| Welcome to zetaboards. We hope you enjoy your visit. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
| At Tragic Heights; NEW! James/OFC short story...sequel to Firewalking and HYBTB | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: March 8, 2012, 3:23 pm (8,488 Views) | |
| cmania | March 31, 2012, 1:56 pm Post #106 |
|
Frantic
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
MORE MISS^^Well i think james is being a sweetheart doing all this and nadia should think about what´s happening like they love each other And there is a daughter comming ! and now i wanna know what´s next !! |
![]() |
|
| Scorpion Flower | April 1, 2012, 7:03 am Post #107 |
|
Outlaw Torn
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
“What are you doing here?” James broke the unpleasant silence that was heard in the kitchen. “You two need to talk.” Lars said beginning his way out. The door slammed shut and James and I remained staring at each other. My heart betrayed me and began to race. “What are you doing here?” He asked again. “I was just leaving.” I said making my way to the door and opening it, just to shut it again. I turned around to look at him, he was with his back turned at me. “I know everything. I know the apartment is yours. Didn’t know you were so much of a coward not even having the courage to look me in the eye, that you have to use a friend of yours to do what you wanted.” James turned around to face me that moment. “You forced me to have this kid!” He yelled. I forced a laughter. “I forced you? I don’t think I did…I even set you free to do whatever you wanted.” “You didn’t force me? So how about calling me to say you were pregnant? How about telling me you would not interrupt the pregnancy? Isn’t that to force me to have a kid?” “I called you moron because I thought you should know! Just because of that and since you told me you wanted me to abort I told you to go free. I would support her alone, I would love her alone, I didn’t need you for that. It was your choice to leave, not to call, not to be at any of her appointments to the doctor. It was your choice to leave me alone in this, and I was already convinced it would be that way. I thought I made it clear that I didn’t want your money or anything from you.” “And I thought since you were going through difficulties that I had to help ok? You even dropped college because you couldn’t afford it. What kind of man would I be if I ignored all that? What kind of father would I be if I know I am having a kid and she’s going through a hard time when I can provide her a good life? You would never accept my help so I decided to do it this way. We don’t talk to each other, so it would be a bit hard to go there and talk to you and tell you I wanted to help. You decided to have the baby, so you forced me to have it. That’s the way it is whether you like it or not. You forced me…” “You are unbelievable…” I said shaking my head. “If I am going to be a father, then I have to give my kid what she deserves and that’s what I did. Deal with that.” “What about love? Don’t you think that’s what she needs the most? Can you give her that?” I asked him with tears rolling down my face. “Can you give her love James? You were never there. I am almost finishing my time and you never cared…you can’t love a baby that you were never there for. Just because you decided to do this it doesn’t mean you love her and that’s what matters the most to me! I was always alone in the doctor while other fathers were there for their kids. I wished many times that you were there, not for me, because we’re history, but for her…you had to be there for her.” “So I was not that free to go after all, was I?” He defied me. I looked down at my feet. “Why did you ignore her?” “Because I didn’t know what to do! I also had my stuff going on around here. I had to deal with the fact that I was going to be a father again when I didn’t want it. I had to find a way to tell my other children and then deal with their crazy reaction to it. It’s not easy ok? I also had my hands full of shit around here. Then you…I also had to deal with what I felt for you…see…not easy at all. If you could just get your head off your ass sometime you could see that. You also left me alone and then you show up with one hell of an ultimatum.” I took a deep breath and sat on a chair. My kidneys were killing me. “You denied her, you said you didn’t believe she was yours.” “Well and you claim she is mine. When she’s born we’ll see who was right.” He said. I looked up at him in disbelief. “So you do all this while you still have doubts she’s yours? You are fucking unbelievable. Do you think I would lie about this?” “I believe she is mine. I just need to be sure.” “You know what?” I said getting up and grabbing my purse. “You will never set your eyes on her. NEVER!” I yelled at the end. “She’s yours, I am not even afraid to do a test to prove that, but when that is proven forget you have her because I will never allow you to come near her or me ever again. I hate you so much…” With that I turned around to leave. I almost ran out of that place. My tears falling down heavily and just when I reached the street it was pouring rain. Without an umbrella I began to run down the street to catch a cab, but not even one was to be seen. I continued walking and getting soaked. Soon I felt a car slowing down by my side. “Get in the car Nadia.” He said. “You must be out of your mind if you think I am going inside your car.” I shot. “You’re getting wet Nadia, get in the fucking car. It’s pouring rain.” James yelled. “I don’t care if I have