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| Fade to Black; Het. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: March 17, 2006, 8:33 am (7,077 Views) | |
| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:52 am Post #16 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 16 I knew instantly that it was Lars; there was no mistaking his voice. “Bring him through!” I yelled out to Cliff as I quickly put my books away. Cliff walked in with little Lars following behind him. I think it was the first time I had seen him not wearing spandex or what Australian’s called stubbies. “Long time no see,” I said. “I could say the same thing about you.” He sat down at the other end of the couch, still starring at Cliff. “Stop starring at him Lars, he’s not a science project!” “Hi, my name’s Cliff…” they shook hands and then Cliff left the room, he still had more practise time left, and he didn’t give up his practise time for anybody. “My god woman!” “What?” ”Oh nothing, I’m just a little taken back all this. Why did he leave the room, he didn’t think I was being rude did he?” “Yeah, he probably did, but he left the room because he hadn’t finished practising yet…” “Oh yeah, Kirk told me he played guitar…” “What else did Kirk say?” “Not much, just that he had a son, he was 13, and that he’d grown up to be a good kid.” Lars hadn’t changed much, except for his lack of hair, but he still had the same eyes, same smile… “What are you starring at?” “Nothing… you were saying…” “I had to see it for myself, that’s why I came over…” “Curiosity isn’t always a good thing Lars.” “That’s not the only reason why I came here.” Suddenly he seemed very serious, he wouldn’t look at me, and he just looked at the floor. “You should have heard them last night, we’ve never heard them fight like that before?” “Who?” “Lani and Kirk.” “What the **** for?” “Something about you just wanting money, Lani wanting to see a DNA test, I was trying not to listen but it was right next door and very loud.” “And what does this have to do with me, and more importantly, with Cliff?” “She is trying to keep Kirk away from both of you.” “Well Cliff wants to spend time with him…” Cliff stepped out from behind the door. “You heard the whole thing, didn’t you?” “Look Mom, it’s no problem, so Kirk has a wife, big deal, he doesn’t have to see me.” “But he wants to see you, that’s why he’s fighting with her,” Lars said. Cliff came and sat down on the floor in front of us. “But doesn’t he love her?” “Of course he does, she’s his wife, but you’re his son, he’s own flesh and blood, and he really does care about you.” “He doesn’t even know me.” “He doesn’t have to. He wants to.” I had never seen Lars so insightful before, and it really was quite amazing. He had matured so much since the last time that I’d seen him. “What was he like when you first met him?” “Really, really shy, he barely said two words to me for like the first three months. He slept on the couch, worked at Burger King, and never had a girlfriend. He got along really well with Cliff though…” “What’s Burger King?” “Hungry Jacks.” I said, and then I let Lars continue his story. “I remember from the first time he picked up his guitar and started playing with us, we knew he was the guy, he was so ****ing talented.” “What was he like to tour with?” “Really drunk, really funny, after a while he came out of his shell, then he was like another one of us, he was great.” “Did he ever cheat on Mom?” “Not once, not ever, he wouldn’t, he loved her.” Lars smiled at me, I knew he wasn’t just telling me what I wanted to hear, because I knew that it was the truth. “Tell me about the night Cliff died…” “Wow, you don’t waste anytime asking silly questions do you kid?” Cliff smiled, he knew that he was a smart kid and he wanted his Dad’s friends to know that too. “Well everything is sort of a drunken blur, we were drinking while on our way to Copenhagen, and then we drew cards to see which bunk we all got. Cliff chose your dad’s bunk, because it was the best. Anyway, sometime during the night I was woken up by crap flying everywhere, and my finger hurt like all ****. Anyway, I climbed out a window and onto the road. I was standing there with James and your dad, and then we realised that Cliff was missing. James went over and started yelling at the bus driver, and I saw Cliff’s legs sticking out from under the bus. He was a bloody mess, but I think he was still alive. We weren’t a band anymore, our friend was gone.” “I’m sorry.” “Don’t worry about it kid.” “Do you still think about him?” “Every single day.” |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:53 am Post #17 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 17 There was a knock on the door and Cliff quickly got up to answer it. “He’s a good kid you know?” Lars said. “Of course I know, he’s great.” “When Kirk told me, I really didn’t believe him, but I guess it makes sense…” “You guess?” Lars never really made sense to me. He shrugged. I looked up, standing in the door way was Cliff, and towering over him, was James. “Let me guess, came to see if it was true or not? Had to see it for yourself?” I asked him, hands on my hips, giving him the ‘evil eye.’ “Nope, came to find Lars and get out of that damn hotel room.” He sat down on the couch in between me and Lars and Cliff planted himself on the floor in front of the couch. “What’s your name?” “Cliff.” “Hmmm… I like it.” Cliff starred up at him through his curly fringe, I could see him smiling. “So why did you have to escape the hotel?” Lars teased. “****, Lani and Kirk are practically at each others throats. You know what I’m like on tour, work all night, sleep all day, and they’re yelling and screaming in the next room and they wake me up!” “I thought you slept off a hangover during the day back then, why do you sleep during the day now?” I said. “Because I’m an old man now…” James said jokingly. I laughed at him, Lars laughed even harder. “Are they fighting because of me?” Cliff asked, he sounded very serious. “Listen kid, they’re fighting because Lani is loosing control, she’s not a ***** or anything, she just wants Kirk all to herself,” Lars explained. “But this is because of me.” James sighed and looked Cliff straight in the eyes. “None of this is your fault.” “So it’s true then, you’re like all mature now.” “Shut up…” James blushed. “Dude, you should hear Cliff play guitar! He’s awesome. Much better then you…” Lars always had a way of including a little insult into every compliment. “Dude, he’s 13!” “And you should go home and practise before he steals your job!” I laughed, Cliff blushed, and James looked incredibly angry. “I’m joking dude, he’s not better, probably at the same level!” James didn’t look any less angry. But Lars just laughed and moved slightly away from his on the couch. James had that ‘one more line and I’ll kill you’ look in his eyes. We continued chatting for what seemed like forever. Cliff had a lot of questions for James, but he was more interested in Metallica’s lyrics then anything else. It was as if every question he’d ever thought he might ask Metallica if he met them was suddenly spilling out. James didn’t mind, he was more then happy to answer his questions. “It’s so weird, all these chicks are always like ‘Kirk Hammett is so cute, you look just like him, blah blah blah,’ and the whole time they’ve been talking about my dad.” “What do they say about me?” Lars asked. Cliff just laughed. “That wasn’t very nice,” Lars said, he sounded kind of, hurt. “Dude, my friends are 13 and 14 year old girls, they want the baby face guys, you scare them.” James started laughing uncontrollably, and for a minute there I thought he was going to fall off the lounge. “Cliff, you are a legend!” Lars looked sour, but I couldn’t help noticing that he looked like he was about to laugh at any second. As always, I couldn’t figure him out. “Don’t forget,” James said, instantly turning his attention to me, “Big Day Out, on the Gold Coast, this Sunday. Here are your passes, there’s one for you, one for Cliff and five extras so Cliff can invite some friends or whatever.” James handed me the passes. “Why did you bring the passes if you thought it was a lie?” “Just in case.” I looked at James and smiled, he was still the very same guy I had known so long ago. “Kirk told me about some box of photos…?” James said. “Yeah, I remember that too. Photos of the old days, like when we all lived together…” Lars said, sitting forward, no longer sulking. “You guys lived together?” Cliff said. I had forgotten that there was so much he didn’t know. “Oh yeah, me, this fag over here…” “HEY!” “You guys were the one’s who kissed…” “We don’t talk about that anymore, remember?” “Right… anyway! Yeah Lars and me had our own rooms. Cliff slept in the garage. And your Mom and Dad slept on the couch.” “Really? The slept on the couch?” “Yeah for like two years.” “**** that!” “CLIFF!” “You’ve said worse in your time missy.” Lars scolded. “Yeah you’re right, swear away Cliff.” Cliff pulled out the shoebox of photos and the three of them looked through them, Lars and James took turns telling Cliff stories of the house, of the parties, of the tours, of Metallica. It was great to see Cliff so happy; he was smiling and laughing, and unfortunately telling them the most embarrassing stories back, but I didn’t really care. James and Lars had instantly fallen in love with Cliff, although I think Lars was a little jealous of his full head of hair. After they were done with the photos Cliff showed the guys his room. He especially wanted to show James his guitar. “That guitar isn’t that great dude…” “Yeah I know I couldn’t afford a better one.” “When’s your birthday?” “May…” “We’ll take you shopping tomorrow. After all I’ve never brought my favourite nephew a single birthday present, Christmas present or beer!” “Dude he’s 13!” Lars said. “Okay, so maybe the beer can wait a few years…” Cliff looked at me and smiled, he seemed so overwhelmed, and yet so happy. A cell phone started ringing. Lars fished around in his pocket, checked the caller id and walked out of the room, though it didn’t do much good because Lars always spoke so loud when he was on the phone. “What… dude that’s ****ed… **** her… you did the right thing… I don’t care about that ****… maybe she should have thought about that… dude, you should just come here…” Lars walked back into the room. He stood there for a moment, he seemed completely oblivious that every eye in the room was upon him. “Oh, Kirk’s on his way.” |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:53 am Post #18 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 18 I grabbed Lars by the arm and pulled him into the hallway, leaving James and Cliff to continue whatever they were doing. “Okay Lars, I need you to keep your voice down…” “I can do that… I think…” “What the **** is going on? First you turn up, and then James and now Kirk is on the way…” “Because the Kirk vs. Lani fights were practically on the verge of being pay per view!” “But from what I’ve heard and seen…” “The media bull****, its all bull****. Like me and Skylar…” “What about you and Skylar?” “Don’t wanna talk about it.” “Lars, it’s me, I knew you when you wore Spandex, when you still thought Thunder**** would have been a good band name, and when your hair was longer then mine…” Lars sighed and leaned against the wall. He wouldn’t look me in the eye, I knew it was serious. “It’s bad, no it’s ****ed. It’s not even worth staying together for the kids anymore.” “Why?” “It