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How We Became Fire; Het, REPOST from a year ago.James and ADE. Love, hate, love...
Topic Started: December 23, 2011, 1:25 pm (17,529 Views)
Lilith
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Jaimelicious

I'm happy they survived his abstinence syndrome. I think it's better for him to look for professional help. But at least things are beginning to look better for them, as long as they remain together.
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
I woke up with a giant ice stone clutched onto my body. My eyes opened wide as I felt this heavy and cold weight against my body. I turned around to find James trembling. His skin was pale and his temples were sweating and his lips were purple.

“James!” I exclaimed horrified. I didn’t know what was happening to him. “Baby what’s wrong?”

“I am cold Ade. I’m so cold.” He said with his jaw trembling.

“Come here.” I said bringing him closer to my body. James snuggled against me the best he could but after a couple of minutes he was still freezing. That was not fever as his body was ice cold instead of being hot. He trembled all over without being able to stop. “How long have you been like this?”

“I don’t know. It started a couple of hours ago but it got worse.” He said. “I almost didn’t have any sleep.”

“I am going to make you some hot tea, maybe it will help. Maybe we should go to a hospital or something.” I said. I let go of him and sat on the bed looking at his face, he looked almost like a dead body. “James…you are scaring me.” I said with tears in my eyes.

“Don’t cry babe.” He said. “Bring me some tea.” He asked. I kissed his forehead and got out of the bed. Before going downstairs I searched for another blanket in the closet and put it on him and I tucked him really well so he could get warmer. Downstairs I began to brew the tea but I was too frightened with his condition. I picked up my cell that was on the living room’s table and dialed Deanna’s number, I had an idea that was related to the alcohol and if it was she could help me, if it was not I would drag him to the nearest hospital. Deanna could help me because she was a recovered alcoholic as well.

“Hello sweat sister in law.” She said happily on the other side of the line as she took the call.

“Dee…” I called her name in panic.

“Hey, what is it?” She asked changing her tone to a serious one.

“Your brother…” I began. I heard her breathing becoming heavier all of a sudden. “He got back to alcohol some months ago.” I told her. I had to tell her the truth to know exactly what was happening to him.

“Oh no…” She said disappointed.

“Yeah…but listen, we’re at this cabin up in the north of the state, he wants to get clean but now he’s up there cold as hell and he’s shaking all over and sweating, only it’s cold sweat, I don’t know what it is…” I explained almost crying. “Can you help me?”

“How long since he had his last drink?” She asked. I thought for a while.

“48 hours I think.”

“Then it’s beginning…” She said as if she was thinking to herself.

“What is beginning?” I asked her.

“It’s abstinence syndrome Ade. You should take him to a hospital or something, there’s medicines to stop those hideous effects.” So it was related to alcohol as I thought.

“He doesn’t want to go.”

“Is he crazy, going through that like that! Well, maybe it’s a good thing if you talk to his sponsor, maybe he knows what you should do if he wants to stay home. It’s not going to be easy Ade, it’s gonna get worse until his body stops physically craving for it.”

“I don’t care, I just want to help him and stop that. He looks terrible. I am scared.”

“Talk to his sponsor Ade, he’ll know what to do. Will you keep me updated on this, now I am worried about him.”

“Sure Dee. I have to go, I am going to bring him some tea.” I hung up the phone and checked on my twins who were still sleeping and not giving signs of awakening so I continued my duty to take care of their father. I ran upstairs holding the cup in my hands. James was curled on himself shaking all over. The bags under his eyes were even more visible and his lips more violet. I sat by his side and his blue eyes met mine but there was this distance in them, as if he was not even looking at me. I helped him sit and wrapped a blanket around his shoulders.

“Look at you…”I whispered as I cleaned the tear drops off his temples with a towel. I put the cup on his hands and he barely made it to his mouth without spilling a bit of the liquid. “Let me help you.” I said taking the cup off his hands and taking it to his mouth. “And you wanted to go through this alone.” I commented running a hand through his hair. He looked so pale it was even scary.

“I feel dizzy.” He complained closing his eyes.

“It’s ok babe, don’t move too much alright.” I took the cup again to his lips and he took a sip. “Is it warming you?” I asked him. He shook his head. “You are too cold James.”

“I don’t feel alright.” He complained again turning even paler if that was even possible. My heart began to beat franticly as he disfigured, then he made the gesture to get out of bed but I had to help him. He tried to stand. “I need the toilet.” He whispered making his second attempt to stand and I helped him but he just sat back not taking his vomit, he puked on the floor. “I am sorry Ade.” He said.

“Hey, come on.” I said helping him to the bathroom. James sat on the toilet while I cleaned his face with a wet towel.

“I’m sorry Ade.” He said again.

“It’s ok. Go back to bed, I need to call your sponsor James. You are scaring me, I have to know what to do. You look awful and I am not sure if you shouldn’t be in the hospital. You are too cold I am quite sure this is not normal.” James nodded.

“You have his phone number in my cell.” He said. I helped him back to bed and tucked him again. There were not enough blankets to keep him warm, his body was just cold. Before I called his sponsor I cleaned the floor, he had thrown out all the tea he had drank. Just when I was about to call the doctor my kids woke up. I felt a bit helpless without knowing where to turn but James ordered me to go to them first.

“They’re crying Ade, go to them. They are hungry and they need you.” He said. That was a fact, right that moment there was no one else for them but me. I ran downstairs and put their bottles to heat in the microwave.

“Hey guys.” I greeted them peeking at their bed. The cry subsided once they saw me and the tears where replaced with smiles. Best thing that happened to me that morning. I took them out of the bed and put them in their stroller then I put the bottles in their mouth and they began to suck hungry as they were. “Please, today cooperate with mom and dad. Dad is sick alright…” I talked to them while they sucked with their tiny hands around their bottle and their blue eyes gazing at me. “Daddy needs silence and as we love him we are going to behave ok?” I smiled talking to them which caused them to smile back. “You slackers…” I giggled. “Come on, we need to go up and help dad.” Once they were finished I changed their diapers and got them dressed. I sat them back on their bed with some toys in the middle so they could entertain themselves while I called James’s sponsor.

“James…” He said as he picked up the call as I was calling from James’s cell.

“I am sorry Dr. Callahan but I am James’s wife.” I said introducing myself.

“I am sorry, Can I help you with anything?” He offered immediately as he sensed something was not alright.

“Well, James began to drink again a couple of months ago.” I told him.

“I am so sorry to hear that. He was doing so well, almost ten years sober…” He said.

“I know. I don’t understand why he began again.” I relieved. “Anyway, I am worried because he decided to stop and we came up to the North to a quiet place so he could be away from the city and his usual life again, he said this was the right way to do it.”

“All alone? With no help? That’s hard. How is he doing?” The doctor asked.

“Well yesterday he was not doing that bad, he was sometimes distant and a little depressed, he didn’t want to get out of bed, I guess depression is a good explanation. He also mentioned he had like a voice yelling inside his head pulling him to drink. He was dwelling.”

“He was craving Mrs. Hetfield. And now?”

“Today he’s even worse. He’s really cold and he’s sweating. I tried to keep him warm in bed but nothing seems to work, he’s shaking too but I guess that has to do with the cold. He’s pale and he also threw up. He said he felt dizzy and nausea.”

“That’s abstinence syndrome. Mrs. Hetfield, if there’s any alcoholic drinks around the house now it is the right time to get rid of them because this part is very hard, even painful, soon he is going to complain with pain in his legs and they tend to look for alcohol because it eases the pain.” I sat on a chair listening to him and keeping an eye on my kids as they played.

“There’s nothing alcoholic in here.” I said.

“Good. If his temperature doesn’t increase try to put him in a tub with hot water in it, that will help for sure but you must not let his temperature come lower, it is dangerous. You must keep him hydrated because he’s sweating too much, also his stomach is sensible, try to feed him with fruit and vegetables, chicken soup is also good but you have to make him eat. He’s probably going to have insomnia, if you have some pills to help him sleep it would be great or maybe anti anxiety, those would be awesome as he’s going to have anxiety attacks for sure. He’s going to come to a point when it’s gonna seem like he can’t breathe, his heart is beating a bit faster, it’s anxiety don’t panic, you just have to try and calm him down.”

“Thank you so much for helping me.” I said.

“You can call me anytime, if you have any doubts or if there’s some other side effect, just call me. He should be here doing that, with medicines to control that.”

“He didn’t want to go. He says he’s going to want to talk to you but after this.”

“Ok. He’s suffering a lot and probably he’s in pain too, you have to be patient. Probably tomorrow is going to be worse but then eventually he’s going to get better.”

“Thank you again.”

“If anything abnormal happens then you should take him to the nearest hospital.”

“Ok.” I said and then I hung up. I picked up the babies and took them upstairs. I put them on our bed and James opened his eyes to look at them.

“I need to take a shower James, can you keep an eye on them?” I asked him. I knew it was a risk but I could not leave them alone in the living room. James nodded and I hurried to the shower. It must have been the quickest shower I’ve ever taken in my life, I came back running to the room and got dressed, then I sat back on the bed putting my palm against his face. Cullen and Cayla did it too but they pulled away fast as they felt it so cold, then Cullen looked at me pouting and began to cry.

“Oh baby, daddy is cold?” I talked to him picking him up in my arms. “I think he got scared.” I smiled turning to James who gave me a faded smile.

