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At Tragic Heights; NEW! James/OFC short story...sequel to Firewalking and HYBTB
Topic Started: March 8, 2012, 3:23 pm (8,490 Views)
Lilith
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Jaimelicious

She is being hard, but I get her. Sign the fucking papers James! ;_;
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
James didn’t call nor did he text. Days went by, even weeks and nothing. I assumed he had made his decision, his silence and absence showed me that and my heart ached like never before.

I shut down to the world. I didn’t take any calls, I didn’t go out at the street, except for my morning jogging, I didn’t watch TV, I barely eat and cried all the time. Depression took care of me, I missed James incredibly, tremendously, like I have never missed anyone in the world and though I had felt tempted to call him many times, I always resisted to do so.

It wasn’t until the forth week that I had another big wake up call. I got up and felt really sick, like I had been feeling for the past two weeks but I knew something was wrong, I just refused to accept it. It would be too wrong if my suspicious were right, and too scary as well.

I left that morning to run, just as usual but I had to stop as I felt dizzy and almost felt like I was going to faint. From there I went to a pharmacy and bought the test. My breasts had been feeling sore and I noticed they were bigger too. With shaken legs and hands and tears in my eyes, I took the test home and peed on it. While waiting I prayed to God to give me the answer I wanted but then I looked down at it and two traces were showing. I kneeled on the floor. I was alone, unemployed and pregnant. Things couldn’t be worse.

“Oh fuck…” I sobbed. “No…this can’t be…no…”

Suddenly a knock on my door made me raise from the floor. Friends had been trying to reach me but I refused to talk and let anyone inside my house, not even Diana.

“Na! I know you’re in there…open the door.” I heard Mark’s voice on the outside. “Open the door. I will stay here until you open the fucking door.”

I sat on the couch and curled up, holding onto my legs. Mark punched the door violently, making the whole apartment shake and yelled at me to open it. I thought he’d give up, but he didn’t. I can safely tell that he knocked on my door for half an hour, then I got up and went to open it.

“Look at you!” He exclaimed. “You look so thin Na.”

“What do you want? Leave me alone.” I asked, but Mark ignored my words and came inside. I closed the door surrendering and my shoulders began to shake and I cried again.

“Oh Na….it’s so hard for me to see you like this.” Mark grabbed my hand and pulled me to sit on my couch. “You haven’t seen anyone or even talked. All your friends are so worried, you don’t even pick up our calls.”

“I don’t want to see anyone or talk.” I said.

“Why not? Look…I know what happened…you shouldn’t close yourself the way you’re doing. You’re not even eating, I can tell…”

“I miss him…” I blurted not caring it was Mark I was talking too. “I miss him so much and now everything is fucked up, so fucked up.”

“He divorced Na!” Mark exclaimed and I looked at him surprised. “You closed yourself in such way that you don’t even see the news or read newspapers. He divorced, it hit the news.”

“He did?”

“Yes, he did.” Mark reassured me. James had divorced either way and I felt so stupid that moment for not trusting him when he asked me to.

“It doesn’t matter now. He didn’t call or say anything, guess he doesn’t want me. Not now anyway, he wouldn’t.”

“What do you mean?” Mark asked me.

“I’m pregnant.” I said. “I’m pregnant…” I repeated as sobs attacked me again.

“How did that happen?”

“We had sex. How do you think it happened?”

“That’s not what I meant. I know you were on pills Na, at least when you were with me you were on pills.”

“And I was. With the rush of the tour and crazy schedules I forgot to take it. I retook it right after I saw my mistake but apparently it was too late.” I regretted so much that moment my foolish mistake. I should have worn a condom.

“He didn’t wear anything?” I shook my head.

“I didn’t tell him.” I confessed.

“Na! You were unprotected and you didn’t tell him? Man…” Mark ran a hand over his hair. “How could you do something like that?”

“I didn’t think I would get pregnant ok? I should know better, I am not a kid anymore.”

“You have to tell him.”

“There’s no way I am going to tell him. No…” I shook my head franticly.

“It’s his kid Na, he has the right to know.”

“Trust me, last thing he wants to know is that I am expecting his kid. He made it very clear that he didn’t want to have kids, and I understand him. He has three, already grown up, why would he cope now with a baby?”

“Still Na…he has the right to know he’s having a kid.”