just fell apart.” I had never seen him so serious before, he looked so sad, so forlorn, and so utterly helpless. It wasn’t like Lars to be helpless, he was normally so in control, and when he wasn’t totally in control, well he pretended like he was. “What’s going to happen?” “Honestly? I don’t know. I’ve spent the last month sleeping in the spare room, the kids don’t know about it, they haven’t got a clue.” I had wanted to talk about me, but now it no longer mattered, Lars was in pain and I figured he could use someone to talk to. He had known James for such a long time, and so had I, so I knew that sometimes it was extremely difficult to try and reach out to him. “Well... what do you want?” I asked him. “God, to tell you the truth, I just want it all to be over. I want the stress and the aggrivation and the frustration just to go away, even for a minute. If we can salvage what is left of our marriage then great, if not… it was good while it lasted, at least it was good for a while, not lately…” “Lars.” “What?” “You’re mumbling.” “Oh, sorry.” His voice was so quiet, it was almost scaring me. “But I know what you mean…” “Why did you leave?” Lars looked me straight in the eye, he was deadly serious, I should have expected that question, but I didn’t, and I was sort of shocked by it. “Well, if you must know, I just couldn’t do it anymore. He’d get drunk or high and then stumble home at all hours of the morning, and then expect me to be totally awake and read comics with him, or watch when he went skateboarding, or go out with him, and for a while it was really fun, but after a while.” “Why did you change? You use to love hanging out, and you still did, but not as much…” “I changed because we all changed.” “You changed because of Cliff, you changed back in ’86, you were different the day you picked us up from the airport. And we loved you before then, and we loved you after then. We probably loved you more after then. You were like our mother. Thank you.” Lars kissed me on the cheek. I had always known that they had appreciated everything I did for them during that difficult time, I didn’t need a thank you, but it was nice. “You know you’re always welcome.” There was a knock at the door. “I’ll go and get it, we know who it is anyway.” Lars said, and he walked towards the front door. I walked into Cliff’s bedroom. Cliff and James were sitting on the bed, the guitar on Cliff’s lap as James was instructing him on the logistics of the Master of Puppets riff. “Dude, how do you play this and sing at the same time?” “I don’t know, I was always pretty drunk for the first few years that I played it live so I guess it’s just burnt into my memory now.” “Oh, hi Mom!” Cliff said, looking up from his lesson. “So you and the Dane had a little heart to heart did you?” “Yeah, sort of.” “What was that about heart to heart and Danes?” Lars said walking into the room, Kirk was following behind him. “Awesome room dude, sick guitar too.” Kirk said, he instantly began looking around, every poster, and every picture. Every piece of memorabilia. Kirk began to flick through the CD collection. “You have every single one of our albums!” “Yeah, good to see you don’t download kid.” Lars added. I could see that Kirk was holding something under his arm. “Me and James are going to go into lounge room.” “Yeah you guys need some ‘family time.’” James added, and with that, they were gone. I still stood in the doorway, but now Kirk moved over and sat on the bed next to Cliff. Cliff put his guitar down and paid his full attention to Kirk. “Okay, I know this isn’t much, but I wanted to give you this…” Kirk handed Cliff a really old shirt. It was small, and faded, and obviously had been through hell and back. “It’s my old Misfits shirt, I wore it the first ever gig I played with Metallica. It was my prized possession for so long, and I want you to have it, I know it isn’t much but…” “Nah, I love it… Dad.” They hugged, it was so sweet, I was so glad to see they were getting along so well. “First gig I ever play, I’ll wear this, I promise.” “I’d like that.” “Ummm… you and Mom probably have some things to sort out, so… I’ll go watch TV with James and Lars…” Before I even had a chance to say anything, Cliff had already scampered out of the room. “He’s right, we probably do have a lot to talk about…” Kirk said. I went over and sat next to him on the bed. “Probably…” “Lani left, she packed her bags and went.” “Oh, I’m so sorry.” I wasn’t just saying that either, I was very sincere. “It’s been coming for a while, and after she said that **** about you and Cliff just being after my money, well that was the final straw.” “But she’s your wife…” “And you’re my family. It wasn’t a hard choice to make.” “Cliff’s your family, I’m not.” “Come off it, ever since you left I’ve been trying to replace you and I can’t, I’ve been wanting someone else but there isn’t anyone else, it’s you and it always has been.” “You only been back in my life for what, two days, and it’s so complicated now.” “So…” “I lied to you, I cheated you out of seeing your son, I hid him from you for years…” “I can’t say I wasn’t pissed off at you for that. But I understand your reasoning, even if I don’t believe in it.” “I don’t deserve you.” “And I don’t deserve a second chance.” I looked down at the floor, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, everything was moving so fast. “What about Cliff? I can’t, and I won’t, put him through any unnecessary pain.” “Just think about it, please?” “You’ve been single for what, two hours?” “Sometimes you just know…” “Kirk…” “Just think about it, talk to Cliff. I don’t want an answer right now, I just want you to know that I still love you, and I always have…” |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:54 am Post #19 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 19 I walked out of Cliff’s room and into the lounge room, my head was totally spinning. “I’m just going to go and fix some stuff up for the weekend,” I told Cliff. He was sitting on the couch with James and Lars on either side watching TV. “Can we go out to dinner with the guys? They want us to meet Rob. Please?” “Sure, sure. I’m just going into my room for a little while, okay?” “No problem Mom. The guys are just gonna hang out here for a while, is that alright?” “Yeah, that’s fine.” I walked out of the room and straight into my bedroom. I closed the door behind me and flopped onto the bed. I felt like I just wanted to cry, I wasn’t sad or depressed, everything was just so overwhelming. I found myself humming the tune to fade to black. No one was dying, and I certainly didn’t want to die, but everything was changing so fast, and just like in the song yesterday seemed as though it never existed. Kirk, there had never been anyone else, I had never loved since him, and I wanted so desperately just to be with him, but it was complicated. I had Cliff to think about. Sure he was a good kid and sure he could take care of himself, but I didn’t want to put him through anymore stress or anymore hurt. And we were doing fine. I wanted to scream out loud, everything was building up inside of me, every feeling, every emotion, everything I had suppressed over the last 13 years was quickly coming back, and I just wanted to let it all go. And then again I couldn’t understand why he’d even want a relationship with me. I had done him wrong, I had done them both wrong, and they both wanted me in their lives. Cliff had never once asked about his father, I guess from an early age he had just accepted the fact that there wasn’t a father around so there was no point in asking. We’d done it tough, but we’d made it. Cliff and I had a great relationship, I helped him, he helped me, and I was so grateful that he was my son. Then there was Kirk, he had changed so much since the last time I had seen him, and yet in so many ways he was still the same. He was so mature, and so thoughtful. He was so calm and in control. And he was forgiving. So surprisingly forgiving. There was a knock on the door. I instantly sat up. “Come in!” I yelled. The door opened slightly and Cliff looked at me with his big brown eyes. I patted the bed next to me and Cliff walked in, closed the door and then sat down beside me. “Are you okay Mom?” “Just a little overwhelmed.” “I think I know what he said to you.” “Really?” “Yeah, James was talking to me about it when you and Lars were talking…” “Did he really?” “Yup. So what are you going to do?” “If you’re worried about me, don’t be. I want you to be happy and I want us to be a family. A real family.” “Go on…” I said. “I don’t want part time parents, I don’t want to be shipped between America and Australia. I want to be able to see both of you, whenever I want.” To anyone else this would have sounded very selfish in a way, but what I had done to him was selfish, and I wanted Cliff to be happy. “What about your friends?” I asked. “I’ll make new friends, and family is way more important. Mom, I’ve just found out that I actually have a Dad, and I have a Dad who wants to be a part of my life, and a part of yours. I don’t want to lose this chance. And I don’t want you to lose this either. I can see it, after all these years, you still love him.” “How can you see it?” “Mom, he rocks up after how long and you still give him the time of day?” “I guess you’re right…” “Think about it… please?” “I’ll think about it, I promise.” “Now stop being anti-social and come out and sit with us… Dad’s gone back to the hotel to get Rob, he won’t be back for an hour. He has to get ready to go out or something.” “Go out?” “With us, for dinner, remember?” “Oh yeah, must have slipped my mind.” I stopped being anti-social and went out to the lounge room. “Australian TV is so boring…” Lars complained. “And your homemade shows, hilarious!” James added. “It’s not that bad!” Cliff said. I could see that he was growing comfortable with the guys. “Yeah, it is!” Lars said. “Okay, it kinda is.” We all just sat and talked for a while until Kirk returned with Rob. Kirk had done his hair and changed into a button up shirt and his nicest pair of jeans. “Oh, this is Rob, Rob this is my son Cliff…” “Hey.” “And my…. My….” “I’m Cliff’s Mom, you can call me Claire.” “Very pleased to meet you both.” “Well are we going? I think Cliff was saying something about Lone Star being nearby.” Lars said. “Thank god, I’m starving!” James said. “How are we getting there, we can’t all fit in one car.” Rob commented. “That’s fine,” Kirk said, “on such a nice night like tonight, we’ll walk.” |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:54 am Post #20 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 20 Rob, James and Lars ran ahead, it was really obvious that they were starving. I walked with Kirk and Cliff, we weren’t in any sort of a hurry. “How will they know where to go?” Cliff asked. “You said it’s just up here on the main road, bout 500 metres?” Kirk asked. “Yeah, that’s right,” Cliff said, we were walking at a rather leisurely pace. “Then they’ll find it, James can sniff out a steak a mile away?” “Really?” Cliff sounded amazed by what Kirk had said. Kirk laughed. “Not literally, but pretty close.” It was a twenty-minute walk at the pace we were walking, not too slow, not too fast, just the right speed to have a decent conversation. “So how do you like school?” Kirk asked him. “Yeah it’s alright, pretty boring sometimes though.” “Do you have a favourite subject?” “Yeah music. We did a study on the history of modern music. And the teacher refused to mention Metallica pre-black album. So I brought in every article I had that had an artist mentioning anything before black album. Then she said that Cliff Burton was overrated as a bassist. Then I said ‘I’m named after him’ and then she said, ‘well your parents must be idiots.’ I said some things to her, and got suspended for a week.” “It’s good that you like music, but don’t do that again,” Kirk said. “Why’s that?” Cliff asked. “Because then you’ll be Lars’ new favourite person, and he can get really irritating.” I tried to hold back laughter, Kirk had a way of being hilarious when he was trying so hard to be serious. “I’m not normally like that, but when she said that about Mom, that made me really mad.” “I understand, you stuck up for yourself, and for your mother, that’s good.” Cliff just shrugged, he wasn’t an angry guy, or a violent guy, but he did stick up for himself, and I admired that about him. “So do you work Claire?” Kirk asked me. “Yeah, but I’m on holidays at the moment.” “She’s a nurse.” “Really? That’s cool. Makes sense, you did spend almost 7 years cleaning us up after every fall and every injury and every sickness.” “Do you remember James when he broke his arm? ‘It’s itchy, it’s itchy!’ And then he tried to scratch under the cast with a fork, and it got stuck in there?” I said. “Didn’t he do that twice?” Kirk said, it wasn’t surprising that he didn’t remember, he had once said that the first few tours were a drunken blur. “Yeah, but the second time was with one of Lars’ sticks, god was Lars pissed!” We all started laughed, there were so many great memories. “It sounds like you guys had a lot of fun back then,” Cliff said after we’d all stopped laughing. “Yeah, we did,” I replied. “How did you guys meet?” Cliff asked. “In a bar, after a show,” I said, it wasn’t romantic, but it was the truth. “Mom, were you a groupie?” “She was never a groupie, ever. In fact, I chased her.” “Really, but you were a rock star?” “Not back then I wasn’t. I was sleeping on the couch, working at Burger King, and when we were on tour I was living off $10 a day.” “So Mom was better off then you were back then?” “She sure was.” “And what about when she moved in?” “Wow, she was the best, she cooked, cleaned, shopped, took care of all of us when we were sick, she’d be there after the show, she’d listen to our stories… I remember Cliff would come into the living room at like 3am, high as anything, I’d just roll over and refuse to talk to him, but your mother, she would sit there and listen to everything he had to say. And I don’t mean she’d just sit there, she would listen, take it all in. Then the next morning at the breakfast table, while your mom would be cooking us pancakes, Cliff would always say ‘dude, your girlfriend is the coolest.’” “Yeah, James did say that you were pretty cool Mom.” And with that we arrived at the restaurant. Lone star. “What does this place even serve anyway?” Kirk asked. “Oh you know, steak…” Cliff said. “Oh ****, you’re vegetarian now… well I’m sure they’ll have something for you,” I said, but in reality I wasn’t entirely sure. The guys were waiting for us at the door. “Hurry up! I’m hungry!” Lars whinged. “Oh calm the **** down, goddammit!” Kirk yelled as we climbed up the stairs to meet them. They all went inside except me and Lars, he was indicating that ‘we had to talk.’ “So, what the **** is going on?” “I don’t know, I really don’t.” “He wants you back, doesn’t he?” “I think so.” “And what do you want?” “I don’t know.” “Well, you better hurry up and decide, because after Sunday we’re out of here. So you have but a few days to decide.” “But…” “No buts, we have a job to do, and the tour doesn’t stop because of you Missy.” It was a lovely dinner, Kirk did find something that he could eat on the menu, and there was great conversation. I had found out that Rob too was a very nice guy, and he had spent the afternoon shopping for presents for his family. “We’re all family men now,” James said, smiling at Kirk. “Yeah, I guess we are now.” “It’s so weird, seeing you guys all grown up and mature, if I had of told you guys that you would one day be married and have kids…” “We never would have believed you Claire.” James said. “****, I still don’t believe you,” Lars said with a big smile. “So, what happens now?” James asked. “What do you mean, what happens now?” I asked. “I guess a lot of things still need to be worked out then,” Lars said. We finished dinner and began to walk back to my house. This time Cliff ran ahead with the other guys, he had really grown fond of them. “What did Lars mean by ‘things need to be worked out?’” I asked. “Look, we leave Brisbane on Sunday, after that I don’t know what will happen. I don’t want to leave you and Cliff behind, I want you to come with us.” “Go with you where?” “I want you to come home.” “Back to America?” “Yes, to live with me again.” “I don’t know, there’s still so much to figure out.” “And there’s not enough time to simply sit around and wait for things to change.” “We’d have to take things slow…” “Okay.” “And I don’t know if we could live together straight away…” “Well you and Kirk could have the house and there’s a guest house that I’ll stay in for a while if you want…” “I guess we’ll figure out the logistics of it all when we get home…” “Really? You’ll move to San Francesco with me? And we’ll be together, you, me and Cliff?” “Yes!” Kirk skipped up the street. “She said yes!” James and Lars both turned around at the same time. “Really?” Lars asked. “YES!” Kirk yelled out. “You’re coming home kid!” James said putting his arm around Cliff’s shoulders just as Kirk stopped in front of them. “You have a real family now.” Kirk said. |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:55 am Post #21 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 21 We went back to the house, the guys sat down to watch some television and I decided that it would be a perfect opportunity to have a quick conversation with Cliff. “Are you sure this is what you want?” I ask Cliff as I closed his bedroom door. “Mom, I have dreamed about having a real family for as long as I can remember, of course this is what I want.” “Okay, because I don’t want to force you into something you don’t want to do.” “Don’t worry, I really want to go.” “What about your friends?” “Not important, we’ll keep in touch.” “School?” “Dad said I can have a break from school until we get to the states, and then we’ll figure something out.” I couldn’t argue with sound logic. “What about moving? It’s pretty stressful.” “It won’t be. All we need to pack is our clothes and the things that are really important to us, and then Dad will pay for removalists to come in and do the rest.” Kirk really had things worked out, he must have put a lot of thought into it. “Well I guess we’re all set then.” “You better get packing Mom, we leave on Sunday.” “Don’t worry Cliff, I’ll be ready.” I made my way out to the living room, Rob, James and Lars were sitting on the couch and Kirk was sitting on the floor. They were watching Jackass on MTV. Lars was in the middle, holding the remote and laughing his head off. It was getting late, coming close to midnight, and I really needed sleep. “Are you alright?” Kirk asked, looking up at me from the floor. “Yeah, just a little tired, and I have a lot to do tomorrow, packing a stuff.” Kirk motioned for me to go over to him, and I did. I sat next to him on the floor, he looked very serious, I guess it was a serious moment. “There will be no packing, I will take care of it. Just bring your bass and your photos.” “Why?” “I wouldn’t want them to get wrecked.” “Will you be quiet we’re trying to watch this!” Lars yelled. “It’s my house!” I yelled back. “Even more reason to be quiet, we are your guests!” James added, trying to sound offended but coming off sounding stupid. Cliff walked into the room. “What are you guys fighting about?” “We’re not fighting, Lars just likes to talk REALLY loudly,” Rob said. Cliff smiled and came over to sit down. “You can sit over here,” Kirk said, patting the floor on the other side of him. “Oh hey look at the time, we should all go, right now, except Kirk…” James said, not so subtly. “Yeah, right now.” Lars added, he was already headed for the door. And before I could even blink they were already out the door and on the phone organising a lift. We all climbed up onto the couch, though none of us were really watching TV anymore. Kirk now had the remote and was just flicking channels. “Hey Dad, do you want to go surfing tomorrow?” Cliff asked. “You know how to surf.” “I lived on the Gold Coast for like 4 years, I know how to surf.” “Okay, then tomorrow we surf.” “Well then if I’m getting up early in the morning I’m going to bed now…” Cliff got up and walked towards the door. “Good night Mom, good night Dad.” For ages Kirk and I just sat there, watching TV but not really watching, sitting there in uncomfortable silence, neither of us knowing what to say. “He’s a good kid.” “I know.” “You know I always imagined what it would be like to have a kid, and I know I’ve missed out on a lot, but it’s still great to finally find that missing part in my life.” “He’s the missing part in your life?” “You both are.” He pulled me close to him, putting his arm around me, it was so good to be near him, his skin was so smooth and soft; he was just like I remembered. We sat there for hours; we didn’t need to say anything, there was no need for words. We were taking things one step at a time, I didn’t want to rush things and ruin it all. It was no longer just about me and him. “It’s 4am!” I exclaimed, realising the time. I had been so totally consumed and content to simply sit there with him that I had forgotten about the time. “You should get some sleep, you get cranky when you don’t get enough sleep.” “What about you?” “I’ll power nap on the couch, it’s fine. I’m tough, I don’t need to sleep.” I started to get up from the couch. Kirk grabbed my hand. “This is for real this time isn’t it, you and Cliff are coming to San Francisco aren’t you?” “Of course we are…” “I don’t want to lose either of you again.” “You won’t, I promise.” I said, I kissed him on the cheek and walked towards the hallway door. “You sure you don’t want a pillow?” “After that kiss, I could sleep on a bed of nails and still be completely content.” |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:55 am Post #22 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 22 It was late afternoon when he came into my room; I could smell the seawater on him. “Cliff get out!” I yelled, still half asleep, not really angry, just overly tired and therefore grumpy. I half-heartedly threw a pillow at him. “Still not a morning person I see.” I recognized the voice and was instantly awake. “Kirk, sorry, I just…” “Hate it when people come into your room when you’re sleeping.” He was wearing black boards shorts with red flames up the sides and a white cotton shirt that had intricate patterns all over it. “Where did you get the shirt?” “Oh this one? The Philippines.” I stretched and threw my legs over the side of the bed while turning my head to try and see the clock. “It’s 2 o’clock.” “2 o’clock! You guys let me sleep that long?” “Well me and Cliff left at 5am, went surfing, then James took him shopping and brought him a new guitar while me and Lars got some lunch. And then Lars and James took Cliff back to the hotel and I came to get you.” “Are we in any sort of a hurry?” “Nope, don’t think so.” “Then come over here and sit down, you look