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To Live is to Die
Topic Started: March 5, 2008, 12:49 am (59,969 Views)
Lucifer's Angel
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Heavy Metal Seanchai
[ * ]
The tension between James and Charlie is stifling. I hope they can make up, the suspense is killing me :wacko:
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Fade_To_Black
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Bad Seed
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YAY an update :nanner: i always get so excited when i see you've posted :biggrin Loving it loads!!!! Cant wait for more :dance
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Mina
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Morgenstern
[ * ]
I can just agree with Vanessa.
Their tension is still there, but..different and it's almost killing me because I want to know if they're like going to be..alright again, you know?


Can't wait for more, am so hooked :)
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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What a lovely update! I really hope that James and Charlie manage to talk about everything. And like others, I wish that they do get to be alright again. :)

Can't wait for more!
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maisy blue
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Some Kind Of Monster
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I have been reading religiously (printing it out when I couldn't stay online which was every damn day this week!) but am behind in commenting. I'm so sorry. Often the first time I read a new chapter a million thoughts run around in my brain.

Right now it feels like James is sorta... in wait. I believe in the love these two have, but I still think there are so many unspoken things going on that *need* to be said.

I really liked the descriptions of the clothing. The dress Charlie was wearing sounded stunning- I could see her golden tanned skin in contrast to how white and elegant it was. Plus the flower. Perfect beauty.

And then James in linen pants!! Wow! Like the flip flops, too. Can't exactly picture Hetfield in dress shoes or, like, penny loafers or something. I wonder what on earth he wore to his wedding??

I love the fact that they got around by boat- how romantic. I hope they have some sort of intimate moment in one of those boats- a moonlight kiss.

I like your portrayal of James. I can see him envying Charlie's easy-going nature with everyone but expressing it the wrong way. It was kind of her not to just kick his ass- I'd be so raw if I were her. I couldn't hold it together with him, that's for sure. Once people light my fuse, it stays pretty lit.

I just looked up blue amber- wow!! So beautiful. Kind of like moonstone or opal or really good Labradorite. Now I need some blue amber. *sigh* And a romantic getaway with James Hetfield.

I saw Castaway, but what happened when Hanks drank the milk? Did he get the shits? Remind me, please :)
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Metalicious
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Blackened
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Thanks everybody! Makes my Monday so nice when I get to see fun replies first thing. :D

****************************************************


I woke early the next morning to the sound of chirping. Shoving the bedcovers down, I opened the door and realized I was getting farther away from the sound. I backed up slowly and discovered the noise was actually the room phone. “Hello?”

Kelly’s voice rang out at the other end. “Morning sunshine! I took the liberty of having the front desk put me through. Thought I might grab some breakfast by the pool, snag one of the prime seats before it gets busy. Wanna join me? You can bring the big guy if you want.”

I laughed. “The big guy’s probably still sleeping, but I’ll check before I head over. Give me half an hour, save me a seat if you get there first.”

We hung up and I hastily pulled on a black bikini and tied my green sarong around my waist. Taking the latest Harry Potter, and my sunglasses and sunscreen, I headed over to see if James was up. Knocking first, I slowly opened the door, peeking my head around it. “Het?”

He was laying on the far side of the bed, one arm flung across it, snoring lightly. The sheets were in a pile on the floor, and I stood in the doorway for a minute, just appreciating the sight of his tanned, boxer-clad form. “Down, girl,” I muttered to myself. Walking over to the bed, I sat on the edge of the side opposite him, and tried again. “Het?” Nothing. I placed my hand on his shoulder and gently shook him. “James. Wake up.”

He opened his eyes slowly, blinking a couple of times before focusing on me. “I was just dreaming about you,” he said, his voice low and hoarse.

I ignored the somersault my heart did, and brushed back a stray blonde curl from his face. “Oh yeah? Good or bad.”

He rubbed a hand over his face, grimacing. “Weird. We were going up the waterfalls again, but…you had arms like a lobster. Like, claws. And you couldn’t grip the walls, so I had to carry you.” He closed his eyes. “And your claws were really heavy. So I dropped you.” Opening his eyes again, he smiled at me. “Sorry.”

I patted his chest. “Aww, that’s okay,” I glanced away and whispered, “freakshow.”

He laughed and put a hand over mine, keeping it in place on his bare skin. “What’s up? Is this a wake-up call? Cause I don’t recall ordering one, and it’s pretty damn early.”

“Came to see if you wanted to join me and Kelly by the pool for breakfast. She called a few minutes ago, so I’m gonna head over. Figured I’d drop by here first, see if you felt like coming along. She said I could bring ‘the big guy’. I dunno who that is, so I thought I’d ask you instead.”

He smirked and squeezed my fingers gently. “That so. I think I might skip breakfast with Miss Chatterbox this morning. I wanted to try out the sailboat, take it around the back of the islands. But I’ll be around later. I was gonna get lunch delivered over here. Want me to order enough for you, too?”

I nodded. “Yeah, thanks. That’d be cool.” I suddenly didn’t want to go to the pool. I wanted to stay right there, on his bed, feeling his warm skin under my hand for the rest of the day. “Um…I should go. I told Kelly I’d meet her over there pretty soon. Have fun sailing.” I reluctantly pulled my hand away. “See ya at lunch.”

He shot me a lazy smile before closing his eyes again. “See ya.”

I took the motorboat over to the island, docking it at the main pier. Kelly had laid her towel over one of the plush deck chairs for me, and a huge tray of fresh fruit, muffins, and pastries was on a cart beside our chairs. “Nice work,” I grinned at her as I sat down. “You been in yet?” I gestured to the pool and she shook her head. “I might do a few laps before I start the serious tanning session.”

“Suit yourself, darlin’.” She popped a piece of croissant in her mouth and leaned back in the chair.

Diving into the cool water, I swam the full length of the pool before surfacing. I did a dozen laps and then pulled myself out of the water, drying off at the foot of my chair. I slathered on sunscreen, and Kelly stood up to help me get my back, sliding my bikini ties out of the way. “Swear to God, the sun’s about a thousand times stronger here than at home.”

I laughed, settling onto my stomach on the chair. “Where’s home?”

“South Carolina.”

I peered at her over my sunglasses. “No way. I don’t hear an accent.”

She smiled. “Army brat. We moved all over the place. That’s just where home happens to be right now. I moved back home after college, but I get away as OFTEN as I can.” Flipping over to her back, she glanced over at me. “So…you and big guy…what’s the story there?”

“I’d tell you, but you’re only on the island for another few days, yeah? That ain’t enough time.” We giggled, and she let the subject drop, switching to talk about fashion instead.

By eleven, I felt like I was baking, and I gathered my stuff to head back to the other island. “Come out for dinner tonight,” Kelly suggested. “We can hit one of the clubs later or something.” I told her I’d definitely think about it, and let her know later on. Gathering up my stuff, I headed down to the pier.

The sailboat was gone when I arrived at our dock, so I didn’t bother checking to see if James was back. Changing out of my bikini, I winced as I saw that I’d neglected to put enough sunscreen on, and had a burn on my shoulders and back. I rummaged through my toiletries and dug out some aloe gel, biting my lip as I rubbed it on my skin. Putting on a pair of pink bikini bottoms, I slipped a white oxford shirt on, buttoning only the middle two buttons and rolling up the sleeves.

Taking my book and a pillow, I stepped out to the porch to read in the hammock before James returned. Hanging one leg over the side, I pushed my toes against the railing, rocking back and forth. "Oh, who am I kidding," I said to myself, closing the book and curling up in the hammock for a nap.

I awoke to something tickling me, and opened my eyes to see James standing at the end of the hammock, stroking his fingers up the arch of my foot. "Lunch is here. Want me to bring it over?"

I rubbed my eyes and stretched. "No, s'fine. I'll get up." I followed him over to his porch, and sat opposite him, smothering a yawn as he set out the food. "How was sailing?"

"Good. Thought I might go back out this afternoon, if you wanna come. Found a couple of really cool little inlets along the back of the main island, so I kinda wanted to explore a little more. You up for that? Did you get a sunburn?"

"Yeah. Just a little." I reached out for the orange juice and he took my hand, leading me inside.

Taking me into the bathroom, he pulled a bottle of the same aloe gel I'd used earlier out of his shaving kit. "Here, this'll help." He started to unbutton my shirt and I pushed his hands away. Looking mildly annoyed, he crossed his arms and stepped back.

"I'm not wearing anything under my shirt," I explained.

"Oh." He looked down, and then turned around. "I'll wait."

Sighing, I unbuttoned the shirt and shrugged it off, holding it against my chest with one hand. I tapped him on the shoulder with the little bottle and stared at my feet, jumping when he started to spread the cool gel over my shoulders. Lifting my hair off my neck so he could rub it in there, I glanced up and saw him studying me in the mirror. "Thanks," I said quietly.

"Welcome." He squirted a little more on his fingers and massaged it into my skin. "Maybe wear a tee shirt or something this afternoon, yeah? It'll hurt like hell if you burn twice." His hand lingered on my shoulder, rubbing it gently. Catching my eye in the mirror again, he dropped his arm to his side. "We should eat before the food gets...warm." He turned to leave the bathroom and then spun around again. "Wanna borrow a tee shirt for now?"

I smiled. "Yeah, thanks."

He nodded, and went out to the bedroom, handing me a large, white WCC tee shirt. I turned around and pulled it on, rolling up the short sleeves to just below my shoulders. Joining him again on the porch, I picked up a handful of cherry tomatoes and popped one in my mouth. He sat still, staring at the food. "Not hungry?" I asked when I'd swallowed the tomato.

He shook his head. "I am...but I'm thinking, this might taste better if we were on the boat." Gathering up the food, he started down towards the dock. I trailed behind, still eating the tomatoes. Jumping onto the sailboat, he set the food down and held out his hand for me. I stepped down, and then realized this was a different, much bigger boat than the one that had been docked this morning.

"Trade up?" I asked as I settled onto one of the cushioned seats.

"This one goes faster," he grinned at me. "And it's bigger."

Pulling my feet up, I watched as he started the motor and steered us away from the dock slowly, picking up speed as we got into deeper water. “We can put the sails up when we get behind the island, be a lot quieter that way,” he told me, navigating his way around a moored yacht. We fell silent for a few minutes, and I moved forward, going to sit at the bow of the boat. When we rounded the back end of the main island, he called out for me and I turned around to see him beckoning.

“S’up?” I stood beside him and he placed my hands on the wheel.

“Just try to go straight.” He’d brought the speed down, and I watched as he made his way along the side of the boat, letting the sails out fully. He did a lot of things with rope, and finished quickly, sliding along his butt and ducking under the boom to come back to where I was. Killing the motor, he moved behind me and put his hands beside mine on the wheel. “See? Much better.”

“I wouldn’t have pegged you for a sailor,” I glanced back at him.

“Yeah, I’m full of surprises,” he grinned. “Take a seat if you want, we’ve got about another half hour before the first place I wanna stop.” I nodded, and ducked under his arm to go stretch out at the bow. I hitched up the tee shirt and tied it in a knot on one side, and rested an arm over my eyes, blocking out the sun. I stayed there until James lowered the anchor, and then moved back to the stern. “Check it out,” he gestured to the shore.

It was a little horseshoe beach, secluded and calm. “We gotta swim to get there?”

“Yeah…oh. You can get the tee shirt wet, doesn’t matter. You alright to swim in it?”

“I’ll manage.” I turned my back on him and stepped up to the edge of the boat, diving off the side. I headed straight for shore and heard him splashing behind me. My feet hit bottom after a few minutes of swimming and I squeezed the excess water out of my hair and tee shirt as I stood on the sand, waiting for James. He waded out shortly after, and walked over to me, shaking his hair out. “This is beautiful. Thanks for bringing me here.”

“S’cool. Let’s walk down this way. Cali wanted me to bring back some shells for her, and she made me promise to find them, not buy them.”

I smiled, and followed him down the beach. We walked the entire length of the horseshoe, and back again, collecting a handful of pretty shells and a bit of beach glass too. He tucked it in the velcroe pocket of his shorts, and we waded out to swim back to the boat. As soon as the water was up to our waists, he dove in and surfaced ahead of me, calling ‘race ya!’ over his shoulder. He reached the boat far ahead of me, and climbed up, turning to face me from the stern as I kept swimming.

“Hey, Charlie? You might wanna kick it up a notch. Hurry up, okay? We gotta get going.” He was smiling, but the tone of his voice was off a little. “Please? Swim faster?”

“Why?” I tried to do as he asked but I was already tired and tempted to roll over on my back and just kick the rest of the way.

“I don’t wanna alarm you, I’m sure it’s harmless anyway, but I think I see a shark.”

I think my heart stopped for a moment, and then I swam like hell, terrified that I’d see a huge black fin approaching. I kicked as hard as I could, not caring that the movement would just attract the shark, I only wanted to get to the safety of the boat. I finally reached the ladder on the back and hauled myself up, shaking with fear as I stumbled into a seat. I looked around frantically for the shark, and saw nothing but blue sea. Blue sea, and James covering his mouth as he smirked.

