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How We Became Fire; Het, REPOST from a year ago.James and ADE. Love, hate, love...
Topic Started: December 23, 2011, 1:25 pm (17,530 Views)
Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
“Awww…you guys could have at least have lunch alone.” Katy said when she saw us at her door.

“Come on, you guys look like shit.” James laughed and I giggled as I saw the big bag under their eyes. “Tough night?” He teased them and I elbowed him laughing.

“Very funny sir.” Katy rolled her eyes. “Well, they weren’t in the mood of sleeping much during the night, what do you guys do with this kids? I mean they eat and then they just stare at us waiting for something I cannot figure out what it is.” James and I laughed loud.

“Well…” I said picking up my girl in my arms. I rubbed my nose in hers and talked to Katy looking at my baby girl’s face. “They like to play a little…” I giggled.

“And you have to talk to them.” James added smiling. Katy threw herself on the couch with her mouth opened.

“Seriously who on this earth can play with a baby at 4 am in the morning.” She blurted making me hoot with laughter. “Don’t laugh my dear, you two are nuts.”

“When the day comes for you you’ll see how it makes sense and well, you don’t have an option but to be there and make them company. Sometimes we take them to our bed and we fell asleep and they don’t…” He laughed and I nodded.

“Yeah…it has happened more than once.” I laughed. The thunder outside made me jump on Katy’s couch and Cayla shuddered in my arms making a face. “Jesus, what’s up with the fucking weather in California?” I retorted. “It’s always raining now.”

“Raining, wind, thunder…” Katy puffed.

“We better get going James. Since it’s raining it’s gonna take us some time to get home and I am afraid because of the babies.” I said getting up. James nodded and he began to tuck the twins in the stroller. “Thanks for everything my dear.” I said hugging Katy.

“You are welcome.” She said.

“Tell Phil we had to leave.” I said seeing Phil had fallen asleep on the couch.

“And that…” James pointed chuckling. “That was just one night, now imagine us. Bye Katy.” He kissed her cheek.

“Bye. Put some sense in that head.” She said tapping his head. James simply nodded and then we shared a complicity look. James grabbed the bags and I pushed the stroller.

“I better bring the car here so they won’t get wet in the rain.” James said. I nodded and James brought the car near the door, one by one he took the babies inside the car protecting them with his coat, once they were in I ran and we both hoped in the car. “Damn rain!” James exclaimed running his hands through his wet hair. We drove home slow as the heavy rain was blurring the view. Cullen and Cayla began to move and complain a little bit on the back seat.

“I think they’re getting hungry.” I said as I looked back. I tried to shake their chairs a little bit to calm them down but they were only beginning to cry a bit more.

“Shit…” James cursed. “And the damn traffic is not helping.”

“It must be an accident.” I said as we got stuck on the freeway. Cayla complained a little louder and Cullen followed her. James looked back at them.

“Hey guys…” He said peacefully. “Come on…cooperate with mom and dad.”

“I don’t think they understand that. Where are their bags?” I asked him.

“In the trunk.” He said frowning.

“You have to pull over babe. I need to pick up their bags. There’s bottles and milk in there. Katy said she had prepared 2 bottles just in case. This is the case.” I laughed. James signaled to the right and parked the car.

“I’ll go there. It’s raining too much.” He said. He was the one getting wet again. As he brought the bags back inside the car I began to search for the bottles, handing one to James once I found them. I kneeled on my seat to be able to bring our kids to us and then we sat, each one of us with a baby in our arms and feeding them. Cullen raised an arm as he began to suck franticly.

“And daddy saved the day! Yes daddy, you rule!” James talked to him smiling. There we were, in the middle of a freeway feeding our twins under heavy rain tapping on the windows. Suddenly we heard a knock on James’s window. “Oh Fuck…” He whispered. James opened the window just a bit to prevent the rain to get in.

“Excuse me sir but you can’t be parked here.” We heard the police man saying. “Can I see your drivers license please.” James opened the window a bit more.

“Excuse me officer, I know but they…” James pointed to Cullen in his hands and to Cayla in mine. “…they wanted to eat.” He said shrugging. The police man looked at both babies and smiled. “I am sorry.” James said again.

“It’s ok sir. You better close the window if you don’t want to have your baby wet. Have a nice day and take your time.” James nodded and thanked him closing the window after. We looked at each other and began to laugh.

“Did you see his face once he saw the babies?” I said. James nodded hooting with laughter.

“We were supposed to be on a honeymoon and here we are under heavy rain, in the middle of a fucking freeway feeding our kids.”

“Aww…but they are so lovely.” I said drooling over Cayla. James picked Cullen up and brought his face close to his as he was finished.

“And now your highness, should I change your diaper?” He talked to Cullen making me giggle. James brought his nose near it. “I think he’s clean.” Our tormented drive back home began once the babies were tucked in their chairs again. With the car rolling slowly they fell asleep soon, leaving us in peace. It took us more than an hour to get home. The twins were still sleeping so we put them on the stroller and left them in the living room. James decided to put some firewood in the fireplace so it was warm and cozy with all the rain outside and I cooked us some meal as we were starving. I took the trays to the couch in the living room and we ate in front of the fireplace.

“Nice honeymoon.” He commented with me.

“I can’t complain. My babies are sleeping peacefully.” I said as I watched them in the stroller. “Fireplace is burning, rain and wind outside and I am in the arms of my husband. This is perfect.” I said leaning against James’s chest. He surrounded me with his arms and kissed the top of my head. “Wait here.” He said getting up and leaving me alone, coming back a minute later with two blankets. I had some idea of what he wanted to do but I watched him stretching a furry blanket over the carpet and then stretching the other one tapping on it after motioning me to join him. I crawled until there and stayed on my fours in front of him just like he was.

“Having ideas?” I smiled.

“What does it look like?” He said raising a hand and pulling a strand of my hair away. Then he caressed my cheek with the tip of his fingers and came a little closer. “Since we’re supposed to be on honeymoon…” He planted kisses over my face tickling me with his lips. “I think we should profit of this fire, of this quietness and make the most out of it.” He stopped kissing me right when his lips were just an inch from mine. I smiled and then he brushed his lips on mine. “Is it a good idea?” He whispered against my lips.

“I think so…” I whispered back. He pecked me.

“Wanna?” He smiled and grabbed my upper lip between his teeth letting go right after.

“I don’t know…” I said kissing his lips again. James smiled and got up standing on his knees. He took his hand to my shoulders and pulled me down on the blanket laying beside me after.

“I guess I am gonna have to convince you then.” He rolled on me and kissed me again. He kissed me once and then twice. My hand traveled to the back of his neck pulling his head down for a third kiss. Our lips locked this time demanding for more, soon our tongues entwined in a tormented dance.

“So was it or was it not a good idea?” James asked kissing my neck.

“Fantastic.” I said tangling my fingers in his hair as his lips sucked on my neck. James kneeled in front of me and began to unbutton my blouse smiling when he got rid of it. He threw it away and it landed right on top of Cayla.

“Oh shit.” He widened his eyes and we both stayed quiet waiting for a cry but since she remained silent he looked back at me and smiled. Then he occupied himself of getting rid of my bra, grinning when my breasts were revealed. He was like a kid in a candy store. He bent over me and kissed them, squeezing then with his hands. As his hands massage my breasts he looked for my lips again and his thumps teased my already hard nipples at the same time as he kissed me. I arched my back at him to intensify the contact. My legs parted almost mechanically and I felt his bulge against my crotch. He rubbed against me making me sigh.

“A bit of teasing.” He said rubbing against me and getting me wet.

“Take off your jeans.” I gasped as my arousal was just peaking. He shook his head imprisoning my hands with his above my hand. He thrust against me harder making me feel him more against me. James smiled and his eyes sparkled as he played with my desire.

“Mnmmnn….” I moaned pulling my hips up. Seeing my rush James stopped and rested on his knees again. Passing one my legs over his head he began to take off my jeans. Then he tugged his thumbs on the side of my panties and got rid of them. He picked up my ankle and ran my leg over his head again leaving me naked, opened legs right in front of his eyes. He gave me a saucy smile

“Perfect…” He whispered looking at me. I was about to move from that position that somehow made me feel uncomfortable but he rested a hand on my chest. “Don’t move Ade.” And I didn’t. James got up and undid his own jeans and his boxers were next then he came back to me resting between my legs. I felt his hard length rubbing against me and I raised my hips to take him in but he pulled back. I hated how he was such a teaser sometimes. I rolled my eyes as he did it and he smiled kissing my lips.

“Is there something wrong Ade?” He asked.

“No.” I smiled.

“Is there something you want?” He rubbed against me driving me wild.

“Come on teaser.” I whispered clutching my hands onto his ass making him go down.