to walk back home.” I said continuing walking. James stopped the car and got out of it, putting himself in front of me and grabbing me by my shoulders. “Get in the fucking car. You’re pregnant! Do you want to get sick and make the baby sick too?” I looked at him in the eye, he was getting soaked wet as well. “You put a whole baby room together…” I said slightly sobbing. “Because I care.” He whispered. “I care…” “Why do you do these things to me then?” “Look, we need to talk like two sane people. Get in the car you’re gonna get sick. Let me take you home.” I gave up. I freed myself from his hands and got inside his car. My life was a mess. James followed me and sat on the drivers seat. He drove us and none of us spoke to each other, and obviously I didn’t have to tell him where I lived, he went straight there without any explanation. “You better go change, your clothes are soaked.” He said when I closed the door of the apartment. “Do you want me to dry your shirt? Is wet too.” I offered. James nodded and pulled his shirt off, handing it to me. I put it in the dryer and went to change while he sat on the black leather couch, I knew then, he had bought. I changed to trainers and sweater and then came back to him and sat on the couch as well. “I feel uncomfortable knowing you bought all this for me. I feel like I totally depend on you and I don’t like that nor do I think it’s fair.” I began. “Look, I feel responsible for you alright. I know the little girl is mine and as her father I feel like I have to help you. You’re not just some woman that appeared saying she was pregnant with my kid. I was in love with you once and we were together as a couple, so I had to do something.” “So you know she’s yours?” I commented with my voice trembling. “I say these things to hurt you, because you hurt me.” He confessed not being able to look at me. “Deep inside I know you’re telling the truth otherwise I wouldn’t be doing all this for you…for her…” “Your kids took the news badly?” “They were confused. I divorced and they took it rather alright but then I show up saying I am having a baby and that confused them but they are alright now. I explained what happened and they understood but it took me a while and I just couldn’t leave them here and go to LA, that is why I had to bring you here, so I could be close to them and close to this baby too. I want to be part of her life. I want to be a good father for her and despite all shit that happened between us you can’t deny me that.” “The money that was transferred to my account, it was you right?” “Yes.” He nodded. “Doctors are expensive and she needs more stuff than the things I bought and I want you to have a good life too. I don’t want you not to do things because of her. I know you had to quit college and I don’t want that. I know you want to be a teacher so you need to finish your degree.” “I am working now. I can provide stuff for myself.” “Then see it as an allowance for her.” “James…20.000 dollars?” I asked. “It’s what I think it’s needed and I want you to have a car. I don’t want you anymore out in the rain looking for a cab or trying to catch a fucking bus.” “I don’t want you to give me anything else.” I argued raising my voice. “I am not asking if you want it or not. I am saying that I am going to give you one and that’s it.” “You can’t do that!” I exclaimed. “Yes I can and I am going to do it. Nadia, now that things are clean I don’t have to hide anymore and I can do the things I want openly which is kind of a relief to be honest.” “The job?” I asked. “The job was actually Lars idea. He remembered he could talk to our lawyer and he needed someone. I’d prefer if you didn’t work at all. I mean, you’re seven months pregnant, you should be resting.” I looked at him surprised he knew exactly the time of my pregnancy. “I always asked Lars how you were doing, it’s not like I wasn’t there at all. I know to you it’s not the same thing and I understand you don’t understand, but I want you to know that it’s not like I ignored all this, I didn’t.” “I am sorry I hurt you.” I told him. Instantly James looked away. “I don’t wanna talk about us.” He said promptly. “Like you said…” He paused and then cleared his throat. “We’re history.” His words broke my heart, after all I still loved him but I guess these months away were enough for him to forget me. “This is all about the baby now. I want to be in her life. Will you let me be in her life?” He asked then turning his gaze back to me. Though his words hurt me deeply and though I knew I was still in love with him. I nodded and then got up. I went to my room and grabbed an envelope and then came back. “This is Mara.” I said handing him a scan I had. “She’s bigger now.” I said with my lips trembling. “I like the name by the way.” He said looking up at me. Our gaze locked and my eyes watered but then so did his. James looked down at the scan again quite fast and I took the back of my hand to my eyes to clean them and to prevent the tears from falling. “You never trusted me.” He said then looking at me again. His voice choke a little and my eyes watered again. “Neither did you.” I responded. “Is my shirt dry? I better get going…” He said standing up. I felt him uncomfortable and though I wanted to tell him so many things, I went to grab his shirt. James left the next second almost without saying goodbye. |
![]() |
|
| Some_Kind_Of_Monster | April 1, 2012, 7:14 am Post #108 |
|
☠ (R.I.P) † Return Is Possible †
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
He loves her, he loves her, he loves her Selfish woman! Jamie, love him!!!