“I am not having this baby! Are you out of your mind? I am going to terminate this pregnancy, so he doesn’t have to know about it, because this baby will not exist. Man…why? Why do these things happen to me? Like missing him so much the way I am wasn’t enough to break me…”

“Even if you’re going to terminate the pregnancy he has the right to know. Maybe you’re wrong, maybe he’ll change his mind about it and wants it.”

“And what? I am going to have this baby alone? No…I don’t want to have it. I am not going to give him this nightmare for nothing. If I end this pregnancy it’s like it never happened so he doesn’t have to know.”

“You need to see a doctor Na. You’re so thin.” Mark looked at me tenderly and grabbed a strand of my black hair in his fingers.

“I will see a doctor, don’t worry. It’s not like I am going to this by myself.”

“Are you sure about your decision?”

“Mark, yes…I am quite sure. I suspected, I was late, I was vomiting in the morning but the idea was too horrendous to accept it, so I let the time pass but today I felt dizzy when I was running and I knew I had to make the test. It hit me badly, but I am sure I don’t want to have this baby. I don’t want to.”

“Think about it. It’s a baby…” He smiled tenderly and that moment I regretted so much I wasn’t in love with him anymore. It was so much easier to love him than to love James.

“It’s a baby that the father doesn’t want and that the parents aren’t even together, not even talking. No…I don’t want to have it. I know he’d ask me to take it off so I won’t bother him.”

“It’s your body, so it’s your decision. I can go with you if you want. Just don’t go there alone.

“It’s ok. I’ll ask Diana to go with me.”

The next day I went to see a doctor. I was determined to do it, there was no way I was going to go through that alone. I entered the doctor’s office shaking and she thought I wanted to make my first pregnancy appointment.

“No…” I shook my had nervously. “I want to terminate the pregnancy.

“Are you sure dear? I mean…it’s a baby.”

“I am not in a relationship. This baby’s father and I are not together, he doesn’t even know that I am pregnant. Would you have a baby under such circumstances?” I explained.

“Well, then maybe you should talk to the father, maybe he’s ok with having it.”

“He’s not.” I affirmed. “I know for sure he is not. He’s said he didn’t want to have kids, he’s already a father of three. Please…I need to terminate this pregnancy.” I almost begged her.

“There are single mothers.” She argued.

“Would you like to have a baby on your own?”

“I have one.” She disarmed me. “It wasn’t easy, I had to take his father to court so he’d recognize him, but it’s doable and now my son is the most precious thing I have in my life. Think about it.”

“I would be out of my mind if I thought about taking this baby’s father to court. No…look…he never lied to me. He was always honest, he said he didn’t want babies and I truly believe him and besides, this was my mistake, he’s innocent in this.”

“You didn’t make that baby alone. Look, I am going to do the procedure and if in the end you still want to terminate this pregnancy then will set an appointment and I’ll do it myself.” I nodded.

When I heard the heart beat of the baby I wished I had never agreed with her proposal, because I got touched by it. Then she told me I was six weeks pregnant and scanned my belly and I saw the tiny dot inside of me. It didn’t have the form of a baby, to me it was just a dot but having heard the heart beat before was clouding all the vision I had before. There was a life inside of me.

I shook all the thoughts away. “I still want to terminate it. I am sorry.” I said not able to look into her eyes. She raided her agenda and then looked at me.

“Come here tomorrow at 10 am then. Like I promised I’ll do it. We will sedate you, so you won’t see a thing and you can come back home after two hours, then you need to rest. Go home and think about it, until tomorrow you still have time to change your mind. Just think about it.”

“I thought about it, I want to do it.”

“Don’t come alone ok? You can’t drive after the procedure.” The doctor informed. I was scared as hell.

“I won’t, a friend is coming with me, I already talked to her.”

“See you tomorrow then and don’t worry everything is going to be alright.”

Would it? I came back home with the heart beat of my kid echoing loud in my mind. The determination became a doubt. Could I just end the life I had growing inside of me? Could I force James to accept this kid by taking him to court?

Alone, I decided I couldn’t. My decision was taken and the next day would be a new day. At least this nightmare would be over and then I just had to force myself to forget him and forbid my heart to love him.
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Some_Kind_Of_Monster
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☠ (R.I.P) † Return Is Possible †
[ * ]
No!!!
Never ever made the decision on your own, on less you're sure he will never find out!!!! :rolleyes:
She needs to tell him, he has kids. I'm sure he wouldn't do...you know like planned baby, he said he doesn't want more kids, but he knows how beautiful a new life is...fuck c'mon. Don't kill little Hetfield :P
I want her with belly :biggrin
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Shayniz21
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Poor Twisted Me
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Ugh this is killing me, I cant wait until the next update!!! More please!!!!
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Nah Bruno
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Poor Twisted Me
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I loved this chapter. It touched me in many ways, it's such a sensitive matter to me :tu: :heart:
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HannahBanana
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Poor Twisted Me
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She can not do James like that... or their baby! :angry :lol:
Is the crazy? I think she needs to tell him stat...

