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Frayed Ends Of Sanity; Het/Gen.
Topic Started: April 22, 2012, 12:07 pm (501 Views)
Wishful
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Cliff and Lars Lover
[ * ]
Okay this is the first fic Ive written in a very long time so I apologise in advance if this is a bit pants. Please be gentle lol. If you have any critisisms please feel free to help me along, as i will take all comments on board :)

Chapter 1

"I wanna die!" I screamed at the top of my lungs
"No Kirk, you don't!" said a worried Lars
"Yes I do Lars! Please make this pain stop!".

I curled up on the floor and sobbed my heart out. I'd just lost Lani in an motor accident. I was due to go to court soon and testify against the bastard that had killed my wife, I'd been in the car too but I'd walked away with a few bumps and bruises.

"Kirk come on you need to calm down" Lars said trying to soothe me
"No I just wanna die" I said through a heaving sob
"You don't mean that" said Lars horrified
"I do...I do...I do".

I just lay there inert, and sobbing. Lars sat on the floor next to me trying to be a soothing influence. Truth be told he was starting to irritate me, all I wanted to do was to hit him as hard as I could make him hurt as much as me.

"Kirk...".

At that moment I saw red and I scrambled to my feet, which in its self startled Lars. I took the opportunity I'd created and I swung and hit Lars square on the jaw, making him yelp with pain. I turned on my heel and left the room at top speed.

Switches to Lars' P.O.V

I lay there in a state of complete shock, Kirk had never hit me before. I heard the door open again I sat up rubbing my jaw, man that guy had a swing on him! I heard James call out.

"Kirk dude are you here?"
"Dude he's just fucking hit me and left" I hollered from upstairs.

I heard James' shod feet on the stairs.

"Lars?" He asked
"In the bathroom" I answered back.

James walked in and took one look at my bruised jaw and started howling with laughter.

"Fuck you James! This is not funny you know!"
"Lars where's your jaw gone? you've just got a huge ass lump in its place"
"Never mind that right now, we've gotta find Kirk!"
"Right, come on".

Both James and I explored the entire of Kirk's house but he was gone. James checked the stables on the off chance he'd thought of saddling up Sunburst; but he wasn't there. I phoned Rob to let him know what had happened, just in case he turned up there. But he didn't.

Switches to Kirk's P.O.V

I was in fact driving out to the Maxwell Ranch well away from everyone and everything. I knew it would take the guys a while to work out where I'd gone. Upon arrival there was already a car here which was odd in itself other than Cliff and his mates and his family, as far as I was aware no one else knew about this place. To my surprise I found Corrine sat on the back porch smoking a joint, gazing into the distance.

"Corrine?"
"Kirk? what you doing here?"
"I came here to get away from Lars".

I could feel her eyes searching me, taking in my appearance. We were both 20 years older and it had been about that long since we'd last seen each other too.

"What's the matter Kirk?".

She was always so perceptive.

"I lost Lani 2 weeks ago" I mumbled
"Kirk I’m so sorry, truly" she said sincerely
"What you doing here anyway?"
"I was missing Cliff, this place makes me feel close to him I guess" she said with forced lightness.

It was then I realised she had been reading the ranch journal entries.

"I miss him too, I wish he was hear now".

I felt a warm hand take mine and gently squeeze it.
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Shayniz21
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Poor Twisted Me
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Aww this is really cute, glad you came back to the fanfic area! I'm a fic fanatic!!!! More please :horns2
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Wishful
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Cliff and Lars Lover
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Thank u so much hunni for reading! :horns:

Chapter 2

Kirk's P.O.V

We just sat there In companionable silence, taking in the breath taking views. It was so peaceful here, just the tonic I needed. How the hell I was going to hold it together in court? I had absolutely no clue. Corrine seemed to be at peace with herself too. I knew how much she missed Cliff 'cos I felt the same, there wasn't a day that went by that I wouldn't be thinking about Cliff and wondered what he would have made of things now. I knew he'd had his heart set on marrying Corrine as soon as we came off the Puppets tour---but of course it never happened.

"Corrine?"
"Hmmm?"
"Has there been anyone special in your life since Cliff?" I asked a little shyly
"No...No there hasn't" she said quietly
"But how do you do it? How haven't you lost the plot?" I again asked shyly
"I draw strength from the fact I know Cliff loved me, and I know I’ll see him again eventually when the time is right".

This put me in deep thought. I was that far away that I hadn't heard Corrine get up.

"Kirk I've got to go now, are you sure you're okay?" she asked softly
"I dunno, I guess" I said in a melancholy way
"Bye Kirk, maybe I'll see you again here sometime" she said kindly and left.

