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To Live is to Die
Topic Started: March 5, 2008, 12:49 am (59,968 Views)
PurpleRose
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Frantic
[ * ]
Brilliant chapter, quite moving

I wish it was a book, I wouldn't put it down until I got to the end :tu:

Can't wait to read more :)
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Metalicious
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Blackened
[ * ]
I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, trying to catch my breath. Fighting with Pepper always left me winded. I knew nothing could ever come between us, we’d been through too much for that to happen. But anytime we had an argument, I got a glimpse into what it would be like if I lost him, and it scared the hell out of me.

There was a light rap on the door, and I turned around to open it. Pepper stood in front of me, hands shoved in his pockets, tears in his eyes, not looking at me. “Hey,” I said softly. Touching a hand to his face, I wiped away the moisture under his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“Me too. I shouldn’t have yelled.” I stepped forward and kissed his cheek. “And I didn’t tell you I love you. Which I do.” Sliding my arms around his neck, I rested my head on his shoulder and stroked a hand over his hair. “You don’t need to be sorry, Keenan. I know you were trying to help.”

He wrapped his arms around me, holding me so tightly it was a struggle to breathe. “Love you so much,” he murmured. “Don’t want you to be in pain, baby. You’ve been through enough. Had to tell Het. Had to make him understand.”

“I know,” I said softly, kissing his cheek again. “I know why you did it. It just scared me, honey. You’re the only person who knew. I’ve never told anyone else. Not even Trish.” He pulled back suddenly, wide-eyed and panicked, and I realized he’d told her. “S’fine, baby. I trust her. She’s gonna be your wife, darlin’. Of course you’re gonna tell each other stuff,” I smiled. Hugging him again, I chuckled against his shoulder. “Still can’t believe you’re getting married. God.”

“Charlie?” he said softly.

“Mmm?”

“You know that this doesn’t change anything, right? Just because I’m getting married?” He tightened his hold on me. “Still love you, baby girl. Nothing will ever take away from that. Me loving Trish…doesn’t make me care about you any less. You know that, right?”

I felt tears, happy ones, spring to my eyes. I did know that, but it was still a relief to hear him say the words. “I know,” I murmured, worried my voice would shake. “I’m so lucky, Keenan. So, so lucky.”

“How can you say that?” he said, sadly. “After all you’ve been through?”

I smiled against his neck. “I have you, don’t I?”

His hand reached around to take mine from where it was looped around his neck. Gently stroking his fingers over the scar on my wrist, he sighed. “Almost lost you a second time. I was so scared,” he whispered. “Never wanna come that close to losing you again, baby girl.” He cupped my face in his hands. “If you ever feel that desperate, you come to me FIRST. You understand? I will always, always be here for you.”

I nodded quickly, and wiped at the tears starting to fall. Hugging him fiercely, I buried my face in his neck, not wanting to let go. “Love you so much,” I whispered.

“Me too, baby girl.”

I pulled back slightly, still keeping my arms around him, and saw James standing a few feet away, a wealth of emotions written on his face. Pain, anger, jealousy, sadness… I let go of Pep and started towards James, quickening my pace as he turned to leave. Pep beat me to it, jogging past me to throw an arm around James’ neck. “C’mon back here, buddy,” he said quickly. James pulled away, mumbling something about interrupting, and Pep cut him off. “You’re not. Now get your ass back here.”

The two of them walked back to my porch, and Pep gently pushed Het into the hammock, and leaned against the railing. “Came to see if you were okay,” James said quietly, looking more past me than at me. “Guess you’re fine, since Pep’s here,” he muttered, and started to get up. Pep put a hand on his shoulder and James sat again.

“Stay put, Het. We need to talk,” he said firmly. “All of us.” He nodded his head to the hammock, and I sat beside James, tucking my feet under me. James pushed back on his heels, rocking us slightly. “I know things aren’t good between you two right now, but this has to stop. I love you both too much to let this shit continue. Be together, don’t be together, whatever. But stop…doing this thing where you hurt each other. Cause as painful as it must be for both of you? It’s also pretty fuckin’ painful to watch.” He stood in front of us, arms crossed over his chest. “You both deserve to be happy. If you can’t see what’s right in front of you, then so be it. But stop torturing each other. Okay? Are we clear?”

I glanced at James, and nodded. “Crystal.” James murmured his agreement.

“Excellent,” Pep grinned. “I should probably get going,” he added. “Trish’s probably wondering where I am. I’ll see you tomorrow, baby girl.” He kissed my forehead quickly, and ruffled James’ hair in an adorably affectionate gesture. “Night, buddy.”

“Night,” James said softly, his lips curling up slightly. I watched Pep walk away, and felt James’ hand on mine, turning it again so it was palm up. I looked over at him, wishing I could put my arms around him. “I’m sorry.” He traced a finger over my tattoo, and then let go of my hand.

“Thanks for coming to check on me.”

He nodded slowly. “He’s right, you know. All we seem to do is cause each other pain.” Brushing my hair back, he tilted my chin up. “I don’t wanna do that anymore.” He stood up carefully, so as not to rock the hammock. I got up too, and reached for the door, not wanting to watch him leave again. “Charlie…”

“Yeah,” I turned and stared down at my feet. I felt his hands on my shoulders, pushing me back against the door. Bracing himself on either side of me, he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. I stayed perfectly still, only opening my mouth when I felt his tongue softly probing at my lips. A small whimper escaped my mouth as his tongue flicked against mine. He was being so gentle, just applying the barest pressure. I felt tears welling up for the third time that night. I knew a goodbye kiss when I got one, and that’s exactly what this was.

His hands came down my shoulders to my hands, grasping them lightly as he pulled away. I blinked back the tears and squeezed his hands, desperate for him to stay. He continued to back away, stepping off the porch. Arms outstretched, I finally let go, clenching my hands into fists as I dropped them to my sides. Wordlessly, he walked backwards, keeping his eyes with mine, until he suddenly stopped, and turned around. In three long strides he was out of sight. I moved to the hammock, curling up in a tight ball as I wept.

Waking the next morning, I groaned in pain as my entire body complained from spending the night in the hammock. Rolling over gracelessly, I nearly screamed when I saw Woody standing over me. “Mornin’,” he grinned. “You sleep there all night?”

“What do you think, smart guy?” I snarled, and then covered my mouth. “Wow. Zero to bitch in two point two seconds. Sorry, Woods.”

“S’alright,” he shrugged it off. “Heard Hetfield paid you a visit last night, moodiness is to be expected. Brought you some coffee. I’m on arrivals duty, wondered if you could help out, since I’ve, um, never met Trish’s folks, and I’m supposed to pick them up in about an hour.” He handed me a steaming mug and leaned against the railing.

I let out a long breath after the first sip, and smiled up at him. “Thanks for this.”

He nodded, looking slightly nervous. “So, you’ll come? With me? To get her folks? And I think her aunt and uncle and possibly some cousins? I really have no idea.”

I giggled, pleased that he was the first person I’d seen that morning. Waking up to a befuddled Woody was a fun start to the day. “Course I’ll come with ya. I should probably shower and change though. You wanna hang out here and wait? I won’t be long.”

“Cool,” he smiled. “Imma play on the net for a bit, check out the boards on our site. Take your time. South Pacific and all that.”

I nodded, not really understanding what he was getting at. I took the coffee into the bathroom and undressed, and then burst out laughing as I realized he was referring to the song, ‘I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair’. The lyrics got stuck in my head, and I was still humming them when I hopped out of the shower ten minutes later. Wrapping a towel around my body, and another around my hair, I emerged from the bathroom to find Woody waiting patiently in the chair at my desk. I grabbed a pink version of my Audrey Hepburn dress and tied my hair back, stealing another lily from the vase by my bed to stick in my ponytail. “Ready!”

“You okay?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. I nodded. “Gonna cry today?” I shook my head. “Need a hug?” I nodded again, and he held out his arms. I snuggled against him, rubbing my cheek against the soft flannel of his sleeveless shirt. “Better?” he asked quietly.

“Much. Let’s go.”

We took the larger motorboat over, so we’d be able to drop Trish’s family members at their island. Woody shot me a look as I attempted to get in with my strappy sandals, and wound up lifting me into the boat while I giggled. All thoughts of James and Pepper were pushed aside. I just wanted to concentrate on seeing Trish’s folks, who’d been like surrogate parents to me in the last year, and chilling with Woody.

They were waiting in the lobby when we arrived. Trish’s bear of a dad, Doug, lifted me off the ground in a hug. “Hello, sweetheart,” he smiled as he set me back down. “So good to see you.”

Her mother hugged me next, kissing my cheek. “Darling,” she cooed. “You’re looking very well. Is it the sunshine, or is it this strapping young man you’re about to introduce us to?” She smiled warmly at Woody, who blushed and grinned simultaneously.

Biting back the laugh that bubbled up, I cleared my throat and stepped back. “Rebecca and Doug, this is Woody. He’s in COC too, and is one of Pep’s, and my, dearest friends. Woods…these are Trish’s folks, the McGinnises.” I looked over to see a handful of other people making their way over. Judging from the men’s classy suits and the women’s expensive Louis V bags, they were undoubtedly Trish’s extended family.

The one in the navy suit spoke first, holding his hand out. “Blaine McGinnis the third,” he said officiously. I took his hand and was about to shake it when he lifted it to his lips and kissed it. I saw Woody’s eyes light up with mirth, and bit my lip.

“Charlotte Elizabeth Victoria Tyler. The first,” I said coolly, pulling my hand back. “And you, darlin’,” I crouched down to the little blonde girl who’d attached herself to Trish’s mother’s legs, “must be Lily.” She nodded solemnly. At three years old, she was Trish’s youngest cousin, and was to be the flower girl in the ceremony. Woody crouched beside me, and plucked the lily out of my hair.

“Hi, sugar,” he smiled. “Lily, like the flower, right?” he handed the stem. She rewarded him with a huge smile, and let go of Rebecca to take Woody’s hand.

I stood up to meet Blaine…the first? The second? Whichever. He was smarmy guy’s dad, and Doug’s brother. I’d met his wife at a dinner party at Doug and Rebecca’s earlier in the year, and had been less than impressed with her poor manners and snobbish attitude. Her husband turned out to be no better. I saw him sneer at Woody as Lily let herself be picked up, and cleared my throat so he could sneer at me instead. He did the same hand kissing thing as his son, and I had an overwhelming urge to scrub my skin when he let go. The original Blaine, Trish’s grandfather, turned out to be a sweetie, and shook my hand firmly instead of slobbering over it, thereby winning my heart in seconds.

I was relieved to find that Lily’s mother was as sweet as her daughter. Vivian was Rebecca’s youngest sister, and her husband hadn’t been able to make the trip. She looked rather exhausted, probably from flying all that way with a toddler, but was still more gracious than Blaine Two’s well-rested wife.

The plan had been to take everyone to their own island, but the second and third Blaines declared they were ravenous, that the plane food had been inadequate, and that they had to eat immediately. Woody sweetly arranged for the bags to be taken to their island while I called Pep and requested that he bring everybody over for lunch, pronto. Twenty minutes later, a very apprehensive looking Pep and a squealing Trish exited the smaller motorboat, with Mike, Phil and James trailing behind. I watched as Trish hugged her parents fiercely, and held my breath as she introduced Pep.

“Good to meet you, Pepper,” Doug said as they did the handshake/hug combo. “My daughter can’t stop raving about you, so you must be alright,” he grinned, and I saw Pep relax slightly. We’d talked briefly about her family, and he knew how wealthy they were, and was aware of their status, but he still seemed a little anxious. I saw him wipe his palms on his jeans just before shaking Rebecca’s hand, and his eyes widened as she kissed his cheek.

“It’s lovely to meet you ma’am,” he said softly when she’d stepped back, and she smiled.

“Oh my,” she chuckled. “I could just listen to you talk all day. Though I bet with this one,” she nodded towards Trish, “you don’t GET a chance to talk all day.”

I watched as he visibly relaxed, and held his arm up for her to take, walking her out to the gardens. Trish came up beside me. “They like him,” she whispered happily. “They really like him.” She squinted after Pepper and her mother. “What’s up with the arm thing?”

“Oh, those are his Southern manners kicking in. Next few days are gonna be filled with lots of ‘ma’ams’ and ‘sirs’ and pulling out chairs for women and shit. It’ll be great,” I smiled as we followed behind them. Glancing behind me, I saw Woody and James each holding one of Lily’s hands, walking slowly as she looked up at them with her big blue eyes. I caught James’ eye without meaning to, and shot him a little smile before looking at Lily again. Stopping my mind before it could go down that route, I turned back to Trish and begged not to sit next to either of the younger Blaines.

She sat me next to both of them. Right in between. And proceeded to grin at me from across the table while I silently cursed her. “So,” started the youngest Blaine, and I fought the urge to slam my head into the table. “Doug tells me you’re a lawyer. I’m sorry to hear that,” he laughed loudly at his weak joke, and I saw Phil smile into his napkin.

“Mmmhmm,” I said absently. “What do you do?” I should have known better. I was subjected to a fifteen minute lecture on stocks and bonds and market rates. I tried to nod in the right places and avoided looking at any of the boys. Lunch was served finally and I was saved from further scintillating conversation as Blaine shoveled food into his big, boring mouth. Wine was served with the meal, and I tensed as I saw Blaine’s eyebrows shoot up when James shook his head at our waitress.

“What’s up, big guy?” he called across the table. “Can’t handle the booze this early in the day?” he nodded knowingly. “I’m with ya, buddy. But we’ll make up for it later, right?” He raised his glass and downed the contents. “So, Charlotte,” he began again. “Any good clubs around here? I’m more of a private party kind of guy, but maybe you could show me around later? Take me out to a few of the bars?”

“Oh, there’s at least one bar you should definitely hit while you’re here,” I smiled, wondering how he’d react to be told he had a hot ass. By men. Then again, I doubted his ass was particularly hot. Feeling his hand on my thigh, I looked down slowly, staring at his exquisitely groomed nails, and then over at him. “Move it,” I said quietly. He smiled, and kept his hand where it was. “Move it, or I’ll move it for you,” I said in an even softer voice.

“Relax, doll. This is just the pre-game show.”

Ugh. A slimy trader who used sports metaphors to describe his moves. I shot him a huge smile and elbowed the pitcher of water beside him, dumping its contents onto his lap. “Oh my God,” I gasped, standing up quickly. “I am SO sorry. I’m just so clumsy. Let me go get you a towel,” I walked quickly over to the wait staff, and asked them to mop up the water I’d so clumsily spilled. Blaine stormed past me, moaning about dry cleaning and Hugo Boss.

I made my way back to the table and Blaine II immediately engaged me in a discussion about foreign aid. By the time dessert arrived, I was considering stabbing myself in the eye with my fork just so I could leave the table. Suddenly, Woody and Phil got up and stood behind us. “Sorry to interrupt, folks, but we need to steal Charlie for a little while,” Phil explained. “Rehearsal dinner planning…thing.” I excused myself and tried to keep from squealing with joy as we slowly left the gardens.

“I love you guys,” I said quietly, grinning as we walked away. “I really, really do. Now, where are we going?”

Five minutes later, we were standing in the resort’s formal dining room. The rehearsal dinner wasn’t until the next night, since there were several dozen more guests arriving throughout the day, and the next morning, but the dining room was already being prepared. Trish had bravely handed over the responsibility of the dinner to the hotel staff, saying only that she wanted something simple and elegant. It looked like they’d arranged just that. The room was filled with circular tables covered with white linen clothes. The chairs had white slipcovers with crimson ribbons tied behind the chair backs. Along the west side of the room were several sets of french doors leading out to the wide balcony that stretched the length of the room, looking out over the ocean. The hotel staff were busy setting up the lighting, which was to be primarily candlelight and torches outside, and soft white lights inside.

“Trish wanted to be surprised,” Woody informed me as we gazed around. “But she figured if you checked it out first, she’d know if the room was suitable. Whatcha think?”

I watched as a dozen uniformed staff members carried huge topiaries through the room, placing them on either side of all the french doors. I knew the flowers wouldn’t be picked and arranged until the next day, but the place already looked amazing. “She’s gonna love it. It’s beautiful.”

Phil clapped his hands together. “Great. Who’s up for a little jet ski action?”

Woody and I followed him out, and ran into more of their friends who’d just arrived. Phil took off for our island, and I accompanied Woody while he motored all over the islands dropping off the latest arrivals. By four p.m., I was ready for a nap. “You want me to come get you for dinner, doll?” he asked as he dropped me off at my door.

“Actually…I’m still sort of aching and tired from sleeping in the hammock all night,” I told him. “I might stay in tonight. Think that’d be too rude?”

He shook his head. “Not at all. Better tonight than tomorrow night. Get some rest, and I’ll make sure we leave one of the boats so you can come over later if you want. One of us’ll come check on ya later.” We hugged briefly and I went inside. Changing out of my dress, I pulled on a pair of black bikini bottoms and a pink tee shirt. I curled up on my bed with my book and got about three pages read before falling asleep.

I woke up to find it was still light, and threw on a pair of board shorts, heading over to Pep’s to see if anybody was around. Woody was in the kitchen when I walked in. “Morning sunshine,” he smiled at me, and my jaw dropped.

“Morning…?”

“Yup. Went to check on you last night and found you cuddled up to your book. You looked so comfy that I didn’t wanna wake you. Guess you slept right through, hmm? Feeling any better?”

I nodded slowly. The lightheadedness I’d experienced the day before seemed to have passed. Accepting the mug of coffee he handed me, I went to sit on the couch, curling my legs under me. Glancing at the clock on the mantel, I realized I’d slept for about eighteen hours. “Holy shit,” I murmured as I sipped the coffee.

“Holy shit what, darlin’?” Pep kissed the top of my head as he came around the couch to sit next to me.

“Hey, morning sweetie. Just amazed by how long I slept, is all. How was dinner last night? Did all your buddies make it here okay?”

“Yup. My side of the gang has all arrived. I think the rest of Trish’s relatives come in this morning, I’m meeting her dad to pick them up in a while. You missed an excellent show last night. That dude that was groping you at lunch met Kelly – who asked about you, by the way – and she pulled the same stunt you did, only with red wine. All over his nicely pressed chinos,” he grinned. “Dude freaked, almost turned the same shade of red as the stain on his pants.”

“Pepper Keenan, are you making fun of my cousin?” Trish chided as she came into the room. “My disgusting, lecherous, revoltingly greasy cousin?” she giggled as she sank onto his lap, cuddling up against him. “Morning, baby,” she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. “And good morning, The Deserter,” she grinned at me. “Kelly’s leaving today, honey. She wants to see you before she goes. I told her we might meet her by the pool in a bit. You up for that?”

“Yup, sounds good. I’m gonna put on some clothes I didn’t sleep in, and I’ll meet you by the dock in…ten?” She nodded, and I left to go change. Half an hour later, I was lying by the main pool in my favorite pink bikini with Trish and Kelly. We’d pulled the lounge chairs together, and were lying with our heads in the middle so we could chat. “Red wine, hmm?” I giggled as Kelly recounted the story of the previous night’s events.