I'm loving this story more and more :heart:
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
The next day, early in the morning, Diana drove me to the clinic. I made my way there rather silent. Voices in my head driving me mad, insane. A million thoughts running through my mind, doubts echoing inside of me.

“You’re doing the right thing Nadia.” Diana spat suddenly like letting me know she could read my thoughts.

“Then why doesn’t it feel right?” I said turning my head to look at her.

“You’re alone, unemployed Nadia…he doesn’t want this kid, you know that…”

“But it’s a life I have inside of me, it’s my kid, my baby…”

“Yes, but it’s not only your kid. That baby has a father and he doesn’t want it, you’re not even together. What would you do? Have this baby alone? What about when he grows up and asks about the dad, what would you say?”

“Many kids grow up without a father.” I argued. Suddenly I found myself finding excuses and my doubts grew stronger. A thought was forming inside of me.

“Jesus!” Diana exclaimed. “And would you have a kid without telling James he had one?”

“What if….it’s not like he would care and would find out.”

“No…you can’t be saying that! Are you out of your mind? Look…I don’t want to look like I don’t support you, I do, whatever your decision is. Just don’t forget that if you decide to have this baby you just have two options, one you have the kid alone and don’t tell anyone who the father is, which is so wrong, or you have this kid and you have to tell him. Imagine his reaction…”

For a moment I stayed silent imagining James’s reaction. It had been four weeks since we last spoke on the phone, since then he never, not even once, tried to reach me. How would he react if I tell him I was pregnant? Would he even believe the baby was his?

“You’re right…” I whispered, and with that I was certain again that abortion was the right thing to do, for the sake of all of us. “He divorced and I didn’t believe him when he said he would.” I said then randomly.

“I told you maybe you were being just impulsive Nadia. He must be really hurt. You should have trust him, he did that when you asked trust from him, or sort of, but he didn’t abandoned the ship. You simply left not even giving him the benefit of the doubt.”

“I fucked up badly.” I concluded. If only time could go back…

When I got to the clinic, I was received by the doctor. She took me inside right away and began to prepare me. First, I disposed of all my clothes and dressed just in a green gown, then she began to explain all the procedure and again, while being lay on that bed, my doubts began to run inside my head. I wasn’t even listening, the doctor’s voice was so distant and the only thing I could hear was the heart beat of the baby beating so loud and this voice yelling “It’s your baby.”

“Nadia…” The doctor called me yanking me off my thoughts. “We’re going to sedate you now, you’ll fall asleep.”

“No.” I said. The doctor looked at me and motioned a hand for the nurse to stop. “I can’t do this, I am sorry. I don’t want to do this, I want my baby.”

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“Yes, please, I can go back on my word right? Yesterday you said I could.”

“Of course you can.”

After checking me properly one more time and prescribing me some medicines I was free to go. Diana’s eyes went wide open when she saw me coming back to the room so soon.

“I didn’t do it.” I told her, even afraid I would disappointing her.

“My god…” She whispered almost shocked, but then she came to hold me. “You’re crazy my friend.”

“Just take me home.” I asked her.

At my house I sat on the couch and Diana joined me.

“Do you know what you’re going to do? I mean, you have to tell him Nadia. It’s not right to have his kid and he doesn’t know about it.”

“I am gonna tell him. He’ll not care about it but the least I told him.”

“Are you sure of this? Do you know the war you’re buying?” Diana patted my hand in support, I just nodded my head. “You know how guys are when they don’t want a kid and he’ll not be different.”

“I don’t care. I just want him to know he has another child around, then it’s up to him if he wants to be part of this baby’s life or not, then it’s his conscience. I did what I had to do. I know I am guilty of this…”

“What if he doesn’t want to be part of the baby’s life?” Diana confronted me.

“Then I can love the baby for both of us. I have enough love to give. I’d tell him, if he chooses not to be around then it’s his problem, not mine. I just don’t want him to accuse me some day that he didn’t know, he will know since the beginning.”

“You thought about all this…” She said.

