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At Tragic Heights; NEW! James/OFC short story...sequel to Firewalking and HYBTB
Topic Started: March 8, 2012, 3:23 pm (8,482 Views)
Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
So first there was this:

http://w11.zetaboards.com/Metallichicks/topic/7408062/2/#new

Then there was this:

http://w11.zetaboards.com/Metallichicks/topic/7578044/1/#new

And now the whole story. :P This is all written until the end, hope you like it.

________________________________________________________________________________

The next day I came back to the hotel, same frenzy, same lust, same fire. He then offered me a job…to go on tour with them the whole summer. At the beginning, there was this doubt in my mind but then the money was worth it. He offered me more than I would earn if I stayed in LA, so I accepted it. It could even be fun. Lars put me as James’s PA and I found myself around him almost 24 hours a day, which was good at first and then, all of a sudden, it became weird.

I expected his wife to be there but she was nowhere to be found or seen. Our game continued. We continued having sex, sometimes in between meetings, when I had I tell him what he had scheduled for the day, other times he’d look for me in my room. I never denied him, I wanted it as much as he did. Then suddenly it all changed. He stopped looking for me and I never had the courage to ask him why. He didn’t owe me any explanation. I just assumed he got tired of me and was trying to find a new toy, even if I never felt like one in his hands. James always respected me and was always a friend. He was never rude and was always very discreet. I was quite sure others knew we had some sort of an affair, but never, any of them brought the subject up. According to Lars, who had become a close friend of mine meanwhile, one could notice some sort of intimacy between us. I never said a word.

I never understood why James backed away, but one day, while we were discussing some things about some interviews he had, I made my move on him. I kissed him and noticed he didn’t kiss me back, he remained still, like frozen on his seat and didn’t react. Just when my hands tugged on the waist of his jeans to unbuttoned it, his hands caught mine and he pulled them away gently. His blue gaze locked on mine and I looked at him inquisitively and he whispered a “No.”, and that was it. I moved back and he never looked for me on that manner, though he still talked to me in a friendly tone as if nothing else had happened. I can’t deny my pride was hurt, but I assumed he had his reasons and tried to respect his boundaries. We never talked about it and I simply moved on.

I passed by him feeling his blue gaze burning on my back. I was tired, exhausted even. Touring was nothing as I expected, it was much more and then a little. I closed the door behind me of a small room on the backstage and threw myself on the couch.

“God…” I whispered closing my eyes and letting my body relax a bit. City after city, country after country, party after party, was simply leaving me beyond tired. I pulled my black hair up and tied it on a ponytail. My back sweating because of my long hair. The day was too hot in Madrid and I just wanted that day to end. Then, there was a knock on the door and it opened softly right after. I sat on the couch and looked back to find him, already in his stage clothes, coming in.

“Tired?” He asked sitting in front of me. I smiled at him and nodded.

“Touring is killing me.” I said. “You’re free for the rest of the day.”

“Are you coming to the party tonight?” James asked me looking in the deep blue of my eyes.
“No…not tonight. I am going straight to the hotel and rest. I really need to rest my sleepless and restless body.” I giggled nervously as he was still staring at me. His staring eyes began to bother me a while ago, but then he looked away, much to my relief.

“Touring is crazy isn’t it?”

“Yes!” I agreed, getting up to pick up a bottle of water. “Want some?” I offered him. I threw him a bottle as he nodded and he caught it perfectly still in the air. Then I came back to the couch.

“And how are your other problems?” He asked. I got tense right in front of his eyes making him tense himself. After some months I began to react that way, it didn’t matter we had became good friends, I would always avoid the subject with him and that bothered him in some way.

“I don’t want to talk about that…” I said sighing at the end. My eyes left his and I stared at the wall. “Why are you bringing that subject up now?” I turned again to him, but there was some rage inside me and I hoped I wasn’t showing it to him.

James shrugged and scratched the back of his neck. “Just asking…do you still have feelings for him?” He insisted. I stood fast and turned my back on him.

“James! Jesus…did you really have to bring that subject up?” I asked him waving my hands in the air. “I don’t want to talk about this or him!” I repeated.

“You talk about it with Lars and since we’re friends I can’t see the problem!” He added, but he was calm.

“I don’t talk to Lars about it!” I argued. James smiled at me knowingly. “Ok…I do. Maybe I do.” I confessed. “But please, not now…don’t bring that subject up. It doesn’t make sense.”

“You still do, don’t you?” He said. I lost my patience there.

“Ok, Hetfield.” I said grabbing his hand and pulling him up. “Get out of here and leave me alone.” I pulled him to the door, but I was smiling and he smiled too.

“Avoiding the subject won’t make things easier. I feel kinda jealous you’re opening up to him and not to me.”

“You’re my boss around here, I can’t talk about my private life with you.” James laughed loud. He knew it wasn’t that, but he couldn’t understand why, all of a sudden, I had stopped opening up to him, especially since we had come on tour.

A knock on the door brought the conversation to an end and James opened it the same second. “Oh…you two are here!” Lars exclaimed looking at us.

“James was teasing me and now he’s leaving right?” I laughed looking at him.

“Leave her alone!” Lars told him. James tapped Lars’s shoulder and left. Before he disappeared around the corner he looked back at us and shot me a soft smile to which I corresponded. “So, you two were talking?” Lars asked me.

“He was asking me if I still had feelings for my ex.” I said. It was so much easier to talk to Lars about it, and it had been easy to talk about it with James too, but, somehow, it wasn’t easy anymore and I only wished he’d stop asking about Mark.

“Because he wants to know!” Lars exclaimed.

“It bothers me that he asks. I don’t want to talk about Mark with him anymore! It just doesn’t feel right…” I said almost swallowing my words in the end.

“Why not?”

