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| To Live is to Die | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: March 5, 2008, 12:49 am (59,966 Views) | |
| Metalicious | May 15, 2008, 8:39 am Post #181 |
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-2 of 2-(see previous page for first part of update) (sorry about the weird spacing - copying and pasting the chapters into various formats for editing is playing havoc with the spacing!!) As per usual, the italics are flashbacks. ********************************************* “Hey, baby girl. Wake up, doll.” I felt the covers being drawn back and grabbed at them, remembering I was naked underneath. “Hi,” I sighed as Pep leaned down to kiss me hello. “Hi, sweetie. You still tired or are you ready to get up?” I shrugged, knowing I should get up, but feeling too lethargic to bother. “Dunno.” Moving so he was laying beside me on the bed, Pep slung an arm around my waist and pulled me against him. “Missing James?” Nodding, I burrowed into his chest. “I’m such a loser. It’s only for two days and I’m all sad about it.” I felt tears spring to my eyes and gave an exasperated sigh. Fucking hormones. He rubbed my back and slid down the bed so we were face to face. “I know what you need, baby. Let me take care of you?” I looked up, startled. “Pepper…” “Shhh. You know I’m right.” He brushed his lips over my forehead. “I’ll see you downstairs in five, okay?” I rolled over, unable to contain the giggle that bubbled up. The man knew me too damn well. I swished downstairs a few minutes later and Pepper greeted me at the foot of the stairs. He held out his hand and pulled me to him when I took it. “You look divine, dahling,” he exclaimed. Pressing one of the buttons on the remote he was holding, he bent his head to speak in my ear along with the song. “The moment I wake up…” I burst out laughing and he chuckled, continuing. “Before I put on my makeup…” He twirled me around the room, belting out the song with me, til we both drowned out the stereo. I finally collapsed against him on the couch, curling up in his lap. “Ahhh, much better,” I giggled as he turned the music down slightly. “I haven’t seen this one before,” he grinned at me, patting down the pouffy skirt of my pink ball gown. “Charity shop. For dressing up.” “Okay. So we had the dance party. Ready for stage two?” “Yes!” I clapped my hands and bounced into the kitchen. The dogs looked startled by the enormous dress, and I rustled the skirt at them, sending them racing into the living room. I pulled out two mugs from the dishwasher and Pepper grabbed the milk from the fridge. Dumping it into a saucepan, he turned the gas to medium and broke apart two large bars of dark chocolate. I watched, wide-eyed as broke apart a third. “You’re using ALL my good chocolate?” “Drastic measures, baby. Told you,” he winked as he moved past me to grab the canister of sugar. “I know what you need.” When the hot chocolate was ready, he ladled it into the mugs and grabbed the whipped cream from the fridge, throwing a few chocolate chips on top of that. “One sugar high for you,” he handed me a mug. “And one for me. And…MTV’s doing a special on Britney, which I am prepared to watch, as long as you swear never to tell anyone. Shall we?” “Love you baby,” I told him as he walked into the lounge. “I know,” he called over his shoulder. We watched the whole hour show on Britney, and Pepper applauded when it finally ended, clearly thankful it was over. I giggled and leaned back against the arm of the couch. “What’s next?” “You go change, and then we take some stuff to your new house,” he smiled. “I told James we’d try to get a lot of it done today. I’ll start packing the books in the living room, okay?” “Sounds good.” I got up and headed upstairs, turning around when I reached the first step. “Hey, thanks for being here this weekend.” Nodding, he took the mugs to the kitchen. “My pleasure, baby girl.” I quickly changed into jeans and a tee shirt, and grabbed one of James’ plaid shirts at the last minute, throwing it on overtop. It was one he’d worn recently and it smelled like him. Pep caught me sniffing the collar as he came upstairs. “Just making sure it’s clean,” I muttered. “Uh huh. And what should I do with this one?” he held up the shirt that James had ripped off me the night before. “I’ll take that. Thanks.” I tossed the shirt on my bed and hurried downstairs. I made a pile of books to give away to local second-hand shops, and Pepper put the rest in boxes. The dining room was next, and we wrapped and boxed all the china and family dishes and silverware. “Charlie, how come…?” I looked up to see him holding the bottle of chocolate syrup. “Oh. Um…that’s just, um, from, yeah. Dessert.” He raised an eyebrow. “What’d ya have?” I felt my cheeks get hot and stared at the floor. “Me,” I said softly. “Wow.” He dropped the bottle back in the ice bucket. “Okay. Let’s go. We’re taking the Beast, right?” He was quiet for the drive over to the house. I wasn’t allowed to carry anything, so I went to sit outside on the back deck. He came out after half an hour and sat beside me. “Thanks,” I said quietly. “Welcome. So, the chocolate syrup. You weren’t kidding with the frequency and intensity thing the other day at the doctor’s office, huh?” “Nope. Pep, if this is weird for you, we don’t have to talk about it.” He tilted his head to the side. “Why would this be weird for me?” “I dunno, it just seems like it is. You and me…it’s always been just that. You and me. There’s never been anyone else involved. Just the two of us. I guess I wanna know if you’re finding it hard to adjust.” “Are you?” I nodded, resting my chin on my knees. “A little. It’s strange for me to see you with someone. Even though it’s Trish, and you two are great together. I don’t know how to explain it…” He took one of my hands, lacing his fingers through mine. “She’s amazing,” he said softly. “And I don’t say that lightly. The woman is the love of my life. And I think James is the love of yours.” He turned me to face him. “But you’re my soul mate, baby girl. Nothing changes that. It doesn’t detract from what I feel for Trish, or what you have with James.” I leaned against him, sighing. “It’s just…you know so much stuff that James doesn’t. He doesn’t know that the best way to cheer me up is to make me put on a party dress and dance around the house.” Putting an arm around my shoulders, he kissed my temple. “He’ll learn, darlin’. Remember how long it took me to remember stuff? Like how much you loathe the color beige, or how you pretend to be all tomboyish but the minute somebody says ‘manicure’ you start jumping around the room clapping your hands. Or your secret love for Van Halen. Trust me, James knows all the important stuff.” I chuckled, standing up to relieve the pins and needles I was getting in my butt from sitting so long. “He does, huh?” “Trust me,” he repeated. We went back to the house and I reheated the chili I’d made the day before, while Pepper phoned Trish. “She says to give you a big hug, and tell you she misses you,” he reported when he came back into the kitchen. Taking the wooden spoon from my hand, he tasted a bit of the chili. “Awesome. But I think it needs a little something.” “No. No way. You’re not adding any seasonings to the chili.” He stepped back and shot me a grin. “Still doubting my cooking abilities, hmm?” “Oh, please. The first time I made chili for you? Remember that?” "Are you sure you don’t want me to help?” Pepper looked on as I chopped red and yellow peppers, spicy hot peppers and a ton of tomatoes while the meat browned. “Positive. You sit and relax, let me do this. God knows I’ll never be able to pay you back for everything you’ve done, Pep. The very least I can do is make you dinner now and then.” He put an arm around my shoulders, kissing my cheek. “You don’t have to pay me back. If it weren’t for me, none of this would-” “Pepper J Keenan, don’t you dare finish that sentence.” I pointed the wooden spoon at him. “And yes, I do need to pay you back, or at least contribute in some way. You’ve taken care of dinner for the last two weeks. And as much as I adore the fried chicken, pizza and burgers, I miss cooking. This is fun for me.” “Okay, but what are-” “Don’t touch those, baby,” I batted his hand away from the jalepenos. “You’ll hurt yourself.” “Spicy, hmm?” he looked at them curiously, and I nodded. “I like spicy. Mikey makes this killer marinade, it’s got serious kick. I could handle one of those little bitty green things.” “Pep?” “Yeah?” “I love you, sweetie. I don’t want you to injure yourself. Please promise me you won’t eat the peppers straight up. They need to be in the chili so they’re tempered by everything else, okay?” He looked at me for a minute and I assumed he was going to agree. “Oh ye of little faith,” he grinned, taking half a jalepeno and popping it into his mouth. Shaking my head, I went to the fridge and pulled out the carton of milk, handing it to him. “You’re gonna want this in about two seconds, darlin’.” His face turned a bright pink and he gasped, holding his throat. I watched as his eyes filled with tears. “Hot!” he managed to get out. “The milk, honey. Drink the milk.” I patted his back as he guzzled the entire litre in seconds. He took several deep breaths, making hilarious faces as he tried to get past the heat in his mouth. Finally he gave up and grabbed a second carton of milk, heading to the back porch. He came back in several minutes later, looking severely annoyed. “I did NOT enjoy