so tired.” Kirk walked over and practically collapsed onto the bed. “How do you keep up with him? He’s so young and full of energy.” “Imagine how he was when he was even younger!” “He woke me up at 4.30! I had just fallen asleep. And then when we got down to the coast he was on, straight away, he’s such a better surfer then me.” “Did he give you a bit of a run for your money?” I asked looking down at him. “He sure did goddammit!” I laughed and fell back onto the bed beside him. I looked him right in the eyes and he smiled. “You’re still the same you know, same eyes, same smile, same voice, nothing has changed…” he said. “Have you changed?” I asked. Kirk placed his hand on my hip, his skin was so soft and his touch was so gentle. “I promise you, no drugs, no stumbling in drunk at 3am, no more trashing hotel rooms, no more selfish Kirk. I promise I will be responsible.” “And I promise I won’t be so uptight anymore.” “Oh thank god!” Kirk laughed and I blushed. “I’m not that bad am I?” “Nah, not really.” Kirk’s phone started ringing, he fished around for it in his pocket for a second before he found it and then, without moving at all he answered it. “Hello? Who is this? For Christ sake… no you walked out… just get your stuff and get out of my house… I don’t care… I don’t want you in my life anymore… I don’t… nope… not important… can’t our lawyers talk this through… look I don’t want to hear from you ever again unless it’s in court… you do that.” He hung up and put his phone back in his pocket. “Lani?” “Yup. ‘Can’t we work this out, I’m really sorry, you could see him on the holidays’ not good enough.” “I’m not the reason…” “It’s been coming for a long time, plus hasn’t Lars already filled you in on all of this?” “Yeah, sort of…” Kirk laughed, we both knew Lars couldn’t keep anything to himself. “Lani just doesn’t understand, I cared about her, hell I still do, but I’m not in love with her anymore, I have my family now, you and Cliff, and that’s what matters to me. And her calling me up yelling at me doesn’t make her look any better in my eyes.” “Let’s not talk about it, if it’s going to end up in court and stuff, well then we’ll talk about it.” “Okay.” We both just lied for a while, looking at each other, as if we were both trying to think of something to say. He still had his hand on my hip, and I could hear him breathing. “Hey, do you have any pictures of Cliff when he was younger?” “That’s possibly the stupidest question you have ever asked me, of course I do,” I said as I sat up and reached into a draw of the bedside table. Kirk and I sat on the bed with about five photo albums all open around us. “And that’s Cliff on his fifth birthday… there he is with his first guitar…” “Wait you got him a guitar when he was five?” “Sure did.” “What a lucky kid…” We looked over almost 100 pictures, I explained to Kirk each and every one of them and he simply looked on in amazement. “These are great pictures, sure wish I had of known him then…” “Yeah, I’m really sorry.” “It’s okay, really, it is…” We finished looking at the albums and I proceeded to put them away. I went back over to the bed and sat back down next to him. He instantly grabbed me and pulled me close to him, wrapping his arms around me. His skin was so smooth next to mine, and I could feel his heart beating. “You did such a great job raising Cliff, he’s a really great kid you know, and I’m not just saying that.” “Yeah, I know.” “And the guys adore him! James spent like $1,000 on a new guitar for him, simply because ‘he’s got potential.’ And Lars, Lars can’t get over how funny he is. And Rob keeps saying how polite and well mannered he is, ‘nothing like my kids’ he keeps saying. It’s so great to have him around.” “He was worried about them not liking him.” “Oh they don’t like them, they love him! And so do I. He’s so smart, and so funny, and such an awesome guitarist. He has a real gift.” “Must be in his blood or something.” “Whatever, I’m not that great…” Kirk said. “Will you stop that!” I yelled. “Stop what?” “The ‘I’m not good enough, I’m not handsome, I don’t know why people like me’ bull****, you’re a great guitarist, hence why you’re in the top 100, you’re amazingly good looking and you just get better with age, that’s why I’m still here and there are thousands of girls that would KILL to be where I am right now, and people like you because you don’t have the ego going on. You’re a great guy!” I finished my rant and let out a little sigh. “You really believe that?” He asked me, looking down at me with a very serious look across his face. “Damn straight I do!” “Well, maybe you’re right, but I don’t want to get big headed…” “I don’t think you have any sort of ego problem.” We continued talking for a while, about everything. About what had happened with him since I left, about what had happened to me since we split, how he had found me, why he called. The whole time we were talking I didn’t move at all, I was quite content to simply stay in his arms forever, but I knew I couldn’t. “Shouldn’t we get going, the others will get… suspicious…” I said. “So let them think…” Kirk lifted my chin softly with his fingertips, and then, we kissed. |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:56 am Post #23 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 23 We were lying in bed, I quickly slipped on whatever shirt I could find, but Kirk seemed happy just to lie there in nothing and just have the sheet up to his waist. I traced over his tattoos with the tips of my fingers, I couldn’t believe he was in such great shape even after all these years. “These weren’t there before…” I said, still kind of in a daze. “’95” He said pointing to the writing on his stomach. “’96” He said pointing to his hot rod flames that went from his sides and up his hips. “Isn’t this all going a bit too fast?” I said, I guess I was still feeling a little unsure of everything that was going on. “In all honesty?” He asked. I looked up at him and nodded. “I… don’t know… I mean we have a lot of history, and we will be living together… so I don’t think we are…” “Because I don’t want you to think of me as a…” “If you say slut I will punch you in the face!” “No you wouldn’t!” “No, I wouldn’t, but I probably wouldn’t talk to you… for like 5 minutes!” And so I let go, I refused to care about what was happening and just go with it. If I spent every moment worrying about what other people would think then I’d never have moments like these again. “****! Look at the time!” Kirk said, pointing at the clock, it was already 5pm! Seconds after he said that there was a knock at the door, followed by “open the door Kirk” in that familiar Danish accent. “So Lars still just appears on peoples doorsteps when he’s not invited?” “Yeah, pretty much, he seems to just know when it’s really inappropriate to turn up, and just turns up anyway.” Kirk jumped out of the bed just as the knocking became louder, Lars quite obviously wanted to get inside. Kirk slipped into his board shorts and went running towards the door. “Shouldn’t you be wearing a shirt dude, there are children present.” “I know you’re a little immature Lars but you must remember you’re an adult now.” “Do I hear a hint of sarcasm Kirky?” “No Lars, I honestly thought you didn’t know that you are 40 year old man.” I could tell by their voices that they were walking down the hall now, and as they came closer to my room I jumped off the bed and threw myself towards the door, quickly locking it. Time for a shower. I had a nice long relaxing shower, got changed and then ventured out of my room. I could hear Lars and Kirk talking, their voices coming from down the hall. I looked in their direction, they were both standing outside Cliff’s room. “What are you guys up to?” I asked. Lars was wearing a pair of board shorts and a white wife beater, and Kirk was still half-naked. “Nothing, the little guy is just getting changed, and we being the caring people that we are, are waiting patiently outside his room…” Lars said, I didn’t trust his answer. Lars always had this look on his face that made him well, untrustworthy. “Why are you were board shorts, you didn’t even go to the beach!” “This is Australia, everyone wears board shorts!” “Right…” “So while the boys out of the room, what did you two get up to huh?” “I can hear you talking Lars!” A muffled cry came from Cliff’s room. “See, he can hear you, because you talk so ****ing loud!” Kirk said. He walked towards me, we were no longer shouting down the hallway, I was now standing quite near them, at least near enough to have a normal conversation. Kirk kissed me on the cheek and started walking towards my room, presumably to get his shirt. “Wow, look at you two, kisses on the cheek, normal conversation, spending all afternoon alone…” Lars said, though he was now talking a lot softer. “Yeah, it’s good.” “And you don’t think it’s a little… you know… too fast?” “Nope and I don’t think it’s… you know… any of your business!” “Okay, okay, just saying…” Cliff’s door opened and he appeared with two huge bags, and his old guitar in it’s case slung across his shoulder. “Okay, we ready to go?” he asked. “Dude, you’re gonna need help with those bags,” Lars said “I’ll give James a call.” I glared at him. “What, I’m not a pack horse!” Lars had always been lazy. Kirk appeared from out of my room with all my bags (which I had packed the night before) and he was now wearing his shirt. “Dude you better call James, there’s no way I can carry all this **** out to the car by myself.” “Yes they do have a lot of stuff…” Lars appeared to be deep in thought, “I better call Rob as well…” The guys made their way over, and Kirk, Rob and James loaded all our stuff into the back of the minivan James had borrowed for the afternoon. Lars stood over with Cliff and started talking to him about System of a Down, they were both big fans. I simply looked around the house, picking up any trinkets that I didn’t trust removalists with. “Everything’s done,” Kirk said to me. “Okay, I’ll be out in a minute,” I replied. I walked over to the cabinet that held my precious bass. I had never played it, I really didn’t know how, but it was my most prized possession. I pulled my keys out of my pocket and fiddled with them for a few seconds until I found the tiny key that would fit the lock. Slowly, I unlocked the cabinet and gently opened the door. I pulled the bass out and suddenly so many memories came flooding back, memories of the friend that I missed so dearly. I walked out of the house, totally in a daze. James fished the bass out of my hands and gingerly placed it into the minivan. We got back to the hotel and Kirk went up to the front desk. “I’m going to need a bigger room,” he told the woman. “A separate room both the woman and child?” she asked. “Nope, just one for me and my girl and one room for my son.” “You mean I get to have my own room?” Cliff asked. “Of course.” “Excellent.” Everything was beginning to look up, we were a real family. I watched as James and Lars took Cliff up to James’ room to mess around on Cliff’s new guitar. Kirk and I followed them and Rob was close behind. Rob seemed kind of quiet, but he was a nice guy, he obviously missed his family very much. We spent the afternoon all hanging out, it all still seemed so surreal, everyone was so different, well everyone except Lars, and it was great being around them again. |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:56 am Post #24 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 24 The hotel was nice. Kirk