|
![]() |
|
| Scorpion Flower | April 1, 2012, 8:09 am Post #109 |
|
Outlaw Torn
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Me? or Nadia?
|
![]() |
|
| Some_Kind_Of_Monster | April 1, 2012, 8:19 am Post #110 |
|
☠ (R.I.P) † Return Is Possible †
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
It's two of you then I want them sexualise again
|
![]() |
|
| cmania | April 1, 2012, 12:23 pm Post #111 |
|
Frantic
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
they love eacth other !... I wan´t they together again and happy has a family wierd lá cocaracha lá macarena I wanna more
|
![]() |
|
| Lilith | April 1, 2012, 2:38 pm Post #112 |
|
♥ Jaimelicious ♥
![]()
|
I'm glad they could finally talk! Nadia's life would be so easier if she let him help her and take care. But I do understand her... oh, my heart bleeds with hers... ;_; He broke her heart, she doesn't know how to deal with her bruised ego, pride it's the last thing she has left. Man, IDK, I just get her so well... xD And him... oh, of course I get him too, he is doing the right thing! The honorable thing... God, I love him! |
![]() |
|
| Shayniz21 | April 1, 2012, 6:14 pm Post #113 |
|
Poor Twisted Me
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
I think both their prides are getting in the way of them truly telling each other how they feel. I know putting down your pride is something that is very hard to do but they need to try. They still love each other so much, you can just tell!! I'm glad they talked. Something tells me he will become more involved and they will fall back in love ( well i hope anyway)
|
![]() |
|
| Scorpion Flower | April 2, 2012, 6:07 am Post #114 |
|
Outlaw Torn
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
My parents came to spend the weekend with me. I was astonished my mother could yank my father from their house in the village to come to the big city, but I was glad she did so, I missed my father and I knew he was having a hard time accepting my pregnancy. Not the pregnancy itself but the fact that I was pregnant and alone, no boyfriend, no husband, nothing. And the fact that Mara’s father was a rockstar was also something he couldn’t deal with quite well, still he was tender to me and at the same time cold. “So he was the one providing all this?” My mother asked as I told her the whole story. We were at the terrace enjoying a warm night while my father watched a football game. “Yeah…and I don’t know what to do mom. I don’t want to accept all this, it’s too much. He doesn’t have to…” My mother caught my hand and squeezed it. “Take it, because there’s not much you can do right now. His attitude was very noble despite all. He’s willing to help you and it’s not like you thought, that he didn’t care at all. He took his time, maybe too much time and was rude but he came to his senses.” “He said he didn’t love me anymore.” I said trying to control myself but my shoulders began to shake. “And you still do…” My mother said. “I’ve always said I did, but seeing him and being around him is very hard. Before I knew I loved him but as there was no interaction between us it was easier, but this week, hearing his voice, seeing him was very tough…” I cried. “Sweetie, you have to be strong. You know you have to interact with him, after all you’re carrying his child. Did he say he didn’t love you anymore?” I shook my head. “Not these words but he said he didn’t want to talk about us that we were history, it was all about Mara now.” I explained. “I guess that’s the same thing, isn’t it?” “What did you expect? That he’d tell you that he still loves you and wants to be with you. Probably he’s hurt, it’s not only you that have feelings you know. Seven months are gone, maybe he actually fell out of love with you, but there’s also a slightly chance that he’s still in love with you, but that’s not what matters now is it?” I shook my head again. “What did he say regarding Mara?” My mother asked next. “He said that he wants to be in her life.” “And you have to let him. We’ve talked about this, it’s his right, so you have to let him. Don’t use your daughter to hurt him. If you love him Nadia, the way you say you do, then don’t hurt him anymore.” “I showed him some scans I had of the last appointments. There was not much I could do.” I said cleaning my eyes. “It puts my mother’s heart to a rest knowing he put you in a safe place. I was afraid of how this story was gonna turn out but he showed some character after all. You wouldn’t be alone you know that, you could come back home and we would help you. It’s a good thing Mara is going to have her daddy around, it would be harder than you think sweetie, you even thought you could do this alone and in the end you wished he was there in a way.” “I know…” I agreed. “I’ve told you this before, you have your daughter to care about now. In two months she will be here, you see things will