“Since last night. After hearing the baby’s heart beating everything became harder to decide. I didn’t want it, but damn it, it’s here and it’s an innocent little thing that it’s not to blame for its parent’s mistakes.”

“When are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know…” That was my big problem. I could have had it all figured out, but I didn’t know when or how to tell him.

“You have to eat now Nadia. It’s not just you now…” I smiled at her, first time I smiled in weeks.

“I will take care of my kid really well, don’t worry.”

“I see hard times coming for you too.”

“I also know that.” I nodded. James wouldn’t be an easy task, I was sure of that.

Diana kept me company during the day, leaving just to have dinner at her parents. I cooked for myself as well, first real meal in weeks and had it near the balcony. While eating alone I thought about a way to tell James the news but then concluded there was a not a best way to tell him, that I just had to tell him and that would be it, and then I cringed imagining his reaction.

“This is going to be horrible.” I spoke to myself.

After dinner I did the dishes and tried to watch some TV, also first time I turned my TV on since I had been back home, it’s incredible how a new problem makes you almost forget the old one, though mine were related. I zapped through the channels and then just left it randomly on some song contest, not really caring about it. My mind was occupied with the words I had to tell.

“God…” I rubbed my face in my hands. “I just have to tell him! There’s not a better way to say hey James, guess what? I am pregnant and you’re the father. Christ…” I groaned. “I am talking to myself.”

In a rant I grabbed my cell and looked for his number. The deed had to be done and the sooner the better. I knew I could wait a few more days and that I was being impulsive again, because I wasn’t ready to talk to him, but to him it wouldn’t matter, the news would be shocking anyway. The cell rang on the other end and my heart skipped a beat. I felt it beating in my throat and my hands began to sweat.

“Hello.” I heard him saying and I opened my mouth to respond but no sound came out of it. “Hello?” He said again and then I just hung up.

“Shit!” I complained.

Suddenly my cell rang in my hands making me jump. James’s name flashing on the display and I thought about not getting it but then I pressed the green button.

“Hi.” I said gulping at the same time.

“You called me.” He said monochord.

“We need to talk.” I said straight away, there was no use not to be straight forward.

“Then talk.” He said bitterly.

“I don’t wanna talk on the phone.”

“I don’t want to see you, so if you want to tell me something just say it.”

I closed my eyes in despair. “It’s not a subject to talk on the phone James. Would you rather come down here or do you prefer if I go there? I am serious…”

He went silent for a while. “What can be so important?”

“James…are you coming here or do you want me to go there?” I insisted.

“What the fuck can you possibly have to tell me? Nadia…I think I am making myself pretty clear here. I am not interested in anything you might have to tell me, anything, so I am not going there nor are you coming here because I won’t see you. Got me?” His tone was raising.

“I am pregnant.” I shot not caring his reaction anymore. The phone went dead, but because he was just silent, probably shocked, I could hear his heavy breathing.

“W-what?” He stuttered.

“I am pregnant, so yes we need to talk.”

“That’s none of my business.” He argued. My eyes watered.

“Well, it’s your baby, so it’s your business. Are you coming here or do you want me to go up there? I think we need to talk personally and not just discuss this on the phone.”

“My baby?” I heard his sarcastic laugh. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“James, I am serious. Look, if you don’t want to talk then we don’t, I just thought you should know about this. I am pregnant, it’s yours and I am having this kid.”

Last thing I heard was the beep of ending call. He hung up on my face.
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Some_Kind_Of_Monster
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:nanner: She will have a baby!!!

I'm sure everything will be okay :biggrin
Although he acts like a duck ge has a right to do so :rolleyes:

More :heart:
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

:o Oh. My. God.

I wasn't expecting this reaction from him!! ;_;
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Scorpion Flower
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[ * ]
“So he hasn’t said a word since then?” Diana asked me while we walked along the beach, that was the sole exercise I could do since I was 8 weeks pregnant.

“No.” I simply said shaking my head. “It’s been two weeks and nothing. Not a word about it since I called him.”

“For what you told me he seemed like he didn’t believe it was his.”

“I know…” I breathed deeply. “And that hurts a lot…I didn’t expect him to take the news well, I didn’t expect him to come running to me. I mean… it’s hard to take the news when you expressed so well you didn’t want to have anymore kids and then your ex girlfriend or whatever I was to him comes and tells you that she’s pregnant…”

“Still Nadia, he should have said something by now.” Diana commented.