took me up to the new room, the hotel staff was just bringing his stuff in. “I was about to go and grab all that myself,” he told them, pulling out his wallet. “It’s quite alright Mr Hammett,” one of them said. “No, I insist,” Kirk said, handing a fifty dollar note over to each of the four hotel workers. They put the bags down beside the bed and then began to walk out of the room. “Thank you Mr Hammett,” they each said as they walked out of the room. “Any idea as to when the rest of the luggage for this room will come up?” Kirk asked the last hotel worker as he began to leave the room. “Not exactly sure exactly what time but it will be within the hour sir.” “Thank you.” Then, we were alone. “What do you think of the room?” Kirk asked as I walked over to the window to enjoy the ocean view. “I must say it’s a lot nicer then the hotels we use to stay in.” “Well now I can treat you like a princess, I can treat you the way you deserved to be treated. Cliff too.” “Let me guess, together we will have a great life?” I said, turning around to face him as he began to make his way over to me. He wrapped me up in his arms, holding me tightly in his warm embrace. “Together we will live a very lovely life.” “Are you happy?” I asked him, looking up for any sign of what he was feeling. “I have never been happier, well I have been…” Sometimes, I simply did not understand what Kirk was going on about, this was one of those times. I gave Kirk a look that indicated he really needed to explain what he was going on about. “Well, there is the day we got married, I was pretty damn happy that day…” We hung out in the room for a few hours, Kirk found a pack of playing cards above the mini bar and so we decided to play a little poker before venturing out into the world. He was always much better then I ever was, but it was still a lot of fun. The sun was going down outside and there was a knock at the door. I walked over to answer it and there was Cliff and Rob. “Hey Claire, Cliff couldn’t find the room, so I helped him out,” Rob said. “Thanks, come on in guys,” I said, leading them into the room. The room was huge, with two bedrooms, a large living area, kitchen, balcony, two bathrooms, a little entrance area with a cupboard for people to put their shoes in. It was like an apartment. “Cliff your room is right through there,” I said, leading him down the hall, “I’ve already put your bags and stuff in there for you.” “Thanks Mom, I’m just gonna check on some stuff, okay?” “Sure, knock yourself out.” Cliff walked into his room and Rob and I went into the living room area. Once again, Kirk was walking around without a shirt, though this time it was simply because it was so darn hot. Australian summers are guaranteed to be sweltering. “None of the guys ever told me that you guys had a son,” Rob said sitting down on the couch. “None of us ever knew,” Kirk said. “Really?” I nodded. “Wow…” “Thanks for helping back at the house,” I said, quickly changing the subject. “Hey, it’s not a problem, we all know there was no way Lars was helping.” Rob laughed, he seemed like such a quiet guy, helpful and reserved, and he could be hell funny when he wanted to be. I liked him; he seemed to be just what they needed to pull themselves back together again. Cliff walked into the room and made himself comfortable on one of the other couches. “Dad do you ever where a shirt?” Cliff asked. “How do you people live in this heart, I’m sweating just standing here, and there’s a fan right on me!” I laughed, he was right, it was hilarious. “Did your tattoos hurt?” Cliff asked, he was such a curious kid. “Yeah, I cried like a girl.” “Cool, can I get one?” “Maybe when you’re older,” Kirk said, “but hell when you’re 18 you can do whatever the hell you want.” Rob just sat there and watched, a big grin on his face. “Man I wish my family all got along like this all the time,” he said. “Dude, your kid is a couple of months old, his crying isn’t a personal attack on you!” Kirk said taking a seat and moving the fan over slightly so the cold air was hitting him directly in the face. “If you’re hot now imagine how you will be on Sunday, hot sun in your face, sweating, no fan, pyros going off right beside you…” I teased. “Oh god I think I’ll pass out…” “Well I better be going, I’m suppose to be giving home a call around about now…” Rob said as he stood up. “Alright, well it was nice of you to come around,” I said. “Hey, no problem. You coming around tomorrow morning little dude?” Rob asked Cliff. “Jammin’ in the morning?” Cliff replied. “Yeah, me, you and Lars I think.” “Be there at 9.” “Make it 10, Lars has to sleep or he gets grumpy.” “See you then.” Cliff, Kirk and I went down to the hotel restaurant for a light dinner. Kirk was pleasantly surprised to find that Cliff was a huge Hendrix fan, and so he told him that one of his proudest moments was playing on the very same stage as Hendrix had years before him. Cliff then commented how he loved the acoustic beginnings on heaps of their really old songs, especially Battery. “You like Battery huh?” “Hell yeah, it’s one of my all time favourite songs!” “What’s your favourite?” Kirk asked. “Master of Puppets, for sure. It was the first song I learnt to play from start to finish.” “How old were you when you did that?” “Ummm… 11?” Kirk looked like he was about to choke. “11! Wow, dude, you have a gift!” “Thanks Dad. Mom really encouraged me to play, not that she forced it on me, I love to play, she just really helped. Brought me CDs, paid for my lessons, brought me my very first guitar….” “Yeah, your Mom really is something else…” Kirk said, smiling at me from across the table. We finished eating and then began walking up the stairs to our room. “So seeing as I missed Christmas by like a month, is there anything you’d want for a belated Christmas gift?” Kirk asked Cliff as we were walking down the hall towards our room. “Nope, I have everything I could ever want…” |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:57 am Post #25 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 25 I woke up the next morning, it was Saturday and I was feeling so lazy. It was already 10 and Kirk was still asleep. I walked into the kitchen and made myself some coffee. I was still wearing what I had slept in, a loose fitting metal shirt and a pair of boy leg shorts, and I leant on the counter as I sipped my coffee. I could hear that Cliff was already practising, so I walked down the hall, mug still in hand, to go and talk to him. “What have you got planned for today?” I asked, leaning on the doorframe. “Just hanging out with Rob and Lars, and Dad said me and him might do something this afternoon,” he said, not once looking up from his guitar. “Sounds like a busy day,” I said. “Yeah, then tomorrow is the big day out, I’m so excited!” “You called your friends about coming?” I asked. “Yeah, but they don’t want to, I think they’re upset that I’m just up and leaving,” he said softly. “Don’t worry about them, they’re certainly not worth it,” I said. Cliff put down his guitar and looked up at me. “But they’re my friends…” “If they’re not supportive of you wanting to have a real family then they’re not good friends,” I said, still leaning in the door way. “Okay,” he said, smiling a little. “You better get going soon, it’s almost 10.30,” I said. “Yeah, I’ll get my stuff ready soon.” “Okay, have fun today.” “I will.” I turned to start walking away. “Oh and Mom…” “Yes?” “I love you.” “Love you too Cliff.” I walked back over to him, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and then went back to the kitchen. Cliff left soon after, with his guitar and his amp, one under each arm, he looked like he was struggling with them, but thankfully it was only a short walk down the hall. I walked back into the bedroom, Kirk was still asleep. I stood in the doorway for a few moments just watching him, he always looked so cute when he slept, so innocent and sweet. He began to stir, so I went and lied down beside him. Instantly he rolled over and put his arms around me. “What time is it?” he whispered. “11.” “Cliff has already left?” “About 5 minutes ago.” Kirk looked at me with sleep in his eyes and a smile on his face, he was quite obviously still half asleep. “It’s too hot to stay in bed all day…” I said. “Remember when you said ‘it’s too expensive to call from Europe everyday’ and I found a way to do it anyway, and remember that time when you said that I wouldn’t be able to drink that many beers in one sitting, and I did, and remember that time…” “The point?” “The point is I’m staying in bed all day, well at least for a few more hours, and you can either stay in bed with me…” “Okay, okay, you have convinced me.” I snuggled up to him, pulling him close to me. “Hold up for one second…” Kirk said quickly sitting up and turning to the bedside table. He fished around in the draw for a few minutes before pulling out a remote, and turning on the air-conditioner. “I can’t wait to get home and get out of this heat!” I smiled, Kirk was so sweet but such a whinger sometimes. “Can I hug you now?” I asked. “Yup, go right ahead…” The day went by quickly and in the afternoon Kirk took Cliff for a surf. I went shopping with James to buy his wife a present. “You’d love her, she’s so nice and friendly, she’ll love you too. I hope that you can be friends, she’ll be pretty upset about Lani…” We continued to walk down the street, it was late afternoon and the sun was just starting to go down. “So am I.” “What do you mean,” James asked pointing to a snack stand just near the beach, obviously, he was hungry. “Well, I never meant to come between him and his wife!” “You didn’t, he’s been thinking about this for quite sometime now, he was just lucky enough that you came along at exactly the same time as he was abandoning ship.” “Do you think he planned it, you know with the whole getting in contact after so many years thing?” I asked. We stopped at the snack stand and James grabbed some hot chips, I just got a coke. “In all honesty?” I nodded. “Nope, he wanted to make things right with you, maybe be friends, he never thought that…” “Thought what?” “Thought that after all these years that he’d still is in love with you. We’ve just been on the go for so long that he hasn’t had time to stop and think about anything really, and now he’s finding that he has all these issues. With Cliff, and with you…” “So he’s just going to make up for the past and then leave?” I was curious as to what James meant by all this. “He won’t leave, he loves you too damn much to ever leave you. I see it in his eyes whenever he talks about you, without you he crumbles…” “Crumbles?” “In 97 we started talking, I wonder what happened to this person, wonder what happened to that person, and then Jason said ‘I wonder what happened to Claire,’ well Kirk went so quiet, he just sat there, then he walked into the other room and started hacking into his hair with scissors, just cutting it all off. Lars ran in there and he had started cutting into his skin. People say he was high, and hell he probably was, but he missed you, he was depressed.” I was shocked, I had no idea that any of this had happened. “For a long time he was just going through the motions, even with Lani it felt like he was settling for second best, and so he just let her take over. Then he quit drugs, and drinking, and it was as if he realised that he was living a lie.” “How long has it been like this for, the fighting with Lani?” “Since the day he quit drugs, he just looked at his