“How much do you want it?” He smiled again biting my neck.

“A lot.” I confessed. He entered the tip and stopped. I raised my hips a bit and he slid in a bit more making me moan.

“Oooh…” He sighed as he felt me squeezing him. James began to move in and out and every time he did it he’d go deeper, until his thrusts met a steady rhythm. My hands traveled up and down his back in delight. He rocked my body perfectly. Every time we made love he owned me and no one else knew how to please me as he did. He knew how to press every button at the right time.

“I love you baby.” I whispered taking a hand to his face. He bent over my lips kissing them.

“And I love you.” He said. “I love so much my love.” He kissed my face as he thrust. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close as he thrust into me building me up for my peak. James continued speaking in my ear. “I will do anything for you.” My body began to give him signs I was close to explode. His hips began to move faster and soon a lightening bolt hit my body sending an endless energy over it making it quiver and shudder and making me gasp James’s name countless times as I rode my orgasm. He didn’t resist much more and when I was calming down I felt him jerk and he groaned clenching his jaw as he thrust releasing his seed. He rolled to his side right away panting and fighting to breathe normally again.

“Oh God…” He gasped pulling me to him with one arm. “I am so tired.” He complained. I rested my head on his chest and ran a hand through it. James pulled the blanket over us. “It’s still pouring rain.” He said.

“And the wind is just scary.” I said as the wind was blowing insanely strong. Suddenly a chair of the deck hit against the window making me cringe and hide my face against James, he got scared too at the noise and held me tight strongly until we both realized it was the chair and his grip released a bit. “Fuck.” He said laughing and I began to laugh too.

“It scared me.” I said.

“Me too.” He said still laughing. James got up to turn the TV on and we watched the news to find out what was happening. They were advising people to stay home as a storm was hitting San Francisco.

“Guess we don’t have to worry about that as we’re not going anywhere.” He said kissing the top of my head. Cayla and Cullen began to cry and I looked at him.

“The furthest we go is the kitchen now.” I laughed. I put my panties on and his shirt. James put his boxers and we prepared another bottle for the twins. We fed them near the fire in our improvised bed and then we laid them there with us.

“We’ve done a pretty good job.” I said looking at our kids.

“They are so perfect.” James made a face at Cayla and she reacted with a soft smile. “She smiled Ade!! She smiled!!” He exclaimed.

“I saw it.” I said. To me that was so new and so I had my eyes glittering but to him…he had been through that three times so I didn’t think these things would be so important to him but there he was with his eyes glittering as if it was the first time something like that happened to him. James baby talked to Cayla making her smile every time she’d hear his voice and we both laughed every time she did it. Cullen was sleeping peacefully and Cayla was just filling us with joy with her shy smiles.

“This is the best thing ever.” James said bending over me kissing me my lips.

“Don’t ruin it.” I pleaded looking in his eyes. James looked back at Cayla answering my pleading with silence. “Promise me…” I insisted.

“I swear.” He said.
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

lol Something else interfered with their honeymoon! xD Aw, but they still made the best of it... UNF :drool :drool
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
So Taste of Eternity is over and this is the only one rolling now:)) I have something new, two stories in fact, but for now I'll just stick with this one until the end.

________________________________________________________________________________

Only promises are hard to keep…

As time went by I came back to my work with Metallica in the studio. The twins were left in a special daycare for babies. It was hard to maintain a house, take care of two babies and cope with a huge band like Metallica in a studio plus deal with a problematic husband, trying to keep the secret and trying to keep us together and myself, with time James got worse.

He had his ups and downs and we tried to managed it. I was always hoping he’d keep his word every time he’d say it was the last time only it never was the last time. Next morning we’d fight, I’d cry. he’d cry, we were both hurt and not talking to each other until all the rage was gone. Then we’d sit and talk properly without yelling at each other, without accusations and harsh words. None of this was easy to live with. James was just a different human being under the influence of alcohol even the babies with just 6 months old seemed to know the difference, when he’d get home wasted they’d stare at him serious not a trace of smile on their faces, not a sound not nothing. At six months old they’d recognize both me and him, they were very expressive babies, every time they’d see us they would smile and baby talk to us and threw their arms in the air so we could pick them up and when James was shifaced they wouldn’t do none of this. I came to the painful conclusion that my kids, not understanding of course the cause or why, reacted differently. It broke my heart.

I woke up in the morning just like every day tired and exhausted. I got the kids prepared and then I took a shower and got dressed. I had another shock acknowledging I had woke up in a empty bed. Passing through the living room on my way out to the door I saw his feet hanging from the couch. I put the babies in the stroller and I decided to wake him up.

“James…” I shook him. “James wake up.” I said. Not a trace of compassion in my voice.

“Leave me alone.” He mumbled.

“You have to go to the studio.” I said.

“I don’t a give fuck. I need to sleep.”

“James?” I called him again, then I sat on the edge of the couch looking at him and I began to cry. I felt so hopeless and I was beginning to be desperate. I didn’t know where to turn, everything was derailing fast. The babies felt lonely all alone in the hall that they began to cry. I got up cleaning my eyes to meet them. Not even with their yelling James moved, he looked so worn out, thin and pale. He was killing himself bit by bit and I was asked to watch it in secret.

I abandoned the house and took my children to the daycare and then drove to Sausalito towards One on One studios where Metallica was recording. I parked next to Lars and stayed in the car for a while thinking about a nice excuse for James not showing up, only it was not the first time and I was running out of excuses. I got out of the car and prepared to face them.

“Where’s James?” Lars asked me immediately.

“He’s not coming.” I said coldly sitting on my chair and beginning to prepare the table right away. Lars pulled a chair and sat next to me.

“What do you mean he’s not coming? What the fuck? He has to be here!” Lars exclaimed and I could see he was annoyed. I looked at him serious.

“He’s not coming and I don’t have anything else to tell you. If you want to know why when he gets here IF he gets here at all you ask him. I am tired of this.” I said. “Rob wanna lay your tracks?” I talked to Rob expecting to put an end to that conversation with Lars. Rob raised me his thumb and began to play.

“What’s happening Ade?” Lars asked pressing start button to record Rob’s track.

“Nothing is happening.” I said adjusting the tuning button and not being able to face Lars.

“I am not stupid. Something is happening. He’s cranky all the time, skips studio sometimes. You two don’t seem fine, you seemed even a bit distant and both sad.” As Lars kept on describing how he’d see my relationship my eyes watered but I resisted the urge I had to talk to someone else other than Katy, who knew everything.

“Like I said, nothing is happening.” I told him. “Now if you wanna help me, then please stop asking me things and cooperate a little.” Lars stood still for a moment looking at me and then nodded, patting my shoulder before getting up. He was going to join Rob laying the tracks but before he turned back to look at me.

“You know Ade, you might think that covering him up might help him but in fact it doesn’t because you’re just feeding his need and ruining yourself.” His words made me explode. I pressed stop and burst out of the room crying. I closed myself in the bathroom for a while to let all my pain come out. I took my cell off my pocket and dialed Katy’s number.

“Hi.” I said when she picked up the call.

“How are you?” She asked knowingly.

“Not good. Can you have lunch with me?” I asked her.

“At that steak house downtown you like? One o’ clock?” She proposed.

“Yes. I’ll see you later then.”

“See ya.”

As I hung the phone, I put it back on my pocket and I washed my face then I went back to the guys.

“Ok guys…I am sorry. I am ready now.” I told them. Rob raised his thumb again and began to lay his tracks while I followed him adjusting the sound of it outside. Kirk was sat behind me reading a surf magazine and Lars, as usual, sat by my side following all the work.

We worked through the sound for the rest of the morning without Lars making me anymore questions then we stopped as we needed James to be there and he’d only show up after lunch. I met Katy a bit later than one o’ clock but she understood.

“Now tell me, why that sad tone on the phone?” She asked sipping on her water.

“He didn’t sleep on our bed again. I found him passed out on the couch.”

“Oh Ade…that is so out of control.”

“I know and worse he’s now completely obsessed with Paul, the boy that works with us in the studio. He says he’s interested in me and that he’s hitting on me. He’s obsessed with that.” I explained.

“He knows he is fucking up and he’s jealous you might find someone better than him.”

“It doesn’t matter how many times I talk to him and I ask him to stop, next day he shows up wasted. He doesn’t care.” I cried.

“He’s an addict. It doesn’t matter how many times he’s gonna say he won’t do it and deep inside he doesn’t want to do it but he can’t resist it.”

“I know he doesn’t want to do it Katy. I cry and then he cries and we’re just hurting each other more and more and I asked him to enter somewhere again but he doesn’t want to go. I can’t live like this. This is killing me. I can’t watch him like that, it’s so painful.” Katy held me close to support me.