“Seriously. Dude was all over me. No offense to you, sugar,” she glanced at Trish, “but the guy is such a skeeze. Your parents are adorable though, I had a ball chatting with your dad.”

“I knew my ears were burning for a reason,” a voice boomed behind me. The three of us sat up as Doug ambled over, with Pepper by his side. “Morning, girls. Charlie, I heard you weren’t feeling well last night. I hope you’re alright, honey. Trish, your mother’s parents just arrived and they’re hoping we can all do a late lunch. I wasn’t sure of your schedule so I told them I’d ask you.”

“Awww, I’d love to, but today’s the girlie spa day. Didn’t mom tell you?” Trish bolted upright. “She better not have forgotten. I’ve got the whole damn spa booked right up to the wedding rehearsal. Where is she? Is she back at your island? I can’t believe she’d forget. I reminded her like three times yesterday. She’s supposed to round up all the aunts and Grandma. I’m gonna go call her.” She leapt off her lounge chair, looking like she might burst into tears, and started towards the door to the hotel.

Pepper blocked her way, gently gripping her arms. “Hi,” he smiled. “Is this you in freak-out mode?” She nodded quickly. “S’pretty cute,” he grinned. “Your mom remembered, I talked to her earlier. She just wasn’t sure if you could squeeze in lunch beforehand. I’ll go call her and tell her no, and remind her to get all the womenfolk over to the spa for…what time?”

“One p.m.,” Trish let out a long breath.

“One p.m.,” he repeated. “Love you.” He kissed her forehead and walked away, glancing over his shoulder. “Put some more sunscreen on, baby. You’re starting to burn.”

“Love you, too,” she called after him, settling back onto her chair and flipping the top on the SPF30 we’d brought.

Doug glanced at me, mouthing ‘wow’. I nodded. We’d both seen Trish in ‘freak-out mode’ before, and she’d never been easy to calm. Pep seemed to have a knack for it. “Okay, ladies, I’m off. I’ll see you tonight at the rehearsal dinner. Kelly, lovely to meet you yesterday. You have a safe flight home.” He waved as he walked away, and the three of us went back to chatting and sunning ourselves.

Kelly left about an hour later to catch her flight. We all hugged goodbye and exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. Trish and I grabbed a quick lunch from the buffet, and headed to meet everyone at the spa. We had about five hours of massages, facials, steams, mud packs and wraps to look forward to. There were about fifteen of us in total, with Trish’s mother, grandmother, various aunts and a few cousins. I paired up with Lily’s mom, Vivian, and went off to get a Balinese massage first, which promised to be 80 minutes of pure indulgence. 90 minutes later, I still felt like a boneless chicken and had to be talked into going to my next treatment.

The full body sugar and honey scrub was even more delicious than the massage, though a lot shorter. “Think we can just skip the wedding?” I mumbled to Viv. “Stay here and have this done to us for the next few days instead?”

“Absolutely,” she sighed blissfully. “That’s the best plan ever. Trish’ll understand.”

Once our ocean and earth body wraps were done, we bundled up in luxurious robes and laid back on heated stone loungers while our hands and feet were manicured. Trish and her mom appeared a short time later. “I’m not getting married,” she announced drowsily. “I’m just gonna get these treatments for the rest of my life. Cool?”

I nodded, closing my eyes. “Yup. If Pep puts up a fuss we’ll just toss him in the sea salt bath. He’ll come ‘round.”

By the time we all emerged, feeling extremely relaxed and rejuvenated, we only had half an hour to get ready for the rehearsal. Trish and I dashed back to the island to change. I tossed my shorts and tee shirt on the bed and pulled on the pale pink silk halter dress I loved. Letting my hair out of the messy loop I’d tied it in, I left it in loose waves, not bothering to brush it out.

“Earrings, bracelet, necklace…necklace.” I put a hand to my neck and it was bare. Remembering I’d left it in the bathroom, I went in and fastened the small silver crucifix around my neck. Woody was standing in the bedroom when I came back out, holding Lily.

“Hey, sugar. You look nice.” he smiled. “Thought we’d swing by and pick you up. Lily wanted to take another ride in the boat. All ready to go?”

We waited for Trish and I held Lily on my lap while Woody took us back to the main island. She let him lift her onto the dock when we arrived, but held out her arms to me once I’d climbed out of the boat. “C’mere, precious,” I smiled, sliding her around to rest on my hip as we walked towards the hotel. “Did you have fun with Woody today?”

She smiled, little blonde curls bouncing as I walked. “Uh huh. We went swimmin’, an’ then we went on a boat, an’ then we went for a walk on the beach, an’ then we came to get you! Papa Hef! Hi!” she waved at James, who was standing with Doug and Pep.

“Hi, princess,” he smiled, coming over to kiss the top of her head. “C’mon,” he gestured behind him. “Limo’s waiting.” We walked beside each other, with Lily babbling away about fish and seashells and sand castles. I handed her off to her mom when we reached the long white car James had hired to take everyone to the rehearsal. When everyone else had piled in, I stuck my head inside and burst out laughing.

“I think I might walk.” The car was filled to capacity, and then some. Lily was on her mom’s lap, Trish was sitting on Pepper, and Phil was squished between Mike and Woody.

“Get in,” Trish laughed. “We’re already late. Sit on Woody or something.”

James grabbed me around the waist and pulled me onto his lap. “It’s not a long drive,” he said quietly. I nodded and tried to sit up straight so as not to lean against him. I didn’t want to make him any more uncomfortable than he already was. Bracing myself with one hand on the roof, I struggled to stay upright as the car maneuvered over bumps and dips in the road. We hit a sizeable pothole and I bounced my head on the ceiling, and felt James’ arms go around me, pulling me against him.

“Thanks,” I murmured, sliding an arm around his neck, trying not to think about how good he smelled, or how close I was to him, how I could probably kiss the top of his head and he wouldn’t notice. And then I banged my head on the roof again, cursing loudly. “Shit!”

“Charlotte!”

“Sorry!” I giggled and shot Rebecca an apologetic look. James slid me down his lap slightly, pressing my head to his shoulder and holding it there. I closed my eyes and wished the ride to the beach were longer. I heard Vivian’s voice and opened my eyes again, turning to where she was seated in the car, smiling at Trish and Pep.

“…so perfect together,” she said. “It’s so lovely to see. You know? When two people are so beautifully suited to each other, like you and Pepper are. It’s so important to hold on to that,” she continued, as Lily squirmed on her lap. “It’s such an easy thing to discard, to lose.” I felt James’ arms tighten around me, and I shifted so I was almost facing him, instead of facing out. “You two are really lucky to have each other. You found a good guy, sweetie,” she said to Trish. “Now all we need to do is find one for Charlie!”

Pepper immediately changed the subject, but not fast enough. The change in James’ expression was almost imperceptible. I met his gaze just as the relaxed, happy look left and the blank stare took over. We hit another bump, and I buried my face in his neck, knowing he’d be able to feel my tears against his skin, and not caring. I stayed like that until the car stopped, and everyone scrambled out of the car. When only the two of us were left, I slid off his lap and started out the door. Turning back to him, I saw he was staring out the window. “I’m sorry,” I said softly, and exited the car. Walking over to Trish, I made up my mind to stay as far away from him as possible. Anything else was too painful. For both of us.
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Metalicious
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Blackened
[ * ]
The rehearsal itself went smoothly, and with the exception of a very quick walk down the imaginary ‘aisle’ at the end, I managed to keep myself distanced, at least physically, from James. Once Trish was satisfied that everyone knew their roles and cues, we piled into the limo again, this time with me on Woody’s lap, and headed back to the hotel for the rehearsal dinner.

“You gonna stay with us tonight?” Woody asked quietly as he held me against him during a particularly tight curve in the road.

I tried to crane my neck around to see him and couldn’t quite manage it, settling instead for leaning back against his shoulder. “Stay at Pep’s? Dunno. You guys having a little shindig tonight or something?”

He shrugged. “Trish is staying with her folks. Night before the wedding and all that. Figured we’d have a few beers, sit out by the fire, tell some tall tales,” he smiled. “Pep’s gonna ask you later, anyway. Just thought I’d give you a heads up. Hetfield’s gonna be there.”

I nodded. “Okay. I’ll think about it. Thanks, buddy.”

We reached the hotel and piled out of the car, and I stayed back with Woody and Phil as we walked inside. Suddenly, Blaine appeared in front of us, and we stopped short. “Charlotte,” he smiled, his eyes traveling down and then slowly back up to my face. I felt Woody’s hand slip into mine and squeezed it. “So nice to see you again. Sit beside me at dinner, won’t you? I’m sure your… friends,” his upper lip curled slightly as he said it, “can manage without you for a bit.”

“No, we can’t,” Phil said firmly.

“The lady can speak for herself,” Blaine challenged. “Charlotte? Surely it wouldn’t be so horrible to sit beside me, now, would it?” He reached for my hand and Woody stepped between us.

“Don’t, man,” he said softly. “You’re forcing her to choose between what she wants to do, and what would be polite. Charlie has impeccable manners, so I’ve no doubt that she’d sit by you just to avoid a scene, but I’d bet my left arm that she’d rather sit with us, since she knows we won’t be copping a feel during the main course.”

“Aw, dammit,” I muttered, and Phil smirked.

“Very well,” Blaine said through gritted teeth. “If she’d rather sit with the down-home, country bumpkins then, why, sho’ ma’am,” he put on a fake Southern accent, “then that’s just fahhhhhhhn with me. Maybe we’ll even have fried road kill for dinnah. Poached squirrel, mmmmm. Ya’ll enjoy yo’selves now, ya heah.” He shot me a look and turned on his Italian leather heel, stalking off towards the resort’s front doors.

“God,” Woody sighed when Blaine was out of earshot.

“I know,” I murmured. “Everybody knows you barbecue squirrel, you don’t poach it. Jesus.” The three of us burst out laughing and headed into the lobby.

I wound up sitting between Mike and Woody, strategically positioned so I wasn’t in James’ eye line. Blaine was at a table with his family and some of Trish’s more distant relatives, a few tables away from ours. He made a move to come over towards our table and I saw Phil and Woody straighten up in their chairs as if they were about to stand. Changing direction at the last minute, Blaine went over to the bar instead.

With the wedding the next day, dinner was kept fairly short. We were sipping coffee by eight, and Pep came over a few minutes later. “Hey darlin’. Fancy a little walk?” I followed him out to the balcony, looking out towards the ocean as twilight set in. “So… things okay with Het?”

“Yeah,” I tried to summon up a sincere-looking smile. “All good. We’re cool.” I breathed deeply, letting the salt air fill my lungs. “Less than 24 hours. You getting nervous?”

“Little,” he looked down, smiling. “Scared I’ll screw up the words, or start crying or some shit. But, um, that’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about, the 24 hour thing. Think you’d be okay staying with me tonight?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Woody mentioned something about it earlier, said a bunch of people will be around, sounds cool. I can always crash at mine when it gets late, right? S’only like a five second walk away.”

“Um…yeah. But I was thinking, you could maybe…” He sighed and turned to face over the railing. “I don’t want this to come out wrong.” Turning back to face me, he took my hands in his. “You know how we’ve always been comfortable sleeping in the same bed, and it’s not unusual for you to wake up with me wrapped around you, or for me to find that you’ve climbed in beside me during the night if you had a bad dream or whatever?” I gestured for him to continue, not sure what he was getting at. “And wherever I am, you’ll always, always be welcome, baby girl. But… I think, with the marriage thing, and all the stuff that’s happened in the last month or two, with us kissing and you having that dream,” he stared down at the wooden slats beneath our feet. “I think the sleeping in the same bed thing might need to stop.” He looked like he was about to cry.

“Baby,” I said softly, trying to get him to look at me. “Pep, c’mon. Quit lookin’ down.” He finally raised his gaze to meet mine. “That’s fine, sweetheart. It makes total sense, and I don’t have any problems with it. And if this is something that Trish asked you to do, then it’s important-”

“She didn’t ask me.”

A small lump formed in my throat. “Oh. Well, either way. If it’s something that you want, then I totally understand. So, tonight would be like a farewell sleepover, huh? I’ll stay in with you, and that’ll be the last time we do that?”

“Yeah, kinda. But only because-”

“Cool. Sounds good. I’ll see you over there, I’m gonna say goodnight to Trish’s folks before they head back to their island.” I started to leave but he put both hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him. “Yes?”

“You’re angry.”

“I’m not angry.”

“Bullshit. Charlie, don’t lie to me. It hurts my feelings and it pisses me off.”

I stared at him for a moment before speaking. “I’m sorry.” I took another deep breath and let it out slowly. “I love you. And I want you to be happy. I’m willing to do whatever it takes, whatever you ask of me, to make that happen. And tomorrow’s your wedding day, so everything should be about that, and you and Trish, not what I need or want or how I’m feeling. I guess I haven’t thought about how things would change, that’s all. But I understand things are different now. I can respect that,” I leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I’m going to say goodnight to Trish’s parents. I’ll see you at your place in a bit.”

He was silent as I went back inside. I found Trish with her parents, hugged the three of them, and accepted their invite to breakfast on their island the next morning. Trish pulled me to one side. “You staying with Pep tonight?”

“Maybe. I told him I’d head over there in a bit, but I’m not sure I should stay.”

She sighed. “He’s being unreasonable, Charlie. I’ve told him in no uncertain terms that I trust both of you, and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest if things stay exactly as they are between you. I think one of my relatives must have said something to him, I can’t imagine any other reason for him to act like this.” Hugging me again, she looked around for her parents, and we saw them leaving the dining room. “I’ve gotta catch up with them. I’ll see you tomorrow morning, okay?”

I nodded and watched her walk out. Finding a few of the guys stocking up on snacks and beer, I joined them on the boat back to our island. Pep and James and Woody were still at the hotel, but Phil and I started up the bonfire and helped ourselves to a beer, solemnly promising each other that we’d stop after three, so as not to be hung-over for the ceremony.

“Three?” Phil said suddenly. “Or five? Cause I can probably drink five without even getting buzzed.”

“Fine. You drink five, I’ll drink a maximum of three. Unless,” I pointed out, “I eat more. Thereby offsetting the affects of the alcohol. So maybe I could have five too.” I threw a big stick on the fire and jumped back as sparks flew up.

“Okay, but if you’re having five, I’m having at least eight. Cause, no offense, but you’re a girl.”

I looked at him for a minute, confused. “None taken. I am a girl, that’s right.” Draining the last of my Corona, I popped the top on a second one. “What’s your point?”

“That I can drink more,” he explained, quickly draining his second and guzzling part of a third.

An hour later, the ground was littered with beer bottles, and Phil and I were laughing our asses off, when we heard footsteps on the deck. I looked up to see James and Woody and Pep, watching us curiously. “Twelve!” I squealed, holding up my latest empty bottle, and giggled.

Woody came down the steps slowly, smiling. “You’ve had twelve beers?”

“Yes! And Phil’s only had ten! So I win!” I said gleefully, Phil giving me the finger from the other side of the fire. I watched Pep and James go inside, and grinned at Woody. “I rock.”

“You do,” he chuckled. “But you’re gonna have a pretty sore head tomorrow, darlin’. Sure that’s a good idea?”

“Ohhhhh no. The wedding. Dammit.” I sighed heavily. “Okay. I’ll go pull the trigger. Back in a bit.” I patted his shoulder as I went into the house, heading for the bathroom.

Pepper was just coming out of his bedroom when I reached the top of the stairs. “Hi,” he said softly. “You a little bit drunk?”

“I’m a lot drunk,” I replied, swaying slightly as I stared at the floor. His hand steadied me and I stepped away. “Don’t, I’m fine.”

“Charlie,” he tilted my head up to look at him. “Talk to me, baby girl.”

I felt tears starting up, and nausea building in my stomach. “Can’t.”

“Yes you can, sweetie. You can always talk to me.”

“Can I?” I said sadly. “You sure there isn’t some new rule about that?” I immediately regretted my words as I saw the hurt on his face. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “It’s just… for two years, I’ve had you all to myself. I never had to worry about how it would look when I was hugging or kissing you, telling you I loved you. And now, I don’t feel like I know where the boundaries are. I don’t know what’s okay.” I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to ignore the sick feeling in my gut. “I know things are gonna be different, I’ll do whatever you want. I won’t sleep in the same bed as you. I won’t hug you or kiss you if that’s what you want. I can stop telling you I love you.” I swiped at the tears that were now streaming down my face. “I’ll do anything Pep, but please don’t…” I broke off and tried to take a normal breath instead of the short hitches of air I’d been in taking.

“Don’t what, baby?” He cupped my face and rested his forehead against mine.

“Please don’t stop loving me,” I whispered, sobbing as his arms went around me.

“What? Oh, God, Charlie, no,” he rocked me back and forth, stroking a hand over my hair. “I could never do that. I’ll always love you, sweetheart. Nothing will change that.”

“You said that before,” I sniffled, “and now you’re saying…” the rest of the sentence came out in a high-pitched garbled rush, and I heard him chuckle before pulling back slightly.

“You wanna try that again, baby girl? I didn’t quite catch that.”

Taking a slow breath, I tried in vain to calm myself as Pep brushed his thumb over my cheek, wiping away my tears. “You snore,” I said slowly. “And you shove the blankets around your hips about three seconds after you fall asleep. You can’t sleep on your side so you always hog the bed by lying with your limbs all over the place. Every time we share a bed, I wake up shoved to one side with no sheets, and you snoring like you’re trying to suck all the oxygen out of the room.” I sighed. “And I love it. So you be sure to tell Trish to appreciate it, if she’s gonna be the only woman who gets to do it anymore.” Turning from him, I started to walk towards the bathroom, letting the tears fall freely again.

“Charlie, wait.” He put a hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off. “Charlie!”

“No!” I yelled. “Stop it, you’re getting to be as bad as James. Telling me one thing and then doing another. If you want things to change, then they’ll change. It’s fine,” I cried. “I don’t care. I don’t need you,” I sobbed, fighting him as he struggled to put his arms around me. “Let me go!”

“Charlie, stop it. You’re drunk and you’re being ridiculous.”

“Am NOT!” I shouted, still trying to wriggle free from his grasp. “Lemme go! I don’t need you, Pepper. I’m FINE by myself,” I spat out. “You go right ahead and leave me, I don’t care!”

He shoved me backwards up against the wall, and kissed me hard, holding my arms up by my head so I couldn’t move. I was so shocked that I went completely limp, and he caught me as I started to slide down the wall. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “It was either kiss you or slap you.”

Tears filled my eyes as I realized what horrible things I’d just said to him. “Pep…” I whispered.

“Shhh, baby. It’s okay. You’re hammered, and you’re upset. C’mere,” he gathered me in his arms, holding me as I cried for a few minutes. “Take it easy, love,” he murmured. “I’m not leaving you, Charlie. I’m marrying your best friend. If anything, that means I’ll see more of you. And I couldn’t be more thrilled about that.” He kissed my temple and rocked me back and forth. “And I was being stupid about the sleeping in the same bed thing. I thought everything needed to change immediately. But if I come see you without Trish sometimes, and you need me to comfort you? Of course I’m not gonna turn you away, sweetie. We’ll figure out this stuff as we go along. You remember that afternoon you woke up with Trish sleeping on one side of you and me on the other?” I nodded slowly, sniffling. “I would be totally fine with-”

I smacked his arm lightly. “Dork.”