that.” “Sorry, Pep,” I rubbed his arm, trying not to smile. “I’m gonna go change before Woody and Phil get here. Could you keep an eye on the pot? Make sure it doesn’t go crazy or boil over?” He nodded and turned away, muttering about the evils of ‘little bitty green things’. I came back downstairs several minutes later to find Woody and Phil nursing Coronas while Pepper stirred the pot. “Evenin’ Trouble,” Phil grinned at me. “Pep was just telling us about his adventure earlier.” “I think I burned all my taste buds off,” he complained, sticking his tongue out at me. “They’ll come back, sweetie. Everybody ready to eat?” We sat on the back porch, and I took a spoonful of chili, watching as Woody did the same. We both put our spoons down at the same time. He caught my eye and shot me a quizzical look. “Um…” I stole a look at Pepper, who was staring into his bowl, not saying anything. “Pepper, did you add some more spices to the chili while I was upstairs?” “Maybe.” “…nutmeg?” Woody said incredulously. “I like nutmeg,” Pep justified. “In chili?” Woody burst out laughing. Pepper stared down at the porch, looking completely embarrassed. “I was tryin’ to help. I just thought it’d make it not as hot.” Phil looked at me, and then at Pep. “I like it,” he declared. “Gives it a nice little, um, touch.” “It’s delicious,” I assured him. “Really, really good.” “You can hardly taste the nutmeg,” Woody added. “Really? I can get more,” Pep started to get up. “No!” the three of us shouted in unison. “But, um, maybe some more beer?” Phil added. “Definitely more beer,” Woody agreed. “I’ll get it,” Pepper headed inside. “Don’t add any nutmeg to the beer, please, buddy,” Phil called after him. “That was ages ago. I am an excellent cook, I’ll have you know,” Pepper said firmly. “I know, hon. But the chili’s all set. If you want anything extra, at least wait til I’ve got mine in a different bowl, hmm?” I grinned at him and dished out two big bowls of it, slicing some fresh bread to go with it. After dinner, we sat out by the fire pit for a while, until I got to sleepy to stay upright. “Doctor said you’d probably need more sleep, right? Let’s get you ready for bed.” I leaned against him as we walked into the house. “You gonna stay in with me tonight?” He shrugged. “If you want, sure. Lemme go call Trish to say goodnight, and I’ll meet you up there.” I changed into my navy pajama bottoms and a white tee shirt, slipping under the covers after finishing my increasingly lengthy nightly routine. Pepper came in a few minutes later in his boxers, and stretched out beside me, nudging my hip with his. “Quit takin’ up all the room, woman,” he grinned. “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot the when in the same bed as you, the division of space is eighty-twenty. Allow me to move over to one small corner of the bed,” I laughed, poking his chest. “So sarcastic! Night, baby girl,” he murmured, snuggling up behind me. “Night, Keenan.” I rolled over on my side, watching as he fell asleep right away. He’d always been able to do that. Mere seconds after bidding me goodnight, he’d be out like a light. I was so jealous of his ability to just figuratively snap his fingers and crash. He moved slightly and his hair fell across his face, and I smiled, remembering one of our early nights together. It was too hot to sleep. I’d dozed off in one of Pepper’s tee shirts and woken up with it sticking to my skin. Padding into the bathroom, I shrugged off the shirt and splashed my face with cold water, rubbing my hands over the back of my neck. “Ah, fuck it.” I bent and stuck my head under the tap, drenching my hair. Toweling off, I grabbed a clean shirt of Pep’s from the basket of folded clothes on the stairway and went back to the living room. He was still sleeping, limbs sprawled everywhere, taking up more than his half of the enormous bed. I got in beside him, watching his back rise and fall with each breath he took. He always slept that way, open and vulnerable, unlike the curled-up-tight position I’d taken to sleeping in since the rape. His face was obscured by his hair, and I pushed back the golden brown strands, smiling when they just fell forward again. He rolled over on his side, blinking sleepily at me. “Can’t sleep?” “Too hot.” He nodded and rubbed his eyes, yawning. “Could go outside for a bit, might be a breeze.” “Nah. S’fine. I’m sorry I woke you, sweetie. Go back to sleep.” I woke again a few hours later and saw he’d moved to the couch, and was tossing and turning. “Pep?” I whispered. “You okay?” “Fine.” “How come you’re way over there?” I got out of bed and went to sit beside him on the couch. “Did I hog the bed or something?” “No…I woke up and you were, um, all cuddled up to me.” I stared down at my hands. “Oh. Sorry, I…” “It doesn’t bother me, sweetheart. I was worried it would bother you. You know, if you woke up and were that close to me.” I didn’t say anything. I’d only just started accepting hugs without freaking out. Maybe he was right. Maybe it would scare me to wake up and find myself pressed against him. Or maybe it would be like the hugs, and I’d relax the more I got used to his touch. “Could we try it? Maybe if we fell asleep that way, I’d be alright. I know it’s really warm in here, but…” He got up, wordlessly, and led me back to the bed, crawling in on his side. Patting the other side, he waited til I was beside him before rolling me onto my side and curling up behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist. “You alright?” I nodded. “Good. Go to sleep, baby. I’m right here if you need me. Okay? You’re safe, honey.” I snuggled back against him, draping my arm over his, feeling safe and protected for the first time in weeks. “Charlie? Sweetie? You alright?” I blinked slowly, seeing Pepper’s concerned expression in the darkened room. “I’m fine. Go back to sleep, Pep.” He slid closer to me, putting an arm around my waist. “You’re crying. What’s wrong?” “Nothing,” I gave him a sad smile. “Just thinking. Remembering.” “Lotsa memories, hmm?” he smiled, brushing his fingers over my cheekbone. “I do that too, darlin’. It’s okay to think about it. We’ve been through a lot.” I sniffled, propping myself up on my elbow. “What ones do you think about?” “Little stuff. Breakthroughs we had. First time I hugged you without you screaming your head off. First time we talked about the rape, just the two of us with no therapists around. First time I got you to eat something without forcing it down your throat…” “Mmmm, maybe we should have banana milkshakes for breakfast,” I yawned. “Time to eat.” Pep’s voice roused me from my slumber, and I opened my eyes to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, watching me carefully. I rubbed my eyes, frowning at him. “I’m not hungry.” He gave me a sad smile and tapped his watch. “I know, darlin’, but we have a schedule to keep. Just eat a little, okay?” The therapist had told me I wouldn’t feel like eating and she’d been right. I’d lost my appetite entirely. Pepper’s solution to this was to make up a schedule of meals, and harass me into eating even a few bites, until he was satisfied that I wasn’t going to starve to death. “I ate this morning,” I continued to protest as I followed him into the kitchen. “You ate three bites of toast and a spoonful of peanut butter,” he said gently. “Sit.” He gestured to the wooden chair and I slumped down, immediately resting my head on my arms and closing my eyes. “No sleeping,” he said, sounding like he was in a cave. I looked up to see him bent over at the fridge. Pouring me a glass of water, he set it in front of me, sliding over a plate of cheese. I sipped at the water and watched as he made a ham sandwich. Slicing it in half, he put one of the halves on a small plate and held it out to me. “I’m not hungry,” I repeated. Sighing, he pulled out the chair across from me and sat, putting the sandwich between us. “You need to eat. I need you to eat. Please, baby girl, just a little bit? If you don’t want this then I’ll make you something else, but you gotta eat something.” I stared at the table and said nothing. “How about an apple?” “No.” “Bowl of cereal?” “No.” “Cheeseburger?” “No.” “Liver and onions?” “Ew. No.” He sighed, and reached across the table to take one of my hands in his. “I know you’re not hungry. I know this is hard for you. But sweetheart, if you don’t eat…” he pushed the plate with the sandwich on it closer to me. “If I can’t get you to eat, the doctors are gonna put you back on an IV. You’ll have to go back to the hospital, Charlie. I don’t want that. And I know damn well that you don’t want that. So would you please, please eat something?” I pulled my hand away and leaned back in my chair. “Banana milkshakes.” He blinked at me. “Pardon?” “Banana milkshakes. My mom used to make them for me when I was little. Could we…” I glanced over at his blender, and then back at him. “Could we try that?” Ten minutes later, the two of us were sitting on his back porch, sipping thick, sweet milkshakes from tall glasses. “Thank you,” I murmured, slipping my hand into his. He squeezed it and smiled. “Hell of a lot better than liver and onions.” “We went through a lot of bananas, eh?” he smiled at me. “You were very accommodating, putting up with such a picky eater.” “Yeah, it was worth it. You introduced me to a lot of new stuff, not just homemade milkshakes. To think, I’d never watched Days of Our Lives before I met you. The saga of Bo and Hope… God, that’s a horrid show.” I giggled, thinking of how he’d been glued to the TV