“I am so fucked up even my son is afraid of me.” He said. Cayla was looking at James serious, she also felt something different when she touched him. “It’s daddy sweetheart.” He whispered to her but he could barely speak. I went downstairs for a while so I could have something to eat and finally when the babies fell asleep again I came back to him to find him whimpering all alone.

“Babe, I am here.” I said laying on the bed by his side.

“Make this disappear Ade. Please, make this disappear.” He begged me. “It hurts…it hurts…” He complained wincing.

“What hurts James?” I asked.

“Everything. My body hurts, every single bone, my head…awwww…” He winced and shake. He was still cold. “Make this go away Ade, please help me.” He pleaded again. I held him close to me and rocked him a bit but I knew that would not do anything to him. “I need a drink, this will go away if I have a drink.” He was beginning to despair.

“James, no…look at me.” I asked him pulling his face to look at me, his gaze a faded weird blue. “You can’t drink, stay in this with me.” He closed his eyes again without saying anything. “I know this is hard…” I said.

“I am so cold…” He whimpered. I began to realize I had a tremendous hard task ahead plus I had two babies to take care of, that would be a very hard thing to go through and my heart was aching to see him in that condition.

“I know what I can try to do.” I said. “Wait here…” I told him leaving him alone. I went to the bathroom and ran the water until it was warm enough, then I began to fill the hot tub, when it was ready I came back for him. I grabbed his hand and helped him stand. James leaned with an arm around my shoulders and walked with me. In there I took his shirt off and pulled his boxers down leaving him naked, then wanting to make him feel supported and wanted I took my own clothes off and helped him in, sitting him between my legs with our bodies submerged in hot water.

“Ooh…” He moaned a bit.

“Does this feel alright?” I said cupping a bit of water between my hands and dropping it over his head.

“Yes, it feels good.” I felt his shudders subsiding as we stayed in there and his muscles began to relax.

“Is the pain gone?” I asked kissing his shoulder.

“Yes.” He whispered. His head leaned against my shoulder in peace, at least for as long as we stayed there. When our skin began to wrinkle I took us out of there. I dried him and helped him getting dressed, taking him to bed again and rolling him on the blankets. His lips’ color was back to normal even thought he was still pale and with black bags under his eyes. I kissed his forehead.

“Try to sleep.” I whispered in his ear as I saw him a bit better, now I knew the secret to keep him warm, at least I would not freak out anymore as I was. It is not a good feeling touching your husband and he’s ice cold.

“Can you stay here with me?” He asked me. I snuggled against him and surrounded his waist with my arm and then I kissed the back of his shoulder. Truth was I had to go to the kitchen and cook the babies’ meal and then my own lunch and maybe something to him but I stayed with him, he needed me and I could not turn my back on him.

“I am here, now close your eyes and try to sleep a bit.” I said.

“I feel sleepy.” He said. His voice was just a whisper and I knew he was falling asleep but I also knew he wouldn’t sleep for long according to what the doctor’s told me. Soon I felt his heavy breathing and he was calm, at least for a moment. I got up and walked around the bed and kneeled in front of him. I ran my hand softly through his hair and kissed his forehead. Before I went downstairs I laid another blanket over him to keep him warm, if that was possible. I hurried to the kitchen to get everything ready because I knew when James wake up he would need me. Nothing was gone yet…on the contrary, it was just beginning.
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Nah Bruno
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Poor Twisted Me
[ * ]
God! :ugh:
Just want you to know that I'm still reading and enjoying it! :biggrin

Ade should call Fran, she knows how to deal with it. Although it'd be hard for the kids to know his back on the bottle.

:heart:
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cmania
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Frantic
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Great writer scorpionflower girl :heart: :heart:
give us some more
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
“ADE!” I heard his voice calling me loud upstairs. “ADE!” He called again in such need and panic that I left the babies all alone and ran upstairs.

“James…” I breathed as I saw him sat on bed with his hands shaking. He didn’t manage to sleep more than two hours but it was enough to get lunch ready, fed the twins and have lunch myself, at least that. “What is it?” I asked him sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I can’t breathe.” He said gasping for air. I remembered the anxiety the doctor talked about. I put a hand on his chest and his heart was beating fast and he was cold again. “My hands are getting numb.” He complained. I grabbed both his hands with mine and placed a kiss on each.

“Calm down.” I told him. I came closer and surround his neck with my arms and held him close. “Shuuuuu…” I whispered rocking him back and forward as if I was putting one of our kids to sleep. “Breathe slowly.” I instructed him. James was panting as if he had been running, I guess he was scared with what he was feeling. I strayed a bit and rested my forehead against his. “Breathe slowly.” I whispered at him. I took a hand to his face and our noses touched. “Take a deep breath. Come on…” I still whispered because whispering calms people down. He began to sob slightly. “Oh no…don’t cry babe.” Even though he was crying I felt his breathing calming down. He was beginning to stabilize.

“I can’t do this…” He said. “I can’t…” He cried. My hand cleaned his tears and I kissed his cheek pulling him to me again.

“You are strong and I am here with you.” I supported him. “You are cold again.” I said.

“I’m freezing.” He complained. I pulled the blankets over his shoulders and rolled it around him.

“How are your hands?” I asked.

“Fine now.” He said breathing normally again. Probably the anxiety would come back but I managed to calm it down.

“I am going to bring you something to eat alright?”

James shook his head. “I don’t want to eat Ade.” He said but I insisted.

“You need to eat babe. I made chicken soup for you. It will do you good.” I explained. “I’ll be right back.” I kissed his forehead and went back down. My babies were playing sat on their bed, as long as they weren’t crying I knew they were alright. I peeked at them just to be sure and before I put some soup on a mug I leaned against the counter and began to cry. It was overwhelming to see James in that condition not to mention painful and it broke my heart into million pieces. I could not cry in front of him, I could not show him weakness that would be his end, so all alone I cried. I let out my fear, my despair then I cleaned my tears and prepared the soup to take upstairs. Before going up there I washed my face in the basin to disguise my crying the best way possible. Kids were still calm so I ran upstairs again.

James was laid rolled on the covers and I could see his body shake under it. I put my pillow against the headboard and helped him sit with his back against it. I adjusted the blankets over him and then I gave him the first spoon. James lightly smiled.

“Now you have to feed me too.” He said but he was not joking, he had this sadness in his eyes that killed me inside.

“I don’t mind.” I said resting him. I kept on giving him the soup and watched his lips, even thought he was cold again, their color was normal but I had to be careful with that. After a couple of spoons he frowned.

“I’m fine. I can’t have no more.” He said pulling the mug away from him.

“But James you barely eat.” I said. “Do some effort.” I asked.

“I can’t. I don’t feel alright, my stomach is churning.” He said lying down again. “Go see the babies, I’ll be fine.” He said tucking his pillow under his head and closing his eyes. I kissed his cheek and went back downstairs.

“If you need anything just call me alright.” I said in the middle of the stairs but I didn’t hear any sound. I put the mug in the sink. The sun was shinning outside but I could not venture to leave James alone. I had to be there. I took the twins off the bed and sat them on the carpet with some toys and I sat with them. They were happy and giggled trying to reach for the cow they loved so much, I smiled watching them. Stretching my arm I turned the TV on but pressed the mute button as I figured out James would like to be in silence or at least the most he could have. I wasn’t on the best mood to watch TV to tell the truth, I just needed to have other company than two babies and a sick husband. Cayla whimpered a bit complaining.

“Hey, come on.” I tapped her head. “You don’t wanna make some noise and get daddy mad at you right?” I smiled and she smiled back with a plastic toy on her hand. “Give me that.” I said stretching my hand at her. “Give that to mommy.” I insisted and she placed the toy in my hand but then she glanced at the toy serious as if she regretted it, her little hand came for it again and she took it away. “Aww…I am sad.” I pouted at her but she just giggled with her little achievement and made me giggle.

“Dah…” She blurted waving the toy up and down. Cullen laid on the carpet and fell asleep. I picked him up and put him in bed.

“You should be sleeping too.” I said picking Cayla up in my arms and she hit me with the toy. “Careful sweetie…” I said taking the toy away from her hand and then I kissed her. “Who’s mommy’s little princess?” I asked her. “Who is it ‘uh?” I tickled her belly making her giggle. “Yes, Cayla is.” I said burying my nose on her cheek and kissing her fiercely.

“Ade…sweetie…” James called me. I got up and grabbed Cayla’s toy and went upstairs with her in my arms.

“What is it?” I asked him.

“Can you help me?” He asked me trying to get out of the bed. He looked pale again. I sat Cayla on the floor and gave her the toy then I grabbed James by his arm and offered him support until he reached the toilet. There he fell on his knees and puked again. With an eye on Cayla and my hands resting on his shoulders I stayed there while he threw everything he had on his stomach out then he sat on the floor with his back against the toilet and he rolled his eyes on the back of his head. He was sweating again.

“Oh baby…” I said getting up of the floor and picking up a towel, with that I began to dry his face.

“I am such a piece of shit for dragging you to this with me.” He said.

“Don’t say that ok.” I told him with tears in my eyes, there I couldn’t hide it. I wasn’t crying for myself I was crying for him.

“Don’t cry Ade, please.” He asked me. James sounded so weak it was even scary, not a trace of that thunderous voice of his. I cleaned my eyes.

“I’m not crying!” I said trying my voice not to shake as I kept on running the towel over his temples.

“You were.” He said. Then we heard a thud and Cayla began to cry. I looked back to find her laid on the floor, she fell back. “Get her!” James almost shouted. I ran to her and picked her in my arms running my hands on her head.