He pulled back slightly and smiled. “Love you, darlin’. Don’t you ever doubt that.”

His words only served to set me off again, and I wept in his arms a little longer, before realizing that the nausea in my stomach hadn’t gone away. “Feel sick,” I mumbled, slowly getting to my feet. “Too much beer.”

He nodded and helped me into the bathroom, depositing me in front of the toilet. “Want me to hold your hair back?” I shook my head. Self-induced vomiting was best without an audience. “Okay, baby. I’m gonna call Trish to say good night. I’ll be outside when you’re feeling better. I love you,” he said firmly. “You got that?” I nodded. “Who loves you?”

“You do,” I smiled, holding my cheek up for him to kiss. When he’d gone, I lifted the lid to the toilet and stared into the bowl. “I hate you, Mr. Corona. Damn you and your stupid, delicious beer.”

Ten minutes later, feeling slightly less ill, and a lot less drunk, I washed my face and gargled with mouthwash. Looking in the mirror, I saw a disheveled, pale girl staring back at me. “You look like shit,” I told myself. I fixed my hair and smoothed my dress, trying to make myself presentable before going back downstairs. From the sounds of it, a lot more people had arrived for the bonfire.

My mouth fell open in shock when I walked into the living room. Blaine was standing in front of the couch, holding a drink. “Charlotte,” he raised an eyebrow. “You look like you’ve been up to no good.” He was slurring a little, and he stumbled as he came towards me.

“And you look like you’ve been drinking a little,” I said as I stepped sideways, out of his reach.

“Whassa matter,” Blaine waved his glass around, spilling the contents. “You only like white trash rock stars? C’mon, baby, jus’pretend I play guitar and live in a trailer.”

I smiled sweetly, backing up again when he moved forwards. “Those boys have more class in their pinky fingers than you do in your whole, overly groomed, pec-implanted body, you cocksucker,” I said quietly. “And if you insult them again, I’m going to plant my three inch heel up your snobby, white-collar ass.”

He pulled his arm back, giving me plenty of warning that he was going to throw his glass, and I ducked as he hurled it at me, wincing as I heard it smash against the wall. He closed his eyes and swore, and I took the opportunity to leave the room. I’d barely made it two steps into the hallway when an arm reached out and grabbed me, hauling me into a closet. I tried not to panic as someone covered my mouth, and their arm went around my waist, but I tensed as I heard Blaine calling my name. I felt warm breath on my ear as James dropped his hand down to my shoulder and murmured, “He’ll go away in a minute. Try to be quiet.”

I nodded, and then tilted my head back, trying to see him in the dark. “Why are you in a closet?” I whispered. “Not having fun at the bonfire?” He sighed, and I tried not to giggle. Apparently I wasn’t as sober as I’d thought.

“I just ducked in here when I realized he was coming after you. I thought I was doing you a favor, but if you’d rather be out there with him, be my guest. Just figured you’d rather hang out with somebody…classy.”

Ah, so the fucker’d been eavesdropping. “I was just sticking up for Pepper and Woody. And Blaine’s an ass.”

“I know,” he said softly. “It was sweet that you stuck up for them.”

Blaine stormed by again, yelling my name, and I leaned back against James. “I could just go out there and tell him to fuck off.”

“Yup,” he murmured. “You could.” Neither one of us moved. I closed my eyes and relaxed a little as the thumb of his right hand gently stroked my bare shoulder. Blaine thundered past again and we heard the front door slam. “Guess it’s safe to open the door now,” James muttered.

Before either of us could make a move to do that, the door swung open and Woody yelled when he saw us, laying a hand over his heart. “Um…I … lookin’ for my hat…um… shit. Sorry guys.” He slammed the door shut again, and James sighed behind me.

“I’ll explain it to him later, Het, don’t worry.” I started to turn the doorknob and he put his hand over mine, stopping me.

“Charlie…”

The door swung open again and Phil jumped in the closet, pulling the door shut behind him. “Hide me,” he hissed as James and I shuffled backwards into the already crowded space. “That crazy bitch won’t stop following me.”

James’ arm slid into place around my waist again, and I giggled at the absurdity of the situation. “What crazy bitch?” James asked calmly, as if the three of us having a discussion in a dark closet was totally normal.

“That Blaine dude’s mom.”

“Oh…EW!” I said loudly, and James and Phil both shushed me as we heard a woman’s voice calling from the living room. “Is this like, the ONLY closet in the house?” I whispered just before James’ hand clamped down over my mouth again. I resisted the urge to bite it. When her voice started to get further away, he moved his hand and I wriggled free. With perfect timing, the door swung open yet again, and Pepper grinned at us.

“Are you guys playing Sardines? Awesome!” He made a move to get into the closet and we all shouted ‘no!’ at him, shoving him backwards. Phil made a beeline for the door to the deck, and Pep leaned against the wall, studying me with a little smile playing on his lips.

“You missed it, Pep,” James said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Charlie had quite the comeback when that jackass you’re about to become related to, started picking on your roots. Something about pec implants and her heel in his ass, I believe.”

Pep looked at me questioningly. I blushed and stared at the floor. “Nobody insults my boys,” I said softly.

“Feelin’ any better?” he asked, touching my stomach gently.

“Yeah, a little. Oh, there’s glass on the floor in the living room. I should go sweep it up before someone steps on it.”

“I’ll do it,” James offered, putting his hands on my hips to get past me.

I started to say thank you, but stopped when I heard singing coming from outside. I shot Pep a sideways glance. “Kumbayah?”

“Not quite,” he grinned, putting a hand on the small of my back to guide me to the deck. “Woody scored some local shit tonight. They’re all stoned as hell.” I pushed the door open and was hit by the overpowering scent of pot. Phil and Mike were dancing reggae style around the fire, Woody was standing on a chair, belting out the words, and a dozen or so other guys were sprawled in lawn chairs or stretched out on the grass, and they were all singing along. Recognizing the lyrics, I burst out laughing.

I was gonna go to court, before I got high
I was gonna pay my child support, but then I got high (No you weren't)
They took my whole pay check, and I know why, (why man) 'cuz I got high,
Because I got high
Because I got high

“Ahh, the poetry of Afroman. Awesome, Keenan.”

He laughed and slung an arm around my neck. “So what exactly did you say to the jackass? Musta been quite the comeback to make him throw a glass of eighty year old scotch at you.” He kissed my cheek and tightened his hold on me. “James was pretty impressed with your little protective streak, by the way.”

I smiled. “Just assured him that country boys are just as cool as city boys, that’s all.” I stifled a yawn, and Pep ushered me inside. “No, I’m okay, I can stay up a little longer. There are like four more verses to the song!”

Chuckling, he guided me upstairs. “Here,” he tossed a pair of pajamas at me. “Trish said you can borrow ‘em.” I took them and went into the bathroom to change, running into James on my way out.

“Thanks for cleaning that up,” I nodded towards the stairs.

“No problem.” He took my chin in his fingers, examining my face. “He didn’t actually manage to hit you with it, did he?” I shook my head and he dropped his hand. “Good. You stayin’ here tonight, then?”

“Yeah. Um… yeah.”

He looked towards Pepper’s door, and then back at me. Neither of us spoke for what seemed like an eternity. I didn’t feel like I should have to explain why I was staying with Pep, and I didn’t want to say goodnight just yet either. The sound of a dozen men suddenly screaming themselves hoarse on a second round of ‘because I got high’ broke the spell, and I smiled at James.

“Night James.”

He stared at me for a moment before giving me a little, tired smile. “Night, Charlie. Sleep well.”

I waited til he’d closed the door to the guestroom. I knocked lightly on Pep’s door and he called for me to come in. “Hey, baby girl. Ready for what is definitely NOT our last sleepover?” he smiled as I got in beside him.

“You betcha.” I turned out the light on the bedside table and snuggled down under the sheets.

“Would now be a good time to tell you that it’s customary at the wedding reception for the maid of honor to dance with the bride’s cousin?” he said quietly in the darkness.

I smacked him with a pillow. “That is not funny, Keenan.”

We lay side by side in the dark chatting about the wedding and the reception until I got too tired to keep talking. “Sleep, baby girl,” Pep whispered, pulling me close. “I love you. You ever doubt me again and I’ll throw you in a closet with Blaine.”

I giggled and threw an arm around his waist. “Love you too. You ever make good on that threat and I’ll tell Trish you played with Barbies when you were little.”

He gasped. “Evil! I’m never telling you any more stories, no matter how stoned you are. Can’t believe you remembered that. Did you also remember that it was because they were hand-me-downs and nobody would buy me the G.I.Joes I wanted?”

“Yeah, but I feel like that part really takes away from the story.” I yelped as he tickled me, and settled down again. “Night, Keenan. Happy Wedding Day Eve.”
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Blackened
[ * ]
I woke with the sunrise, and smiled when I saw Pepper was doing exactly what I’d described the night before. Taking up most of the bed, he’d shoved the sheets down around our legs, and was snoring louder than a chainsaw. I kissed his shoulder and moved off the bed, taking my dress from where I’d hung it up. Folding the pajamas, I left them on the chair by the bed, and leaned over to kiss Pep’s cheek. “See you in a few hours, baby,” I whispered.

Walking quickly back to my own hut, I showered and put on a sundress, hopping into the smaller motorboat to go meet Trish and her parents for breakfast.

“How’s my boy?” Trish asked quietly as we waited for her parents to join us on the patio.

“A little nervous, I think,” I said, remember what Pep had said the day before. “But excited.”

“You two work things out? Did you tell him he was being a moron?” she smiled.

“Didn’t quite use those words, but yeah. Everything’s cool. Oh my God, I have to tell you, you missed a hilarious sing-along last night.” I quickly told her about the stoned choral group around the fire, and she was practically in hysterics when her folks finally came out to join us.

I’d brought my things for the wedding with me so I could get ready with Trish and her mother, as well as a few of her aunts and her grandmother. I changed into my dress in one of the bedrooms, and went to see how Trish was coming along with hers. Pushing the door to her parents’ room open, I saw her standing in front of the full length mirror while her mother stood off to one side, dabbing at her eyes.

Catching her eye in the mirror, I smiled as she turned around, and held up the pair of diamond earrings I’d brought to give her. “They’re a gift, but I can pretend they’re mine if you need them for your ‘something borrowed’.”

“They can be my ‘something new’,” she said, her voice wavering a little.

I held up my hand. “Dude…do not start with the waterworks, or we’ll never stop.” Thinking quickly, I started telling her about the excitement with the closet the night before, and got her laughing instead and I watched as Rebecca straightened out the back of Trish’s dress. Figuring Pep would probably love to see a few shots of his bride getting ready, I snapped half a dozen pictures on my digital, and then put it away in my purse. “You look amazing,” I told her. “Can’t believe you’re actually wearing white on your wedding day,” I shot her a grin and she stuck out her tongue at me. “Very grown up, Mrs. Keenan.”

The last two words set the three of us off again, and I had to resort to singing the Afroman song to keep us all from bursting into tears.

Doug knocked on the door when it was time to go, and put a hand to his mouth when he saw Trish. Walking over to her slowly, he kissed her forehead and grasped her hands. “You look beautiful. I might not be able to give you away.” Turning around, he looked at me. “You’re sure this young man is good enough for our girl, Charlie?”

I smiled, blinking back tears. “Nobody’s good enough for her. But he comes pretty damn close.”

Trish shook her head and carefully touched a kleenex to her eyes. “I’m never gonna make it through your damn toast, woman.”

We managed to get into the motorboat a few minutes later, with Rebecca and I helping to hold up Trish’s dress so it didn’t get caught on anything. The limo ride was next, and Trish’s hand slipped into mine as we leaned back against the seats. I squeezed her hand and grinned at her. “Hell of a lot more room with just four of us in here.”

“What if something goes wrong?” she whispered.

“Nothing’s gonna go wrong. Pepper won’t let it.”

“Promise?”

“Absolutely. Hey, coconuts,” I pointed to the palm trees lining the road, and she laughed. “What? I’m out of humorous anecdotes, sweetie. Have to distract you somehow.”

We pulled up to the private beach, and I was pleased to see that the hotel staff had done another magnificent job. Two huge straw mats had been laid down, with white folding chairs in rows on top, for the guests. A makeshift aisle was formed with tall poles wrapped loosely in white chiffon that billowed in the breeze coming off the sea. Fresh lilies and orchids had been fastened to the poles, and to the chairs that lined the aisle. Two string quartets were playing, on either side of the straw mats, so all the guests would be able to hear the music. They were about halfway through Rites of Spring when we got out of the limo.

The guest list had been kept fairly small, especially considering how many people had wanted to come to Doug McGinnis’s daughter’s wedding. About eighty people were seated in the folding chairs, and everyone was still facing forwards, not aware that we’d arrived yet. I could see James and Pep standing at the front, both looking gorgeous in black linen trousers and white button-down silk shirts. And bare feet. James was laughing at something Pep was saying, and I quickly dug out my camera, snapping a picture just as James turned his head and saw me.

Tossing the camera and my shoes into the limo, I gave Trish a quick hug. “You look wonderful. Don’t worry about your makeup. If you cry, you cry. He’s probably gonna cry too.” Kissing her cheek, I hugged her parents and stood under the archway that was the beginning of the aisle. Lily was already there, holding a tiny bouquet of orchids in her little gloved hands. “You ready sweetie?”

She nodded. “I been practicing. Watch!” She started up the aisle before the music was ready, and I giggled, picking her up.

“Hang on, sugar. We have to wait just a little longer. But I bet you’re great.” I looked up again to see James watching me again. I kissed the top of Lily’s head and put her down again, glancing over at the cello player, who was to take his cues from me. I nodded, and the first notes of Paul McCartney’s ‘Maybe I’m Amazed’ started up. Lily walked slowly down the aisle, until she reached the halfway mark, where she spotted her mother, and started waving. Vivian laughed and pointed to where James and Pep were smiling and beckoning her to come to them. When she’d almost reached them, I looked over my shoulder to smile at Trish, and stepped forward.

I wanted to look straight ahead. I wanted to make sure Lily didn’t wander off once she’d reached the front. I wanted to do anything but stare directly at James for the entire time it took to walk down the aisle, but that’s exactly what I did. I kept my eyes locked with his as I took each step slowly, fighting back the thoughts of how much I wanted… I didn’t even let myself finish the thought. When I finally reached Lily, I managed to tear my eyes away long enough to smile at Pep, who grinned back at me. Lily’s little hand slipped into mine, and I let myself sneak another look at James. And immediately wished I hadn’t. He was staring at me with so much pain and regret and anguish in his eyes that it hurt to look at him.

The song ended, and everyone stood up and turned to see Trish. Except me. I couldn’t take my eyes off James.

I shut out everything. I didn’t hear the processional music, didn’t watch Trish come down the aisle, didn’t notice anything except the man standing across from me, his eyes locked with mine.

When Trish finally reached the front, and hugged both her parents, I snapped out of my trance, taking a deep breath as the minister began, “We are gathered here today…”

Trish’s mother was called upon to do a reading, and as she made her way forward, I saw Lily fidgeting out of the corner of my eye and squeezed her hand to get her to look up. Pouting adorably, she shifted her weight from side to side. “Can I sit down?” she whispered.

Realizing it was slightly unrealistic to expect a three year old to stand in one place for the forty-five minute ceremony, I scooped her up and held her while Rebecca took her place beside the minister.

“When Trish was a little girl, she used to climb into my lap every night and ask me to read her a story. She had a fairly extensive library of children’s books,” she smiled at Trish, “but the one she always came back to, time and again, was the Velveteen Rabbit. She asked me to read something today, and said I could surprise her, reading anything I liked.” Turning to face Trish, she blinked back tears, and smiled. “You’re too grown up to sit on my lap now, sweetheart, but I’m so thankful I can share this with you one more time.”

Unfolding a piece of paper, she cleared her throat, and began to read.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Folding the piece of paper again, Rebecca leaned over and kissed Trish’s cheek before doing the same to Pepper. “Thanks Ma,” Trish whispered.

I shifted Lily in my arms and finally dared to look at James again. He had tears in his eyes, and was looking off towards the water. He must have sensed me watching him, and he rested his gaze on me, and then glanced at Lily, who was resting her head on my shoulder. Closing his eyes, he shook his head slightly, and then stood up straighter, not looking at me again.

The rest of the ceremony was a blur. I never took my eyes off James. I watched as he hugged Pep when he handed him the ring, and as he stared at his feet while the vows were recited. For the most part, I just tried not to drop Lily, and managed to remember to hand Trish the ring for Pepper. It wasn’t until Lily was squirming in my arms that I realized it was over, and she was supposed to go back down the aisle. Followed by James. And me. “Charlie!” she giggled. “Lemme go!” I set her down and watched as she scooted down the aisle in about five seconds flat.

James stepped forward, holding out his arm for me to take. Ignoring the lump that formed in my throat, I smiled and slipped my hand in the crook of his arm, battling tears as he put his other hand over mine. Woody caught my eye a few rows from the front and gave me a sympathetic smile, which I did my best to return. We reached the archway and walked under it, seeing Trish and Pep kissing by the limo. I started to let go of James’ arm but he was holding my hand against him so tightly that I couldn’t slip my hand out. Instead, I let myself be led over to the newlyweds, and summoned up my happiest expression.

“Congratulations, sweetie,” I leaned over to kiss Trish’s cheek. Pep held his arms out for a hug, and James released my hand, watching as I wrapped my arms around the happy couple.

The reception was to take place in the same room where we’d had the rehearsal dinner, and the four of us were to ride back to the hotel together. James held the door open while Pep and Trish scrambled into the limo, and I got in after, sitting across from the two of them.

“Would you like some champagne, Mrs. Keenan?” Pepper grinned as he popped the cork on the bottle that had been chilling in the limo’s fridge.

“Why thank you, husband of mine. That would be lovely.” She glanced at me. “Sorry honey, I know we’re nauseating. I can’t help it though. Mrs. Patricia Keenan.” She sipped from her glass. “Sounds fuckin’ awesome.” She snuggled against him, and I watched, envious of how happy they were, as he kissed her forehead and whispered something to her.

I leaned back against the seat, closing my eyes, and felt something brush my hand. Glancing down, I saw James’ hand lying next to mine. I wanted so much to feel the comfort of his touch, and I started to lay my hand over his, but he saw me looking down and moved his hands to his lap.

“So, Mr. And Mrs. Keenan, what’s the first dance gonna be?” I asked, anxious to stop thinking about James.

Pep looked at Trish and then at me. “Actually, sweetie, we were wondering if it’d be okay… I know you always told me how your parents had their first dance to that Beatles tune, and I can’t think of anything more perfect than that one. Especially since it was you who brought me to Trish, figured it might be a cool way to honor the people who brought you to me.”