be easier for you then, you’ll be distracted with her. A newborn baby is a hand full of work.” I smiled and rubbed a hand over my belly. “I can’t wait to see her.” “She’ll be your pride and joy and he’ll be just her dad. You’ll find your cup of tea, don’t worry.” “He’s my cup of tea mom. I never loved someone this much.” “There will be another one. You’re so young sweetie.” “Who’s gonna want to date a single mom? I mean, I’ll have a baby, everything will be different. Most guys will not understand why I have to stay home to take care of her instead of going out.” “Don’t be so pessimist. One day you’ll find a person that is willing to go through that. Let this man go…” I took a deep breath as I swallowed my mother’s words. My eyes filled with tears once again. “You’re right.” I said getting up. “I’m going to bed. I am really tired.” My mother nodded and kissed me on the forehead. Next thing I closed myself in my room crying, face against the pillow so my sobs couldn’t be heard. The next day my parents and I went for lunch and a walk downtown. It was a nice and warm day and we took it to some sightseeing. Going down one of the streets and while my parents watched some TV’s on a store I spotted James coming up the street with a friend. He hadn’t seen me yet and I took the chance to look at him. He looked thinner, his hair was fashionable, he looked better than ever. Then he cracked a laughter and his gorgeous smile appeared making my legs shake and taking my breath away. I saw my mother turning around to look at me but I didn’t bother, she then looked to where I was looking and that’s when James saw me too. His smiled vanished and our gaze locked in an eternal stare, and finally he got near me. “Hi Nadia.” He greeted me. “Hi.” I said almost in a whisper feeling all my insides jumping in ecstasy. I was bubbling inside like a teenager and that exact moment I asked myself how I was going to be able to deal with my feelings having him near. That seemed so impossible. My father also turned around when he heard a man’s voice greeting me and then he narrowed his eyes. I knew instantly he had caught that was James because my father didn’t have a clue of who the guys in Metallica were. “Mom, dad, this is James.” I introduce them and James shook both their hands. “How are you feeling?” He asked me. “Everything is alright.” I said. Then James turned to my parents. “I think we should talk.” He told them. My parents both nodded, I didn’t know if I was alright with that. I was afraid of my father’s reaction. “I think we do.” My father then blurted. “How long are you going to stay?” James asked courageously in front of my father’s murdering stare. “We leave tomorrow.” My mother told him. “Then I guess we have to talk tonight. Can you come over to my house?” James suggested. “There’s no need…” I said. “Dinner?” James said again ignoring my words. “I’ll write down the address and you can meet me there at eight?” “I think so.” My father said. James wrote down his address in a piece of paper and handed it to me, our hands touched slightly as he put the paper in my hand and our gaze was locked the whole time, though I could feel both my parents watching the while scene. “We’ll be there.” I said. “See you later.” James told me almost in a whisper, then he said goodbye to my parents and we all went our separate ways. “I knew instantly it was him, all the tattoos in his arms…oh Nadia…how could you?” My father accused me. “He’s so much older! He’s older than I thought he would be!” “Dad, please…” I told him still trying to calm my racing heart down. “He’s cute.” My mother whispered in my ear and I smiled at her. “And the way he was looking at you, what kind of respect is that? I am your father!” “Dad…” I retorted rolling my eyes out of patience. At eight sharp we arrived in James’s place. I looked at every corner as it was the first time I was at his house and he patiently showed us around. My mother was rather relaxed and my father had lost a bit of his initial aggressiveness, so things became a bit lighter for both James and I. I knew that wasn’t easy for him and quite frankly I wished none of us were there. When he guided us to the living room he rested his hand on the back of my shoulder and I almost groaned at his touch, I groaned silently to myself. Then we all sat on the couch and James brought us something to drink. “I live alone and I can’t cook so I ordered dinner at a catering company, we have to wait a bit” He said. “It’s ok.” I told him. “You didn’t have to.” James offered me a smile and then looked at my father who scrutinized him attentively. “Sir…I know a lot must be on your mind.” James began. I shuddered and my mother grabbed my hand. “I have two daughters and I know how I would feel if I were you, I can imagine the least.” My father just nodded his head and said nothing. “This was not just an adventure to me.” James continued. “I