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| Father of the Year; Kirk is going to get even with Lars. Het. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: July 3, 2007, 9:40 pm (14,624 Views) | |
| Raedoll | September 1, 2007, 7:42 am Post #286 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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Mrs. Hammett turning into Liar Liar apron on fire? Uhoh. This is trouble....BLARGH. Tapestries of LIES, everywhere! I could open up a galla! And make a crapload of money. James is a pig *smack* Cliff is precious. As always. And I'm glad Aunt Josephine is making Cliff and James pitch in to help out and give Brunhilda a break. Bwargh. I can't wait for more. And I wonder what Lars is up to....he was Quiet in this chapter. Blarh. The chapter title was fitting though <3 and your family is Supposed to irritate you...that's why they're you're family, they know how to push your buttons to get a rise out of you.
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| Simone | September 1, 2007, 11:00 am Post #287 |
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Mistress of Puppets
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Mrs. Hamster is baaaaaaad!!!! Lol great chapter!! I simply loved the "Fuck Kirk hammett" "Ohh I'd love to!" Your story is getting better and better Verity!! |
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| Verity | September 2, 2007, 2:49 pm Post #288 |
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The Story Girl
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Thanks so much for the reviews. I'm much grateful. They mean a lot. I'm going to keep on writing this, but it may get harder for me to post the updates just because starting tomorrow I will be doing a lot of traveling. I hope y'all are still enjoying it though, and this chapter is a little sucky, so sorry about that. here we go! Chapter 83- One For Lars, James Zero Every Sunday Aunt Josephine had Barnabas mix up a pitcher of his potent (but not famous like Mrs. Hammett’s) mimosas to accompany the wonderful breakfast that Brunhilda always prepared. Sunday breakfasts were more like lunches, since usually everyone was still hung over from Saturday night. This week was no exception. Aunt Josephine, James, Kirk, and Philippa, all looked pretty piqued from the previous night. The only ones besides Cecily, that didn’t get totally wrecked were Cliff, who had fallen asleep around eight o’clock during one of Cecily’s boring as fuck princess movies that she made him watch with her, and Lars, who had wanted to be in tiptop prime shape for going to the library the next day. “Run and get your books Cess,” Cliff instructed as he poured himself another mimosa. He was quickly making up for the lack of alcohol last night. “We should haul our asses down to the library.” “I’m going too!” Put in Lars he started brushing his hair. “No you’re not,” Cliff retorted. “I’m taking her. My friends aren’t around this weekend anyway, plus I was thinking about taking her to a baseball game afterwards.” “Cecily hates baseball,” said Lars. “No I don’t,” answered Cecily, who was clutching her books. “I’ve always wanted to go to a live sports game.” Lars frowned. Why the fock did Cliff have to be so difficult? “You can’t take a girl to a baseball game!” said Lars. He planted himself right in between Cliff and Cecily. “Of course I can!” retorted Cliff. “I promised her that if she did well on her spelling test that I’d take her, and she fucking kicked ass on it. Now get out of my way, you Danish piece of shit. I would like to spend some one on one time with my little girl.” “Oh but Cliff, Kirk and I want to go to the library too,” said James. “What the fuck is so damn exciting about the library?” Cliff demanded. Never, had anyone in Metallica shown much interest in going to the library before. “It’s not like they have beautiful maidens lurking about in the bookshelves.” “Actually, they do,” said Cecily. “We’re all going to go Burton,” said James, as he gave Lars a smirk. Cliff was unaware of their little bet. They didn’t think that Cliffy would approve of making bets on whether or not Cecily could score them chicks. However, Cliff was no dummy. He put his hands on his hips and glared at the smirking James. After his little talk with Mrs. Hammett, he had been rather crotchety and irritated with everybody. His band was no exception, especially Kirk. “What the fuck is going on?” he demanded. “Is Lars banging the librarian or something? Trust me, the library isn’t that fucking interesting.” “Trust me,” said Lars. “It’s plenty interesting. You can still leave early and take Cecily to her game Cliff. I’m not going to the library to spend time with Cecily.” “You’re going to spend time with Miss Amy,” put in Cecily. “Who the hell is Miss Amy?” Cliff asked as he struck a match to light a cigarette. He had lost his lighter. “She’s Lars’s-” Cecily started to say but Lars covered her mouth. “Can we just get going!” he demanded impatiently. So Lars led a very random freak show of James, Cliff, Cecily, with her books, and Kirk, down the street to the library. Again, Lars was growing impatient. Cliff and Cecily both walked so god damn slow, and Kirk he was about ready to kill. The fact that