“Jesus Christ, Keenan, I make it all the way through your wedding without wrecking my mascara and you go and say something like that?” I sniffled, rummaging through my bag for a tissue. “And yeah,” I shot him a watery smile. “I think that’d be lovely.”

The limo driver had taken the long way back so everyone else had arrived first. James and I sat back and watched Trish and Pep exit the car to a flurry of confetti and flowers, and then followed them inside. I’d made it about five steps when Blaine stepped in front of me. I sighed. “Really? Again?”

“I’ll come find you later for a dance, Charlotte,” he warned me.

“Yeah. Good luck with that,” James muttered, taking my hand and leading me into the lobby.

“Charlieeeeeeeeeeee!” Trish hollered from just outside the dining room. “Come get some pictures with us, sweets. Bring Het.”

I briefly entertained the thought of bolting for the door. Trish and Pep were supposed to have a few pictures taken before they went into the reception for the first dance. James and I were NOT supposed to be a part of that. Leaving me no choice, he pulled me over and the photographer immediately took charge.

“Great, okay, so… maid of honor here,” he shoved me beside Trish, “and best man, you go here,” guiding James to stand slightly behind Pepper. He snapped a dozen pictures of the four of us, and then called her folks over, moving me to stand beside James. “No, no, put your hands on her hips, please. She doesn’t have leprosy,” he muttered, “it’s okay to touch her.”

Five very uncomfortable minutes later, and then it was just Trish and I, for some ‘candid’ shots. “Just talk to each other, look like you’re having fun!” he instructed, and Trish bit her lip trying not to laugh.

“You look like you wanna run away,” she said quietly. “Everything alright? I didn’t know he was gonna make you pose with James honey, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be silly! This is fine.” I lifted her hand, looking at the ring, and then at her. “I can’t believe you’re a married woman.” I glanced over at Keenan, who was watching us out of the corner of his eye while he talked to Doug. “Looks like your boys are getting along.” The camera snapped several times as I let her hand go.

“Oh my God, are you kidding me? You should have seen them the other night at dinner. It’s like they’ve known each other forever. The dirty jokes, the stories…” she lowered her voice. “I fuckin’ love it,” she grinned.

Finally it was time to head into the reception. Standing back with Woody and Phil, James, and Trish’s parents, I watched as Pep led Trish to the middle of the room for their first dance. The last time I’d heard ‘In My Life’ was at the wedding I’d been to with Sully, but I barely thought of him as I watched my two best friends gliding around the dance floor, gazing into each other’s eyes as though nobody else existed. The MC announced that other couples were welcome to join them on the dance floor after a few minutes, and I felt a tap on my shoulder. I didn’t even need to turn around to know it was Blaine.

“Buddy,” James growled. “Take the hint.” Looking down at me he held out his hand. “Dance with me?” It sounded like a challenge, one I’d gladly accept if it meant not dancing with Blaine. I took his hand and let myself be guided onto the dance floor. ‘Maybe I’m Amazed’, the song the quartets had played while I walked down the aisle, began to play, and I tried not to roll my eyes as I saw how much distance James was trying to keep between us while dancing.

“James, it’s fine, we don’t have to-” I was cut off as he yanked me against him, tucking my head under his chin. One hand rested on the small of my back, the other holding my hand against his chest, his silk shirt soft under my fingers. I glanced up at him and saw him watching Blaine, who was lurking at a nearby table. I didn’t care why James was being so protective, I just went with it, leaning my head against his chest and letting him lead. I let out a small sigh when he stroked a hand over my hair, and he jumped like he’d been burned.

“Sorry,” he mumbled as the song ended, backing away from me quickly.

“It’s fine,” I assured him. “We should find our table, anyway.”

We were at the head table with Trish, Pep, her parents, and Woody and Phil. I smiled as Woody pulled out my chair for me, and tried not to let the surprise register on my face when James dropped into the seat next to mine. “Y’alright, darlin’?” Woody asked as I pulled my chair in. “Managing to keep away from whassisface?” I nodded, ignoring the dizziness that had swept over me just before I’d sat. “You look a little warm, honey. Have some of this, might cool you off.” He poured me a glass of ice water and handed it to me, watching as I sipped slowly.

“Thanks, Woods. I am feeling a little warm, actually. Think I might hit the ladies, throw some water on my face or something. Save me a dance later, though,” I winked at him. He grinned and stood up quickly, pulling my chair out for me. “Such a gentleman,” I smiled. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Making my way through the tables, I saw Blaine scanning the room, and ducked, just in case it was me he was after. “Can I help you?” a deep voice boomed to my left. I looked up to see an older man I recognized from…somewhere, but I couldn’t place him.

“I, um, dropped my…” I bit my lip as my mind went blank.

“Contact lens. Ah yes, I think I see it,” he knelt next to me and lowered his voice. “Blaine the third?” he raised an eyebrow, shooting me an indulgent smile.

I sighed with relief and nodded. “I’m sorry, it’s so rude of me, he’s just a little…”

“Obnoxious, I know. He works for me.” the man finished for me, helping me to my feet. “Carl Ichan,” he stuck out his hand and I blanched.

Don’t be a dork, don’t be a dork, don’t be a dork, I chanted in my head. “Charlie Tyler, very pleased to meet you.” I couldn’t believe I was standing at my best friend’s wedding, talking to one of the greatest corporate moguls of all time. Suddenly the dizziness set in again and I leaned against the table for support. “I’m sorry, would you excuse me for a moment? I just need to get some air.” No sooner had I uttered the words, than he’d taken me gently by the arm and was leading me out to the balcony. A bottle of Perrier appeared in front of me and I sank into one of the lounge chairs.

“It’s a very warm climate,” he said, taking the chair across from me.

“You’re a very rich man,” I replied, and clapped a hand over my mouth as he burst out laughing. “Good…lord. I’m so sorry. That was incredibly rude. Incredibly true, but incredibly rude. Please forgive me, the heat has obviously sapped my manners.”

Still chuckling, he shook his head. “Don’t apologize. It IS true. So you know who I am?”

“You graduated from Princeton in ‘57 with a BA in Philosophy, after dropping out of NYU. Notorious for forcing Texaco into bankruptcy proceedings in ’87 and TWA in 2001. You were one of the biggest corporate raiders in the eighties, though you now prefer the term ‘shareholder activist’,” I smiled. “Very PC of you, but I suspect when you’re worth roughly $5.8 billion, you can be called just about anything you like. And,” I snapped my fingers, remembering an article I’d read recently, “you just became a grandfather a third time over. Congratulations. I’m a little surprised you’re here. Rumor has it you’re very busy at the moment.”

He smiled, sitting back in his chair. “I am, but I have an exceptional team handling things while I’m away. You’re very well-informed for a woman of your age.” His smile faltered. “I haven’t taken over the company you work for, have I?”

Giggling, I shook my head and took another long drink of water. “I’m a lawyer,” I told him. “But my uncle lives in New York, he’s followed your career for decades. How do you know Doug and Bex? I had no idea I was in the same social circle as a billionaire.”

“I had no idea I was in the same social circle as a bunch of heavy metal musicians,” he said earnestly. “It’s fascinating. The young man at the table next to mine has a bandage on his arm from stepping into his own pyrotechnics. I’m not entirely sure that speaks well of his IQ, but he said the fans found it exciting.” Leaning forward on his chair, he rested his chin on his hands. “How are you feeling?”

“A little better, thank you. I don’t want to keep you from the party…”

“Not at all. If I go back inside I’m going to have to fend off further requests from Blaine that he be put in charge of the casino.”

I thought for a minute, and then remembered he was the chairman of the holding company that owned the Sands Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City. “He…wants to be in charge?” Carl nodded slowly. “But you’re not gonna…” He shook his head, smiling. “Good call.”

We stayed on the balcony chatting for another half hour, discussing his work, and previous deals and takeovers he was known for, and the moved on to politics and sports. “You’re a Bombers fan?” he clapped his hands with delight, and I grinned at his use of the old school referral to the Yankees as he launched into a story about the last time he’d gone drinking with Steinbrenner. Woody came out a short time later, and I introduced the two of them.

“James was looking for you, sweetie,” he explained. “I think he just wanted to make sure you hadn’t passed out in the bathroom, or been kidnapped by Blaine.” Kissing my forehead, he turned to go back inside. “I’ll tell him he can relax, yeah?”

“Yeah, you can try that, but good luck with it actually happening,” I shot back, and he laughed. Seeing Carl eyeing me curiously, I smiled. “Heavy metal musicians. They’re very complicated.”

“You don’t strike me as a young woman who would stand for any bullshit, Charlie. I suggest the next time this musician tries to be ‘complicated’, you let him know where you stand.” He stood up and pulled a card from the pocket of his suit. “Next time you’re in town, you call me, and we’ll take this uncle of yours to a game.”

“Oh yeah?” I grinned as he took my hand to help me up. “Got access to the good seats, have ya?”

He shrugged and then winked at me. “I know a guy.”

He went off to join his wife on the other side of the room, and, as if I’d registered on some invisible radar he possessed, Blaine looked up and saw me. “There you are,” James said behind me, sounding exasperated. Seeing Blaine heading towards us, he pulled me towards the dance floor. “You take off saying you don’t feel well and then we don’t see you for an hour? What’d you do, get lost at the bar?”

Taking a deep breath, I started to make an attempt at answering without biting his head off, but he tucked my head against him again, swaying slowly with me in time to the music. Cursing the DJ for wrecking on of my favorite songs for me, I realized I’d never again be able to listen to “With or Without You” without thinking of James, and this moment.

With my face pressed to his chest, I could hear his heart beating, and every time I breathed, I inhaled his scent. The back of my dress was low enough that when he put his hand on the small of my back, his fingers grazed my skin, sending shivers through me. His other hand cupped the back of my neck, and I melted into his touch as his thumb rubbed small circles over my scalp. Closing my eyes, I slid my arms around his waist, trying not to think about how long it would be before he’d push me away again.

Approximately the length of the song. The DJ faded it out, switching to something faster, and it was like flicking a switch within James.

Pushing me aside, he walked back to our table, with me silently cursing him as I followed behind. If he kept this up, I was going to start choosing Blaine as a dance partner over him. Sitting beside Woody again, I saw Lily had found her way over to our table and was snuggled on his lap, telling him a story about a shell she’d found on the beach near her house.

“And it used to be a house, for a… a sea gherkin,” she explained, and I could see Woody doing his best not to smile at her interpretation of a sea urchin. “And I took it inside, but mama made me frow it away, cause it was stinky.” She wrinkled her nose and cuddled up against him.

“She loves you!” I giggled as he kissed the top of her head.

He shrugged and nodded. “I like kids. They like me. It works out nicely,” he smiled. “Are you feeling better? You look a little less flushed.” He touched the back of his hand to my cheek. “Still a little warm though. I’m gonna get you some ice, darlin’. I’m thinkin’ you mighta picked up a bug or something.” He lifted Lily into my lap and went off to the bar.

Leaning over, Lily tugged on James’ sleeve. “Hi!” she giggled when he turned around. “Ooooooh!” Her eyes got huge as she turned her head towards the DJ. “Lion King!” I listened, and recognized “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” playing, and let her wriggle out of my lap as she held her arms out to James. “Lion King! Lion King! Dance, Papa Hef. Dance!” she stomped her little foot on the floor and he laughed, picking her up.

“Okay darlin’, one dance. And then I think we might need to find your mama, she’s probably wondering where you are.” He looked down at me, and then around the room, and I knew he was looking for Blaine.

“I’ll be fine,” I assured him. “Go dance.” He looked so damned adorable holding Lily in his arms that I wanted to hug them both.

Woody appeared with more water and a glass of ice, and I pointed out where James was slowly turning around the dance floor with Lily. She looked completely at ease with him, her arms wrapped around his neck, and she was talking nonstop from what I could see. “Earth to Charlie,” Woody snapped his fingers in front of me. “You alright, doll?”

“Yeah,” I blinked, “just spacing out a little. Must be the champagne.”

“You haven’t had any champagne today,” he said quietly.

“You don’t know that,” I raised an eyebrow at him. “I coulda been chugging it on the balcony out of sight!”

He smiled and mouthed ‘bullshit’ at me. James and Lily came back to the table and I excused myself to get a drink at the bar. While I waited for the bartender to mix it, Blaine and James appeared on either side of me. I turned to Blaine first. “Whatever it is, no thank you. And I already know what you want,” I said softly to James, “And no thank you to you as well.”

“Charlie,” he growled, putting a hand possessively on my shoulder.

I gently removed his hand and looked at him. “No, James. I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but enough with the cock-blocking. I can take care of myself. And this?” I gestured back and forth between the two of us. “Is hurting way more than anything that guy could do to me. So stop. Okay?” Taking my gin and lemonade from the bartender, I started back towards the table.

“Charlie, c’mon, I’m just trying to protect you.”

I turned around slowly and looked at him for a minute before responding. “Bullshit.” Reaching the table, I saw Blaine had actually taken my seat, and was trying to talk to Lily. “She’s a little young for you, isn’t she?” I pointed out, putting my drink on the table. “You wanna dance with James again, sweetie?” I asked her and she nodded her head quickly. He scooped her up, and I held my hand out to Woody. “’bout time for our dance, isn’t it?”

He looked relieved that he wouldn’t have to talk to Blaine either, and held my hand as we walked to the centre of the room. I couldn’t hold back the laugh that bubbled up when I heard what song it was. “Phil Collins? Really? Who made the playlist?” I asked Woody as he pulled me close.

“Pepper,” he laughed. “Don’t tell anybody. He loves this song.”

I smiled and rested my head on Woody’s shoulder, remembering all the times when I’d stayed with Pep and he’d given me free rein of the stereo. I always thought he was just being generous but apparently his taste in music was surprisingly mainstream. I wasn’t a huge fan of Phil Collins, but Groovy Kind of Love was a sweet song, and all the tension I’d been feeling from James earlier slid away as Woody slowly led me around the floor.

“You ready to give your toast? I think it’s after this song.”

“Shit. No. I wanted to get drunk first,” I pouted, and he looked at me in shock. “Kidding! I’ll behave.”

He was right. As soon as the song ended, the MC announced that it was time for a few toasts. Pep had told me before that he was reluctant to let the mic get passed around to just anyone. He and Trish had had a long discussion one night about past relationships, and especially his experiences on the road, since he didn’t want any secrets between them. But he was nervous about the possibility of one of his friends getting up and telling her relatives all about ‘that time in Baton Rouge with those hookers’ or something along those lines. So I was to give a toast, then Het, and that was it.

Pep and Trish came over from where they’d been talking to some of his buddies, and sat down at our table. “No stories,” he said sternly as he sat, trying not to smile.

“Pepper!” I gasped. “I would never…” He shot me a pleading look and I just grinned.

Trish’s dad said a few words first, and then held his hand out to me. I took the mic from him and hugged him as he bent down to kiss my cheek. Leaning against the podium, I looked over at Trish and Pep. “So… this one time? In Baton Rouge?” I started, and a huge roar went up from Pepper’s guests. He turned a lovely shade of pink and buried his face in Trish’s neck while she couldn’t stop laughing.

“I’m sorry,” I continued, trying not to laugh. “I guess I’m supposed to talk about the bride, not the groom. Looks like you’re off the hook, Keenan. Least til James gets up here. Let me start again.” I looked at Trish as she kissed Pep’s cheek and leaned back in her chair. “I always wondered if there would ever be a man who could keep up with Trish. The girl talks, walks and drives faster than anybody I know. It can be hard to get a word in edgewise, she leaves my ass in the dust, and she will happily take a corner at fifty miles above the limit. So from time to time, when I’d meet someone she was dating, I would take one look at the guy and think, ‘Yeah… good luck, pal.’ And it was only when she and Pep got together, that I realized she didn’t need someone who could keep up. She needed someone who could tempt her into slowing down a little. With Pepper, she’s found the perfect balance. Somebody who speaks slowly,” I grinned, “not to mention, with a little bit of a drawl. Somebody who’ll get her to appreciate the journey, not just rush to the destination. Someone who can encourage her to apply the brakes when she’s in danger of getting a ticket.” I looked pointedly at Trish. “I’m not being metaphorical, she’s wanted in like twenty states for speeding.” Trish smiled proudly and Pep leaned over to kiss her temple.

“And he’s obviously crazy about you, sweetie,” I continued. “He heard you sing along to a music video, and he proposed. Imagine what he’ll do when he hears you play guitar for the first time!” Trish burst out laughing, as did several others who knew how awful her guitar playing was. “In all seriousness, honey, I’m not sure you realize how much happiness you’re in for. This guy,” I smiled at Pepper, “is gonna love you like crazy. He’ll make sure you’re happier than you ever could have imagined. And at some point, you might wonder what you ever did to deserve it.” I waited a beat and lowered my voice. “Nothing. It was all him. In his last life? He was very, very naughty. And now he’s paying for it.”

Trish hooted with laughter, louder than anyone else, and raised her middle finger at me, a huge grin on her face.

I winked at her, and decided I should finish up. “One last request, darlin’. If you could just lay your hand on the table,” I instructed Trish. “And Pepper, sweetie, you put your hand over hers.” He complied, and I looked at them both for a minute, smiling as they waited for me to continue. “Take a good look, Keenan,” I advised Pep. “That’s the last time you will EVER have the upper hand.”

I put the mic down while the guests were still laughing and clapping and went over to hug them both. Pepper wrapped his arms around me so tightly that it hurt, and I grunted for him to let me go. “Don’t go too far, baby girl,” he said softly. “You and I have a dance later.”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” I smiled, kissing his cheek. “Love you guys.” I took my seat beside Woody, and Lily immediately climbed into my lap, settling in as James took the mic and cleared his throat.

“When Pep asked me, several weeks ago, if I’d be his best man, I was thrilled,” James smiled. “And then he reminded me that I’d probably need to do a little speech. And no matter how many times I asked Woody to stand in for me, he kept saying no,” he shot a mock glare at Woody, who grinned back at him. “I’m used to being on stage in front of thousands of people, talking about music, talking about the show, talking about me. Some people might find that kinda scary. I gotta say, it’s a hell of a lot scarier to stand up here today in front of less than hundred people, and talk about love.” He rubbed a hand over his eyes, and I could see how hard this was for him. Everyone could see it. “Guys don’t spend a whole lot of time talking about their feelings. Pep and I aren’t much different. When he started seeing Trish, I’d ask how things were and he’d tell me they were cool. That she was fun, and sweet, and got along with his buddies. And then one night, he called from the road, and I’d barely picked up the phone before he launched into this long, rambling monologue about her. He must have talked for a good twenty minutes before I was able to even say hello. And I knew that was it. That he’d found her. His soul mate. His partner. His true north, his best friend, his other half, his perfect match. Whatever label you wanna put on it. And when I could finally get a word in, I asked him if he was scared. ‘Terrified’, he told me,” James smiled at Pep, and I saw Pepper grin in return. “And I told him that was totally normal,” James laughed. “Love IS terrifying. And so is all the stuff that goes along with it. Trust, faith, honesty, openness,” his gaze fell on me and he suddenly stopped talking.