“What?” he finally burst out laughing. “It was funny. You should have seen the look on your face, man, you were petrified!”

Still shaking, I stood up and punched his arm as hard as I could. “You ASSHOLE! I am TERRIFIED of sharks. You know that! How the hell could you do that to me! I trusted you and you almost gave me a heart attack!” Tears were streaming down my face, whether from fear or anger or relief, I wasn’t sure. I tried to hit him again and he pinned my arms against my sides.

“Okay, okay,” he laughed. “I’m sorry.” He brushed a hand over my hair, and I pulled away. “Charlie, c’mon. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you that much. I figured you’d look around and see I was kidding.” He tilted his head at me. “Don’t be mad.”

Pushing him away from me, I wiped at my eyes. “Please take me back to the island. Now.” I turned and took a seat, curling my legs under me.

He did as I asked, and was quiet for the whole trip back. I jumped out of the boat as soon as we came alongside the dock, and didn’t look back once as I stormed across the grass and slammed my door behind me. I peeled the tee shirt off, and flung it across the room. “So MEAN!” I hissed as I stepped into the shower, rinsing the salt out of my hair.

Toweling off, I wrapped the green sarong around me and laid on the bed to read some of my book. There was a knock on the door, and James opened it, waving my white oxford shirt like a flag of surrender. “That’s not funny,” I told him.

He walked over and dropped the shirt on my bed. “I really am sorry, Charlie. I didn’t mean to scare you so much.” Hooking a finger under my chin, he tilted my face up to look at him. “Come to dinner with me.” He sighed. “Please?”

“Fine,” I whispered.

He bent down and kissed my forehead. “I’ll come get you in an hour.”

“Jackass,” I muttered as he headed out the door.

“Heard that,” he called over his shoulder.

“Good!” I called back.

A little over an hour later, he was waiting on my bed while I finished getting ready in the bathroom. Dabbing on some lip gloss, I pushed open the bathroom door and saw he was laying back on the bed, hands drumming on his stomach. He sat up and smiled, taking in my appearance. I’d worn my hair down, and picked a dress that was similar to the one I’d worn to dinner before, but knee-length, in black. “You look nice.”

“So do you.” He looked more than nice. He looked downright hot, in loose-fitting khakis and a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, exposing his tanned forearms. “Ready to go?”

He stood up and took my hand. “Yup.”

We sat with Kelly again, and a few other’s she introduced us to as ‘vacation friends’. After dinner, she herded us into two waiting cars and we were whisked off to a local stretch of bars to go dancing. I looked up at James as we got out of the car at the first club. “We can leave anytime, it’s fine.”

He smiled and guided me inside, putting his hand on the small of my back. “Don’t worry about it. I can handle hanging out for a couple hours. Anyway, somebody’s gonna have to carry you to your bed later,” he chuckled, pointing to the champagne fountain that was set up in one corner.

“Ohhhhh dear,” I sighed.

I left James chatting with a few of the guys who’d come with us, and Kelly and I headed to the dance floor as ‘Dirrty’ came on. Almost immediately, a crowd of men gathered nearby, and Kelly and I glanced at each other, slightly worried. We needn’t have worried, as the men started dancing with each other. I stared in awe as two of the men pulled off the exact moves from Christina’s video, flawlessly. One of them caught me looking and shot me a grin, moving beside me to yell over the music, “I taught her everything she knows, dahling.”

He moved away again and I saw James watching me, a smile playing on his lips. Kelly appeared in front of me, holding out a glass of champagne. “Drink up, darlin’. And enjoy, cause I dunno if we can afford a second. No drinks specials in gay bars over here.”

I choked on my champagne. “You brought us to a gay bar?”

“Course. Best music on the island. Cutest bartenders, too. You okay? You look a little shaky.” She put her hand on my face. “And you’ve gone all hot. Wow. Champagne hits ya fast, eh?” Putting both hands on my shoulders, she turned me to face her. “Charlie? You okay? I didn’t think you’d have a problem with this, but we can leave if…”

I regained my composure, and pointed to the bar, where James was quite obviously being chatted up by two very attractive men. “I’m totally fine with it. Just wondering how to tell Het that those guys aren’t after an autograph.” She giggled as we watched him smile and nod, and I bit my lip to keep laughing as he threw an arm around one of the guy’s shoulders.

We danced for a few more songs, and managed to talk the bartenders into giving us some free champagne. I scanned the room, looking for James, and saw him coming out of the bathroom. He walked over to me and bent his head to mine, murmuring in my ear. “Did you know I have a really hot ass?” He moved back and raised an eyebrow at me. I looked down for a minute, and then nodded. He burst out laughing. “It was rhetorical! Those two guys I’ve been talking to all night just told me. I went to take a leak and they followed me in there! What the hell kind of bar is this?”

I took his hand and glanced around the room. Scissor Sisters’ “Laura” was playing, the dance floor was packed with hot men wearing tight shirts, and there couldn’t have been more than a dozen women in the whole bar. “What kind of a bar do you think we’re in?” I said gently.

“Ohhh…” he rocked back on his heels. “Heh. Cool. I have a hot ass.”

Laughing, I deposited him with the guys from our dinner table, and went to join Kelly on the dance floor again as “Brick House” came on. Since the guys we’d arrived with weren’t dancing, and none of the other men even noticed we were there, we danced with the three other girls we’d come with.

“Oooh! Be my pole!” she yelled at me, and shoved my right arm up in the air. Winding herself around me, she sunk to the floor and then slid back up again. I looked over to see James and the few other straight men in the bar watching with amusement. Or rather, James looked amused. The other guys were starting to drool. I extracted myself when the song was over, and went to the bar to get a bottle of water.

“Aww, is the pole thirsty?” James said from behind me. Laughing, I turned and squirted him with the water.

“I’m ready to go whenever you are, pal. This pole is worn right out.”

We said goodnight to the rest of the gang, and promised Kelly we’d see her the next day. There were cabs lined up outside, and the drive back was quick. I gave James money for the tip and pushed the door open as we arrived, waiting for him to pay. One of the hotel staff rowed us back to our island, and bid us a happy evening after James tipped him with a twenty. “Sleepy?” he asked as we walked down the pier.

“Not too bad.” I kicked off my sandals and looked up at him. “You?”

“Nah. Not yet. C’mon.” He tossed his flipflops up with my sandals and rolled up his pant legs, leading me between our huts and down the grass to a small beach. I hadn’t even known it was there. We walked along the sand, letting the water rush over our bare feet. I wanted so badly to ask if we could talk, but I didn’t want to ruin the fun night we’d had. “I’m sorry about the shark thing, Charlie,” he said softly. “I didn’t…consciously mean to scare you. Maybe on some level I wanted to make you upset, but I swear I wasn’t doing it on purpose.” He squeezed my hand and then swung it between us.

I stopped abruptly and pulled away. “James?”

He looked worried. “What?”

“Just…please don’t get mad, okay?” Moving slowly, I stepped forward and slid my arms around his waist, praying he wouldn’t push me away. He was completely still for a moment, and then I felt one of his arms go around me, while the other pressed my head against his chest, and I could hear his heart beating. We stayed like that for a long time, not speaking. Finally, he kissed the top of my head, and pulled back a little.

“Bedtime?” he asked, cupping my cheek gently.

“Guess so.” I started to walk back the way we’d come, and he scooped me up, carrying me back down the beach. I giggled. “I can walk, you know.”

“Yeah,” he nodded absently, shifting me slightly. “You could, but this is more fun.” He carried me all the way back. Setting me down in my bedroom, he sat on the chair by the bed. I took the white cami and purple shorts I’d worn the other night, into the bathroom to change, and brushed and flossed. When I emerged after washing my face, he was turning down the bedcovers for me. “In,” he instructed. I got under the sheets and let him tuck them around me. Sitting on the edge of my bed, he tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “Got another surprise for you,” he said softly. “No necklaces, I’m afraid, just, um, information.”

I nodded slowly. “I like…being informed.”

“I talked to Pep this morning when you were at the pool. He’s arriving tomorrow. Trish is still coming out in two days, but he gets in around…3pm or something tomorrow.” Seeing the look on my face, he put a hand over mine. “I thought you’d be excited.”

“No, no, I am,” I assured him. “I just thought…” I wasn’t sure how to explain that I wanted more time alone with him, before everyone else arrived. Time to talk, to get things sorted out, explained, settled. “Yeah. I’m totally excited.”

His expression changed, into one of understanding. “We’ll still hang out,” he said, smiling. “You’re my date for the wedding.” He bent down and kissed my cheek. “And we’ll talk. Soon,” he murmured. “I probably won’t be doing a trip to the dock tonight,” he said quietly. “But if you need anything, I’m right next door, okay? Anything at all.” I nodded, and he smiled, kissing my forehead before he stood up. “Night, Charlie.”

“Night, hot ass.”

He closed the door behind him and I closed my eyes, thinking about what he’d said. Pepper was arriving soon. And then Trish, and then…everyone else. James and I would have to talk soon if I wanted to get things sorted before the wedding. Then again, things seemed to be going smoothly between us, maybe the talk could wait until after Pep and Trish had left for their honeymoon.

A knock on the door startled me out of my thoughts, and I sat up in bed. “C’mon in.”

Kelly stuck her head in and grinned. “Hey sugar, you going to sleep? I brought you something.” She held out her hand, showing me the fattest joint I’d seen in my life. “It’s local. Guaranteed to be good shit. Come on, let’s light it up on the pier.”

I followed her down the grass to the pier and sat beside her as she flicked her lighter and inhaled. We passed it back and forth for a few minutes, not saying much. I laid back on the wood, letting my legs dangle off the end of the pier. Remembering James’ shark prank, I quickly pulled them up. Seeing Kelly’s expression, I explained.

“Wow…” she laughed. “That’s kinda mean. I’m sure he didn’t mean to scare ya, though. He seems like a sweetheart.”

“He is,” I sighed. “Most of the time.” I took another hit and passed the joint back to her. “And he’s got a hot ass,” I added, and we both giggled.

“That he does,” she agreed. “Very attractive man. So, how come you’re out here with me, instead of inside with him?”

I glanced over at her and grinned. “Cause you’ve got weed.”

She laughed and passed the joint back to me, stretching out alongside me. We started chatting about her childhood again, as an army kid, and before we knew it, a few hours had passed. “Charlie, shit, it’s like 4 a.m.”

I sat up, yawning. “Yeah…I figured it was late. You wanna stay here instead of taking the boat back? It’s kinda late to be on the water.”

“Sure you don’t mind?”

“No problem,” I assured her. “The bed’s huge.”

“Thanks, that’d be cool.” She followed me back up to the hut, and I tossed her some pajamas to wear. For some reason she put them on back to front and this caused the two of us to collapse into giggles for several minutes. Switching them around, she climbed in beside me and fought with the mosquito netting to get it around us. “God…complicated…stupid netting…” With a final swat, she straightened it and we lay there in silence. “So…your friend that arrives tomorrow. He bringin’ any hot friends? At all? Cause I’ve scoped out the scene, duder, and there ain’t a lot of choice around.”

I laughed. “Yeah, he’s got some buddies, but they won’t be here for a few more days, after you leave I think. Want me to kick ‘em off the island? Send ‘em to South Carolina as soon as they arrive.”

“Yep,” she sighed. “That’d be good.”

We chatted a while longer before dozing off. I woke up to sunlight pouring through the windows. Kelly’s legs were tangled with mine and the sheets were pushed down to one corner. “Make yourself comfy,” I mumbled, rolling over. My jaw fell open as I saw Pep and James standing in the doorway, both with huge grins on their faces.

“Is this my wedding gift? Please, please, PLEASE tell me it’s my wedding gift,” Pep said, eyes huge.

I laughed and got out of bed to hug him hello. “No, sunshine, this ain’t your wedding gift. This,” I jerked my thumb back towards the bed, “is Kelly. We got a little stoned last night and had a sleepover.”

He hugged me tightly, kissing the top of my head. “Hi, baby girl.”

I squeezed my arms around him. “Hi, sweets. I’m so glad you’re here.”

He pulled back and looked at me. “Me too,” he said softly, leaning forward to kiss my temple. “Okay, get dressed and wake sleeping beauty there. We’re doin’ lunch in twenty minutes.” He glanced at his watch. “Late lunch, too. Damn, baby. What time did ya’ll go to bed?”

“Sometime between four and five, I think?”

He shook his head, grinning, and turned to wait on the porch. I caught James’ eye and smiled. “Hi.”

“Hey,” he leaned down and kissed my cheek. “See you in a bit.”
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Lucifer's Angel
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Heavy Metal Seanchai
[ * ]
Well, it looks like James and Charlie are acting civilized :) I can't wait to see when they talk :heart:
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Mina
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Morgenstern
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I second that :)

Awesome chapter :)

The shark thing was mean, though.

Can't wait to read more :heart:
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Metalicious
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Blackened
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Thanks girls! Here's a little update before my Thursday gets rolling...

**********************************************

I closed the door and ran over to the bed, jumping on it to wake Kelly. “Get up! GET UP!”