“I don’t know what to tell you. I know you love him, it must be really hard.”

“He’s acting like a manic. You know at the beginning it was only when he drink that his behavior was weird but now it’s all the time.”

“Because his head is not alright, because he’s dealing with an addiction all the time.”

Time with Katy was always precious but now even more because she was the only person I could open up to. When I got back to the studio I saw James’s truck already in the parking lot. The four of them were discussing details in the room together with Paul.

“Good afternoon.” I said entering the room. They all greeted me and Paul smiled.

“Hi Ade.” He said. I saw James narrowing his eyes at him.

“Hi.” I said turning to James.

“Hi.” He said putting his eyes back on the guitar right after.

“So, let’s roll?” I clapped my hands trying to light thing up as the air got a bit tense in there. Paul, James and I in the same room, at that time was a bit too crowded. The guys got together in the sound room ready to play together and Paul and I sat to control the recording.

“We should maybe give a bit more of tune to the bass?” Paul suggested as they played and I nodded to him giving him permission to pull the button up a bit more. “Yeah…” He said smiling and nodding his head to the beat. “Now we’ve got a perfect bass line.” He laughed and gave me the horns and I reattributed with a smile. I just heard James’s guitar stopping and I looked back to the room. James put his guitar down and came to us grabbing Paul’s collar.

“One more smile like that to my wife and I punch your cute face.” James menaced him. Paul looked at him terrorized and I pulled him back by his belt.

“What are you doing?” I shouted at him. “Are you out of your mind?” I asked him. James looked back at me furious.

“Come here.” He said grabbing my wrist with strength and dragging me outside the sound room.

“James let go, you’re hurting me.” I told him but he only let go when he locked us up in the kitchen.

“Don’t you ever talk to me like that in front of every one.” He ordered me.

“Do you think you can boss me around? I won’t if I think you are right which wasn’t the case. The boy was joking, we work together. You are fucking insane. He is a kid.” I exclaimed.

“He’s been hitting on you!” James yelled back.

“In your head!” I shouted. “Just in your fucking head! You’re sick.” I said. I approached him. “James put some sense in your head.” I said.

“He is hitting on you.” He said. From that close I could smell beer. I took both my hands in despair to my face and began to shake it franticly.

“You have been drinking already.” I told him. His eyes watered and he didn’t even bothered hiding it.

“This is me now.” He said as if I had to accept that.

“And I have to do what? Accept it?”

“I don’t know…” He blurted and shrugged. That was him lately. The mighty Hetfield who didn’t care about anyone.

“I am getting tired.” I told him. “I am getting tired of everything, of waking up alone in bed all the time, of having a husband who doesn’t even look at me or his kids when he comes home. A husband who passes out on the couch, who makes love to me now as if I am a thing and not even a person. A husband who forgot to say he loves me, maybe he doesn’t love me anymore or maybe he has just forgot all about it.” I ranted. He leaned against the counter and looked down.

“I still love you.” He said.

“Then please check in somewhere because I am losing my strength. I can’t stay here watching you destroy yourself like you have been doing, it’s fucking painful. I never thought you’d come this far…Look at you! Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You’re just a shadow of the man you used to be. I love you, I still love you but I just can’t stand this. Not anymore.”

“So now what?” He asked me but I felt fear in his question.

“I don’t know…” I said sitting on the table. “I don’t know…” I looked up at him expecting him to say something. “ I just want you to say we’re gonna be alright. That you’re gonna do something for us to be alright. You’re slacking on your band, on me, on your kids. Did you know Cali called asking for you yesterday? It’s been more than a week since you last saw them! How can you do that to them? They are just kids and they love you and you just go to a fucking bar instead of being with your family. You almost make me hate you, you know. Do you know there’s only a thin line separating love and hate? I hate you sometimes. I didn’t know what to tell her on the phone yesterday. They are your kids, they deserve more from you. I deserve more from you. Just fucking do something!” James had his eyes filled with tears but still he decided to turn his back on me and close the door. “James…” I called him. I got up from the chair but the last thing I saw was him leaving the studio ignoring my calls. I joined the others.

“Where’s James?” Lars asked.

“He left.”

“What do you mean he left?” Kirk asked surprised. “He just got here!”

“Well that is him now!” I said ironically using James’s own words.

“Again you mean!” Lars said. “That was him before…I know that motherfucker.”

“Again…whatever.” I picked up my purse. “You know what? I am going home. I am going to pick up my twins and I am going home having some quality time with them.” And I left also hoping James would be home. Somehow I whished he’d put some sense in that head and he’d be home waiting for me. I couldn’t be more wrong. No one was home…
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Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
[ * ]
Oh dear. Not good.

James is really starting to spiral out of control. I wonder if it will take a major event like before (Fran kicking him out of the house) to make him want to clean up his act. But seriously, poor Ade. She's got Lars to deal with, mixing the record, the twins and James' problem. It's a wonder she hasn't had a break down.
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
I waited all afternoon for him to come home but it was in vain. I was concerned, he had never spent that much time away. He just disappeared. I tried to reach him on his cell but it was dead, I could realize he had turned it off so no one, including me, could find him or talk to him. Before going to the kitchen and prepare dinner I bathed the twins, fed them and put them to sleep then I cooked something fast and light since I also knew I was going to have dinner by myself.

Around nine o’ clock I tried his cell again but it skipped to his box again and I decided to leave him a message this time.

“James, it’s me. Please call me when you hear this. Bye.” I hung up but I stayed still with the cell on my hand thinking, I dialed his number again and left another message. “It’s me again, I am worried about you, please come home. Please, just come home.” I threw the cell on the couch and sat on it desperate. It crossed my mind that he was going away. Where? I didn’t have a clue but I feared somehow he decided to leave us. I was just too confused and anything was an option.

One thing was him going out at night after being in the studio another was going away from the studio in the afternoon and never coming back. His phone was also turned on all the time, I used to call him and he’d answer my call, not in a good mood but he always did. Every time I’d asked him to come home and in one way or another he always did. If this time he decided to shut his cell off it was because he didn’t want to be found or talk to anyone and since he had not come back home, I was thinking the worst.

I began to walk in circles biting my nails trying to find a solution. I thought about chasing him around town but then there were thousands of bars where he could be, plus I had the babies at home, I could not just drag them with me. That was insane, he was driving me insane and still not for a moment I stopped loving him. All that struggle was because I didn’t want to leave him and still he was just closing all the doors. His addiction was just getting worse every day and he was not even fighting it anymore.

“I have to do something.” I said determined to fight for him with all that I had. I picked up my cell and dialed Pep’s number. If someone knew where he was, he’d be the one because he was his best friend and I knew Pep was aware of what was happening to him. Katy was my person, the person I could rely on and trust and Pep was his. So I dialed his number not caring about the consequences and taking a chance because there was also the risk of him not knowing anything and James would kill me for that but I had to do something, I couldn’t just stay there and wait. I had waited all day long.

“Pep?” I said as he picked up the call.

“Ade, Hi!” He said a bit surprised.

“Am I interrupting something, can you talk?”

“No, I was just watching TV. How are you?” He asked me.

“Not very good.” I told him. “Do you know where James is?” I asked him right away because I didn’t want to lose any time. Pep went silent and I knew there that he knew the whole truth. “Pep, come on. I am worried about him.”

“I don’t know where he is.” He said.

“Really? Because he left the studio in the afternoon and he hasn’t come back home yet and he’s phone is turned off. Please!”

“Honestly Ade, I don’t know.” Pep sounded sincere and I just sat on the couch hopeless and desperate. I stood silent thinking about what I should do. “Ade?” He called me.

“Yeah…”

“I haven’t seen him today.” He said.

“I hoped he’d come looking for you or something. He just disappeared.”

“Stay calm.” He suggested.

“I can’t stay calm Pep. For all I know he can be in a fucking hospital or maybe crashed his car or I don’t know…all crazy thoughts are running through my mind right now.”

“Hey, stop thinking about the worst!” He exclaimed.

“He’s been driving home drunk every day!” I exclaimed back. “I left him two messages, one of them asking him to come back home. I don’t know, I have this weird feeling that he doesn’t want to be found.”

“Do you want me to help you? You sound desperate my dear.”

“I am desperate Pep…” I cried. “I love him and I am just watching him sink in misery and so fast.”

“Calm down Ade. Look, I know a few places where the guys usually hang out. I’ll go around to see if I find him there, is that ok?”

“Oh Pep thank you. I was about to put the babies in the car and drive myself around town looking for him.”

“No, stay there. I’ll do it for you and if I find him I’ll call you, ok?”

“Thanks.” He said. After our goodbyes my anxiety took place together with my despair and I just couldn’t stay still in one place. Only my babies to distract me for a while when they woke up for the late meal, there I could distract a bit and even smile and play with them for a while. I had to be there for them.