“It’s ok sweetie.” I said as I also kissed her head. She stopped crying as soon as she felt safe so I guessed she was not hurt and she was just scared.

“How’s she?” James asked concerned leaning on the threshold of the bathroom’s door. I took a deep breath calming myself down.

“She’s fine.” I told him. I came to him and holding Cayla on one arm, I offered him my other to help him back on the bed. Cayla began to rub her face on my cleavage and I knew that she was sleepy. As James laid back on bed and I sat on it and laid Cayla on my lap, rocking her. She grabbed a strand of my hair in her hand, as she always did, and her eyes began to close. After a while she fell asleep, I was going to put her near Cullen but James called me.

“Ade…leave her here with me.” He asked. I rested Cayla by his side and he put his arm over her. I guess he needed to have company by his side or maybe something to make him remember why he was going through all that first place. I stayed with them until I felt James sleeping again.

I went downstairs as the house was quiet again. I laid my drained body on the couch and called Katy. I needed to talk to someone.

“How are you?” She asked. Her question made me cry instantly. “Oh…Ade…” She whispered.

“I’m sorry…” I told her cleaning my tears but still whimpering a bit. “Things are just insane right now. You should see him, I never thought it was like this. I had to call his sponsor to know how to deal with this. It’s so damn hard…and I not complaining about the fact that it’s fucking insane for me, it is hard to see him like that.”

“Is it that bad?” She asked in a concerned tone. I nodded as if she was right there in front of me.

“It is. It breaks my heart to see him like that. He can barely stand on his feet. He doesn’t sleep, been sleeping by bits now during the day. He looks pale…” I sighed. “And I could go on.”

“Stay strong Ade. For him, he needs you.”

“I love him so much.” I told her whimpering again and I felt my eyes watering again.

“Don’t cry in front of him Ade because I am quite sure it will break his heart.”

“I’ve been trying but I am not made of stone.” I said.

“Here everything is fine. Disco is ok, I took him for a walk at the beach today, he loved it.”

“Thank you so much Katy.”

“Don’t thank me. I will always be here for you, I know you would do the same for me if you had to.”

“I would, don’t ever doubt that.” I heard some noise so I raised my head a bit and I saw James coming down the stairs rolled in a blanket. “James!” I exclaimed.

“Oh…I better leave you dear.” Katy said on the other side of the line.

“We’ll talk tomorrow. I have to go.” I heard Katy saying something by I hung up unable to hear it. I ran to him to help him. “What are you doing here ?” I asked him helping him sit on the couch by my side. He was shaking all over, his jaw trembling.

“I can’t sleep like this.” He said resting his head on my chest.

“I better bring Cayla down here, it’s not safe if she’s sleeping all alone in our bed.” I said.

“It’s ok, I put our pillows around her so she won’t fall off the bed.” He said. At least he was still conscious. I relaxed hearing that and pulled him closer to me.

“Weren’t you better in bed?” I asked him. He was getting too cold again.

“I want to be near you.” He said. I kissed the top of his head. “My body hurts so much Ade.” He complained. I ran my hand through his hair.

“It will go away.” I tried to support him.

“I am desperate.” He cried. Suddenly his shoulders began to shake and I knew that was not a side effect but because he was crying. I held him even closer and silently my tears also began to fell.

“I am here.” I said rocking him in my arms again. “I will always be here for you.”

“I am cold, so cold.” I cleaned my tears and got up helping him stand again. His lips were turning purple again so I took him upstairs and put him on the hot tub. This time I didn’t go in with him but I stayed there in case he fell asleep in the water. James relaxed again and I knew he would sleep a bit more once I put him back to bed, and he did. I took Cayla away and put her near Cullen. I had the time to prepare their bottles and watch a bit of TV. It felt good that I had some time to truly relax.

Between taking care of the twins and having dinner, James was in between trying to eat but throwing it all out right after. I lost the count of the times I had to help him in the bathroom, even the water I gave him was enough to make him puke. The night brought even worse effects. Around midnight I went to bed. He wasn’t sleeping at all, his trembling was much worse and he complained of a lot of pain all over his body.

“Babe…calm down.” I said as he was almost yelling in pain.

“I can’t take it Ade.” He winced. I asked him to turn around and I tried to massage his muscles.

“Does it feel good?” I asked him. He just nodded but I was feeling his skin too cold once again. I massaged him for as long as I could but then my fingers and my hands began to be sore and I had to stop. “Let’s try to get some sleep now alright?” He nodded again but I knew that would be hard. Anyway I turned the light out and closed my eyes. I was exhausted and James tried his best not to disturb me. He strayed a bit from me so his cold body wouldn’t touch mine. I eventually fell asleep but soon I was awaken by him. He was whimpering low and trembling on the edge of his side of the bed. I dragged myself to him and put a hand on his shoulders.

“I am sorry.” He said shivering, even his teeth were making noise.

“Oh James, you are so cold.” I held against him and I shivered as his cold body made my own cold. I took my hand to his forehead and there was sweat drops all over. I turned the light on and I read the time 2 am, then he turned at me and he was pale again with his lips purple and what scared me the most was that the tip of his fingers were also purple. “Oh God…” I said pulling the covers away, running to the bathroom to fill the tub with hot water again.

I came back to bring him but he was weak, on our way to the bathroom James puked on the floor again, again he cried and said he was sorry a thousand times but honestly I was just too worried about him to worry a bout the rest. This time I got in the tub with him, he needed support to keep his head off water. I felt his body like dead and I called him.

“James…” Nothing, not even a move. “JAMES!” I called him loud and his body reacted. “Shit…you scared me.” I said.

“I guess I was falling asleep.” He said but I was feeling him just too far gone.

“Are you feeling anything different?” I asked him ready to get dressed and take him to nearest hospital that I didn’t have a clue where it was.

“I just feel peace.” He said closing his eyes again. I couldn’t let him fall asleep otherwise I wouldn’t be able to take him to bed so I kept calling him and making him stupid questions to make him talk, when I was finally able to bring him back to the bedroom he fell asleep. I took the time to clean the bedroom’s floor and when I came back he was sweating again and shaking. It was just too out of control.

It was like that during the whole night. I lost count of how many times I had to clean the floor because he wasn’t able to make it to the toilets or how many times I had gone inside the tub with him but I was willing to do whatever it took. Finally around 7 am he calmed down and we were able to lay in bed. His body was warm and the pain was subsiding, around 8 am we both fell asleep with James clutched against my body but I was just happy he was able to rest. I needed to rest myself.
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

OMG! I was so naive to think it was over. Man, was just the beginning. :ugh: Poor Ade, but she is so strong. I love all the description of his symptoms. I hope this hell ends soon for them. :)
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
My twins woke me up crying not long after I fell asleep, I looked at my side to find James sleeping but his body was trembling a bit at the same time, I put my hand on his face to check the temperature, he seemed fine and then I went to rescue my kids. I kept the living room dark to fool them, pretending it was still night. I needed to sleep more and that way I knew I could easily put them back to sleep after the bottle. It all went as I had planned and after putting them back in bed I came back to mine.

I could barely keep my eyes open when my head hit the pillow again. James was whimpering on his sleep, what a strange way of being asleep. I tried his temperature again and he was warm enough but he snuggled against me when I felt me by his side again. His subconscious was working.

“Are you alright?” I whispered trying to get a response but there was nothing and I didn’t insist. His hand landed on my waist and his entire body curled around mine, I just closed my eyes and sleep.

Around lunch time the babies woke up again. There I could not pretend it was still night. Much against my will I got up and took them out of bed and kept them entertained for a while. I felt drained and could barely have the patience to play with them. I had the food from the previous day ready so at least I didn’t have to cook. I had lunch as I felt hungry and fed my kids and when they were tired again and ready for their nap, I heated some chicken soup and took it upstairs. James was still sleeping, in fact it was worrying me now that he was sleeping so much but he seemed rather normal.

“Babe…” I whispered in his ear to wake him up. As he didn’t move I shake him a bit and called him again, there he stirred a bit giving signs of waking up. James blinked a few times before opening his eyes. I sat at the edge of the bed smiling at him. “I brought you lunch.” I said showing him the mug in my hands, without saying a word he sat on the bed and stretched me his hands. “Can you eat alone?” I asked him.

“I think so.” He said with his sleepy voice but his hands were shaking a bit. I tried to give him the mug anyway and he began to eat. He wasn’t talking so I remained silent as well, he was calmer but his humor was different. I was happy to see that he finished the soup though. I came back downstairs to leave the mug in the sink and I had a piece of fruit, when I had my first bite in the apple I heard his vomits and the toilet flushing, he was still not perfect. When I came back to bed he was just doing the same.

“I can’t hold anything in my stomach.” He complained. His voice was stronger than the day before and he was not so pale, the side effects were decreasing.

“Are you still in pain?” I asked him running a hand through his hair.

“No. That is gone.” He said. James closed his eyes ready to sleep again. “I just want to sleep.” He said. I didn’t have the time to tell him to sleep well as he fell asleep right there. I closed my eyes to sleep a bit more.

Later I was awaken by my cell vibrating on my nightstand. James was slightly snoring and I felt my head pounding as I opened my eyes. With an eye opened and another one closed I saw Deanna’s name flashing on the display.

“Hi.” I said clearing my throat as my voice sounded too sleepy.