“What? Crazy woman, what the hell?” she pulled a pillow over her head. “What time is it?” She gave a muffled yell. Removing the pillow, she glared up at me. “What are you doing?”

I grinned. “Waking you up. C’mon. We gotta go to lunch with the big guy and the groom. You can borrow something to wear.” We each took a rushed shower and I threw on a pair of baggy army green cargo pants and my white Praise the Lowered tank over a black bikini. I rolled up the pants to just below my knees and searched the room for my black flipflops as Kelly put on one of my sundresses. Finally ready, we threw open the front door to see James and Pep sitting side by side on the hammock. “Awww,” I tilted my head to the side. “So cute! Lemme get my camera.” I ran back inside for the little digital and snapped a few pictures of them sitting together, arms around each other.

James and Kelly walked ahead as Pep took my hand. “You guys seem to be doing okay,” he said quietly. “Get a chance to talk yet?”

I shook my head. “Nope. He’s not ready. But yeah, we’re getting along alright.” I smiled. “Better than alright. What about you? How come you’re here before Trish gets here?”

“Um…have a few details to attend to that I can’t do with her around. Stuff I had to arrange in person. Honeymoon stuff,” he smiled shyly.

“Oh my God, are you just the cutest thing ever?” I giggled as we stepped into the boat. “If you need any help arranging anything, or with anything else, just let me know. I’ve got a list of stuff I’m helping Trish with, but you know I’m available to assist you, too. Though I’m sure Papa Het’s got that covered.”

“Yeah,” Pep said slowly, watching Kelly and James chatting as he steered us towards the main island. “Wonder what else he’s got covered. What’s the story with this chick, anyway?”

“Easy, baby,” I hushed him, putting a hand on his arm. “She’s cool. Total sweetheart. And? She knows where to get some damn fine pot. So relax, okay?” I slid my arms around his waist as he leaned back against the side of the boat. “Overbearing protective bastard,” I mumbled against his shirt, smiling when he laughed.

“You love it,” he reminded me, rubbing my back.

“Damn right I do.” Hopping out of the boat once we’d docked, I remembered that Kelly and Pep hadn’t really been introduced. “Kel? Pep. Pep? Kelly. Pep’s the groom of the wedding we’re here for, Kelly’s my new best friend. Now, what’s for lunch?”

We ate in the solarium again, sitting around a small circular table with Pep on one side of me and James on the other. Kelly immediately started chatting to Pepper about the island, and what he should see while he was there, and James leaned back, looking quietly amused. I felt his hand gently rubbing my knee and looked over at him, catching his eye and smiling.

Kelly kept up the chatter while the waiter took our order, and was still at it when he brought the food a few minutes later. Pepper grabbed my hand and squeezed, and I bit my lip to keep from laughing. “So,” I jumped in as she took a breath. “How was your flight over? Is Trish staying at your place until she comes here?”

He shot me a grateful look and nodded. “Yeah. She’ll fly out with Phil and Woody tomorrow. I think Mike gets here in a few days, and then…I dunno. Everybody’s arriving at different times.” He smiled and patted my hand, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. James’ hand was still on my leg, and I flashed back to the last time I’d had two men touching me at the same time.

“Would you excuse me for a second? I’ll be right back.” I shoved my chair back and walked quickly to the ladies’ room. I knelt over the toilet in the wheelchair accessible one, certain that I was going to be sick, but nothing happened. Nothing except for James’ voice echoing in my head, telling me he couldn’t stand to look at me because of what I’d done with Lars and Sully.

“Charlie? You okay?” Fuck. Pep was IN the bathroom.

“I’m fine, Keenan. I’ll be out in a minute,” I tried to steady my voice as I wiped at the tears in my eyes.

“Charlie…I can see you sitting on the floor. Let me in. Please?”

Sighing, I reached up and unlocked the door, letting it swing open so he could come in. “Really, Pep, I’m fine.” One little tear escaped and he brushed it away with his thumb. “Sorry,” I tried to smile. “Bad pot hangover.”

He wrapped his arms around me. “Don’t apologies. And don’t lie to me,” he scolded gently. “What’s goin’ on with you?”

I leaned against him, relaxing slightly. “Just…bad memories.” I swallowed hard. “James had his hand on my leg, and then you patting my hand, it just made me think back to Lars and Sully. I know it’s completely different,” I said quickly. “But then I heard James’ voice in my head, over and over, saying those horrible things.”

Kissing my cheek, he took my elbow and pulled me up as he stood. “Okay. You stay put. I’m gonna go punch him again.”

“No, sweetie,” I laughed. “Don’t do that.” I hugged him again, resting my head against his chest. “But thanks for the offer. I’m fine. Let’s get back to the table.” We walked back, and James stood up as we approached.

“You okay?” he clasped my hands in his own large ones. “Are you feeling sick? I can take you back to lie down if you’re ill.”

“I’m fine,” I smiled. “Just a little woozy. I blame the local pot,” I winked at Kelly.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “I feel a little off today, too. Have some water, darlin’. It’ll help.” She poured me a glass from the ice cold jug on our table. “You okay?” she mouthed as I sat down. I nodded and took a long drink from my glass.

The rest of lunch was uneventful, and we said goodbye to Kelly afterwards, saying we’d probably meet up with her for dinner. Taking the boat back, I asked to be dropped off before the guys went out for a cruise around the islands. Pep immediately protested. “No way, baby girl. I ain’t trustin’ Het to sail me around. Fuck that. You gotta come too.”

I smiled and patted his shoulder. “You’ll be fine. He’s a very accomplished sailor.” I narrowed my eyes at James. “Just don’t go swimming with him. What with all the sharks in the water,” I stuck my tongue at him and he laughed.

“Sure you don’t wanna come?” James asked when we docked the motorboat. “I promise not to scare you this time. And we won’t be gone long, I just wanna take Pep around a few of the islands. Actually, buddy,” he glanced at Pep. “We should probably take this boat instead of sailing. It’ll be quicker. And you have that thing to do at that place we gotta get to with the person you’re supposed to be meeting, remember?”

I burst out laughing. “Wow. Check you out with the speaking in code. All the more reason for me not to tag along this time. Sounds like you have stuff to talk about.” I climbed onto the dock while James held the boat to the side of the pier, and waved back at them. “Have fun. Don’t get shipwrecked. Come see me when you get back.”

I still felt tired from the night before, so I settled onto the hammock for a little nap. I woke up to find Pepper snoozing alongside me, and wondered how he’d managed to get in without waking me up. I ran a finger down his nose a few times, trying to wake him up gently.

“Quit that,” he mumbled. “Tickles.”

“Quit crawlin’ in beside me when I sleep, then,” I laughed.

He opened one eye. “Beg your pardon?” he drawled.

“First my house, then your house, and now here. Damn, boy. Isn’t Trish givin’ you enough cuddles?”

He smiled and snuggled up to me. “What makes you think I’m doing this for me? You know you sleep better when there’s a warm body beside you. You even made that poor girl stay over last night so you could get a good night’s rest.”

I slapped his arm. “Dork.”

“Trish said it was okay,” he said softly, glancing at me. “She said you’re the only other chick I’m allowed to do this with. She trusts you. And me.”

I smiled at him. “Course she does. She knows how crazy you are about her.” I ran a hand down his arm, touching the soft leather of his wrist cuff. “Pep…are we ever gonna talk about your overdose?”

“Can if you want. I was stupid. I took too much. Haven’t touched it since. And I’m sorry I worried you.” Pulling me towards him, he kissed my forehead. “Won’t happen again, baby girl.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

“’kay. Think we should get up?”

“Yeah. Het mentioned something about dinner at eight, it’s just past seven now. I should go unpack, find something to wear. We’ll come by and get you on our way, alright?” He stood up quickly and the hammock flipped, dumping me onto the porch. “Shit, shit, shit, baby. I’m so sorry. Are you alright? Oh my God, are you crying?”

I was shaking, but with laughter. “I’m fine,” I giggled. “That was the least graceful way to get out of a hammock, ever. Now get outta here before you make me walk into the door or something.” I went inside after he left, trying to decide what to wear. I settled on the pink halter dress I’d worn my first night in New York. At least it covered my tan lines nicely. Putting my hair back in a ponytail, I plucked a white lily from the bouquet next to the bed and tucked it in my hair. Realizing I was ready before the boys, I headed over to James’ to wait.

He was standing in front of his closet when I pushed open the door. Wearing just his white linen trousers, he stood with his hands on his hips, tapping his foot. “Need some help?” I asked and he whirled around. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare ya.”

He smiled. “Think you probably owe me a decent scare, anyway. I’m just trying to figure out what to wear. Thoughts? Suggestions? General insight?”

“Black sweater again? That looked good. Or maybe one of the shirts in your vast collections of Hawaiians?” I nodded at the dozen or so shirts hanging in his closet.

“It’s supposed to be dressy,” he said, looking confused.

“So? Wear what you like. Long as you're not in jeans and a ripped AC/DC tee shirt, I hardly think they’ll throw you out. Here,” I pulled a bright blue and white Hawaiian shirt from the closet, and threw a white wife beater on top. “Wear that. Matches your eyes. Anyway, we’re going out after, right? Don’t wanna look too dressy, or you’ll get hit on again. Speaking of which,” I glanced behind him. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

“What?”

“Makin’ sure your pants give good ass. They do. I’ll be outside,” I grinned at him, and he caught my hand as I turned to leave.

“C’mere. Been wantin’ to do this all day.” He tugged me forward, and I found myself pressed against his chest, breathing in the warm, sexy scent of him. He must have showered recently, I could smell soap mixed in with his cologne on his bare skin. His hands ran up and down my back and he rested his chin on the top of my head. “This okay?” he asked, sounding like he was afraid the answer might be ‘no’.

This is great. This is wonderful. This is amazing. Please can we just stay like this for the rest of the trip. “Yeah,” I finally said out loud. “This is good.”

“Why don’t you go see if Pep’s ready. I’ll finish getting dressed, okay?” He pulled away and took the shirts off his bed.

I nodded and left his place to go the fifty feet or so over to Pep and Trish’s house. It was bigger then mine and James’ combined. I knocked first and then swung open the door. “Hi, baby girl,” Pep called from up above, and I looked up to see him waving from a loft. “Nice, eh?” he gestured around the big house. “I’ll be down in a minute, just gotta find a shirt.”

“Boys. Absolutely useless with clothes,” I muttered.

Thirty minutes later, we were seated with Kelly and most of the others who had accompanied us to the club the night before. Pep seemed to have warmed to her chattering ways, and was engaged in a lively conversation about the Antiques Roadshow, of all things, while I sipped my drink and listened to James discuss motorcycles with one of the other guests.

Once we’d finished dinner, I assumed we’d head out to the bar. Pepper had other ideas. “C’mon, there’s great music here, and booze, and people are dancing…why can’t we stay put?”

I thought for a second. “Oh man. You’re scared we’re gonna take you to the gay bar, aren’t ya! Awww, poor Keenan. Don’t worry, I’m sure the guys would appreciate your ass, too. Come on. It’ll be fun, I promise. Big Daddy Het can take care of you.” I grinned as I stood up, and beckoned for Kelly to join me.

Pep rolled his eyes and pushed his chair back. “Fine. We’ll go. But I ain’t dancin’.”

I laughed. “Coupla Coronas and a Britney song and you’ll be whistlin’ a different tune, sugar.” I grabbed his hand and James’ and tugged them both outside to the cars we’d ordered earlier in the evening. Kelly popped a bottle of champagne open and chugged from it before handing it to me.

“You’re gonna need it if you’re gonna be my pole again,” she winked.

Pep chuckled. “I think I need to hear THAT story,” he smiled at us.

He’d been fully debriefed by the time we arrived at the club, and grabbed my arm, holding it up as we walked through the doors. “She’s ready!” he hollered to Kelly, who’d run off to the bar.

I pulled down my arm and swatted him. “Too early for the pole dancing. Want anything? Beer? Water? Attractive homosexual?”

His eyes widened. “Is this it? Are we in the gay bar?”

I laughed and shook my head. “Nah, that one’s down the street. This is just a regular, boring, not particularly gay, no-hot-ass-compliments bar. Disappointed?”

He looked around, and then back at me. “Kinda,” he grinned.

I left him with James and went to join Kelly at the bar. “Two Perrier and a Corona please,” I shouted to the bartender over the music.

“S’up with the water? Still feelin’ a little sick?” She sipped her cocktail and studied me carefully.

“Just taking a night off from being severely inebriated,” I smiled. “But knock yourself out, I can still be your pole.” I took the waters and the beer back to James and Pep, with Kelly following behind. “Cheers, ya’ll,” I raised the bottle as Britney’s ‘Slave’ came on. “To pole dancing!”

“To pole dancing!” they all chorused, and then Kelly dragged me off to the dance floor with the rest of the girls, while the boys watched from the sidelines.

Two hours later, I was regretting my offer of being the pole. My arm was tired, my feet were tired, and the buzz I’d had from the two glasses of wine at dinner was long gone. “Darlin’,” I shouted to Kelly. “I might have to take a break for a bit. The pole needs a rest.”