“He just hung up the phone on my face and that was it. I mean…he knows now, so my deed here is done. I just wanted him to know, if he doesn’t want to be part of it then it’s his problem. I can understand his head is a mess but I also expected a little bit more of respect, I expected him to ask questions, explanations…I don’t know…but I expected something and he did nothing… he just shut up, disappeared…”

“And are you ok?” We stopped walking as she asked me that question, I offered her a smile.

“I am. Don’t know how, but I am ok. I wished this was all different, the least, that we just separated and that was it. This pregnancy happened making things a lot worse, I have a piece of him inside of me and it hurts to know he doesn’t care, not for me…no…but the baby…even if he didn’t want it, it’s his…”

“I understand what mean.” Diana smiled back at me.

“You do?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “The least you expected him to still care about his kid.”

“It’s his baby after all…”

“Give him some time, maybe he just needs time to process it in his mind.” I nodded and we continued or walking. The end of the afternoon was warm and the sun was setting on the sea giving the sky that orange color anticipating another hot day to come.

I came back home walking alone as Diana was closer to her house. My conversation with her made me relive my conversation with James over the phone two weeks before and his sarcastic laugh echoed inside my head, it was so obvious he doubted my word and that was for real what triggered my resentment inside. I had already learned to love that baby and it cost me horrors to know he was just ignoring it, but then the baby was inside of me and not inside of him and I guessed that made things a lot different.

“Hi Simon.” I tapped my neighbor’s dog head while I climbed to my apartment on the first floor.

“There’s someone at your door.” Ray told me and I curled an eyebrow at him, then rushed upstairs, to find a familiar figure standing at my door. My heart skipped a beat as he looked deeply into me eyes with his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans.

“Hi.” I said almost choking.

“I think we need to talk.” James told me in a low tone. I could feel him insecure as well, so I just nodded and he strayed while I put the key in my locker. My hands were shaking a bit, so it took me a while to be able to turn the key and the moment I did it, I opened the door and motioned my head at him so he could get in.

James got inside without looking at me and still I felt him really nervous. Forgetting about being polite and offer him something to drink, I just guided him to the couch and told him to sit. I sat on a chair right in front of him and we looked at each other in silence.

“Look…” I said trying to begin the conversation as I was feeling really uncomfortable. “I know you must have a lot of questions…” He raised a hand as telling me to stop and I did so. His eyes met mine coldly.

“You called me to tell me you were pregnant.”

“And that was two weeks ago.” I accused.

“How did that happen?” He asked, and his tone then showed me he wasn’t there to listen to me but to make accusations.

“I forgot to take the pills…” I told him the truth.

“And you didn’t tell me? You let me have unprotected sex with you? What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I thought this wouldn’t happen ok! I thought it would be alright, I was naïve!” I raised my tone. “This is not an excuse and I am not asking anything from you, I just wanted you to know, that’s all.”

“What are you 15? You’re older than that, you should know something like this could happen! I made myself pretty clear that I didn’t want to have anymore kids…”

“I just thought that since I decided to have the baby, you should know about it.” I said. I felt my eyes watering not standing his accusation look and I got up, looking out at the window so he wouldn’t notice my crying eyes.

“What for?” He asked getting up too. “What for Nadia? For all that I know, I am not even sure this child is mine!” His words carved in my heart painfully. So it was true, he didn’t believe I was pregnant from him.

I turned around not caring my tears. “Do you really think I would call you to tell you something like this if this baby wasn’t yours? Is that what you think of me? I am 8 weeks pregnant, we have been separated for 6 weeks. It’s yours! I don’t have any doubts even more because while I was with you I wasn’t with anyone else and even after I came here, if it was the case, I haven’t been with anyone else but you, so yes it’s yours. You might not like the idea, might not be happy about it but it’s yours. It’s fucking yours.”

“How do I even know you’re pregnant for real?” Another stab in my heart. I raised my shirt.

“You know my body, was this lump here before? His eyes fell on my belly and he stared. “Was it James? You’re hurting me deeply…is that why you came here? To say the baby isn’t yours or tell me that you don’t believe that I am pregnant?”

“What do you want from me?” He defied me. “What the fuck do you want from me?”

“NOTHING!” I yelled. “I said I don’t want anything from you.”

James began to shake his head fast, his jaw clenched. “You left me and now you call telling me you’re pregnant, what do you want me to think?”