every day at noon, just as anxious as I was to see what would happen next. “As I recall, you rather liked it. I’m just glad you were so obliging. Lord, the things I put you through…” “Charlie…no.” “Pepper, c’mon. Please? I promise you’ll like it.” “Absolutely not,” he shook his head, slowly backing away from me. “You’re not being fair,” I whined. “At least give it a shot? Just a few minutes? If you don’t like it, we can stop.” “Darlin’, you know I’d do anything for you, but this is pushing it. I’m really not comfortable with this. Isn’t there…something else? Anything else?” I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest. “No. You asked what I wanted and this is it. Not fair,” I mumbled, fighting the urge to stamp my foot. Heaving a sigh, he stepped towards me, tilting my head up to look at him. “Is this really what you want?” I nodded, still pouting. “Fine,” he rolled his eyes, fighting back a smile as I clapped my hands. I dragged him into the living room, pushing him down on the bed. Popping the DVD in, I got on the bed beside him, settling back against the pillows. “One word of this to Woody or Phil and I’ll never forgive you,” he muttered. “Shhh. It’s starting. You gotta pay attention cause the emperor starts talking right away.” “I thought you said this was about a llama.” “Shh!” I hissed at him. “It is, you’ll see. Wait…pause it, let’s make popcorn.” “You know what I remember most?” he said softly. “The morning you finally woke up.” I closed my eyes against the tears that threatened to fall. “Pep…” “I know, darlin’. It’s hard to think about. But you gotta understand what a relief it was to look over at you and finally see those beautiful green eyes staring back at me.” “Welcome back,” he said softly. He looked exhausted. His hair was a mess, he had several days of stubble and his shirt looked like he’d been sleeping in it for a week. “Do you remember what happened, sweetie?” I nodded slowly, wincing as pain lanced through my neck. “Hurts,” I whispered. “I know. I’m gonna go get the doctor, okay? I’ll be right back.” He got up and left the room, and I felt panic slide through me, leaving me cold and scared. “Pepper?” There was no answer and I said his name again. Several minutes went by and a doctor finally appeared. “Charlotte. Nice to have you back with us.” “Where’s Pepper?” “Your friend? We asked him to wait outside. He’s not being particularly cooperative, I’m afraid.” “I don’t want him to wait outside. I want him in here with me. Now.” “Charlotte, I’m sorry. I need to run through some checks with you, it’s really not appropriate for him to be here. It’s against hospital policy-” “NOW!” I screamed, tears streaming down my face. Shocked at my outburst, the doctor left the room, and Pepper came back in, looking furious. “Don’t leave me,” I whispered as he took my hand. “Please don’t leave me.” “I’m not goin’ anywhere. They know that now. It’s okay baby. Shh, it’s okay.” He stroked the back of my hand as a nurse came in and lifted my arm. “They’re gonna give you a sedative, sweetie. It’ll make you feel better, help you calm down.” “Don’t leave…” I repeated, over and over until the drugs kicked in and I couldn’t stay awake anymore. “That poor doctor. I didn’t realize you’d just yelled at him too.” “Dunno what he expected. He shoulda been tryin’ to make you as comfortable as possible and he was all worried about the fricken rules.” He folded the pillow under his head. “Think it was the ‘NOW!’ that really scared him though,” he smiled. “Specially since you weren’t supposed to be talking, let alone yelling. Bossy little thing, aren’t ya.” I nodded. “Yup.” I snuggled up beside him, squishing the duvet around my side so I was all tucked in. “But that’s not what I think of the most.” “Marry me.” I burst out laughing. “Excuse me?” He grinned at me and downed the rest of his beer. “You heard me. Marry me. Move to Louisiana and raise a dozen kids with me. We can live in the swamp. Real estate’s damn cheap down there,” he winked, making me laugh even harder. “You’re a riot, Pep. Want another beer?” I stood up to go to the bar and he grabbed my arm, pulling me down beside him. “Easy, tiger. I bruise like a peach, eh?” “I’m serious, Charlie. I know you said you don’t want the one-night stand. And I’m joking about marrying me, but…I liked what you said about us always being friends. I want that. I don’t want you to leave in a few days and then I never see you again.” I stared at him, wondering if he was drunker than I’d thought. His eyes stayed focused on mine, not wavering at all. “Okay,” I said softly, pulling him into a hug “You got it.” I kissed his cheek and ruffled his hair. “I’ll have the necklaces made up tomorrow.” “The what?” He leaned back, keeping his arms around me. “The necklaces. Lockets. You know? They say ‘BFF’ on half a heart, and the two halves match to make a…” I giggled at the glare he was giving me. “No? You don’t want the necklace?” “I don’t want the necklace.” “…Bracelets?” He sighed, dropping his head forward. “No…” “More beer?” “God, yes,” he laughed. I kissed the top of his head and went to the bar, returning to find that the waitress from earlier had plunked herself down in his lap again. He didn’t seem too thrilled about it, and continued talking to me as though she weren’t there. I finally got too tired to keep talking around her head, and stood up, taking my bag from the table. “I’m gonna head back, darlin’. See you tomorrow?” “Hey, wait. I’ll come with you, you shouldn’t go alone.” I tried not to smile at the indignant look the waitress shot him. “Don’t be silly. It’s not like it’s far. Have a good night.” I headed for the back door and waved to the bartender who’d been serving us all night. Turning around as I went through the door, I saw Pepper look up at the same time. I smiled and waved, wishing the stupid waitress would get off his lap so he could come with me. He waved back, giving me a tired smile, and I turned around, letting the door close behind me. He sighed. “Think we’ve done enough reminiscing for one night?” I nodded, rolling over to look at the clock. Almost midnight. My cell phone vibrated on the bedside table and Pepper passed it to me. “James,” I said, looking at the number. “I’m gonna take this downstairs.” I pushed back the duvet, hopping down to the floor. “Hey,” he called as I started to close the door behind me. “Love you, baby girl.” I smiled, walking back over to him to kiss the top of his head. “You too, sweetie. I still think we should get those necklaces though.” I closed the door to the sound of him laughing softly, and flipped open my phone. “Hello?” I could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke. “What are you wearing?” “Um…a red lacy teddy and a matching g-string.” He was silent for a minute and then growled down the phone at me. “You’d better not be if you’re sharing a bed with Pep.” I giggled and told him the truth. “Fine. Tee shirt and pajama bottoms.” He sighed. “Somehow, that sounds equally sexy.” I heard Lars’ voice in the background and James answered with a quick ‘yep’. “We’re on our way out to dinner with Cliff and Peter. I’m sorry I can’t talk longer. I’d call you back after but you’ll be sleeping. Least, I hope you’ll be sleeping.” “I will. I’ll see you tomorrow.” “’kay. Will you wear the red lacy teddy?” I laughed, smothering a yawn. “I don’t own a red lacy teddy.” “Well…maybe you will tomorrow when I get back.” “Ooh! Presents! Night, sweetie. Have fun at dinner.” “Night, baby. Hey…do me a favor?” I listened to his request and rolled my eyes, holding the phone to my stomach for a few seconds before speaking into it again. “Peanut can’t actually hear you yet, you know.” “You don’t know that. You’re just jealous cause I’m the first person to talk to the baby on the phone.” “Dork,” I giggled. “Night, Hetfield. Love you.” “Love you, too. See you tomorrow.” I closed the phone and went back in the bedroom to find Pepper taking up the entire bed. Getting in beside him, I gently pushed him sideways until I had enough room to lie down. He threw an arm over me, pulling me close. “Night, baby girl,” he mumbled. “Night, Pep. Sweet dreams.” I woke up the next morning to the delicious smell of bacon frying. I looked for my favorite WCC tee, and couldn’t find it. Throwing on a hoodie instead, I pulled on a pair of jeans and went downstairs to find Pep drinking coffee, making breakfast, reading a section of the paper and talking on the phone all at once. He handed me a mug and mouthed ‘decaf’ at me. I smiled and kissed his cheek, taking the coffee into the library. There wasn’t that much left in there after what Pep and I had moved the day before. The piano, my cello and guitars, and a few framed pictures on the wall, including the one Lars had given me of the boys back in the 80s. I stared up at Cliff’s face. “Haven’t seen you in a while, buddy. Hope you’ll come visit soon. Miss you.” “Darlin’?” I turned around to see Pep leaning against the doorframe, one eyebrow raised at me. “Yes?” He came over and stood beside me. “Are you talkin’ to a picture? Cause I told Het I’d keep an eye on you to make sure you were feeling alright. But he didn’t mention anything about your mental health.” I slid an arm around his waist, leaning against him. “I’m not crazy. Least, I don’t think I am. I…fuck. Will you come with me somewhere? There’s something I wanna show you.” He nodded, and twenty minutes later the two of us loaded the dogs into the truck and headed to the ranch. “This is awesome,” he said softly when we parked outside