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| How We Became Fire; Het, REPOST from a year ago.James and ADE. Love, hate, love... | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: December 23, 2011, 1:25 pm (17,536 Views) | |
| Lilith | January 23, 2012, 7:17 pm Post #121 |
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♥ Jaimelicious ♥
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James was so weak... it'll take him a long time to get her to forgive him. But poor Ade, having to deal with this. |
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| Nah Bruno | January 23, 2012, 11:45 pm Post #122 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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James fucked this up. And his reaction was fair, of course, but only in other circunstances. Now, he should just shut the hell up.
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| Scorpion Flower | January 24, 2012, 7:01 am Post #123 |
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Outlaw Torn
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I came back home during the afternoon. I opened the door to hear people shouting. As I walked inside I realized it was Lars. I stood at the living’s room door hearing him screaming at James nervously. “You should have keep your mouth shut. Why do you always have to tell everything.” He shouted at James. James was sat on a chair looking at him. “Hey. I am going through major problems here don’t try to divert things.” James complained. “Yeah but did you have to tell her we all got girls? What if she tells Connie?” I interrupted Lars. “I am not gonna tell Connie. That is not who I am. But what you’re doing is wrong. At least James was strong enough to tell me even though he knew he was going to put us in danger.” I said. James looked at me with his eyes glittering, I guess it was because I was home. With that said I went upstairs. I still had to digest the fact that I was pregnant, in love with a man that cheated on me and I didn’t have a clue of what to do. I heard them talking downstairs for more than half an hour. I closed the curtains to make the room dark and I curled on my bed crying, sobbing. My head was just a mess. When everything was perfect it all came tumbling down. James cheating…My head was telling me to go away, to leave him but my heart was telling me to stay. To stay with the man I loved and with the father of the child I was now carrying. This child was, obviously, making all the decisions hard. I rubbed my belly with my hands and cried a bit. “what do I do?” I asked to myself. I felt the door of the bedroom opening. James sat on the edge of the bed and I tried to silence my sobs but a hiccup gave me away. James laid on the bed and curled against me and wrapped his arm around my waist. I didn’t move it felt good to have him there. We stood in silence for a while, both crying. After a while he turned me around gently, I did it without resistance. He took his hand to my eyes and cleaned them then he kissed each one of my eyes at a turn. His cheeks wet from his tears. “I am sorry I was rude with you today.” He said whispering. “You didn’t want it.” I said. “I can’t have a child you don’t want.” He shook his head. “No Ade…no…I was surprised yes and caught by surprise. We didn’t plan and I wasn’t counting on it but it’s not that I don’t want it. Well…the timing is not perfect but…” He chocked a bit on his tears as he remembered the cause of our anguish. “If only I could erase what I have done. I am so sorry Ade.” He said. Tears began to roll down my face. “I wanted to forgive you but I can’t.” He turned on his back and sobbed a bit. “God…” He sighed crying. “Why did you make me fall in love with you if you were going to do this? Why making me love you? For this?” “I was weak! I should have resisted and I didn’t.” “Was she pretty?” I asked. He looked at me and shook his head. “Was she prettier than me?” I needed to understand his reasons. “I don’t even know!” He said. “I don’t remember her quite well. Don’t do this Ade. Why do you wanna know that? I don’t know Ade…I don’t know how she looked like.” He said desperate. “You didn’t look at her?” “It was a party, there was a lot of stuff going on. It was a bit dark, I didn’t see her very well. She came up to me and…” He stopped talking. “She…well…she, it doesn’t matter. Last thing I knew I had done it.” “What a convincing explanation.” I said with sarcasm. James sat on the bed and grabbed both my arms. “You need to give us a chance Ade. I didn’t let go of you when you ran away from me. I stayed there and I fought to make you stay because I was I love with you. Together with my kids you are the most important person in my life. I am not perfect, I have my flaws and I know this was a huge flaw but Ade…give me a chance to prove you that I can do better.” “I’m going to Sweden.” I told him. “I am going to produce the new Katatonia’s album. I am going to Sweden.” He looked at me horrified. “How long?” “I don’t know, four, five months. I’ll stay here until the first appointment with the doctor but then I’ll leave. I am not going to do the week in and out. I am going to simply stay there.” “You’re pregnant!” “I know but there’s also doctors in there right?” I was controlling myself not to cry again. I was officially breaking up with the only man I have loved. “You can’t just take the baby away from me. I am the father.” He said. “And you will be able to follow the pregnancy if you want. I’ll be back in the US by the time of the labor.” James caught my face between his hands. “Please Ade…” He begged. “Give me a chance. Give me a chance.” He said. His eyes filled with tears, his eyes red. He kissed my lips and I let him but I didn’t kiss him back. “Please…” He whispered breaking the kiss. I looked in his eyes but said nothing he ended up leaving me alone. I crashed on my bed crying. I cried myself to sleep. I woke up several hours later. It was dark already and I didn’t have a clue of how many hours I slept. I got out of bed and the house was empty. It seemed like James was not around. I looked for him in living room but it was dark. I turned the lights on and noticed a notebook opened on the couch. It was hand written, it was James letter. I wasn’t going to read it but then I saw my name on it so I picked it up and I read it. “Ade, You don’t know how it hurts me to know I am the one causing all your pain. I never meant to be the one to break your heart. I’ve always wanted to be the one mending it instead. You don’t have a clue of how bad I feel and believe me, if I could turn back time I would do everything differently. I told you once I was not cured and that I had to be strong to keep me away from everything that could drag me down. I didn’t that time and now I have to pay the price. I have to lose you. Of all things I could lose you were the one thing I wanted to keep. I love you so much… Probably when you read this you’re gonna be far away in Sweden and it doesn’t matter what I say or do but I want you to know that I profoundly regret what I have done. Forgive me… I was willing to cancel the rest of the tour just to stay with you and prove you how much you matter but you didn’t give me the chance to even tell you that. I would do anything to keep you but I have to respect your choice. Will