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| A London Extra; A Hannah/James Sequel to A French Connection | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: January 9, 2012, 12:42 am (25,130 Views) | |
| Deleted User | January 26, 2012, 12:21 am Post #316 |
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It was time to call Ray. I was long overdue to speak to my husband, but as more and more time passed, the harder it got to contact him. He must know by now, that I had left him for James. He had seen the photos, heard the gossip, and lived in our now abandoned house. It amazed me that he could do what he done: running off to Argentina to visit Francesca without telling me—I would’ve understood if he had explained he needed to visit—taking my money, and fleeing the country. To be honest, in my mind, that much was forgivable. Subsequently, I had found out that he had been less than honest with me about his past. The fact did not bother me, but the secrecy did: He had had many more girlfriends that the two he had owned up to having. And the even bigger surprise, had been James’ revelation that his ex-fiancé had been Barbara—now Lars’ Assistant. But the thing that I absolutely could not forgive, was his utter disregard for his son. He had not contacted me once since he had left for Argentina, and he made no effort to do so either since he had returned home to London. For eight months, we had not been in contact at all. In my mind, it was irreconcilable. In fact, I did not need his permission to file for divorce. But even still, I had been utterly surprised by his behaviour. It was nothing like the man I loved and knew so well, to abandon his family and then disappear. The fact had been burning an increasingly large hole in my conscience. And now that James had proposed and I wanted the life with him that we were successfully building together, it was time to contact Ray: to end this and articulate it as over, wherever he was. I had not been able to contact him for the anger that I felt. I was unrelentingly furious at him for missing out on his son’s life. I had not wanted to break apart the joy that Anthony brought James in renewing himself as a father. I had taken myself to a secluded part of the garden to make a call home. James was inside in the lounge playing his acoustic guitar. He had sat Anthony on the couch opposite and he watched his Daddy while he played. I smiled at them from inside as my home line in London rang to a disconnected tone. I tried his cell in bewilderment, I couldn’t imagine why the landline would be disconnected. His cell rang and rang without picking up, until I met the voicemail box to leave a message. ‘Message box is full’ said the robotic female voice and the line disconnected. I rang the restaurant—it was all I could think to do. Justin, the Sous Chef answered. ‘Hannah?! Is that you?’ he was amazed to hear my voice on the line. ‘Yes, it’s me’ I replied, embarrassed at my absence. ‘Is Ray there? I can’t get hold of him’. There was a long pause as he shuffled the phone, presumably covering the mic with his hand. When the sound came back I heard busy street traffic and the horn of lorry. He was outside in the alleyway, speaking privately. ‘Hannah—Ray had a really tough time when you left him and took the baby’ Justin began. ‘He hit the bottle, and he’s in rehab in Edinburgh. He’s been there since just after he got back in May’ he explained. ‘What?! Are you serious?!’ I cried. The thought bewildered me. My husband, in rehab? I had not been aware in the slightest that Ray might’ve had a drinking problem in the past. I always assumed he worked long hours at the restaurant. I hadn’t imagined he might have instead, been face down in a bar. ‘He needs you Hannah. I went to see him once, but they don’t allow many visitors. He’s a mess, I barely recognised him’. I didn’t want to hear anymore, I couldn’t bear it. ‘Thanks for telling me, Justin’ I sobbed, ending the call. I felt like such a lousy wife. How could I abandon him in his time of need? I walked inside sobbing, to relay the news to James. He had known I needed to make calls, presumably to Ray’s lawyer about our divorce, he thought. ‘James!’ I cried, I couldn’t stop myself. He sat down his guitar in amazement. ‘Has he refused the divorce?’ he asked gently, assuming the worst. I shook my head. ‘I just found out why I haven’t been able to contact him!’ I explained. ‘He’s been in rehab: He’s an alcoholic and I didn’t even know!’ I fell into James’ arms. He evidently, was surprised too. ‘Jesus! I never knew…I never saw that in him!’ James replied in shock. He stood back from embracing me to check my face. I saw the clear shock on his. ‘I need to see him!’ I cried. James agreed. ‘I want to see him too, I know exactly what he’s going through in there’ he said in concern. ‘So where is he?’ James asked. ‘Edinburgh’ I replied, lost. My eyes were staring vacantly in disbelief into James’ chest as he held me. ‘We'll leave today--I’ll tell Lars we need the jet’ James said in concern. |
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| Auluna Raie | January 26, 2012, 12:27 am Post #317 |
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Shark-Tastic!