I just shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“So, and do you? Do you still have feelings for him?” I locked my gaze on my feet and sighed, then I shrugged again and then shook my head.

“I don’t know…” I just don’t know anymore. I mean…I came here to let go of him after we broke up, and I am quite sure I loved him a lot back then, but it was an impossible relationship and the only way to let go of him was to leave. Now…now, I don’t know. Everything seems so distant but at the same time it’s present. I don’t know. I feel something, I just don’t know what I feel anymore.”

“I think you’re divided between two men, but that’s just me. The fact that now you’re avoiding that subject with James….” Lars got up leaving me alone with my thoughts and when I heard Ecstasy of Gold beginning I went up close to the stage so I could watch the show as I did every night.

I watched James from far, always so delivered to what he was doing but he always found a second to look back and find me there, at my favorite spot, sometimes he smiled, always making my heart beat a bit faster and deep inside I knew Lars was a bit right. James moved me more than I wanted, there was something there that I couldn’t explain. When the show was over I ran away from there, seeking for some peace. Metallica was still on stage saying their goodbyes to the crowd and I was already taking my van back to the hotel.

I took a shower and then put on my black silk pajama. Then turned the TV on and some black and white movie was on. I sat on the couch and curled up on myself, holding onto my legs. It felt good to be on the quiet, hearing the silence, just me and no one else that night. I needed that, I needed time on my own. As the movie evolved and the guy declared his love for the girl, I felt tears running down my cheek. I had always been a sucker for love and even if I have failed on my own, I deeply believed that I would find my true love.

“Nadia?” I heard a voice outside and at the same time a knock on the door. I ran to open it.

“I thought you were going to the party.” I said smiling at him. James looked tired.

“I am tired but I thought a tea would be fine. Wanna have tea with me?” He asked. I strayed to give him space to enter and closed the door.

“I’ll order.” I said grabbing the phone and James sat on the couch.

“Were you crying?” He asked when I hung up, probably noticing my eyes were a bit red and swollen.

“No…well, yeah….but it was because of the movie.” I cracked a laughter, quite embarrassed and he offered me his gorgeous smile.

“You’re not mad at me are you?” He asked me suddenly. I looked at him a bit confused. “Because of the questions tonight…” He explained and I shook my head.

“No…I am not, but I should! How many times have I asked you not to talk about him or not to bring that subject up?”

“I know…and I am sorry…it’s just that, you used to talk to me about everything and now you almost runaway.” He sort of complained.

“I don’t runaway from you!”

“That’s not what I meant. I meant from that subject…”

“Why should we spend our time talking about someone that isn’t here, that you don’t know, that it’s not part of my life or yours?” I said, then there was silence between us. Our eyes locked, blue with blue, meeting profoundly.

“He might not be now, but he was part of your life…” James said.

“He was….now you used the right words. I don’t think we should spend any more time talking about him. Forget all about him James.” I almost pleaded.

“I just want to understand what’s on your mind.” As he said the words room service announced outside. I got up to receive the order and James tipped the guy. Once the door was closed, he helped me serving the tea and then he brought the subject again. He was, for sure, pressuring me. “So, as I was saying…” He cleared his throat. “I just want to understand you.”

We sat on the couch facing each other and each with a cup of green tea on our hands. “There is a lot of stuff on my mind right now.” I simply said. “Mark is one of the things I just don’t want to have on my mind and he is…every single time you ask me about him. I haven’t been talking about him! He’s not here…” I said almost choking.

“I’m here…” James told me suddenly and I remained like frozen for a few seconds.

“Then don’t make me questions. Don’t pressure me, just leave me be.” I knew that conversation was taking a step up. That was another level, but I felt good with him, I felt comfortable and protected and all I wanted was for him to be him and not someone concerned about another person, though I understood his reasons. After all, it was because of that that we had met. He had caught me off the ground in the middle of the street, under pouring rain, feeling miserable.

“I promise.” He said.

“Do you want to see what you have scheduled for tomorrow?” I asked him but James shook his head.

“We’re not working at the moment, so I’ll pass.” He laughed. “I am jealous of Lars.” He laughed loud. I threw him a pillow that was on the couch making him laugh even louder.

“Like you can complain! I spend most of my time with you!”

“Reminding me of my duties.” He pointed out.

“That’s my job.” I shot him a grin.

“I’m glad you came on tour with us.” He said.

“I’m glad I decided to come.” I said as our eyes met one more time.


TBC
Edited by Scorpion Flower, March 8, 2012, 3:24 pm.
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

I wonder why James put that distance between them, though it's good she is not all that hurt by that, even when of course she seems a bit resented. And it's intriguing why, after putting that distance he is now trying to know how her sentimental status is. His mind is a mystery!!! Hope Lars can help us!

More!
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
The alarm clock beeped yanking me off my sleep and my eyes refused to open. I tapped on it strongly until the noisy buzz was gone and then stretched on the bed. My head was pounding too much, like I had been drinking, but I knew it wasn’t the case, I was simply tired. Then, dragging and forcing my body out of the bed, I stood, just to sit back again as dizziness attacked me. The room span a bit and for a second I thought I was going to pass out, so I remained still, waiting for it to go away.

“Holy shit…” I mumbled as I tried to get up again, I stayed still expecting it to attack me again but it didn’t, so I slowly began to walk to the bathroom. I opened the knob and slid off my pajama. A shower would bring me back to life or so I expected, I wasn’t wrong. Twenty minutes under warm water was all it took to feel fine and finally, I closed the water and grabbed the towel near me. I felt my head still pounding, I was feeling awful, but at least, the dizziness had disappeared. “I am gonna die on this tour.” I complained alone and to myself.