“Were you sleeping dear?” She asked. I pulled the covers away to talk away from the room. James was rolling on the bed and I didn’t want to disturb him, I knew he needed to rest.

“Yes. I spent the whole night helping your brother and only around 8 am I was able to stabilize him a bit and then sleep. I am exhausted.” I said rather whispering as I sat on the couch near Cayla and Cullen who were fast asleep as well.

“So he is better now? I was calling to see how he was doing and you, of course.”

“He is better now. I talked to the doctor and he gave me a couple of hints about how to deal with it. Today he’s very sleepy, I guess he’s tired from the hell of a day and night he had.” I explained.

“Yeah, that is also a side effect. He must feel depressed and tired at the same time and his body is asking him to sleep.”

“At least he’s not looking like a dead body and cold and almost yelling in pain. I’d rather have him that way. He still can’t eat.”

“Maybe tonight he will go without throwing it out. These things take some time and then the body adjusts again. I take my hat off at him for doing this this way.”

“He begged for a drink.” I said. “It came to a point where he couldn’t take no more and he asked for booze, but he’s brave either way. When this is all over and he feels alright we’re going to LA, his sponsor is there and he wants to talk to him and honestly, so do I. I also need to process this in my mind, I don’t know if I need therapy but I sure need to understand why.”

“He wants to go?”

“Yeah, it was his idea.”

“Then it’s great. The doctor will ask for your presence for sure, usually the couple has to go through this together. Even though you’re not an alcoholic you had to deal with some sort of abuse, his violent speech, his humor, you know all the things that hurt.”

“Abuse it’s the right word. I feel abused somehow. Not playing the victim, no way. I am here to support him but…” Deanna interrupted me.

“You are a victim indeed and that is the way his doctor is going to treat you. You are a victim of his abuse, you and your children but as they are still babies, obviously they won’t remember a thing so it’s ok.”

“This is all so weird to me and still so unreal at the same time. I don’t understand why he started again. Apparently there was no reason. I mean…we were fine, we were getting married, we had the babies…I think and think and then think again and I can’t see it.”

“Don’t dwell on that now. James will tell you with time.”

“Thanks for calling me Dee. I really appreciated it.”

“It’s ok dear. My duty as sister and sister in law. How are my babies doing?”

“They are great. Huge…” I said laughing.

“I miss them.”

“Hope you can see them soon. Speaking of the devil I see them moving in their bed.” I laughed.

“Oh, go for them then and don’t worry if James wants to sleep, it’s even better if he’s slightly passed out.”

“Ok, bye.” I said hanging up the phone. I peeked at their bed and their eyes were still closed, instead of lying in bed again I decided to take a shower and get dressed, coming back downstairs right after. I turned the TV on, again on mute and just then I heard Cullen beginning to whimper. Before he would test his lungs one more time I picked him up and kissed his cheek.

“Good afternoon my lord.” I baby talked to him. Cullen put both hands on my face and bit my chin. “Hey…” I said laughing. “You are one hell of a bad boy.” I said and he giggled. Cayla woke up right after and I took them both to the carpet while I heated their bottle. They loved to be there even thought they couldn’t do much more than sit, grab a few toys and wave them in their hands, but that was their way of playing. When I came back to them they recognized what I was holding in my hands and they smiled waving their arms, I had never seen two babies as happy as mine to see a bottle with milk in it. I put them in the stroller and I sat on the couch pulling the stroller near then I put the bottles in their little mouths and they sucked as if they haven’t ate for weeks.

“Breathe…” I ordered them laughing but they were too busy to even notice I was talking to them. When they were finished I left them in the stroller and went to check on James, seeing he was still sleeping I took the liberty to go for a walk with them. The sun was shining high and it was warm outside. I couldn’t stand to be locked inside the house for the second day in a row. I pushed the stroller to the porch and sat on the rocking chair closing my eyes as the sun hit my face. The silence, the noise of the river running and the trees as the light gusts of wind hit them was just perfect. Then Cayla little scream echoed and she remained still a bit scared but then screamed again, giggling at the funny sound.

“Having fun little girl?” I talked to her shaking her foot a bit to capture her attention. She frowned smiling. “Yeah…I can see that.” I stayed there until the sun disappeared but even then it was still warm and I was playing with them, letting them touch new things, like sand and tree leaves. I was the one picking up these stuff and putting it in their hands, I wanted to see how they’d react touching new things. Suddenly I heard the door opening and I raised my eyes off them to see James appearing. He was shaved, showered and dressed.

“Hi.” I said surprised.

“Hey…” He said walking up to us and sitting on the blanket I had put on the floor to play with the kids. His eyes were still swollen and he was still a bit weird. Cullen grabbed his shorts and James picked him up in his arms, kissing his cheek. Cayla, who was sat on the opposite side and far from her father began to whimper seeing she couldn’t reach him. I began to laugh seeing her struggle to get to James and James didn’t move teasing her. He threw his tongue out at her and she whimpered louder, then she threw herself forward and land with her hands on the floor, lying down on her belly, moving her legs she began to drag herself to him. “OH!” He exclaimed.

“Oh my god…” I said laughing. “I thought she was going to crawl or something but I know that is too soon.” When she reached him, James clapped but then Cayla was faced with another problem, she couldn’t sit back on her own and she began to cry. I sat her on James’s legs and she raised her head smiling at him.

“You did good girl.” He talked to her, then he bent and kissed her.

“How are you?” I asked him. He looked at me and smiled.

“Not great but I feel a bit better. I feel like I could sleep all day long but I forced myself out of the bed. I was hearing you here giggling with them.” He said. I rubbed his arm and he was warm.

“Aren’t you cold?” James shook his head.

“I guess my body’s temperature is back to normal. I feel a bit dizzy and my head is pounding. I don’t think I am capable of eating yet and I feel like I can’t breathe properly, guess it’s anxiety.” I nodded hearing him.

“Yeah, your sponsor said you’d suffer from that.” Cullen began to whimper on James’s lap and I grabbed him. Babies were like that, one minute they wanted one thing another they wanted something else. James got up with Cayla on his arms and suggested a walk until the river and then come back, with Cullen in my arms I agreed and we went for a little walk only it got dark and then we had to come back.

He began to talk more and become more smiley as time went by. I found him even laughing playing with the kids already in the living room while I cooked dinner for us. I made a salad and another soup, something light so his stomach wouldn’t complain much. After bathing the kids and put them to sleep, we could relax.

“Don’t you wanna go to bed?” I asked him sitting on the couch by his side.

“No.” He shook his head. He stretched his arm and turned the TV on, an old cowboys movie appeared on the screen and he pulled me to him. I snuggled against his chest and he ran his fingers through my hair and kissed the top of my head. “Two more days and we’re going to LA” He said.

“You think you’ll feel perfectly well until then?”

“I think so. I feel good now, so I think in two days I’ll be alright.” I turned around to look at him.

“You scared me so much.” I said, then I rested my forehead against his chest and his hand caressed the back of my neck. “It’s good to have you back, I was feeling a bit lonely.” With two fingers under my chin he made me look up at him.

“I will make it up to you when this is all over.” He said. The blue of his eyes were back and I smiled looking at them. I couldn’t let go of the fact that I found him perfect. “What?” He asked me seeing my mesmerized gaze.

“I would marry you again if you ask me.” I said shrugging. James laughed and caressed my cheek with the tip of his fingers.

“Even if you knew you had to go through all this?”

“Even then…” I said.

“Like I said before, you are brave Ade. Most women would run away and you stayed.”

“Most women don’t love you the way I do.” I argued.

“Well, who needs most women anyway when I have you.” He kissed the tip of my nose.

“You wanted to leave me…” I whispered and as I remembered it tears assaulted my eyes. He shook his head.

“No I didn‘t, I just didn’t want you to go through all this. It was just until I got cured then I was gonna try to win you back.”

“None of that was needed. We’re here and we’re together.” I kissed his lips and strayed but his hand pulled me to him for another kiss. His lips parted and our tongues entwined in a slow motion dance.
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

Poor Ade, she has had to deal with so much... two babies and a sick husband, I hope her sorrows end soon, at least James seems to be making progress. Together with the babies they are so cute. :3
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
Two days later and with James feeling better we left the cabin. Each one of us driving our own car as we went there separated. We’ve chosen the time when the babies were having their nap so they wouldn’t sulk bored to death stuck in their chair. I was up at the front because if I needed to stop he’d follow me. We made our way straight, with no stops, until we got to our house. I took the babies inside and James took all the stuff off both trunks inside, taking it all to our bedroom. We would stay in there for that night and next morning we would leave to LA.

Once I put the babies in their park to play safely I joined him in our room where he was sat on the bed looking around with his eyes glittering a bit. He was looking around in a awe as if he hadn’t been there for a long time, only it had been only a week but inside him it was different, last time he had been in our room it was to pack his things and he was not coming back, I realized it must have been a hard decision for him.

“Hey..” He said when I walked up to him, pulling me to his lap. I pecked him and ran a hand through his hair.

“It’s our house and nothing has changed since you last have been here.” I told him.

“I know but when I was here last week I was packing and I didn’t think I would come back here so soon.”

“How long did you take to make that decision?” I asked him out of curiosity. I remembered that after he left the studio it took me still at least 20 minutes to leave too and then it took me almost two hours to pick up the kids and then come back home.

“I don’t know. I came here straight once I left the studio. In my way here I thought about all the things you’ve told me in the kitchen and I realized how much I was hurting you and I thought I had to do something, it occurred me that leaving you alone was the best thing to do, I sat here for about an hour or more thinking about it and then I just packed and left.”