want you to know that I loved your daughter very much but unfortunately our lives went separate ways.” I looked away as I heard the word loved and my mother squeezed my hand in support. James stopped talking and looked at me. “What James is trying to tell you dad is that, I left him. I left him alone and then this happened.” I said to help him cut the story short. “I’ve always told her that I didn’t want to have kids. I have three and they are grown up, almost teenagers. So when she told me she was pregnant I didn’t react well.” “According to what I know you reacted very bad.” My father told him. James nodded. “Yes. Not good at all and was unfair to Nadia, for reasons that I don’t want to talk about. Anyway, after dealing with my angry kids and sinking in the news some months had been gone and I decided to do something and I brought Nadia here. It’s not my intention to leave your daughter with no support and I intend to be a father to the little girl that is gonna be born. I apologize for all the harm I caused you.” “And you think that is enough? How about having a daughter with a child and she’s not even with the father of her child?” “Dad!” I exclaimed warning him to stop. “Unfortunately things like that happen, and as Nadia told you, that was her choice and not mine. She was the one leaving, she was the one breaking up the relationship. I came back here and she stayed in LA, where she lived. There’s nothing I can do about that. My only role here now is to be a good father and I intend to be one. I don’t know what she told you…” “I told them the truth.” I interrupted him. “If she told you everything then you know I’ve always been honest with her, she knew I didn’t want this baby but in a way she forced me to have it and I don’t judge her decision. Maybe it was too much to ask her to abort, but I was totally caught by surprise and didn’t know how to handle the situation myself. I suggested what was easier…for me that is. I am sorry for all the trouble and harm I caused any of you. I am trying to redeem myself.” “Do you know that your words are not enough for a father like I am? She’s my girl…” James nodded. “I know how you feel. I have two daughters, though they have grown up they are my little girls, and Nadia is your little girl but to me, she’s not a little girl, she’s a woman and I fell in love with her…” His eyes met mine as he said the last words. We stared at each other for a while, then I spoke. “Dad…I think this conversation is enough. James explained himself. Things have been a mess but he’s trying to do the right thing now.” “Are you going to give Mara your name?” My father asked him. “Of course.” James affirmed nodding. “I will be her father in its full sense. Just because her mother and I are not together it doesn’t mean anything. I divorced my wife and we have three kids. Unfortunately things between Nadia and I didn’t work out and we’ll be having this baby, it’s almost the same case. It is nothing to be ashamed of, your daughter is still your daughter, and she’s the same person she was before. She’s a wonderful person.” James whispered in the end and looked at me. “She’s 26...” My father added. “A woman.” James insisted. “I am not pleased with this. Not at all.” My father told him. “None of us is. She’s not and I am not either but that’s the way things turn out and all of us have to work it out the best way we can.” “Dad, I think this is enough now. You can’t accuse James. This was mutual, it was not him deceiving me as you think. I am not a young girl anymore, I am an adult. Ok?” I said feeling I had to support James somehow, since I felt my father was trying to crucify James for his involvement with me. Finally my father nodded, there was not much more that he could say. I turned my head to look at James again. “Thank you.” I told him. “It’s ok.” James told me. Suddenly his hand reached mine and he held it strongly in support. Our eyes locked and still I felt my father’s murderer eye on it. “Everything is going to be alright I promise you. And I am so sorry for what I did.” The door bell rang and James let go. “Dinner is here.” He said walking up to the door. My mother bent over me and spoke in my ear. “He still loves you.” She whispered. I looked at her with an inquisitive look while my eyes watered and she just nodded reaffirming her statement. |
![]() |
|
| Some_Kind_Of_Monster | April 2, 2012, 6:26 am Post #115 |
|
☠ (R.I.P) † Return Is Possible †
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Honestly, if that would be my dad James would have to do much more Good update I know he loves her, and when the baby will be born he will tell her how much he still loves her
|
![]() |
|
| Scorpion Flower | April 2, 2012, 8:10 am Post #116 |
|
Outlaw Torn
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Dads are terrible, but the truth is Nadia is an adult and should be responsible for her acts.