the house. “How many acres did you say this was?” “Seven,” I smiled, climbing down from the truck. I let the dogs out and they raced ahead of us to the house. Taking Pep’s hand, I led him through the front door and gave him a tour of the house. We reached the door to the attic and I walked up the stairs, half expecting to see Cliff when I came to the top. “God. This would make such a cool studio,” he said, gazing around. “Honey, this is amazing. You must be thrilled to have this house. You could totally turn it into like a retreat for when you guys wanna get out of the city for a bit, and you’d have all that space outside for the dogs, and the kids if James brings the little guys,” he turned around and smiled. “And your little guy. Or girl.” “Girl,” I said firmly. He walked around, tracing a finger over dusty tables, stopping when he came to the small window. “Is that a barn?” I followed him outside and both of us stopped when he opened the door. “Um…I kinda forgot this was here,” I said quietly. The barn was exactly as James and I had left it. “We came here the night before I left for Boston. James woke me up cause he had that message from Trish about you…” I trailed off and he pulled me into a hug. “Sorry baby,” he murmured, kissing the top of my head. “Didn’t mean to make you worry.” I shook my head quickly. “It’s fine, Pep. You’re okay now, that’s all that matters.” I looked around the barn, remembering going to sleep wondering about James’ divorce, thinking everything was finally going to be okay. And then waking up to a whole new problem. I hugged him tighter. “Love you.” He looked down at me, taking my face in his hands. “You okay?” I nodded, and he kissed the tip of my nose. “Little liar. What’s up?” “I just…bad memories. Hearing about you, and then having to go to the funeral, and then just jumping on a plane to get as far away from Het as I could…” I sighed against him. “Yeah.” I took his hand and led him inside, and we climbed up the ladder to the loft. “James said he and Cliff came here once. And then…see that tree? They scattered some of his ashes there.” Pep smiled and squeezed my hand. “Pretty cool, doll. Having his spirit so close by.” He looked at me curiously. “Is that why you talk to him? Cause you think maybe he’s around?” I nodded slowly. “I’ve seen him. Twice. Nobody knows except for you and James. I still think James might think I’m a little bit…ya know.” I made a circular motion with my finger next to my head and grinned. “But I’m pretty sure it’s him. He calls me ‘angel’,” I said softly. “As he should,” he smiled. “So what’s he got to say, then?” I shrugged. “He told me things would work out with James. And that Lars would forgive me for what happened…well, for everything. And that I shouldn’t have any regrets. That I’m strong. A survivor.” He leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on my forehead. “You are strong. And you’ve survived a lot. Sounds like Cliff has a pretty good handle on things from where he is.” He looked around the barn again. “So you’re gonna keep this place, then? Kinda cool to have a place where you can be close to him. I expect that’s why Ray wanted you to have it.” “Nah. I don’t think I’m gonna keep it.” He looked shocked. “Why not?” I moved over so I was beside him and rested my head on his shoulder. “Cause two of my best friends are looking for a house, and I just remembered I never got them a wedding gift.” Lifting my head to look at him, I raised an eyebrow. “Think they’d like it?” “Charlie…” “Pepper, I’m serious. It’s ridiculous for James and I to have a second house. You know Trish would love it here. It’s far enough from the city that it’ll be nice and quiet, but close enough that she can get to work easily, and there’s plenty of room for when Woody and the boys come to visit.” “But Jan-” “Will be thrilled. Don’t say yes if you really don’t want it. I totally understand wanting to find the perfect house. But if you guys would be happy here, then please, please take it.” He tilted my chin up, looking all serious and stern. “It’s too much.” “Fine. Buy it from me, then.” He narrowed his eyes at me, knowing full well what I was up to. “How much?” “One dollar.” “Charlie…” “Five dollars?” He got up and climbed down the ladder, shaking his head. “Ten dollars! Final offer!” “Fine!” he called when he reached the floor, waiting for me to climb down after him. “Are you sure about this?” I threw my arms around him, kissing his cheek. “Absofuckinlutely.” We spent the rest of the day hanging out at the ranch, walking back in the fields with the dogs, only heading back to my house when we realized it was getting late and neither of our phones were getting reception. Pepper warmed up some of the chicken soup I’d made while I crashed on the couch, flipping through an old Vogue. The sound of him singing along to ZZ Top in the kitchen was comforting enough to lull me into a light sleep, and I woke with a start as the front door opened. James appeared in the hallway, setting his bags down as I ran over and jumped on him. “Hi!” I grinned, wrapping my arms and legs around him. “How was your trip?” He laughed and carried me through to the lounge. “Good. Came back a little early. Lars is staying out there for a bit so I’m off the hook.” He waved at Pep. “Hey, buddy.” “S’up! Just in time for dinner.” James looked slightly worried. “Did you, um, cook?” Pepper shot me a look and banged a wooden spoon on the counter. “Does nobody have any fuckin’ faith in my cooking?” “He’s reheating my soup, don’t panic,” I said quietly, kissing James’ neck. “Smells good.” He shifted me around and sat with me on his lap. “How’re you? Everything go okay? You feel alright? Were you sick? I told Peanut not to give you any trouble…” He laid a hand on my stomach and kissed me. “Missed you two.” I leaned against him, burying my face in his neck. “I’m glad you’re back.” Both of us looked up as Pep appeared by the couch. “I should…I’m gonna take off. You guys probably wanna catch up and stuff. So I’m just gonna go.” I climbed off James and went over to hug Pep. “Don’t leave. Stay for dinner. And then call your wife and see if she wants to come over for dessert. I haven’t seen her in a while.” He shook his head and I heard the buzzing of his cell phone. Kissing the top of my head, he answered the phone and I felt his whole body tense up. “Yeah, speaking…she’s where? What happened?” He was silent for a few seconds and when he spoke again, his voice was unsteady. “Thank you. I’ll be right there.” Closing his phone, he rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Trish is at the hospital. Five car pile-up. Her car was at the bottom.” James was halfway out the door by the time Pep finished speaking, and the two of us followed him to the truck. I sat in the back with Pepper, trying to keep him calm. He stared out the window, holding on to my hand so tightly I thought he might break it. “It’s okay, Keenan. She’ll be fine,” I whispered. We made it to the hospital a few minutes later and I fell back as James looped an arm around Pepper’s shoulders, guiding him through the main doors. “Patricia McGinnis, please? She was admitted in the last hour, I think.” He drummed his fingers on the counter while the woman behind it flipped through her folder. “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t have anyone by that name. Are you sure she’s been admitted here?” He rested his head on his arms, shaking slightly. “Yes. Can you PLEASE check again. I know she’s here. Why isn’t she on your records? I got a call about twenty minutes ago. From THIS hospital. She was in the car accident, the multiple pile-up. The woman who called wasn’t sure how bad…” I moved to stand beside him, rubbing my hand over his back. The nurse looked up again, looking apologetic. “She’s not listed. And I’ve got everyone on here who came in during the last five hours.” Pep looked like he was torn between crying and screaming. “Ma’am…she’s here. I know she’s here. Just please…help me. Find. My. Wife.” The three of us turned as we all heard an unmistakable peal of laughter from the end of the hall, and Pepper took off down the corridor with James and I on his heels. The last door on the right was open, and Trish was sitting up in one of the beds, with a dozen medical staff crowded around her. “Hey, baby,” she grinned up at Pepper when she saw him. “I was just telling these guys about those hookers you met in Baton Rouge.” Registering the look on his face, she patted the blanket beside her. “C’mere. Hey, see you guys in a bit, yeah?” She waved to the nurses as they dispersed. Pepper sat on the side of the bed, stroking a hand over her hair. “You’re okay?” She nodded. “Yeah. Couple of bruises here and there, and I can’t say this hospital lighting does much for me, but that’s about it. They said I can go home tonight.” “Lady out front couldn’t find you on her list. Are you using fake names again? Cause staying at the Hyatt under Mrs. P. Ness is one thing, sweets, but if I have to fucking find you in a hospital, maybe you could use your own name in future.” “I did use my own name. Who’d you ask for, smart guy?” “You,” he sounded frustrated. “Patricia McGinnis.” “Uh huh.” She handed him the clipboard that was next to her bed. He looked at it and a huge smile lit up his face. “Patricia Keenan.” He wrapped his arms around her, kissing her softly. I couldn’t hear what he said after that, but she smiled and kissed him again. “Think they’ll be alright if we take off?” James said softly in my ear. “I doubt they’ll even