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*checks to make sure the emergency hatch on her plane is ready* |
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| Deleted User | January 26, 2012, 12:35 am Post #318 |
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You're welcome to fly in luxury with the rest of us of course!
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| Auluna Raie | January 26, 2012, 12:37 am Post #319 |
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Shark-Tastic!
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Open the cargo bay doors, I'm coming in for a landing! |
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| CarpeDiemBaby | January 26, 2012, 1:19 am Post #320 |
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// Sunglasses indoors.
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I don't know why, but I think that all this thing about Ray in rehab is a complete LIE
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| Deleted User | January 26, 2012, 1:25 am Post #321 |
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I'm sorry, but he is.
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| Auluna Raie | January 26, 2012, 1:34 am Post #322 |
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Shark-Tastic!
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Nope, I can smell a little bullshit... I'm never wrong ^_~ |
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| CarpeDiemBaby | January 26, 2012, 1:42 am Post #323 |
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// Sunglasses indoors.
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I agree!
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| Deleted User | January 26, 2012, 2:10 am Post #324 |
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Well, there is a twist, as always, but he is in rehab. |
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| Deleted User | January 26, 2012, 3:48 am Post #325 |
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I hope you're ready girls, because this one's gonna crack your skull a bit... We left for Scotland at 11pm that night. James’ pilot had offered to fly us immediately. He had known Ray well for many years. It would be a long 15 hour direct flight north to get there—and the shock we felt kept us awake. The engagement ring on my finger from James hurt to look at—but I didn’t want to take it off and disappoint James, but at the same time, I knew I could not wear it when I saw Ray. James was quiet, he stared blankly out the aeroplane window as we flew through the clouds in the darkness. I knew he could identify with Ray at this moment, but I was far from being able to. I brushed his shoulder gently with my hand, slipping my palm into his. ‘James?’ I asked softly. His eyes were wet when his face turned to me. ‘Can you tell me about what happened with you when you were in rehab? I know it’s a big part of you, but we’ve never talked about it’ I admitted. He took a deep breath, and let his lips vibrate as he exhaled. He was preparing himself to open the vault where he kept those memories locked firmly away. ‘At the time, it was the worst thing that ever happened to me’ he began. ‘I lost everything and had, and I had to figure out a way to come back from it. Ray probably feels the same’ he lamented for his friend. He couldn’t speak for a moment, instead he squeezed my hand. ‘I’ve never had to tell anyone this before, because Francesca…. she just knew’ he admitted. He took another deep breath. ‘Well, I used to drink until I would pass out sometimes up to five times a week’ he explained. ‘I’d have blackouts, I’d wake up in bed with random women, I’d not remember anything, I’d beat up my friends, stay out late, make excuses, I was horrible person’ he remembered. ‘In rehab, they had to wean me off the booze—I started having fits, they stuck me on a whole lot of drugs that were….mind-boggling’ he shook his head to clear the thoughts. I’d wake up in the night in these paranoid sweats, I’d want to break out of there, even though I knew I was there to help myself. It took about four months before I could really think clearly’ he paused. He was struggling to share the details with me. ‘How long were you there for?’ I asked him. ‘Just over six months’ he replied sadly. It wasn’t until the last month that I really wanted to change, that I really felt like I could, like I had something to go back to. I was still so afraid I wouldn’t have a family on the outside’ he revealed. I saw the terrible parallel to Ray. I was sure that he felt the same. ‘When I called, they said he can only have one visitor at a time’ I explained. James nodded. ‘Yeah, they’re pretty strict about visitors. Even Francesca was only allowed to come once a month’ he remembered sadly. He had started to say her name like it was forbidden. He smoothed the diamond engagement ring that sat on the fourth finger of my left hand. I smiled at him and he made a weepy smile back. ‘I don’t know what to expect when we see him’ I admitted. ‘Justin, Ray’s friend from the restaurant, said he was terrible, unrecognisable’. James nodded, he had been so himself. ‘I didn’t recognise myself in there’ he admitted. ‘It’s that bad’ he explained. ‘But, it obviously changed you for the better’ I tried to encourage him to see the outcome of his stint back in 2001. ‘Yes, for sure. But, I was lucky, it all made sense to me the first time. Some people relapse, they end up in rehab a few times, alcoholism is a disease, it doesn’t just go away with talking’ he revealed. ‘Rehab didn’t ‘fix me,’ Hannah’ he said a little rougher than he intended. ‘I fight every day with my demons. I try hard every day to keep myself on the right path, it’s not easy’ he turned his face away and his tears ran down his face once more. He broke into a gentle sob. I left my seat beside him to join him in his lap. ‘James, don’t cry, please!’ I slid into his lap and his sorry arms accepted my body. ‘What can I do each day to help you? I asked. Naively, I had not realised he still needed on-going support. He seemed so strong to me. He smiled warmly at my thoughts. ‘I just need you’ he said, ‘That’s all’. ‘Without you, I would be drinking again for sure’ he said. ‘That’s about all there is to it’. But still, I got the sense there was something Francesca could do for him that I couldn’t, and I hoped James would tell me in time. I wanted to understand his pain, but I was about to meet my husband and his very real demise. Thinking about it, I recognised some of the traits James had described in Ray. His absentmindedness, his secretiveness, his late nights and early mornings, his excuses, his erratic behaviour and his odd mood swings. I had thought it was all just the effects of hard work and a newborn baby. Ray had hidden it so well from me. The next day, still tired from our flight, James and I had decided I would visit Ray first, alone. The private rehab centre was more like a hospital than I had imagined. There were areas on the large grounds that were much more relaxing and less strict, but for the most part, from what I could see inside, the people there were attended to as though they were hospitalised. Before meeting Ray, I met with his Doctor. ‘Ray has been through some severe emotional trauma’ his Doctor explained. ‘His perceptions of reality are not normal, he often has fantasies about where he is and who he is with. He talks about the band Metallica a lot’ the Doctor explained. I nodded without explaining the situation to him. ‘He talks about his wife continuously’. ‘I’m his wife’ I explained. I knew this information would sit badly considering I had not made contact with him during the entire duration of his stay. The Doctor nodded, perhaps casting judgement privately. ‘Alright, I’ll take you to see him’ I nodded. I was nervous now about who I might meet. The Doctor swiped his access card at the door to a modern unit. He led me down a long hallway that fit somewhere between a hospital and a hotel. Ray’s room was the last on the left. ‘The door opened slowly and I saw Ray sitting at the table of his well furnished room. He had a large single bed, a desk, a table and chairs, a comfy looking couch and a large tv. He seemed as though he were here for the long haul. His face twisted in delight at the sight of me. ‘I’ll leave you two to talk’ the Doctor offered, and I made to hug my husband. ‘Francesca!’ he breathed. ‘I can’t believe it! You came!’ I stepped back from his welcoming hug in surprise. ‘It’s Hannah—Ray—I’m your wife, remember?’ I held his face in my hands and his eyes weren’t right to me, he was a different person alright. ‘Did you bring the children too? How’s Marcella?’ he asked. I sat slowly opposite him, unsure whether to indulge him in his fantasy. ‘The children are fine’ I managed, with a gulp. I tried to hide my tears from falling. They rolled quietly down my face, one by one. ‘You’re so beautiful!’ he smiled in the voice I remembered. I tried once more. I leant forward, resting my hands on his knees, taking his hands in mine. ‘Ray, it’s me, Hannah’. I begged him to remember. ‘Hannah left me’ he said, confused. I saw the empty pill container on the table next to him. Perhaps his state of mind was medicated. The Doctor has warned me, but I had not expected this. ‘So you’re doing well here?’ I asked. I was suck for ways to discuss his progress without upsetting him. ‘I’m off the booze—they found me, one day in London asleep on the street outside my house. I couldn’t find my keys, that was all’ he explained innocently. I nodded. He never could. ‘And I ended up here! ‘ I wondered if his acute loss had been mistaken for psychosis. ‘Ray, your son, James Anthony’ I reminded him. ‘He’s growing up so fast, he’ll be one in December’ I smiled, feeling selfish that it comforted me to say it, even if he did not understand. ‘I have a son?’ he asked painfully. ‘Yes!’ I took my phone from my handbag to show him. I showed him screen after screen of James holding Anthony. ‘I know this man’ he said proudly. ‘He’s in Metallica’. His voice was almost childlike. ‘Yes, he is. He’s your best friend!’ I reminded him. ‘That’s what I’ve been telling them all along!’ he begged. ‘I will talk to your Doctor, alright?’ I reassured him. ‘I will tell them that he is your friend’ I smiled to reassure the frightened man in front of me. He was a shell of the man I had married, but I knew his soul was inside trying desperately to emerge. ‘I love you, Ray’ I admitted. I didn’t care if he didn’t recognise me, but I had to say it. ‘You’re very beautiful, but I’m married’ he grinned. I held his hand sadly for a while longer. ‘I’m going to go now and speak to your Doctor, alright?’ I told him. ‘Your friend James, he will visit you tomorrow, okay?’ Ray’s face lit up. I was disappointed, I had hoped to introduce him to our son, but could see he was not able to comprehend things clearly. Outside I marched quickly up to the Doctor’s office and knocked harshly on the door. A voice inside invited me in and I sat in the visitor’s chair in the office closing the door behind me. ‘My husband Ray, he used to work for James Hetfield of Metallica. James is his best friend, he is not delusional!’ I emphasised. The Doctor nodded with his hands held together. ‘That certainly makes more sense’ he added. ‘But I’m afraid, he doesn’t have a sense of the people he knows around him yet. He has most certainly had a psychotic break caused by his alcoholism. Can you think of anything in his recent past that might have caused this?’ I nodded, the shame came flooding back. ‘He left to visit James’ wife—her name is Francesca—in Argentina, they are good friends’ I began. ‘Shortly after he left me, I took our child and moved to the United States with….my new partner’ I said. I couldn’t bear to explain that it was James. I know that he stayed with Francesca for a little while before he came back to London, that’s all I know’. The Doctor frowned. ‘I’m sorry, I thought you were Francesca!’ he clarified. ‘No, I’m Ray’s wife, I’m Hannah!’ I said. ‘You’re Hannah?!’ his eyes opened wide in amazement. ‘Come with me’ he said. The Doctor led me to a large sun-filled room filled with half a dozen people who drew and painted happily. He took a large art folder from the shelf and placed it on the table, opening it to the first page. It was a glorious drawing of our wedding portrait that hung on our bedroom wall. He had written my name over and over around the image. The next page and the page after, all featured skilled and articulate drawings of me. ‘I should’ve realised, you looked familiar from his drawings’ the Doctor added. Ray’s skill amazed me, I had not known he was a talented artist. ‘Does he ever mention his son? James Anthony?’ I asked. The Doctor shook his head. ‘No, only his wife: Francesca’. |
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| Auluna Raie | January 26, 2012, 3:59 am Post #326 |
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Shark-Tastic!
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*starts passing out parachutes* |
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| Deleted User | January 26, 2012, 4:02 am Post #327 |
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What does that mean?! So what do you think? That enough of a twist for you?!
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| Auluna Raie | January 26, 2012, 4:10 am Post #328 |
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Shark-Tastic!
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*runs back to her plane in the cargo area and puts helmet on* Uh uh, I know when there's a crash a' comin! I left the spare helmets in a crate up front, I'm staying back here where it's safe!
Edited by Auluna Raie, January 26, 2012, 4:11 am.
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| Deleted User | January 26, 2012, 4:13 am Post #329 |
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| CarpeDiemBaby | January 26, 2012, 4:29 am Post #330 |
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// Sunglasses indoors.
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Poor Ray ![]() ...and James talking about all the things that he made when he was alcoholic and how he combated his demons in there, and how he is still doing after rehab, that was so emotional...
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8:42 PM Jul 10