“Nooooooooo,” she squealed. “You can’t rest, I need you.” She wound herself around me again, and I caught Pep and James grinning at us for about the umpteenth time that night. “See?” She laughed. “Fun!” Wriggling around behind me, she rested her chin on my shoulder. “Aren’t you having fun?” Her hands slid down to my hips and she pushed me from side to side. “Pole dancing! Get it? You’re my pole! And you’re dancing!”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re hammered!” I turned around to face her and she smiled slyly.

“Not too hammered to do this.” She leaned in and before I could react, had cupped the back of my neck and was kissing me softly, tracing her tongue over my lips. I opened my mouth without thinking and she immediately snaked her tongue inside, searching out my own.

I pushed her away gently, unsure of what to say. “Um…wow.” She swayed slightly in front of me and nodded, grinning. “No,” I laughed. “I mean, you’re very good at that, but, um, I like boys. A lot. But that was very nice, you should be pleased. My first girl kiss ever. Well done.” I sighed. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Awww, Charlie, don’t be mad, please. I was just foolin’ around.” That same sly smile came over her again. “Unless you wanna do it again.”

I shook my head, still laughing. “No, that’s okay. I’m gonna get some air. Back in a minute.” I headed for the door, and ignored the looks of awe James and Pep were giving me. I told the bouncer I’d be back in a moment so he’d let me back in, and headed out to the street, taking deep breaths. “I have GOT to stop kissing people!” I scolded myself.

“You didn’t kiss her.” I looked up to see James leaning against the door of the club. “She kissed you. Although Pep seems to think you gave a little back for a second, before you realized what was happening.” He smiled and came over to put an arm around me. “You alright? Seem a little shakey. Kiss was that good, huh?”

“Surprised the hell outta me,” I admitted. I sighed as the full realization of what had happened hit me. “You’re not mad, are you? I didn’t mean for…”

He shook his head quickly. “No. I’m not mad. Fairly turned on, but not mad,” he laughed. “I know you didn’t mean to. I wondered about her though, she’s been giving you some pretty hot looks since she met you. And the rest of the bar was giving both of you some pretty hot looks after that kiss. Holy shit.”

I smiled, still not sure how I felt about it. “Turned on, hmm?” I murmured as I pressed myself against his chest. He nodded. “C’mere. I’ve got a cure for that.” I motioned for him to drop his head down so I could whisper to him. “Gio…naked…” I backed away and slapped his butt as he burst out laughing. “C’mon, Big Daddy. Can’t leave Pep alone in there, he’s still worried some guy’s gonna hit on him. He probably thinks I lied about this not being a gay bar now.”

We went back in and James had to hold me up as I nearly fell to the floor with laughter when I saw Pep. He was standing in the middle of the dance floor, arm extended straight up, while half a dozen people – women and men – danced around him. I made my way over and yelled over the music. “You wanna go?”

He grinned and nodded. “Yeah. I think I’m done. Remind me to tell Trish about this, she’ll laugh her ass off.”

Making sure my ‘hot little girlfriend’, as Kelly had been renamed by Pep, was able to get home okay on her own, the three of us took a cab back to the hotel. I picked up a few bottles of water and a large pizza from the all-night restaurant while James and Pep waited in the boat, and we took it to Pep’s to eat.

“So…when did you become hot for the chicas?” Pep grinned at me as he shoveled his fourth slice into his mouth.

I gave him the finger and wiped my hands on a napkin. “I am not hot for any chicas. That was a one-time thing, and I certainly didn’t plan it. I actually had very little to do with it. You’re better off talking to Kelly.”

“Yeah…I don’t imagine she’s as fun to tease as you are,” he laughed. “Worked in my favor, anyhow. Told the bartender you were my girlfriend and he gave me a free Corona.” He glanced over at James, who had dozed off on the couch. “How’d that guy take it?” he asked quietly.

“Fine, I guess. Didn’t seem upset, anyway.”

“Good. Nothin’ to get upset over. Two hot chicks kissing…it’s all good. You feelin’ okay about earlier? At lunch? I don’t imagine tonight helped with that very much.” He looked worried and I scooted across the floor to hug him.

“I’m fine. Trying not to think about that right now. Just…happy things seem to be okay with us.”

“You do seem happy, sugar. Which is good. Saves me from punching him again. Fucker’s jaw is HARD!” he whispered loudly.

I laughed and rubbed his hand. “Poor Keenan. It’s tough being a knight in shining armor, huh? You didn’t need to punch him, he was just being honest. Can’t blame the man for how he feels,” I said softly.

He nodded, and closed the pizza box. “You wanna stay here tonight? I’ve got like, five bedrooms for some reason. And Hetfield appears to be stuck on the couch, so you can take your pick. Unless you wanna wake him up and take him with you,” he added, shooting me a grin.

“Nah. Don’t wanna wake him. But yeah, I’ll stay. Thanks.”

He kissed my cheek. “See you in the morning then. I’ll try to refrain from crawling in beside you tonight,” he teased. “Night, baby girl. Love you.”

“Love you too, Pep. Sleep well.”

He headed up to bed and I tried to tidy up, putting the leftover pizza in the fridge with the unopened water bottles. Turning off the overhead light, I found a blanket and laid it over James, tucking it around his sleeping form. “Night, Papa Het,” I whispered, brushing his hair aside so I could kiss his forehead. “Sweet dreams.”

“Gio naked,” he mumbled, and I laughed.

“You’re not sleeping!”

“Half asleep,” he murmured. “That counts.”

“Fine. Half asleep. Switch to fully asleep, bud, it’s late.” I started to leave, and felt his hand take hold of mine. “Yes?”

He opened his eyes. “Where are you sleeping?”

“Upstairs, one of the bedrooms. There are three other empty ones, I think, if you’d rather stay there than on the couch.”

“And what if I’d rather stay with you than on the couch,” he whispered. “Just sleeping. I’ll behave.”

I nodded and led him upstairs, taking the first bedroom on the left. My heart was pounding as I pulled the covers back. He unbuttoned his Hawaiian shirt, and then pulled off the wife beater, handing it to me. “So you don’t have to sleep in your dress.” He turned around and waited for me to change, and I got under the covers sheets as he turned off the lights. I felt him move across the bed, and his hand reached out for mine. Bringing my fingers to his lips, he kissed them. “Night, Charlie.”

“Night, James.”

I lay there listening to him breathing, my hand still entwined with his. My body was tired, but my mind was racing. I kept trying to block out how I’d felt at lunch, with the flashback to Lars and Sully, but it wasn’t working. And with James and Pep both being so cuddly lately, it was bound to happen again. I looked over at James, watching his chest rise and fall slowly in the dark, and wondered how he’d react if I woke him up, demanding to talk. Not well, I guessed.

Gently releasing my hand from his, I slipped out of bed and went down the hall to Pepper’s room, opening the door slowly. He was sleeping, spread eagle as usual, with the covers already askew on the bed. I bent over him, tapping his shoulder lightly. “Pep?”

In one swift movement he hauled me onto the bed and looped an arm around my waist. “Heh. Told you ya couldn’t sleep without somebody next to ya,” he murmured against my ear. “What’s up, baby girl?”

“Can’t stop thinking,” I replied, shifting on the bed to get comfortable.

“Thinking about James?”

“James…Lars…Sully…” I sighed. “He’s in there, sleeping next to me, and I just can’t seem to stop replaying everything in my mind. I’m sorry, honey. I know you’re tired. I just-”

“Need to stop apologizing all the time?” he interrupted. “Of course you’re gonna be thinking about this stuff. You haven’t resolved anything with Hetfield. He’s acting like everything’s okay, but it’ll never be okay until the two of you discuss what happened. You need to tell him how much he hurt you, he needs to do the same thing, and then you both need a good fuck.” He flipped onto his back and pulled me against him. “I think I may have missed my calling as a therapist,” he chuckled.

“Talk and fuck,” I mused. “Great advice, baby.”

He looked over at me. “You think I’m wrong?”

“No,” I sighed. “I’m just scared of the talking part. What if we talk, and I explain everything, and tell him how I feel…and then he doesn’t want me?”

“I’ll kill him.”

I laughed and snuggled up closer. “That’s a lovely offer, sweets, but I’m serious. What if he decides he doesn’t wanna be with me? What if everything that’s happened is too much for him to get past?”

Pep rolled onto his side, facing me, and ran a hand over my hair. “Then he doesn’t deserve you,” he said softly. “It kills me, darlin’, that you don’t know how great you are, and how lucky Het would be to have you. C’mere.” He hugged me tightly, and kissed the top of my head. “Love you. If you can’t sleep next to Het, maybe you’re better off sleeping in your own bed? Just a suggestion.”

I nodded, and kissed his cheek before getting off the bed. “Thanks for the talk.”

“Anytime, baby.”

I closed his door and went back down the hall. James had moved to the middle of the bed. Sitting beside him, I shook him gently. He rolled over and put an arm over my legs. “Hey,” he murmured. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine, I just can’t sleep. I’m gonna head back to my place, maybe read for a while or something. I just wanted to let you know in case you woke up later and…wondered.”

“Want me to come with you?”

“No,” I smiled. “That’s okay. But how ‘bout I come back here in the morning and cook you guys some breakfast? Pep’s fridge is totally stocked. Sound like a plan?”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah, cool. You sure you’re okay?”

“Absolutely,” I lied. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

We said goodnight, again, and I ran across the damp grass, wiping my feet on the porch before going into my bedroom. I contemplated changing into pajamas, and preferred the option of staying in James’ wife beater. It still smelled like him. Turning out the lights, I snuggled down under the sheets and tried to think happy thoughts. Pep had arrived, Trish would be here soon, and Phil and Woody. Things with James seemed to be progressing…and I was staying on a beautiful, tropical island. And Sully and Lars… “Stop it,” I said aloud, pulling a pillow over my head.

The pillow seemed to do the trick. I fell asleep, and didn’t wake until early the next morning. I showered quickly and put on a pair of grey, short cutoff sweatpants, and an old pink Abercrombie tee shirt. Tying my hair up, I headed over to Pep’s. The guys were still sleeping, so I tried to be quiet while I assembled the food. Eggs and bacon, homemade hash browns, fruit salad and English muffins. I started a pot of coffee going, and set out three glasses of orange juice.

Leaving the coffee to brew, I headed upstairs to Pep’s room first. He was awake, lying on his back. “Hey, pretty girl,” he drawled, smiling at me. “Thought I smelled somethin’ good wafting up here. You makin’ breakfast for the men folk?”

“Only if the men folk get their asses downstairs in the next few minutes. I don’t deliver.” I bent down and kissed his forehead, letting myself be pulled into a hug. “You sleep alright after I left?”

“Was just about to ask you the same thing. I slept great.” He released me from the hug and stretched, yawning as he did so.

“Me too. ‘kay, I’m gonna go wake Het. See you downstairs in a minute.” I left his room and knocked lightly on James’ door. He called for me to come in, and I pushed the door open to see him sitting on the side of the bed in just his boxers, rubbing his eyes. “Morning, Papa Het.”

He gave me a sleepy smile. “Morning, baby,” he said, his voice hoarse and thick with sleep. “Get any rest?”

“Yeah, eventually,” I nodded, trying to ignore the huge swarm of butterflies that had invaded my gut at his use of the word ‘baby’. “Made some breakfast if you’re hungry.”

“Sounds good. Guess I should get dressed.”

I started to leave and then turned around at the last minute, walking quickly to the bed and putting my arms around his neck. He slid his arms around my waist, pulling me close, and one of his hands slipped under the back of my tee shirt, fingers playing over the small of my back, holding me tighter as I started to pull away. “The eggs are gonna get cold,” I mumbled into his neck.

“I love cold eggs.”

“Pepper’s gonna wonder where we are.”

“No, he won’t,” James chuckled as he continued to rub my back.

I sighed, and leaned back so I could see his face. “I’m scared of taking this any further before we’ve talked about everything.” I stared down at our feet. “Sorry…”

“Hey…no. Don’t be sorry.” He cupped my cheek gently and tilted my head up to meet his gaze. “I understand. And we’ll talk soon. But not before I get some breakfast,” he smiled.

“Yeah. Breakfast. Cold eggs. Okay, get dressed, I’ll see you downstairs.” I squeezed his shoulder and left the room.

I found Pep in the kitchen and he handed me a steaming mug of coffee as I approached. “What time does your woman get here today?” I asked as I took a sip. He’d made it exactly as I liked my morning cup, with tons of milk and sugar. “This afternoon?” He nodded, and handed me a piece of bacon. “So, until then, wanna maybe play with the jet skis? Or do you have stuff you need to do?”

He nodded. “More people to see. I gotta take off, actually. But we’re all going to dinner tonight, yeah?”

I kissed his cheek and grabbed some more bacon. “You betcha.”

He patted my butt and took off just as James came into the kitchen. “Where’s Pep off to?” he asked, coming to stand beside me and stealing a piece of my bacon.

“Meeting with more wedding people, I think. You up for some jet ski action?” I turned to face him and he nodded. “’kay, I’m gonna go find a bikini. I’ll meet you at the dock in a bit.”