notice we’re gone,” I smiled. We waved goodbye and headed out to the truck. I took his hand in mine and lifted it to my mouth to kiss his fingertips, sucking one of his fingers into my mouth. He shifted on the seat and shot me a look, prompting me to suck harder. Undoing my seatbelt, I slid across the bench seat and fastened the middle belt before he could say anything, resting my hand in his lap. “You’re breaking the speed limit, Hetfield,” I murmured, watching the speedometer. He sighed and the needle dropped back below the limit. “Can you blame me for being in a hurry to get home?” Cupping him through his jeans, I squeezed him gently, watching as he pressed back against the seat. “No. But how much would it suck to get pulled over right now? Hey…speaking of sucking…” “Don’t even think about it.” He sounded so serious that I moved my hand and sat up straight again, not saying anything else for the rest of the drive. He pulled into the driveway and killed the engine. I’d barely unbuckled my seatbelt when James hauled me onto his lap, kissing me hard. I opened my mouth in submission, sucking gently on his tongue as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He unbuttoned my jeans and worked his hand inside them, thrusting his fingers deep inside me. Pulling them out again he held them up to my mouth, watching intently while I licked his fingertips. Growling out a low, “Fuck!” he shoved me backwards across the seat, grinding against me. Raking my nails across the back of his neck, I arched under him, gasping with pleasure as his hand roamed under my shirt and gently pinched my nipple. Feeling my body tense, I moaned his name, crying out when he yanked my head back by my hair to suck on my neck. He slumped against me a few seconds later, panting heavily. I kissed his brow, stroking a hand over his hair until his breathing slowed. He sat up and kissed me softly. “We should go inside.” I followed him in, surprised when he took hold of my hand, heading straight for the bedroom. He sat me on the bed and lifted my hoodie off, smiling as he flipped the cap on the massage oil. Lying back against the pillows, I closed my eyes and sighed, relaxing into his touch. I opened them again a few minutes later when I felt his lips on my stomach. “Kissing Peanut hello?” He smiled. “And listening to your stomach growl. Want some soup? I can bring it up.” “Thanks, baby, that’d be great.” I watched him head downstairs. There was a loud thump in the hall as he tossed his bag up and I figured I’d unpack his stuff for him. I wasn’t sure what was clean and what was dirty, and he reappeared in the doorway as I was sniffing one of his shirts. “I was, um, helping.” Grinning, he set the bowl of soup by the bed and gestured for me to get back in. “Eat. I’ll unpack.” I sat cross-legged on the bed and ate, blowing on each spoonful first “It’s hot!” I laughed when he stared at me. “Don’t wanna burn my tongue, I might need it later,” I winked at him. He shook his head, smiling, and went back to unpacking the bag, lifting out the WCC tee shirt I’d been looking for that morning. “What’d you do, confuse my shirt with yours?” I raised an eyebrow as he tossed the shirt on the bed. “I was looking for that today.” He shrugged. “I took it to sleep with. It smells like you.” He was eyeing me as if I might laugh. “Okay. I just wondered, no worries.” I went back to eating the soup. He watched me for a minute, still looking uneasy. “You want me to wash it?” I choked slightly on my soup. “I don’t know. You said it smelled like me. Do I smell bad? Is it all eau de Charlie’s armpit?” “No,” he laughed. “It’s more like your perfume and that vanilla stuff.” He tossed the bag in the closet and sat on the edge of the bed, looking at the empty soup bowl. “For somebody eating really hot soup, you finished that pretty quickly.” “I’m eating for two,” I pouted, trying not to smile at the wry look he gave me. “One and a half?” He shook his head. “One and a third?” He shook his head again. “Fine. I’m eating for big, fat me! Happy? I’m gonna be the size of our new house by the time the ninth month rolls around. I’ll be rolling around too. Lord.” He took the bowl from me, placing it on the bedside table before pulling me into a hug. “I doubt that. Your stomach’s still flat.” “Yeah…just you wait, buddy. Give it another month or two and I’ll be waddling around like a hippo.” “Uh huh.” He unzipped my jeans, sliding them down my hips and pulling them off. Resting between my legs, he glanced up at me, tracing a finger over my lacy boy shorts. “These can’t be comfy to sleep in. Specially since they look a little damp,” he smiled, sliding a finger under the hem of them. “I better take ‘em off.” He gripped the waist of them and proceeded to literally tear them apart. I blinked at him, in shock. “That was like…my favorite pair.” The look on his face was priceless. “Shit, baby, I’m so sorry. I’ll get you some more, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” His eyes narrowed as I burst out laughing, and he spread my legs wide, effectively shutting me up. “God, James…please…” I gasped, tangling my hands in his hair. He managed to get his jeans off without moving his mouth off me, and waited until I’d collapsed back on the bed before he wrapped my legs around him, entering me slowly. “Love you,” I whispered, my face close to his. “No matter what?” I nodded, tilting my head up for a kiss. It wasn’t until later, when I was wrapped up snugly in his arms, drifting off to sleep, that I wondered what the hell he meant. ******************************************* I blinked twice, trying to adjust to the sunlight streaming into the room. James was bent over by the closet, finishing unpacking from his trip. I sat up, leaning against the pillows, admiring his naked back. And felt a small knot form in my stomach as I realized he wasn’t taking things out of his bag. He was putting things in. “What are you doing?” He glanced over his shoulder. “Packing.” “You’re going away again? Already?” I couldn’t believe he had another trip planned, not twenty-four hours after he’d returned from New York, and hadn’t bothered to tell me. “How was I gonna find out this time? Was Bob gonna call during breakfast and ask me what I thought of you jetting off to…where is it?” I saw the corners of his mouth twitch and he came to sit on the bed. “Montana.” “To Montana. Yeah. What the hell are you gonna do in Montana?” He shrugged. “Thought maybe I’d go on a couple hikes, maybe do some fishing, play some scrabble, make love to my beautiful girlfriend…” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Uh huh. And just how were you gonna do that last one? I haven’t been invited, and while you’re big, darlin’, you aren’t gonna reach all the way from Montana.” He pushed me back against the headboard, laying a trail of kisses down my neck. “I was gonna surprise you. But since you’re awake and interrogating me, I guess the cat’s outta the bag.” He rested his forehead against mine. “Wanna come to Montana with me?” “Guess so,” I said, not meeting his gaze. “You guess so?” He pulled back and made a face. “You GUESS so?” I didn’t even have time to move before he launched himself at me, pinning me down with one arm and tickling me with the other. “There are, like, a million women who would kill to spend a few days alone in that cabin with me, and you GUESS so?” I was laughing too hard to respond, and trying to wriggle out of his grasp. “Stop! STOP!” I finally gasped, and he relented. “Okay…okay. Fine,” I said slowly, trying to catch my breath. “Just lemme check my schedule and I’ll pencil you in.” And the tickling began again. Two hours later, we were seated in the private plane that James had chartered. “How come you don’t take the jet when you go away, like Lars does?” “Too big. The jet takes two pilots and a few cabin crew. And a lot more fuel.” “Ah yes. This is my second trip with you. Guess I gotta kick in for gas money this time, hmm?” “I’ll send ya the bill,” he smiled, dropping an arm around my shoulders as he started flipping through a magazine. We touched down a couple of hours later, and James’ friend with the Explorer greeted us warmly. We dropped him off at his place and continued on to the cabin, with me staring out the window the entire time, thrilled to see the leaves beginning to change. San Francisco didn’t have the incredible foliage that New England did, but Montana was a riot of color already. “This place is even more amazing in fall than in summer,” I commented as I hopped out of the truck. “Can we go for a hike after we unpack?” He set the bags down in the living room and turned to face me. “Actually…I kinda thought we could hold off on the hiking for a bit.” “Oh yeah?” I grinned, walking over to him and hooking a finger into his jeans. “And what do you suggest we do first.” He gently lifted my hand off him and laced his fingers through mine. “I was hoping we could talk. Really talk,” he said softly. “About everything.” I dropped my hand and backed away slowly, a dull ache starting in my stomach. “Why?” “Charlie, c’mon. You know we have to do it sometime. I just figured this is as good a place as any, if not better. It’s quiet, and it’s just the two of us. No interruptions. Worked before, didn’t it?” “Yeah,” I mumbled. “Worked so well that you and your fricken super sperm knocked me up.” I caught the look he gave me and held up my hands. “What? You ambushed me! You said we were coming here for hikes and fishing and sex. There was NO mention of lengthy, painful