you think of me while you’re there? I will be here thinking of you and maybe when you come back you can give me another chance because I will be waiting for you. I waited all my life for you…you are the sun and I am the moon and there is only a moonlight when the sun is reflecting on the moon. I won’t shine if you’re not here. I love you and I love our child deeply. I hope you can forgive me, just don’t erase me off your life and please don’t forget about me. With love, James” I rested the notebook on the couch again and cleaned my tears. I went to the kitchen to find something to drink and I saw James out in the garden sat on the stairs that led to the pool. He looked down and lost. My heart ached. I had a bit of water and then I went up to him. His letter broke my heart. He was willing to cancel the shows? When I approached him I noticed James putting something behind his legs. I crouched in front of him. “Have you had anything to eat?” He asked. I shook my head. “You must eat.” “What do you have behind your legs?” I asked him. He didn’t say anything he just reached with his hand behind his legs and pulled a bottle of wine. I opened my mouth at him astonished. “You drank it?” I asked him seeing the bottle was open. I took the bottle of his hands and then cupped his face between my hands. “You can’t drink, you hear me? Do you want to make things even worse?” He shook his head. “I didn’t drink a drop of it. I was considering it though. I am so desperate…” His shoulders began to shake as he cried. I let go of him and rested my hands on my knees looking at him. “I know I fucked up badly Ade. I know I did and I can’t forgive myself for it. I want you to forgive me but I know I can’t force you and I betrayed your trust in the most outrageous way. I feel dirty and I don’t want to go back to those schemes. I am not capable of going back to that life what I have here is so much bigger. What I feel for you is bigger and more valuable. I just wish I could make you stay, I wish I could make you forget.” “Between my hurt and your despair I don’t know what’s worse.” I said. He smiled at me even though he was crying. “I can’t see you like this.” I said running my hand on this cheek. “Don’t go away Ade. Don’t go…” He whispered. “The kids love you, they will be sad and I’ll be broken. We’re having a baby…” “It’s chilly here.” I said getting up and stretching him my hand. “Let’s go back inside.” He took my hand and we got in. “Sit on the table. I’m gonna make us some sandwiches.” I said. “No. You sit and I’ll do it.” I did as he asked and while he prepared our little meal in silence I scrutinized his body from the behind. I wanted so much to run my hands under his shirt up through his back and kiss his neck. As soon as he turned around I strayed my gaze and pretend I was looking at something else. He put the plate in front of me and sat. “Did you take the pills so you won’t get sick?” He asked me. I shook my head and prepared to get up to pick the bottle up but he was faster. I sat back and James handed me a pill and a glass of water. Then we just began to eat in silence. There was a war inside my head with everything that was happening and I needed to understand. I broke the silence. “Did you like it? I mean…the girl…” I asked him. First he looked at me with pleading eyes not to talk about that anymore but acknowledging I wanted an answer he cleaned his lips with the napkin and began to speak looking down at his hands that were resting on the table. “Lars threw this party, we haven’t had that kind of party in years. Some girls were taken there you know. Candle lights, booze, some drugs. I didn’t drink or taken any drugs. I went there just out of curiosity, I thought I could handle it…” He choked a bit and cleared his throat. “Cleary I couldn’t…” He paused again. “Well, I should have known better. Anyway, these parties usually get nasty. Girls drink and get high and they are willing to do anything they’re asked. Lars ordered two of them to make out and it was right in front of me. I got really turned on watching them…I am sorry…” He whispered shaking his head. “And then?” I thought I was being brave to be there listening to all that and at the same time he was being brave himself to be that honest. “Then a chick that I don’t have a clue where she was, came up to me and she kneeled in front of me and…Ade…” That was too much for him to tell but I understood quite well what she had done. I nodded at him. “And then I wasn’t strong enough to make her stop. I just wanted to unload. There was no feelings in it, no nothing. It was fast as hell. I wasn’t there to please her, I don’t even know if she had the time to feel anything. It wasn’t a matter of me enjoying it Ade. It was nothing…I could have used my hand and that would be the same.” “Well but it’s not exactly the same.” I said. James reached for my hand. “Let’s not talk about this. Look we just found out that we’re having a baby and we haven’t discussed it. We didn’t pay attention to it and I think our baby deserves more from us right?” I rubbed my belly and looked down at it. “You seemed like you didn’t want it.” I said. “No…” James got up and crouched next to my chair. “No…no way. I want it yes. I wasn’t counting on it that was all. Come on we’re dealing with a problem and then this happened. I was just nervous not even thinking clearly.” “I don’t know if I am the motherhood type.” James smiled. “Yes you are. You are amazing with my children, you are protective of them. You are tender. That shows you’re ready to have a baby Ade.” “I want to go back to bed.” I said. James got up and kissed my forehead. It was late and I didn’t even notice how late it was. I changed to my pajamas and I laid back in bed. I tossed around unable to sleep. I heard James closing the door of the room, he went to bed as well. My mind wandered through our last conversation in the kitchen. I had decided to go to Sweden but then I didn’t know if that was really what I wanted to do. My head was a mess, one minute I wanted to go next minute I wanted to stay. One minute I wanted to forgiven him, next minute I couldn’t forgive him. I touched my belly with both hands. “I am sorry I have forgotten about you the whole day.” I spoke. “I hope everything is ok with you there. What do I do with your father little one? Can you tell me?” I stayed there quiet and silent for a while then I just grabbed my pillow and sneaked in James’s room. I put the pillow on my side and I sneaked into bed. He stirred a bit but didn’t wake up. I felt the need to feel the heat of his body against mine. Soon I felt my eyes subsiding. |
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| Voxx | January 24, 2012, 12:25 pm Post #124 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Ah, poor Ade. If I was in her situation, I would go to Sweden. I really would. It could be construed as running away, but at the same time, I think she wants some space so she can clear her head and try and find a way to forgive James. And like she said, when she comes back, he can still be involved in the baby's life. Either that, or James really has to find a way to make it up to her so she forgives him and stays. Though, I don't think she will given that she was going to go to Sweden anyways and do the one week on, one week off thing. Great update!