|
![]() |
|
| Some_Kind_Of_Monster | April 2, 2012, 8:12 am Post #117 |
|
☠ (R.I.P) † Return Is Possible †
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
I'm older than her My dad and my bro would rip James in half Just family culture
|
![]() |
|
| Lilith | April 2, 2012, 2:47 pm Post #118 |
|
♥ Jaimelicious ♥
![]()
|
Oh, James is doing the right thing. He is so great. nd she still loves him so much, must be hurtful him being so nice and yet stating once and again they are not together anymore. ;_; |
![]() |
|
| Shayniz21 | April 2, 2012, 6:45 pm Post #119 |
|
Poor Twisted Me
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
My Dad is such a laid back person and my parents have always raised me to always be responsible for my own actions. My Dad would act differently then Nadia's. James still loves Nadia!!!! |
![]() |
|
| Scorpion Flower | April 3, 2012, 5:30 am Post #120 |
|
Outlaw Torn
![]() ![]() ![]()
|
My parents left on Sunday afternoon and the next day it was day work for me. As I walked inside the office I trembled a bit thinking if Frank would notice that I had been sneaking on his computer. I felt a bit guilty, I can’t deny that. I felt I did something wrong but at the same time that was the only way for me to find out the truth and after…I was right. Everything I wanted to know was there as I had suspected but still I worked that day as if I knew nothing and Frank acted normal with me the whole time. It also helped the fact that I had spent part of the afternoon out of the office delivering some papers to some clients, but when I came back I received the immediate note to go to his office. I felt afraid and before I went there I stopped by the bathroom and looked for a nice explanation to give him, just in case. Pacing around the white marbled floor I rehearsed every single word and when I felt I was ready I went there. I knocked first and didn’t ventured to open the door until I heard his voice telling me to go in. He sounded normal and calm, so I opened the door slowly. Frank was not alone in there and when the door cracked fully open, and even if he was sat with his back turned to the door, I recognized James. All my insides shook and I was certain my fear had just came true. “Sit down Nadia.” Frank ordered and I took the seat next to James. We looked at each other and greeted ourselves in silence, just with a nod. “I have some papers here that you need to sign.” Frank told me after. “For me?” I asked surprised. “It’s because of the house.” James said. I turned my head to look at him surprised. “The house?” I asked him. Frank put some papers in front of me and I looked down at them, beginning to read. “It’s about the apartment you’re living in. James wants to put it in your name.” Frank said. I stopped reading immediately. “No.” I said firmly dragging the papers back to Frank. “I don’t want it.” “Nadia…” James said my name almost as an order. “I don’t want it!” I exclaimed looking at him. “I bought the apartment for you, so I want to make it legal.” James said. “And I am saying that I don’t want it.” I stated. Frank got up from his chair and I looked at him. “I think you two should talk about this. I am going for a coffee and I’ll be right back.” He said. I knew there Frank knew the whole time what my role with James was, but never once did he bring the subject up with me. “James what are you doing?” I asked turning the chair to him. He shrugged before answer. “The obvious. I initially bought that house for you, since now you know the truth I can pass it on to you. That’s all.” “I’ll stay there but it remains your property. I don’t want it. And as soon as I have enough money to support myself alone, I’ll leave it. Then you can sell it, keep it, do whatever you want with it, but I won’t accept this. There’s no way you will make me accept this.” “Stop being so stubborn. I want to give you something for you to have something on your own.” “But it’s not on my own! Can’t you see that?” “Look…I don’t wanna fight with you. I am done fighting with you. The papers will stay here ready to be signed when you get over that damn stubbornness of yours, you just have to tell Frank and sign the damn thing.” “Fine, because I need to leave.” I said getting up. “But I won’t change my mind, bare that in your mind. Now I have to go because I have to go to the doctor.” “What are you going to do there?” He asked getting up too. “Just routine. I am going to make an ultrasound to see if everything is fine with Mara, that’s all.” I explained. “Can I go with you?” He asked surprising me again. “You want to come with me? I mean seriously…because if you’re doing this just because…” “I wanna go.” He said firmly. I nodded. Obviously James was the one driving me there since I didn’t have a car. The silence between us was just unbearable, it was like we didn’t have anything to talk and then we had so many things to talk about. I