discussions. We did that last time. I wasn’t counting on a repeat.” He sighed and took the bags into the bedroom. “Yeah…might wanna keep mine out here. You’re not gonna wanna sleep in the same bed with me after we talk,” I muttered to myself. “What was that?” He poked his head out from the bedroom. “I…said…I really wanna go for a walk.” He came around behind me, hugging me and stroking a hand over my stomach. “It’s gonna be okay, Charlie. We just need to do this so we can get past all the shit that happened.” “I’m past it. I’m over it. I’m fine with it.” I turned around and linked my hands behind his back. “I don’t wanna do this. Things are really good with us right now. You’re asking me to willingly fuck everything up. Again.” “I’m asking you to trust me.” “I don’t trust you! You said you were bringing me here for fun stuff! You lied!” He bent his head and kissed me softly. “Trust me.” “Stop that.” “Stop what?” “Kissing me so you’ll get your way.” He grinned at me. “Works, doesn’t it?” I pushed him backwards and went into the bedroom to unpack. “Jackass.” “What was that?” I didn’t have to turn around to know he was smiling. “Nothing.” “Are you sure? Cause it sounded like you said ‘one, two, three’,” he said slowly. I turned to face him and he put on a serious face. “I called you a jackass. And if you’re gonna make me discuss the last three months with you, you should prepare yourself for more name-calling, and think of a few things you wanna call me. I’m just sayin’.” He nodded and turned around, shoulders slumped. “James?” I called. “Yeah.” He stuck his head back in. I held up three fingers successively and he smiled. “I know. Me too. I’m gonna make some decaf and start the fire.” I finished unpacking and pulled on one of his hoodies, exchanging my sneakers for my sheepskin slippers, and found James sitting by the fire, two mugs of coffee beside him. “Okay.” I picked up one of the mugs. “I’m ready,” I lied. He nodded, looking a little apprehensive himself. “I’m not really sure where to start.” I took a deep breath. “There’s a lot to cover. And since I don’t remember what we talked about while I was sleeping, or unconscious, at least, maybe we should start at the beginning.” “Why’d you go to New York?” “Because Lars asked me to? Because you were back with Fran? Because the men who raped me managed to get all the way to Oakland to beat the hell out of a waitress, and I wondered if I was next? D, all of the above?” “Charlie…” “Fine. Because I was sad, and lonely, and in need of a distraction. And Lars is one hell of a distraction.” “Is that why you slept with him?” I shook my head. “I slept with him because he’s attractive, and fun, and sweet. And I felt like I owed it to both of us to finish what we’d started before you and I took off to come here. And I slept with him because at the time, it felt like the right thing to do. And can I just point out for the record that I still don’t feel like this is any of your business?” “Duly noted,” he said softly. “Thanks for telling me anyway.” I stared at the floor, feeling angry and scared. “Next question?” |
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| Lucifer's Angel | May 15, 2008, 9:12 am Post #182 |
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Heavy Metal Seanchai
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Glad to see that Trish is all right And I hope James and Charlie don't start fighting again, I hate to see them fight. I grew up with my parents fighting a lot, and I hate that, I don't want to sound like an emo, but that's how I feel
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| Mina | May 15, 2008, 12:02 pm Post #183 |
Morgenstern
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I can just agree, there'd be nothing worse than James and Charlie fighting again. But I'm happy that everything's fine with Trish, fhew, you gave me quite a scare. Can't wait to read more
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| maisy blue | May 15, 2008, 3:52 pm Post #184 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Oh, shit. I want to see where this is going, this whole discussion with Charlie and James. I think her reasoning behind the thing with Lars was fine- it's not like James and Charlie were committed. I hate how some men think they can just bounce around because their marriage is in trouble. Either your married or you're not- it's not some temporary state!! You're married until you have either a legal sep or a divorce, in my opinion. These two chapters were intense. The sex- holy shit. HOLY SHIT! This fic is so my guilty pleasure. It makes me blush but it also makes me steamed up. The chocolate syrup stuff?!?! I'm glad Trish is okay but *someone* must have hexed Charlie with the evil eye or something because all this shit keeps happening to all the people she loves! I did think it was an awesome way to get Pep to go home and let James and Charlie, well... you know. *laugh* I also couldn't believe Pep forgot to look for PATRICIA KEENAN. I was literally yelling that at the screen as I read it. My husband called down from his office "what, huh?" a few times because I was so busy yelling at the story and he thought I was talking to him. Okay, now, I wanna know your background. You have me completely intrigued. Metalicious, who ARE you? I am guessing you are female based on our limited interaction. How old are you? Are you a professional writer? I am assuming you are not in the US, just based on the measurements (litres, kilos) but you write these people SO convincingly . Usually I can tell right away when international authors write "American" (I read a lot of Irish authors) but I'm always convinced you are American until the measurements come up. Give the girl a bone, here! Your very loyal (and very nosy) reader, Maisy |
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| Metalicious | May 16, 2008, 8:09 am Post #185 |
Blackened
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*blinks* We get to talk about ME? YAY! I am my own favourite subject. Heh. You're close - I'm Canadian. And I lived in London, England for five years, so that, combined with my Canuck heritage means I spell things like 'colour' and 'favour' with the 'u', and use litres and metres and kilos etc. I turned 30 two weeks ago. I work for my city's biggest law firm, as an assistant to quite possibly the most awesome lawyer ever, and am currently entertaining the idea of law school in the next couple of years. We'll see. My background is in editing, but law is just so damn fun! Not a professional writer at all, just somebody who does it for kicks. I've always written (as I suspect a lot of the fic writers on here may have) and stumbled onto the Chicks forum back in 2005. I lurked, read, started writing, and then started posting this story, amidst a flurry of excellent writers (if you've only ever belonged to this board, and haven't been over to the old board's fic section, I highly recommend it). I fell in love with Met when I was about 13, saw them in concert for the first time when I was 14, and then not again until I was 28, at Donnington. When I saw SKOM in the theatres, I was all "hey...who's the hottie with the long hair and the sweet Southern accent?" and so began my adoration of Pepper, quickly followed by being enamoured with all the boys in COC and Down. They're just so damn sweet and huggable and chatty and friendly and apparently I need a thesaurus, cause I'm out of words. I played rugby in high school, I've known people in the legal community, in one form or another, for years, and any other subjects - New York hotels, Boston apartment buildings - in the story that I wasn't familiar with, I just Googled or bullshitted. It's just fiction, right? I feel like it doesn't have to be too precise, although little details that are true make it more fun to write. I'm glad you enjoy the naughty scenes, LOL. They're fun to write, but I've tamed them down a little for this board. Changed some of the terminology etc. Charlie has a lot of my personality traits, as does Trish (who is named for my closest friend), but both are completely fictional. Pepper is only very loosely based on the actual guy, since I've only met him a handful of times, and have no idea if he'd ever do or say half the things I have his character do. And James is written purely as I wanted his character to be. I cannot imagine the real Hetfield being quite so nasty as I've made him, or ever being unfaithful to Fran, after they've both worked so hard to make their relationship work. They renewed their vows during the making of SKOM. I hardly think he'd throw that away for some little chicky, related to Cliff or not. But as I said - fiction. There's a law that says we can write famous people however we like without being sued. I'm a big fan of that law. Anything else?? |
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| Metalicious | May 19, 2008, 6:21 pm Post #186 |
Blackened