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| Lilith | January 24, 2012, 8:32 pm Post #125 |
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♥ Jaimelicious ♥
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The trouble with being in love of treacherous bastards as cute as him... it's that it's hard to leave them, no matter how much we want to.
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| Nah Bruno | January 24, 2012, 11:46 pm Post #126 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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I can't just imagine me in Ade's shoes. I mean, we all love James, but he was so weak and vain and a bastard and a jerk It's hard.
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| Scorpion Flower | January 25, 2012, 6:34 am Post #127 |
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Outlaw Torn
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I stirred a bit in my sleep before opening my eyes. I was hearing rain tapping on the window very far away and something was playing with my hair. I rolled on my back and stretched and then I opened my eyes to find James playing with a strand of my hair between his fingers. “You shouldn’t do that.” I said. “Do what?” “Watching people sleep.” I said. James smiled and ran his fingers through my cheek. “How long have you been staring at me?” I asked him. He kept caressing me and I just stayed there quietly. “For quite some time. I don’t know, an hour maybe. You came back to our bed.” He said. “Is this rain?” I asked. He just nodded and then insisted. “Why did you come back?” “Because I was feeling lonely…” I took a hand from under the sheets and caressed his face. “and I was cold.” I added causing him to giggle and smile. Despite all that was going on between us it felt incredibly good to be there with him. A thunder made the house shudder and I cringed a bit. “I feel weird.” I complained as I felt my head pounding. “What is it? Morning sickness?” He asked. James didn’t let go of me not even one second, either was my hair or my cheeks but kept on spoiling me with cuddles. I shook my head. “No, my body hurts. I feel a bit weak and my head…” I said frowning and taking my hand up to it. James kissed my forehead. “I am going to make us breakfast. Stay here, I’ll be right back.” Another thunder made me cringe in the bed. I was feeling awful. James came back with a tray with scrambled eggs, toasts and orange juice. He put the tray in the middle of us and we sat on the bed eating while the rain tapped incredibly strong on the window. “You don’t imagine how much is raining outside. It’s pouring!” James commented. “I can imagine…such noise. And it’s really dark.” I said sneezing at the same time. “Bless you.” He said. I guessed right away why I was feeling so awful. I had a terrible cold if not worse. I felt cold so I shivered. James covered my back with my robe that was on the floor. After we ate I came back to rest my heavy head in my pillow. James did the same. “What time is it?” I asked him. “9.30” He answered. “It’s so early!” I exclaimed. “I want to sleep more.” I said feeling lazy and a bit ill. “Then stay in bed.” James told me dragging himself near me and kissing my cheek. Then he rolled to get up but I grabbed his hand with mine. He looked back at me with his lovely blue gaze. “Stay here with me.” I asked him. “Really?” He asked to be sure and I just nodded. James laid back in bed. “I’m cold.” I complained a bit sneezing again. He just pulled me to him and I rested my head on his chest while his arms surrounded me on a sweet embrace. “Better?” He asked in a tender tone I nodded against his chest. “I think I want to sleep now.” I said as if I was already in a distant place but still I felt his lips kissing the top of my head. I woke up a couple of hours later feeling even worse. James was passed out in his sleep by my side and it was my turn to watch him sleep. He was peaceful, his breathing was steady and calm. I traced his lips with one finger and then I dragged myself closer and I softly brushed my lips in his, I wanted to kiss him but I refrained. I tugged my fingers lightly onto his hair and ran my hand through it, he opened his eyes slowly looking straight into my eyes and he smiled. “Feeling better?” He asked with a sleepy voice. I shook my head. “No, I’m still cold.” I said shivering a bit. He dragged his body against mine and then he put his palm in my forehead. “I think you might be feverish Ade.” He said. “Wanna go to the hospital?” “No. It would take us hours with this rain plus I was there yesterday I don’t wanna go back. I’ll get better.” I said. “You are making me hot.” He complained. “Get out of here.” I said tapping on his chest and smiling. “I wanna stay in bed. I don’t want to get up.” “Stay in bed. I am gonna take a shower and then I’m gonna make you some tea ok?” James got up and put another blanket on the bed to cover me then he disappeared behind the bathroom’s door and I heard the water running. I don’t remember seeing him out of it or getting dressed. I fell asleep again and I woke up with James shaking me gently to wake me up. He held a cup of tea in his hand. “Have this. It’s lemon tea with honey. It’s good.” He said checking my temperature once again. I sat on the bed and cupped the cup between my hands. It was warm and it felt good. “I called Skylar, she’s Lars’s ex and she’s a doctor and I explained. She said that we should be careful with the fever but since you’re pregnant there are not many medicines you can take but she gave me the name of a few just in case it’s needed.” “I’ll be fine. I just need to rest.” “Yes, she said that is important so today you’re staying on bed.” “I couldn’t get up even if I wanted to.” I complained. “I ordered our lunch then I will bring it here.” James took the cup off my hands when I finished. “I have some stuff to do downstairs concerning the tour if you need me just give me a shout.” A little later James opened the door. “You have a visit.” He announced. Lars came in almost tiptoeing I smiled at him. “You look awful.” He said sitting on the bed. I felt like hitting him. “Well thank you a lot!” I said blowing my nose on a tissue. “I just wanted to apologize.” Lars said. James decided to leave us alone saying he was downstairs waiting for Lars. I guess he didn’t want to hear anything more about that night on tour. “How could you take him there?” I said. Lars got up and walked around the room for a bit. “You know he can’t handle it.” I said. “I know and I am sorry honestly Ade. I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I shouldn’t have done and worse I shouldn’t have dragged him with me. He wouldn’t have done anything like this if it wasn’t for me.” I knew somehow Lars was being honest. The way James explained things matched to what Lars was telling me. “You have to forgive him Ade. He’s so desperate. Fist thing he said when I got here was that you were going away.” “Did he ask you to talk to me?” “No. I asked to come here to talk to you because I do think I owe you and him an apology.” “Apologies accepted.” I said smiling and blowing my nose again. “I have to help him now. Take care of that cold.” “Lars…” I called him before he closed the door. “Don’t wave candies at him when you