“Just don’t think!” I asked. “Don’t think…because you’re thinking wrong. You think I am lying to you. Do you think I would lie about something like this? I am pregnant for real. I have all the sonograms with me, wanna see it? They have my name in it.”

“I don’t want to see a thing!” He yelled at me. “I don’t want to have this kid, you have to terminate this pregnancy.”

“I just told you that I don’t want to. To tell you the truth, I thought about it. That was my decision when I found out, but then…then…I heard the heartbeat and it woke me up to the fact that I have a life inside of me and I didn’t do it. It’s ok…I have enough love to give, I just thought that you should know about it that’s all. You don’t want it, it’s your problem not mine. I am already in love with this baby, I feel like a mother and I have been a mother to it. I am very careful with everything I do. No…I won’t terminate this pregnancy because I want to have this baby. I want to live motherhood.”

“Is it money that you want?”

“I should tell you to leave my house right now.” I told him. “But just because you are so lost, I just tell you that you can shove your money up your ass.”

“Don’t buy this war Nadia…” He menaced.

“Or what?” I confronted him.

“Don’t dare me.”

I shook my head. “Did you come here just to tell me that? Did you come here to tell me you don’t care? You could have stayed home then, because I knew that. Your silence for the past two weeks showed me that, you didn’t have to come here…” I stopped because I choked in my tears. “It’s ok if you don’t want to give this baby love, I have love enough for him…but you could show a little bit more of respect for me. You were with me, you claimed you loved me and now you’re here just treating me like I am no one, like I am a gold digger. Did I ever tell you that I wanted anything from you? Did I tell you that you’d have to support me? I have my pride…I would never accept a penny from you. We’ll survive without you, and that was always my goal. I don’t want to have you in our lives, and now even more…”

“You hurt me!” He yelled again tapping with a hand on his chest. “Why the fuck didn’t you believe me?”

“You’re right, I should have believed you but I didn’t, I did another mistake but that doesn’t excuse you from the things you just told me. You have all the right to be hurt but you don’t have the right to treat me that bad, to doubt my word, to accuse me of being pregnant of another man when I told you it was yours. You don’t have the right to do that. Go away.” I pointed at the door.

“You can’t have that baby.” He said low. I looked at him again.

“So you know it’s yours…” I said. “Because if you didn’t you wouldn’t ask me that. You know it’s yours and still you chose to tell me nasty things. I am having the baby. I think I also made myself really clear that I wanted to have it. It’s not up to you to decide, it’s up to me. It’s my body and my baby. I am the one who loves it, so I am the one who decides and this baby is gonna be born and loved and we won’t need a little thing from you.” I felt dizzy all of a sudden and sat on the couch.

“Are you ok?” He asked lowering himself in front of me. I didn’t answer waiting for my dizziness to disappear. James took a hand to my hair. I slapped his hand away violently.

“Don’t fucking touch me. You’re not allowed to touch me.” I hissed. He remained silent swallowing his pride not to respond to my slap, but I could see his eyes sparkling with rage. “What do you care?”

“You are blackmailing me Nadia.”

“I am not!” I yelled again. “I would be blackmailing you if I’d tell you I wanted things from you and I don’t want anything, you hear me? I don’t want anything…” My shoulders shook and I began to sob. His hand raised again to caress me but I strayed before he touched me.

I cleaned my tears and sniffed to try to subside my crying. “I am freeing you of all of this, can’t you see? You’re free to go, to live your life the way you want to.”

“And how am I supposed to do that?”

“That’s your problem not mine, my problem now is another. You know this baby exists, you decide whatever you want. Like I said you’re free…”

“And what are you gonna tell him or her when it asks about the father?”

“The truth.” I said. “I’ll tell the truth.”

“Do you think it’s fair for me to know I have a kid here in LA?”

“And do you think it’s fair to ask me to get rid of the baby I have inside of me?” I argued. “Is it fair to tell me it isn’t yours? Was it easier for you to think that way? I know you don’t want it…I know I can’t force you to love the baby…so you’re free to do whatever you want. None of us will be going after you, you can be sure of that. I know you won’t be able to love him or her, I don’t blame you…”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this.” He shook his head again and got up. I got up too and walked up to the door, cracking it open.