Kirk always took small, ladylike, steps was bad enough, but then he had to stop and buy a fucking raspberry tart from a street vendor. In order for the grand plan to work, Lars would have to be at the library the exact same time that Amy was, and they were already running late. Kirk plopped down on a bench and began to delicately nibble on his raspberry tart. “Jesus Kirk!” exclaimed an exasperated Lars. “Can’t you walk and eat that thing at the same time?” “Absolutely not,” declared Kirk, tossing his raven curls. “I’ll drop powdered sugar all down the front of my black jeans.” “I guess Emily wouldn’t be too down with that,” Cliff said wistfully as he took a drag on his cigarette. “Why would she care?” Kirk asked as he took a bite of his tart. Cliff snorted. “So what’s she like Hammett? Is she good between the sheets? Is she into oral sex? Role playing? Sadomasochism?” “For Pete’s sake Cliff!” snapped Kirk as he got up off of the bench to throw away the wrapper that his tart had been sitting in. “How the fuck should I know?” “You sure do spend enough time with her,” Cliff snarled rudely. “Is she a natural red head?” “I’m not telling!” Kirk said haughtily. What the fuck was Cliff’s problem anyway? The last that Kirk had seen, Emily had been slobbering all over the Cliff. Why was he being asked all of these dumb questions? Cliff rolled his eyes and turned to Cecily. “Come along now Cecily.” “Cliff,” Cecily said sweetly. “What’s Sadomasochism?” “Shut the fuck up and quit asking asinine questions!” Cliff snarled nastily at the little girl. James and Lars both raised their eyebrows. Cliff had had some bee stuffed up his ass with Kirk for the entire week. He had been picking on him mercilessly during rehearsals, but they had never ever seen Cliff snap or even raise his voice with Cecily. Cecily was his little, perfect, angel. Even Cecily seemed surprised. All she had done was ask a simple question. “If I were beautiful you wouldn’t yell at me!” she yelled, and she took off running towards the library to get away from Cliff. “Quit acting like a fucking spoiled brat Cecily!” Cliff yelled after her. “Jesus Cliff,” said Lars. “What the fock did you get all over her for? She didn’t do anything? You got your dick out of joint or something?” Cliff looked down at his feet, ashamed that he had taken out his anger towards Kirk out on his favorite little girl. He was supposed to be having a special day with Cecily, not screeching at her. It was just that Emily was key in Cliff being able to keep Cecily, and without her support, Cecily would probably be sent back to Claudia. Cliff shuddered at the very thought. He took off running to catch up with Cecily. Lars also started running as well, for some reason he seemed very antsy to get his ass to the library too. Cliff scanned the rows of bookshelves for Cecily. She was nowhere to be found. “The little fucker,” Cliff muttered under his breath. He ran smack, into a pretty girl with long, auburn hair. She was wearing a beret. The books that she was carrying fell to the floor. “I’m sorry,” Cliff muttered turning red, as he knelt down to retrieve her books. “That’s alright,” the girl returned as she grabbed her books from Cliff. “I was just looking for my daughter,” Cliff said. “I saw a little girl reading a book over in one of the chairs,” replied the girl. “Long brown hair, pink jacket?” Cliff asked. “Yep,” nodded the girl. “That’s her,” said Cliff. “Thanks.” And he hurried off to go find Cecily, though he did turn around one last time to look at the hot chick that he had just run right into. She smiled at him, and then darted off behind one of the shelves. Going to the library was almost as good as going off to the bars to scope out chicks. You would never realize it by looking at her, but Amy had a thing for long haired dudes. She found it quite amusing that she had run right into one at the library of all places, but he said that he had a daughter, so he must be taken. She was about to find something even more amusing. Amy made her way over to the travel section to go retrieve her sister’s infernal book that she wanted. “It’s probably not even still there,” Amy muttered as she got down on all fours and began to search through the book shelves. She was almost hoping that it wasn’t still there because then she wouldn’t have to waste her time checking it out. However, the book was still there just as they had left it a week before. With a sigh, Amy pulled the book from the shelves and opened it. A piece of notebook paper fluttered out. “What the fuck is this?” she said to herself as she unfolded the note. People were always leaving shit jammed in library books. Did nobody respect anything anymore? To Amy’s shock and surprise, the note seemed to be meant for her. At least her name was on it. She read the note once, and then again, and then a third time, her cheeks growing red as she read it. She didn’t know anybody named Lars. She began to look around the library, trying to see if she could spot the hopeless romantic who had wrote it. Lars Ulrich had plopped himself down at one of the reading tables. He had been watching Amy for the entire time. What the fock is taking her so long? he thought. Why isn’t she reacting? I’m going to focking loose fifty bucks to a sourpuss like