Hours passed and Pep didn’t call nor James. I tried his cell meanwhile about a thousand times, I had this idea in my mind that he was going away from us. As the babies slept again I returned to the couch and turned the TV on. I didn’t even bother changing the channel because I was not actually watching it. I just needed some noise around the house because the silence in there was crushing me. Suddenly my phone rang and I ran to pick up the call.

“Hello.” I said with my hands shaking a bit as the number was anonymous.

“It’s me.” I heard on the other side.

“James!” I almost yelled. “James, are you alright?”

“I am fine. I just heard your message…” He said but then he just stopped talking, that was not a good sign. He was calling me after hearing me asking him to come home.

“Come home.” I asked. “Please come home…” I begged.

“I can’t.” I heard him say. I sat back on the couch crying, my suspicious were true.

“James…” I called him again.

“Yeah.” He said. I knew he was crying as well and his voice sounded a bit faded.

“Tell me where you are. Let’s talk, the two of us.”

“Ade, it’s better this way. I don’t want to be a burden for you and that’s all I am right now.

“No. James no. Let me go talk to you, tell me where you are.”

“Ade, I am not even in town. I am not near.” He said. I ran upstairs to our room and opened the doors of the closet. I hadn’t been there yet since I got home and much to my shock most of his clothes were gone.

“You are leaving us.” I said crying even more and sitting on our bed.

“I need to be alone for a while.”

“Am I that easily to let go? Aren’t your children important enough to make you stay? How can you let go of me so easily?” I asked him again. “Tell me how do you do it because I am not capable of the same. I can’t let go of you like that, I can’t just pack my stuff and go.”

“It’s not easy. Don’t say that because it is not. I just need to be alone for a while.”

“For what? So you can get drunk without having anyone around you to nag you? So you can drown yourself in alcohol without feeling guilty? So you can destroy yourself even faster? How can you do this? How can you be this weak? You married me five months ago and you’re walking away already, this is not what I expected my marriage to be. James you come home tomorrow or this will be the end of our marriage.”

“Do you really want to put things that way?” I cleaned my tears and cleared my throat to speak clearly and firmly.

“Yes. I am not going to ask you to drive back home this late if you are out of town but I tell you, tomorrow if you don’t come back home, I will pack my stuff and our twins’ stuff and I will come back to my house in LA. Divorce is next. I won’t take this shit. I am trying by all means to help you and to maintain what we have and you give up on everything first opportunity you have. You abandoned us! How could you do such thing?” James was silent, not reacting. “Do you hear me?” I asked him.

“I have to go.” He said. I was incredulous. I was there telling him to come back and menacing with divorce and he just said he had to go.

“I hope you heard what I told you, I mean it.” I said.

“I love you.” He said choking a bit.

“If you love me then come back.” I cried again. I couldn’t keep my tears inside. “We go through this together. We’ll find a way, just don’t do this.”

“I love you and our children, always remember that.” The phone went dead right after. I laid in bed sobbing, somehow I sensed he was saying goodbye. That couldn’t be…that couldn’t be happening to us! I was the one who had all the right to pack my stuff and go and still I was the one trying to pick up our pieces together and he…he was just throwing everything we build into the garbage.

I laid there for an hour more just crying myself out and just then I remembered Pep was out looking for him. I sat back on the bed and dragged my miserable arm to my cell and dialed Pep’s number.

“Pep, he called me.” I told him when he answered the call.

“Good, because I couldn’t find him anywhere, but…” I was too nervous to let him finish what he was going to say.

“He took most of his clothes. He’s abandoning us.” I said crying again.

“What? I am on my way.” Pep hung up the phone. It didn’t took him long to get to my house. At midnight, instead of sleeping I was crying my despair with a friend. Pep sat on the chair in front of my couch and I sat on the floor with my back against it. “What the fuck is that of him leaving you?”

“Well, he called me and he said he was far and I asked him to come home and he said he wasn’t coming back, then he said something about being far and it hit me to check our wardrobe and then I saw most of his clothes were gone, he said it was better that way.” I sobbed.

“And what did you say?” Pep was rubbing his hands on his jeans.

“I told him he had to come back until tomorrow otherwise I would leave to LA.”

“I know where he is.” He said.

“You do? And you weren’t telling me?”

“I was going to tell you when we were on the phone but you dropped the fucking news and I had to come here.”

“Where is he?” I asked getting up.

“He’s up in the north at Tim’s cabin.”

“Do you have the address?”

“Yeah…but…” Pep said unsure as I began to go upstairs but he followed me.

“How much time driving?” I asked as I threw some clothes on my bed.

“Two hours but Ade…it is almost 1 am!” Pep exclaimed.

“I don’t care Pep. I will go to him. I won’t wait until tomorrow because I know he’s not coming. I am going there and I will make him look in my eyes and say he doesn’t want us back in his life.”

“He can’t say that Ade, I know he loves you. He’s just doing this…” Pep ran a hand through his hair. “Well…because he’s back to the bottle. Motherfucker…” He muttered.

“I love him too much to give up on him that easily. He’s been giving me hell Pep and other than that I feel this incredible pain seeing him that low and hitting the end of the abyss this fast. I want to help him, I want my James back.”

“But it’s so late Ade! What about your kids?” Pep tried to deceived me.

“They’ll sleep in the car.”

“Ade…” He tried but I turned around and rolled my eyes.

“Pep, are you gonna help me?” Pep took a deep breath and then began to help me pack. The babies’ stuff took longer, I needed to be careful to pack everything they needed. “Is there a supermarket near that cabin, a village with these things?” I asked. I didn’t know if we were staying long, if James was telling me to come back alone or if we were coming back all together so I had to be prepared. Pep nodded at my question and that put a rest to my heart in case the babies needed milk or diapers, the rest I would take enough with me. The trunk of my car was filled with their things and then there was just a suitcase for myself. I tucked the babies on their chair and closed the stroller before sticking it in the car.

“Now the address?” I asked Pep while preparing the GPS. I set it as he helped me.

“This is insane Ade, it’s two o’clock and there’s two 6 months babies on your back seat.”

“They are alright Pep. They are sleeping and I need to go after my love. If I don’t he’s not coming tomorrow, I know that! I know him and at this moment his head is just a mess. He thinks it is better to be alone but I know it is not, he’ll fall faster.” Pep nodded and closed the door going to his car. I turned the ignition key and started my engine. Pep followed me until we were off my property then he waved as we were going opposites side.

Most of the way up until the cabin was freeway so I drove quite fast and there was no way I could get the wrong the way. The worst was when I reached the first village, then I followed the GPS instructions carefully finally stopping in the middle of nowhere in front of a wooden cabin. I got out of the car sure that was the right place because his truck was there, there was also a river near ‘cause I could her the water other than that it was too dark.

The clock read 4 am, it took me exactly two hours drive as Pep said. There was a light coming out of a window so I assumed he was awake at that time of the night. I took the stroller off the car and put the babies sleeping in it. The night was rather cold in the middle of the woods so I put a blanket over them. I didn’t know how much time it would take him to open the door. I closed the car and pushed the stroller towards the door. I knocked and then I waited. Nothing…I tried to peak at the window but the curtains didn’t let me see anything inside so I tapped at the window.

“James.” I shouted. “Open the door.” I came back near my kids and knocked on the door again. “James…” I called again and then I heard the locker turning. James looked like he was sleeping, his eyes looked in mine and then he looked down at our kids and then back at me. He stood still with teary eyes looking at me and I felt mine watering too.

“We came to you.” I told him pushing the stroller a bit ahead. “Will you take us in?” He remained silent and a tear dropped down his face.
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

Ade was so brave in looking for him. But it's a good thing she's there with him, I don't think he can sort this on his own. He should go back to rehab. :(
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
James stayed still for quite some time looking at me without reaction. I stood there waiting for him to let us in. Cullen opened his eyes blinking a few times until he could keep them open and focus his father. The baby instantly smiled at him and shook his arms and legs waiting for him to pick him up.

“Ghhh” Cullen blurted smiling like a fool and franticly waving his arms up and down. With his eyes and face filled with tears James giggled at the boy and took him out of the stroller holding Cullen tightly against his chest and sobbing. I covered Cayla a bit better as we were still on the street and looked back at James, emotionally holding onto to our baby boy. My own tears fell watching him. I knew his head was a mess.

“Do you really want to get rid of us?” I asked him with a crying voice. James raised his watered eyes to look in mine and with one arm he pulled me to him, holding both of us. His sobs became louder and I wrapped my arms around his neck crying too. “I love you.” I sobbed. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“I just thought you were better off without me.” He said.