know he’s unable to resist them. It could have been even worse. He could have drunk!” I said. “I know…” It was all he said. I laid back in bed thinking about the mess my life was. I was hearing them talking downstairs discussing details about this next leg of the tour. I heard James saying that he was wanted to be based in London and he’s flew from there in a jet. All gigs during that week would take two hours flight from there the maximum. Between their voices echoing far and my thoughts about the latest event my eyes began to shut once again but I was soon awakened with the door cracking opened shortly after. “Time for lunch.” James announced. I rubbed my eyes and sat on the bed while he put the tray on my lap. I frowned. “What’s this?” I asked pointing and my food. Chicken soup and some vegetables. “That’s what the doctor suggested. Don’t make that face.” He said sitting. I took a spoon of the soup to my mouth and I felt his eyes carved on me. “Come on tour with me this week.” He asked in a whisper as if he was afraid of speaking. “What?” I asked resting the spoon back on the plate. “Come with me this week.” He asked again and I felt his fingers searching for mine and entwining as he spoke. “I’ll be based in London. It will be just the two of us, please Ade…” His fingers pressuring mine “Don’t leave me. Don’t go way. I am begging you.” I felt sorry for him but in a good way but I had to think about his offer. “I’ll think about it.” I said. I knew I was softening up but my mind was far from a decision and James knew that. I freed my hand and grabbed my spoon back. “I called Katy to come here. I need to go to HQ for a while to arrange a few things.” “You didn’t have to. I could be here alone.” “But I don’t want to leave you alone.” I rolled my eyes. “As soon as she’s here I’ll leave ok.” I nodded. Katy didn’t took long and James left as he had warned me. “So he’s been nursing you all day?” Katy asked sitting on the bed. I giggled a bit. “Yes.” I said firmly. “He looks so restless and sad Ade. I feel sorry for him ‘cause I can see he’s struggling you know.” “I don’t know what t do.” I relieved. “Everything is such a mess. Yesterday night I told him I was going to Sweden but then I don’t know…” “You came back to your room.” She said out of the blue. “I felt lonely. I missed him and I was cold.” Katy laughed at my last remark. “I made him a couple of questions on the subject last night. He told me what happened openly. It’s not like he charmed a girl or anything. He was taken to a party with some girls and they were making out and you know how men lose their heads with that…” “I see…” Katy said surprised. “Well that’s what happened in fact. He can’t go to those places. He gets tempted and well…now we’re here hurting. He asked me to go on tour with him this week.” “You should go Ade. Honestly, give him a chance. You love him and he loves you and you’re having a baby together. I know it’s hard to deal with a situation like this but maybe with time you can forgive him. You came back to your bed and to your room. You slept with him the whole night, didn’t that feel good despite what happened?” She asked me. I nodded. “Then maybe something else is stronger isn’t it?” “I don’t know…” I said lost. “I know your head is a mess and so is his. Realizing he fucked up his relationship isn’t a good thing to deal with.” “I still have the willing to cuddle with him, to kiss him.” “As the days gone bye you’re letting it go. It’s not my life and I don’t know how I would react in a situation like this but I think you have too much on your hands right now. Cheating isn’t an easy thing to deal with but my two cents as he’s not gonna do anything like it again. Think about it and think carefully before you take a definitive decision.” Katy and I talked for hours until we heard James truck parking outside. “Guess he’s here and I shall go.” She said. “I think you two need to be alone.” I grabbed her hand in gratitude. “Thanks for being such a good friend.” I told her. Meanwhile James opened the door. “I’m home.” He said in a low tone. He smiled at Katy. “Thanks.” he told her. “I brought Chinese for dinner, hope you don’t mind and I bought you this…” He said taking a small box off behind his back. “It’s nothing special just a little something to make you smile.” He said handing me the box. I unwrapped it to find a tiny baby’s clothe. I smiled indeed. “Well, I guess I better be going.” Katy said getting up. “I’ll call tomorrow ok.” She told me. “I’ll walk you to the door.” James offered. “No.” Katy said smiling at him. “I know the way out. Stay here.” She told him. As she left James rested his hands on his waist watching me looking at his little surprise smiling like a fool. It was striking me again with a bit of reality that I was going to have a baby with him. James sat next to me and ran a hand on my hair making me look at him. “How are you feeling?” He asked nice and kindly making me melt. Well he had made me melt with the present. “Better.” I said controlling my will to kiss him. “I’m gonna bring your food.” He said getting up. I was a bit disappointed because I was enjoying having him that close but I still nodded. He came back with my food and kept me company until I ate. “Thanks for nursing me the whole day.” I told him. “You have been wonderful.” I said. He kissed my forehead. “I would this and much more if you needed me to.” He closed the door behind me leaving me alone. My hear raced and raced looking for a solution. I was more and more confused but I knew I was much closer to forgive him than going away. It would take some time though…Tired of being alone in the room and feeling better I went to meet him downstairs. James was sat in the living room with the TV on but with no sound and only with the reading lamp on, reading a magazine. He raised his off the magazine when he felt my presence. “What are you doing here?” He asked putting the magazine aside. “I was feeling better and I felt lonely.” I said sitting by his side. “What were you reading?” “Just a hot rod magazine I bought on my way back home.” He loved the damn cars so much it was too cute. “Do you wanna watch TV?” He suggested. I shook my head. “I want to cuddle with you.” I said. His eyes filled with tears hearing my words and he just opened his arms. “Come here.” He whispered. I cuddled against his chest and he surrounded me with his arms pulling me to him tightly. “Like this?” He asked kissing the top of my head. “Yes. Like this.” I whispered. |
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| Voxx | January 25, 2012, 8:03 pm Post #128 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Hmm, seems like she is forgiving him, but I don't know! She is sick, so she might be needing a little bit of pampering and nursing. James is doing a good job though, looking after her. Definitely intrigued on where this is heading. But I do think that she will eventually decide to go on tour with him. I think he'll persuade her somehow
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| Lilith | January 25, 2012, 8:13 pm Post #129 |
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♥ Jaimelicious ♥
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:3 Well, it's hard to stay cold when the man is taking such sweet care of you!