Valencia was the next city being visited by Metallica, so I packed my stuff since we would be flying there after breakfast. I puffed thinking it would be even hotter than in Madrid, I never thought European cities could be that hot during the summer, it was killing me slowly. Nevertheless, I liked the money I was making and still found some excitement being on tour with such a huge band. Even learned how to like their music a bit and it was there, when I wasn’t distracted by James presence on stage, that I’d remember how Mark would love to be in my shoes, after all, I was touring with his favorite band. Life is funny sometimes.

When the room was completely clean of my stuff and my bags carefully put near the door, I decided to have breakfast downstairs, with the rest of the crew. I liked to hang around them, mostly men, except for me, Lars’s PA and the women of the wardrobe. There was an intense and funny vibe and I liked to be with them. To my surprise most of the crew was already gone. I should have remembered that, because when there was a show two nights in a row, the truck drivers and stage people would leave right after, so there was only the people that would fly with the band and even them were done and leaving. I spotted Lars and Connie at the end of the room and they waved, and so I went there and sat at the table with them.

“You look awful.” Lars exclaimed as I sat my butt on the chair in front of him and made me giggle.

“Thank you sir.” I said joking.

“No, really. Are you feeling ok?” He asked and Connie scrutinized me attentively, which made me realize my aspect should be terrible.

“My head hurts a bit and I felt a little bit dizzy when I got up but hopefully it’s nothing.” I explained.

“Hope you’re not getting sick.” Connie said.

“I hope not too.” I offered her a smile while the bartender served me of some mushrooms and eggs.

“James went to you last night didn’t he?” Lars asked me. I raised my eyes of the plate and stared at him wondering how he knew, but he just smiled. “He left the party early so I assumed he went up to you.”

“Yeah…we had tea and talked until late hours.”

“Is everything alright between you two?” Connie asked me.

“Sure it is.” I confirmed.

“James is asking her about her ex you know, and she doesn’t like it.” Lars explained. Connie simply smiled.

“I just don’t know why he insists.” I said, again disturbed at the thought. “I came here to let go of that and he keeps bringing it back.”

“James asked Lars to make you his PA.” Connie told me under Lars disapproval look. I looked at her surprised. I didn’t know about that detail.

“What do you mean?” I asked. Lars sighed and closed his eyes. “He offered me a job on tour then he delivered the case to Lars as he’s the one who decides such things.”

“Yeah, but what happened in reality is that he asked Lars to put you as his PA.” She explained. I looked at Lars and he just nodded confirming the story. I had no idea why James had asked him that, but then I remembered we were having a small affair and maybe it was because of that and, also, James was missing a PA since Ray had left. Things began to form in my head like that.

“And I get almost 24 hours near him asking me if I still have feelings for Mark.” I laughed a bit, trying to clear the silence that instantly assaulted our table. Connie looked at me as if she wanted to tell me something else, but then she smiled and said nothing more. Then I spotted James coming in and walking in our direction, then he mumbled a good morning and sat on the vacant seat by my side.

“Good morning.” I told him noticing his swollen eyes and the big black bags under them. “Sleep well?” I asked.

“Yes. I feel really tired.” He said. He looked tired indeed but there had been something bugging him for a couple of time, as he had lost part of his spontaneous character. James waved so he could be served. “What do I have scheduled for today?” He asked me.

“Well, at 4.30 you have Rolling Stone, then at 5.15 you have some Spanish magazine that I can’t recall the name at the moment and then meet n’ greet.” He nodded in silence and then looked back at me, grabbing a strand of my hair between his fingers.

“You look awful, what’s the matter?” He asked sweetly. My heart raced a bit at his tenderness and I almost jumped on my chair and part of me wished he wouldn’t be so tender in front of Lars and Connie.

“My head is hurting, that’s all.” I said. He let go and then looked at Lars. They discussed little details for the show that night and I remained silent, while Connie watched me. When their conversation was over, Lars grabbed his girl’s hand and left us alone, excusing themselves that they still needed to pack. Somehow I felt they just wanted to leave us alone and it occurred me that they knew more that they were telling me, but as I looked back at him, eating so silent, my doubts and fears were washed away.

“Is really everything alright?” I asked him refraining to ran a hand over his hair as I wanted. I cared about him, after all, other than a friend, he had been my savior, if we can call it that way. James nodded.

“It is really. I am just feeling exhausted and my throat is about to be sore. “

“Well, after tonight’s show you have two days off, maybe you should rest.”

“We’re going to Barcelona tomorrow morning. The flight is short so I think it will be good to have two days off. And you Nadia…are you really alright, or is there something you are not telling me?”

“I am alright. I swear. It’s just my head and obviously, I am drained.” I offered him a smile and he ran a hand over my cheek, smiling as well. “I have to go to my room now.” I said getting up.

“Are you going to leave me eating alone?” He chuckled.

“I need to make some phone calls boss…” I told him, as I still needed to arrange some stuff for him.

“Ok.” He said and with that I left him.

Once in Valencia it was the usual rush to the venue and then prepare everything for his interviews. I found a nice little space and put some bottles of water in it and then checked if everything was alright. Then I had to follow him around and watched the interviews from a corner of the room. Same questions every day, I didn’t know how he had the patience to answer the same thing over and over again and still offered them all a smile and his sympathy, though that day he wasn’t particularly kind, though he tried.

Finally, and done with the interviews I had to follow him to the meet n’ greet. On our way there he commented about the Spanish’s journalist accent and laughed a bit making me smack his arm but laughed with him. He could be so funny sometimes. Meet n’ greets were always my favorite thing to watch. I loved to see him interact with the mesmerized fans, though I could realize he didn’t show much of him to them. I knew a different James, a different side of his and caught myself many times considering me special for that. Though he was nice and laughed with them, there was a lot of him lacking in these moments, his shell appeared and tried not to show too much.

“Let me help you.” He said taking some of the stuff I had in my hands after being with the fans.

“Some of them are so thoughtful about the things they bring.” He commented.