Lily shifted on my lap, looking up at me. “I’m hungry,” she whispered.

“Okay baby, we’ll get you some food as soon as James is finished.” I pulled her higher on my lap, kissing the top of her curls as she played with my necklace. Looking back up at James, I saw he was still staring at me. I raised my eyebrows, silently willing him to continue.

“Yeah. It’s scary. It’s a big risk, and not all of us are brave enough to take that risk. We’re worried that the odds are stacked against us, that we’ll lose everything. You’re a braver man than I am, my friend,” he smiled at Pep. “But I think… the odds are on your side with this. And anytime you wanna call me up and tell me in excruciating detail how amazing your wife is, I’ll be happy to listen. And anytime you,” he gestured at Trish, “wanna call me up and tell me in excruciating detail how crazy, annoying and immature your husband is, and how if he tells the Baton Rouge story one more time you’ll knock his teeth out,” he paused while everyone laughed. “I’ll happily listen to that too. Congratulations, you guys. And Trish, I think it’s only fair to warn you, Pep and I have a deal that he names his first child after me. Even if it’s a girl,” he grinned.

Putting the mic back in its stand, he moved over to hug Pepper and then lifted Trish off the ground in a bear hug, kissing her cheek fiercely. Pepper walked over to my chair and held out his hand. “May I have this dance?” he said softly.

“Right now?” I felt a knot start in my stomach. I knew he and Trish would be leaving soon, and I didn’t want him to go.

“Yes, right now,” he smiled. “Why, you got somewhere else you gotta be?”

I let Woody take Lily off my lap and carry her over to her mother. Standing up, I slid an arm around Pep’s waist. “Nope. Only place I need to be is with you. C’mon.” I saw James laughing with Trish out of the corner of my eye, and felt the knot in my stomach get a little bigger. I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and put on a happy face too. “Trying to make me cry?” I asked when I heard what song he’d requested.

“Nah,” he murmured as he tucked my head against his shoulder and held me tightly. “Trying to get a point across without saying the words so that I don’t cry.”

We both fell silent as the first verse of Faith Hill’s ‘There You’ll Be’ played out. I moved one hand from where it had been wrapped around his neck, to wipe at the tears that I couldn’t stop. “Don’t cry,” I whispered, not trusting my voice not to break, “but I really love you. And I think I’m getting mascara on your white silk shirt.”

He stroked a hand over my hair and his other arm tightened around me. “I love you too,” he mumbled against my hair. “And I’ll send you the dry-cleaning bill.”

I let out a watery giggle, and kissed his neck, letting the tears fall freely as the song reached its peak.

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

Both of us were crying by this point, and I felt another set of arms go around us, and then another. I opened my eyes to see James and Trish enveloping us in a weepy group hug. “I can’t believe you losers are crying,” Trish managed to sniffle and giggle at the same time.

“Tell me about it,” Woody chimed in as he threw his arms around us. “You’d think it was a funeral, not a wedding. Cheer up, guys,” he chided us, shooting Pep a grin from behind Trish.

“Yeah, Keenan. Crying at your own wedding? How gauche,” Phil stuck his head under James’ arm.

Mike appeared beside me. “Crying is for girls, dude.” Trish smacked him and he chuckled.

“Hi hi hi hi hi!” Lily babbled as she pushed her way between Woody and Phil’s legs and stood in the middle of the little circle we’d made, staring up as us with a huge smile on her face. “Hi!”

Pep looked down at her, and then at Trish, who immediately shook her head. “No! Don’t even! We agreed to wait a year! And I need more time to prepare myself if we’re gonna have a little girl called James Alan,” she smirked at James.

“Just one?” he begged, looking down at Lily again. “One little, tiny, adorable mini version of us? Just one,” he repeated. “How hard can it be?” James coughed loudly and shot Pepper a knowing look. “Fine,” Pep laughed. “We’ll wait a year. But I say we start practicing immediately.” There was a chorus of “whoa…no… don’t wanna see that” as Woody, Mike, Phil and James all backed away slowly.

“We’re takin’ off,” Pep said to me quietly, swinging Trish’s hand back and forth. “Hotel manager told me there’s some weather moving in, so we’re gonna try to get an earlier flight, but we’ll see you in a week, right?” We’d arranged to have a small dinner party at my house after their honeymoon.

“You bet,” I smiled. “Have a wonderful time.” I hugged them both. “Love you guys.” I started crying again and wiped quickly at my eyes.

“I’ll take care of him,” Trish whispered in my ear. “I promise.”

“I know,” I smiled at her. “I wouldn’t trust anyone else to do it. You two are perfect together.” I let go of her to give Pep a proper hug and kiss, and he touched his forehead to mine.

“You still my girl?” he murmured.

“Always,” I replied, tears sliding down my cheeks. “Call me when you get back, but not a second before that,” I smiled. Thunder sounded outside and we both jumped. “Wow. You guys better get a move on. Love you, Pep. Take good care of our girl.”

He hugged me one last time and kissed me gently on the mouth. “One week,” he promised.

I nodded and stepped back to watch the two of them say quick goodbyes to the rest of the guests. I felt an arm go around my shoulders, and leaned against Woody as another roll of thunder boomed. James wrapped Pepper in a ferocious hug and they banged fists when they parted. Trish’s entire family swarmed them at the doorway, and I turned around so I didn’t have to watch them leave. I heard Woody tell me he’d be right back, and nodded absently at him.

James appeared in front of me. I started to tell him to go away, and thought better of it. I needed a distraction. Anything to take away from the pain of watching Pepper leave. “Dance with me?” I asked, adding a whispered, “Please?”

Something flashed in his eyes, and he looked away for a moment before nodding, and taking my hand. We reached the empty dance floor, and I linked my arms around his neck, not giving him a chance to back away. The song that had been playing ended, and I made a mental note to kill the DJ later as “Don’t Speak” wafted through the speakers.

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Letting my arms drop, I slid them around his waist instead, not caring that I’d wreck his shirt with my tears. One of his hands was stroking my hair while the other gently rubbed circles over my back. I shifted my stance slightly and felt him tense as my stomach pressed against his groin. Feeling my face grow hot, I loosened my hold on him and stared at the floor, murmuring an apology. He seemed to relax, but then it happened again. Shoving me backwards, he stormed out to the balcony, smacking his fist against the wall on his way out. And like a fool, I followed.

“James, please…” I came up behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder just as the heavens opened and rain started to pour down.

He whirled around, eyes blazing. “Don’t!” he shouted. “What were you gonna do, apologize for dry-humping me on the dance floor? Christ, Charlie, you’re such a fucking tease! ‘Leave me alone, James…dance with me, James’. Make up your fucking mind! I can’t fucking take it anymore!”

I couldn’t breathe. It was like the museum all over again. Slowly turning around, I started to walk away, shaking slightly, and nearly screamed when I felt his arms go around me, pulling me back against him, his breath hot on my ear.

“I’m sorry,” he said brokenly. “I’m so, so sorry. I swore not to hurt you anymore, and I keep doing it.” I squeezed my eyes shut, biting my lip hard enough to draw blood, in an effort to keep the sob in my throat from erupting. “I’m sorry,” he said over and over, finally releasing me. I sank into one of the soaking wet lounge chairs, trying to steady myself before I went back inside. My hair stuck to my face and my dress clung to my body, but I couldn’t move. I heard someone calling my name, and lifted my head to see Carl, the man I’d been speaking with earlier, gesturing frantically for me to come inside. Seeing that I wasn’t moving, he came out and wrapped his suit jacket around me.

“Cooling off again, were you?” he asked quietly, leading me back into the dining room. I swallowed hard as he wiped my hair off my face. “That would be the complicated musician I saw leaving, then?”

“Yeah. That’s him. Thanks for this,” I tugged at the jacket. “Sorry I’m getting it all wet.”

“It’s fine, Charlie. You’re quite warm, dear,” he looked concerned as he pressed a hand to my cheek again. “It might be a good idea to head back to your island before the storm gets any worse.”

“Wow! I thought that dress looked hot before, but now that it’s wet…” Blaine was eyeing me up slowly, and I tugged the suit jacket tighter around me.

“Go away,” Carl ordered suddenly. Blaine started to protest. “Go away, or you’re fired. Effective immediately.” We both watched as Blaine skulked off, and I had an overwhelming urge to hug Carl. “Do you need me to arrange for a boat to take you back?”

“No, thank you. I’ll just ask one of the staff. I should say goodbye though.” I looked around for Woody and Phil, and Carl followed my gaze.

“If you’re looking for your friend from the balcony, he grabbed a bottle of the vintage Veuve and headed for the beach,” he informed me.

“Shit!” I shrugged off his jacket, handing it back to him. “I’m sorry, I need to go.” I started towards the door and looked over my shoulder at him. “It was lovely meeting you, and I’ll call you the next time I’m in New York. Good luck with the merger!” He smiled and gave me the thumbs up, and I bolted out the doors to the garden, kicking off my shoes on the grass.

Lifting my dress to my thighs, I raced down the beach, trying to find James. Screaming his name into the wind, I finally saw him several yards down, sitting in the sand. Relief washed over me when I reached him and saw the bottle was lying between his feet, unopened. I knelt in the sand next to him. “Please, James, please don’t do this.”

He slowly rolled up his shirtsleeves, and leaned back on his elbows. It was so incongruous that I wanted to laugh. He was wearing a dress shirt, on the beach, in the rain. With a six hundred dollar bottle of champagne. “Have to,” he replied simply. “Nothing else works.”

I had to lean over to hear him and nearly fell on him when a wave of nausea swept over me. “No, James, you don’t have to. Please don’t.”

“I can’t do this by myself,” he said sadly. “I’ve tried everything. Talking, crying, screaming, ignoring it, nothing helps.” He sat up and stared down at the bottle. “I can’t move on, Charlie. I can’t get over you. This is the only way I know how.”

I wanted to scream at him, beg him not to do it, but I knew that would only make things worse. Instead, I grabbed the bottle and squinted at the wet label. “Yellow label vintage. Well at least you’re throwing your life away in style, you pussy!” I hissed the last word at him and his eyes widened. “Yeah,” I choked out a laugh. “That’s right. Anybody who throws so much hard work out the window, over a fucking GIRL, is a pussy in my books.” Tears streamed down my face, mingling with the rain. “And to top it all off, I’M that girl. You fucking idiot,” I shook my head. “I’m not worth it! You spent MONTHS in rehab, you spent YEARS working with the guys to become a better band, better friends, and you wanna throw all that away, for ME? Don’t you DARE! Don’t you dare blame this on me! Drink your sorrows away if you want, Hetfield, but come up with a better reason than ME.” Standing up, I hurled the bottle as far as I could into the ocean. Dizziness overwhelmed me and I sank to my knees, taking deep breaths.

Looking around for James, I saw him heading back to the hotel, head bowed, hands shoved in his pockets. Slowly getting to my feet, I pushed my hair off my face and started back towards the resort, shivering and stumbling over my own feet. One of the hotel staff met me at the dock and helped me into the boat. “Bad storm’s comin’,” he advised me.

I glanced down at my soaked dress and then back at him. “Ya think?” I said wryly, and he smiled.

“You be careful. If it gets too bad, we take everybody back to the main island to ride it out.”

I nodded, and tried to take slow, shallow breaths as we rode over the choppy water. Clambering out of the boat once we’d reached my dock, I thanked him and stumbled over the porch, pushing the door open. Collapsing on the bed, I closed my eyes and tried to stop the room from spinning. Peeling my dress off, I crawled under the covers and listened to the wind and rain whipping against the hut. I barely had time to consider the fact that James might have gone back for another bottle, before sleep overtook me.
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Mina
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Morgenstern
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Awesome chapters and so goddamn dramatic.
Loved them, really.

Can't wait to read more and see what happens.

:heart: :heart: :heart:
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Lucifer's Angel
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Heavy Metal Seanchai
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Yeah, this is all so dramatic. What's going to happen next? :wacko:
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Fade_To_Black
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Bad Seed
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wow, forgot about some of that! Brilliant stuff though, love the 'Afroman' scene haha can totally imagine that in my head!!!!

Cant wait for more!! I always enjoy this story :nanner: :nanner: :nanner:
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maisy blue
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Holy shit!

Your writing just blows my mind. Normally anything with this many twists and turns would make me give up on it, but I am hooked.

James is an ass. I mean, I get where he's coming from, but come on! It's not like he's not done anything in his own life and I'm sure he's gotten lots and lots of second chances from everyone around him.

But the chemistry between Charlie and him is pretty amazing. I can't wait to see what happens with them although if he walks away from her one more time, I'M going to enter the story and punch him. You can write me as a short madwoman coming out of nowhere and assaulting him.

HOWEVER, the whole dream thing between Pep and Charlie?! WOWSERS. That was hot, woman! HOT! I was wondering about Trish but after a few seconds I was all "Oh, forget the damn bride, this is smokin'!"

So you have to tell me- you write professionally, right? I know you have to be a serious writer. Cause this is all so amazing.
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Metalicious
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Blackened
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Morning girlies,
Here's a wee update before I get reading through the other lovely fics today. Thanks for your encouraging comments, everyone! :D

***************************************************

I woke up to a world of pain. My entire body ached, and the dizziness I’d hoped would subside with sleep had only worsened. Sitting up slowly, I fumbled around for the bedside clock. I felt chilled, and wrapped the sheets around myself tightly as I noted it was nine o’clock. The light coming through the windows was fairly dim, so I figured it was night time, though I felt like I’d been sleeping much longer. Shivering violently, I staggered off the bed, searching through my clothes for something warm to put on. I’d no sooner bent down to pick up my jeans than a wave of nausea swamped me, and I shot into the bathroom, barely making it in time.

Several minutes later, I was curled up between the toilet and the sink, still shivering and dizzy, and I heard a banging on the door. “Charlie!” James shouted from the bedroom.

“You have got to be kidding me,” I whispered to myself.

He appeared in the doorway, staring down at me. “God, hung-over much? What’d you do, go after the bottle and drink it all? C’mon, we gotta go to the main island, there’s a hurricane coming in.” I started to stand up and my vision went black, prompting me to sit right back down again. Once I could see, I took a few shallow breaths as James looked over his shoulder and out the door. “Charlie, seriously, we gotta go.” Turning back to me, he bent down to take my arm and I yelped in pain as he touched me. “Jesus! What?”

“Hurts,” I whispered. It felt like my skin was bruised and he’d barely laid a hand on me.

He sighed heavily and left the bathroom. “I’m goin’ to check on the boat,” he called. “Get your ass up and outta here, meet me by the dock in ten or you can find your own way over.”

I got up slowly this time, only getting as far as sitting on the edge of the tub at first, and then managed to make my way to the door, before feeling like I might faint. I swayed against the doorframe and saw James had returned, shaking the water from his hair.

“Are you still drunk?” he scowled. “You can’t even stand. Christ. Look, I’m gonna head over, I’ll send one of the staff back to get you. You might wanna consider getting dressed today.”

“Don’t go,” I said quickly as a boom of thunder rocked the hut. “I’ll be ready in a minute.” I made it to the bed and had to sit again, shivering violently. “Please?” I said softly as he opened the door. “Just…wait.”

He looked at me for a moment and shook his head. “You can barely stand up. I’ll send a boat over for you.” I tried to get up, and he held up his hand. “Don’t, Charlie. I’m just not up to dealing with you all hung-over and shit this morning. I only came cause I told Pep I’d check on you, but I really think it’d be best if I go now. I’ll send another boat,” he repeated.

My vision blurred again, this time with tears, and I lowered my head, letting my hair fall in my face. “Okay. Thanks. I’ll see you over there.” I took shallow breaths, sitting on the edge of the bed, doubled over at the waist. The aching had intensified and I felt my stomach churning again. Not wanting James to witness the dry heaving that was about to occur, I glanced at him to tell him to go, but he was already heading out the door.

When he’d gone, I managed to crawl to the bathroom, holding my hair back with one hand as I braced myself on the edge of the toilet with the other. When the heaving finally stopped, I pulled my knees up to my chest, wiping the sweat from my forehead, and thought about getting into the shower. Realizing I wouldn’t be able to stand for that long, I turned on the hot water tap in the bathtub instead, desperate to get warm. Leaning against the tub as it started to fill, I tried to remember if I’d packed any form of painkillers.

The tub was half full when I had the urge to vomit again, and I quickly turned off the taps before getting to my knees and bringing up stomach acid. “Lovely,” I muttered as I sank back down on the tiles, my entire body screaming in pain. I wondered how long it would be before the boat James promised would show. Closing my eyes, I huddled against the tub, summoning the strength to get in.

Shaking fiercely, I started to unwrap the sheets from my body, and bit my lip as pain shot through me. Whatever virus I’d apparently picked up was getting worse. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I cursed myself for being so weak. Figuring it would be best to lie down until I got a little strength back, I crawled slowly back to bed, hoping the hotel staff would come to the hut when they arrived.

I slept fitfully, floating somewhere between consciousness and dreaming. Dreaming that James was touching me, sliding his hands all over my body, bringing me to a fevered state of arousal with his lips and tongue. Arching my back as he gently sucked at my breasts, I tangled my hands in his hair, whimpering his name. “Please, James,” I murmured. “Please, baby. Make me come. Touch me…” I lifted my hips, trying to coax him to move lower, but he only smiled, tracing circles over my belly with his tongue.

He said my name softly and I moaned his own in response. “Please touch me,” I whispered. “Need you, James… please make me come.” Writhing on the bed, I cried out as his hand finally slid between my legs, stroking me lightly. “Harder,” I begged him, riding his fingers as his thumb played over me. He increased the force of his thrusts, twisting his fingers every time he withdrew them, and I cried out with a mix of pleasure and pain as my climax shot through me. I felt his fingers slide out and he kissed my lips softly, easing off the bed as my breathing slowed.

Waking up what seemed like a short time later, I found that my dream orgasm hadn’t relieved any of the pain. Digging under my pillow, I pulled out one of Cliff’s shirts and managed to yank it over my head, wincing as I lifted my arms. Slipping into a pair of bikini bottoms, I swore under my breath as I felt yet another round of dry heaves coming on. Stumbling blindly to the bathroom, I pushed open the door and found James there, one hand braced against the wall, the other one inside his boxers, stroking himself almost violently. His eyes flew open as I gasped, and I mumbled an apology, feeling bile rise in my throat, before darting out the front door to be sick on the porch. Crying and spitting blood, I knelt by the hammock, barely registering the fact that I was getting drenched by the rain.

“Charlie?” James was crouching beside me, wiping my hair off my face. “C’mon, come inside, you’re soaking wet. Jesus Christ,” he stared down at the porch. “You’re vomiting blood?” Turning me to face him, he held my arms and looked at me carefully. “How much did you have to drink?”

I shook my head quickly, crying harder as it only made the pain worse. “Didn’t drink,” I managed to gasp out before shoving him away and bending over again. His arms went around me from behind as I coughed and gagged, spitting several times before I stopped. I felt myself being lifted, and James carried me back inside, wrapping me in one of the huge towels from the bathroom before placing me gently on the bed.