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| Nah Bruno | January 25, 2012, 10:42 pm Post #130 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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It's hard not to forgive a man who is taking such a good care of you. Still... not sure
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| Scorpion Flower | January 26, 2012, 7:46 am Post #131 |
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Outlaw Torn
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I sneaked out of bed with one hand in my mouth and another over my stomach ready to stick my head in the toilet first thing in the morning. In between my loud vomits I heard the rain and I knew with all that noise that I would awake James sooner or later and I wasn’t wrong, as I spilt my guts out I felt him crouch by my side and tugging my hair gently. Between one vomit and another I was able to talk to him. “Do you mind order your kid not to make this sick?” I said as I tried to stabilize my breathing with my head still in the toilet. James giggled a bit and then pulled me up. ”Thanks.” I said letting go of his hands and washing my face in the basin. I watched my face in the mirror. “You look awful Ade.” James said. Nothing that I was seeing it myself but I turned around to look at him indignant. He chuckled a bit acknowledging the weight of his words. “That is not what I meant…” He said with a ridiculous smile on his lips because he was holding his laughter. I threw my towel on his face. “Thank you so much sir.” I told him beginning to laugh and he followed me. “ I feel bad.” I told him when my laughter subsided. “That’s what I meant.” He said already serious as well. “Really, I think it’s better if we go to the hospital.” I shook my head. “No. I don’t have fever. This is just a cold. I’ll be fine. I’m just gonna go back to bed.” I said. “Yeah. It’s just 8.30.” James said following me. We came back to bed and we turned with our back on each other. Even though we were getting closer there was still this awkward environment between us. My head was still claiming for something I didn’t know what it was. I was so confused and torn between forgiving him and not forgiving him. Being ill and pregnant wasn’t much of a big help stabilizing my emotions so I began to cry in silence but a little sob gave me away. First James didn’t move and I knew he was awake, I took a deep breath to calm down but then another soft sob escaped my lips. I felt him turning over and then he dragged his body next to mine embracing me with his strong and healing arms. “Why are you crying?” He whispered in my ear while his hands slid on my hair in a caress. “Because it hurts so much.” I said with a crying voice. “Why did you do this? Why?” “I am so sorry Ade. I am sorry babe. I didn’t mean to cause you any pain.” I turned on my back to be able to see his face and look in his eyes. “I don’t understand…” I sobbed. “You taught me how to love and then you ended up being the one hurting me the most. That’s not fair.” I said in despair. James broke in two hearing my words and even though my face was wet from my own tears I felt his own falling down on me. “I didn’t teach how to love to cause you pain. I taught you how to love so you could love me the way I love you but I tend to hurt people I love the most. I wish I could take all this pain alone. I hate to drag you down with me.” “Do you regret it?” I asked taking a hand to his eyes to clean his tears away but he was crying heavily. He threw himself back on his pillow and put his hands above his head. “Oh Ade…if I regret it?” He said looking at me. “If regret could kill I would be dead by now.” “I am confused.” I said. “But I want you to know that I love you and maybe we can still save this.” I told him. James turned his head at me hearing my words with heavy tears running down his cheeks. I said no more and snuggled against him. “I am cold.” I said diverting the subjecting and I shivered a bit. I felt his arms around me like protecting me and he kissed the top my head. “We should go to the hospital.” He said clearing his throat from the crying. “I just want to sleep.” I said tired and closing my eyes. I woke up several hours later with my head pounding heavily. I realized I was already alone in bed and the clock read 2pm. The shower was running so I assumed James was taking a shower. I could barely keep my eyes open and I also realized I had another blanket on the bed. The water stopped and after a couple of minutes I felt the door of the bathroom opening. I struggled to open my eyes but I was able to do it when I saw James wrapped up just in a towel walking around the room looking for clothes. I stirred a bit in bed which made him raise his head from the drawer and look at me instead. “Hi.” He said in a sweet tone sitting down next to me on the bed. His hair tangled and wet from the shower. His masculine scent of freshly showered intoxicating me in a good way. He ran a hand in my face. “Your hand is cold.” I complained. “You have fever Ade.” He said concerned. “It will go away.” I said rolling on the sheets and blankets again. I closed my eyes immediately. I was feeling worse at every minute. “Is it still raining?” I asked. “Yes.” He said getting up. Even though I had my eyes closed I knew he was getting dressed as I heard the door of the closet closing and also the noise of the drawers opening. “I’m gonna pick up something for you to eat.” “I’m not hungry.” I argued. “You must eat.” He said leaving the room and no option for me to argue again. I guess I was too weak to argue anyway. I heard him talking downstairs so I assumed he was on the phone with someone. I shivered a bit under the covers and I cringed as my headache pounded again. I sneezed. After half an hour he came back with tea and toasts. “At least have this.” He said sitting on the bed and putting the tray on my lap as I sat. James picked up my robe and put it around my shoulders so I wasn’t cold while I ate. “What’s this?” I asked him as I saw a pill and a glass of water. “I called Skylar again and she said it was safe to take that.” He said. I nodded and so I did it when I was finished and then I just lay back down. James kissed my forehead even his lips were cold. I frowned a bit. “The fever will go away now.” He said softly caressing my face. “I’m cold.” I complained again. “I hate the fact that I have to leave the house.” James cursed. I opened my eyes to look at him. “I will be fine.” I reassured him. “You have to go to HQ?” I asked he nodded still caressing my face. I closed my eyes again. “I feel alright. I will be ok. I just want to