James Hetfield, and it’s not fair. Out of the corner of his eye, Lars spotted James making a beeline for his table. He didn’t want James around. James would wreck everything. Lars would just have to take matters into his own hands. He started to make his way over to Amy himself. He had to admit that approaching chicks was a hell of a lot easier while drunk, than sober. He wished that he had had just a few more mimosas at breakfast. He tapped Amy on the shoulder. “Hey,” he said. Amy whirled around. Her face broke out into a huge smile. “Lars?” she asked. “That would be me,” Lars replied as he tossed his long, brown, hair over his shoulder, trying to draw attention to it. “I remember seeing you somewhere I think,” Amy stammered. “Well my dad is a famous tennis pro,” Lars said proudly. “And I do play in the best thrash metal band in the entire world.” He held out his arm to her. “Want to go for a walk?” he asked. “Okay,” Amy nodded and took Lars’s arm. Suddenly having to check out some dippy book for her sister didn’t seem that bad. As Lars linked Amy’s arm in his he caught James’s eye and gave him a cool, smug, smirk that could freeze hell over in July. James was absolutely sulking, and trying to figure out where he was going to come up with fifty dollars. Lars couldn’t help but feel a little pity for James. The man was so senseless sometimes. Didn’t he know that Lars always wins? |
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| Raedoll | September 2, 2007, 4:38 pm Post #289 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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OH SNAP. Uhoh. Poor James, lost a bet. But not quite yet! Lars hasn't gotten into the sack with her. I hope Cliff can patch things up with Cecily and Emily...*pout* I'd hate for anything to happen and make Cecily have to go back to Denmark. BLARH. Kirk is such a little girl. Heeh. <3 Good luck on your travels, be safe out there. S'a mad world. |
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| Verity | September 3, 2007, 1:10 am Post #290 |
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The Story Girl
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hehehehe a second helping, and I will try and update again when I can, but it might be a few days. Hope y'all like this update. It was fun. Chapter 84- Cliff Gets His Ass Kicked Out of the Library Emily was sitting curled up on the couch in the Hammett’s living room reading one of Mrs. Hammett’s trashy women’s magazines, the kind with the fad diet of the week on one page, and then a decadent dessert on the next. For once, had the house to herself. Kirk was off at the library, and Mrs. Hammett had gone to her weekly Sunday sewing circle. She had invited Emily to accompany her, but Emily had turned her down. Mrs. Hammett was a very sweet and thoughtful lady, and she made glorious cakes and famous baked goods, but sometimes Emily found her a little smothering, and she was always making little comments about her and Kirk. The other night, the three were sitting up at the kitchen table playing a game of Old Maid, and she had even asked Kirk and Emily if they happened to have any children what would they name them. It had made Emily feel rather uncomfortable. The doorbell rang. It was probably Lars or James. With a sigh, she set down her crappy magazine, and made her way to the front door. A tall, skinny, but very pretty girl with chin length dark hair stood before her. She was wearing a black sundress adorned with white polka dots, and she was a little heavy on the eyeliner. “Is Kirk Lee around?” she asked as she twirled her car keys around her finger. “No,” answered Emily. “He went to the library of all places.” The girl frowned as she examined Emily. Why was there some little ginger headed broad hanging out at Kirk’s house? “Are you the cleaning lady?” she demanded. She blew a bubble with her chewing gum. “Uh no,” replied Emily. Did she really look that messy? “Are you a friend of Kirk’s mother or sister?” she again asked. “No,” said Emily. “I’ve never even met Kirk’s sister. I’m a friend of Kirk’s band, Metallica. I met them over in Denmark, and I somehow ended up in the United States with them. It’s a long story.” The girl frowned. Some little groupie bitch with a British accent, she thought as she sized Emily up and down. Probably got so drunk that she can’t even remember the plane ride to the United States. One thing for sure was that Emily was just too pretty for the other girl’s comfort zone. “I’m sure that you had quite the time with the boys while in Denmark,” she said in a frigid, distant tone. “It was interesting,” Emily admitted as she thought about Cecily, the purple dress, Cliff, the fever. “Anyway, I’ll tell Kirk that you came by. What’s your name?” “I’m Kirk’s girlfriend Ernestine,” replied the girl. “And you better listen up right now missy! Right now you are on my turf. Metallica is back in the United States now, and that means that Kirk is all mine! I’ve been his number one girl for over a year now, and one day he’s going to marry me! I suggest that you leave my boyfriend alone!” Emily was stunned. After all, this babe was being very rude, and second of all she was surprised that Kirk had a girlfriend. He had never mentioned her to Emily, but