didn’t force conversation but then neither did he. While waiting at the doctor was the exact same thing. The thing I so long wished for, to have him there with me was just becoming a nightmare in my head, as I acknowledged that while the other parents were all tender, he was just there and we didn’t share a word. I realized that being there wasn’t enough for me and that was killing me. The more I had to be around him the more I realized I loved him all the time and that didn’t make things easy for me. I wanted him there in a different way after all. After half an hour we were called inside. First the doctor checked on me and when it was time for the ultrasound she called James in. He sat by my side while she spread the gel over my belly and then the scan began. While I was so happy that I was seeing my baby girl again and that was the only way I could see her, I noticed James was just staring at the monitor as if nothing was happening. I witnessed my suspicions becoming true again. His eyes weren’t shinning, he wasn’t smiling, there was no tenderness, no love, no nothing. He simply was there and nothing else. He didn’t love that child the way I did and having that shoved in my face hurt me deeply. Then the doctor took me back to her office to tell me Mara was sat in my belly and that I probably couldn’t deliver her naturally, and she explained that it was unlikely that her position would change. I made a zillion questions and James made none. Not that I blamed him, but I began to blame myself mentally and I didn’t like the feeling, not even one bit. When I had thought that him making the first contact with Mara would smooth his heart just a bit, he simply showed me that it didn’t and I raged inside. “Look…” I turned to him not holding it inside anymore. “You don’t have to be here at all. Forget all about it.” I blurted. James stopped walking and looked at me a bit puzzled. “It’s clear that you don’t love her and never will so I think it’s better if you’re not around. I didn’t like to have you there with me, not even one bit. At least you could have disguised your indifference and I don’t want it to be a burden for you. So again, I am telling you and this time I really mean it, that you’re free to go. You don’t have to be around just because you feel like it is the right thing to do. If you’re not going to love her then just disappear.” With that I began to walk opposite way from him. “Nadia…” He yelled. “Come back here. I’ll take you home.” “I’ll take the bus thank you.” I yelled but not looking back. Again my tears began to fall and I ran a bit towards the bus stop. James didn’t come after me nor did he insisted, I was glad he didn’t, and guessed my words must have hit him some way. At home I took a relaxing bath and then cooked my dinner, determined to shake him away from my thoughts, because it hurt too much when he was haunting me. After, I curled on the couch and watched TV, just then my door bell rang. “Who is it?” I asked. “It’s me. We need to talk.” I heard James’s voice outside my door. I rolled my eyes and I swear I thought about not letting him coming in nor opening the door, but the apartment was his, so I did. “I don’t think we need to talk. There’s nothing else to say.” I said shutting the door close. “You’re right. I don’t love her ok? But with time I guess I will.” He confessed. “I don’t want you around me. Can’t you see? Right now you give me bad feelings, you’re making me regret I kept her and God…I don’t wanna feel that way.” I began to cry. “You have to understand. You forced me to have her, I am not in love with the idea of being a parent again. And I am trying, I went there today but as much as I might have tried, I didn’t feel the tenderness I felt with my other three and that is all related to the fact that I wanted them.” “For that James and because of that. I don’t want to force you to anything else. You don’t wanna go to the doctor then don’t, you don’t want to see her, then don’t. Just don’t show up near her and make her not feel loved. Today you made me regret that I kept her but just because I see that I am going to bring her into this world and she will not have her father’s love and I didn’t have the right to do that. Not because I don’t love her, I do and a lot, but because she will not be loved by you and I know she’s going to suffer, she’ll have that demon with her and I feel terribly bad.” “I want to stay around.” “What for? I don’t know what is worse if it’s her not being related to you at all and just acknowledge she has as an absent father or acknowledging she does have a father but he doesn’t love her, because she will grow up and she’ll realize that. I think if you’re absent it’s easier. She will not know you, she will not love you.” “Give me some time damn it!” James raised his tone. “Do you think it’s easy to have an absent father? Do you Nadia? It’s not…I can tell you it’s not.” I