I picked up the ranch journal Corrine had left on the seat. I opened it and found an entry written by Cliff to the effect that he was trippin' out on acid with Lou and Jim and they were in the process of making one of the Maxwell ranch tapes. The thought of it made me smile. Then came the tears again. Not only had Cliff left me my best friend and confidante, but I'd lost my wife now too. I let the grief I was feeling wash over me and I let it grip me.

James' P.O.V

I eventually found Hamster at the Maxwell ranch and he was not in a good way at all. I knew he was going to need watching, so I took him home with me so that both Fran and I could keep an eye on him. First thing I did upon arriving home was to give Kirk a strong cup of coffee, then sent him up to bed.

"Hamster dude it's time for bed, not to be a motherfucker or anything but you look like shit".

I looked at Fran and she grimaced and her eyes looked wet, she just lost her best friend. Kirk suddenly seemed to come too.

"James what are you doing here?".

Now I was truly worried.

"Hamster, you're at my place me and Fran are going to look after you for now"
"Fran?"
"Yes Kirk I'm right here too"
"Who's Fran?" Kirk asked looking confused.

Now I truly was worried, what was happening? Was Kirk taking refuge in amnesia?

"Kirk where are you? what year is it?" I asked trying to get some sense out of him.

"Why James I have no idea where I am, as to the year it's 1986".

I stumbled backward he was re-living Cliff's death all over again that much was certain otherwise what the hell else had happened in 1986 to make him say that. I looked at Fran she seemed stricken by the turn of events and I felt sick.
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Shayniz21
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Poor Twisted Me
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This is interesting!!! Why on earth did Kirks mind travel back in time?? What kind of weed was Corinne smoking??
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Wishful
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Cliff and Lars Lover
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Chapter 3

James' P.O.V

I was so worried about the Ham man that I decided to consult a psychologist. The diagnosis wasn't good, and Kirk was admitted to San Francisco General Hospital so he could be observed.

Lars' P.O.V

I was in a state of total shock and denial. This couldn't be happening not to Kirk, he was the strongest of men I knew especially with him studying 'Buddhism' mostly he took everything in his stride. But to receive that damning phone call from James....That nearly killed me. Was he really taking refuge in amnesia? To think it 1986 all over again. I thought we'd all done our grieving for Cliff; but as it would appear Kirk had just shoved it away and losing his wife and bought it all to the fore again. I kept wishing Kirk had opened up to me after all he's my best friend. Anything and everything I could do I would, there was no way in hell I was prepared to let Kirk rot in some home for the mentally disturbed.

"Connie we've got to do everything we possible can to get Kirk back on track, I don't care what it takes he's just gotta get well again"
"Sshh Lars come on" said Connie reassuringly
"Promise me Con that you'll help me to help Kirk"
"You have my word Lars, now what do you have in mind?"
"At the moment all I wanna do is to go up there and just talk to him find out what's going on!".

So Connie drove me to the hospital. When we arrived Ma Hammett was outside.

"Ma I’m so sorry for your loss and I'm so sorry about Kirk too"
"It's not your fault Lars, I should have been a bit more aware and kept a better eye on Kirk Lee myself".

I could see the hurt and anguish in her eyes and on her face; it tore at my heart strings all I could do was hug her. There she broke down on my shoulder and sobbed, Connie soothingly rubbing her back after a while she was calm enough to speak again.

"Oh Lars I’m so sorry I've made your shirt all wet now" she said trying to swipe it clean with her hand
"Not to worry it'll dry, now what have the doctors said?" I asked gently
"That he does indeed think that it's 1986 and Cliff has just died" she said in anguish
"Do that staff know about Lani?" It was a stupid question to ask but It felt like the right thing to ask
"Yes they do" again she looked stricken
"Can we see him?" Connie asked softly
"You'll have to find a doctor and ask him" she whispered
"Ma who's Kirk's doctor please?"
"Doctor Piper-Worth"
"I'll go and see if I can get a progress report, Connie take Ma to the cafe and get her a strong coffee"
"I will".

Taking Connie aside.

"Look after her"
"Of course" said Connie compassionately and gave me a soft kiss. t all wet now" she said trying to swipe it clean with her hand
"Not to worry it'll dry, now what have the doctors said?" I asked gently



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Shayniz21
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Poor Twisted Me
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Keep it going!!!
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Wishful
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Cliff and Lars Lover
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Chapter 4

Lars’ P.O.V

It took me a fair while to locate Kirk’s doctor.

“Doctor Piper-Worth?” I asked.
“Yes that’s me, how can I help?”.
“Hi I’m Lars Ulrich, close friend of Kirk Hammett”.
“Ah, Mr Ulrich how can I help you?”.
“I was wondering what the diagnosis is in respect of my friend” I said earnestly.
“I have yet to complete my assessment Mr Ulrich I’m afraid, also as your not family I cannot inform you of diagnosis” He said looking down his nose at me.
“Right… Okay thank you for your time”.