“So when I got home you were just gone. If I had been home sooner I would have catch you here.” I told him. James shrugged.

“I don’t know.”

“I came home right after but I had to pick up the kids first so it took me longer, then we caught a lot of traffic too…so when I got here you were already on your way up there but not for long. I don’t want to talk about that…” I sighed.

“I didn’t do it because I really wanted to leave you Ade.” He said forcing me to look in his eyes. “It took me long to take that decision and even when I did, it was not easy.”

“I know.” I kissed him. Then I felt sad, even though I knew that it was not what he really wanted, it hurt me he still did it anyway. James acknowledged my sad feeling and kissed my cheek.

“Please, don’t look at me like that.” He whispered.

“It hurts when I remember your call. When I remember my shock when I opened the doors of our closet and your clothes weren’t there, you saying you weren’t coming back…it hurts…” I explained. He held me tight and with strength.

“I am so sorry love.” He said. I sighed again and kissed his cheek.

“It’s ok.” I said straying and kissing his lips before I got up. “We have stuff to do.” I clapped instigating him to help me. We began to unpack the clothes that were supposed to go to the laundry and put some other into our bags, then we did the same with the kids’ bags. We took everything to the door so next morning we just have to put it all back into the car and leave.

“We should go to Katy’s and see how Disco is doing.” I suggested. He nodded and ran upstairs.

“Let me just have a shower and change.” He shouted. I peeked the kids to find them both asleep in the park surrounded by their toys. I smiled watching them. I put them both on their stroller and arranged their bags to take with us, then I decided to have a shower too and change. James was already getting dressed when I walked inside our room.

“I am going for a quick shower.” I said running to the bathroom. I did it so fast that I didn’t have time to hear what he said. The door opened again as I was getting my clothes undone when he got in. “What?” I said getting my jeans off my feet.

“I…” He said, but he forgot all about it once I got rid of my black lace panties. He gave me a malicious smile. “I forgot what I was going to tell you.” He confessed pulling my naked body to him. I tapped on his shoulder laughing.

“Get your paws off me, Katy is waiting for us, I already called her.” I laughed but he ignore my words and sucked on my neck leaning me against the basin, his hands roamed to my naked breasts and squeezed them a bit. “James…” I called him trying to pull him away but when he was determined nothing could make him stop and truth be told my body was beginning to subside to his caresses. His lips searched for mine and I found my hand unwittingly pulling him closer to me, I was giving in bit by bit, when he broke up the kiss, he smiled victorious against them.

“I hate you.” I whispered.

“Yeah..” He whispered back capturing my lips again. I tugged my hands under his shirt and pulled it up, James broke the kiss and strayed so I could pull it off his head. I threw it on the floor and roamed my hands over his skin. I loved to touch him all over and it had been a few days since we last had sex. He had been up and down with abstinence so things weren’t easy and sex was on the back of our minds but now…now, he was coping with it and it was quite easy to set our craving bodies on fire. He bent over me and kissed both my nipples taking time to tease them with his tongue, then he made his way up biting my chin before kissing my lips again. My hands began to unbuckle him and he sat me on the basin.

“Oh God…hurry up…” He gasped as I undid his jeans. When I pulled him free, he bent over me pulling me to him with his strong hands. Taking a hand to the middle of us he helped his erection to find me.

“Ooh…” I moaned as he entered me, but our delightful moment was bound to be interrupted by Cayla’s hysterical cry.

“You have got to be kidding me.” James muttered quietly and still inside of me. I swallowed a laugh and looked in his eyes but when our gaze met we couldn’t resist to laugh. Cayla shouted even louder and I rolled my eyes, James withdrew from me and pulled his jeans up. His bulge huge. “I don’t believe this.” He said a bit to himself and I could hear the frustration in his tone.

“Hey…” I told him grabbing his hand. “She’s just a baby.” I smiled and he smiled back at me.

“I know.” He kissed me. “Have your shower, I am going to get her.” He said walking up to the door but before he took his hand to his bulge and adjusted his still erection better. “Fuck…it’s hurting.” He complained.

“Maybe she sleeps.” I told him opening the water.

“Right.” He said closing the door. Of course Cayla didn’t go back to sleep, when I came downstairs ready to leave James was playing with her on the couch. She loved when he grabbed her high with his hands and that’s what he was doing.

“I’m ready.” I said. He looked at me and got up putting Cayla back on the stroller. She complained whimpering and waving her arms at James.

“Time to leave.” He told her to distract her but Cayla was stubborn just like him and insisted. “Yeah…it feels bad doesn’t it when something you want is taken from you?” He smiled at her. “Daddy was having fun and you had to ruin it, payback is a bitch.” He still smiled. I smacked his chest laughing.

“Don’t tell her these things.” I said.

“Why not? Am I lying?” He laughed. “My balls are still hurting.” He complained making me laugh even more. “Fuck…I was just looking too forward for it.” I smacked him again.

“Stop it. Your kids are right in front of you.”

“They don’t understand yet.”

“Still…” I said beginning to push the stroller outside.

“Will you take care of this later?” He teased me as we put the babies on their chairs inside the car.

“If you behave.” I teased back. We drove to Katy’s with two cranky babies on the backseat. They’d cry every 5 seconds and we made everything we could to calm them down. That was why we tried to make longer trips while they were sleeping because holding them still for more than 5 minutes was almost impossible. We sang, we talked to them, we made them funny faces, we did everything we could to keep our kids happy and satisfied.

“A tiny fish I'd like to be, I would. The great big oceans I would see, I would. I'd wiggle my fins and flap my tail, I'd go as fast as any sail, I'd see the wide world without fail, I would.” He sang. The babies stopped crying and began to listen to him. I looked at him surprised and he opened his eyes at me to continue.

“I'd visit all the tropical fish, I would. I'd share with them my every wish, I would. I'd ride the whale, play with the eel, And yet, alas! I'm sure I'd feel, I'd make for some big fish a meal. I would.” I sang with him. The babies calmed down as they heard our voices. There he was, the singer of the biggest heavy metal band in the world singing kid’s songs to his babies.

“See, they’re calm.” He said.

“One would never believe all the things we do to keep them quiet.” I laughed.

“Parenthood…” He exclaimed.

When we arrived to Katy’s Disco came running to us, franticly wagging his tail. We both tapped him and paid him some attention before she took us in to her living room. I found Katy a little nervous but at the same time she had a different glow on her face.

“What happened?” I asked her sitting right in front of her. Phil was playing with the kids and James sat by my side. Katy smiled at me, no she grinned and I knew she had something good to tell me. “Come on…” I clapped.

“I’m pregnant.” She said giggling. My eyes opened wide and I jumped to hug her.

“Congratulations man.” James said tapping on Phil’s back.

“Were you counting on it?” I asked her I sat back and James held my hand. I saw Katy’s eyes on our hands and she smiled at me letting me know she was happy to see us that close again.

“Yes. We had been trying for a couple of months and now…” She sighed, I could see all happiness written on her face.

“Well, just make sure you have the best of your time until the baby is born, then…it’s all about them.” James teased them.

“Stop that.” I said laughing looking at him and he winked. “You’re gonna scare them.”

“Ok…” He said with a grin looking at both of them as Phil sat by Katy’s side. “It’s wonderful to have kids, you guys are gonna love it.” He said and then looked at me as if he needed my approval. I nodded.

“There.” I said and then I kissed his lips.

“It has some inconvenient too.” He blurted and I pretended I’d punch his chest laughing.

“At least you’re in good mood James.” Katy told him. “I like to see you that way.”

“I am alright and I will be fine.”

“Good.” She said. All of a sudden I felt James intimidated, Katy had that power.

We stayed with her for some part of the afternoon and then we went to visit James’s children. We stayed with them until late and had dinner with them. The kids wanted to come with us to LA and couldn’t understand why they couldn’t, I guess they thought we were going there on holidays or something, only it wasn’t the case. In the end they understood but we had to promise them we would come back there with them. When we got home, Cayla and Cullen were fast asleep, we just changed them to their pajamas and put them in their bed, then it was our turn to go to bed. James barely waited for me to close the door of our room to grab me and steal a hot kiss from me.

“Can’t you even wait?” I smiled when he strayed to breathe but I didn’t get an answer, instead his hands pulled my top off my head and then he pushed me to the bed. “Oh baby…” I giggled at his roughness.

“They better not dare to interrupt us now.” He giggled against my cleavage and then panted small kisses on it, while pulling the straps of my bra down. He kissed my shoulder freeing my breasts at the same time. His warm hands caressed them hardening my nipples as he touched me. “I am so fucking horny.” He confessed in my ear giving it a small bite. One of his hands grabbed mine and he took it to his crotch so I could touch him. I unzipped his jeans and slid my hand inside touching him.

“Yes…” He whispered as I grabbed him in my hand. His hips moved against my hand as he kissed my lips again. I stopped stroking him to pull his jeans down with both my hands but I couldn’t have done it without his help, he got up and pulled it all off standing naked in front of my eyes. I felt my body trembling as a reaction. Then he just pulled my own jeans off my legs and threw it randomly on the floor. “Naked…” He smiled at me looking straight in my eyes. He kneeled on the bed in front of my legs and took his hands to my knees pulling them apart, then he placed himself in the middle.