life and thought what the ****! But he couldn’t get out, because she was all he had. He didn’t have anyone else anymore, he doesn’t have family, he didn’t have kids (or at least he didn’t think he had kids) and other then her we were all he had. And Lars and I weren’t going to run away and be with him.” “What about Rob?” “It started before Rob. Kirk has found a good friend in Rob though.” “He’s a good guy.” “Rob?” “Yeah.” “Rob’s awesome.” We continued walking back towards the hotel, I was finding all of this so interesting, I had missed out on so much and there was so much that I knew Kirk was not strong enough to tell me. He had always been fragile like that. “What about Newsted?” “Yeah, we talk, sometimes. At first it was weird, the awkward phone conversations, the weird meetings, but now if I see him it’s cool.” “Do you think you and Newsted will ever be friends?” “Who knows…” |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:57 am Post #26 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 26 It was Sunday morning, and I was surprised to find that when I woke up at 9am Kirk wasn’t still asleep. I walked out into the living room to see him already dressed and fiddling with his guitar. From out of Cliff’s room came Lars and Cliff, Lars was laughing and Cliff had blushed bright red. “You’re an awesome guitar player dude but you obviously inherit your singing voice from your father, great back ups…” “And?” Kirk said turning around. “And you’re a great backup singer Kirky, just not a great lead.” Lars sat down on the other couch once again making himself at home. “Dad we were playing these awesome System of a Down songs it was so great!” “We played some stuff by the Offspring too, it was alright…” Lars said. “Don’t lie to me Lars, you loved it…” Cliff playfully snapped at him. “Yeah sure whatever…” “Lars, dude, what are you doing here… we leave in like an hour…” Kirk said, sounding very concerned. “Really? One hour?” Lars checked his watch, and to his horror, Kirk was right. “Oh ****! And James is still ****ing asleep!” Lars jumped up from the couch and practically sprinted out the door. “How does he know that James is still asleep?” I asked. “Who knows, they have like a James to Lars physic link or something,” Kirk said putting his guitar down. “Coffee anyone?” I asked walking over to the kitchen. “No thanks, but I’ll have a juice,” Cliff said. “Oh yeah, that sounds good, juice over here too,” Kirk said. Cliff went and sat beside him and began to tell his dad all about what he had gotten up to with Rob and Lars while I poured them both a glass of orange juice. It was so great to finally have a family. “Quick, get your guitar and get in the van downstairs, you too Cliff, and you better come as well Claire,” Lars suddenly ran into the room and started giving orders. “How did you get a key to this room?” I asked him, rather puzzled by the fact that he had just appeared out of no where. “No time for questions, get ready and let’s go, we have 5 minutes, ****ing Hetfield slept in, again!” Lars walked out again, slamming the door as he went. “Well you heard the Dane, let’s get going!” I got my stuff together quickly and was soon heading down to the lobby to meet the other guys. “**** paparazzi, right outside, ****!” Lars was really strung out. “We have nothing to hide, let’s go,” Kirk said. “Ummmm… hello, and even more so HELLO!” Lars said pointing first to me and then to Cliff. “My girlfriend and my son?” “Your girlfriend, who the world doesn’t know about, your 13 year old son, that the world has no idea about, and your lack of wife?” Kirk stood there for a few seconds trying to think of the best plan of action. And then he started to walk out the front door. “Are you coming?” he yelled at us. Lars pulled down his sunglasses and started walking, pulling out his pack of Marlbro reds and a lighter at the same time. “Don’t smoke kid,” he said looking at Cliff, “I’m way younger then your Dad and he looks like a baby compared to me because of these…” “I wasn’t planning on taking it up, but thanks for the advice.” “You’re welcome,” Lars was obviously very hung over. “Big night last night?” I asked him as we stepped out the doors. “What makes you ask that?” I was suddenly distracted by an odd clicking sound coming from the bushes. “Don’t look, that’s what they want from you,” Lars whispered. He was the expert, so I took his advice. Rob and James were already in the bus, we all piled in and I was happy that the bus was a lot more comfortable then any of the Metallica buses I’d ever been in before. I went and sat down with Rob and James to play some cards while Kirk showed Cliff around and Lars sat in a corner trying not to fall over. “Is he going to be alright for today?” I asked as James dealt. “Who Lars? Yeah, he’ll be right, he’ll be ****ed tonight though, lucky we’re travelling tonight,” James said. “Travelling, tonight?” I was confused, I had no idea about the schedule. “Yeah, we’re driving to Sydney. Don’t worry you guys can sleep where ever there’s plenty of bunks, and the couch folds out to a double. But no funny stuff in front of everyone.” “You’re still a sick minded individual I see.” “Yeah… Oh ****, Cliff is here, I better remind Lars to take down his wall of foam…” We arrived at the showgrounds and the atmosphere was electric. This was like no other festival I’d ever been to with the guys before. Everywhere I looked there were Metallica shirts, everyone was there to see them. Here they were in a foreign land, and they were legends. We didn’t stay in the crowd, everyone would recognize the guys, especially if they were all together so we went backstage straight away. We found the dressing rooms and got settled. Yumi from Channel V came into Kirk’s dressing room to interview him. They sat on the couch with the camera on him, and Cliff and I sat at the other end of the room playing cards. “Now there are rumours that you and your wife of almost 7 years have split, tell us about that,” Yumi asked. “Wow, news does travel fast,” Kirk said with a smile, he had never not answered an interview question before, and he wasn’t going to make an exception for this one, “yes Lani and I are no longer together, I had to make a hard choice and she wasn’t going to stand by me on that one.” “Okay, what was your proudest moment?” “I have just one, listening to my son play guitar, he’s amazing.” “Wait, you have a son?” Yumi said, she was incredibly surprised. “Yeah, I do, come over here Cliff!” Kirk yelled out. Cliff looked at me and I could tell that he was scared. “Go on,” I whispered, he smiled and walked over to where Kirk was. “Introduce yourself,” Kirk instructed his son, smiling at him. “Umm… hello world, my name is Cliff and I’m 13, and this is my dad.” Kirk looked over at me and smiled, I could see it in his eyes, he was so incredibly proud. “Well, thank you Kirk, thank you Cliff, and we’ll be hearing from you shortly.” The camera stopped rolling and Yumi looked at Cliff. “Wow, you look so much like your dad, it’s amazing! This is a big story, thank you so much for talking about it,” She said, now turning her attention to Kirk. Kirk stood and shook her hand. “No problem, you were very professional, now I’ve got to get ready, we’ve got a show to do, and you have three more band members to interview.” “Yes of course, thanks again Kirk,” Yumi said. “Always a pleasure.” We stood beside the stage, Cliff and I, watching as the show began. The energy on stage was electric, Rob was an awesome addition to the band, and the crowd was going crazy. They played every song perfectly and by the end of the show the crowd was begging for more. “You want more?” James cried out. “YES!” The crowd screamed. I saw Lars coming off stage and walking over towards me and Cliff. “Make us proud kid,” he said to Cliff before looking at a roadie who seemed to be doing nothing. “Get this kid one of Kirk’s flying Vs, right now!” “But Lars…” “No buts… Little Wing.” Before I knew what was happening Cliff was holding a guitar, shaking like a leaf where he stood and James was still teasing the crowd. “How would you like to meet Kirk when he was 13?” The crowd went silent, James had gone crazy. “Alright, alright, how about Kirk’s 13 year old son, playing Little Wing by Jimi Hendrix with us?” The crowd went crazy, although I’m sure half of them were about as confused as Cliff was. James walked over and grabbed Cliff by the arm and pulled him on stage with him, though Cliff didn’t resist. “Now this is Cliff Hammett, everyone say hello to Cliff,” James said into the microphone, a shaky Cliff standing right beside him. “HELLO CLIFF!” The crowd yelled. “And now I’m going to put my guitar down, and just do the singing, and Kirk my main man over there is gonna just do the rhythm guitar work, and my buddy here is gonna play with us, is that alright with you guys?” The crowd went nuts. “I said is that alright with you?” And Cliff began to play, Little Wing, my favourite song, and he played so beautifully, the crowd was insane, and when the others joined in everything just seemed so insane. People were screaming for more long after they were finished. “That’s all for now folks, thank you!” James yelled, and my boys and my son came off stage. “Mom! Mom! That was amazing!” “You did good kid,” I said hugging him. “You did me proud son, so very very proud,” Kirk said hugging him in turn. I was so proud, and so happy, it was one of the best days of my life. |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:58 am Post #27 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 27 We got on the bus almost straight away, to get to Sydney by the next night we’d have to drive all night and all day. Like James had warned us, Lars was totally screwed and went straight to his bunk as soon as we boarded. James and Rob watched some television and Kirk sat down with me and Cliff to play some cards. We had all grown to love my card games, and it was quickly becoming the main way to pass time. Seeing as they didn’t drink any more, they needed something to do on the bus. Kirk dealt, we were playing poker again, just for fun. “Thanks for organising that for me dad,” Cliff said. “Hey, it wasn’t me, it was your uncle James,” Kirk said. Cliff’s eyes lit up, the guys that he had worried would not accept him were now treating him like one of their own. He had a family. We toured Australia, before going back to the States. It was only a tour of the capital cities so it wasn’t that long of a tour. We touched down in San Francisco and suddenly it dawned on me that I didn’t know where home was or what it even looked like. “Well we’ll get a cab I guess,” I said. “Don’t be stupid, we’ve got a driver,” Kirk said, grabbing my bags. “Sorry, I don’t mean you’re stupid, I mean…” “I know what you meant, don’t worry so much,” I winked at him and helped him with the rest of my stuff. We got into the car and the driver helped me put my stuff in the back. Cliff climbed in, clutching onto his guitar. “Do you ever let it go?” Kirk asked him. “Not if I can help it,” Cliff replied smiling at him. “That’s my boy.” I stepped out of the car when we reached the house and I was amazed at what I saw. We weren’t living in a house, we were living in a palace, with huge land and a massive house, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Kirk and I had lived in the tiniest of houses it was practically a shoebox, and it had no yard at all. Kirk stepped out of the car next, followed by Cliff. “Dude, we live here?” Cliff said, expressing