I started to stammer out another apology, but he shushed me, touching his hand to my forehead. “You’re burning up,” he murmured.

“No…m’cold,” I argued, shivering under the towel, which felt like it was made of sandpaper. “Thought you went to the main island.” I said through gritted teeth. “How come you’re back?”

He was rummaging through the closet, pulling out blankets from one of the shelves. “I didn’t actually leave,” he said over his shoulder. “Tried to, but the boat wouldn’t start, and the wind’s too high for the sailboat. I tried calling the front desk to leave a message for Pep but the phones aren’t working.”

I laid back on the bed, feeling even worse than before. He’d come back to check on me, and now he was stuck with me. “I’m sorry,” I said softly when he set the blankets on the bed. He unwrapped the towel and replaced it with a blanket, pulling back when he saw my face. “Hurts,” I explained, trembling in my wet tee shirt. I wiped away at the tears that were still falling, and started to pull the blanket back up.

“No, don’t. I’ll find something softer. Hang on.”

I suddenly remembered what he’d been doing in the bathroom when I found him, and wondered how long he’d been there. And if I’d actually been dreaming. “James? Did I… Did you see me…” I sighed and rested my throbbing head in my hands.

He sat beside me, hands in his lap. “I’m so sorry,” he sighed. “I knocked and there was no answer, so I came in. You were lying on the bed, naked,” he added, “and saying my name over and over, begging me to…” he trailed off, and my heart sank, remembering what I’d said in my dream. Or out loud, as it seemed. “I shouldn’t have touched you, Charlie, I’m sorry. I know it was wrong. But when I said your name, I thought you realized I was there, I thought you were okay with it. And then I didn’t want to disturb you when you fell back asleep, so I went into the bathroom to, um,” he lifted his hands and sighed. “And that’s when you found me.”

I nodded slowly, trying to comprehend what had happened, and swore loudly as my stomach lurched. “Sorry,” I muttered as I shot off the bed and into the bathroom.



James knocked on the door a few minutes later, holding one of my hoodies.

“Put this on,” he instructed. “It’s softer than the blanket. I’m gonna run over to Pep’s to get some food. You need to try to eat something. I’ll be right back, okay?” He bent down and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of my head. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, tilting my chin up so I’d look at him. I knew he was apologizing for more than what had happened earlier but I was too exhausted to think about it, and I just nodded, leaning back against the base of the sink.

I hadn’t moved by the time he came back, and was still holding the hoody in my hands, too tired and stiff to put it on. James poured me a glass of water from a bottle he’d taken from Pep’s, and handed it to me. I tried holding the glass to my lips but was shaking so badly that I kept hitting my teeth with it. James wrapped his hand around mine and cupped the back of my head, waiting as I sipped slowly. Pushing the glass away, I waited several seconds for the inevitable revolt in my stomach, and glanced up at James.

“More?” he held up the glass and I shook my head slightly, closing my eyes. Picking me up again, he carried me back to the bed, setting me down on the edge of it. “Charlie, I think you gotta take your shirt off, okay? It’s still soaking wet, and if you feel cold, that’s probably not helping.”

“’kay.” I could barely open my eyes, and just wanted to go to sleep. I didn’t move, waiting for him to help me take off the shirt. When he didn’t do anything, I opened my eyes again. “Could you help me, please?”

He started to lift it off, and then moved around behind me, waiting as I lifted my arms. Draping one of the sheets over me, he tossed the shirt on the floor and held up the hoody. “Want this?” I nodded, and he started to slide my arm into the sleeve. The inside of the fleece material felt like it was scraping my skin off and I yanked my arm back quickly, tears springing to my eyes again. “Okay, okay,” he held up his hands. “No shirt. You’ll probably warm up under the sheets in a few minutes, anyway.”

I lay down on the bed, trying not to let my teeth chatter as James put away the food in the mini fridge across from the bed. Setting out a glass of water on the table next to me, he glanced at me. “Th-thanks,” I stuttered, tensing my body so he wouldn’t see me shivering. Even the soft cotton sheets felt harsh on my skin, and I turned away from him, pushing them down around my waist. I was slightly colder this way, but at least it was a little less painful. “James?” I said softly. “Could you do me a favor? Please?” Tears slid down my cheeks as I realized he’d probably say no.

He was silent for a minute, and I thought he was going to refuse to even answer. “Anything,” he finally replied.

I rolled over again, tucking the sheets around me. “Could you please…” my voice broke and I cleared my throat, trying to regain some sense of dignity. “Please will you…” Fuck it. This was too hard. I’d nearly driven him to drink the night before and now I was asking for a favor? What the hell was wrong with me?

“Charlie, whatever it is, just ask.” He stroked a hand over my hair, and I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch.

“Could you please hold me?” I whispered. Opening my eyes, I saw him watching me. “I know it doesn’t change anything, I know you’re still hurt, I know it just looks like I’m being a… a tease,” I lowered my eyes. “You don’t have to.” A fresh burst of pain flared in my stomach. Wrapping the sheet around me, I pushed away his hand as he tried to help me up, and managed to stumble into the bathroom on my own, for a blessedly short bout of vomiting. When I emerged, James was laying on the bed, shirtless, resting his head on his elbow.

“C’mere,” he held out his hand. I took it and lay down on my side, facing away from him. Warmth surged through me as he curled his body around mine, and I pressed back against his chest. “God, woman, you’re like a furnace,” he muttered, and I squirmed away again, not wanting to make him too hot. “Come back here,” he said gently, pulling me back against him. “Try to get some sleep, okay?”

I nodded. “Will you stay with me?” I yawned.

“Course I will,” he answered. “Charlie?”

“Mmm?”

“Thank you for coming after me yesterday. For tossing the bottle. Especially after the things I said to you. I was horrible, and you still wanted to help me.”

“I told you. I’m not worth it,” I sighed, finally relaxing enough to drift off to sleep.

I woke up with my face pressed against his chest, his arms wrapped around me, one of his legs slung over mine. “How’re you feeling?” he murmured when he saw I was awake.

I started to answer, but put a hand to my mouth instead. Not having time to wrap the sheet around me, I scurried to the bathroom, banging my shoulder on the side of the doorframe as I lurched inside. Barely anything came up, and my stomach muscles were screaming by the time I’d finished. Crying and sniffling, I pulled my knees up to my chest as James came in, wrapping my arms around my legs. Stiffening as he sat behind me, pulling me back against his chest, I mumbled an apology.

“Shhh, baby,” he soothed, stroking a hand gently over my hair. “Not your fault.” He held me tighter to him as I shivered.

“Time is it?” I sniffled.

“Uh… mid-afternoon? It’s pretty dark outside though. It’s too bad you can’t walk far, the storm looks amazing from the porch…” he kept talking but I felt my eyes closing, and rested my head back on his shoulder, perfectly content to fall asleep in his arms, on the bathroom floor.



“Hey, sweetie,” James said sleepily when I opened my eyes again. We were still on the floor of the bathroom, and I knew his back must be killing him. “Wanna try eating something?”

I nodded slowly, whimpering when I stood up. My vision was blurred, my limbs felt like they’d been run over with a steamroller and my head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. My feet were the only parts of my body that weren’t aching. Sinking onto the bed, I slipped the other tee shirt of Cliff’s over my head and curled up into a ball while James retrieved crackers and cheese. I pushed away the little slice of cheese he offered me, but took a soda cracker and bit off one of the corners, sucking the salt off it. Swallowing when it had softened, I accepted the glass of water he held out, taking little sips. Exhausted from that tiny expense of energy, I lay back on the pillows, staring out the window at the rain. It even hurt to lie down.

“Still hurting all over?” James asked from the doorway where he was watching the storm.

“My feet don’t hurt,” I tried to sound positive. “So I guess that’s something.”

He came to sit at the end of the bed, taking one of my feet on his lap. “This okay?” he asked quietly, gently kneading the balls of my feet.

“Mmhmm. Thank you.” It felt wonderful, but it didn’t outweigh the pain that the rest of my body was in, which was almost unbearable. I dropped one arm over my face so he wouldn’t see me crying.

“Charlie?” He moved up the bed, lifting my arm. “What’s wrong? You gonna be sick again? I can find a bucket…or something, put it beside the bed.”

“No…s’fine. Just feeling sorry for myself. Could you, um, find my iPod? I think music might distract me a little. It’s in my bag, in the closet.”

“Yeah, sure. Hang on.” He moved over me carefully, taking care not to touch me, and rooted in my bag for the little silver player. Sitting beside me on the bed, he turned it on, handing me the headphones. “Any requests?” I shook my head, and he pressed the play button. “We’ll leave it on random then.” Stretching out beside me, he bundled me in his arms, and accepted one of the headphones I gave him. “I reserve the right to forward through any easy listening,” he smiled.

“Deal,” I whispered, closing my eyes. I opened them again when I realized it was going alphabetically, and Adagio for Strings was first. I saw recognition flash across James’ face, and knew he was remembering our first night at his cabin, when this had been playing. “You can change it,” I told him.

“S’alright,” he murmured, tucking my head under his chin. “Try to rest, Charlie.”

“Don’t leave, okay?” I glanced up at him with half-closed eyes. “Please?”

He shook his head. “Stayin’ right here. I might run over to Pep’s again later to get more stuff, but I’ll wait til you wake up.”

“Thank you,” I murmured, taking even, shallow breaths in an attempt to stop the pounding in my head. I opened my eyes when U2 came on, and found myself inches from James’ face. Neither of us spoke as All I Want Is You played out, we just lay there on our sides, staring at each other. I felt myself grow sleepy as the next song came on, and barely made it through to Astronomy. “I love this song,” I murmured, snuggling up to him, and I was asleep before the end of the track. I woke up again when the track list was on B, and Behind Blue Eyes was playing. “This song always makes me think of you,” I said sleepily, turning onto my back and then rolling over again when nausea ripped through me. Battling the dizziness, I closed my eyes.

“How come?” James asked softly.

“How come what?” I replied, confused.

He chuckled. “Nevermind. I’m gonna go to Pep’s, throw one of those pizzas in the oven… if it still works, and then I’ll be back. You gonna be okay for half an hour or so?” He took off his watch and placed it on the bed beside me. “It’s ten past seven. I’ll be back at twenty to eight. Okay?”

Nodding, I clasped the watch in my hands. “’kay. Love you,” I mumbled, and then sighed. “I mean, see you later.” Looking up at him, I shook my head. “Force of habit, you know, with Pep.”

“I know,” he said softly. “I’ll be back soon.” Kissing my forehead, he pulled his shirt over his head and opened the front door. The wind blew it open, and he barely caught it before it slammed against the wall.

I tried to focus on the watch’s second hand, but my eyes hurt too much. “Thirty minutes… roughly eight songs.” I scrolled through the track list and figured out that I’d be on Boulevard of Broken Dreams by the time James returned. “How fitting,” I muttered, and then mentally slapped myself for being so negative. Closing my eyes, I made a conscious effort to tense and relax every part of my body, trying to ease some of the ache. If anything, it made it worse, and I prayed James would hurry back.

He wasn’t back when the song came on. Nor was he back by Cure My Tragedy. When the playlist reached Fade to Black, I was sweating through my tee shirt, and shivering as the sweat cooled, making the damp shirt stick to my skin. Huddled against the headboard, I chose warmth over comfort and pulled on the huge hoody that James had left on the bed. Tucking my entire body in it, I rested my head on my knees, leaving only my toes sticking out from the hem of the sweatshirt. “He didn’t leave,” I told myself. “He would have said if he was going to the main island.” I thought for a minute. “Unless he didn’t go to the main island and he just wants to stay at Pep’s til the storm’s over, cause he can’t stand to be near me.” That made sense. “Because I’m obviously so appealing what with all the crying and puking and TALKING TO MYSELF!” I yelled. “And my new sexy, hoarse voice,” I added, putting a hand to my throat when I realized all the vomiting had affected how I sounded.

I sipped from the glass on the bedside table, and took another small bite of the cracker that was still there. I didn’t suck on the cracker before swallowing and it felt like glass going down my throat. Drinking more water quickly to help it down, I realized too late that it was a mistake to drink so much. Scrambling off the bed, I ran into the bathroom and watched as the water and tiny piece of cracker came back up, along with more bile and blood. “Best…holiday…ever…” I told the toilet.



The door slammed shut and I heard James calling my name. Standing up too quickly, I sank to my knees and felt two strong arms go around me. “Easy, baby,” he murmured, picking me up.

“I thought you left,” I said as he put me on the bed. “You didn’t have to come back, James. I’m okay. If you can get the boat to start, you should go. Back to the main island. Cause it’s really, really windy here. And rainy. You should go,” I repeated.

He took my face in his hands. “I’m not leaving you,” he said firmly, and then bent his head closer to mine. “Sweetie, can you see? Your eyes look a little… glazed. How many fingers am I holding up?” He held up his hand a few inches from my face and I took it, rubbing my thumb over the calloused pads of his fingers.

“You have such big hands,” I said slowly, pressing my palm to his. “So strong. Always feel so safe with you, James.” He laced his fingers through mine and squeezed and pulled something out of his back pocket.

“I thought you might want this back.” He handed me the picture of the band I’d given him the first we’d arrived on the island. The faces of the boys blurred together, and I closed my eyes. “I’m sorry I was gone so long. I was trying to figure out a way to build a fire so we could warm you up. But all the wood that was in the living room at Pep’s is gone, and the stuff outside is pretty much saturated with rainwater. But…I do have pizza.”

“I didn’t order a pizza,” I mumbled, drifting off to sleep again with the picture of the guys still in my hand.

When I woke again, it was completely dark outside, and James was sleeping beside me, his hand resting on my hip. I tried to see the bedside clock, but it was blinking zeroes at me, and I realized the power had gone out. There were candles on the floor and the bedside table, and I lit the handful that were closest to me. James must have taken the picture from me while I was sleeping, and it was leaning up against a stack of books. I traced a finger over Cliff’s figure in the picture. “Miss you,” I whispered.

“I’m here, angel,” a quiet voice said from the other side of the bed. I turned over and saw Cliff leaning against the wall. He held up his hand in a little wave. “Hey,” he smiled.

“Hi. Have you… been here long?” I sat up slightly.

“Little while. How’re you feeling?” He was smoking a joint, and I inhaled deeply, coughing harshly as a result. “Take it easy, angel, you’ll hurt yourself.”

“I’m fine,” I assured him as he walked around to my side of the bed. “Why are you here?” Trying to sit up fully, I moaned as my head started pounding. “Not that I’m not happy to see you…”

“Heard my best girl was sick. Thought I’d pay you a little visit. See how you’re doing. I see you’ve got company.” He gestured to James, and I nodded. “Good. He taking care of you?”

“Yeah, he’s been great. Considering everything I put him through, it’s really sweet of him to stay with me.” I thought for a minute. “Then again, the boat isn’t working, so he doesn’t really have a choice. Either way, I’m happy he’s here. I know how hard it is for him to be around me,” I said softly.

“Why would it be hard for him to be around you?” he brushed my hair away from my face. “You’re wonderful.”

“You’re biased,” I tried to smile, resting a hand on my stomach as it lurched. “I hurt him so much…”

“We’ve had this conversation before,” he reminded me. “And I told you everything would work out. Don’t you believe me?”

“You don’t understand,” I argued. “He’s so angry with me. And he has every right to be. All the things I’ve done, all the ways I’ve broken his trust…”

“How?” Cliff interrupted. “Hey… don’t cry, angel. Shhh,” he brushed his lips across my forehead as I sobbed. “Poor darlin’. Still think you’re Hurricane Charlie, don’t ya.” I nodded, taking a shaky breath as tears streamed down my face. He walked quickly to the door and threw it open. “That,” he pointed outside, “is a hurricane. You, sweetheart, are only human.”

I rubbed my eyes as he closed the door. There was a weird light around him and I wasn’t sure if it was a halo, or my eyes being fucked up. “I hurt him… he’ll never forgive me. I have no idea why he’s here now,” I said softly, tensing as a fresh wave of pain and nausea came over me. I felt James stirring beside me, and moved farther away from him, trying not to wake him up.

“He’s here because he cares about you. More than you know.” He moved towards me again and I shook my head, trying to clear my vision.

“He doesn’t. I’ve only ever let him down.” Wiping my nose on the sleeve of the hoody, I looked up at Cliff through my tears. “I let everybody down. James, Lars, Sully…you. Especially you. You were – are – this wonderful, talented, kind person, with so much light and heart and warmth. I’m supposed to be like you. But I’m not,” I sobbed. “I’m mean and spiteful and jealous. I always put myself first, and I end up hurting everyone around me. James was right.” I swung my legs over the bed, my head in my hands. “You must be so ashamed of me, Cliff. And for that, I am so, so sorry. I never meant to be a disappointment to you,” I sobbed, wrapping my arms around my stomach. Wracked with pain, I turned my face so I could see Cliff. “Please forgive me,” I whispered.

“Angel baby, there is nothing to forgive. I could never be disappointed in you, or ashamed.” I felt the faintest touch of his fingers on my cheeks as he wiped at the tears that kept falling. “Sweetheart, why are you doing this to yourself? Can’t you see how much James cares for you? How much you care for him?”

“Don’t you get it?” I wept harder. “Love him so much… but I can’t keep doing this. He’ll only get hurt more. Have to stop…have to let him go…” I sniffed. “Before he gets hurt again.”

“And you, angel?” he said softly. “What about when you get hurt?”

I shook my head, feeling myself being pulled back on the bed. “Doesn’t matter if I’m hurt. Only James matters,” I mumbled as I rolled over on my side to stare into wide awake blue eyes, full of guilt and anguish and pain. “Only you,” I whispered to James before sleep claimed me.



“Shhh, baby, Charlie, it’s okay, sweetheart.” I awoke to James holding me close, rocking me back and forth on the bed. Somehow I’d been able to sleep through all the pain my body was experiencing, but once I was awake, it felt like every bone in my body was broken. And the feeling of extreme cold had been replaced by one of overwhelming heat.

“Make it stop,” I begged him. “Please, James, it hurts so much.” I fumbled with the sleeves of my hoody, trying to cool off.

“I know, honey, I know. Hey, easy, wait a minute, let me help.” He sat up, lifting the shirt off as I held up my arms, and I screamed it went over my head. It felt like he was breaking my neck. “Sorry, sweetheart.” He cradled me against him and I pushed him away.

“Hot,” I moaned, kicking the sheets down and pulling at my tee shirt. “So hot.” I grabbed at the glass of water beside the bed, trying to chug it, and James took the glass from me.

“You’ll make yourself sick that way. Little sips. You haven’t thrown up for hours, Charlie. You’re doing so great, sweetie, so just try to take little sips.” Placing a hand on my forehead, his eyes widened. “You’re a lot warmer than you were a few hours ago. I’m gonna get you some ice to suck on, okay? Try to bring down your fever.”

“Okay, but I don’t think s’any ice, cause…cause the power’s out. ‘member?” I blinked several times, trying desperately to get my vision to focus, to no avail. “Hot!” I yelled, and then stared down at the bed. “Sorry,” I whispered. “I know you can’t do anything about it.” Closing my eyes against the dizziness, I tried taking tiny shallow breaths.