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He put a hand over mine. “Charlie…” “Please don’t drag this out, James.” Sighing, he bent forward and kissed me softly. “Love you.” I didn’t respond, choosing instead to stare into my coffee cup. He blew out a long breath and sat back against the base of the couch. “Why the threesome?” Jesus. Jump right in, much? “It just happened. I didn’t plan it.” “Did it just happen the one time? Lars mentioned something about a bar.” “Once in the bar. Once in the room,” I answered quietly. “But then you and Sully hooked up later? Is that right?” I nodded. “Yes.” “Did you plan that?” I blinked back tears, thinking about when I’d been sitting alone in the lobby, in the middle of the night. “No.” He put a hand over mine, squeezing gently. “Why are you crying?” Lars and I on the floor. Lars and I in bed. James’ phone call. Lars telling me he thought James was drunk, and then bolting from the room. Waking up alone to some strange woman kicking me out of the suite. “Bad memories.” I wiped my cheeks and sniffled, wanting to get this forced conversation over as soon as possible. “Keep going. I’m fine.” He went through everything methodically, from when I flew back to see Ray, to when I left again, heading to Sully’s instead of to Vancouver where Pep was. “I just don’t understand. You said you were going to Vancouver. You wound up in Boston. I don’t get it.” “I would have been in the way,” I explained. “Pep and Trish needed to be alone.” “And you weren’t in the way in Boston?” I laughed bitterly, remembering the way Sully had made room in his life for me for several weeks. “No. Not until…no.” I didn’t want to talk about the museum. I’d put it out of my mind, refusing to think about that night. “Charlie, we need to-” “No,” I whispered. “Please don’t. I don’t think I can. I’m not ready.” I stood up shakily, taking my mug over to the sink. He followed me, putting a hand on my shoulder, sighing when I shrugged it off. “I need a break, okay?” I moved past him and went into the bedroom, figuring a little nap would maybe lessen my chances of bursting into tears again when we talked more. Curling up on the side of the bed closest to the wall, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. I awoke to darkness. My slippers, jeans and hoodie had been removed and I was tucked under the blankets. Rolling over, I stretched out my arm, expecting to find James lying beside me, but his side of the bed was untouched. Fear coursed through me. I wondered if he’d left. If he’d given up after trying to talk to me, and just gone. Pulling on the single sock I could find in my bag, and a pink wool sweater, I stumbled out to the living room. “What the hell…” I whispered. I remembered James had mentioned during our first trip to the cabin, that the couch folded out to a bed. Apparently he’d been so upset about our little chat, that he didn’t want to sleep in the same bed as me anymore, because the couch was folded out and he was fast asleep on top of it, looking completely comfortable and peaceful. “Asshole!” I said loudly, stomping my bare foot on the cold floor. “Mmmph,” James murmured, shifting on the bed. “Fuck this,” I muttered, looking around for a pair of shoes. “Fucker brings me allllll the way out to Montana for a little fricken one on one therapy session of fricken TALKING, and then gets so damn worked up about it that he has to sleep in a different fuckin’ BED, in a different fuckin’ ROOM, and just assumes that’ll be FINE with me.” I stormed over to the doorway, shoving my feet into an old pair of rubber boots. Yanking one of James’ old hunting jackets off the homemade coat rack, I wrapped it around myself. “Fuckin’ punishing me for bein’ fuckin’ honest? I don’t THINK SO!” I yelled at him. James sat up slowly. “Baby…what are you…” “Don’t ‘baby’ me, you…you…AGH!” I threw open the door and slammed it behind me, immediately regretting the fact that I’d forgotten to take the keys to the truck. Fuck it. I wasn’t going back in. Couldn’t be that far to walk to the next house. Somebody there could give me a lift to civilization, where I could call Pepper, or Lars, or Kirk, or Jackson, or- “What the hell are you doing?” I whirled around to see James standing right behind me, in bare feet and boxers, rubbing his arms to keep warm. “Get back inside, James. It’s cold out. And I’m leaving.” “The hell you are.” He moved towards me and I stumbled backwards, tensing as his arms went around me. “Christ, woman…” he muttered. I pushed against his chest, trying to wriggle away from him. “Lemme go! I don’t wanna stay here anymore!” He narrowed his eyes at me in the darkness, and then picked me up easily, slinging me over his shoulder. “Scream all you like, sweetheart,” he chuckled when I started shouting obscenities at him. “Nearest neighbors are about six miles away.” Fuck. “FUCK!” I pounded my fists on his bare back, which only made his hold around me tighten. “Put me down!” He deposited me on the couch, and then turned around to slam the front door shut. Turning back to face me, he crossed his arms in front of him, cocking his head. “What the hell was that all about? You can’t just go for a midnight wander, Charlie. You could get lost, or hurt, or worse. You think it’s okay to just take off in the middle of the night? It’s not safe for your or the baby!” And all I heard was the word ‘baby’. “Stop it!” I screamed at him. “All you care about is this baby! You don’t care about me, or how I feel, or how this is all affecting me, you only care about how it affects the damn baby. It’s like I don’t even matter! I’m just the fucking holding tank!” He burst out laughing, about three seconds before I burst into tears. “Sweetie, I’m sorry,” he smiled. “But you’re being ridiculous. Of course I care about you.” “No, you don’t,” I mumbled. “You’re the woman I’m in love with,” he continued, moving towards me. “Holding tank,” I muttered. “And the mother of my child,” he said softly. “Holding tank!” I hissed at him. “And the most beautiful, sexy, adorable woman ever,” he finished, sitting beside me on the couch. “Holding…get off me!” I twisted my head away as he put his arms around me, kissing my neck. “James, for fuck’s sake, stop it.” “No,” he murmured, kissing the sensitive spot just below my left ear. I lost my train of thought briefly as I took in how good he smelled, and how much I liked the feeling of his body pressed up against mine. And then I remembered how pissed off I was. “Move, Hetfield. I don’t wanna be touched right now.” “Liar,” he chuckled, annoying me further. “Get off!” “Why?” He sat up, looking equally annoyed and amused. “So you can take off again?” “Stop making ME out to be the bad guy! You’re the one who was so pissed off at me that you had to sleep out here! You wanna sleep alone? Fucking sleep alone! I’m going home!” I made a move for the door and found myself pinned against the wall, both arms being held above my head. James looked at me for a minute, and opened his mouth to speak, before moving back slightly, taking in my attire. “What are you wearing?” he grinned. I tried to knee him in the groin and he blocked me with his hip. “Seriously. You were gonna run away…in this? A sweater and your panties and a pair of rubber boots?” He looked down again. “And one sock?” Moving his head forward to nuzzle my neck, he laughed softly against my skin. “Aww, darlin’. I had no idea you were so desperate to get away.” This time he wasn’t expecting my knee, and I missed my target, but got him in the stomach, causing him to double over in pain. “Jackass,” I muttered. Turning for the door, I got yanked backwards by the hood of the jacket, and he slid it down my arms, tossing it to the floor. “You’re NOT leaving,” he reiterated, wrapping an arm around my waist. Hoisting me off the floor, he pulled off the boots and pinned me against the wall again, shoving one of his legs between mine. “Are we clear?” he said through gritted teeth. “Stop telling me what to do, Hetfield.” “Then stop acting like a damned child.” I opened my mouth to shout at him and found my mouth otherwise occupied as he kissed me fiercely, pressing his whole body against mine. One of his hands held both of mine above my head, while the other moved between us, sliding under my sweater. I arched under his touch momentarily, before starting to struggle again. Trying to get away from his kisses, I shook my head, accidentally banging it against the wall. Wincing, I glanced up at James, who was looking at me like I was a lunatic. Wrapping one arm around my waist, he half carried, half dragged me into the bedroom. I shot off the bed as soon as he put me down, only to be hauled back by the hem of my sweater, which he promptly removed. I swung my arm out to smack his chest, and wound up connecting with his jaw. Seconds later, he had me flat on my back, unable to move under the weight of him. “Playing dirty, huh?” he grinned wickedly. “Fine.” Yanking my hair back, he sucked hard at my neck, long enough that I knew he was leaving a mark. “Yeah, keep wriggling around, baby, that’ll make me stop,” he laughed, infuriating me further. He continued biting me, down my neck to my breasts, biting my nipple hard enough to make me scream. “Son of a bitch!” I bit his lip when he kissed me again, sucking it into my mouth and tasting blood. Raking my nails over his back, I moaned when he moved his hand between us, rubbing me through the flimsy material. “Still want me to stop?” he panted, lifting his mouth from mine briefly. “Yes,” I hissed at him. “I hate everything you’re doing.” He thrust two fingers inside of me, hard, and shot me a wicked smile when I bucked my hips. “Yeah. I can tell.” Sliding his fingers in and out of me rapidly, he covered my mouth with his again, swallowing my cries as I tried to scream his name. I felt him move off me for a moment, before resting between my legs again, having removed his boxers. He looked at me, eyes searching mine for any sign that I actually didn’t want him to continue. I didn’t feel like submitting, but I certainly didn’t want him to stop. “Losing your nerve?” I smirked at him. Holding me