| Burden; James/Lars, angst, one-shot, | |
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| Topic Started: Apr 27 2012, 11:57 AM (336 Views) | |
| Shamma | Apr 27 2012, 11:57 AM Post #1 |
Damage Case
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This is my first James/Lars fic. It's pretty short but I hope you enjoy it!  Sorry if there are any mistakes! After Napster. Concentrated blue eyes looked up from a lyric sheet only to notice a pair of olive green ones staring into space. James pursed his lips and furrowed his brow, confused by the depressed, absorbed expression Lars wore. Waving a hand towards Lars, James spoke softly, concerned. "Lars? You okay?" Lars broke his hypnotic gaze from the wall and stared at his lap as he shook his head, he smiled weakly. "I'm fine." "You sure?" "Yeah." Lars replied as he played with a loose thread on end of his shorts. James sighed, unconvinced. But he let it go, Lars looked like he wasn't in the mood to talk. Yet, the nagging, unavoidable voice continued to pick on him in the back of his mind. He stood there for a moment or two, contemplating with himself on whether or not he should start a conversation and force some words out of the Dane. But before he could even utter a word, Lars stood up from his seat, grabbed a box of cigarettes and headed towards the door that led to the balcony. As he heard the door close shut, James sighed once more and scratched his beard. He looked around and took a minute to analyze his surroundings; Kirk was playing around with his guitar and a motionless Jason remained napping in the sofa. Maybe it was better that Lars left the room; maybe it would be better to speak to him in private. James placed the paper aside on the stained coffee table and stood up. As he made his way towards the door, his hands turned sweaty and he grew nervous. James was well aware that there was something Lars was keeping to himself. He felt like he was overreacting like a worried mother, but he couldn't help it. When Lars kept things to himself, he would spend the next few days in a black hole of solitude, just staring blankly off to space while he ignored the people around him. He would come over, drum, record, leave, and repeat. It was like they were left with a robot. He wouldn't speak to anyone because he was mostly locked up in his own thoughts, not allowing anyone to enter them. But James was going to find a way to break through the barrier this time; he was going to find away to break through Lars. He exhaled once more as he opened the door only to find Lars staring over the balcony, his back facing James. Placing a comforting hand on Lars' shoulder, Lars flinched at the warm touch but instantly regained his posture after hearing James' voice. "Lars?" "Hm?" Lars hummed as his eyes continued to stare forward, not meeting James' worried gaze once. His fingers continued to tap a quiet and steady beat against the metal railing. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" "Not really." Lars answered, sounding bored. James sighed to himself, feeling helpless. But he continued to push through. "You're lying." James stated knowingly, his hand squeezing Lars' shoulder lightly. "No, I'm not." Lars replied bluntly. Goddamnit, stop lying to me Lars. "Look at me." James instructed. Lars continued to stare at the passing cars, ignoring James' command. "Look at me." Still, nothing was said. "Lars, please." James voice had considerably gone softer and quieter, almost like he was begging. "Look at me." A few minutes passed before Lars' tiny frame started to shake. His hands were around the balcony railing, white and pale around the knuckles from his steel-like grip. His head was facing the floor, almost like he was trying to hide it away from James' questioning eyes. James continued to stare, confused by the sudden change. He grabbed both of Lars' shoulders, turned him around and cocooned him into a warm, unbreakable embrace. Lars began to sob uncontrollably now, his hands turning into shaky fists as he clutched James' shirt tightly. Seeing Lars in this condition caused James' heart to ache painfully. He hugged Lars tighter, wishing he could squeeze the pain out of his tiny body. "Shhh... its okay Lars. Everything's going to be fine." James whispered softly against his ears as he stroked his hair repeatedly. Soon enough, Lars' sobs turned to sniffs and his body stopped trembling and went limp. He looked up at James with wet eyes, his expression a heartbreakingly sad one. "Why am I still here, James?" Upon hearing this, James' eyebrows raised in confusion. "Lars, what are you talking about?" "Look at me. Look at what I'm doing to our band, James. Look at what I'm doing to myself. I feel like I'm the most hated man in the universe. I crashed Metallica right into the ground. Every bad thing that has happened in the past few months is all because of me. I feel like I'm suffocating, I feel like I shouldn't be here. I feel like Metallica's better off without me. I feel like you're better off without me Before Lars could utter another word, James silenced him with a kiss and whispered into his ear. "Don't you for a second blame yourself, Lars. You haven't done anything wrong. Metallica will get through this. We will get through this together. We always do. Do you understand me?" Lars dug his face into James' shirt and breathed in James' musky cologne. He nodded. "I just... I hate seeing you like this, all stressed out and tired because of me." Lars whispered as he felt his throat constrict and eyes sting. "It hurts." "Shhh... Don't worry about me, Lars. I'm okay." James spoke in a hushed tone as he rested his lips on Lars' forehead. "We're all okay and by your side in every step of the way." They stood there at the balcony with their hands tied around each other. They breathed in each other, saw each other and only thought of each other. They were each other's renewed strength. And at that moment, Lars felt invincible with James by his side. He felt like he could get through anything because of James. Because of his James. Edited by Shamma, May 10 2012, 12:41 PM.
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| Sekhmet49 | Apr 27 2012, 01:08 PM Post #2 |
Blackened
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That's a very good first try! You made a great mix of angst, uncertainty, love, doubt, confidence, etc.... Good job! If I may...? you could deepen your descriptions of their attitudes, expressions, surroundings, etc... It'd help us to imagine the scene. At least that's what I think, hope I don't offend... |
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| Isis | Apr 27 2012, 05:14 PM Post #3 |
TEA + CUDDLES
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Okay I'm a sucker for these kind of stories. Vulnerable Lars + worried James = I also don't agree with Sekhmet to an extent. It's nice to have expressions and surroundings but what happens usually when a writer gets that kind of crit is to completely overcompensate and stuff in details that aren't needed and go on forever and ever and don't really provide anything. So I prefer to read something like this that had minimal details, because then you can grow from that. Also, show more, tell less. Don't tell us James is feeling sad or worried, show us how: in a look, a movement, a gesture, things like that. That's where the "more details" come from. But don't give us a page about what he's doing or seeing unless it gives something to the story itself. All in all, a good first James/Lars fic hon! Congrats! I think you got James's voice well, and Lars's too. With more practice you'll get them even more.  Good job!
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| Shamma | Apr 27 2012, 08:39 PM Post #4 |
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Damage Case
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Don't worry, you didn't offend me. I find that criticism is what makes a writer better. Thanks for the feedback! 
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| Shamma | Apr 27 2012, 09:02 PM Post #5 |
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Damage Case
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You assumed right, this is right after Napster, I'll add that on the top. Thank you so much for the feedback, I'll try to work more on expressing emotions through actions and such. I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for the criticism!
Edited by Shamma, Apr 27 2012, 09:03 PM.
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| Sekhmet49 | Apr 28 2012, 11:50 AM Post #6 |
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Blackened
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@Isis: That's what I had in mind actually, I just didn't express properly!  Good to know! And I completely agree with you, also there's a thread dedicated to discuss criticism in the writer lounge if you wann talk about it! |
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