I stormed off muttering to myself what a Jackass the man was, I rationally knew he had a point but the way he looked down his nose at me had got my goat. Arsehole!
I eventually made my way to the café having had taken a few deep breaths to calm myself on the way. I found Ma and Connie sat together at a corner table quietly conversing.

“Lars did you find Kirk Lee’s doctor?” Asked Ma
“I did Ma, he told me he’s yet to finish assessing Kirk and that as I’m not family he cannot tell me anything anyway”.
“Well when I next speak to the doctor I shall ask him to keep you and Connie Informed as well”.

I smiled gratefully at Ma.

“Thank you Ma”. I said softly. I gave her a kiss on top of her head.
“Lars you have always been like a son to me”. She said gently cupping my cheek.

I gulped and felt embarrassed at Ma’s words. I had to turn away, my eyes had become incredibly wet. Ma had enough on her plate without me breaking down, I knew I had to be strong.
A little later we made our way back up the ward.

“Mrs Hammett?”. Asked a male voice.
“Yes”. Said Ma swinging round.
“I’m Doctor Piper-Worth”
“Oh doctor, nice to meet you. I believe you’ve already met Lars”.

The doctor gave me a curt nod.

“This is his wife Connie, what’s the diagnosis?”
“It would appear your son has definitely got amnesia Mrs Hammett, and he believes that it is indeed 1986 again”.
“Oh, oh gosh, so what’s the treatment to be?”. Asked Ma
“A course of psycho-therapy as well as a course of anti-depressant medication”.
“Right thank you doctor, oh and doctor if Lars or his wife should ask you anything related to my son’s case please let them know”.
“Very well, as you wish Mrs Hammett”. He said and quickly walked away.
“What a rude man”. Said Connie thoroughly unimpressed.
“But he’s the best in his field, and Kirk Lee is going to need all the help he can get”. Said Ma with surprising candour.
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Shayniz21
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Poor Twisted Me
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Geez I wonder how he got amnesia??
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Wishful
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Cliff and Lars Lover
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Chapter 5

Connie’s P.O.V

A little later we were joined by James and Rob, neither was happy about Kirk’s diagnosis. James’ jaw was tight and he looked as if he was furiously chewing his tongue. Rob was more philosophical about the diagnosis.

“What the hell bought all this on?”. Said James angrily.

The others just looked at him, they all knew the answer but the burning question on everyone’s lips was why 1986? Why Cliff’s death? When it was Lani who had died.

“Kirk Lee never really got over Cliff’s death you know, there are still nights when none of you are with us when he still cries and I hear him raging around his room when he is home. Now this on top it hasn’t done him any favours”.
“Oh bless him I had no idea that he still cries about it” I said feeling a lump in the back of my throat.
“I did”. Said Lars quietly.
“Huh?”. Said James in surprise.
“Sometimes in his sleep…”. Lars said quietly again.
“Seriously?”. Asked James looking shocked.
“Seriously James, do you think I’d make some focking shit up about this?”. Sais Lars suddenly angry.
“Whoa dude, I’m just trying to get all this straight in my mind”. Said James looking hurt at Lars’ outburst.
“Lars calm down darling, I know your upset but there’s no point in taking it out on each other and blaming one another”. I said as calmly as I could.

One look at Lars and I knew he was blaming himself for all this. Kirk is Lars’ best friend and so close, but I knew that Lars had failed on many occasions to get Kirk to open up to him.

“Darling shall we go and get some air?”.

He just looked at me and nodded.

James’ P.O.V

“What we going to do dude?” I asked Rob.
“Just be there and support Kirk I suppose, not a lot else we can do to help mate”.
“I feel so fucking helpless standing by and just watching him”.
“I know I feel the same, but we’ve just got to let the doctors do their job”.
“Agreed, as much as I hate it”.

Ma was sat quietly watching me and Rob converse. I glanced at her she was pale but wonderfully calm. I wondered what she thinking.

“You alright Ma?”. I asked, crouching low in front of her.
“Yes thank you James, of course I’m very worried about Kirk Lee but there’s no use getting into a flap and using language”. She said looking directly at me I knew I’d boobed in saying “Fuck”.
“Forgive me Ma I forgot myself for a moment”. I said contritely.
“Never mind James, sometimes a little language helps”. She said lightly patting my shoulder.
“Thanks Ma”.

A while later Lars and Connie returned, I could see that Lars had been crying his eyes were puffy and he looked a little pale. I effected innocence and pretended not to notice.
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