“But I am not, ok?” My voice being muffled by my sobs and by his shoulder as my mouth was against it. I let go of him and pushed the stroller inside. James closed the door and at the same time Cullen grabbed his nose with his tiny hand, he laughed taking the baby’s hand away gently and kissing it.

“I love you little guy.” He said kissing Cullen all over while we walked into the living room. I put the stroller with Cayla near the fireplace that was burning and took the blanket away as it was too hot inside and then I began to take Cullen’s coat too to leave him more comfortable. James kissed my lips while I was doing it and Cullen smacked his face at the same time. “Hey!” James protested with the baby smiling, then he turned to me. “How did you know I was here?”

“Pep told me.” I said sitting on the couch. “I was too worried about you so I asked him for help. I couldn’t wait until tomorrow, I knew you weren’t coming.” I said. He let his gaze fall on the floor. “You weren’t coming were you?” I asked and he shook his head. “That’s why I came here.” He sat by my side sitting Cullen on his knees, he made him a face and Cullen giggled in a good mood. Then James stick his tongue out and Cullen stretched out his arm trying to catch it but James pulled away and grinned making him giggle again.

“You are crazy for coming here this late.” He said looking at me for a second.

“I know…” I told him. “But you need to understand that running away from us is not the solution nor what we want. We are a family and families go through shit together.” James was calm and not drunk which surprised me in fact.

“Give dad a high five.” He said to Cullen raising his hand near the baby’s, Cullen who, obviously, didn’t have a clue of what a high five was, simply grabbed James’s hand. “Yeah…high five dude.” James played, Cullen giggled all along totally awake. “We need to talk.” He said turning to me again.

“We do.” I agreed still afraid with what was on his mind because he was sure happy to see his children but I wasn’t sure if he was happy to see me. I was also confused and torn with all that was happening between us. “James…” I called him ready to ask him if he was happy that I went after him and he must have read the question in my eyes.

“You are brave for coming here. You are brave for showing me how much you care. You are brave for still wanting to have me around.”

“I love you.” I said justifying my action. “I don’t want to give up without a fight, do you want to give up?” His eyes searched for Cayla, then raided to Cullen and finally dropped on me.

“No…” He whispered. That put a rest to my racing heart. “But we still need to talk, I need to tell you things.”

“We need to talk indeed.” I nodded.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” He talked to Cullen again. “It’s almost five am buddy.” He rubbed his nose against Cullen’s and the baby closed his eyes.

“I am going to bring the stuff from the car.” I said getting up. James got up to help me but I made him sit again. “I’ll do it, it’s ok.” I said not wanting to spoil his moment with his son. He wasn’t spending much time with them and since he was alright it was better to let him do it and Cullen was just so happy, I didn’t want to spoil their moment. I began to take inside the dozen bags I had brought with me. While James played with Cullen I opened the portable bed I had taken with me and put Cayla in it. The babies slept most of the night now, waking up just around 11 pm or midnight to have a late bottle and then slept until the morning, Cullen was up to playing though since he had waken up.

“Wanna take your bags upstairs?” James offered. I was happily that upstairs was an open space and that was a room with only one bed, that meant he wanted to sleep with me or maybe he wasn’t sure if I wanted to sleep with him and he asked. I left my bags and came back down.

“There’s not enough room upstairs for their bed.” I commented.

“It’s ok, it’s a open space and we can still hear them.” The cabin was little but beautiful and cozy. Cullen began to give signs of being tired and wanting to go to sleep again. I changed him to his pajama and rocked him in my arms for a while, meanwhile James was brewing some tea in the kitchenette. When he finally fell asleep I laid him by his sister’s side and adjusted the blanket, then I bent over the bed and kissed each one of them.

“He fell asleep?” James asked behind the counter.

“Yeah…” I said nodding at the same time. James brought two cups on his hands and sat on the couch, I sat next to him and he handed me the cup of tea. I blown a little as it was hot and I felt his eyes on me while I was doing it. I wanted to talk but I didn’t know where to begin.

“You look tired.” He said.

“I haven’t slept yet and it’s six am.”

“Maybe we should get some sleep and talk later.” He suggested.

“No…I want to talk now.”

“Ok…” He said nodding. “There’s no alcohol around here.” He began. “You can search around the house, there’s nothing alcoholic. I felt tempted to buy it when I had to go shopping for supplies but I came here with a purpose, to get myself clean.”

“If you came here with the idea of getting yourself clean why telling me you were not going home? Why pushing us away when you can be here with our support?” I tried to understand him.

“I have been through this once. It’s not easy…”

“You think you’re better by your own?” James shrugged.

“I don’t know Ade…” He sighed and then he dragged himself a little closer to me with his head down. “I’ll crave, I’ll get moody and I don’t want to put my misery down on you and them…” He said pointing at the twins sleeping. “But at the same time it is so good to have you here and know that you’re willing to give me your hand and help me through this. It takes courage!”

“When I married you I swore before God that I would stand by your side no matter what. I intend to keep my word. I don’t know how hard this is because I have never been in a situation like this but it can’t be worse than you getting home slurring and stumbling, barely standing on your feet. Not giving a shit about anything or anyone. Now I know you care after all…”

“Maybe you should go home and let me do this alone.” He said. I ran a hand through his hair because I was dying to caress him.

“Do you want to stay alone? Do you want to go through this alone?” He shook his head. “Then I’ll stay. If you want to do this, I’ll stay with you. I’ll do whatever it takes to have what we had back.”

“This is a disease…”

“I know it is and I am not sure I know how to deal with it but I will learn. Do you want to stay here, don’t you prefer to go home?”

“No…” He shook his again. “I can’t go home Ade. We can stay here for as many time as we need. I can’t go home where everything is at hand, I have to get away from that, at least for now and until I know I can control myself again. Lars is going to kill me…”

“I’ll talk to him later alright?”

“I am so tired of hurting you of hurting myself. It is so painful to see your disappointed look every day in the morning. The fact that I am slacking on my children is just hideous, I can’t stand myself at the moment. I feel dirty. I feel like scum. I feel guilty for not being able to resist. I fought so hard to be a better person and then I ended up falling into nasty habits again JUST when I have two wonderful babies. God I had two beautiful babies and instead of living that happiness I just went back to the bottle, I can’t forgive myself…I can’t…” Witnessing his pain made me hold him tight against me.

“You have to forgive yourself first to make things right. The babies love you no matter what, see, even some time ago Cullen woke up smiling at you and you played with him and made him happy. He was so smiley, have you seen that?”

“Yeah…but I also yell at them and they are just babies.” He cried.

“They won’t remember that. I love you baby. I love you.”

“Oh Ade…I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I just want to be the guy you fell in love with.

“I miss him, I am not going to deny it.” I told him. “So we stay here…” I whispered straying and looking into his blue eyes. I ran a hand through his face contemplating the sadness mirrored in them.

“I love you.” He said. “Don’t doubt that! Because I haven’t said it to you lately doesn’t mean I don’t, I just feel too ashamed to tell you. I feel like I am hypocrite by putting you into all this pain and then coming up to you and say I love you. I love them too…I just don’t come too close because I am afraid. I don’t go see my other three kids because I am ashamed of myself because they are big enough to understand and I can’t live with the fact that I betrayed them as well.”

“The fact that you are admitting all this is a step ahead and just like the first time, you will get out of this, not alone but together. Together we stand.” I said. James cupped my face between his hands and kissed my lips.

“I don’t deserve you.” He whispered breaking the kiss gently.

“Yes you do. You worked hard to have me here now, remember?” He gave me a faded smile and nodded, then another subject, as delicate as the current one assaulted my mind. “Did you have other women?”

“No…no….” He shook his head. “No Ade! I could control that. I swear I did not.”

“Don’t lie to me.” I begged him. “If we are doing this we need to do this properly.”

“I didn’t have other women Ade. I swear on our children.” I believed in him. “Now we better get some sleep. It’s 8 am.” I nodded and grabbed his hand. We climbed the stairs and James slid under the sheets right away as he was on his sleeping clothes already, I still had to change to mine. While I did that and brushed my teeth James fell asleep. I sat next to him watching him and played with his hair with the tip of my fingers, then my babies woke up…and I still wasn’t able to sleep at all.

I went down and prepared their bottles. I tried not to play with them too much so I could try to put them to sleep again and I succeeded. After the bottle and diapers I was able to put my children back to bed so I could, finally, have some sleep myself. Still, as the sun was shinning already I called Lars.

“I don’t have very good news.” I said after the usual good morning and hellos.

“What is it?” He asked seriously anticipating the news.

“James is gonna be out of the studio for undefined time and so will I.” I said carefully. I heard him walk around.

“Fuck!” He cursed.

“I am sorry Lars but we need to do this.”