“I guess they just try to please you guys since it’s their big opportunity to give you something.”

“Yeah…” He said a bit distant and then we made our way in silence. I put all the stuff in their dressing room as usual and then asked him if he needed anything else, as he said he didn’t, I left him with his band mates and went to the catering room to have something to eat. It was almost show time as the second band was already playing and I didn’t want to miss the show. My duty for that day was done and I had two days to prepare the next round of shows.

I sat near the wives and again I thought why his own wife wasn’t there. I found it strange as she should be there like all the others were, but they awaked me out of my thoughts, pulling me to their conversation.

“Tonight you’re going with us right Nadia?” Chloe asked me. Though I didn’t want to I nodded.

“I am.” I said. “Don’t know if I am going to stay long but I’ll go there a bit.”

“It’s gonna be fun. We’re going dancing.” Lani exclaimed. I loved the friends I had made meanwhile, and I was for sure having a great time. Many people would kill for my job and I had to be thankful for that.

“Didn’t you find James weird today?” Connie asked me out of the blue. Of all, she was the one I was closest to.

“I did, but he says everything is fine.” I told her shrugging.

“Sometimes he just closes himself in his bubble.”

“He said he was just exhausted, I am going to assume it is that.” I said.

After the show it was party time. James was there but he was distant, not having fun as he used to. He was sat on a barstool just watching the rest of us having fun and sipping on his bottle of water. I danced for a while and caught him gazing at me a couple of times, and when I got tired I went up to him.

“What’s up. You’re not having any fun.” I said sitting next to him.

“Guess I am having a bad day.” He said.

“And why is that? I noticed but…I didn’t want to ask straight forward you know.” he looked down at his feet and shook his head.

“It’s nothing Nadia. Don’t worry about me.” With that he shut me up and we both began to watch all having fun around us, then he brought his lips near my ear to speak.

“Do you still think about him?” I looked at him in disbelief, but his blue staring gaze disarmed me.

“Not as much as I used to.” I simply said. “Where is your wife?” I finally got the courage to ask him, somehow I thought that was the cause of his distress.

“She’s at home.” He sounded relaxed.

“Why isn’t she here?” I insisted. That issue had been hammering on my mind for quite some time.

“I don’t wanna talk about her.” He answered. “Don’t talk to me about her Nadia.” He usually didn’t talk about her, not ever he did, even if I asked he’d divert the subject always leaving my questions unanswered.

“We talk a bout so many things…” I told him comfortably.

“But don’t talk to me about her. I don’t want to.” He said as a plead. Only once he did, and that was the first time ever we were together, when he was trying to avoid my move upon him and he said he was married and that was about it, after that it was as if she didn’t exist and the more I got to know, the more I got curious.

“Ok…” I agreed nodding. “Then we don’t.” James offered me a tired smile.

“She’s not here, and that’s all you need to know.” He concluded. I thought that was a bit unfair but I respected him and shut up.

“My friends called me from LA today.” I said happily.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, they say they miss me. Guess it’s normal, I miss them too. Hanging around with them, going to the beach. LA by night…” My mind began to wander and he giggled a bit hearing me.

“Are they friends with him too?” He asked and my smile vanished.

“Why do you always end up talking about Mark? “

“I don’t know…it comes up…” He answered with the same tone I directed him.

“Jesus…let him go!” I exclaimed a bit annoyed, that would always ruin our moments. “Whenever you ask me about him, I feel like you’re analyzing me and I don’t like that.” I was a bit pissed off. His eyes searched for mine but he was silent and I remained silent then too, waiting for him to say something.

“It’s just that…” He began just to shut up again.

“What?”

“Nothing…” He shook his head.

“I don’t wanna talk about him James.” I said getting up, then I gave a step towards him and grabbed his face between my hands. “Not with you anyway…” I confessed. My mind searched for a reason right there and I was confused. I searched franticly for a reason why talking about Mark to him was such a bother.

“And I don’t want to talk about my wife with you.” He said not moving, as if he was daring something.

“I got the picture.” I said letting go of him. “She’s not here and that’s all I need to know.” I repeated his words.

“And he’s not here.” He said.

“And that’s all you need to know.” I said turning my back on him.
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

Ok... I'm a dirty dirty bitch... but... oh God... to have James as a boss... to call him boss... :drool :drool :drool

+___+

Ahem! Back on the story! I wonder if Nadia is in good health. :biggrin Definitely Lars and Connie know something... James curiosity is not normal. I have my suspicions, but I still don't have enough elements to form a theory. But the fact that Lars and Connie are involved, means is something important.

More!
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Some_Kind_Of_Monster
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☠ (R.I.P) † Return Is Possible †
[ * ]
James has feelings for her :biggrin
Oh let them be dirty :drool :lol:

Yes boss, master...oh :drool :lol:

More :heart:

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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
I left him there and joined the others on the dance floor, feeling somehow pissed off at him. Even if I wanted to deny it, the sign of the rejection was still there, not that I cared but I missed him. I missed his kisses, I missed the sex, I missed his strong embrace around me, his whispers in my ear. I missed the caresses and cuddling after the rush was over, and even if I tried to understand his side, I missed all that and didn’t want to miss a thing. I knew from the beginning he was married, so I also knew our adventure would have to stop one day, but I got carried away. I took it for granted. At first it was not that hard, but as the days and weeks went by I realized I missed having him that way and it was very hard, because I always had to be around him in a way or another. Sometimes I just wished he turned into a jerk, because it would help me forget but he’d only make things harder being such a nice guy and even tender. I thought about Mark yes, but not as much as I thought about him, and it hit me…

I shook my head a bit trying to shake away the demons off my mind and continued dancing but glanced at him and he was sat, at the same spot, looking at me. His blue gaze knew no one else in there but me and I turned my face away fast. I didn’t want him to see me looking at him. I didn’t want him to notice that after all, he mattered. Waving Connie a hand I let her know that I was quitting the night, I needed to go back to my hotel room, where I’d be safe and sleep my demons away. I told the rest of the crew goodbye and began to walk my way to the door passing by James, and he grabbed my wrist with his hand. I looked down at his hand and then up at his face.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

“Back to the hotel.”