I closed my eyes anticipating his next move, I felt him rubbing against my moist and sensitive skin, he leaned on his elbows bringing his weight over me and my hand clutched onto his butt pulling him down at me. “Oh fuck…Ade…” He gasped as he made half way in. My hips responded immediately raising up a bit and soon his length made all the way in making me shudder.

“Hummm….” I moaned arching my back. James stopped when he tilted the end and kissed my lips, then he began to thrust, moving in and out of me teasingly good. Every thrust brought a new sensation to my body and the more he did it the more I’d carve my nails on him, the more I gasped and moan. “Oh James…” I moaned as I felt my body heat.

“Ade…” He gasped as his own body shuddered lost in pleasure. “I can’t take no more.” He said against my lips while kissing me quickly. I knew he wanted to vent so I kissed him back showing him I was ready for that. His thrusts became faster and rougher, I felt my pleasure building up inside of me as he pounded.

“Oh shit…” I groaned as my pleasure intensified. “Yes…” I gasped and then my whole body quivered under his. He was too taken away and kept on urging for his own orgasm, subsiding to it a couple of seconds later, crying out my name. After calming down he quietly bent over me and kissed my lips, rolling on his side after but taking me with him. His arms surrounded me quietly as we caught our breaths. He winced a bit.

“What is it?” I asked him.

“It’s hurting. Jesus…I guess I had too much stuff kept in there.” He laughed.

“Aww…my poor baby.” I kissed him.

“Ready for tomorrow?” He asked playing with a strand of my hair.

“Yes. I am. Whatever is on our way, I am ready for it.” James smiled at me and pecked me.

“Let’s get some sleep then.” He stretched his arm and turned the light off. I cuddle myself with him preparing to close my eyes.

“Sleep well.” I said kissing his chest.

“You too.” He kissed the top of my head.

“Still hurting?” I asked in the dark as I felt him moving uncomfortably.

“Yes. But don’t worry sometimes it happens.” He tried to rest me. I giggled. “Don’t you dare to laugh.” He said but I could tell he was smiling.

“It’s just funny, that’s all.”

“Believe me, it’s not.” He laughed loud and then whimpered a bit beginning to laugh again.
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

That was hot :drool and funny! XD poor James. And now Phil and Katy are expecting... :3 I understand his kids being afraid and unable to understand why they leave to L.A. But I hope he can find there the help he needs.
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
We left early in the morning, right after the babies’ first bottle. They were still awake when we began our drive, as this one was longer. It would take us about 4 hours to get there and it would be easier to fly but the twins were still too young to go on a plane. Much to our surprise they were rather happy and not sulking, they were smiley and playing with their feet along the way, I guess the pacifier also helped.

“Glad they are not crying or anything.” James said holding the steer wheel with one hand and turning the radio on and adjusting the sound to babies ears.

“They will sleep in a bit.” I said. He grabbed my hand and kissed the tip of my fingers.

“Happy you’re going to your house?” He asked.

“In some way yes but my house is the one I have in San Francisco now. That’s where I live with my family.”

“I know but I know how much you love it down there.”

“Well, I miss it, I can’t deny it. I love the house, that’s why I never sold it.” I explained.

“I called my sponsor when you were getting the kids ready.” He told me. I looked at him expecting him to continue. “I told him we were going to LA today and he wanted me to visit him as soon as I got there but I told him that we could have the rest of the day for us and have a rest and then tomorrow we would go.”

“If you want to go there today, I am ok with that.” James shook his head.

“No Ade. When we get there it’s gonna be past half of the afternoon. We get home, we go to the beach with the babies, have fun, relax, maybe go out for dinner if we feel like it and if the babies are in good mood to let us go…” He laughed. “Then tomorrow we will go.”

“Ok babe. It’s your call.” I said agreeing to whatever he wanted to do, this was his thing and he had to do it at his own pace. I trusted him now, I had seen him trying hard to get things better, I had seen him hallucinating in pain, I had to trust him.

We stopped with half of the way made to have lunch. I asked the waitress to heat the twins’ soup and we gave it to them while we were waiting for our food. It was faster when James could help me. I saw a couple of people watching us curious, I guess some people never get used to the fact that out of his rockstar world James has a family and is a regular guy, just like any other husband and any other father, he’s loving and caring with his children, he plays and takes care of them when he has to. Most people forget that to us he is far from being Metallica’s front man, to us he meant much more, he meant love and affection.

After lunch we continued our journey. Cayla and Cullen sucked franticly on their pacifier and played with a diaper until they fell asleep and finally 2 hours later the brown gate of my house opened and we parked the car. When I got out of it and felt the scent of the sea, I opened a huge smile.

“What?” James protested seeing my smile. “We also have a beach near our house!”

“But the smell is different. “ I said inhaling. “I was born here, I grew up here. This land is filled with my life, or part of it…” I said as my eyes hit him and them I peeked at my babies still, incredibly, sleeping inside the car.

“Ah…I thought we didn’t matter…” He said pretending he was pouting making me laugh. “Really, you have been living up there for almost two years and you still miss LA so much, I wish I could feel about your homeland as you do but I just can’t.”

“I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I didn’t have a choice but to stay here, I was alone in the world, I sure wasn’t going anywhere. Last thing they could take from me was what was left of my world and that was my city, the things I knew.”

“I understand. Let’s go inside?” He suggested and I nodded. We took the babies off the car and carried them inside. I began to open the windows to let the house breathe a bit while James began to bring our suitcases inside. He knew the house well, we had been there many times so he took our stuff upstairs to the room. Just like the cabin the up floor was an open space, only my room was just huge.

“Ade do you want me to open their bed already?” He shouted from upstairs.

“Yes please. Find a nice spot for it.” I shouted back. Unlike the cabin, my room had enough space to put the twins’ bed. They were sleeping on the stroller and I opened the large window that led me to my deck. I put the lounge chairs and the table outside and I immediately laid on one. I remembered in five seconds, when I was single and still live in there all alone, how I used to love to be there alone and read a book or sometimes just lying there and do nothing at all. Then I looked at my babies sleeping peacefully by my side and smiled, yes I missed all that but not enough to wish I could turn back time to where they didn’t exist, to where their father wasn’t still part of my life. What I had now was so much bigger and more important. Then another thought occurred to my mind, the last times I had been lying there I was already in love with their father and struggling with my feelings. I remembered the time I was there wondering why I was missing him so much during a week we had off tour and then how I struggled weather I should call him or not and then I ended up calling him, and James was just trying to win me, I smiled at these memories…

“Smiling all alone?” His soft tone voice made me open my eyes and he laid on the chair by my side, pulling his shirt off.

“Just silly stuff.” I said.

“Wanna tell me?” He insisted.

“Yeah…I was just remembering how I loved my solitude and come here and lay catching a bit of sun and then I saw our kids and it crossed my mind that as much as I loved my solitude I love you three much more and then solitude doesn’t make much sense. I can’t imagine my life now without any of you in it and finally I also remembered that one of the last times I laid on this spot all alone in this house was that time we had a week off tour and you were asking me out and stuff and I was trying to figure out why I missed you so much. That’s why I was smiling…” I smiled again and James did too. I guess he took a trip back in time as well as his eyes all of a sudden turned to our babies and then back at me again and his face was one of a overwhelmed person.

“And look at us now…married… two kids.” He said.

“But I love what I have with you, we‘ve built a life together and I never thought I was capable of doing that. Having a family...” I told him.

“You were afraid so you blocked a lot of feelings.”

“And you unblocked them.” I giggled. James rolled his eyes and puffed.

“Yeah…” He puffed again. “But you were tough…it was not an easy task.”

“I was so confused James.” I laughed. “First we met in damn London and I never thought I’d see you again.” I said. James laughed loud remembering London.

“London…” He said. “Oh fuck…” He laughed loud making me laugh too.

“Yeah…and I never expected to see you again and then that meeting happened and when I saw you…” James interrupted me clearly enjoying our moment.

“Oh Ade…that meeting was a riot…” He laughed. “I really didn’t want you to go on tour with us but then you provoked me and I ended up making you go. I was afraid of being near you.”

“Afraid of not resisting me?” I teased him. He laid on his side looking at me and his face became tender.

“Clearly I didn’t resist, did I?” I bent over him and kissed his lips.

“I was also afraid of being near you but I guess you knew that all the time, you used that fear so many times.”

“I wanted you so much all the time.” He confessed. “I was scared of the things you made me feel so I tried to piss you off so you could piss me off and I could keep you away.” His explanation made me hoot with laughter.

“Hetfield’s philosophy.” I joked. “Oh, sweetie, you are amazing.” I let out as my laugh subsided.

“No really but then that didn’t work because I kept on wanting you more and more so then I decided to apologize and ask you out, the rest you know…”

“You were in love with me already.” I acknowledged.

“All the time. I couldn’t go against that, your head says no but then your heart says yes and you were there every day so there was not a way I could ignore it and I am glad I didn’t ignore it because after all you were in love with me too, you just didn’t know how to deal with that.”

“You’re so vain!” I tapped him. He grabbed my hand laughing preventing me to tap him again.

“You were Ade, I could see that, you just didn’t know how to deal with that.”

“Probably you are right. It doesn’t matter now, it’s been two years since then.”

“I am right.” He grinned making me laugh.

“Bring the stroller closer to the shadow, the sun is getting low.” I asked him seeing the babies were catching a few rays of light.

“They are sleeping a lot.” He commented.