I felt James shift on the bed, and he put an arm around me. “I’m gonna put you in the shower for a bit, Charlie. I think cold water might help a little,” he sighed, muttering, “if the shower even works anymore.”

I nodded, and let him pick me up. Putting me down inside the shower, he stepped out and turned the cold water on for me, catching me as I started to sink to my knees. “I don’t think I can stand,” I said quietly. Stripping quickly to his boxers, he got into the shower with me, and held me against him, one arm around my waist, while he fiddled with the cold water tap. Resting my head against his chest, I heard him make a victorious ‘HA!’ when the water started, followed by ‘Shit!’ when it stopped almost immediately.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he tilted my face up. “I can pour the bottled water over you, but it won’t be as cold.

“Bathtub,” I mumbled, blinking rapidly as two James faces swam before me. “Water in the bathtub.”

Helping me out of the shower, he led me over to the tub and stuck a hand in. “Nicely done, darlin’. It’s pretty cold. Do you…um… do you need me to undress you or are you okay going in like this?”

“I…can do it,” I turned away and nearly fell on my ass.

“Here. Let me help.” Stretching the neck of the tee shirt first, he gently lifted it over my head and then wrapped an arm around my waist as he untied my bikini bottoms. It still hurt to be touched, but I was so excited at the prospect of cooling off that I ignored the pain. “I’m not even looking,” he assured me, and I glanced up to see he was staring at the ceiling.

“S’fine,” I slurred. “Seen it before, so it doesn’t matter.” Turning around to face him, I leaned against his chest, trying to steady myself. Feeling him harden against my stomach, I stepped backwards, stuttering an apology.

“No, Charlie, don’t.” He sounded absolutely miserable. “I shouldn’t have said what I did at the reception. It wasn’t your fault. And this isn’t your fault either. I’m sorry,” he touched his forehead to mine. “Let’s get you into the water, okay? You’re burning up.”

I nodded, and held on to him as I put one foot, and then the other into the bath, and eased myself down into the water. “Soooo nice,” I sighed as I slid down so the water was just covering my shoulders.

Shifting so he was crouching by my head, he cupped water in his hands and told me to tilt my head back, letting the cold water trickle over my forehead and down to my neck. “Wanna dunk your head under?”



I nodded. That sounded like the best idea in the world. He leaned over the tub, hooking his hands under my armpits, and let me slide down into the water. I opened my eyes when I was fully immersed, and saw him watching me with concern.



“Close your eyes,” he smiled, his voice muffled by the water. I complied, and he lifted me back up to a sitting position, gently patting my face dry with one of the towels. “Little bit better?”

“Much.” I squeezed the water from my hair. “Thank you for doing this.”

“You’re welcome. I just hope it helps a little. Charlie…” he looked down at the floor. “Who were you talking to before? Earlier tonight? I woke up and you were talking to someone. And it sounded like you were talking to…”

“Cliff?” I said softly, and he nodded. “I was. He was here.”



I started to stand up, and James held out a hand. “Thanks.” I tried not to wince as he wrapped one of the towels around me, and led me back to the bedroom. Holding out my green sarong to me, he turned his back as I sat on the bed to wrap the thin fabric around myself. It was slightly less painful on my skin, and I stretched out on the bed, laying the towel over my pillow. “I can see him,” I said to James, prompting him to turn around.

“You? Can see Cliff?”

“I think so. I know it sounds like I’m hallucinating, and maybe I was. The first time I saw him I was completely stoned on some of his old pot that was at the ranch. And then last night… coulda been whatever the hell illness I have. But it looks like him, and it sounds like him, and…” I looked up and saw James staring at me in awe. “And you think I’m crazy.” Rolling over, I turned on the iPod and found the battery had died.

“I don’t think you’re crazy,” James laid down next to me. “I think you’re very lucky, and I wish I could see him too. I have a lot of stuff I’d like to tell him.”

“You should say it anyway. He’ll probably hear it. My iPod is dead,” I said suddenly, changing the subject.

“I know,” he sighed. “We killed the battery. And I guess you can’t charge it when the electricity is gone.” Blowing out the candles on his side of the bed, he turned back to me. “Get comfy,” he instructed me. I turned over on my back, staring up at the ceiling. He did a 180 so he was laying with his head at my feet, and took my left foot in his hands. “Close your eyes,” he murmured, lightly rubbing my heel. I closed my eyes as he started to sing softly. I had liked ‘Maybe I’m Amazed’ before the wedding, but with all the memories now associated with it – me walking down the aisle, me dancing with James, James singing it to me while I writhed on the bed in pain – I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to listen to it again. Deciding to think about that later, and enjoy it now, I drifted off with James’ quiet voice lulling me to sleep.

Waking up however many hours later, I noted it was still dark. Or dark again. I wasn’t sure. James was lying beside me, an arm slung over his face, and he was talking quietly. I tried to turn my head towards him and found I could barely move without putting myself in agonizing pain. As long as I lay still, the pain was bearable. Any movement, though, sent lightning quick bolts of pain shooting through my whole body.

“I miss you so much, man,” I heard James saying softly. “Some days I still can’t believe your gone. I have dreams about you, and I wake up confused that you’re not really here anymore.” He sounded like he was crying, and I tried moving my hand to squeeze his, but only touched the sheets. “And I want you to know, Cliff, I swear I’m gonna take better care of Charlie for you. I promise. I’ve been such a horrible friend, to both of you, but I can do better. She deserves so much more.”

I started to fall back asleep when I heard him start singing again, and I smiled when I recognized the song. I hoped Cliff was listening, and I hoped he’d let James know he was there.

"So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange
a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
running over the same old ground. What have we found?
The same old fears,
wish you were here."

His voice broke on the last word, and I summoned all my strength to roll over.

“Shhh, Papa Het,” I whispered. “It’s okay. He hears you.”

His arms went around me, and his body shook with sobs. “I’m so glad you’re awake, baby,” he whispered. “You’ve been sleeping for so long, and I couldn’t wake you up.” Placing tiny kisses all over my face, he cupped my cheek. “You scared me, Charlie.”

“Don’t be scared,” I whispered back to him. “Cliff’s here, it’s okay.”

“You can see him? He’s here?” He sounded so hopeful and confused at the same time.

“I can barely see you, darlin’, it’s too dark. But I can smell pot, and unless you brought over the rest of the local shit from Pep’s, then it’s gotta be Cliff’s.” I took a chance, praying he’d answer, even if James couldn’t hear. “Right Cliff?”

“Right, angel.” The soft, mellow voice I recognized was coming from the corner of the room.

Smiling, I buried my face in James’ chest. “He’s here.” I could barely keep my eyes open, and I felt like some of the pain was suddenly easing. “I’ma go back to sleep, James. You talk to Cliff.”

“No,” he said loudly, sounding terrified. “Don’t go back to sleep Charlie. I won’t be able to wake you up again.”

“S’okay, Het, I’ll be fine. Cliff’s here. And I don’t hurt anymore, I’m starting to feel better…promise me you’ll stay with me though. Okay? Don’t leave me.”

“I’m not leaving, baby. I’m staying right here. I’ll never leave you again. But Charlie, please try to stay awake. Please…” his voice faded out as I closed my eyes.


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Lucifer's Angel
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Heavy Metal Seanchai
[ * ]
Man, what happened to Charlie? That sounds like one helluva a hangover :wacko: And she got to see Cliff again, he sounds like a wonderful dad to her :heart: I hope it all works out between Charlie and James, but it's going to take a lot :(
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maisy blue
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Wow- I LOVED this chapter.

Poor Charlie- where the hell did she catch that bug? And even if she was hung over, James should have stayed. He just SHOULD HAVE STAYED. She's Cliff's daughter, for God's sakes. She could have died even if she was hung over, left half-conscious in a storm. What was he thinking? James needs to get his head out of his ass, pronto.

I have to admit that I'm terrified for Charlie- you don't get THAT sick without there being something wrong. I hope that high fever didn't hurt her brain :( I know it's just a story, but I watch a whole lot of HOUSE on TV, so...)

I'm glad that they both have one another. I'm terrified about the hurricane. I live on a coastal city, so hurricanes are serious business to me. I can't believe it just swooped in. That's the scariest ones of all- when they are projected to get elsewhere and just turn overnight and fly in unexpected.

I can't wait to read more. Now I'll be thinking about this all day!
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Fade_To_Black
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Bad Seed
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Awww poor Charlie, im glad James is there to look after her, and i hope he doesnt leave her again!!!! Hope she turns out ok.

:nanner: Love love love it!!!!!
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Mina
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Morgenstern
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Such a thrilling chapter!
I'm goddamn worried about Charlie, but I'm so glad that James is there to look after her.

I really hope that things between them are going to be better, even if it's because of her illness.

I hope it's nothing too serious with her.


Can't wait for more! :heart: :heart: :heart:
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Metalicious
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Blackened
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I woke again to bright lights and clean white walls. The bed I was laying on was enormous, and I stretched slowly, relishing the fact that my limbs weren't aching anymore. Turning my face to the right, I saw Pepper sitting in a chair beside me, his head in his hands. As if sensing that I was awake, he looked up and smiled, relief washing over his face. "Hi," he whispered.

"Hi, sweetie," I blinked at the sound of my own voice, raspy and harsh.

He leaned forward so he was resting his arms on the side of the bed, stroking a hand over my face. "How're you feeling?"

I thought for a moment. The aching feeling had definitely subsided, and I could see clearly. "Pretty good. A little tired," I smiled. "And my throat feels like I've been eating broken glass. Other than that, yeah, good." Turning my head slightly, I saw tubes running into my arm, and a monitor attached to my finger. "Ooooh, I'm in the Matrix," I whispered, and he smiled. "Missed you, Keenan."

"Missed you too, baby girl. This seems to be becoming a habit of ours, you lying in a hospital bed while I wait for you to be okay," he said softly.

"I'm sorry." My voice came out somewhere between a whisper and a sob, and he shook his head.

"Don't be, baby. Doctors said you're gonna be fine. They've got the symptoms under control, and you're supposed to rest, which means the nurses are gonna kick my ass if they find you awake and talking to me," he smiled. "Maybe if I yell at them like James did, they'll let me stay."

"James is here?" I assumed he would have gone home, especially if I'd been in the hospital for three days already.

"Don't sound so surprised," Pep said. "When we finally got a boat out to your place we had to pry him off you. I've never seen him so frightened, Charlie. Mind you, with you lying there all pale and unconscious, can't say I blamed him. You gave us a pretty good scare."

"I'm sorry, Keenan. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to scare James, either. Poor guy, he was so great, Pep. I couldn't stop crying and being sick, and he was so nice about it. He took such good care of me. I still can't believe he stayed."

"Are you kidding me?" Pep smiled. "He was like Lenny with the bunny, I had to physically take you from him."

"Don't make me laugh!" I bit back the giggle that bubbled up. "My stomach is killing me."

"Okay, okay. I can be serious," he assured me. "So...seriously. Things seem like they're okay with James. Did you guys get a chance to talk things out? Or were you too busy with the crying and puking to do any talking? The doctors said you were probably pretty out of it with all the pain."

"We didn't really talk," I gave him a sad smile. "I wish we had, I had like a list and everything," I whined.

"Oh God," he buried his face in his hands. "Not one of your infamous pros and cons lists," he moaned.

"No, and stop making me laugh," I grinned. "I guess it was more of a list of explanations. Or excuses, depending on how you look at it. Like, 'sorry for sleeping with Lars, but you were busy staying married to Fran and trying to convince me I had feelings for your drummer'."

"And Sully?" Pep said quietly.

I looked down for a minute. "I'm not sorry," I said softly. "I made a promise, to somebody, that I wouldn't regret anything. And I feel awful for how things turned out with Lars, especially how much it hurt James. But with Sully... this is gonna sound so weird, Pep. But it's like I've known the guy for a thousand years, I swear. And as attractive as he is, it didn't really feel like it was sexual when we were together. Just... closeness. And I don't regret it. He was really good to me, and even though it didn't seem like it at the time, I think he helped me see things more clearly." I smiled as he raised an eyebrow. "Told you it was gonna sound weird."

"So... you feel like you've known him for a thousand years. And James?"

I sighed, and closed my eyes. "I feel like I'm gonna be in love with him for the next thousand years. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it. The man is impossible to get over. I have tried," I said wearily.

"But sweetheart, do you really want to get over him? Honestly?" Pep asked gently.

"No. I don't." I swallowed around the huge lump in my throat. "Honestly... if my fairy godmother suddenly appeared and said she'd grant me anything in the world, anything I wanted, I'd wish for James." I sniffled, and Pep handed me a tissue from the shelf next to the bed. "That sounds stupid. And selfish," I added. "But you told me to be honest."

He nodded, and patted my leg while I wiped at the tears on my face. "I'm gonna go tell the doctor you're awake, baby. In the meantime, why don't you talk to your fairy godmother. Cause he's been sleeping in that chair for the last three days and I think he might shoot me if I don't let him talk soon," Pep stood up and pointed to the other side of my bed.

My heart stopped. I turned my head to the left and saw James watching me with tired eyes, a small smile playing on his lips. "Hi," I whispered, scared to breathe.

"Hi." He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, resting an arm on the other side of me. "Good sleep?"

"Very. You've been in that chair for three days?"

"I've been on the cot behind the chair for three days," he replied.

I glanced over and saw a very sad little cot lying behind the chair. It didn't look long enough to accommodate me, let alone a man who stood over six feet. "That doesn't look particularly comfortable."

"It's not," he smiled.

"You didn't have to stay," I said softly, and then realized how ungrateful I sounded. "But I'm really glad you did."

"I promised I wouldn't leave you."

We both jumped as the door swung open and Pep came back in, followed by a woman in a white lab coat. "Hi, Charlie, I'm Dr. Gabriel. Nice to see you're awake. Finished catching up on your beauty sleep?" she smiled, flipping papers on the chart she held in her hand.

"All seventy-two hours of it," I smiled, sitting up a little. "I must look like a supermodel by now."

"Pepper said your throat was a little sore. You can suck on some ice, but try not to have too much at once, alright? Your stomach's still pretty weak." She stood by my bed, adjusting the tube that went into my arm, and removed the monitor on my finger. "We'll start you back on solid foods tomorrow. Nothing exciting, I'm afraid, just soup and smoothies, but it's a start." Pulling up the chair that Pepper had been sitting in before, she rested the chart on the bed. "We're treating you for Dengue Fever, Charlie. Are you familiar with that?"

I nodded slowly. "I thought it was only prevalent in more..." I searched for the politically correct term. "Southern countries. Africa, South America, even parts of Asia. I wasn't aware that the Dominican was a high-risk area."

"It's not. It's very rare here. You're our first case in over five years. The good news is that you're recovering very quickly, and we shouldn't have to keep you here much longer. I know these gentlemen are anxious to get you back home. You were given a fairly large dose of morphine when you arrived to help with the pain, and we lowered the dosage each subsequent day, but I'd like to keep you on it until you leave. The illness is also known as-"

"Breakbone Fever," I sighed. "Aptly named."

"You're very fortunate your friends got you to the hospital quickly, Charlie. The fever can be fatal in some cases. But you'll make a full recovery." She looked up at Pepper, and then over to James. "Gentlemen, as we discussed earlier, if you could give us a moment?"

I looked at Pep, confused. "We'll be right outside, baby girl. You just holler if you want us to come back in." He bent over to kiss my forehead before he and James left the room, closing the door behind them.

"Charlie, we ran some tests while you were unconscious. They're fairly routine, and we got clearance through Pepper, since he's got medical Power of Attorney. Your blood test results came back yesterday morning, and there's something I need to discuss with you."

The lump in my throat came back, as I immediately thought of Ray. "Is it... cancer?" I asked in a hushed voice.

She shook her head. "No. We got your medical history, so we did keep an eye out for that, but it's nothing like that, Charlie. You're two months pregnant."

My mouth fell open. "No. No, I'm...I'm really not. I can't be. I had the baby shot. In my butt? You know? With the...the needle? And the, um, the promise of no babies. So, I'm not pregnant." I took an ice chip and popped it in my mouth. "Anything else?"

"I'm aware you had the shot, Charlie," she said slowly. "And in over ninety-nine percent of cases, the shot is foolproof. You just happened to fall outside of that percentage." She waited for a moment as I took another ice chip, trying to process the information. "It's a lot to take in Charlie, I understand. And you still have time," she put a hand on my arm, "to decide what you want to do. You should know, James and Pepper are aware of the situation. Pepper because you've listed him as your representative should you be unable to communicate with medical staff, and James because, well, Pepper told him," she shot me a wry smile. "And I believe the two-month mark of the pregnancy dates James as the father."

I could barely fathom what she was saying. "I'm not supposed to be able to get pregnant." I held up a hand as she started to talk. "Not just because of the shot. Did Pep give you my full medical history?"

She nodded. "He did. I understand it would be a high-risk pregnancy. But there are precautions you can take, and there's no reason to think that you and the baby won't make it through the birth in good health. If that's what you want."

I stared down at the bedcovers. "And if it's not what I want?"

"Then we can arrange to terminate the pregnancy. It's your decision, Charlie. No one else's."

I sighed heavily. There was something else weighing on my decision. “I didn’t know I was pregnant until five seconds ago, so… I’ve been living my normal lifestyle. Drinking alcohol now and then, with a few nights of being seriously drunk, and I’ve smoked pot in the last few months too. If that’s going to affect the baby…”

“I understand. And it’s an added risk, but it’s still very early in the pregnancy. If you were to cut those things out, you’d greatly enhance the chances of having a totally healthy baby. There are tests your doctor can do in the second and third trimesters, and they’d be able to prepare you for any unforeseen circumstances.” She stood up. "Would you like me to let the boys back in?"

I nodded absently, still staring at the sheets. I heard the door open, and felt the bed depress on either side of me. I looked up to see Pep sitting on my right, and James on my left, both with anxious expressions on their faces. "I'm pregnant," I said to Pep. "Again."

"I know, sweetie. And we're gonna support you, whatever you decide." He lifted my hand and kissed it, keeping hold of it as he shifted on the bed.

I looked to James, and then back at Pep. "Could you give us a minute, Keenan?"

He looked surprised, but got off the bed and blew me a kiss. "I'll be back in a bit. And I'll bring Trish. She's been asking to see you, darlin'."

I gave a little wave as he went out the door, and then I turned back to James. "I'm keeping the baby. I didn't know it until I said it just now, but that's what I want. I just... I want you to know, I'm not doing this to get to you. To try and keep you in my life. I'm doing this because it feels right." I let out a huge breath and tried to organize my thoughts. "We can have a custody agreement drawn up, I have absolutely no objections to that. I would never try to keep you from your child, James. Not that you even have to be involved, I mean, if you don't want to... It's absolutely up to you. Just because you're the father doesn't mean that you automatically have to take responsibility. I can totally handle the finances, and you wouldn't even have to pay child support, or anything. But you'd be more than welcome to spend time with the baby, as much as you wanted. You've got so much experience as a parent already, I'm sure you'll be better with him - or her - than I will. You could probably sue me for custody and win," I pointed out, and then stopped. "Y-you wouldn't do that, would you?"