“Alone?”

I smiled. “It’s at the end of the street, it’s not like anything is going to happen on my way there.” I told him. Ignoring my remark, he put the bottle of water on the counter and got up.

“I’m going with you.” He told me. We left and he didn’t even bother saying goodbye to the rest of the people in there. We began our way down the street in silence. James with his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans and looking down at his feet. I looked ahead, like trying to stare at the end of the street and holding all my questions inside. I didn’t want to piss him off, but I had a few questions I would like to make him.

“Why did you ask Lars to put me as your PA?” I asked not containing my curiosity inside. The silence was broken, probably, with the worst of the questions as James looked up at me in disbelief.

“What?” He simply said.

“I know you asked him to put me as our PA, I just want to know why?” I insisted loosing the fear that had kept me quiet before.

“I did not!” He exclaimed.

“What? So, he lied?” I confronted him. James sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Because I was missing one, just because of that. What did you think?”

“I didn’t think anything, but you could have told me. This looked like some sort if secret and I was a little blown away when I knew.” I talked fast, as if not taking the words kept inside anymore. I saw his chest coming up and down fast as he breathed, he was nervous.

“He should have kept his mouth shut.” James shot.

“Why?”

“Just because…” He told me.

“Just because is not an explanation James.”

“It is the one I have to give you ok?” James raised his voice a little bit and I didn’t push it because we had reached the lobby and the issue was private. We got in the elevator together and when the doors closed, he turned to me. “Don’t make me weird questions, what are you trying to do?”

“I am not trying anything! I was just curious that’s all.” I defended myself. Well, if you pick up a fight, you have to see some bullets coming your way and I sure needed to defend myself.

“That’s all?” His eyes searched for mine and I looked away. “Why did you want to know about my wife? Why does it matter?” I didn’t expect him to confront me with that, I was caught off guard and remained silent. “Answer me?” He said almost as a plead, grabbing my jaw gently to force me to look at him. I looked deep in his eyes but remained silent and when the elevator reached our floor he let go and got out.

We stopped near my door. “Why should I answer your questions Nadia, if you refuse to answer mine?” He asked me there.

“You ask about the same thing over and over!” I was on the verge of yelling.

“Because I want to know!” He said throwing his hands in the air. He was getting more nervous every second.

“Why?” He sighed and smiled sarcastically hearing my question. “Why is that you need to know? I don’t understand, so help me understand…” I insisted using a regular tone this time.

“There’s nothing to understand.” He simply said.

“Why is that you rejected me?” I was surprised at the quantity of questions I had for him and even more with the courage to make it.

He giggled a bit, but nervously. He couldn’t even look at my face.

“Because I refuse being used by you to forget about your ex. That’s why. I am done with being your sex toy. Satisfied now?” With that he turned around and began to walk to his room down the corridor, but I was rather offended by his words and run towards him, putting my body in front of door so he couldn’t go in. James stared at me a bit puzzled.

“What the hell are you talking about? You were never my sex toy, where did you get that idea from?”

“So, do you miss me?” He asked back and I went silent again. “Thought so…” With that he pushed me away and ran his key card, cracking the door open.

“So is it like that? You shot some questions, conclude and judge everything by yourself and assume you’re right?” James stretched an arm and pulled me inside with strength. He literally kicked the door shut and threw me against the couch and then pressed his body against mine, making my knees weak.

“Am I not right?” He whispered in my ear. “Tell me…” I closed my eyes as he ran his nose over my cheek and his hand tugged on my waist. The tip of his fingers digging under my top. He was breathing fast, his chest coming up and down against mine. My body was reacting to his that easily but I wasn’t there for that. I just wanted answers for my questions.

“You didn’t answer me.” I said firmly looking in his eyes. James grabbed my hand and placed it on his crotch. I felt him already hard, and even if I was so tempted to stroke him, I pulled my hand away.

“Is this what you want from me Nadia? Sex?” He put my hand back there again. “Because I can give you that.” I felt his voice shake in my ear as he spoke, but I also noticed rage, he was pissed off at me for some reason. I remained still, while he used my hand to rub himself. “I can give you all the sex you want.” He said. “I was expecting you to miss me…I don’t know…when I get close to you, I get like this, see?” He said rubbing my hand in him again. My body was heating. “And I fucking have to be with you around me the whole fucking day. Not once you tried to get close. Not once you tried to make me change my mind.” James moaned using my hand at his own will and service, but I raged inside and pushed him away.

“I missed you yes!” I admitted with tears flooding my eyes. “But try to feel rejected by someone and then tell me if you try to get close to that person again. And you’re being unfair, I never used you to forget Mark, though you knew he existed since the beginning and you knew all the time I was in love with him.” James put a hand in my mouth when he heard my last words.

“Get out.” He said quietly. “Go away Nadia.” I didn’t fight back. I turned on my high heels and went away has he asked.

We flew to Barcelona the next morning and since it was day off, I gave James the space he seemed to need and I confess I was still a bit pissed off at him, and at myself as I had been the one triggering the whole mess. At the airport he greeted me good morning and that was all I heard from him that day. Once in the city and with the bags delivered at the hotel, I went sightseeing with some crew members and had not seen James again until dinner, when we all reunited for the meal.

He seemed a little better, laughing and talking and I was a bit more relaxed myself, though I avoided his gaze or to look at him. That was a hard fight between my reason and my willingness to do so. Nonetheless, I managed to cope with it.