“I guess they are tired.” I said watching my kids. They were so perfect. Looking at them made me realize they were the most perfect thing I have ever done in my life. The sooner James speak the sooner they’d wake up. Cullen began to blink his eyes not being able to keep them open as he was trying to get used to the day light. We laughed watching him.

“Hey buddy…” James said shaking his little foot. “Open your eyes come on.” He laughed more and Cullen took his little hands to his eyes rubbing them, then he didn’t resist to take Cullen off the stroller. He kissed our boy before leaning him against his chest and finally he opened his eyes, shooting James his cute baby smile, James smiled back and kissed him again. “Nice nap, uh?” He baby talked, as usual Cullen grabbed his nose.

“Dah.” Cullen blurted.

“Yes, Dada…” James told him. “Say dada.” He insisted making me giggle.

“Sweetie they are too young for that yet.” I said.

“I know! But the sooner I teach them the better they become familiar with the word. Cullen looked at me and smiled.

“Hi baby.” I told him stretching him out my hand and Cullen grabbed one of my fingers. Cullen looked up at James.

“Where’s mommy Cullen?” James asked him. Cullen looked at him attentively and James insisted. “Where’s mommy Cullen?” Cullen then turned his face at me making us laugh. “He knows already.” James said enthusiastic.

“I guess it was a coincidence.” I said but it sure was a wonderful feeling seeing my boy reacting that way to his mother, I guess I had for the first time the feeling that he actually knew who his mother was. “Where’s daddy baby?” I asked him to test him, Cullen looked up at James and there we were sure that he could already identify us as his mom and dad. “Oh my God…” I said. James kissed him again proud too.

“Wanna go out for dinner Ade?” He asked me after.

“Do you?”

“Yeah…let’s go out a bit.”

“Ok.” I am going to take a shower then and change. Will you look after them.”

“Do I have a choice?” He laughed. I smiled and turned my back on him but he called me. “Ade… put on something nice.” I nodded getting his message, somehow James wanted to go somewhere fancy.

I put on a black strapless dress and black high heels sandals. My makeup was natural and I ended with some drops of perfume. I put on my diamond earrings and necklace and I was ready.

“I am ready.” I said coming back downstairs. James whistled getting up from the couch and kissing me.

“Babe…Wow!” He exclaimed.

“You said to put on something nice.” I winked. “Now go get dressed yourself and I’ll get the babies ready.” While I changed the twins’ and got them dressed, James took a shower and changed. He met me in the living room dressed in black, well dressed, smelling incredibly good and his hair fixed with gel.

“Not looking bad yourself.” I said playful and kissing him.

“I know you and that way of kissing me.” He teased me resting his hand on my ass and squeezing it a bit making me yelp. “We better stop this if we want to eat.” He said pecking me.

We grabbed the babies and took them to the car and then I let James drive, after all he knew the city as much as I did. I realized, after leaving the sunset boulevard that he was driving us to Beverly Hills, nothing fancier existed in LA. He parked in front of Danube, one of the most elegant restaurants around town and gave the keys of our car to the door man. I imagined the place would have paparazzi somewhere but I guess that night James really wanted to be the rockstar out with his family but still he asked for a table in a quiet area. Again the babies sucked their bottle while we were waiting for our Steaks au Poivre but there, there were not much eyes on us because it was not the place most people could afford to go.

“We didn’t have to be here.” I told him.

“Why not? Sometimes we have to do something different.” He said.

“Well…yeah…” I agreed.

We had a wonderful night. The twins were quiet and we could sit and eat and talk peacefully. My husband was coming back to me bit by bit and I was loving spending time with him again. I found out I was falling in love with him all over again. I loved the way how my heart raced when he smiled or how he gave me the goose bumps when he held my hand, after touching and pecks here and there I just wanted to be alone with him, plus the babies fell asleep in the stroller and my heart ached seeing my children sleeping there.

“Let’s go home.” I said pointing at them and then I winked at him.

“Yeah…they are sleeping already it’s past midnight, what kind of parents are we?” He said caressing them. James asked for the bill and then we left. The doorman brought our car and we left home. James took the longest way though, we took the road by the sea and since the babies were comfortable inside the car, he stopped by a cliff where we could see the beach and some part of the town. James grabbed me from behind and kissed my shoulder.

“I am loving being away from everything and just being with you.” He said. “Despite the reasons that is…”

“I confess I am too. Sometimes it is good to have you just to myself. You haven’t said you loved me yet.” I told him. He took his hands to my shoulders and turned me around to him smiling. He brought his face closer to mine and whispered.

“I love you.” I took a hand to his face and rested it there.

“And I love you.” I kissed his lips. His hands pulled me closer to him and he pressed his lips against mine firmly, mine parted and his tongue invaded my mouth searching for mine. I wrapped my arms around is neck enjoying the moment and then pulled away gently. “Take me home.” I whispered in his ear.

“Why?” He asked playing.

“Because I want to make love to you and I can’t do it here.” I said resting my forehead against his. James pecked me and grabbed my hand walking back to the car.
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Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
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I'm really glad that they're being intimate again! Hopefully it's a sign (somehow!) that James is on the road to recovery, though he still needs to meet with his sponsor. I'm anxious to see how that goes. The nice, expensive dinner out was a nice touch! I think it allowed James and Ade to go out and enjoy each other's company, their family, and really just bond and forget about James' problem; even if just for the evening. Particularly, I enjoy how you describe the mundane things, like setting up the twins' crib and packing them into the car. It gives it a sense of realness. I also just like to imagine James as the doting father, because it's adorable! :biggrin
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

They are such a lovely couple. Things are looking much better for them. Now let's see how the change of scenery and the talk with the sponsor goes. They already seem healthier. :horns2
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
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We laid our kids in bed and James began to get undressed, sliding in the sheets after putting his clothes on the chair. I took another look at the babies to cover them and when I turned to look at James again he had his boxers hanged on his index finger and was smiling at me. “I am waiting for you.” He shot. My body shook a bit as I realized he was naked under the covers but I pretended to be relaxed and walked to the bathroom at a regular pace. I came back after taking my makeup off and brushing my teeth. James was laid on his back waiting and smiled when he saw me. I stood at the edge of the bed taking my clothes slowly off.

I saw him adjusting his pillow under his head and put his hands on the back of it while his eyes sparkled waiting for me to give him the show. Playfully I shook my hips a bit as if I was dancing, he bit his lower lip showing me my sensual moves were pleasuring him. I opened the zipper of my dress bouncing my hips from one side to another and then I let it fall down my feet standing just in my red lace see-through lingerie. That was a surprise to him as it was new, I saw his eyes double size and something growing under the sheets immediately. I winked him an eye and turned around so he could fully acknowledge my thong, still bouncing my hips sexily I took my hands to my bra and unclasped it, looking at him above my shoulder, I winked at him and then turned around again so his eyes could delight with the sight of my breasts. His expression was not one of a relaxed person anymore. His eyes were darker, his lips a bit swollen and slightly parted. His chest was coming up and down as he gasped and then I realized his hand under the sheets, that turned me on onto another level.

“Naughty boy, what are you doing under the sheets?” I asked him smiling. He took his hand back and smiled at me.

“Enjoying your show.” He answered with a husky voice and not a trace of shame. I liked that we were so opened.

“Leave something for me!” I exclaimed making him release a soft laughter. I turned around again and bent parting my legs a bit, offering a privileged view of my butt but I always kept looking at him. I ran a hand over it teasing him and I saw him rolling his eyes, then I touched myself over the fabric of my thong and moaned a bit to stir things even more. James jumped on bed and crawled until he reached me.

“Are you trying to kill me?” He whispered and running his tongue in one of my buttocks right after. “You will moan alright…” He said kissing my back as he stood on his knees on the bed. His hands turned me around to him and I tugged my hands in his hair as he kissed the bare skin of my stomach. Then he tugged his thumbs on the waist of my thong and pulled them down, looking up at my eyes at the same time and smiling. I took it off my feet and then yelped as his fingers met me, I wasn’t counting on it.

“Hummm…” I moaned enjoying the sensations he was sending to my body. I felt my legs getting a bit week, my belly getting a bit numb as his fingers worked expertly on me. “Oh…James…” I whimpered as more and more pleasure was taking care of me. James brought his lips to my skin never letting his fingers slip away from me. I found myself bucking onto his hand as he was taking me high. “Oh…right there.” I gasped, I was lost and desperate to come.

“Here?” He played with me, I felt his lips smiling against my skin, he loved to get me that wasted in pleasure

“Yes…” I was able to hiss. “Oh yes…” I said again as I build up more and more. I was able to open my eyes and look down at him. He was working on himself with his other hand, I think it was the first time I was seeing that live and color and I never thought that would turn me on that much. “Oh baby that is so hot.” I told him.

“So you like to watch uh?” He gasped but I couldn’t answer that as I felt my legs really weak and my body exploded into ultimate pleasure. I shook a couple of times until I was able to calm down and when I did he took both hands to my waist and pulled me down on top of him as he laid back on bed sharing the first kiss since our love game began. I was still too high from the recent orgasm so he waited a bit, spending time kissing me as if we were beginning all over again. His fingers lingered on my hair, grabbing strands of it and then letting slip between his fingers, his lips tasting me countless times until finally his hands traveled onto my hips and I felt him pulling me down on him, I adjusted around him inch by inch and the pleasure was just insane.