I jogged back to my hut and stripped off my shorts and tee shirt, tying my black string bikini and pulling on red board shorts over that. I had just finished putting my hair in a ponytail when James knocked on my door. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” I smiled. I heard the chirping sound from the phone and laughed. “Man, I bet you twenty bucks that’s Kelly. Either apologizing for last night, or asking if we can do it again.”

James grinned and picked up the phone, handing it to me.

“Hellooooo…” I laughed into the phone.

“Hey, little one,” Lars spoke quietly. “Got a second?”

I was stunned into silence for a moment. I looked at James, who still thought it was Kelly, and he motioned for me to talk. “Hi…” I said softly. “What’s up?”

“Look, I’m sure you’re really busy, but I thought if you had a few minutes to talk, um, there’s some stuff I need to say.”

“You’ve already said plenty,” I reminded him, my voice becoming louder. “And I’m not sure I want to hear anything else. I’m really not up for fighting with you over the phone, Lars, so perhaps this could wait til I get home?” James leaned against the doorframe, eyes wide. He mouthed ‘Lars?’ at me and I nodded.

“Please, little one? Just hear me out? I won’t take up much of your time, I swear.” His voice was low and soft, and almost sad.

“Fine,” I sighed. “Gimme a sec.” I put my hand over the phone and looked at James. “I don’t imagine this’ll take long, if you wanna wait.”

He shook his head and ran a hand over my hair. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be down on the beach when you’re done.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead, and was gone.

“Speak,” I said into the phone.

“I’m sorry.”

I walked over to the bed and sat down, confused as hell. Lying back on the bed, I closed my eyes and attempted to not freak out.

“Charlie? Did you hear me, honey?”

“Yes, I heard you, Lars, and stop calling me pet names. Wasn’t that long ago that you were pretty much calling me a whore. Again. Things don’t change that easily.” My voice broke and I felt my eyes get hot. Great. Crying on the phone with Lars. Just what I needed. I stood up again and started pacing the room slowly. “So, what, you just woke up this morning and decided you’d forgiven me? Figured you should call and chat?”

He sighed loudly. “Fock. Charlie, look, we both did stuff that hurt the other person-”

“AhHA! So you DID call to get pissed at me again. Shoulda known. Sorry, Lars, I’m not up for getting yelled at today, okay? And if I was up for it? I could just replay the lovely memory of you at the museum. I don’t need any fresh material, thanks.” Part of me wanted to be patient, to hear him out. The other part of me just wanted to tell him to fuck off.

“Charlie, please…” he said quietly, pleading with me.

“Make it quick, then, Lars. I’ve only slept with half the men on the island so far. I’m on a schedule, you know. Course now, thanks to you, I know how to knock ‘em off two at a time. Thanks EVER so much for telling that little story to James. Somehow I figured that what happened between you and I was private. Guess it only stayed that way until you wanted to use that information against me.”

“Christ, woman, would you just let me talk?”

I almost laughed at the frustration in his voice, and wondered how long it would take for him to start swearing in Danish. “Fine. Talk.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “For leaving the hotel room, for sending that chick up to throw you out, and for everything I said in Boston. Please, Charlie, can you forgive me?”

This time I did burst out laughing. Bitter, angry laughter. “The fuck? Forgive you? One sweeping apology and we’re all better? Lars, I’m sorry for hurting you, too, but if I had tried to apologies like you just did? You would have cursed me out in a foreign language and taken off. Again. Why is there always a shitty scenario, and a whole lot of drama, and THEN an apology? Why can’t we skip all the bad stuff?” I sat down on the bed again, rubbing my eyes. “Why did you leave me alone? Why couldn’t you have stayed and talked?”

“Things would be a lot different right now if I had, huh,” he said softly. “I had to leave, sweetie. I was too angry to stay and talk. I thought the only reason you were in New York was because James had convinced you to come.”

God, if he only knew.

“After you and James each left Boston, I, um, kinda hung out with Sully for a bit.”

He what? “You WHAT?”

“James left the next morning to go see Pepper, and I went out the next night with some buddies, and Sully was there. We ended up talking in the bar for like five hours, and he told me everything.” He paused for a minute, and I mentally cursed Sully. “I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t know.”

“Didn’t know what?”

“I didn’t know that James didn’t want you to go to New York. Or that you got in a huge fight with him about it. And he told me why you left home. About that kid dying, and those guys being on the west coast. That must have been a lot to deal with.”

God, if I thought a pissed off Lars was hard to deal with, an apologetic one was even worse. “Please stop, Lars. I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Okay, little one,” he almost whispered. “We don’t have to.”

He still hadn’t told me everything. “Who was that woman? The one who kicked me out of our suite?” I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to know the answer, but if we were ever going to attempt to be friends again, I figured we should get everything out.

“She was a fan,” he said slowly. “I met her in the bar off the main lobby. I’m sorry, Charlie. I was so angry, I didn’t know how to talk to you. I thought if she went up and asked you to leave…that was a shitty thing to do, I know. I’m so sorry.”

“She answered your phone when I called from home a couple days later,” I reminded him.

“Yeah. I was pissed about you and Sully. Feeling pretty sorry for myself. So I kept her around. God, I wish I hadn’t. She was harder to get rid of than crabs. Fock.”

I let out a little giggle, and then sighed. “Why do we keep doing this, Lars? I hate that I keep hurting you. And I really hate that you keep hurting me.”

“Charlie…” his voice had dropped back to a near-whisper again. “Do you still love me? Even just a little bit? As my friend?”

I fell back on the bed, closing my eyes. I remembered what Cliff had said, that Lars was the most forgiving person he’d ever known. And it sounded like he’d forgiven me. Surely, I owed him the same in return? And the truth? “Yeah,” I admitted. “I do love you, Danish. But I don’t like you all that much, right now.”

“I love you, too, little one. And I’m sorry I keep hurting you. You have to understand, James is my best friend, he’s like my brother. And he was devastated when you left, sweetie. He felt like it was all his fault, like he’d pushed you away somehow, even though he’d asked you to stay. So when we saw you with Sully…”

“He got upset and you had to take sides because he’s your best friend. I get it, Lars,” I gave a tired sigh. “I understand. I just…I wish I’d had a chance to talk to him about it first.”

“Can you talk to him now?” he asked timidly.

“I’m trying. I don’t think he’s ready to hear it yet. But, hopefully soon.”

“Keep trying, sweetie. He really cares about you. I mean, we all do. You know what I mean.”

I smiled. “Yeah. I know.”

He was quiet for a minute before speaking again. "I really am sorry, little one. If I could take it all back..."

"Don't say that, Lars," I said quickly, remember what else Cliff had told me. "No regrets, sweetie. No matter what."

He gave a short, humorless laugh. "God, Cliff used to say that all the time. I would take it back, Charlie. I never would have left the suite that night if I'd known..." he let out a long breath and I could picture him running a hand through his short hair, pacing back and forth quickly. "If I'd known I was gonna lose you. I would have stayed."

"Danish, you didn't lose me. We just...won't be as close as we were. But we can work on that." I hoped we could, anyway. "Right?" Suddenly I was afraid he'd say no.

"Course we can. So," he started, his voice sounding much lighter. "Tell me about this island, little one. Tropical paradise, or what?"

I smiled and stretched out on the bed, telling him about the resort, the jeep trip, the snake around James' arm, and then my most recent adventure with Kelly.

"Fock! Did anybody get pictures?"

We chatted a while longer, and I finally said I should get off the phone to go find James. "I'll be home in a couple weeks, Danish. Maybe we could meet up? Talk some more? I'm worried if we leave it too long, it'll be harder to get things back to how they were before New York. And Boston."

"Man," he mused. "We really don't do well on the east coast, do we. Yeah, sweetie. Call me when you get back, we'll hang out. Have fun at the wedding, and give Pep and Trish a hug for me. Take care of yourself, okay? And Het, too?"

"I will. Thanks for calling, Lars. Means a lot to me."

"Bye, little one."

"Bye, Danish."

Tossing the cordless on the bed, I pulled on a ball cap and headed down to the beach to find James. He was sitting at the far end of the stretch of sand, knees pulled up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them. Glancing up as I wandered over, he squinted at me in the sunlight. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry about that, I didn’t know he was gonna call.” I sat beside him, and traced little circles in the sand with my fingers.

“S’okay,” he said quietly, ducking his head.

“Cool. So…jet skis? C’mon,” I started to take his hand and he pulled away, wincing. “James?” I glanced down and saw his hand was bleeding. “Christ, sweetie, what happened?”

He looked up at me, and then past me, looking down the beach. “Punched a palm tree.”

God. Where did boys learn this stuff? Get angry? Hit a tree! I gently took his hand again, only touching his palm. “C’mon back to the house, okay? Let’s get you cleaned up. Can’t have you in the water if you’re bleeding, Het, or we’ll really have to worry about sharks.” I stood up and pulled him up with me by his other hand. “So…it’s really not okay, then? That Lars called here?” I said as we started back up the beach.

“It’s fine, Charlie. I’m glad you guys talked.”

I wondered why he was punching trees then, if it was ‘fine’. I had a ridiculous mental image pop into my head and couldn’t help the giggle that escaped. James stopped walking and raised an eyebrow. “No, sweetie, not laughing at you. Just…was thinking how funny it would have been if you’d punched the tree hard enough to knock a coconut down, and it hit you on the head, and knocked you out, and…sorry,” I giggled again, and he smiled.

“You’re such a dork,” he chuckled, and we continued walking.

We reached my hut and I sat him on the bed, going into the bathroom to wet a facecloth. I doused it in cold water and then wrapped the cloth around his hand gently. “Sorry, baby,” I murmured as he bit his lip in pain. I checked the small bar fridge in my room for ice, and found only empty ice trays. “Pep probably has ice at his place. Wanna head over there?”

He shook his head slowly. “He’s gonna be getting the place ready for Trish, we should stay here.”

I nodded, and ran another cloth under cold water to swap with the other one. Sitting beside him, I started to change the cloths and saw that the bleeding seemed to have stopped. “Do you do this a lot?” I asked, resting his palm in mine, staring at the myriad of little scars dotting his knuckles.

“Used to. Not so much anymore.”

I brought his hand to my lips and kissed his palm lightly. Something flashed in his eyes and I swallowed hard, recognizing that look. “James?”

“Fuck it,” he growled. Shoving me back on the bed, he ravaged my mouth with his own, forcing my lips apart with his tongue. I arched against him, tangling my hands in his hair as he yanked my bikini top aside, sucking and biting at my nipple so hard I thought he might draw blood. Sliding back up my body, he nipped at my earlobe as his hand fumbled with the ties on my shorts. He stopped suddenly, resting his head in the crook of my neck, laying his hand flat on my belly. “I can’t…” he murmured against my skin. “I’m sorry, Charlie, I just can’t.” He pushed himself off me, standing up.

“James, it’s okay, we don’t have to.”

“No,” he said softly. “I mean I can’t do this. I can’t be with you.” He turned away from me, heading for the door. I fixed the top of my bikini and scrambled off the bed.

“James, wait!” I pushed the door shut as he tried to open it. “Please don’t go. You promised we could talk about this.” I took his uninjured hand in mine and leaned against the door. “Please stay.” He shook his head and tried to move me away from the door. “No,” I whispered, not caring that I’d started crying. “Stay.” I tried to keep my weight against the door as I slid my arms around his waist, pressing my forehead to his chest.

He cupped the back of my neck and kissed the top of my head, but I saw his hand move to the doorknob. “Let me out, sweetie,” he said softly. I looked up and saw tears in his eyes. “C’mon, Charlie.”

“Please, James. Please don’t do this.” I couldn’t believe we’d come this far and he was trying to end it.

“I can’t,” he sighed, and hoisted me off the floor, setting me down a few feet from the doorway. “I’m sorry, baby.” He wiped quickly at his eyes and left, shutting the door softly behind him. I waited about three seconds before bolting out the door after him. He was already halfway across the grass, taking long strides, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. I caught up with him at his door.

“Why?” I grabbed his arm and made him turn and face me. “Just listen to me, James. Please! I can explain, please talk to me.” I didn’t care that I was begging.

“Charlie, I can’t…” he looked down at his feet. “I can’t touch you without thinking of you and Lars. Or you and Sully. I can’t…get…the images…out…of my head,” he said through gritted teeth, and I let go of his arm. “I thought this was something I could get past.” He opened his door and stepped inside, turning to face me again. “But I can’t.” And with that, he closed the door gently in my face.


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Lucifer's Angel
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Heavy Metal Seanchai
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Yeah, Lars is forgiving, but he's still a little jerk :rolleyes: Poor Charlie, she's got her hands full with Lars, James, Sully and Pepper's wedding. This is much better than any soap opera on TV :)
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Mina
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Morgenstern
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So agreed on the soap opera statement of Vanessa :)

I'm glad that at least Lars has forgiven Charlie, but it's a whole different story with James. Damn, I thought it would get better with them and now he's chickening out.
Poor Charlie..


Can't wait to read more :)
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Fade_To_Black
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Bad Seed
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awww that last part was sad! Im glad Lars has forgiven her, its just James who needs to figure things out now..come on Het, get that 'hot ass' into gear and be with her!!!