then again in Denmark, he was banging that Missy chick. He had even sent Emily a love note. Why Kirk Hammett was almost as bad as James when it came to making the rounds! Emily felt so foolish. She should have never of replied to Kirk’s love note. Kirk hadn’t replied back, and Ernestine was probably the reason why. All that silly love letter had done was ruin things with the one member of Metallica that Emily had half been interested in, and she was certain that it was pretty much ruined for good. “Believe me,” Emily said. “You do not have to worry about me and Kirk. Actually, I’d like to get to know you a bit better. Would you like to come in for a cup of tea?” *** Cecily fought so hard to hold back her tears. She tried to concentrate on her new book, but she just couldn’t help it. The tears fell out of her eyes, splattering on the pages of her book. She wiped her nose. Why did Cliff yell at her? Maybe she was talking too much around him, and asking too many questions, but she was curious. Cliff and his friends had introduced her to many new vocabulary words that she had never heard before. He’s probably on the phone with my Mum right now trying to send me back, Cecily thought. I bet she doesn’t even want me either. Just then, she felt a hand touch her shoulder. “Hey Cess,” Cliff said softly. Cecily tossed her mass of brown curls over her shoulder, and buried her nose in her book, “Can we talk?” Cliff asked. “I’m reading right now,” Cecily replied coldly. “I’m sorry that I snapped at you,” said Cliff. “It was wrong of me to take out my anger towards Kirk out on you.” He took the book out of her hands. Cecily tried to grab onto it, but she was no match for an adult. “Look at me when I speak to you Cecily,” he demanded. (Hmm. Didn’t this sort of happen in the reverse the other day?) “Go away!” retorted Cecily. She took out her other book instead, and opened it up to the first page. “Can you forgive me?” Cliff asked. “Come on Cess. I think that I’ve done enough really nice shit for you. Give me a break. I was even going to take you to a fucking baseball game, remember?” “You shouldn’t have lied to Miss Thelma about Miss Emily,” said Cecily, she went back to her book. The fucking kid even knows more than I do, Cliff thought. Sometimes she does act older than five. He pulled her book away once again. “You’re right,” he said. “It was wrong, and very stupid of me to lie about Emily, but you see Cess, I’m really afraid that I’m going to lose you. Everyone says that a girl needs a mother around, and since I can’t seem to keep a chick for more than three days, you’re never going to get one.” “That’s because you’re not very honest,” Cecily replied. “Now please give me my book back.” “Not until you say that you’ll forgive me,” said Cliff. “I won’t take you to that baseball game either.” “Fine,” Cecily shrugged. “I won’t forgive you either.” “Cecily you’re a dick!” Cliff squealed loudly. A bunch of people in the library turned to stare. “Shhhhhh!” chastised the librarian, frowning at Cliff. “Don’t you know that you can’t talk loud at the library,” Cecily whispered sternly. “And I can’t be a dick, I’m a girl. I’m being a bitch.” “You got that right,” Cliff muttered, as he turned red from being scolded. He took out his pack of cigarettes. “You’re also being a complete smart-ass.” “You’re the one who made me into one,” hissed Cecily. She frowned as Cliff lit himself a cigarette right there in the middle of the library, using a stack of Little House on the Prairie books as his ashtray. “You can’t smoke in here either!” shrieked the librarian. “The two of you!” She waved her hands at Cliff and Cecily. “Out of here! You’ve disrupted the peace enough! Get out!” “You can’t be serious!” exclaimed Cliff. “Enough from you!” the librarian snarled. “Out!” “Twat!” snarled Cliff. “Nice going,” Cecily muttered as she grabbed her books. “You got us kicked out of the library.” “The library is fucking lame anyway,” Cliff shot as he grounded out his cigarette right on a copy of Great Expectations, and followed Cecily out the door. “It’s much better to buy and own your own books.” They ran right into James, who was sitting on the front steps of the library. “What the fuck are you doing out here?” Cliff asked. “Just keeping an eye on Lars,” replied James. “He met up with some chick, and they’re taking a little walk.” “God you’re nosy,” retorted Cliff sullenly as he pulled out another cigarette. “Cliff got us kicked out of the library,” Cecily reported. “Yeah, he’s always pulling shit like that,” nodded James. “One time he got us kicked out of a Chinese buffet in Rochester because he grabbed a thirteen-year-old girl’s ass in the buffet line.” “He got kicked out for smoking,” said Cecily. She turned to Cliff. “I can’t believe that you’re already having another cigarette!” “Fuck off Cecily!” Cliff snapped, and he blew a thick cloud of smoke right into her face. “He can’t pay his bills but he has money for cigarettes,” muttered James. “You got that right,” put in Cecily as she coughed. “What the fuck is this?” demanded Cliff. “Gang up on Cliff Burton Day or something?” “Nah, that’s everyday,” replied James. “Come on Cess. Let’s quit dicking around. We’ll make up, and go to the baseball game. I’m sorry that I yelled at you earlier, and