After dinner we all went near the pool for some drinks and easy chat, small private and quieter party that I didn’t mind that night. I just didn’t want music blasting in my ears and having to yell so I could be heard, and no alcohol.

James was on the other side of the pool talking to Kirk. One hand in his pocket and the other one holding a lemon juice with a funny hat on the glass. His laughter echoed in the space and I couldn’t avoid looking at him. I remained against the counter, with my strawberry juice, just watching him. All his gestures, his manner, his cute way of smiling and then joking. While Kirk talked to him, he looked in my direction and then he stared back at me, the smile on his lips vanished and I looked away, embarrassed he caught me looking at him. Then he left Kirk and walked towards me, placing himself by my side, with an elbow leaning at the counter.

I remained looking ahead and so did he, not even trying to make conversation. The silence was corroding me inside but I had my pride and I refused to be the one breaking it, but if he was there it was because he wanted to talk, or make me talk, who knew? Seeing I wasn’t going to say a word, James coughed, clearing his throat and I shuddered realizing he was going to break the silence and expectant with what he was going to say.

“I’m sorry.” He said surprising me. I looked at him meeting his blue eyes. “For yesterday…but you made too many questions…”

“It’s ok.” I said admitting to myself he was a bit right.

“Something changed…” He said but then his voice choked a bit. “Something in me changed. It wasn’t you ok? It was me, none of this is your fault. It was me.” I smiled.

“That’s such a cliché” I shot.

“It might be, but it’s the fucking truth.”

I looked at him again. “Did it ever fee for you like I was just there to forget about him? Did it ever occurred that I was there simply because I liked to be with you and it didn’t have anything to do with him?”

“Can we talk somewhere else?” He asked me. I agreed, the place was full of people and it wasn’t the right place to talk about an intimate subject, that only concerned me and him. James grabbed my hand and pulled me inside the bar. We sat on a couch, just the two of us, but under a rather curious Lars, looking from the outside.

“I think you judged this all wrong.” I said. “I can respect that you don’t want to be with me anymore, it’s ok. You don’t owe me anything and vice versa. I always knew this was going to end, this wasn’t a permanent thing, but accusing me the way you did makes me sad.”

“Even yesterday you admitted you were in love with him.” He said. He was quiet and calm and, amazingly, so was I.

“You always knew he existed! I never lied about that. So what’s the shock?” James just shook his head at my question. “So you expected me to go after you, after your reject me? It felt incredibly bad that you did so. You want one thing and show another? That’s not the right way…”

“I couldn’t go on with that.”

“But you could have come up to me and say it! I would have understand, it would be easier that way. You just left everything on fucking limbo, left me wondering and thinking about your reasons, which I don’t have the slightest clue of what these are. You could never expect me to go after you, even if I missed you.”

“Did you miss me?” He asked, almost pleading for my answer.

“Yes…I missed you…” I said in a whisper. James looked down at his feet, bouncing his legs up and down.

“Why?”

“Because even if we knew what we had, there was still something going on between us and it was hard to have you one way and then all of a sudden everything changed and I didn’t have you anymore. A little honestly wouldn’t hurt! You wanted to stop fine, but you should have told me. Fine…I don’t need to know the reasons, you don’t owe me an explanation. I give you that, but damn a little respect…I guess I deserved that. I was always honest and correct with you, and it was never about Mark.”

“Then what was it about?”

“It was about you! I liked being with you…”

“You liked being with me and you love him. Even yesterday you said you were in love with him.” He stated. I curled an eyebrow looking at him.

“I never said that. I said, you knew all the time I was in love with someone else, I didn’t say I was still in love with him.”

“And are you?” He asked me and I looked at him in disbelief.

“I have never been asked so many times that question!” I said a bit irritated.

“Answer me.” James asked. “Honestly, answer me honestly, are you still in love with him?”

“Why is that so important?”

“Because I need to know, alright? Do you still love him? Answer me damn it! Why is it so hard for you to say it now?”

“Because I don’t want to talk about him with you!” I exclaimed.

“WHY?” He raised his voice.

“I DON’T KNOW!” I raised my voice as well. “I don’t know…”

“You don’t know what?”

“I don’t know if I still love him…”

“See, it wasn’t that hard, was it?” James said getting up. “And obviously, you still do.” With that he left me alone and I just threw myself against the couch.

“I’m going to my bedroom, good night.” I heard him saying to Lars.

“What is happening?” Lars came in and sat by my side.

“I don’t know what’s happening…” I whispered.
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Some_Kind_Of_Monster
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☠ (R.I.P) † Return Is Possible †
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Like I said he has feelings for het :P

I want more!!! And I want him to go dirty :biggrin :drool

I like :biggrin :heart:
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Scorpion Flower
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Some_Kind_Of_Monster
March 10, 2012, 1:11 pm
And I want him to go dirty :biggrin :drool

He will... :lol:
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Shayniz21
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Poor Twisted Me
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i love this!!!
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

Oh, God! yes!! He does have feelings for her!! :P
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Scorpion Flower
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The next day I went to the beach with Lars and Connie to profit a bit of the summer and Barcelona beaches were amazing. The sea was bright blue and calm, and the water’s temperature was delightfully warm. James didn’t show up for breakfast or was anywhere to be found and as time passed by people began to comment his absence. It wasn’t normal, not if he was on tour alone, as it was the case, he’d always joined for his meals.

Though I was having a great time I could not ignore the fact that he wasn’t there. First I thought that it was ok, maybe he was just trying to avoid me, as we had that awkward conversation, but then I also knew that, despite that, he’d show up, maybe he would avoid talking to me, but he would show up. I felt something was not right and began to worry. I became a little distant, just letting the couple talk amongst themselves, distracted from the conversation and began to try to call James. I tried a couple of times, no answer and then I texted him, but he never texted back.

“Lars, did you see James this morning?” I asked putting my cell back in my beach bag.