Cant wait for more :biggrin :nanner: Love it!
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Metalicious
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Blackened
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Morning everybody! :biggrin

Little update before I go refill my coffee. Note - the italicized text is a flashback. Enjoy ;)

*******************************************************

I pressed both hands against the door and leaned my forehead against it. Slowly dropping one hand to the doorknob, I tried turning it, and let out a strangled sob when I found he’d locked it. “I could have explained,” I whispered. “I could have made it right, if you’d just given me a chance.” Turning around, I leaned back against the door, wishing James would open it and let me in. I don’t know how long I stood there, but I eventually stepped down to the grass and walked slowly back to my hut, not daring to turn around in case he was watching me.

Suddenly I felt completely exhausted. The conversation with Lars had been draining enough, but to be pushed away with such finality from James, knowing it was finally over, was too much. I collapsed onto the bed and wrapped the covers around me.

I awoke to someone gently running a hand over my hair. I kept my eyes closed. As long as I didn’t look, I could pretend it was James. “C’mon, sweetie, are you gonna sleep through my wedding, or what?” I relented and opened my eyes. Trish was lying next to me, inches away. “Hey,” she said softly. “You okay?”

I shook my head slowly, and didn’t bother trying to stop the tears that immediately started up. “No. S’over.”

She hugged me tightly, rubbing my back. “I’m sorry, honey. Is there anything I can do?” I shook my head and sobbed against her. “Shhhh, it’s okay, Charles. You’ll be alright, sweetie. I promise.” She leaned back from me slightly and tilted my chin up. “Phil’s here. And Woody, and Pep and I, and I hear you made a new friend,” she smiled. “So there are lots of people to distract you from the evil, horrible bastard.”

“He’s not evil, or horrible, or a bastard,” I sniffed. “It’s my f-fault,” I stammered. “I hurt him too much. And now he doesn’t want me.”

“Okay, honey. Maybe he’s not evil, or horrible, but if he doesn’t want you, then he’s a damn idiot. Are you sure you’re right though? It’s really over?”

“Mmm hmm,” I nodded. “Where’s everyone else?” I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

“The guys are all at our place. You wanna go say hello? C’mon, I think we should. Show that tankass you’re just fine without him.” She took one look at me and frowned. “Maybe wash your face first, put on a little makeup, hmm? Little bit of war paint?” She smiled and squeezed my hand. “I mean it, sweetie. You’re gonna be fine.”

I changed into my dark green cargo pants and a white tank top, and brushed out my hair. The makeup wasn’t so much for James’ benefit, but for Pep’s. I worried that if he knew how upset I was, there might be another punch or two thrown.

We wandered over slowly, with Trish offering words of encouragement all the way, saying things like, “don’t worry, if he’s a dick, Pep’ll kill him,” and “there’s lots of gin in our fridge.”

We walked around back and found the guys sprawled in lawn chairs. Phil and Pep each had a beer, and Woody and James were talking animatedly. Phil saw me and jumped up from his chair, promptly spilling his beer. “Hey, Trouble!” He grinned and hugged me, lifting me off the ground to spin me around. “Heard you had some girl-on-girl action the other night. Any chance we’ll get to see a repeat performance?”

“I doubt it, sweetie,” I told him, smiling a little as he put me down. “But I’m sure Kelly would love to meet you. She’ll probably be at dinner. Maybe you can play tonsil hockey with her tonight, hmm?”

“Hey, baby girl. You have a good morning?” Pep came over and put an arm around Trish, kissing her temple before looking back to me. “Why are your eyes red?” he said quietly, and I tensed at the undercurrent of anger in his voice. “Charlie? What’s up, honey?”

“She’s been cutting onions,” Trish suggested.

“And then, um, your girl hit me in the eye. With a big stick,” I added.

“Uh huh,” he nodded. “Ya’ll are lying your cute little butts off right now. That’s just fiiiiiiiiiiine,” he drawled, narrowing his eyes. “Couple glasses of wine at dinner and I’ll get it outta ya. Not that I don’t have a damn good idea already,” he warned me, turning back to the guys.

Woody ambled over next, enveloping me in a warm hug. “Hi, darlin’. I’ve got a few wedding issues I need to discuss with you, as you’re the…bridesmaid? Maid of honor? Whatever your title is, it’s important. Care to take a stroll on the beach?” He nodded his head downward and I saw the roach he was holding.

“I always liked you best, Woods,” I smiled at him. Glancing over my shoulder as we headed down to the beach, I saw James watching us. I held his gaze for a moment and then had to look away. We walked to the far end of the beach, and Woody passed me the joint and his lighter. “Thanks for this,” I coughed slightly as I inhaled.

“No worries. Figured this way we could blame your red eyes on the smoke.” He smiled and took the joint from me, and we sat side by side on a big piece of driftwood. “You gonna be alright?”

“Are you kidding me? I’m great. My two best friends are getting married next week. Other than Trish, I’m the happiest girl on the island.”

He grinned and then shot me a look. “Wait…other than Trish, you’re the ONLY girl on the island. Sneaky, Tyler.”

We stayed down there for about an hour, discussing the wedding plans and little stuff Woody had arranged with James for Pep and Trish. Apparently they hadn’t bothered with the bachelor party while they’d been in Louisiana, since James figured it’d be more enjoyable when we were here. It was scheduled for the next night, though Woody added it was a bit silly to call that one night the bachelor party, as he guessed there would be plenty of drunkenness and general debauchery every night until the wedding. Then he mentioned that I was invited to the party. “You sure about that?” I asked Woody as we headed back. “I’m not entirely sure James is cool with me tagging along.”

“He doesn’t have a choice, darlin’. You’re one of Pep’s best friends, and as such, you’re automatically included in the group. Anyway, I double-checked with him when we arrived, and he said it was fine.” We had returned to the back of the house and I saw everyone had moved inside. Following Woody into the house, I quietly thanked him again for our little ‘walk’. “Anytime, sugar.”

Trish took me upstairs to show me my dress. I tried it on and was twirling around in it when Pep wandered in. He leaned against the doorway, studying me without speaking. “What?” Trish and I asked at the same time.

“Nothing,” he laughed, holding up his hands. “I just…it’s pretty, but it’s not really you, is it, doll.”

Trish and I looked at each other, and then at the dress. “It’s gorgeous,” I assured her.

“I know,” she said slowly. “But he’s right. It’s totally not you. Shit, Charles. Oooooh!” she clapped her hands. “Your long, white dress!”

“I’m not wearing white to your wedding, you dork. I’m not the bride!” I crossed my arms in front of me and burst out laughing when she started to pout. “Don’t give me the puppy dog eyes, woman, I am IMMUNE.” Her bottom lip started to quiver and Pep shot me a worried glance. “She’s faking,” I assured him. The lip quiver intensified, and one, single, glistening tear rolled down her left cheek, and Pepper practically jumped on her, folding her into his arms.

“Wear it,” he begged me. “Please wear it.”

Trish peeked out from his arms and winked at me, and I shook my head, laughing. “God, you two are insufferable. Fine, I’ll wear it. You,” I pointed at Trish, “are horrible. And you, sir,” I smiled at Pep, “are verrrrrry flexible to be able to bend all the way around her little finger like that.” Putting my arms around both of them, I hugged them tightly. “Love you guys.”

“Aww, we love you too, sweetie. And if you want Pep to murder James at any time, you just say the word and I’ll do the pout again.” She smiled at me and then clapped a hand over her mouth. “Shit!”

Pepper stepped back. “Well. Didn’t need that wine after all, hmm? I need to sort out Hetfield again, do I?”

“No,” I said firmly, putting an arm around him. “It’s over, sweetie. There’s nothing to sort out. Okay, I’m gonna go change, and then take that dress to get dry-cleaned. See you at dinner?”

“Bye, honey,” Trish smiled at me, still leaning against Pepper.

I stopped briefly in the living room to chat with Woody, and then headed back to my place, not looking at James as I left. Figuring I’d just stay on the main island until dinner, I showered and put on a short, strapless blue dress, tying my hair back and sliding a white lily through my ponytail. Changing my silver earrings for a small pair of diamond ones, I stepped into my heels and with my white dress in one arm, and a little handbag in the other, I headed off to meet the boat I’d requested to take me to the main island.

“I’m telling you, James, you’re being a total ass about this!” Pepper’s voice carried across the space between our houses. “You have NO idea what she’s been through, and you’re only making it worse. Jesus Christ, the poor thing deserves a break, but all you do is go and fuck with her head some more.”

Looking to the dock, I saw the boat hadn’t arrived, and I headed over to Pep’s in an attempt to mediate.

“I do SO know what she’s been through, Pepper,” James argued, his voice not quite as loud as Pep’s. “She told me everything.”

“No, she didn’t,” Pepper growled.

“Yes, she…fuck this. She did so.” James started to walk away and I saw Pep start to follow him. I jogged after him, willing him not to say anything else.

“NO! She DID NOT!” Pepper stopped suddenly and yelled.

“Please don’t, baby,” I said as I came up behind him. “It doesn’t matter, Pep. Telling him won’t make a difference.” I saw James had turned around and was watching us. “It’ll only make things worse. Please, Keenan?”

“Fine,” he said, and I could tell he was seething. Turning his back on James, he kissed my forehead. “You look beautiful, baby girl. Ready for dinner now, hmm?” James turned and walked away slowly, hands in his back pockets, and I longed to go after him. “You should tell him,” Pepper said softly.

“No, I shouldn’t. He feels sorry enough for me as it is, sweetheart. I don’t wanna add to that. I just want to forget about this, okay? He’s moving on. I need to try to do that, too.” I heard the purr of the hotel motorboat and knew my ride had arrived. “I’ll see you in a bit. Promise me you won’t bring this up again? You swore…”

“I know,” he said quickly. “I won’t.” Hugging me briefly, he sighed and headed back up to the house.

“Liar,” I murmured as he walked away.

Dinner was blessedly uneventful. I sat between Woody and Phil, and Kelly joined us, flirting her little butt off with Phil the whole time, much to the amusement of me and Woody.

“You wanna go for a walk later, doll? Like the walk we took earlier?” Woody asked quietly as we sipped coffee. I looked up to see James watching me from across the table, and shook my head.

“I’ll come with you if you want company, Woods, but I think I’m gonna take a break with the pot. I feel like it’s affecting my moods. But I’m definitely up for the walking part. Are you going now?”

He nodded and pushed his chair back, holding out his hand for me. I took it and said goodbye to the rest of the group, waving briefly to Pep and Trish who were slow-dancing on the grass. We headed down to the main beach. The sun was sitting low in the sky, and the beach was deserted. We walked along the sand just above the tide mark, not speaking until we’d almost reached the far end of the beach.

“You gonna be okay tomorrow? At the party? Pep’ll understand if you don’t wanna go, Charlie.” Woody flicked the ash off the tip of the joint as he took a seat in the dry sand.

I waded in the shallows and turned to face him. “I know he’d understand, but I’m fine. And he’s my best friend. I can’t miss this. Not if he wants me there. It’ll be fine. All you guys are going, so there’ll be plenty of people to talk to, for James and for me. I might not stay for the whole thing, but I definitely wanna be there for a bit. Cool?” I splashed water at him with my foot and he smiled.

“Cool.”

We stayed on the beach for a while longer, just happy to be in each other’s company, not really talking much. Woody was always good for companionable silences. Eventually, he stood up and gestured towards the resort, so we walked back slowly. Pep had left us the motorboat, and we got back to the island just as Phil was lighting a bonfire. “I think I’m gonna hit the sack, Woods. I’m pretty beat,” I told him as I started towards my door.

“Hey, no…come on. Just stay for a bit. It’ll be fun. There’ll be marshmallows,” he raised an eyebrow at me enticingly. “And I know how much you love sugar.”

I laughed and followed him over to where everyone was gathered around the fire. Pep and Mike were debating adding more wood, or lighter fluid, Trish and Kelly looked to be engrossed in a conversation, and Phil was talking…at James. Who was staring at me. Again.

“I’m gonna go grab us some beers, sweets,” Woody said, turning towards the house. I nodded and started towards the fire.

Breaking a stick over my knee, I tossed the pieces into the flames. Catching Pep’s eye, I smiled at him and turned to go give Woody a hand with the beers, and ran straight into James. “Excuse me,” I said quietly, moving to go past him. He put a hand on my shoulder, and turned me to face him. I raised my eyebrows, wondering what the hell he wanted this time. I didn’t have a chance to find out.

“Either you’re with her, or you’re not with her,” Pep growled behind me, sliding an arm around my waist. “Stop fucking with her head, dick.”

James smirked and then turned on his heel, walking back to his chair beside Mike. “Subtle, baby,” I said, leaning back against Pepper.

“Nobody messes with my girl,” he said softly, kissing my temple. “Only wish there was something more I could do. I hate seeing you hurting.” Walking around to face me, he cupped my cheek in his hand.