blew smoke in your face. I know that you don’t like it when I smoke, and I promise to never tell another lie again. Now how can I make all of it up to you?” “Well,” said Cecily as she brightened a little. “You could try and quit smoking.” “I love you Cecily, but don’t make me do that,” Cliff pleaded. “I’ll quit when I turn thirty.” “But you’re already lying again!” Cecily replied. “You told Social Services that you didn’tsmoke. You’re still lying.” “She’s right man,” said James. “Quit smoking. Drinking is way better. Plus you do have a nasty habit of leaving your cigarette butts all over my guitar case.” “Please Cliff,” Cecily said back to her “sweet” self. She looked up at Cliff with big green eyes, and quivered her bottom lip just enough. “Please quit. If not for yourself, at least for me.” Cliff took his half finished cigarette and chucked it off in a bush. “Oh alright Cecily,” he said groggily. “You win. But you must understand that when I don’t get my cigarettes, I get very, very, cranky.” “That’s alright Cliff,” said Cecily as she climbed up into his lap and gave him a hug. “I’m used to you being cranky anyway…” |
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| Raedoll | September 3, 2007, 1:18 am Post #291 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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God that little pest with a long mop of hair is adorable. I love how she's got Cliff wrapped around her little fingers. I think there's something in that plastic rainbow bracelette that's letting her control him. Funny banter and dialogue, though Cliff does need to grow up a little bit. Not too much, we can't have him going to bed at nine thirty every night. Lol, he can do that on sunday and monday nights. Poor Cess getting kicked out of the library, it wasn't her fault! lol blame her daddy! But it's terribly sweet of Cliff to worry so much over losing her. They're great for eachother. I hope your trip goes well and you're safe when you're travelling, good luck! And I'm glad you had fun writing this, writing's supposed to be fun. Especially for the author of a fun fic like this, |
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| MissMetallica;; | September 3, 2007, 1:38 am Post #292 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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aww cecily used the puppy dog pout on cliff how cute. she really does have him wrapped around her little finger. ha she has learnt well, and she wont take no shit from anyone when shes older. james may have lost the bet, but not quite. i wonder if lars will get amy in the sack:lol: kirk is still such a sweetie pie, him and his little tart. aw. and this ernestine, she sounded like a bitch. lol. emily is going to now suck all the information out of her. like a vacuum. have fun and stay safe with your travels. (: |
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| Simone | September 3, 2007, 2:37 am Post #293 |
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Mistress of Puppets
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Lovely chapter!!! I love it when Cecily gets all whiney Cliff quitting smoke??? I highly doubt it What's next?? Will Cecily cry again in the next chapter like she always does??? STAY TUNE ON VERITY'S RADIO STATION!
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| Shayi | September 3, 2007, 4:50 am Post #294 |
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Bring me that horizon
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Cliff quitting smoking? Steady on - we'll have hell freezing over next.... Heh, I love the fact that Cecily has Cliff wrapped around her little finger, she does it so very well! And getting kicked out of the library... tut tut! I couldn't believe Mrs Hammett - and I thought she was so virtuous! Oh well, I suppose she was trying to do it for Kirk - but it's really not going to help now that the other girlfriend is in the frame and has met Emily! I just hope that somehow Cliff can sort out Social Services, Emily and everything before things go really horribly wrong. And you know what - I feel sorry for this Amy already - she doesn't know what she's letting herself in for with Lars! “Cliff, last year you participated in an orgy with myself, Scott Ian, three chicks, a dog, a chiropractor and a priest. Nothing should be weird to you anymore.” “Damn,” said Cecily as she shook her head. “You two get around.” < That bit was just so so funny, I absolutely loved it! I can't say I'm in the slightest surprised at what those boys get up to... but Cecily's answer was fabulous! And you and your so called 'sucky' update - I don't think you know HOW to do a sucky update! This story is amazing it really is - and I hope that you have fun touring and travelling - enjoy yourself
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| Raluque | September 3, 2007, 4:56 am Post #295 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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Thanks for updating! It's great that Cecily confronts Cliff about his lying. And Emily... Maybe after meeting Ernestine, everything becomes clearer to her about Cliff. I really hope they ca finally end up together somehow. Keep going, 'cos I'm sooooo curious!!!