“I know what he’s been doing the motherfucker. He’s such an idiot for putting himself all over that again. God…right now…I just hate him and it’s not because of the album, it can wait, it is because of what he put himself into. Where is he?”

“He’s sleeping right now and I need to sleep too. We are not in San Francisco so don’t bother stopping by our house. I am gonna call Katy to pick up Disco. I also don’t know if he wants to talk to anyone or if he wants to disconnect from everything.”

“It’s ok Ade. I’ll talk to Rob and Kirk and when you’re done, you’re done.”

“Thanks for understanding.”

“He’s lucky to have you by his side now.”

“Thanks, you’re a good friend.”

Lars and I hung up and after talking briefly to Katy I crawled into the bed to rest my body. I was able to pull the shades down to make the house dark and everything was quiet. James dragged himself to me once he felt me in bed. His hand fell on my hip and I could feel him breathe against my back. With the light sound of his snore I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
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Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
[ * ]
Well I'm finally all caught up!

I'm not really sure how I feel to be honest. I think Ade is a great wife by going after James and being there to support him while he tries to help himself. I think it just goes to show how much she really does love him and that she is willing to stick by his side through the touch times. James on the other hand, I just don't know how I feel. I think its irresponsible of him to just leave without contacting his wife. I mean it wasn't like he was leaving them because he didn't love them anymore and he wanted out. He left to try and get control of his problem. That being said, it doesn't absolve him of what he did. He made a vow to Ade and he needs to live up to it. She is his partner in life now. He's got to let her in.

So, all that being said, I truly hope that James is able to get through this. Ade deserves a happy and healthy family, as does he. And let's not forget he's got three other children that want and need their dad to be healthy.
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
The next chapters will reveal how strong she is and how much she loves him, and alos he'll say why he began to drink...well, still a lot to happen... :lol: :lol:

I like the fact that I was able to write a character that never leaves him. :cool
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

Ade is a great partner and a wonderful wife. James is so lucky. I think he knows. I hope he can cope for the sake of his family. Lars, so sweet, lol all grumpy, but still worried for his friend.
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
I woke up hearing James’s voice but as my senses recovered from the sleep I realized that he was not near. I felt tired and still sleepy. I looked at my nightstand blinking but there was no watch and my cell was in my purse which was on the chair in front of the bed. I stretched my body and yawned, I felt drained.

“No…not there sweetie.” I heard James saying and little scream from Cayla right after. I smiled, such a great feeling to wake up to the sound of my kids and my husband. I pulled the covers away and tried to peak from upstairs but I couldn’t see a thing so I descended half of the stairs until I could see them. James was sat on the floor, his legs crossed and in front of them Cullen and Cayla also sat. Our babies were able to sit already. Between him and them a few toys I had brought with me and James was playing with them. “How about this one?” James talked to them and they both looked at the plastic cow James was holding, then he pressed it and the cow made a noise “Muuuh” and both babies giggled loud followed by James who laughed watching them. “This is cool isn’t it?” He took the cow to Cayla’s belly tickling her and then to Cullen’s doing the same. “Watch out for the monster cow…” He said while tickling their belly’s with it and the babies giggling like crazy.

I decided to joined them and when I was right behind James, Cullen felt my presence and looked up. He looked at me with his tiny blue eyes opening a smile and frowning his nose. His smile was huge enough to see the two recent teeth he had. He waved his arms up and down franticly and James without looking back knew I was there. “Who’s there Cullen?” James asked him but Cullen was too busy looking and smiling at me and I was smiling back at him. I sat by James side and both babies began to stretch me their arms. “Mommy…and they forget all about me.” James pretended he complained. I took them both and sat each one on my legs and then I looked at him and he gave me a tired smile.

“What time is it?” I asked him.

“Almost 4 o’clock.” James answered. I kissed both my children. “Can I have a kiss too?” He said. I raised my eyes to meet his and he smiled again.

“Sure.” I said bending over him and pressing my lips against his. James rested a hand in my face to make the kiss longer but the babies began to complain from being muffled in the middle of us. “Did they eat?” I asked him.

“Do you think if they haven’t they would be here in such good humor?” He asked me back and I nodded. “Yes, they woke up but you didn’t move so I got up and I saw the soup you put in the fridge and I gave it to them.”

“Yeah, I brought that soup with me but I need to buy vegetables to make a new one.” I said.

“There’s a supermarket in the village, we can go there.” He suggested.

“Yeah, we should.” I said watching as Cayla was trying to catch James shirt. He smiled at her and stretched her his hands and she took it promptly. “Hey…” I protested with her. “You are a sold out lady.” I told her and she smiled. I buried my face on her belly and Cayla giggled. “Miss sold out.” I called her again. Cullen whimpered a bit and James laughed and I did too. “What? No one is paying attention to you?” I said picking him up and burring my face on his belly too, the whimper changed to a giggle in 5 seconds. “Can you watch them while I shower and get dressed?” I asked him.

“I think I can manage it.” He smiled. I got up and prepared to go upstairs again but James called me. “Ade…” I looked back. “You better eat something first.” He said. “There’s food in the fridge.” I nodded and changed my path to the kitchenette. James played with the twins while I had fruit with yogurt and then I went upstairs but when I was in the middle of the stairs it was my turn to call him.

“James…” He looked up at me. “How are you feeling?” I asked him. I knew he hadn’t been drinking by his behavior and I believed in him when he said he wanted to stop but I also remembered him saying it was going to be hard, that he was going to crave, so it had been a couple of hours, more than 24 hours.

“Not bad.” He said taking his eyes off me to help Cayla grabbing a toy. “I have been busy with them which is good, it keeps me occupied.” I smiled and he smiled back.

“I’ll be right back.” I said climbing the stairs again.

I made the bed before putting myself under a good warm shower. I felt my muscles relaxing a bit as the warm water ran down my body. I think I was there at least 20 minutes but I needed al the time in the world. Beginning to have my skin wrinkled I closed the water and dried myself, I rolled the towel around me and opened the door to go to the room, just as I do it James appeared in the stairs.

“They fell asleep?” I asked him.

“Yes. I guess I got them exhausted.” He said still with the cow on his hands. I threw the towel on the bed to put on my underwear and his eyes raided my body from feet to my face and back again. His chest was coming up and down as he breathed and when our eyes met I saw his blue eyes darker. I felt his desire but I also knew he was refraining to touch me. Since his drinking became totally out of control that he refrained from touching me, first he began to make love to me without tenderness, just for his own satisfaction and then he stopped touching me completely. But I knew him enough to know he was turned on to see me naked in front of him. I put my underwear back on the bed and walked up to him, standing in front of him. He looked up in my eyes and held his breath a little.

“Why don’t you touch me?” I whispered.

“’cause I don’t deserve you.” He whispered back. I was there with him, I was willing to fight for life with him, so I decided to show him he deserved me. I had to show him I was there as his wife and that I still wanted him. I grabbed his hands and rested them against my belly.

“I want you to touch me.” I said. At first his hands stayed still but then they began to slid slowly on my skin and my eyes closed feeling his touch. Feeling me willing at his touch, his hands slid to my back and he pulled me to him in a hasty move. He kissed my belly and my hands clutched onto the back of his head feeling his lips burning on my skin. “Oh Baby…” I whispered at him. I took my hands to his shoulders and pushed him back to the bed then I straddled him. His demanding hands pulled my head down to him and we kissed with fire. The urge of having him again in my arms was too much too allow much romantic or too much cuddles. I was more than ready for him and he was just hard. While we kissed I took both hands to the middle of us and began to undo his jeans, first the belt, then the button and finally the zipper and I pulled them down just enough to free himself.

“Wait.” He said.

“I don’t want to wait.” I told him.

“Ade…I just want it to be different from the last times.” He said in my ear.

“And it is.” I whispered. “You are not drunk and that makes everything different.” I raised my hips a bit and began to sink down on him with his hand helping him find the right way in. I exhaled heavily when I fully sat on him and he did too.

“I missed you.” I told him and then I began to move. His hands rested on my hips and his fingers squeezed me a bit as I began to rock him. He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip as I moved. I was too turned on to be gentle and to wait or to make it last. As my pleasure build up inside of me, my thrusts became faster and his lips opened sexily in a “oh” and the sound that came from under his throat sent shivers over my body. My legs trembled and my hands did too. James grabbed both my hands with his and our fingers intertwined and I moved around him senseless. My moans were loud and so were his, our bodies moving as one as he began to thrust from underneath me.

“Oh…I’m…” James gasped and I felt his body shudder. “I’m gonna come.” He finally said as his body jerked and tensed. He thrust until his last waves of frenzy abandoned him but my body responded to it anyway and I quivered as my orgasm hit me, then I just stayed still waiting for my breathing to normalize. James took a hand to my back and pulled me down to him surrounding me with his arms and he kissed my cheek.