stay here a little longer and then I’ll get up. Go, don’t worry.” I said basically falling asleep again. “Ade…” James called me gently caressing my face. “Your hand is cold babe.” I said and then I probably fell asleep and I don’t even remember James leaving the room or coming back. I felt a very cold hand shaking me. “Ade…Ade…” I heard his voice but I could hardly open my eyes and I was shivering. “I am cold…” I said. “Love, I am taking you to the hospital.” He said. “I don’t want to go.” I complained but he took my covers away. “You need to go. The medicine didn’t do anything. You’re burning in fever.” He said putting his palm against my forehead. I was shaking with cold and I ended up nodding. I tried to get out from bed but my body was hurting so James helped me. I sat while he raided my drawers and closet searching for some clothes. “Is this ok?” He asked showing me a pair of jeans, a white shirt and a black hoodie. “Yes.” I said. He helped me putting my clothes on and then I ran a brush in my hair tying it up after. I stopped by my closet to pick up a coat because I was still cold before we left. It took us almost an hour to get to the hospital with all the rain. The traffic was insane and there were a lot of accidents. James cursed a lot until we got there making me giggle here and there. He entered the hospital carrying me under his arm. I was shaking and he called a nurse. “Please. My girlfriend is pregnant and I think she has the flu. She’s feverish.” He said. “You need to do your registration fist sir but we will call you right away.” She told us. We walked up to the reception and made our registration and then we sat waiting. I rested against his chest. “It’s warm in here isn’t it?” He asked me. He was just in a shirt and I was with a coat and a hoodie and still shaking. “Hey…talk to me.” He begged noticing my silence. “Love…” “I’m sorry…” I excused myself closing my eyes again. I felt incredibly sleepy. A doctor that was passing by us noticed it and stopped talking to James. “What does she have?” He asked James crouching in front of me. I opened my eyes slowly. “I think it’s the flu but I am not sure. She’s pregnant.” James said. The doctor got up and motioned James to come inside with me. I leaned against him and we followed the doctor. I laid down and the doctor began to examine me. “She’s highly feverish. We need to cool her down, the fact that she is pregnant means we can’t do it any medicine. She’s at the first trimester so I think it’s better if she stays here during the night with serum and we try to calm it down. It’s the flu indeed but she needs special treatments. “Can I travel in three days?” I asked. James looked at me in a rant totally aware of what my question meant. I smiled at him with tears in my eyes and he smiled back with his eyes shining. “If everything goes right tonight you can. I wouldn’t recommend it but if you really need to go. Now if you don’t mind following me, we need to go to another room.” I laid in bed just in a green shirt from the hospital shaking with cold. James tucked me in bed the best he could but it wasn’t subsiding. The doctor gave the nurse the instructions and she began to prepare everything. She stuck the tube in my arm and hang the bottle with the liquid that was going to heal me or at least I expected. James was sat on a bench next to the bed holding my hand but I was falling asleep. When I woke up he was still there eyes opened holding my hand. I felt a bit stronger. “What time is it?” I asked him. “4 am.” He said much to my surprise. “What are you doing here awake?” I asked him. “You need to rest.” He took my hand with his own and kissed the palm of my hand. “I am fine.” He argued. “It’s really late. Go home…” I said but it was useless to argue with him. “No, I won’t leave you. How do you feel?” “Better.” I said. “Have you been here the whole time?” “Yes. I want to be sure that everything is alright with you and with the baby.” He said resting his hand on my belly and I put my hand on his. “Do you think I can go home now?” I asked him. “I don’t know. I am gonna call the nurse.” James left the room coming back with the nurse and a doctor. The doctor examined me and the nurse took my temperature, it was back to normal so the doctor said I was free to go. He prescribed some medicines and while he was doing it I put my clothes back. Around 4.45 am we left the hospital towards home. The ride was quick, not much traffic but the rain was still falling heavily. James parked the car in the garage so I wouldn’t have to be out in the rain and then we climbed upstairs in silence. I could tell he was exhausted. “Did you eat anything while you were in the hospital?” I asked him. He shook his head. “I wasn’t hungry.” He said sliding into the covers. I did the same and he turned on his left side to look at me. “Are you coming with me?” He asked. “Yes.” I said. “Thank you.” He said with tears in his eyes again. He knew that meant he had his chance to redeem himself. “Can I ask you something?” He asked and I nodded. “Can you hold me please?” I opened my arms just like he had done so many times for me in the last days and I held him really close to me while he crushed into tears again. I guess he was tired, broken. “Shuuuu…” I hushed while rocking him in my arms. “I promise I will make every bit of this pain turn into happiness. I’m gonna do everything I can to make it worth.” He told me. “You’re gonna have to be patient though. It’s not like everything will disappear.” I said. “ I know.” He said straying to look at me. “We better get some sleep.” He said laying down on his side of the bed and turning the lamp off. “Hold me…” He whispered in the dark. I snuggled against him. “Until it sleeps…” I whispered him back but I am not sure he heard it. |
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| Voxx | January 26, 2012, 12:37 pm Post #132 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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My goodness. I don't want children for myself, but reading about how James dotes over his pregnant girlfriend is enough to make my ovaries explode! No really, he's been really sweet and caring with her. Not surprised in the least that she decided to go on tour with him for the week. I knew he would eventually persuade her. |
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| Lilith | January 26, 2012, 8:32 pm Post #133 |
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♥ Jaimelicious ♥
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James got his way! But who can blame her? Who doesn't want James to take care of you when you have a cold?