“Oh yeah…Ade…” He breathed as I sat on him. “Ride me slow.” He asked. Our fingers entwined in a sweet gesture and I began to rock my hips slowly as he asked. He closed his eyes and inhaled hard as I began. “Yes…like that.” He told me letting me know how he wanted it. My body was there for him and I obeyed delightfully and rocked him slow and easy. “So good…” He kept saying. “You always feel so good babe.” He told me. Then he took his hands to my back and pulled me down to him, kissing my lips and he took charge thrusting into me from underneath but not fast or rough, he kept the slow pace driving me wild.

“God…what’s up with you today.” I said in between moans.

“Is it good?” He asked grabbing my hair onto his hands so he could see my face perfectly.

“So fucking good. Oh James…” I talked and moaned at the same time. He raised his head a bit and kissed my lips. Our mouths united into a lustful kiss and James stopped thrusting, I knew he was taking his time not to come yet and then he withdrew never stopping kissing me, then he came back inside of me again but he rolled me over on bed positioning himself on top of me. He grabbed my hands with his above my head and moved in and out. I was close again and so was he. His body was tenser and tenser and he was losing control of his reactions. His thrusts became a bit faster and more uncontrolled.

“Oh fuck…” He gasped against my lips as he thrust faster and faster rushing for his own orgasm. Sweat drops formed on his temples and his face was flushed, I took my hand to clean his sweat and he smiled, pecking me. “I love you so much.” He was still able to say. “Come Ade…” He said pounding hard onto me. I arched my body responding to what he was doing.

“Fuck…” I said dragging the word out loud as I felt my body hit the peak for the second time. “Yes…” I almost shouted not controlling my tone anymore, my vision blurred and my sanity was momentarily gone as he rode my own orgasm the way he wanted, making me moan and whimper and groan all the same time completely lost under his hands, then he just let lose senseless, getting on his knees again and pulling my hips onto him almost violently. He pounded as if he was fighting for his own life, I watched him doing it, his eyes closed, his lips opened and sexy “O’s” coming out of them, he flushed even more, the veins on his neck swollen with the flush, the grip of his fingers getting tighter on my hips.

“I’m gonna come.” He finally blurted clenching his jaw and his body jerked, his lips opened even more as he moaned enjoying his moment. “Oh Ade…” He said as his thrusts were calming down and as he dried himself until the last drop. “Fuck..” He finally said when he stopped and opened his eyes to look at me. His chest coming up and down as he gasped for air, then he opened a huge smile making me smile back at him.

“I fucked you good.” He said smiling even more, his cute boyish smile making melt.

“You are so vain.” I laughed. He withdrew from me and pecked me laughing too, then he laid on his side of the bed. We stayed in silence for a while just resting our bodies, then I brought my lips to his ear and whispered. “You fucked me good.”

“Give me five minutes more and I can do this again.” He said.

“I bet you can but we better get some sleep because our little monsters want to eat soon in the morning.” James kissed my lips with time and then stretched his arm to turn the light off. “Sleep well sweetie.” I told him.

“You too my love.” He said resting an arm around my waist and curling his body with mine.

We fell asleep, James even faster than I did. Soon I heard him breathing heavily and his warm breath against my neck and then when I was about to fall asleep his softly snored on my ear. I giggled and elbowed him to stop, he stopped for a couple of seconds and then began again, I elbowed him second time and he rolled to the other side. Around 4 am my girl began to cry causing me to open my eyes almost scared as my sleep was abruptly interrupted. I rubbed my eyes in the darkness and walked up to their bed.

“Shuuuu…” I whispered grabbing her pacifier and putting it in her mouth but she didn’t want it and cried again so I picked her up in my arms and rocked her for a bit. “What is it babe?” I whispered getting her out of the room as James began to stir in his sleep. I felt her a little hot when I kissed her forehead. “You’re feverish Cayla.” I said sitting on the couch, downstairs at the living room. I checked her temperature and it was nothing to worry about, it was not too high. I sat her on my knees and grabbed her hands, she was just cranky and whimpering all the time. She didn’t want anything…she wanted to be left alone. She stopped crying for a few seconds and then began again. I tried to distract her with a toy and she took it to her mouth right away. “Aahh…damn teeth isn’t it sweetie?” I kissed her forehead. “Is it a new one?” I asked her. “Show it to mommy.” I took the toy away and she cried again but when she opened her mouth I could see a white spot on her gum. I put my finger in it and rubbed it Cayla stayed still so I was sure it was the tooth bothering her. Cullen was alright with that new process but Cayla was always feverish and cranky, teeth were a problem to her as it is to almost every baby.

“What’s the matter with her?” James asked from the stairs. I looked at Cayla, who was frowning and whimpering and talked to her.

“You woke up daddy.” I told her. James approached us and sat by my side, the little girl stretched her arms at him and he took her.

“What’s wrong with you princess?” He kissed her.

“She’s a little feverish.” I said.

“Do you think it is better to take her to the hospital?” Since Cullen had been that ill in the hospital that the little thing and James panicked.

“No. It’s a new tooth.” I explained. James looked her and smiled more relaxed as he knew Cayla would react that way. Then she whimpered again and wanted to come back to my lap and she’d been like that, switching laps for over an hour until we were finally able to put her back to sleep again. We came back to our room and put her in bed just to wake up some time later again with Cayla crying. James pulled the covers away.

“I go.” He told me. “Hey…how about trying to calm down and let mom and dad sleep.” He talked to her. James turned the light on the nightstand on and I felt his weight on the bed again.

“I am going to bring the gel the doctor gave me. It’s better, she’s getting really impatient.” James held her close against his chest nodding at me and I came back downstairs looking for the gel still in one of the suitcases we brought. When I found it I came back to find Cayla calm leaning against her father’s chest and James already sleeping holding her.

“You put your father to sleep.” I whispered at her and taking her away from his arms. Cayla stayed still while I rubbed the gel on her gum and soon she fell asleep in the middle of us. Until the morning we were in between sleep and Cayla’s crying, she was absolutely cranky the rest of the night and the entire morning. James occupied himself of her while I took care of Cullen and our lunch then it was time to meet his sponsor.

Dr. Callahan took us to his office just as we got there. I felt James tense and nervous, I think he was even stuttering a bit and choking as he greeted the doctor. He held my hand when we got in and he was cold and even sweaty. I squeezed his hand slightly supporting him and then we sat on a comfortable couch as he instructed us and I left the twins sleeping in the stroller by James’s side.

“Can I call you Adriana?” The doctor asked me after James’s introduction.

“Of course.” I agreed.

“So, Adriana, how do you feel?” He asked. I was surprised by his question and more because he was addressing to me first instead of addressing to James and there I felt a bit apprehensive. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to open up to a total stranger. I looked at James wondering what he had told his sponsor about me during their conversations on the phone, James strayed his gaze and put his eyes on the floor like leaving me alone. I looked back at the doctor and thought again about what to tell.

“How do I feel about what?” I asked him.

“About this situation, about everything that happened.”

I shrugged clueless. I had a lot of things to say but then I didn’t want to hurt James as I knew most of the things I’d say would probably do that. “I feel a bit lost.” I began. “I can’t understand why he did it.” James looked at me there and I locked my eyes in his and I spoke, as if I was talking to him instead. “I think and think about it to exhaustion and I can’t see a reason. I don’t understand why.” I felt tears in my eyes and I realized how I needed a reason for all that. I became silent and looked back at the doctor who nodded at me satisfied.

“James…” He turned to him. James ran a hand through his hair and puffed.

“You want me to explain.” He said.

“Yes, please.” I said not holding my tears anymore. I understood the doctor’s work of that day was to make us talk about it to each other. I acknowledge that even if we went through that together it was a fact that we never talked about why, I never asked him and he never said it. James stayed still and silent for quite some time, I began to realize that the reasons were something hard for him to talk about. His eyes gazed on the floor and he was bouncing a leg up and down nervously.

“James, I think your wife is waiting for an explanation. Is it hard fro you to talk about it? Do you even know the reasons?” The doctor asked him trying to get him to talk. James laid his gaze on the stroller and my heart sunk in an ocean of disappointment.

“The babies?” I asked him. He looked at me with his eyes filled with tears and mine rolled down my face. “I don’t understand…” I sobbed a bit. James closed his eyes pressing his fingers on them but his tears fell down anyway. “You didn’t want them…” I whispered trying to make him talk. I needed to hear from him desperately. “Tell me this isn’t true…” I sobbed a bit. “James…” I insisted.

“James?” The doctor insisted. I saw him clenching his fists and he got up quickly.

“I don’t want to talk about this.” He said. I got up too and walked up to him forgetting I was in the doctor’s office. I grabbed him by his collar to make him look at me but he still turned his face away. James grabbed my hands and took them away from him.

“I wasn’t counting on them, none of us was.” He said. I looked at him shocked trying to process it all in my mind. I knew he loved them, he was loving and caring with them, he played with them but still I was fighting the urge of grabbing them and get out of there. He motioned a hand to shut me up seeing I was going to talk. I closed my mouth waiting for him to continue. “I love them.” He said and somehow his words made me a little bit less disappointed. I sat back on the couch with a open mind ready to hear him. He sat by my side and grabbed my hand. “I just think I wasn’t ready…”
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

First... :drool The beginning was delicious! :drool

The session... pft! I bet she never saw coming that explanation, but now it makes all the sense in the world. Kids are like tattoos in the face... lol You have to think very seriously about getting one... And for them they were a total surprise. Of course they love them so much now, but still they came to their lives as accident, and the pressure they put in someone is not easy to take, even when they are wanted kids.
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