He was silent for a minute. "Are you finished?" he said quietly.

I nodded.

"Good. Have some ice, and stop making speeches." His words were softened by the smile on his face. "I would never sue you for custody. I think you'll make an amazing mother for our baby." He looked down at his hands and then back at me. "I'm not going anywhere. I wanna be as involved as possible. As much as you're comfortable with. Not just with the baby, Charlie." Sighing softly, he moved up on the bed, running a hand over my hair. "As much as you don't want me to think you're keeping the baby to make me stay, I don't want you to think I'm staying just because of the baby. I want to be with you. I knew that before I knew about the baby."

"James..."

He pressed a finger to my lips. "Maybe you could think about it for a bit before you decide how you feel?" he said gently. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk about this later.”

I nodded, feeling overwhelmed with too many emotions all at once. A knock at the door saved me from saying anything else. James glanced at me and I smiled. "Yeah, let 'em in."

He opened the door and Trish peeked around the corner. "It's just me," she smiled. "Pep went to get coffee."

"I'll go join him," James smiled, bending down to kiss the top of my head. "Café across the street?" he asked Trish as she sat beside me on the bed.

"That's the one." She waited until he'd closed the door before turning back to me. "That man? Is crazy in love with you. You should have seen him on the ride over here when we brought you in. Oh my God. It was so sweet. He kept talking to you even though you were unconscious. Actually, it was a little scary," she giggled. "Pep and I both wondered if he'd gone a little nutso from the stress. Thought we might find pages and pages of lyric sheets with 'all work and no play makes James a dull boy' on 'em," she grinned, and I couldn't help but laugh. "Ahh, darlin', I missed you. I figured Het was taking care of you, but it's still nice to have you back with us."

"I'm pregnant," I said quickly.

"Shut up."

"No, really."

"Shut UP!"

"No. Really."

"...holy shit."

We both stared at each other for a moment before she scooted up the bed and wrapped me in a hug.

Half an hour later, the guys returned with steaming styrofoam cups of coffee, and found the two of us stretched out on the bed, with Trish's head at my feet, where she was busy painting my toes. "Red. Very sexy," Pep smiled as he handed one of the cups to Trish.

James brought the other over to me. "It's decaf," he said as he put it on the tray attached to the bed. Catching me looking at him, he smiled. "I got a very stern lecture when I told the nurse I was bringing you coffee. She insisted that patients being treated for severe dehydration shouldn't have caffeine."

"Patients being treated for severe dehydration also need their rest," announced Dr. Gabriel, who had come in behind the boys. "You can all stay for a few more minutes, and then I think we should let Charlie have a nap."

"Noooo...I just slept for three days. I'm good. They can stay. Please?" I shot her my best puppy dog eyes and she stared me down.

"Sorry, Charlie. They can come back and see you tonight, though. I'll be in later to check on you again." She smiled and left the room, and Pep and Trish got up to leave as well.

I thought James was leaving me too until he hugged Trish and Pep. "See you guys in a bit." He closed the door behind them, and came over to sit on the edge of the bed. "I can stay, or I can go. If I stay, I'm probably gonna read my book and then draw on you with that marker over there while you sleep. If I go, I'm probably gonna read my book in the waiting room, and annoy the hell outta the nurses by asking over and over when I can come back in and wake you up, and there's a good chance they'll ask me to leave."

"Then I guess you'd better stay," I smiled, pleased that he didn’t want to go.

He tucked the blankets around me, and kissed my forehead before settling into the chair on the other side of the bed. I caught his eye and shot him a questioning look when I saw he was reading Harry Potter. "Cali's already finished it," he explained. "She's been begging me to read it for weeks, so I figured I'd borrow your copy. That okay?"

"Yeah. James?" He looked up again. "You can sit up here if you want. It might be more comfortable than the chair. And it's definitely more comfortable than that cot."

"I don't wanna keep you up," he frowned.

"You won't." I moved over to the right, so he'd have plenty of room, and waited while he got comfy. Sliding down the bed, I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head. I felt James hand gently stroking my hair, and turned my head towards him, not wanting him to stop.

"Sleep, Charlie," he said softly. "I'm not going anywhere."

When I woke a couple of hours later, James was asleep on his side, his hand resting on my stomach. I rubbed my eyes and yawned, looking up as the door opened and Dr. Gabriel came in. "Hi," I said quietly, not wanting to wake James.

"Evening. You had a nice, long rest. It's just after seven. Your friends were here around six, they said they'd come back in a bit. Looks like he's pretty worn out too," she nodded to James. She took my temperature, my blood pressure, and made some notes on my chart. "You've made a lot of progress, Charlie, it's great. Have you had a chance to think about the pregnancy?"

I nodded. "I'm keeping the baby."

She smiled. "Good. You seem pretty confident with that decision. I'll give you some literature when you leave, and you can discuss everything with your doctor when you get home. Did you have anything you wanted to ask right now?"

I thought for a second. I had dozens of questions, but most of them could probably wait until I was back home. "Um... how big is the baby? Right now? It’s barely been two months, right? So the baby’s… how big?” I shifted up on the bed and James' arm slid around my waist protectively.

"Well, you're about eight weeks along, so the baby's got legs and arms, and even elbows. And teeth," she smiled. "He, or she, is a little over half an inch long, and weighs about a gram. About the size of a pinto bean. Pretty tiny, huh?" Flipping the papers down on her chart, she tapped it with her pen. "I've told Pepper you'll be able to travel tomorrow. I’ll come in to check on you in the morning, and you should be cleared to leave around noon. Try to get a good sleep tonight. The nurses can give you something to help knock you out if you need it. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she smiled.

"Thank you.” I placed a hand on my belly as she closed the door. All of a sudden I felt terrified. I didn’t regret my decision, I still wanted this baby, but the magnitude of my choice was starting to hit me. I was going to be a mom. And if things didn’t work out with James, I’d be all by myself. Trying to slow my breathing, I swore under my breath as I felt tears slide down my cheeks.

I felt James stirring next to me, and he sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Charlie? Sweetie? Are you alright? Do you need me to get the doctor?”

“No, I’m fine,” I attempted a smile as he put an arm around me, kissing the top of my head.

“Do you want me to go find Pepper?” he asked quietly.

“Would you mind?” I wiped at my eyes again.

“Course not. I’ll send him in.” He slid off the bed and smiled. “I’ll see ya later.”

Nodding, I sank back onto the pillows and willed myself to stop crying. I was still working on it when Pepper knocked on the door five minutes later. “Hey, baby girl. James said you were a little stressed. Everything alright?” He came over and sat on the edge of the bed, taking my hand in his.

“Yeah,” I managed a watery smile. “Just had a little panic attack, I think. I’m okay. The doctor said I can leave tomorrow.”

“I know! Awesome, eh? You must be excited to go home. James is taking you on the jet. He’s had it waiting at the airport since the storm ended.”

“Are you and Trish gonna take off for you honeymoon finally?” I said, feeling much calmer with every passing second that Pep was in the room.

“Not yet. We’re gonna head to my house for a couple days, and then fly back to see you and move her stuff out of her place, and then do some house-hunting in the Bay area, and THEN we’ll be going on the honeymoon.”

“House-hunting in the Bay area?” I repeated, confused. “Are you selling your house in New Orleans?”

“Nope. But if my best friends are living in San Francisco, and my wife,” he grinned at the word, “is from San Francisco, it kinda makes sense for us to get a place there. So if you hear of anywhere you think might suit, lemme know, alright?” He laughed as I yanked him into a hug. “Thought you might be happy about that.”

“Thrilled!” I squealed.

He stood up, bending over to kiss me lightly. “I’m taking James with us back to the hotel tonight, doll. I think Trish finally managed to convince him that he needs a decent sleep, and that you’ll survive the night even if he’s not on that wretched cot beside you. But we’ll be back first thing in the morning, okay?”

“Okay. Love you, Keenan.”

“You too, darlin’.” Ruffling my hair gently, he smiled and flicked the overhead lights off as he left.

I slid under the sheets, amazed at how I was getting sleepy again, and nodded off easily.



Dr. Gabriel woke me at eleven the next morning and cleared me for travel. Trish dropped by with clean clothes for the flight home, and I said goodbye to her and Pepper before James and I headed to the airport.

We touched down on a private runway at SFO International, and once we’d cleared customs, James and I headed back to my house in the truck he’d arranged to have left at the airport. We pulled up in my driveway several minutes later and James carried our bags inside. There was a huge stack of mail on the table by the front door, and the smell of freshly baked cookies pervaded the house. I glanced at James. “Maybe I got burgled by the Pillsbury Dough Boy?” I shrugged.

A note on the counter solved the mystery. Mrs. D. had come over to freshen up before we arrived, bless her heart, and had baked a few dozen of her special chocolate chip cookies. They were in a tupperware container on the table. “You’ve got awesome neighbors,” James smiled. “Want me to run over and get the dogs?”

“Yeah, that’d be great. Thank you.”

I watched him head out the back door, admiring the way his butt looked in the faded jeans he was wearing, and then mentally smacked myself. We needed to talk, and sort things out. And THEN I would be free to admire his ass.

Half an hour later, I heard the dogs tearing through the house, and Duke suddenly appeared at the door of my room, tail wagging furiously. “Hi baby,” I cooed, kneeling on the floor to hug and pet him. He did his little growl and whine combo when I scratched his belly, and I looked up to see James standing in the hallway with Fire beside him.

“I had tea,” he smiled. “And then she challenged me to a game of one on one. Did you know she kicks ass at basketball? She moves really fast for an old girl,” he grinned.

“I know,” I chuckled. “She beats me every damn time. Thanks for getting the dogs.” I stood up again, letting Fire lick my hand. “Did you, um, maybe wanna stay for dinner? There’s no food in the house, but I was gonna order in an hour or so.” I bit my lip as he looked down at the floor. “No pressure,” I forced a smile.

He looked up again. “It’s just… I should go unpack and I have a few calls to make, stuff like that.”

“Cool, no worries. Just thought I’d offer.” Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, I chanted. If I was going to burst into tears every time James had somewhere else to be, this was going to be a very long seven months.

He nodded. “I’ll go feed these guys. Mrs. D. said she hadn’t given them dinner yet.”

I turned back to the pile of clothes on my bed and continued sorting, tossing most of the items in the laundry basket. I wondered how long I’d have before I got too big to wear them.

“Charlie?” I whirled around at the sound of James’ voice, and put a hand over my heart. “Sorry,” he smiled. “Didn’t mean to scare you. I, um, changed my mind.”

I blinked at him, confused. “You’re… not gonna feed the dogs?”

Taking two long strides, he stood in front of me. “No, not that. I’d like to stay for dinner. If that’s still alright with you. And maybe a movie? Not Jaws,” he said quickly, backing away a little, and I laughed. “Why don’t you finish unpacking and then take a bubble bath or something, relax a little. I can order the food and hang out with the dogs.”

I fought the urge to ask him why he’d decided to stay. “Thanks, that’d be really nice. There’s a pile of take-out menus in the drawer by the fridge, order whatever you like. If you wanna make any of those calls from here, you’re welcome to use the phone in the library.”

He nodded and bent swiftly to kiss my cheek. “I’ll let you know when the food gets here.”

Watching him leave, I found myself staring at his ass again. “Dammit,” I muttered. Running the hot water in the tub, I added a hefty amount of bubble bath and set out a huge fluffy towel and some body oil for when I got out. I was fine with my body changing and growing to accommodate the baby, but I’d be damned if I wasn’t gonna fight the stretch marks. I lit a handful of candles and put John Lee Hooker on the cd player, and sank into the water until I was up to my neck. “Sooooo much better,” I sighed.

Climbing reluctantly out of the tub when the cd ended, I dried off and then wrapped the towel around my waist, slathering the oil over my breasts and belly. “Charlie…” James called from downstairs. Rewrapping the towel so I was fully covered, I went to the top of the stairs. “Food’s here,” he smiled. “And I picked ‘The Dead Pool’, but we can change that if you want.”

“Sounds good. I’ll be down in a minute.” Closing the bedroom door, I pulled on a pair of navy silk pajama pants and a white tank top. “Little bit of lip gloss never hurt a girl,” I told myself, and dabbed on a cherry flavor one.

James was seated at one end of the couch with both dogs at his feet when I reached the living room. He’d ordered an enormous amount of food from Papa Joe’s, and I curled up beside him, snagging a potato skin from one of the plates and dipping it in the little bowl of sour cream James held out to me. “S’good to see you eating again,” he smiled.

“It’s good to BE eating again,” I assured him, polishing off the potato skin in three bites.

Clearing the food away to the kitchen when we’d both declared how full we were, he settled back on the couch and draped an arm around me. “This okay?” he asked quietly.

“Uh huh.”

We went without speaking for a few minutes, both content to watch the movie, and then James piped up again. “You smell good.”

“…thanks.”

“What is it?” he persisted, leaning over slightly to sniff me, and I shifted away from him on the couch.

“Depends,” I shrugged.

“On what?” he laughed.

“Well, if you smell vanilla, it’s my body oil, and if you smell cherries, it’s my lip gloss.”

“You’re wearing lip gloss?” he sounded surprised, and I could practically hear him grinning. Shooting him a sideways glance, I nodded.

”My lips were dry from the flight,” I said slowly, narrowing my eyes as he kept smiling.

“Uh huh,” he said, sounding like he didn’t believe me at all.

“You look infuriatingly smug,” I said, trying not to smile.

“And you look absolutely adorable,” he countered, still grinning, and I felt the all too familiar stomach flip. The phone rang, startling us both, but we kept eye contact. “You gonna get that?” he raised one eyebrow at me.

“Think I’ll let the machine pick up.”

The machine did pick up, and I froze as Sully’s voice came on the line. “Hey, girl. Talked to Lars yesterday and he mentioned you’d be getting back tonight.”



I shot off the couch and ran for the phone, desperate to pick it up before he said anything else. Two strong arms caught me around the waist and James held me against him, pinning my arms to my side. “Take it easy,” he murmured as I kept struggling.

“Anyway,” Sully continued. “Just wanted to make sure you got in okay, but I’ll give you a shout another time. Take care, doll.” The phone clicked and I went limp in James’ arms, terrified that he’d storm out.

I stared down at the floor, taking shaky breaths as James gently rubbed my stomach. “I didn’t ask him to call,” I said sadly. “I swear. I haven’t talked to him since I left Boston, and I wasn’t going to…” I swallowed hard, “to call him, even to say hi, until you and I had talked. James, please… please don’t be angry. I swear there’s nothing…” I wiped quickly at my eyes with the heel of my hand, still breathing erratically.

“Charlie, calm down,” he said softly. “It’s fine, sweetie.” Holding me tighter, he kept one arm around my waist while the other stroked over my hair. “Sully’s your friend,” he murmured. “I get that. I don’t have any right to tell you who to talk to, no matter what your history with him might be. Did you wanna call him back? I can pause the movie.”

I shook my head, taking deep breaths until my heart rate slowed. I was so confused. A month ago James had been shouting at me in a museum for sleeping with Sully. Now he was offering to wait while I called the guy for a chat? “I don’t understand,” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“I trust you,” he said, as if that explained everything. “Do you understand that?”

No. “Not really.”

He sighed. “We’ve talked about this.”

“Um, no, we haven’t. But we really should.”

He was silent for a moment. “We talked about it while you were asleep, Charlie.” Turning me around to face him, he walked backwards with me until he hit the arm of the couch, and sat down, pulling me onto his lap. “I’m sorry if that sounds sneaky, but at the time, it was the only way I was comfortable talking about it.”

“What did I say?” I was afraid of the answer.

“You said the thing in New York was because I was with Fran, and you were feeling vulnerable, and Boston was because you wanted to try to get over me as quickly as possible. So you went to the one person you knew would let you do that, no questions asked.”

“I used Sully,” I sighed, miserable at the thought.

“I think he’s okay with that,” James said softly, lifting my chin. “Cherries, huh?” He brushed his thumb over my lips and I nodded. “And where’s the vanilla?”

“Here,” I whispered, guiding his hand between my breasts and over my stomach.

“Maybe I’ll sample that later,” he murmured, bending his head to mine. I closed my eyes as his lips pressed against mine, his arms pulling me tighter against him. Feeling his tongue gently probing at my mouth, I parted my lips, whimpering as his tongue snaked inside to touch my own. Sliding one hand into his hair, I kissed him harder, wanting more. A growl erupted from his throat and he pulled back, panting. “I should go,” he said, his voice suddenly hoarse. “I don’t wanna rush you.”

I desperately wanted him to stay, but I didn’t want to push. He’d already stayed longer than he’d originally planned. “Okay. I’m glad you stayed for dinner.” I started to walk towards the door, and he gently took hold of my wrist.

“I need to ask you something.”

“Anything,” I said, a little too quickly, and he smiled.

“I’m renting a place out by Kirk’s at the moment. I gave Fran the ranch, so I was in the middle of house hunting before I took off for Pep’s and then the Dominican. So, I was wondering… and feel free to say no,” he added, looking a little anxious, “I was wondering how you’d feel about me staying here for a while. I’d kinda like to be around until you’re totally healthy again, and there’d be no pressure on you for anything, I could stay in one of the other rooms, and I’d help with meals and household stuff-”

“Yes,” I said simply. His mouth fell open and I smirked. “I like you, James. Is it really that shocking that I’d like to have you around more?”

“Guess not…” he said slowly.

“Still have that spare key?” I asked him.

“Yeah. Long as you haven’t changed the locks.”

“Nope. Still works. You’re more than welcome to stay with me as long as you like, James.” I took his hand. “I only have two house rules.”

He smiled a little, squeezing my hand. “And those would be…?”

“If one of us isn’t happy with some part of the arrangement, we talk about it. And I get a foot, belly or back massage every night.” I put a hand over my stomach. “That sounds really selfish, I know, but it’s for the baby,” I tried to look serious and he laughed, pulling me into a hug.

“I feel really good about this,” he murmured in my ear.

“Me too,” I sighed. “Backrubs every night, I’m psyched.”

Chuckling, he stepped back and picked up his bag. “Can I bring some stuff by tomorrow?”

“Yeah, anytime. If I’m not here, just let yourself in. I have a bunch of errands to run tomorrow, nothing stressful,” I added, seeing the worried look on his face, “but I’ll be home around seven at the latest. Not that you have to be here at seven,” I stammered. “You show up whenever you like.”

He bent down and kissed my forehead. “We’ll work it out. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He opened the door and glanced over his shoulder. “Night, Charlie.”

“Night, James.” I closed the door behind him and was about to turn off the porch light when there was a knock on the door. Opening it, I saw James leaning against the doorframe. “Forget something?”

“Yup.” He crouched down and lifted the hem of my tank top, placing a tender kiss on my stomach. “Night, baby,” he whispered. Standing up, he cupped the back of my head and kissed my forehead again. “See ya,” he winked.
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Wow, Dengue Fever sounds pretty heavy :blink: And she's pregnant? Damn :wacko:
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