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| Nah Bruno | January 26, 2012, 9:59 pm Post #134 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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It's good they're getting along again. I'd be a lot harder
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| Scorpion Flower | January 27, 2012, 8:10 am Post #135 |
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Outlaw Torn
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I woke up to find James sleeping peacefully by my side. He was turned on his stomach, his lips slightly parted and a hand and a leg over me, he was fast asleep. His breathing was calm and it came out in slow steady gasps. I kissed his forehead and sneaked out of bed gently not to wake him up. My body ached terribly but my sudden will for grilled bacon could make me go anywhere. I put on my robe and I went to the kitchen. The clock in the microwave read 2 pm. I opened the fridge and took some slices of bacon and 4 eggs. I put some bread on the toaster and turned the coffee machine on. Suddenly I remembered that probably I couldn’t drink coffee, not if I didn’t want to have a hyper active child. I switched the coffee machine off and brewed some tea instead. I scrambled the eggs while I turned the bacon in the stove and began to prepare a tray to take the food up to bed. It was my turn to take care of him. It was my turn to spoil him a bit. I was putting the eggs on a plate when his voice made me jump. “What are you doing down here?” He asked. I looked back to find James leaning against the threshold just in his boxers with his cute sleepy face. “I was hungry. I guess the kid wanted grilled bacon. I was drooling all over it in bed then I couldn’t take it anymore and I had to come down here.” I explained. “You could have called me. You should be in bed.” He said. “Grilled bacon?” He smiled peeking at the stove. I knew he also loved that. “And the kid asked for it?” He joked. “It’s a boy!” He opened a grin. “Oh really?” I asked back smiling at him. “Oh yes. He likes bacon just like me. It’s a boy.” He said approaching me then he bent over my belly. “Morning sweetie.” He said placing a kiss on my belly and that little gesture melted me. I ran a hand through his hair and he got up looking straight in my eyes. I wanted to kiss him but I didn’t do it. James bent over me and kissed my cheek. “Morning love.” He whispered. I turned my head a little and our noses touched, he sighed and I felt him tense a bit but I couldn’t do it. “Morning.” I said straying gently and putting the eggs on the tray. “Go to bed. I’ll finish this.” He said. I nodded and obeyed. I sat in bed waiting for him to arrive with out breakfast. He didn’t take long. With an incredible sleepy and tired smile on his lips he rested the tray on bed and slipped under the covers in a couple of minutes. “How do you feel?” He asked while we ate. “I feel like a truck has ran over me. My body aches, my bones, my muscles. Everything hurts.” “But you don’t have fever right?” “No. I’m fine. It’s just the symptoms of the flu.” I said to rest his heart. James watched me while I devoured all bacon I had on my plate. “Wow…you were really craving it.” He laughed. I nodded and then my eyes fell on his slices. He raised an eyebrow and smiled. “You want these too?” I could barely contain the water in my mouth just from looking at it but I felt sorry because I knew he’d love it so I shook my head. “Come on…” He insisted. “You don’t mind?” I asked him not resisting his offer. “Of course not.” I didn’t think twice in less than a minute I had devoured his part of the bacon. James laughed loud. “At least you’re hungry and our baby is not gonna cry for bacon anymore when he’s born.” “I hope he doesn’t cry at all.” I joked. “Oh God…diapers, bottles, teeth, crying in the middle of the night…” James pretended to be desperate. “I’m glad you have all that experience. It makes things easier for me.” I said smiling at him. “What if it’s a girl?” I questioned him. “Well, hope she’s gorgeous like you and her sisters. Hope she’ll be not as free spirit as Cella is though.” I laughed at his last remark. “She can really make me angry at her sometimes.” He said laughing loud. “She’s so cute.” I said. James smiled tenderly thinking at his youngest. “She is but damn, she doesn’t care abut anything. It’s cool dad! She says, I want her to be responsible.” “She’s 8!” I exclaimed. “No one is responsible at that age.” James kissed my forehead leaving the bed. “I have to take a shower and get dressed. Francesca is bringing the kids here. Cali and Castor are leaving for a sports camp for thee weeks and they want to say goodbye.” “Ok…” I said already feeling bored to be in bed but I knew James wasn’t going to let me get out of there until I was fully recovered. When he appeared fresh it was my turn to get up. “Hey…what did I tell you?” He argued. “I am just gonna take a shower and change my pajama.” I said. James stayed in the room getting dressed and I went for my rejuvenating shower. I was just standing under the water when he came in the bathroom to fix his hair. He took long I knew he was just watching me. When I closed the water and got out of the shower he handed me the towel then he picked up another one and began to dry my hair. When he was done he kissed the tip of my nose. “Get dressed, you can’t be out here in the cold.” He said rubbing his nose in mine. Either he was teasing me or he was just being tender as he always had been but I had that urge to kiss his lips again and so I did. I came a bit closer and I pressed my lips against his. There was no tongue, no nothing just my lips on his lips and there was no rush either. I kissed him slowly and taking my time. When I strayed we looked into each others eyes and then he just pulled me to him in a hug straying when we heard the door bell. “It must be her.” I said pulling away. “Get dressed.” He said smiling and disappearing downstairs. I got dressed in a new and clean pajama and put the other one in the laundry then I returned to bed. I heard the noise of the kids downstairs and I wished that I could join them but it was too risky as I could pass them on my flu. A knock on my door took me out of my momentarily misery. Francesca peeked. “Hi!” I told her. “Can I come in?” She said smiling. With time Francesca and I became close in a sane way. She had a new boyfriend and I felt more confident around her. “Congratulations.” She said. “Thank you.” “Do you prefer a boy or a girl?” She asked me. “I just don’t care you know as long as it’s healthy.” I shrugged. “Of course is gonna be.” She said patting my leg. “The kids were hysterical. They are very happy with this new baby. I think it’s gonna be good for them and of course for the two of you too. James is happy.” She said. “Well it wasn’t easy when we got the news. We didn’t have anything planned you know, it was a