yelled at him as well. “You know it’s not because you’re father left you and you felt you weren’t loved wasn’t that? Tell me James… If you haven’t met him at all would you feel the same way? Or was it more shocking for you to realize you weren’t important to him at all? You felt like he didn‘t love you and that‘s what led to your anger.” My words got him as a bullet in his heart. Maybe I have taken it too far but I had to make him understand. James stayed silent just staring at me and I sighed regretting I was that hard on him. “If you make her feel like she’s not loved you’ll hurt her badly and I can’t let that happen. So to protect her and to protect you in a certain way, I do think it’s better if you do what you really feel like you want to do and I know you want to get rid of all of this.” “Your favorite hobby is to hurt me isn’t it Nadia?” He asked. I knew he was referring to my previous statements. “I had to make you understand.” I told him. “Why do you have the need to hurt me so much? Why? What have I done to you?” “You haven’t done anything but this is not just about me now. I need to protect my daughter the best way.” “Our daughter! The one we made together!” He yelled again. “THE ONE YOU DON’T LOVE!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “You don’t even make sense…” I said shaking my head. “You say you don’t love her then you claim that’s she’s your daughter. One time you’re telling me to abort, the next you’re bringing me to San Francisco. No…I don’t want her head to be a mess. You won’t play with her that way ‘cause I won’t let you.” “I might not love her now but I also know that I am going to love her.” “And until then what?” I confronted him. “Jesus what more do you want from me?” He asked back. “You accuse me, you hurt me, you just made my life this huge mess. What the fuck do you want? I am trying damn it! You broke the fucking up with me! It was always like this between us, your mind, your decision, you have never given me a chance, you have never listened to me. You never cared for the things I’ve asked you or what I wanted. It was always about you the whole fucking time and I blame myself for that because I let you. Now this time open your fucking ears and your fucking mind and listen carefully to what I am telling you. I am gonna love her, you hear me well Nadia? This time I won’t let you fuck things up.” “Says who? You never trusted me! No matter how many times I told you that I loved you, you were always finding a way to point your finger at me!” “YOU EVEN WENT TO SEE HIM!” James yelled really loud. “How was I supposed to trust you? You fucking lied to me!” “I made a fucking mistake and I said I was sorry. I am not proud I did that. The next thing I know is that you didn’t want to sign your divorce!” I shot. “I am divorced! Which proves that I was going to sign it. I asked you to come with me and you fucking ignored me. I was telling you the truth and still you chose to stay in fucking LA. FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU AND YOUR DAMN CLEVER DECISIONS! You have a lot to learn and first thing is to know when a man truly loves you.” “Next time I’ll be aware.” I said. James teeth grated and next thing he grabbed my jaw to make me look in his eyes, his face came closer. “Don’t provoke me.” I shook his hand away from my face violently. “I am not provoking. You want to blame this all on myself, it suits you really well doesn’t it? I am not stupid James…you were having doubts and you know it. You also fucked up, you just thought I was too stupid to realize it. Well…I am not.” “No I was not! And you were stupid enough not to realize it.” He shook his hands in the air. “I was always the fucking puppet in your hands. I still am the one you love to pull the strings of and hurt.” “We completely diverted from the subject that brought you here.” I said having enough of that conversation. “See?” He said pointing at me. “That is what you do and I so fucking hate that. When things aren’t going the way you want, you change the subject.” “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?” I yelled once again. “I WANT YOU TO SEE IT!” He yelled back. I went to the door and opened it. “Go away…” I asked him. “Go away.” James grabbed his jacket and walked out, pushing me aside as he passed by me like I was some invaluable thing. “If I have to go to court to have my daughter I will.” He menaced when he reached the stairs. I slammed the door shut not wanting to hear anything else. |
![]() |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
|
|
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Het / Gen · Next Topic » |





![]](http://z1.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)
and now i wanna know what´s next !!



or Nadia?
they love eacth other !...
I wan´t they together again and happy has a family
wierd
lá cocaracha lá macarena I wanna more


8:37 PM Jul 10