“I love you.” He said right in my ear. “We’re gonna be ok.” He said. “I swear.” I raised my head a bit and looked in his eyes. They were watered and I kissed his lips in support.

“Together, we’ll go through this.” I told him and I cleaned his eyes as his tears were about to fall. “Now let’s go to that supermarket or our children will starve tomorrow.” He smiled, pecked me and took his hands to my hips pulling me up.

“Oh…you could have dropped my jeans a little bit lower.” He said as he noticed they were stained with our fluids.

“Sorry.” I laughed. James took a quick shower while I got dressed.

“You look pretty.” He said sliding into a clean pair of jeans. I was wearing a blue dress.

“I bought it the other day.” I said spinning around.

“Looks great. I am ready, let’s go?” He asked grabbing his wallet and the car keys off the nightstand. I grabbed my purse and followed him downstairs. We grabbed our sleeping babies and took them to the car in our arms and them rested them in their chairs. The stroller went to the trunk and we left. It was the first time I was seeing the landscape. There was a river like I had predicted the night before and the way there was filled with trees, we were in fact in the middle of nowhere, I was even surprised our cells worked in there.

“Are you sure we are still in California?” I asked him smiling.

“Yep…” He smirked. The landscape was astonishing and as we approached the village I could see green mountains. The village itself was mainly one big main street where all the commerce was concentrated. I saw a pharmacy, butchery, library, some salons, the post office…I felt like I was in some kind of movie.

“This is just so…” I missed to find the right word to describe it so I didn’t finish my sentence.

“Tiny?” He asked pulling the car over. I looked at my side to find big red letters saying Supermarket.

“But beautiful.” I completed. He nodded. “Will you stay with them in the car?” I asked as I saw my kids still peacefully sleeping.

“Sure.” He agreed. Before I hopped off the car he grab my arm making me look back at him and he kissed me. “Now you can go.” He said. I left smiling at myself, so far so good but I knew things wouldn’t be that easy but at least, for these hours, I had my husband back and I knew that I would have him back again.

I bought everything I needed to make soup for the twins, since they became 5 months that soup was introduced to their meals so around lunch times milk was replaced by a plate of soup. I was loving being a mother and seeing all the transformations in them. First time they tasted soup was amazing and cute, there was soup all over and they also had to learn to eat with a spoon instead of just sucking. Cayla took the soup well at first time but Cullen fought a bit against it, now they were full used to it and loved it.

“I need to go to the pharmacy too.” I said getting in the car.

“Yeah, I noticed their milk is almost over.” He said. Not even one minute after we were parked in front of the pharmacy. I bought their milk and also diapers, just in case. I put all the bags in the trunk and joined James again. “We could bring some pizza so we can skip cooking dinner.” James suggested.

“Sounds good.” I agreed. Another minute and half and the pizza was at hand. I could get used to living in such a small town. Everything seemed so quiet and peaceful. The babies woke up so we took them with us. It was mixture of bar and restaurant and there were some people drinking. As the waitress put another glass of beer on the counter James looked away.

“Ade…I’d rather wait for you outside.” He said. I understood why. James took the stroller with him and I stayed alone. There I could have a hint how hard it was for him. When I got out with two boxes in my hand he was crouched in front of the stroller smiling and giggling with our children. “They are just so cute and grown up and they do so many things already.” He rambled.

“Are you alright?” I asked him. He got up and took the boxes off my hands putting them in the trunk. “Are you?” I insisted. He began to put Cullen in the chair and then Cayla. “Babe…” I grabbed his arm when he was going to close the stroller.

“Not very good.” He confessed. I ran a hand through his hair and then kissed his lips.

“Is there anything I can do?” I asked him hoping he’d say I could do this or that.

“No sweetie. Let’s go home, it’s dark already.” He said. I diverted the subject to light up his mood.

“The day today was extremely short.” I commented.

“Because you slept most of the day.”

“And I am still tired.” I said.

We made all our way in silence. I put all the vegetables in the fridge and James prepared the twin’s bath, he helped me bathing them but again he was silent, I guessed he began to crave it and didn’t want to talk to anyone so I respected that. I was not too sure of how to deal with that and I didn’t want to step out of the line. Once they were smelling terrifically good and had their milk the babies crashed onto their night sleep leaving us free. James put some more wood in the fireplace, nights were not warm in the woods, and helped me with the pizza. We were simple people, we decided to just sit on the floor and grab the pizza directly from the box.

“You are so silent.” I ventured.

“I am sorry.” He apologized. “Please Ade, it’s nothing with you. I am not mad at you or anything, my head is just giving me hell right now.” He explained.

“Wanna try and tell me what’s inside your head?” I rubbed his arm in support hoping that making him talk would relieve him some way.

“It’s like I have something hammering on it and pulling me to drink, it’s like another person is inside of me and yelling at me to go for it. This is hell…” He said taking both hands to his face in despair. I saw his hands tremble a bit.

“Oh…James…” I ran a hand through his hair. “What can I do? What do you want me to do?”

“Just distract me.” He pleaded with his eyes filled with tears. His hands shook again and I grabbed them with my own. “Do something. Take my mind away from here.” He asked. Seeing his despair made me wanna cry but I had to be strong for him. I did the first thing that crossed my mind, it had to be something meaningful, something that would make his senses twist. There was only one thing possible to take him away like that. I took my hands to his shoulders and pinned him against the couch sitting on him right after. His hands met my hips pulling me to him almost aggressively. I cupped his face between my hands and kissed him, his lips responded hungrily, all his moves were rough but caring at the same time.

“Cure me…” He whispered.
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

Poor James, fighting his demons will be very hard... I hope Ade's support is enough to help him through this. ;_;
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Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Lilith
February 22, 2012, 3:55 pm
Poor James, fighting his demons will be very hard... I hope Ade's support is enough to help him through this. ;_;
This exactly.
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Scorpion Flower
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Next morning when I woke up I was lying on my stomach and there was a hand right in front of my eyes playing with a strand of my hair.

“Sorry…” He said pulling his hand away. James was also laid on his stomach and face to face with me. “That strand was covering your face and I was pulling it away.” He explained peacefully.

“How many times have I told you that it is not good to watch me sleep.” I smiled. James smiled back.

“I love to watch you sleep and you looked just so peaceful, I wanted to be where you were, you know.”

“The babies…” I said as I didn’t hear a noise.

“They are sleeping, let them be.” He said. I took an arm off the covers and began to caress his hair, he closed his eyes a bit.

“You look sad.” I told him.

“I don’t feel alright.” He explained. I remained silent looking at him and our eyes met trying to communicate in silence. In the blue of his eyes I could read pain and depression maybe.

“Wanna come closer and I cuddle you.” I suggested smiling. He dragged himself closer and I raised my head a bit and began to plant tiny kisses on his face and running a hand through his hair.

“That feels good.” He whispered. I rested my head again in my pillow and looked at him.

“Feeling that bad?” I asked and James nodded. “The voice is still yelling?” He nodded again.

“Louder, much louder than yesterday. I just want to stay here.” He closed his eyes. I kissed him again and he remained still just enjoying my caresses.

“It will go away.” I whispered in his ear and continued on kissing him but then Cayla cried.

“Oh…no…” He complained. “Mommy is mine!” He said causing me to laugh.

“I think someone is calling me downstairs.” I said pulling the covers away. Immediately he pulled the covers back up and covered his head. I cannot say that he was in a terrible humor but definitely not in a good one. It was even not a question of humor, he was simply depressed.

Cayla smiled as soon as her eyes hit on me. She was so tricky that she made me smile at her. Cullen was also awake, of course, it was impossible to be asleep with his sister yelling by his side but being twins had some wonderful things. For example, sometimes they’d wake up and they be just there entertaining themselves not asking for attention right away. They’d play with each other and I witnessed more than once them baby talking to each other. If they actually understand what they are trying to say to each, that remains a mystery but they used to do that a lot and I always loved to watch their reactions.

I changed their diapers and got them dressed then I prepared their bottle and fed them. They were beginning to hold their bottle which was great. They were just growing up but the hard times of sleepless nights were basically gone, unless they were ill, sometimes teeth were also bad for a good night sleep but in a overall those were gone. I played with them for a while until they were tired and fell asleep again. I looked at the clock and it read 11 am. I came back upstairs and James was still in bed, still laid on his stomach, I laid on top of him and kissed the back of his shoulders and then his face.

“Come on, it’s a wonderful day outside, let’s do something. Take a walk with the kids.” I suggested.

“I don’t wanna get out of bed.” He said.