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| Verity | September 4, 2007, 10:53 am Post #296 |
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The Story Girl
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Thanks girls. This chapter is anorher dumb, pointless, and really no purpose to the story chapter. Sorry about that, but I think it is better than nothing. Y'all rock. Chapter 85- James Seeks Revenge “You have five focking sisters!” shrieked Lars mixed shock and disgust. “I guess I know what your parents’ hobby was.” Lars and Amy had walked down the street to get an ice cream cone. They were now on their way back towards the library. In the distance, Lars could see James, Cliff, and that little brat Cecily, all congregated on the library steps. “You might think that it’s crazy having five sisters,” Amy replied as she daintily licked her ice cream cone. “But life was never boring. I can’t imagine how you got by being an only child. Didn’t you ever get lonely?” “Never,” shot Lars as he dripped chocolate sauce down the front of his T-shirt. He licked his finger tips and tried to wash it off. “You see,” he continued on. “I was never lonely as a kid because my parents always had tutors, and governesses, and tennis coaches around me all of the time.” “But you had nobody to swap clothes with,” said Amy. “No, but I got my own damn clothes all to myself,” retorted Lars. “Anyway, I’m glad that I don’t have any siblings. I’d like to meet your sisters though. I’m sure that the rest of my band would too.” “They’d sure give you a run for your money,” Amy laughed. “I’m the eldest. I’m afraid that my other sisters would be too young for your friends. The next oldest girl in my family is only fourteen.” “That won’t stop them, trust me,” said Lars. Amy laughed. “You’re funny,” she said. “It’s true,” Lars replied with a shrug. “You have a bit of chocolate on your face,” said Amy. She stood up on tiptoe and with her napkin, and gently dabbed Lars’s cheek with it. “Now isn’t that fucking cute,” Cliff observed from where he, James, and Cecily were sitting watching the entire incident. “No, not really,” snarled James bitterly. He was going to loose for sure. She was practically drooling over Lars. “I picked out the perfect girl for Mr. Lars,” said Cecily proudly. “And I picked one out for Mr. James. Now I just have to pick one out for you too Cliff.” “Newsflash!” Cliff snarled at her. “Chicks don’t dig guys that have little kids sucking off of them.” He reached for his cigarettes but they were gone. He had thrown them away. He was already starting to get another fucking headache. He would have to sneak cigarettes while Cecily was away at school during the day. “I’m sorry,” said Cecily. Lars and Amy were approaching them. “And this,” said Lars with a grand flourish as he made his way to the library steps. “Is the freak show known as Metallica. They’re all focking weird as hell.” “My sisters are pretty weird,” said Amy. “Not as weird as my band mates,” returned Lars. “This is James, Cliff, and his bratty, random, half adopted daughter Cecily.” “How do you do miss?” Cecily asked politely. “Hey,” said James as he held out his hand and ogled Amy’s breasts. “I’m James, and I have crabs.” “Nice to meet you James with crabs,” replied Amy as she gingerly shook his hand, as if crabs could be transported through the skin. She turned to Cecily. “Hi there,” she said to the little girl. “Lars,” Amy scolded. “How could you call such a darling little thing a brat?” “Trust me, she is,” said Cliff as he mussed up Cecily’s hair. “I ran into you earlier!” Amy said as she studied Cliff. “I guess this means that you did find your daughter. Or as Lars put it, random, adopted, daughter?” “It’s a long, fucked up, story but yeah,” Cliff replied with a nod. Fuck, he needed cigarettes. He was already starting to get jittery. “Told you they were all focked up,” said Lars. “Cecily is this random orphan girl that he picked up in Denmark. She’s kind of like a stray dog that followed him home. Anyway, enough about her. Let’s talk about me.” Lars wasted no time inviting Amy over for dinner at Aunt Josephine’s. Apparently, nobody seemed to have issues with inviting random, newly met, people over for dinner. “This is a disaster,” James sighed as he watched Lars and Amy flounce off together. “Why?” Cliff asked. “He’s getting some action. He’ll be in a lot better spirits to work with. I wish I could get some action too. I might have to take myself down to Kittens one of these afternoons when Cess is in school.” “You can go to Kittens after school,” said Cecily sweetly. “I can just wait in the car. I don’t mind.” “You don’t want to sit in the parking lot of Kittens,” said James. “Someone will try and offer you smack, and ask you for a Hungarian blowjob. Anyway, I’m going to break up Lars and Amy even if it’s the last thing that I do,” said