I giggled. “You smell like lighter fluid. Careful you don’t burn your hand off, darlin’. You’re gonna need it for the wedding.” I stepped back and smiled. “I’m not hurting. Just annoyed. It’ll be fine, okay?” I glanced up as Woody reappeared with beers. “I think I’m gonna down the Corona Woods is bringin’ me and then hit the sack. That alright? Not too antisocial of me?”

He shook his head. “Not at all. Long as you’re up for a late one tomorrow night, baby girl,” he grinned, and then grew serious. “If there’s anything I can do? You’ll let me know, right?”

I nodded, and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Night, Keenan. Love you.”

“Love you, too, baby girl.” He gave my cheek another peck and went off to sit by Trish and Kelly. I watched as he sat directly in Trish’s lap, making her laugh as he planted multiple kisses all over her face. They were so perfect together, and I found myself envying their relationship.

I accepted the beer from Woody, along with his offer to walk me back to my place. “You on Charlie Duty tonight?” I smiled as we left the bonfire.

“Yup,” he sighed. “Nothin’ to do with you bein’ my friend, or me enjoying hangin’ out with ya, or just wantin’ a few minutes away from the crowd. I do it all out of obligation, sugar.” He took a long pull of his beer and then smacked me lightly upside the head. “You dork. You really think that’s why I spend time with you?”

“…no,” I said sheepishly. He always knew how to snap me out of a bout of self-pity. “I know it’s cause I’m fun, and sweet, and a pretty pretty princess.”

He coughed, choking on his beer. “Well, the first two, anyway,” he chuckled. We arrived at my front door, and he immediately sat in the hammock. “This is a pretty sweet set-up,” he mused, swinging back and forth, sipping at his beer. “We could take it down, use it to wrap Het’s body when we toss it into the ocean.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “Is that little protective streak just built-in with you southern boys?”

He looked up at me and grinned from under his mass of curls. “Yes ma’am. Sure is.” He stayed until we’d both finished our beers, and then took the empty bottle from me, kissing the top of my head. “Night, Charlotte. Sweet dreams.”

“Night, Woodroe,” I giggled. I went inside, still giggling as I brushed my teeth. Woodroe Weatherman. What a cutie. Hanging up my dress, I pulled on Cliff’s Dawn of the Dead tee shirt, climbed into bed and snuggled down under the sheets.

I woke up to someone gently stroking my thigh. Opening my eyes, I saw Pep lying on my bed beside me, running his fingers over my leg. “Hey,” I murmured, rubbing my eyes. “You alright? Everything okay?”

He looked down, and then back up at me. “You know I love you, right?” I nodded. “And you love me.” I nodded again. “And you know I’d do anything for you, right?”

“Course I do,” I said softly.

“Then let me do this? For you?” he gently squeezed my leg. “For us?” Bending his head to mine, he pressed his lips to mine in a soft kiss that had me whimpering for more. He pulled back slightly, studying my face. “Please baby? I know this thing with James is tearing you apart. I just wanna help you forget about him for a little while. Let me do this. Let me take care of you, baby girl.”

I opened my mouth to ask about Trish and he kissed me again, silencing me. “Pep,” I gasped as we broke apart.

“Shhh, baby.” Shifting on the bed, he kissed my cheek, his stubble tickling my skin. “Just relax,” he murmured as his hand came up under my shirt to caress my stomach. I squirmed under his touch, and he let out a low, soft chuckle by my ear, nudging my legs apart with his knee. “I said…relax,” he whispered. His mouth moved to my neck, laying soft, open mouth kisses down to my collarbone. I shivered, taking short, quick breaths as he slowly lifted my tee shirt off. “God, baby girl…so beautiful.”

I slid a hand through his hair as he sucked one of my nipples into his mouth, teasing it with his teeth. Seemingly satisfied with the result on that nipple, he moved to the other, licking and sucking until it too was erect and swollen. Raising his gaze to meet my eyes, he slid one hand between my legs, cupping me gently. Biting my lip, I nodded slowly, and nearly shot off the bed when he slid his fingers inside me. Spreading my legs to allow him better access, I bucked against his hand, and whimpered when he removed his fingers. Sitting up, he stared at me. “Tell me right now if you want me to stop, darlin’.”

I moved so I was kneeling in front of him on the bed, and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, pausing every few seconds to lean forward and kiss his chest. He smelled so good, so familiar, like smoke and weed and his cologne, and a scent I recognized from endless hugs as just being Pep. Reaching the last button, I pushed the shirt off his shoulders, linking my arms around his neck, and kissed him softly. “I don’t want you to stop,” I mumbled against his mouth.

Unbuckling his belt, I slowly pulled it from his jeans, watching the brown leather slide through each belt loop. Dangling it in front of him, I grinned. “Be good, or I’ll use this.” He laughed, and ran his hands over my back as I undid the button on his jeans. Cupping him through the worn denim, I dropped my head forward against his chest, moaning at how hard he was. Pushing him back on the bed, I gestured for him to lift his hips so I could slide his jeans and boxers off. Tossing them beside the bed, I made myself comfortable between his legs, resting my head on his hip. He ran a hand over my hair, inhaling sharply as I gripped him firmly. Rolling over on my stomach, I propped myself up on my elbows, licking his shaft from base to tip. “So beautiful,” he murmured. “C’mere,” he slid me up his body so we were face to face.

“But I was just getting started,” I whined softly.

“I know, baby,” he whispered. “But I didn’t come here tonight for that. I wanna make love to you. Love you the way you deserve to be loved.” Lifting his head off the pillow, he brushed his lips across mine, parting my mouth with his tongue. Holding me against him, he rolled over so I was on my back. Slipping a hand between us, he guided himself into me, slowly, and I closed my eyes, arching against him. I opened them again when he stopped moving.

“Pep? Baby?”

He gazed down at me, and then rested his forehead against mine. “I just…I can’t believe I’m finally inside you,” he murmured. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes as he looked at me again. “Don’t cry, Charlie.” He bent his head to mine, kissing away my tears as they slid down my face.

Wrapping my arms around him, I squirmed slightly, inviting him to move. He kissed me, harder this time, as he withdrew and then thrust into me again and again. “Don’t stop,” I whimpered as he moved almost all the way out of me. “Please don’t stop.” Tangling my fingers in his hair, I pulled him down for a bruising kiss. “Harder,” I moaned. “Fuck me harder.”

He lowered his head, biting lightly at my neck, and chuckled. “Was that a request, baby girl?” Lifting his head he narrowed his eyes at me. “Or was that a dare?” Pulling out of me abruptly, he hooked an arm under my leg, hoisting it over his shoulder. Doing the same with my other leg, he re-positioned himself and slammed back into me, going even deeper than before. I cried out as the pain and pleasure overwhelmed me, and felt him tense as I clenched around him. Collapsing against me, he buried his face in my neck. “I love you,” he murmured against my skin. Pulling the sheets up around us, he cradled me in his arms, wiping away the tears that were still falling.

“Love you, too,” I whispered.

“Nobody else will ever love you like I do, baby,” he told me. “Not James, or Lars, or Sully. Only me. Do you understand? Only me…”

I bolted upright in bed, blinking in the harsh sunlight. Breathing heavily, I touched a hand to my face, not surprised to find tears. “Well, that was a new one.” The clock on the dresser read 10 a.m., and I wondered if I’d missed breakfast. Taking my time in the shower, I let the hot water pound down on me, trying to make sense of the dream. Sex with Pep. Because life wasn’t complicated enough, apparently.

The phone rang as I was getting dressed, and I half-expected it to be Trish, yelling at me for sleeping with her fiancé. The dream had been so real. So graphic. Pornographic, in fact. “Morning, baby girl,” Pep’s voice over the phone made me jump. “You comin’ over for breakfast, or what? Woody made a feast. Be here in two minutes, okay? Don’t make me come over there.”

“No! Don’t, um, don’t come here. I’ll be there in a minute. I just need to finish getting dressed.” I closed my eyes, trying to get the image of the two of us out of my head.

“Ohhhhhh…answering the phone nekkid, are ya?” he drawled, teasingly.

“Yep. I mean, no. Fuck, Pep, it’s too early for this. I’ll be over in a bit.” I hung up the phone and leaned against the wall. “FUCK!”

Ten minutes later, I let myself into the house, and found Woody flipping pancakes in the kitchen. “Mornin’, doll,” he said without turning around, catching a pancake on the back of the pan. Glancing over his shoulder, he smiled. “Sleep well?”

I watched as he put together an enormous plate of food. “Yeah. Great sleep. Um, is that for me?”

“Yup. The key to a good night out is a huge breakfast. Eat up,” he grinned.

“Ohhhh, yeah. Tonight. I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. I might have to bail. I just…it’s a guy thing. And I’m not, um, a guy. I should stay in with Trish or something. She might get lonely.” I caught the wry smile Woody shot me. “What? She might!”

“What’s this I hear, baby girl? You bailin’ on us tonight? My very last night as a free man, and I’m down a girl? Shit.” Pep came up behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder.

I whirled around and backed up. “Not bailing. Just decided your fiancé might appreciate the company more.” I felt myself start to blush under his gaze. “Be right back.” I jogged past him and went upstairs, sinking to the floor in the bathroom. “Don’t freak out, don’t freak out, don’t freak out,” I muttered over and over again.

Pep stuck his head in the bathroom. “You okay? Seem a little spooked this morning, sugar.” He came and crouched in front of me. “Did Hetfield pay a visit last night? Cause I’ll kick his fuckin’ ass if he-”

“He didn’t,” I said quickly. “It’s nothing. I’m fine. Just sleepy.”

“Charlie…please don’t lie to me, sweetie. I love you. I wanna help.”

I pulled my knees up to my chest. “Yup. And that’s how it started.” He shot me a curious look and moved to sit beside me. “I kinda, um, had a weird dream last night.” I let out a long sigh. “About you.” I felt my face grow hot. “About us.”

Putting an arm around my shoulders, he pulled me towards him. “Well that doesn’t sound that horrible. How come you’re freakin’…ohhhh.” He nodded slowly. “One of THOSE dreams. Gotcha. What, that’s never happened before?”

I shook my head. “Has it happened to you?” I asked incredulously. He’d never told me, if it had.

“Hell yeah. I used to feel so guilty for havin’ them. There you were, still recovering and vulnerable, and I was sleeping right beside you, having dreams about…nevermind. Completely inappropriate.” He kissed my temple and squeezed me tighter. “Wanna talk about it? Not just to stroke my ego, though that part might be fun.”

I shrugged. “We fucked.”

“I guessed that much, sweetheart. Who initiated it?”

“You did. But I jumped on board with the idea immediately. I woke up, in my dream, and you were there. Telling me it was to help me get over Het, or something. So I let you. Without even thinking about how Trish would feel, or how you’d feel, or-”

“Don’t do that, Charlie,” he said gently. “There’s no sense in beating yourself up for something you did in your subconscious. Now. Tell me,” he grinned. “Was I any good?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah,” I said, blushing again. “Course you were. Started out all sweet, and then got more intense, and you put my legs over your shoulders… um, anyway, yeah. It was pretty hot.”

“How’d it end?” he asked quietly.

I thought for a moment, trying to get the fuzzy details straight. “You told me you loved me, and that nobody else would ever love me like you do. Which is true, I guess,” I smiled. “Keenan?”

He glanced up. “Yeah?”

“Can we keep this between the two of us? I don’t think Trish would be too thrilled to know I’m having raunchy dreams about you. And the guys would just tease me for the rest of my life. Bad enough that I’ve told you,” I sighed, hating that I was still blushing.

“Course this stays between us. I wouldn’t tell anyone. But I doubt Trish would get upset, darlin’. She’d probably just find it kinda hot, and then forget about it. Anyway, who can blame you? I AM devastatingly attractive,” he drawled, nudging me with his hip. “And I do love you, darlin’. But someday, some guy, someone who’s actually worthy of you, is gonna come along and love you even more. No idea how he’s gonna do that, cause I’m fuckin’ crazy about you, but I’m sure he’ll find a way.” Standing, he reached for my hands and helped me up. “Get yourself sorted, honey, and then c’mon down for breakfast, okay? I’ll just tell Woody you’re not feelin’ too hot this morning. But you ARE coming out tonight, understand?”

I nodded, and hugged him tightly. “I’ll be there. Love you, too, Pep.”

“I know,” he sighed. “So much that you’re havin’ erotic dreams about me.” Chuckling, he held up his hands. “Sorry, sorry. Last reference to that, I swear. It’s forgotten. Honest.” He winked and backed out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

I splashed cold water on my face, and was patting myself dry with a towel when the door opened again. I didn’t even need to look up. “Morning, James.”

“You’re having sex dreams about Pepper now?” he asked softly. I stood up and met his eyes in the mirror, stunned that he’d been listening. “Christ, Charlie. What’s wrong with you?” He didn’t sound angry. Just…sad. “Don’t you have any normal friendships? Ones where you don’t fool around with the guy?” He kept talking, not letting me answer. “And of all people? Pepper? I can’t believe you’d do that to Trish.”

“It was just a fucking dream!” I finally blurted out.

He stared at me for a moment. “Dreams are just our subconscious carrying on what we think about. So you’re obviously thinking about fucking Pep.” His voice stayed calm, level, and it was scaring me. He shook his head and turned to leave. “Just one more reason for me not to be with you.”