“Baby but you have to. I am demanding your attention and so are your babies.” I teased him. I knew I had to be the one taking hold of the situation and make him get out of bed and distract himself. “How about showering with me then.” I whispered in his ear. “And then we’ll see but at least shower with me and shave and then if you want you can come back to bed.” James didn’t move or said anything. I kissed his cheek trying to stir him up.

“Honestly Ade…no…I am not in the mood.” He said. There was no trace of aggression just a normal tone.

“Ok.” I said throwing my towel down. I kissed his cheek one last time and left him in bed. I picked up a pair of black jeans a strapless pink top. I left it on the chair and disappeared to the bathroom. I closed the door and turned the knob around, while the water heated I took my pajama off and left it on the floor, finally I got in and drenched my hair. I felt the door opening but I didn’t look back but I knew he was inside, soon he held me from behind and kissed my shoulder.

“Changed your mind?” I asked him not looking back. His hands roamed to my naked breasts.

“Yes.” He said nibbling on my ear as his hands squeezed my breasts gently. I knew he came for sex, the perfect way to divert his head from alcohol but I was alright with that. Last times we had sex it was good and we were bonding again. I turned around and kissed his lips, his searched for mine hungrily and despite his urge he kissed me with passion. The passion that he had lost somehow was coming back bit by bit. He tilted his head back as I began to kiss his neck and his fingers lingered over my wet hair.

“I love you Ade.” He said while I kissed him. “I love you so much babe.” He whispered and then again. “I love you.” I thought he needed to let that out off his chest. I felt his muscles relax under my touch. The more I caressed the more he’d relax. I kissed my way down. His erection jumped in front of my eyes and I grabbed it in my hand giving it a light stroke, he shuddered a bit. I looked up and our gaze locked, his eyes asking me for it, I just locked my lips around it and he thrust lightly. I knew he wanted it. He was not rushing nor using force, he was calm thrusting slow in an acceptable rhythm and I was quite frankly enjoying doing it. Then he stopped thrusting but I continued pleasuring him with my mouth, he loved that and soon his moans echoed on the bathroom but low moans as if he was controlling them, too sexy for my ears. I was there to stay until the end but his hands pulled me up.

“Don’t you want me to finish?” I asked him but he just silenced me with a kiss.

“No…” He said breaking the kiss then he pecked me. “I want you. I just want you.” He said.

“But I was here.” I told him smiling as his hands pushed me against the wall.

“But it would be only about me and I want it to be about us.” He said kissing my neck. I tugged my fingers onto his hair and smiled again at his words. I felt his hands going down under my butt and he pulled me up. His face flushed a bit as he used his strength to do it, I wrapped my legs around him and he made his way in teasingly and incredibly slow but amazingly good, making me gasp as he did it. “I could never see that face if we stayed like that.” He breathed looking in my eyes. “I love you.” He said again kissing me as he began to move. Our tongues entwined at the same rhythm as his body moved against mine.

“You are amazing.” I gasped.

“Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for loving me.” He said with tears in his eyes.

“I would die for you if I had to.” I said as I felt my eyes watering too. As our pleasure increased also his thrusts became faster and rougher and our senses became numb and unable to maintain a coherent conversation. Moans and our bodies clasping were all that could be heard in the bathroom and he was trying hard to pleasure me the maximum he could. I was flattered that in his messed and bruised mind he could find a will to make that moment about me and not about him. He made me feel it was all about me in the way he delayed his own orgasm, in the way he kissed me, in the love words he whispered in my ear, in every gesture. Just when I cried out his name he rushed to his own pleasure. I loved the way he patiently made love to me, James rested his forehead against mine gasping for hair.

“I love you.” I told him able to speak again. “I cannot tell you this enough times.”

“And I always let you down.” He said.

“You don’t.” I said pulling his face up to look at me. James and I showered and then came back to the room. I began to get dressed but I saw him putting his boxers and shirt and going to bed again.

“Hey…” I complained looking at him. I could not let him go back to bed and sink on his thoughts again. I had to drag him out of the house, laugh and smile and make him feel good. That was the way to help him go through all that and not let him drown in his addiction. I had to make that voice disappear. I walked up to him and pulled the covers away. “No. There is a fantastic sun outside, we have our babies with us and we’re going for a walk, spend some time outside. Maybe have lunch in the village.” He frowned but I grabbed his hand and pulled him. “Come on.” I said. Cullen and Cayla gave signs of being awake. “Look your kids are awake and they want to have their lunch so I need you to distract them while I cook their soup.” I defied him. James ended up smiling and dragged himself out of the bed again. He picked up some shorts and his flip flops.

“You are amazing you know that?” He said as he embraced me and pecked me.

“We have a life to live.” I said. He nodded and grabbed my hand going downstairs. We peaked at the twins’ bed and they smiled at us, happy to see us.

“Morning.” James giggled at them, then he took them off their crib and sat them on the carpet near the fireplace, he began to play with them and I left to prepare their food. From the kitchenette I could see him play and laugh with our children and that rested my heart for a while. It really looked like his morning depression was disappearing but I also knew it didn’t, not completely. We’d have to go through that every day but I would find a way to fight it until it was completely gone. James helped me giving the soup to them and then we decided to go explore the village and have lunch there. We dressed the babies and left on his truck.

“It is a nice day indeed.” He said looking out at the window as he drove.

“You better close your window a bit. There’s too much wind for them.” I said.

“Oh…sorry…” He said closing it right away. “I don’t want them to get cold.” I rested my hand on his leg and he rested his own on top of mine. All of a sudden we were alright and it seemed like we were just on holidays. We stopped near a restaurant which specialty was fish. The twins fell asleep in the car and at least we could have our meal peacefully, it reminded us of what it was like before they were born. I had to give him that, so many things change after having a baby, let alone two. We took all the time in the world to talk and enjoy the food.

“Thanks for yank me out of the bed.” He said.

“See, the day is perfect, isn’t it better being here with us?” He nodded.

“But I think I need to talk with my sponsor.” He said.

“If you think then we can go back.” I told him.

“It’s in LA Ade. The center was in LA:” He said. “We could go and stay at your house, I bet you’d like that. You miss LA don’t you?”

“I do.” I confessed.

“We stay here a couple of days and then we go there. I want to talk to my sponsor.”

“What if he says you have to stay there?” I asked him. He shrugged.

“If he thinks it’s better then I’ll have to stay. I need help, I know that. I need professional help again, only I am strong enough to realize that and I owe that to you, for coming here and bring them and show me how much I was losing.” I grabbed his hand.

“Then we’ll go. It’s another fight and another chapter. I’ll go with you.” He smiled and kissed me in the middle of the restaurant.

“How come a lousy human being like I am is such a lucky bastard.”

“Fist you are not a lousy human being and second you fought hard to be lucky.”

After lunch and as the babies woke up we decided for a walk near the river in front of the cabin. We took towels and spent a nice afternoon with them. They shuddered as we put their feet on the water, I guessed they were cold but they made us laugh. It was just us and our kids and no one else. Cullen and Cayla giggling and James and I laughing every time they did something new. It was great to see my family gathered again without crying or false hopes, there was a real hope now and I saw a light at the end of tunnel. We deserved a happy ending after all we had been through in our lives. I knew that happy ending was not near, still we were walking up to it. I could imagine how going with James to the rehab center would be hard but I was willing to hold his hand on this journey too. At the end of the day we came back to the cabin, bathed the twins, fed them and put them to sleep then it was our quiet night. Just for us…

“Put on a coat.” He said kissing the tip of my nose. I followed him outside and James was barbecuing.

“Oh…” I clapped.

“Here…” He said handing me a burger.

“Hummm…the things you made while I was trying to put them to sleep.”

“I decided to make us dinner. I loved our day today.” He held my waist pulling me to him. I kissed his lips.

“I loved it too. I loved to see you smile and relaxed.”

“This is far from being over.” He said serious.

“But we took a few steps towards the end.” I cheered him up.

“I can’t thank you enough Ade. It is so important to me the support you are giving me.”

“And you wanted to go through this alone.” I said.

“I would never be able to do it. I need you here with me, I am sure of that.”

“Well…I am here.” I said kissing him in a more suggestive way. He pulled me down on the long chaise and slid his hand under my coat. “The meat is gonna burn.” I told him.

“We’ll put some more later.” He said capturing my lips irresistibly.
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Voxx
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Oh Ade is just so perfect! I love her, I really do! I think it takes a certain kind of woman to stand by her man the way she is despite everything. And he needs her more now than ever before! I'm glad he has made the decision to see his sponsor. I was waiting for that to happen because when you think about how bad his problem was initially, he needed help then, it would have been a miracle if he could have done it all on his own this time around. And if he has to go back into re-hab; well then so be it. Just so long as he gets happy and healthy so he can look after all his children!
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