“No, I told you I didn’t.” He said. I sat on my towel and looked at the sea, just thinking.

“Maybe he just wants some time alone.” Connie retorted. I looked at her.

“Yeah…” I said absently.

“Were you two fighting last night?” Lars asked.

“No, we were just talking. I am going to try to call him again, maybe something is wrong.” I said grabbing the cell again. Lars caught my hand and looked in my eyes.

“What’s the matter between you two?” He asked.

“Nothing.” I said firmly. Connie got up saying she was going to the shore, leaving the two of us alone.

“He asked me to make you his PA, I assume he wanted you to be around him.”

“Like I said before, because he was the only person I knew here, maybe he thought I would feel more comfortable that way.”

“Say that again without stuttering Nadia.” Lars smiled, making me laugh.

“I am telling the truth.”

“It’s none of my business but I know something else was going on. James is not the type of guy that makes special requests and he was very straight forward, he wanted that specific job for you. One can also notice some intimacy between you too.”

“Lars you know my story, you know why I came here.” I looked away and hope I didn’t stutter this time. It bothered me to talk about James, because it was not an easy situation, not for me or him.

Lars went silent and I took the chance to call James again, still no answer. “Ok…this is really weird, he usually answers the phone.” I said.

“Are you in love with him Nadia?” Lars asked and his question made me shudder. I had never been confronted with that matter, not even by myself, when I was deeply lost in my thoughts.

“No…” I said but the cell began to rang at the same time and I almost jumped seeing James’s name on my display. “Oh…It’s James…” I said before picking up the call. “James…” I said.

“Sorry. I was sleeping, I didn’t see your calls until now.” He told me. James sounded sleepy indeed, but he also sounded like he was in pain, and it wasn’t normal that he was still sleeping at 1pm.

“Are you alright? I was getting worried.” I said. “Is everything ok with you?”

“I am not feeling alright.” He said.

“What’s the matter James?” I asked and then began to walk a bit away from Lars, who was paying attention to my conversation, and somehow, I didn’t want to be heard. “Not alright psychologically or physically?”

“Physically…” He whispered.

“Oh…what are you feeling?”

“My body is aching a bit, so is my head.” He explained.

“Maybe you should see a doctor. I don’t know…you have a show tomorrow.”

“This will pass.”

“Look, I am going there to check on you ok?” I offered.

“Ok…” He sighed and then I hang up the phone. I grabbed my towel and put in inside my bag and then began to dress.

“Where are you going?” Lars asked me.

“James is not feeling alright, I am going to check on him, see if he needs anything.” I said.

“What does he have?”

“I don’t know…he says he is in pain. I’m going there. Tell Connie I had to leave, I can’t leave him alone if he’s not feeling alright.”

“Nadia…Nadia…” He said rolling his eyes.

“Look…don’t roll your eyes at me. I know what you’re thinking but you’re wrong. He’s here alone, while others have their families with them and if he is not feeling alright, then I can help him. He has helped me when I needed and he didn’t even know me, so now it is my turn to pay him the same way, even if he got me this job, I still owe him a lot.”

“So, it is gratitude?”

“Yeah…gratitude…” I said satisfied.

“Ok…if you need anything just call me.” Lars yelled when I was already leaving. I walked the fastest I could back to the hotel, not even bothering to stop by my room first, I went up straight to him.

James opened the door in sweaters and shirt, freshly showered. “Thanks for coming.” He said. His voice sounded low and quiet, usually he sounded like that but that day was even more notable and one could feel some pain in voice as well.

“How are you feeling?” I asked putting the bag hanged on my shoulder on the floor and then I sat by his side on the couch, pressing my hand on his forehead. “You are hot.” I said. James smiled at my remark and I smiled back at him. “I mean you are feverish.” I corrected myself.

“I know what you meant. I think I am. My back is hurting a lot…” He complained wincing a bit. I knew he had had surgery. James had told me all about his life during the time we had been spending together.

“But didn’t you have surgery? I mean…is it normal to hurt?”

“Sometimes it hurts…”

“I have some painkillers in my room. Want me to get you some?” He shook his head.

“I can’t take painkillers unless prescribed by a doctor remember?” I remembered how he had told me he had been addicted to these, so I just nodded.

“Then we need to go to a hospital.” I said getting up. “Let me just take a shower and change, then we’ll go.”

“You’re going with me?” He asked opening his eyes in surprise.

“Unless you want to go alone, but clearly you need go.” He shook his head.

“I’d like you to come with me.”

“I’ll be right back. Give me just 15 minutes.” I kissed his forehead in a caress and left to my room.

Twenty minutes later we were leaving towards the nearest hospital. I sat on the back of the van by his side while the driver drove us around the packed streets of Barcelona. I instructed him to wait for us to come back at the door of the hospital and then went with James inside. It didn’t take long until he was called and I remained outside waiting for him. I entertained myself looking at some magazines, just the photos, since they were all written in Spanish. I waited for quite some time, then tired of the magazines I began to watch TV, Spanish show as well.

“Damn…” I muttered a bit impatient, then James appeared.

“So?” I asked a bit anxious.

“I need to rest today if I want to do the show tomorrow, he also gave me these…” He said showing me a bottle of pills. “So I think I’ll be fine.”

“And you can take those?”

“He said I could. Let’s go back, I want to go to my room.” He said.

“Thanks for coming with me.” He said on our way back. James grabbed my hand and kissed it and if as that hadn’t been enough to make my heart race, he entwined his fingers in mine, not letting me go. I looked outside uncomfortably not knowing what to do, I felt my face flush a little of embarrassment, and I didn’t know how to take my hand away, nor if I wanted to take it away. I just knew that wasn’t supposed to be, but he let it go after a while and I rested it on my lap.