“Now go.” I told him. James walked out of the door and our gaze met. “A DNA test will prove to you that I am not lying.” I added. “It’s yours…”

He turned around in silence and walked away. I closed the door and crashed against it crying once more.
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Tallulah
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Bad Seed
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I feel sad for her, but at the same time, I REALLY don't like her. I completely understand how James feels. To him, it is blackmail, and she is not considerate to his feelings (though, he is not considerate either--they are toxic for each other).
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
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Tallulah
March 27, 2012, 7:13 am
they are toxic for each other.
Couldn't agree more. :P They are!
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Some_Kind_Of_Monster
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☠ (R.I.P) † Return Is Possible †
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I'm waiting for more.
Somehow ot feels strange how cold he could get, he said he is in love with her, it looks like he was lying :rolleyes:
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

lool Finally! A fic where the guy acts like a guy! :rolleyes: Of course James would be resented and suspicious! Having his baby is like having a nuclear weapon against him. And she has proved not to care for his feelings before.

But of course we know she is not like that, but she certainly is blind to how she has been portraying herself to his eyes.
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
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Trying to find a job and being pregnant wasn’t an easy task at all, no one hires you. After a couple of months, I ran out of money, the one I had made while touring with Metallica, and my parents were the ones supporting me. I took the help, I needed it, though I wasn’t pleased with the situation at all.

I told my parents the whole truth. Explained who the father was, and why he wasn’t present, even explaining why he wasn’t present at all. At first they raged but then they understood my reasons and my mother even got sympathetic with James’s situation, though she didn’t agree with the fact that he had chosen to stay away from the baby’s life. We took it that way because since the visit to my apartment, he never showed up again, never called to see how things were doing. For what I knew he didn’t even know I was having a baby girl, that I decided to call Mara.

So as I said, my parents began to support me when my money went short, with my mother visiting me in LA quiet often as the pregnancy evolved. Lars and Connie were also very supportive. Lars was the one coming and going quite often too, seeing how I was doing and I wondered if James ever asked about us but I never ventured to ask him.

“I think you should take the offer Nadia.” Lars told me in one of his visits. “You need the money, your daughter will be here in a few months and hospitals cost money. You don’t have a job here and I am telling you that a friend of mine is willing to let you work for him. It’s a nice place, he’s a well known lawyer in San Francisco and he’ll pay you well.”

“It’s in San Francisco!” I retorted.

“And? Do you have anything here?” Connie said. My mother looked at me agreeing with them, I could read the look in her eyes.

“It’s not that…” I breathed.

“You’re afraid to see him?” Lars asked me.

“It’s quiet possible and I don’t want to see him. I don’t want him to think that I moved up there to pressure him or anything.”

“It’s a job Nadia.” My mother insisted.

“And where am I going to live? Guys…” I tried to call for their reason.

“That’s not a problem…” Lars added. “I have an apartment there that I don’t use at all, you can stay there, I don’t even want the rent.” I curled an eyebrow suspiciously.

“So, you came here to offer me a job and a house?”

“The job it’s not my offer. I talked to him, well asked if he could help me and explained your situation, well not everything…but anyway, he said he could use a secretary since the one he had left. The house, well…it’s my treat, but I think you could use the help.”

“Take the offer Nadia.” Connie told me. “You don’t have anything here right now and there, you have us, a job waiting for you and a house. Your daughter needs stability, and a baby costs money…”

“I know all that. I just don’t think it’s a good idea to go there.”

“Look…I think that sooner or later you two have to talk. Come on…it’s not like nothing is happening, on the opposite, something big is happening, you’re having a child together, that’s something big. He can’t ignore all the time that he has one with you and you can’t pretend he doesn’t exist the whole time. Despite that, and since none of you are talking to each other, I think this is a great opportunity.” Lars said.

I knew they were right, at every point, but going to San Francisco and take the chance to run up into James scared me. I was still hurt, I was still in love with him.

“I’ll think about it.” I said.

“I think you should.” Lars patted my hand.

“He never asked about us?” I asked him.

“No.” Lars told me. My heart ached, mostly because of my baby girl. She deserved a father who cared. I looked down at my feet feeling my eyes flooding and Lars squeezed my hand.

“Nadia, if he asked he’d ask me not to tell you, so my answer would still be no.” Lars added. “I think you two should talk, honestly. It’s not like he’s all happy up there, I can see he’s hurting, he’s also struggling but I know this is corroding him inside.”

“I just care about my daughter.” I said coldly. Sometimes I hated James, sometimes I loved him deeply. I was always torn between love and hate with him.

Soon they left, leaving me alone with my mother.

“I’ll make you some tea.” She said going to the kitchen. I got up from my couch and stood near the window watching the view. My tears fell down and soon I felt my mother’s hand on my shoulder.