James. “Cecily, you want to help out your Uncle James?” “Absolutely not,” broke in Cliff. “I am not letting you use my daughter for some fucked-up cryptic, conspiracy that you have going on. If you want to break someone up, break up Emily and Hamster.” “Emily’s fucking the Hamster?” James asked, raising his eyebrows. “Isn’t she lucky?” sighed Cecily. “Luckier than I am,” said Cliff. He tugged on one of Cecily’s curls. “You really do have a thing for Kirk don’t, you?” “I think that he’s insanely handsome,” she admitted blushing. “And so does Miss Emily I guess,” said Cliff. “You know what that means, do you?” “It means that Kirk and Miss Emily are going to get married,” said Cecily. “Will you at least let me get my hair permed for their wedding ceremony? “No, we wouldn’t be attending their wedding ceremony,” said Cliff. “What it means is that Emily won’t be around when Social Services comes to interview her.” He gave Cecily a huge hug, burying his face deep into the little girl’s mop of hair. “I could very well loose you Cess.” “Don’t say that Cliff!” exclaimed Cecily as she clutched onto Cliff’s shoulder. “I like living in California. I don’t want to go back to my Mum.” “I know sweetheart,” Cliff told her. “Well then,” said James as he watched the two in disgust. “I guess not only will I have to break up Lars and Amy, but I’ll also have to break up Hamster and Emily. Hamster already has a chick anyway.” “Could you help me James?” Cliff asked. “You know that we’re buds man. You’d help me out right?” “I’ll help you,” replied James. “But I’ll only help you if you’ll let me borrow your little Cecily to help me ruin Lars and Amy forever. And you have to stop hugging her out in public. It’s totally unmetal dude.” *** Later that evening, Lars and James were helping Brunhilda set the dinner table. “I have never seen so many different girls come over for dinner in my life,” Brunhilda said as she lit candles. “We love the female species,” James replied. “Oh yeah, Phil is coming over too. So set a place for her too.” “I’m not only running a hotel for Clifford’s friends, but I’m also running a restaurant,” laughed Aunt Josephine as she came into the dining room with Cecily. “I’m anxious to meet this Amy girl. If she’s anything like Philippa and Emily, she’ll be gorgeous.” “Phil’s got nicer tits,” James informed her. “Yeah, but Lars has more money,” Lars shot from where he was standing fixing himself a gin and tonic at the wet bar. “And he’s about to get ricer.” So you think Ulrich, thought James. He just doesn’t know that a Hetfield never gives up. “Speaking of Clifford,” said Aunt Josephine. “Where is he? He’s the only one not helping with dinner.” “He’s in the bathroom with the door locked,” reported Kirk who was folding the dinner napkins so that they resembled peacocks. “He’s been in there every since we got home. I have no idea what he could possibly be doing.” “Maybe he’s taking a hard shit,” suggested James. “Or he could be jacking off,” put in Cecily innocently. “Cecily Margaret Burton!” Aunt Josephine gasped. “Where on earth did you learn to talk that way?” “Three guesses,” quipped James. “I’ll give you a hint: he’s locked in the bathroom.” “Margaret isn’t my middle name,” said Cecily. “And Burton isn’t your last name yet either,” snarled Lars. “I don’t care what your name is,” said Aunt Josephine sternly. “I don’t want to hear talk like that coming out of your mouth ever again young lady. Don’t ever let your grandmother hear you talk that way either. She’ll mop the floor with you. Now go be a good girl and tell your Daddy to get his ass out of the bathroom, and come help with dinner. There’s corn out in the kitchen to shuck.” “Yes Ma’am,” answered Cecily. She figured that she better do as told, since she had already pissed off Aunt Josephine once today. She delicately knocked on the bathroom door. “Cliff!” she said. “Aunt Josephine says that you have to shuck corn for dinner.” “Fuck the corn!” Cliff screeched. “I don’t like corn anyway.” “Then neither do I,” said Cecily. “Please come out Cliff. I miss you. You’re not locked up smoking in there are you?” “The door’s not locked Cecily,” Cliff replied. Cecily slowly twisted the door knob. The door popped right open. Cecily found Cliff on his kneeling beside the bathtub. His head was submerged under water. “Cliff!” she exclaimed as she sat down next to him. “What on earth are you doing?” Cliff lifted his head up out of the water. “Trying to quit smoking,” he replied. He let out a horrid groan that sounded something like a cross between a barking seal, and a dying bloated rat. “By drowning yourself?” Cecily asked. “Don’t drown yourself.” “I’m not trying to drown myself,” said Cliff as he rung out his wet hair. “It’s just that when the cravings get so bad, there’s nothing else that I can do except either give in, or submerge my head under water. I might have to start