surprised.” My smile vanished a bit thinking about everything all over again. The betrayal, him telling me, taking the news. It was so hard…”How did you cope with him when he cheated?” I asked her. She had been through a lot with him and no one better than her to advise me. Francesca took a deep breath. “It wasn’t easy.” She began. “He’s different now, you don’t have to worry about that. He was just a kid back then, I mean in mentality. He had everything, money, fame…I guess he thought he could do everything he wanted. Plus his hurtful background made things terrible for him. He drank a lot and that’s what made things derailed. Women would fall at his feet quite easily and he’d take it because he thought he could you know.” I nodded hearing her. “They never mattered. I knew he’d always came back to me you know. Even though it hurt I knew deep inside and at his own way that he loved me and I expected him to grow up some time and get over it. When the kids were born it was different. I wasn’t so patient anymore. I couldn’t have him drunk around the house with kids so I made him that ultimatum and he took it. Not right away but I discovered I was pregnant with Marcella and it made things a bit different for us. He accepted to go into rehab and I ended up coming back to him. You know the rest…” She finished. “So in a overall you didn’t mind.” I said surprised. “I did mind, I just tried to see it clearly. Come on, no one likes that our boyfriend or husband has another woman. I hated that and I cried a lot and I struggled and we had a lot of fights about it but I also tried to see it from his point of view and I knew it didn’t matter to him. Most of the times he didn’t even remember them or knew their name. They were just toys in his hands.” I sighed. “You don’t have to worry about that Adriana.” She said. Little did she know but I kept my mouth shut. Suddenly the door of the bedroom cracked opened bringing an end to our conversation. Three kids stood in front of James and I smiled. “Hi guys.” I said. “Don’t come closer if you want to go to your sports camp.” I said. They waved from far. “I’m not going to sports camp.” Marcella said with a sad face. “And why is that princess?” I asked her pretending to be sad as well. “Apparently I am too young yet.” She said crossing her arms around her chest and making a disgusted face which caused all of us to laugh. She took two steps closer. “Do you mind if I go with you and dad to London?” She said with her puppy eyes breaking my heart. She was just like her father, even using the same tricks. “Cella, I think Ade and dad want to be alone.” Francesca comforted her daughter. “What did I tell you downstairs? Not to bother Ade with that.” James told her. Marcella looked at me waiting for my answer. I looked at James. “I think we can take her with us.” I said. A huge smile formed in the little girl’s face. She was just too cute and adorable then she turned to her dad for a final answer. James looked at her and he smiled tenderly. She ran to him and held onto his legs. “Thank you daddy!” She said holding onto him strongly. “That’s not fair!” Castor complained. “Marcella is going to London with dad and I have to go to sports camp.” We all laughed. “I want to go to sports camp. Billy is gonna be there.” Cali said with a smile. Francesca and I exchange a complicit smile. “Billy…” We said at the same time. Cali giggled. “Who’s Billy?” James asked. “Just a friend of mine from school.” The girl answered. “You go some other time buddy.” James said resting a hand on his son’s shoulder. “But the tour will be over after this week.” Castor argued. “You have been to London zillions of times.” Cali talked to her brother. “We’re going to be three weeks without mom or dad.” She said. Castor smiled. “Hey…you two behave in there.” James ordered them. “Ade…are you going to have a baby girl?” Marcella asked innocently. “Oh no…no way…No more barbies please.” Castor said rolling his eyes making us all hoot with laughter. “I don’t know sweetheart. It’s too soon to know.” I explained. When they all left James came back to the room to keep me company. “You don’t mind we’re not going alone?” He asked me playing with my fingers. “She was going to be here alone while her brother and sister are having fun.” I said. “It wasn’t fair. And then she gave me her puppy eyes…” “She’s tricky.” He said laughing. “But she’s lovely. I don’t mind at all.” “I’d rather go just with you but I also can’t say no to her.” I dragged myself closer to him and laid against his chest. “It’s ok…” I said putting some peace on is heart. “Ade…” He called me. “Can you help me with something?” “Sure.” I said sitting back on the bed. James grabbed a piece of paper and showed me. “This is a plant of the place we’re playing in London. Here is the stage and the PA’s. They say we don’t have much sound, the acoustics are bad and the left side has less sound than the right side. What do you think we should do?” I studied the plant for a while and James studied me, when I looked back at him he was just an inch away and my heart skipped a beat. “So?” He whispered. He ran his tongue on his lips nervously while my eyes were locked on it. I parted my lips a bit thinking I was already kissing him and anticipating his next move. His lips glued on mine the next second and I didn’t stop him. I delivered myself onto his will and power. First he kissed me softly and juicy catching my upper lip with his, then he ran the tip of tongue along my lips sending shivers down my spine and finally pulling me to him tightly with his strong arms he possessed my mouth completely. Our tongues entwined in sweet caresses and I melted into his arms. We kissed until we couldn’t breathe no more and then James strayed just a tiny bit, talking against my lips. “So?” He asked softly looking into my eyes. “What?” I asked him lost in the blue of his eyes. “The PA’s” He said smiling. “Right…” I said getting rid of his arms and sitting back on the bed. I cleared my throat and fanned myself with the plant. Suddenly it was hot in the room. Then I looked back at it. “I think you should use five PA’s instead of just four.” I began. James looked at me hearing my explanation and at the same time I pointed to the paper. “You scatter them on the back, it should work.” “Ok…” He nodded. “But I am not sure. Only if I was there I could give you a more valid opinion.” I looked at him and he was too close again and my heart was skipping again. “Thanks.” He said taking the paper off my hands. “I am going downstairs send an email to Lars with your suggestion.” The next second he left the room. I think he was running away from me too. He didn’t want to rush things. I grabbed the book on my nightstand and I fanned myself. |
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It's hard.
James got his way! But who can blame her? Who doesn't want James to take care of you when you have a cold?

8:42 PM Jul 10