“I think you should take the offer honey. Mara will need clothes, doctors, toys, food. It’s not about just you anymore.”

“What if I see him there?” I asked turning around to look at her.

“You still love that man don’t you?”

“How can I not love him if I have a piece of him inside of me?” I said running a hand over my six month pregnant belly. “I still love him…yes…sometimes I hate him so much…”

“Your friend is right. You two should talk. Even if you’re not together, there’s a baby, and both should take responsibilities.”

“Mom, I told you he doesn’t want her. I explained why.” I insisted. “I don’t want to force him to anything.”

“Your daughter is gonna need a father. If she didn’t have one was one thing but she does, thank God he’s very much alive. It’s really cool of you to think you can do this by yourself, and hell…many women can…but you don’t have to do this just because he doesn’t accept it.”

“Mom, most single mothers are single exactly because of that. He never got interested. You heard Lars, he never asked about us, he doesn’t even know it’s a girl, I guess that sums up really well what his position is.”

“Then go up there and accept their offer because a baby costs a lot of money sweetie and you’re gonna need the help they’re giving you. Swallow your pride for a couple of time.” She offered me a smile.

“Most mothers would be telling me to take him to court and force him to support me.” I smiled back, my mother shook her head.

“No…you’d be eaten alive. You would be exposed towards the world and so would be your daughter and I don’t want that for any of you. We might not have much money but we have love to give her and that counts.”

“I just wanted him to love her, that’s all.” I cried again.

“This isn’t going to be easy as you think sweetie. Being a single mom it’s tough but you’re strong and you’re brave. I am very proud of you ok? I want you to know that, and maybe one day he’ll see her and fall in love with her.”

“I don’t want anything for me mom, never wanted. He didn’t understand that. I don’t think he’ll ever care, after all he didn’t witness my belly growing or anything, and I think that’s the bond men make with their kids first. He didn’t want her, he asked me to abort…now I also don’t want him near her, that’s a fact. I don’t want anything from him, not now not ever and he’ll never get close to her, ‘cause I won’t let him.”

“That’s your hate talking now. Look…if he tries to get close to her then you have to let him. If he chooses to be her father you have to let him be, no matter how much it costs you and how much you hate him for the things he told you. Mara is something different, she’s not a weapon for you to use against him, she’s half his, always remember that.”

“Now you’re defending him!” I exclaimed indignant.

“I am defending my granddaughter, not him. He’s a lot older, has tattoos all over…” That last part made me laugh.

“He’s a good person mom, despite all this…” I said. “Don’t judge people by the way they look, you always taught me that, remember?”

“I know, it’s just that it’s a bit too much for me.”

“Mom, don’t you think Lars offer is a bit too much?” I asked her changing the subject again.

“What are you thinking?”

“I am thinking that I don’t feel alright in taking all that he’s offering that’s all. He doesn’t have to you know? The house I mean and stuff…”

“Offer him to pay some rent then, but take the damn job Nadia, it’s a great opportunity.”

I stayed silent for a few minutes and relived my life in the last couple of months. I even had to quit college because I couldn’t afford it and I needed the money for doctor’s appointments and buy some clothes for Mara and other baby stuff I had already bought. In fact, I needed that job.

“San Francisco is a big city.” I commented. My mother kissed my forehead.

“Extremely big. I need to go to bed now.” She said. I stayed alone in the living room thinking for an hour, then I concluded that I needed to go if I wanted to provide a decent life for my daughter. I grabbed my cell and called Lars.

“Nadia.” He answered at the third beep.

“Is it too late?”

“No, it’s fine. What’s up?”

“Is the guy going to hire me without even making an interview?” I asked him.

“He’s my friend, he trusts my word. I told him you worked for us, so I think that’s enough.”

“Will you let me pay you some rent? I don’t want to use and abuse of your place for free. I don’t want that.”

“Nadia…I don’t want any rent! I was going to sell it, don’t even remember I have it. Honestly, I don’t want anything Nadia.”

“Then I can’t stay in your place.” I said.

“Why are you so stubborn?” He insisted.

“It’s just that I don’t feel comfortable, that’s all.” I explained.

“You stay there until you organize your life, how’s that?”

“I don’t know…”

“Nadia…come on…” He insisted.

I though of my daughter one more time as she kicked and I smiled, anything for her. “Ok…can’t thank you enough for all.”

“So, you’re coming? Can I begin to arrange everything?”

“Yes, and thank you again.”
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