all that I was feeling in one simple sentence. “This is our home.” We walked inside and Kirk quickly flicked on the lights. There was so much stuff everywhere, trinkets from his travels, and ornate decorations. In the hall there was a huge picture of Cliff Burton, a dedication to his friend. Kirk and I walked into the kitchen to find a note and a set of keys on the table. So you’re with her now? Makes sense, I didn’t expect any less of you, though I did expect more. You’ll be hearing from my lawyers. I took my stuff. Here are your keys. Lani. “If you want I can go and stay in a hotel tonight,” I said. It was an awkward situation. “No, stay, I’m okay.” “Are you sure?” “This is where I want to be, in my home, with you, and with our son.” The next morning I was woken by the phone ringing. Kirk quickly answered it. “Hello, oh hey dude… sure… uh-huh… tonight… sounds good… we’ll be there…” He hung up and rolled over to look at me. “Good morning baby,” he said with a smile. “Who was that?” I asked, still half asleep. “Never you mind, I have a surprise for you, and for Cliff tonight, you’re gonna love it.” All day Kirk would not let up on the secrecy and he gave me no idea on what was happening that evening. He didn’t tell Cliff either, so we were both left in the dark. We ate dinner, Kirk cooked, it was great, and then Kirk told us to go and get ready. “Wear something casual, but not too casual,” he instructed us. “So smart casual?” I asked. “Yes, but not too smart.” He was really confusing me. We got in the car and Kirk started to drive, though he was taking all the backstreets so I had no idea where we were going. We arrived at this little club. “How will Cliff get in? And why are we here?” “He’s with me, so he will, and you’ll find out soon enough.” Sure enough we walked straight in, no one gave us a second glance, and before I knew it we were back stage. “Sup dude, knew you’d make it…” that voice, so familiar, I had to turn around to see who it was. “Claire? Claire is that you!” “Newsted? NO ****ING WAY!” He ran over and hugged me, so tight I could hardly breath. “Jase you’re… hurting me…” I choked out. He let go and apologized over and over. “Wow, you guys back together, never in a million years, and you here right now, what the ****, oh my god!” “I know it’s weird huh!” “And who is this?” Jason asked looking at Cliff. “This is our son, this is Cliff,” Kirk said. “It’s great to meet you,” Jason said shaking Cliff’s hand. “You too, I love your work,” Cliff said, he was honestly in awe. He was meeting all his heroes. Jason grabbed me by the hand and pulled me aside. “How come Kirk never told us about a kid?” “Kirk never knew.” “What? Why?” “Remember that day in the park when I was crying because Kirk didn’t care about me he only cared about the drugs…” “Go on…” “I didn’t want to put him through that.” “And the name?” “Cliff was one of my closest friends, you were too, but it was different with Cliff.” Jason leaned against the wall. “**** it’s good to see you again. Particularly after I left those guys.” “Yeah I heard about that, I heard a lot about that,” I said. “And I know, you’re disappointed that I didn’t tough it out….” Jason said, his voice trailing away. “**** no, I’m ****ing proud of you Jase!” “You are?” He said, a little bit of hope in his voice. “You stuck up to them after years and years of mistreatment, you made me proud.” “Thanks Claire.” “Now go out there and play the best show you’ve played in your life.” Echobrain was amazing, Jason was amazing, and Kirk and Jason talking again, that was the best part of it all. Jason told me that Kirk had sought him out after becoming sober and had apologized for everything he put him through. They were working on rebuilding their friendship, but he didn’t know if he’d ever be friends with the other two again. But it was a start. I promised Jason that we’d certainly be friends again, and I told him once again that it was so good to see him again. “Awesome show dude,” Cliff said, shaking Jason’s hand again. “Oh thanks man, your dad told me that you’re a wicked guitarist.” “He did?” “Yeah, said you played with them in Australia or something.” “Yeah it was amazing.” “Well if your Dad will let you go for a second maybe you can come into the chophouse one day and jam with us.” “Sounds good, I’ll give you a call.” We left the club and started heading home. I was so happy to have seen Jason again after all these years and see that he was doing so well. He was happy, and I was happy for him |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:58 am Post #28 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 28 Months went past and Kirk and I spent our days together at home. Cliff had started at his new school and was really enjoying it, he was part of a special music program and he was making lots of new friends. Not only that but he was spending lots of time with Lars. Lars took him out to a lot of local gigs, which Cliff found really interesting. “One day Lars will be driving us to see you play,” Kirk would often say. “You think so?” Cliff would ask, just like his father, Cliff was incredibly modest. “Son, I know so.” Not only did Cliff see a lot of Lars, he also saw a lot of Jason. They were also becoming very close and Cliff would often to go to the Chophouse to jam with Jason and whoever else would be there at the time. It was a few weeks before Cliff’s 14th birthday that Jason called me. “**** Claire, that boy has some talent!” “Yeah he’s very talented, but shouldn’t you be saying that to him?” I was very confused by Jason’s out of the blue phone call. “Well here’s the thing…” whenever you spoke to Jason there was always a ‘thing’ – he never called for no reason, but he would never actually spit out the reason why he called until you were good and confused. I was now very confused, so he was ready to spill his guts. “I’m looking to start a band, and I want Cliff in it.” “And you’re telling me…” “I’m telling you because Cliff thinks his Dad won’t approve of him being in a bang with me.” “But he doesn’t care about you being friends…” “Yeah that’s different, just talk to him about it.” “Okay, you coming to Cliff’s birthday dinner thing?” “I’ll be there.” Cliff came home from school and insisted that he desperately needed to talk to Kirk and me and that it was very important. We all sat around the kitchen table and we waited for Cliff to speak. “Okay, I’ve invited Jason to my birthday dinner…” he began, Kirk and I both nodded. “And I’ve invited Lars and James…” Kirk and I both looked at each other, that could be a problem, I thought. “And…” it got even messier, “I’ve invited Rob. I’ve also invited their families.” “How many people have you invited?” Kirk asked, he seemed rather surprised. “Just about 30,” Kirk replied, “maybe 50.” “Alright,” Kirk said, “I’ll call the caterer.” “Did he even hear what I said?” Cliff asked after Kirk had gotten up to go and make some phone calls. “I think he’s a little overwhelmed, invite Mustaine and it would be an all out brawl.” “Actually…” Cliff began, I gave him an evil look, I had met Dave once, and it wasn’t a very successful meeting. “I’m just kidding Mom.” Suddenly there was a very loud knock on the door. “I’ll get it!” Cliff yelled and ran out to the other room. “Who the **** are you?” I heard someone say, it was a familiar sounding voice, though I couldn’t think of where I’d heard it before. “Mom!” Cliff called out. I got up from the kitchen table, and walked to the front door. Standing right before me, was Lani. “So it’s true, we’ve been split up for a few months and he’s already shacking up with you in our house.” She sounded very spiteful. “Cliff, how about you go practise in your room…” I suggested. “But I already…” “Practise makes perfect,” I said with a smile and gently pulled him away from the door. “Who is it Claire?” Kirk called out as he walked towards us. “It’s me, Kirk, with the papers, I thought we could have a talk about somethings, but I guess things are all pretty clear now!” Lani said. Kirk looked at me, then he looked at her. “You better come in,” he said softly. He didn’t have the capacity to hate, he knew that he had done her wrong, and I guess that was simply because he didn’t end it sooner. Lani went and sat down on the couch, she seemed really uncomfortable. “I like how you’ve put up some more photos of the guys, like the old ones…” she said quietly to me while Kirk went to quickly finish up his phone call. “Yeah, they’re photos from when Kirk and I were first together and use to live at the MetalliMansion.” “They’re nice, was that your son before?” “Cliff.” “Sorry about…” “Don’t worry about it, it was probably awkward and difficult for you to see, you just scared him a little.” Kirk walked into the room. “Sorry about that,” he half smiled; it was awkward for all three of us. “Well, I’ll go see how Cliff is doing…” I said. I walked over and Kirk quickly kissed me on the cheek before I walked out the room. “Are you alright buddy?” I asked as I walked into Cliff’s room. “Yeah, I’m okay.” He put his guitar down and sat down on the bed. “Kirk is just talking to her now, he won’t be long I don’t think.” I went and sat down beside him. “Why is she here?” “Well your Dad and Lani are going through a divorce right now, so there are things they need to sort out, and I guess Lani wants to talk to him before the lawyers get involved.” “Why would she need to do that?” Cliff asked. “Your father’s lawyers are ruthless. Trust me, I know.” After about an hour (Cliff and I listened to one of Kirk’s UFO albums together before going back out into the main living area), Lani and Kirk appeared to have finished doing their talking and Lani was getting ready to leave. “Sorry to scare you before Cliff,” she said as she was walking out. “That’s okay,” Cliff said, it really wasn’t but just like his father, Cliff couldn’t hold a grudge. “Cliff, can I have a moment alone with your mother?” Kirk asked. “Yeah sure, is it okay if I go use the internet?” “Yeah of course,” Kirk replied, and Cliff quickly left the room. Suddenly, I was really worried about what he might say, maybe he was getting back with Lani, maybe he had decided to leave me, maybe… “I need a hug,” Kirk said, flopping into my arms. “Are you okay?” I said putting my arms around me. “Yeah, I just forgot how hard all this **** was.” “You don’t have to do this alone,” I said, holding him close. “I know, thank you.” |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:59 am Post #29 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 29 Cliff walked back to his room, I knew that look, I knew that walk, he was angry. I heard the door close and then moments later I heard Rammstein. “Should I go talk to him about this?” Kirk said. “No, he’s pretty pissed off.” “Will he be mad at me forever?” “He’s not mad at you Kirk, he’s just mad in general, he hates this situtation. He sees Lani as a threat to what he has here?” “What do you mean?” Kirk appeared to be puzzled by what I was saying. “I mean he thinks that Lani is going to break up his family.” “That’s never going to happen, Cliff is my number one priority, I’ve missed out on so much with him and I don’t want to miss out on anything else with him. He’s my son and I could never do anything to hurt him.” He smiled at him, he still had a boyish charm after all these years, his skin was so soft, his hair was so soft and beautiful (although it was more under control then it had been in the past) and his eyes were so deep and youthful, I could have stared