I gripped the sink for support as my knees got weak. “Son of a bitch,” I muttered. “And good morning to you, too.”

I waited a few minutes and then went downstairs, where Woody hauled me into the kitchen, practically force-feeding me bacon. “Have a banana, too. Cause alcohol depletes the potassium in your system. Wait…” he looked puzzled. “Maybe you need to have the banana after you’ve been drinking. Not before. Shit. I dunno. Eat it now,” he shrugged. “S’fruit. It’s good for ya.”

I heard voices outside and figured that’s where everyone else must be. “I’m gonna go say good morning to Trish. Be right back.” I gave him a quick hug as he started up a fresh pot of coffee. Making my way to the back porch, I took a seat beside Trish on the steps. “Morning…”

She leaned against me, resting her head on my shoulder. “Morning, Charles. Missed you last night. You sleep okay?”

“Not really…” Fuck this not telling her thing. I dropped my voice so nobody else could hear. “Had sort of a vivid dream about Pep last night. It was really weird. I didn’t wanna tell you about it, but not telling you seems worse.”

“Hmmm…no more Corona before bedtime for you, I see,” she giggled. I let out a sigh of relief that she wasn’t pissed. “Was it hot?” She glanced at me and laughed again. “Guess so.” Standing up, she took my hand and led me back inside. “C’mon, doll. Let’s get some coffee and you can tell me all about it,” she grinned. “And then I can tell you what the real thing is like.”

“My poor, virgin ears,” I groaned, laughing when she swatted my arm.

We spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon just hanging around the house. The boys took off on various jet skis or boats, so Trish and I changed into bikinis and sunbathed on the pier until dinner time. I excused myself once the guys returned, and went to my place to change. We were going to some local restaurant for dinner, and then on to some bars after that, so I didn’t need to dress up. And actually, I mused to myself, if I was supposed to be one of the guys that night…I should probably dress the part.

I joined everybody in the backyard at Pep’s half an hour later, and earned a huge grin from Pep. “Going as me, this evening, are ya?” I’d chosen faded jeans, an old Motorhead tee he’d given me ages ago, and a wrist cuff on each arm.

“You only said I had to come with ya. Never said I had to look purty,” I drawled, and he laughed.

We all hugged Trish goodbye, and I promised to keep an eye on her man. She said she was more worried about what James might do, but I shushed her and told her it would be fine. Joining the guys in the big motorboat we’d hired for the evening, I declined the beer Phil offered me, figuring I should at least wait until after dinner to get hammered.

James had arranged for a big SUV to drive us around all night, and I climbed into the back, dismayed to find myself pressed up against the side of the truck, beside James. Pep was in the passenger’s seat up front, and Woody and Phil were in the bucket seats in the middle, with Mike sitting back with us, on James’ other side. I saw Woody’s hand reach back and I took it and squeezed. Not caring if this was Charlie Duty or not, I was glad of the support. The drive to the restaurant didn’t take long, and I breathed an audible sigh of relief when the truck stopped. James shot me a look and I glared right back. “What, you think this is fun for me, hanging out with someone who hates me? Again?” I scrambled over the seats so I wouldn’t have to wait for him to get out, and practically fell onto Pep as I exited the car.

“Somebody’s in a rush,” he laughed.

I straightened up and put on my best guy voice. “Let’s go drink some beer and hit on some chicks!” Taking his hand, I led him into the restaurant, and the hostess showed us to a large table in the back. I ordered a daiquiri, and then remembered that James was footing the bill. “Can I make that two daiquiris? And could you just refresh my glasses when they get low? Thanks,” I smiled at the waitress.

I sat between Woody and Pep, and spent most of dinner laughing my ass off as Woody entertained us with stories of Pep on tour. After we’d eaten, a trio of American guys my age asked if they could join us for a drink, mentioning they were huge fans of Met and COC. Pep waved the waitress over and ordered another round of drinks, and I sipped at my daiquiri while the guys chatted. At one point, Woody got up to hit the men’s room, and one of the additions to our party scooted over to take his seat. “So…which one of these lucky bastards is your boyfriend?” he asked, gesturing to the guys.

I grinned and shook my head. “None of them.” He looked so hopeful when I said that, I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing as I continued. “I’m Pep’s cousin, Charlie.”

“But…” he looked completely confused. “You’re a girl.”

I nodded, and sipped my drink. “Yeah, I know. Had the final surgery a few months ago. Turned out pretty well, eh?”

“Charlie!” Woody hollered from the bar. “Get your cute little butt up here and help me with these shots.”

I winked at the guy. “See ya lata.”

We did a few shots at the bar, and then carried a tray back to the table. I lined up a row of six shots of tequila in front of Pep, and laid out the lemon slices, and the salt shaker. He squared his shoulders and knocked them back one after the other, not bothering with salt or lemon.

An hour later, we staggered out of the restaurant, with Pep leaning on James for support. The next stop of the night was a strip joint a few minutes down the road. We sat directly in front of the stage, and I took a seat next to Phil. One girl repeatedly danced up to Pep, shaking her breasts in his face. He finally gestured for her to come closer, and patted her shoulder lightly. “They’re verra nice, schweetie, but my fiancé would kill me. And then she’d kill you,” he slurred. The girl smiled and backed away, and Pep leaned over, yelling over the music, “Fake boobs SUCK!”

I buried my head in my hands, shaking with laughter. Woody patted Pep’s back. “That they do, buddy, that they do.”

Four bars and three hours later, we decided to head back to the island. James, being the only sober one amongst us, powered up the motorboat once we’d reached the dock, and I leaned against Pep in one of the seats, trying to focus my eyes. “Thanks for comin’ out tonight, baby girl,” he murmured, stroking his hand over my hair. “Appreciate it.”

Phil and Mike and Woody went inside immediately upon reaching the house, while Pep wanted to stay outside a bit longer. I threw some wood on the bonfire and sat cross-legged on the ground in front of it. James settled into a chair nearby. “Have fun tonight?” he asked quietly.

I counted to ten in my head before answering, trying to stay calm. “Yeah, I did. More importantly, I think that guy had a ball,” I gestured to Pep, who was breaking sticks into tiny pieces and throwing them on the fire from the other side of it.

“You talkin’ about me, sugar?” Pep called.

“Do I ever talk about anything else?” I grinned.

He chuckled and went back to the sticks. James stretched out in the chair, folding his hands in his lap. “Heard what you said to that guy, about you being Pep’s cousin. He looked pretty freaked out when you got up to the go to the bar,” he smirked.

“Hetfield, are you bein’ a dick again?” Pepper swayed slightly as he walked over to join us. “I’m drunk, buddy, but I can still kick your ass.”

“There will be NO ass-kicking this evening, Keenan. Settle down,” I smiled as he slowly lowered himself into a chair by James.

“I’m just sayin’,” he mumbled. “S’not cool to be mean to you. Dude only met you two months ago and thinks he knows you. S’wrong. You dun know,” he narrowed his eyes at James and I stood up.

“Pep, now might be a good time for you to go to bed, sweetie. Trish is probably waiting up for you.”

James tilted his head to the side. “No…I think Pep should stay up. Seems like he has something to say. Go ahead, buddy. I’m listening.”

Pepper started to speak and I interjected. “No, he doesn’t have anything to say. Do you, Pepper.” I glared at him, praying he’d keep his mouth shut. James knew enough about me already. Telling him more about my past wouldn’t help matters. “Keenan, it’s time for bed.”

“You think she’s sooooo strong,” Pep said softly, looking at James. “You think you can just hurt her over and over, and she’ll bounce back. She’s only human, Het. You can only hurt her so many times before it gets too much, before you break her. And I’ve seen that happen before.” He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “Not gonna let it happen again.”

Oh no. Nononononononononono, I repeated in my head. Please don’t, Pep. “Keenan, shut up. Please.”

He looked up at me with sad eyes. “He needs to know,” he said quietly.

I shook my head. “No, he doesn’t, baby. You promised me. You swore. Please. Don’t. Do. This.”

He looked back at James. “Ya ever notice how that tattoo on her wrist isn’t quite even?”

Fuck. I sank to the ground, head in my hands, trying to block out the words Pepper was saying. That only made things worse, and as dizziness set in, I flashed back to the night he was talking about.

I rubbed a hand over my stomach, sobbing in the darkness as I thought of the tiny life that had been ripped from my body. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want it. But I couldn’t have let it happen. It was too horrible, it wouldn’t have been fair to the child. How was I supposed to love the child of a rapist? How could I stand by and let something borne of such evil, to grow inside me for nine months? Even if I decided to give the baby up for adoption, I knew I’d never make it through the pregnancy. I’d tear my stomach open with my bare hands before I’d let the child be born.

Stumbling around the kitchen, trying desperately not to wake Pep, I found the paring knife I’d hidden earlier, and tiptoed up the stairs to the bathroom. Filling the tub halfway with cold water, I climbed in, still in my pajamas. Shaking violently, I held the knife to my wrist, my body wracked with sobs. The note I’d left for Pep was weighted down in the sink with a bar of soap. I wasn’t prepared for the door to the bathroom to open, and Pep stepped in, bleary eyed. “Hey, baby, I’m sorry. Didn’t know you were in here. Little late for a-” he stopped talking as he saw my hands. “What the fuck…” he started towards me and stopped as I began drawing the knife over my skin. “Okay, okay…I’m not moving. I’m staying right here. Please put the knife down, sweetie,” his voice was soft and quiet, like he was talking to a spooked animal.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, sniffling. “I can’t do this anymore. Hurts too much.” I shivered in the cold water, my hands shaking.

“No, baby, don’t do this. I know it hurts, but we’re gonna get through it. I promise, Charlie. Nothing is so bad that you have to do this. I promise, I’ll help you, okay? Just please put the knife down.”

“I killed a baby, Pepper. Don’t you get it? I made them take a living thing out of my body cause I wasn’t strong enough to deal with it. I can’t…I can’t do this. I’m so tired of feeling like this. I’m sorry, Keenan.” A drop of blood appeared on my skin as I pricked my wrist with the knife.

He was crying as he started towards me again. “Please, Charlie. Don’t do this.” I saw him lunging for me and quickly scored my flesh with the knife, sliding under the water.


“And no matter how many fucking towels I wrapped around her arm, she kept bleeding,” Pepper explained to James. “Never understood how she got it so deep so quickly. I was so fuckin’ scared. I had to leave her alone to go call 911, I was afraid I’d come back and she’d be gone.” I finally raised my head and saw Pep staring at me. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“I can’t believe you did this,” I whispered, tears sliding down my face. “You swore. I begged and begged, and you swore you’d never tell. Anyone.”

I couldn’t bring myself to look at James, but he stood up and came to crouch in front of me. He brushed a thumb over my cheek, wiping away a tear, and I closed my eyes. “Charlie…”

“Don’t. Please, James, don’t.”

“Is it true?” he asked softly.

I wiped at my eyes, trying to stop my hand from shaking. “Every other test they did after the rape came back negative. Went back for a check-up after two months, and they told me I was pregnant.” I pushed his hand away when he reached for me. “I couldn’t do it. I refused to carry the baby to term.”

Taking my hand, he gently turned it over, tracing a finger over the tattoo on my wrist. “I never noticed the scar.”

Pulling my hand away, I stood up shakily. “Doesn’t matter. One more reason for you not to be with me, right?” I looked over at Pepper. “I can’t fucking believe you told him.”

“He needed to know,” he said softly.

I turned my back on both of them, heading back to my house. Hearing footsteps behind me, I sped up, and cried out as Pepper grabbed my hand. “Leave me alone!”

Shaking his head, he wrapped his arms around me, holding my head against his chest. “I’m sorry, baby. I had to tell him. I had to do something to make him stop acting the way he was. He’d just keep hurting you.”

“And now he knows my deepest secret!” I screamed at him. “What do you think, Pepper, he’ll just forget about it? Leave me alone? He’ll use it against me! You just made everything a million times worse!” Shoving him away, I stumbled backwards, sobbing as I ran towards my house.

Pepper tackled me from behind, taking me to the ground with him. “Stop running away from me!” Pinning me down, he hovered above me. “I HAD to tell him, Charlie. James has this idea that you’re some unbreakable robot. Why do you think he pushes you so hard? He just wants a reaction. Some hint that you’re hurting, like he is. I had to tell him.”

I stopped fighting him, and dropped my head back on the grass. “Fine,” I whispered. “Let me up, Pep.” I got up as he moved and let go of my wrists, and headed for the house.

“Charlie?”

“What.” I didn’t turn around.

“I did it cause I love you.”

“Yeah, I know. Doesn’t make it hurt any less, though. Night, Pep.”

“Night, Charlie.”

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Lucifer's Angel
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Heavy Metal Seanchai
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Wow, that was intense, poor Charlie :o I don't blame her, though, for cutting herself, that had to be devastating :( But that dream was hot, though :drool And what the hell is up with James? This is a damn fine soap opera :horns2
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Mina
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I can just agree, this fiction is getting so awesome, I can hardly wait for the next chapter :)
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