shooting heroin or something.” He let out a pathetic groan, and then dunked his head into the water once again. Cecily sighed. “Oh alright,” she sighed. She got up, went upstairs to Cliff’s trashed bedroom, and grabbed the pack of cigarettes that was sitting on his dresser. She brought them back down to the bathroom. Cliff’s head was still underwater. She tugged on the back of his jacket. “Here you go,” she said. Cliff pulled himself up out of the water. She thrust the cigarettes into his hands. “But Cecily, I’m quitting smoking just for you,” said Cliff. “I know, but I want you to be happy,” said Cecily. “You don’t seem very happy right now.” Cliff just looked at her, then without saying a word he took the pack if cigarettes and chucked them deep into the bath tub water. “Cliff you’re ruining them!” Cecily cried in shock. “I promised you that I would quit for you, and I’m going to do it,” he said as he played with the plastic rainbow bracelet that decorated his wrist. “After all, I’m not doing it for myself. I’m doing it for you Cecily… |
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| Shayi | September 4, 2007, 11:10 am Post #297 |
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Bring me that horizon
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Where do I even start Cliff- Dude, what a sweetheart, I can't believe that he's still giving up the cigarettes... I have utmost respect for him! And for Cecily saying that she'll wait for him outside Kittens, and for giving the cigs back... nice young lass! Lars - Well you'd better look out, because a determined James with crabs is not to be turned away lightly (And yeah it made me laugh so hard when he introduced himself as having crabs!) I can't believe how freely they use Aunt Josephine's house... rude! Good thing she's pretty loose and doesn't mind really... although poor staff having to do so much cooking for four hungry men and various floozies.... Hehe! This story is so amazing. Drama, humour and now and again a touch of not exactly sadness, but a bit of melancholy. I absolutely adore it! Hope that your travelling is all going well
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| Raedoll | September 4, 2007, 11:15 am Post #298 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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Cliff and Cecily are metal enough together on their own. James needs to stuff it. I hope that James can break up Amy and Lars, Lars needs to learn more lessons. Poor Cliff...he needs action. Well...why don't you take a little trip down to Palmdale? "What?" You know, stroke city. "You're not suggesting-" Bassist, *Love* thyself. YAY SCRUBS. Except just Metallicized. BWAHHA. I hope Cliff and Emily can hook up and actually stick with it this time...it'd be so good for Cecily. But then again if Kirk and Emily get together Cecily will quit jabberring on about him. Cliff trying to quit smoking is hillarious, dunking your head under water? He needs to get a rubber band and snap that around his wrist every time he starts getting a headache. You'll see what my version of Cliff does *snerk* s'funneh. I lurve this. Keep writing!!! |
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| Raluque | September 4, 2007, 11:30 am Post #299 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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“I’m James, and I have crabs.” “Or he could be jacking off,” put in Cecily innocently. He let out a horrid groan that sounded something like a cross between a barking seal, and a dying bloated rat. This chapter was sooooooooooooooooo funny!!!!! and cliff giving up smoking for cess, that's too sweet for words!!! keep it up! |
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| MissMetallica;; | September 5, 2007, 2:11 am Post #300 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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hahaha james with crabs, man thats funny. i like how everyone just makes up middle names for cecily. nobody knows her REAL middle name. ![]() and that cliff, what a sweety, giving up smoking for her. awwwww he's going to make a great dad. hope your having fun travelling and stuff. ![]() cant wait for more |
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*smack* Cliff is precious. As always. And I'm glad Aunt Josephine is making Cliff and James pitch in to help out and give Brunhilda a break. Bwargh. I can't wait for more. And I wonder what Lars is up to....he was Quiet in this chapter. Blarh. The chapter title was fitting though <3 and your family is Supposed to irritate you...that's why they're you're family, they know how to push your buttons to get a rise out of you.



This chapter is anorher dumb, pointless, and really no purpose to the story chapter. Sorry about that, but I think it is better than nothing. Y'all rock.

8:42 PM Jul 10