into his eyes forever. “And you,” he said placing his hand on my shoulder and tracing my cheekbone with the other, “you are the love of my life. You’re the one Claire. And I am not going anywhere, at least not without you.” He looked me right in the eyes, and I knew that he was incredibly serious. “I want to be with you for the rest of my life….” “Oh Kirk…” “I mean it Claire. It’s you and me forever.” I looked up to see Cliff standing just behind us. “Do you mean that Dad?” He asked walking over. “Yes, I do. We’re a family Cliff, and that’s the way it’ll be always.” “So Lani…” “Don’t worry about Lani,” Kirk said as he put his arm around Cliff and then went and sat on one of the couches. “Come over Claire,” Kirk said motioning for me to follow. I went and sat next to him, and just as I did Kirk placed his hand in mine. “Cliff, I know why you’re worried, and I don’t blame you for thinking that. Lani and I were together for a long time, and of course I still care about her.” With those words I tensed up a little, but Kirk hadn’t quite finished what he was saying, so I tried to relax. “As long as I was with Lani it would have been difficult for me to be a good father to you. I didn’t have a good father, and it was tough growing up, so I couldn’t know about you and not want to be a part of your life.” “But if you didn’t know about me, why did you get in touch with her in the first place?” We both knew that these questions were coming, I had always tried to protect Cliff from drugs and alcohol, and although he knew a little about what Kirk’s past had been like, he had never known the whole story. Kirk looked at me, he looked fearful about what he should say, but I held his hand and gave him a reassuring look. “Your mother and I were together for a long time, when Metallica was first starting out,” Kirk began, Cliff was listening attentively, “and I didn’t treat her very well. I drank all the time, there wasn’t a moment that I can remember being sober, I did a lot of drugs, mainly coke but there was other stuff as well, and I just didn’t treat her the way she deserved to be treated.” “Is that why you split up?” Cliff asked. “She never said, but I know that’s why. Although at the time I had no idea. The night that we broke up, I was so out of it. The next day I rang James and the four of us went drinking, me, James, Lars and Jason. I got really, really drunk. And then Lars pulls out this coke so me and him duck into the bathroom to ‘freshen up.’ Anyway, I come back out and there’s Jason with this big grin on his face and I’m all like ‘what the **** are you smiling at *****?’ And then James is like ‘yeah *****!’ I just wanted everyone to feel as miserable as me. The rest is fuzzy but all I remember is James and Lars just laying into him, dragging him out into the alley way and just punching him over and over again…” Kirk was shaking, this was a hard story for him to tell, and a hard one for me to hear, I had never known. “He was bleeding really badly from a cut on his face. Lars was like ‘I’ll help you up man’ and then when Jason took his hand Lars quickly let go and threw his beer in his face. God just thinking about it makes me feel sick. I started to realise what was going on and I told them to stop. James and Lars gave me a weird look and just walked back into the bar. We were just sitting there, me and Jason. He was bleeding, though not so badly anymore and I was crying in what was left of my beer. ‘**** man, she’s really gone isn’t she?’ He asked me. And I was just too out of it say anything so I just nodded. Jason said that he was really sorry. He said that he was having problems with the Mrs and that he knew what I was going through.” He looked up, and I could see tears in his eyes. “We just sat there for what seemed like forever. Not saying a word. I think Jason wiped the blood from his eyes. And I apologized for what happened to him. He lit up a joint and I had a cigar. I guess we must have said something to each other, because I just remember feeling so terrible for everything that we’d done to him. I had lost my wife because I didn’t treat her right, and now it looked like I could end up loosing a friend for the exact same reason. I didn’t stop the drugs for a long time, but I did stop abusing Jason. And we were friends. He got divorced soon after that as well. So did Lars. It was the worst time of my life. The house became like a prison. My home wasn’t my home anymore, because it didn’t have my Claire. After all these years I finally got sober. And I realised that I never apologized for the things I did. So I sought your mother out. I guess I still had feelings for her. But I was married. I intended to just talk, maybe be friends, but then there was you.” “Do you regret it?” “The drugs?” Cliff nodded. “Oh god yes. I hate myself for doing it. If I hadn’t been addicted, I would have known you all along. I have no one to blame but myself.” We were all silent for a long, long time. “I’m going to bed now, I have to go to school in the morning.” He was so mature and so responsible. Though I think he was a little shocked by Kirk’s story. We were alone, lying in our big bed, getting ready to sleep. “I had no idea,” I whispered. “About the bar?” “About all of it. I had no intention to hurt you I just…” “Hey, hey, shhhh… it’s all in the past now….” I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. |
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| kirkhammettismyman | March 17, 2006, 8:59 am Post #30 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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CHAPTER 30 The next day was Saturday, and Cliff had made plans to go to the Chophouse and hang out with Jason for the whole weekend. Jason came over at around 10 (he never had been a morning person) to pick him up. “Good morning Claire,” Jase said kissing me on the cheek. “Hello Jason.” I noticed a small scar on his forehead that I’d never noticed before. I quickly looked away, I couldn’t stand to think about what they’d done to him. Kirk walked into the room, once again without a shirt and he looked like he was about to hit the beach. “Oh hey bro!” He said, the guys gave each other a sort of manly hug. “Cliff! Jason’s here!” Kirk yelled out. “What are you up to today?” Jason asked. “Not much, not much, just going out for a surf, and then taking my lady out to dinner.” “Sounds like you guys will have a nice relaxing weekend.” “Not likely,” I said, “Cliff’s party is only a week away.” Cliff walked into the room carrying his two guitar cases and a very small bag of clothing. “Do you have enough clothes honey?” I asked him giving him a hug goodbye. “Probably not, but oh well,” Cliff said as he gave me a kiss on the cheek. “You give us a call if you need anything, and listen to what your Uncle Jason says,” Kirk said giving him a hug. “Uncle Jason?” Jason sounded confused. “Well you are like a brother to me,” Kirk smiled at him. “Thanks a lot man.” Jason and Cliff left, and then shortly after Kirk went down to the beach. I rang the caterer. Cliff wanted to have all his favourite foods, so we were having fried chicken, nachos, pavlova and a number of vegetarian dishes that Kirk had introduced to him. Lars called and we had a good chat, I guess sometimes he just felt a little lonely. Lars never liked to be alone, and all his band mates had partners or wives, so when he didn’t have the kids, he felt a little lonely, and he’d get a little bored. “Lars, maybe you need a holiday,” I suggested. “I dunno…” “Seriously, a holiday could be just what you need, take some time alone and do something you really want to do.” “Well I haven’t been home in a while…” “There you go! But you have to be here for Cliff’s party, he adores you.” “Where is the little guy this weekend?” “At the Chophouse…” “He’s friends with Jason then I guess?” “Yeah, he is, they jam sometimes…” “I see…” “He will be at the party.” “But…” “No, this party is for Cliff, not your little petty differences, and you be there, and you will be civil, because if you’re not so help me god…” “Alright, alright Claire, don’t worry about it.” Kirk came home later that afternoon. He was in a very good mood, and he seemed to be strutting around the room when he walked in. “Babe you should have seen the waves, they were HUGE!” He was trying to demonstrate the size of the waves with his hands, but he gave up and just collapsed onto the couch beside me, resting his head in my lap. “Your hair is all salty and sandy…” I said, running my fingers through his curls. “I know, I had a big day today.” “You still up for going out tonight?” I asked. “What are you crazy, I am always up for taking my favourite girl out for a night on the town.” He got up and had a shower and I went and got dressed. I wore my brand new dress that Kirk had brought for me, it was long and white, and I adored it. Kirk wore his white suit, we matched, I thought it was so incredibly cute. Kirk had someone pick us up, so we wouldn’t have to drive, and before long we were heading downtown in the back of a very fancy limo. Kirk was showing me this incredibly wonderful life, and I was so happy to be with him again. “Now I warn you, you might see our pictures all over the Internet in the morning,” Kirk said. “That’s all part of the fun,” I said, and I kissed him, I’d never been happier in my life. Later that night we came home, and just collapsed onto the bed, both giggling and unable to contain ourselves. “Oh Kirk, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me,” I said looking into his beautiful eyes. “Claire, I love you.” He was so beautiful in the moonlight; highlights on his skin and his eyes were dark and low. He still had such a baby face, just like I had remembered. Over the years since we had been apart I’d seen him on the TV so many times, but it was nothing like the real thing. In person, there was a real connection and nothing could compare to that. “Claire, are you still awake?” “Oh yeah, sorry, I just got lost for a second there…” I had been starring at him for such a long time without realising it. “Well I don’t want to lose you ever again,” he always knew exactly what to say to make my heart melt. The next morning I woke up to the sound of someone banging on the door. Kirk was sound asleep, there was no waking him, and so I quickly grabbed my dressing gown and made my way to the front door. “Oh you’re awake good,” it was Lars, he had a big stack of travel brochures under his arm, and as usual he just waltzed in stepping right past me into the living room. “Please Lars, come right in….” I muttered under my breath. He quickly spread his brochures over the coffee table and motioned for me to come and sit down next to him. “Look at you, big night last night aye, aye,” he was nudging me suggestively in the ribs, he thought it was funny, but I just thought it was annoying. “What can I help you with…” “Okay, so I have no idea what I’m going to do or where I’m going to go,” he said, he was talking very fast and he seemed kind of odd. “Aren’t you going to Denmark? Your home country? You’d know it better then me…” “Yeah but…” “No buts Lars, look you’re just going to have to learn to do things by yourself now, it’s hard but that’s the way it’ll have to be.” Lars nodded, the truth hurts sometimes. “Now,” I said standing up, “how about we go into the kitchen and I make you some nice pancakes for you breakfast.” “Okay…” Sometimes, my boys just needed to be mothered. |
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8:41 PM Jul 10