Once in the room I pulled the covers of his bed away. “Ok James…bed.” I ordered and he frowned. “The doctor said you need to rest, so come on.” I said. He sat on the bed taking his Converse All Star off his feet and then pulled his pillow against the bed so he could sit. I pulled the covers over him again and bent over him, kissing his cheek.

“I’ll be back in a couple of hours, now I’ll just leave you resting.” James grabbed both my hands in his.

“Don’t go, stay here with me. Let’s talk a bit.” He pleaded. I nodded and sat on the bed feeling the mattress sinking under me. James winced and I knew he was still in pain. “I’ll be right back.”

I got up again and went to the bathroom. I opened the water in the tub and let the water get really hot, then grabbed a towel and soaked it, letting it get warm as well. Finally I took the excess of water off it and folded it in four, coming back to the room after.

“Take off your shirt.” I said. James looked at me inquisitively but I said no more and he did what I asked. “Now lay down and turn around. Trust me..” I said. James lay down on his stomach with his arms siding his head and I placed the hot towel on the back of his shoulder and near his neck, where I knew it was hurting. He moaned.

“That feels nice.” He let me know.

“I know…” I said watching him with his eyes closed and relaxing. I wanted to pamper his hair but I refrained and Lars’s question at the beach popped up in my head that moment. It’s gratitude… I whispered silently. Then I pressed my palm against his face. “You’re not feverish now.”

“They gave me something for it.” He said sounding distant and after a while he fell asleep. I took the towel away and pulled the covers over his back, letting him sleep that way. I ran a hand over his hair there, and watched him for a few seconds. He looked calm and peaceful and then I took that time to eat, as I hadn’t eat anything and to arrange some stuff in my room. I left the “do not disturb” sign on his door, just in case, so he could rest for real.

I was reading a book on the couch when my cell rang. I didn’t know that number. “Hello?” I said reluctantly.

“Nadia?” I heard on the other end and instantly my heart began to race franticly, even my palms began to sweat.

“Mark?” I asked to be sure, my voice trembled. I wasn’t counting on that.

“Can we talk please?”

“I’m in Spain.” I said still surprised.

“I know…” I heard a sigh. “I miss you Nadia…I miss you so much.” Then he shut up, probably waiting for me to say something but I was still dazed and trying to process it in my mind. “I wanna go back to you, please. I realized how much I love you.”

“Now? Only now?” I asked him.

“I’m so sorry babe. I really am. Please you have to give us another chance. When are you coming back?”

“I don’t know.”

“Promise you’ll talk to me when you come back?”

“Yeah…we’ll talk…” I said, and we talked for a couple more minutes until a knock on the door made me say goodbye. I opened it with my hands trembling. It was Lars.

“What happened? Why are you so nervous?” He asked coming in.

“Mark just called me.” I said.

“Mark? You ex?” I nodded. “What for?”

“He wants to go back to me…” I shook my head confused. “Something like that. Did you come here to know about James?” I changed the subject immediately. Lars nodded. “I left him sleeping. It was his back you know, but he was also a bit feverish, but we went to the hospital, so he should be fine.” I looked like a robot speaking, sure Mark’s call made me crumble a bit. It shook me.

“So, are you going back to him?” Lars asked him.

“He needs me.” I said grabbing my cell and putting it in the pocket of my jeans, then I walked to the door and Lars followed me, looking at me a bit lost in the conversation.

“Mark needs you?” He asked.

“No…James needs me. I need to go to him now.” I said. I closed the door and walked up to his room, while I could feel Lars still looking at me.

“Nadia…” Lars called me and I looked back just before I knocked at James’s door.

“Take care of him.” He said. I shot him a faded smile and nodded, then I knocked.

James opened the door and I could see he was having dinner, so I sat at the table with him. “How are you feeling now?” I asked him.

“A bit better.” Then he stared at my face. “But you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Mark called me.” I said. I got in there determined not to tell him anything about it, but then when he asked I just couldn’t keep it inside, like I owe him the truth. James looked down at his plate and played with his food for a while.

“What did he say?” He asked, his chest coming up and down slowly as he breathed, his eyes no longer on me but on the plate and still playing with his food.

“He said he missed me, that we needed to talk. He says he wants me back”

“Oh…” James blurted, then he looked in my face again. “And you?”

I shrugged. “I didn’t know what to tell him. “Now let’s leave this subject here. Are you feverish?” I asked taking a hand to his face but he pulled his face away avoiding my touch.

“I am fine.” He said. I pulled my hand away and watched as he ate and no more words were shared, until the phone of the hotel room rang. “Can you get that for me please?” His tone had changed, he was dry and even a bit cold. I did as he asked, after all he was my boss.

“Hello?” I answered the call and heard the receptionist giving me the message. My heart raced, just as much as when I heard Mark’s voice on the phone, my legs trembled a bit and my palms began to sweat again. “Ok…put her through…” I said, and then extended the phone at James. Our gaze locked. “It’s your wife.” I said with shaking voice. He grabbed the phone and put it in his ear, our gaze still locked.

“Francesca…hi…” He said and then I looked away and turned my back on him. Feeling that wasn’t enough I walked out to his balcony and contemplated the sea, while my eyes flooded with tears. I raged.
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Some_Kind_Of_Monster
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:gah

More!!!!! :heart:

Mark guess what? FUCK OFF!!! :bat

This is nice!!!! :biggrin
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cmania
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Frantic
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:rolleyes:
mark mark litlle boy
:angry GET THE F*CK OUT !!!
:rolleyes: :heart: HIHI
luv ya :heart:
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Nah Bruno
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Poor Twisted Me
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I like very much what you have here!!!! Can't wait for more! :tu: :horns2
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

:drool Taking care of James... :drool

Loved her reaction when she heard Fran's voice. I can imagine what she feels.

For sure mark shook her ground with that call. I hope she doesn't give in.
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