against him, he rolled over, hands gripping my hips as he pushed me down onto his cock. “Fuck me,” he snarled. “Fuck me til you come.” I did as he said, leaning forward to dig my nails into his shoulders. He pulled me down for a violent kiss, his hands holding my head immobile. “Harder,” I whispered when he pulled away. Drawing up his legs behind me, he pushed me backwards, rubbing me with his fingers as he slammed into me repeatedly. I bit my lip, letting my head fall back, and cried out in protest as he lifted me off him, only to pull me forwards, positioning me over his face. Sucking my flesh into his mouth, his hands gripped my hips, holding me steady while he worked me with his tongue. Moving me off him again when I’d gone limp, he pulled me close, stroking a hand over my hair. “You okay?” I nodded, wiping away tears. “Are you gonna go back to the couch now?” “No. I just stayed out there cause you seemed so upset. I thought you might want your space. I’ll stay in here with you, okay?” He kissed my cheek softly. “Don’t cry, Charlie.” “Can’t help it,” I sniffled. “Scared.” “Of what?” “Talking. Telling you…everything.” He kissed my forehead and wrapped the blankets around us. “I shouldn’t have pushed,” he said quietly. “I should have waited until you were ready…” I snuggled up to his chest, needing to feel closer. He went quiet for a few minutes, rubbing my back slowly. Kissing him just above the tattoo of Cali’s name, I took a deep breath. “The thing with Lars and Sully…I didn’t plan it. But I was glad it happened. When I slept with you the first time, it was like exorcising a demon. Like a hurdle I had to get over. I’d been so scared, for so long, to trust somebody like that. So, when the opportunity presented itself, with those two, it was like another hurdle.” I rolled onto my back, and James moved lower, resting his head on my stomach as I kept talking. “I’d never been with two men before. The rape was the only experience I’d had where there was more than one guy…present. In the bar, with Lars and Sully, everything happened so slowly, so I wasn’t scared. And then when Sully came up to the room later, I wanted things to go further. I know it’s selfish, but I trusted both of them to help me get past that other hurdle.” He looked up at me, shaking his head. “Not selfish.” Kissing my stomach, he rested his head again, and I continued, hoping he wouldn’t freak out at what I said next. “I have to ask you a question. When you called Lars, the day before Ray died…he said you sounded drunk. That you were slurring your words.” He lifted his head, looking puzzled, and then smiled. “Cella. Clocked me in the knee with a wrench. I took a couple of what I thought were painkillers that were in the medicine cabinet. Turns out Fran has a stock of Valium. Didn’t help the pain much, but they made me pretty woozy.” Sliding up the bed, he brushed his lips over mine. “I’m sorry you were worried.” “I thought…I thought I’d made you so mad that you’d started drinking again. I don’t know if that’s really self-absorbed, or just silly.” He sighed, and shifted so he was lying on his side, facing me. “Neither. I was mad. At a lot of things. You being in New York with Lars was just one of them.” I slid an arm around his waist, pressing my face to his chest while he told me about all the shit that had gone down with Fran while I’d been in New York. His voice stayed low and calm as he described the way she’d shut him out entirely after the night I’d stayed over. Leaving the room whenever he entered, talking to the kids as if he wasn’t there, she started acting like he didn’t exist. The final straw, apparently, was when he came home from spending the afternoon with a friend, to find her kissing some stranger on the doorstep. Stranger to James, at least. Fran had been seeing him for almost a year. Divorce papers were served the next day. “I’m sorry, baby.” “I’m not,” he kissed the top of my head. “I’m very happy with the way things are now. You, me, Peanut…” He tilted my chin up, placing a sweet kiss on my lips. “Pretty fuckin’ sexy for a holding tank.” Resting his forehead against mine, he brushed his thumb over my cheek. “You know that’s not how I think of you, right? That I don’t just care about the baby?” “I know.” “And you know I just want you to be safe. To be careful. I don’t want this pregnancy to be any harder on you than it has to be. Even if that means I have to tie you to the bed to keep you from running away.” Nuzzling my neck, he ran his hand over my breasts. “I kinda like that idea, actually. My little holding tank.” “You’re gonna start calling me that now, aren’t ya,” I narrowed my eyes at him. “Probably,” he grinned. “You tired, baby?” “No. Can we keep talking?” “Yep. But we’re here for a few days, so if you get sleepy, we can continue tomorrow. What’d you wanna talk about next?” I thought for a minute. “Cliff.” He nodded. “Anything in particular?” “No. Just…talk.” Rolling onto his back, he pulled me against his side and ran his hand over my hair absently while he talked. About seeing Cliff play for the first time, in awe of his talent. About watching him just walk into a room, and command attention without trying. About spending the weekend at Jan and Ray’s, envious of the comfortable family atmosphere, but thrilled at how easily accepted he felt. “They took us all under their wing, from the beginning,” he said softly. “They did the same for Jason, when he joined.” I glanced up at him, smiling. “Wow. You gonna go down THAT road?” He chuckled, tucking my head against his shoulder again. “Not tonight.” He kept talking, tracing circles over my bare skin with his fingers. Telling about the first show they’d played together, and how perfect it felt, how they’d all been sure this was it, that they’d make it. And then the party after, where James had watched from the side of the room as Cliff walked through like he owned the place. “I just…man, I wanted to BE him. To be that confident, that sure of myself. It wasn’t…ego. It was just that he was so comfortable in his own skin. I really envied that. You have that,” he said softly. “I don’t know if you get it from him, or from your folks, or if it’s just you. But you have it.” I cocked an eyebrow at him. “Want it?” He laughed, pulling me on top of him. “Yes, please.” I leaned forward as I took him inside of me. “Love you.” “You too, tank,” he smiled. A very long time later, I curled up against his side, happy and relaxed. “I like it here.” “Good. Cause I’m bringing you back here when the baby’s born.” He kissed the top of my head. “The doctor said you probably shouldn’t fly after this month. Just to be on the safe side.” “You talked to my doctor?” “Yep. Had to clear you for the trip. She said it was fine.” He let out a long breath. “She also said not to stress you out. Guess I kinda dropped the ball on that one.” “I’m not stressed,” I assured him, hugging him tightly. “Not anymore.” “You sure? Cause we haven’t really covered…everything. The museum, the island…the future. There’s still a lot to talk about. Think you’re up for it.” “The future?” I tilted my head to the side, wondering what he had in mind. “Yeah. We still haven’t decided things like what to call the baby. If we want godparents, if you’re ever gonna let me burn those Bon Jovi albums…” “We’re calling the baby Peanut, we can discuss the godparents thing tomorrow, and… Bon Jovi is hot.” I shrieked with laughter as he pinned me down, tickling me. “Take it back, woman!” he shouted, showing no mercy until I finally screamed that I was kidding. Trying to catch my breath, I pushed him off me, still giggling. “Okay. Maybe ‘hot’ is the wrong word. Devastatingly handsome?” “Jesus Christ,” he muttered, pulling the blankets over us. “Sleep, woman. You’re obviously going insane.” “But you love me anyway?” “Damn straight.” He held me close, kissing my temple. “Night baby.” |
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| Mina | May 20, 2008, 9:55 am Post #187 |
Morgenstern
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Great chapter, as always ![]() Can't wait for more
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| Lucifer's Angel | May 20, 2008, 10:17 am Post #188 |
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Heavy Metal Seanchai
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Whoa, that was so sexy and hot They got some chemistry, don't they?
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| maisy blue | May 20, 2008, 4:37 pm Post #189 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Metalicious, First of all- Happy Belated Birthday! I'm just a couple of years older than you, and for some reason I felt like we were similar in age. I think it's the way you have your characters approach certain situations. Thank you so much for indulging me with some of personal information. I *really* appreciate it. I don't know why I am so nosy about you, but after poking around on your profile and finding nothing, and not finding any other topics you started, I was desperate for details! I only found this board in December, so I was super interested in the writer that showed up out of nowhere and posted this amazing story that so many seem to have known and loved in the past. Any time you want to blabber about yourself, please feel free. Your writing is so great, I'll pretty much read anything you have to say. Grocery lists, to-do lists, vents, etc. And I'd also love to read the fiction BEFORE you edited it/toned it down for the board. Seriously. You've got me completely curious now. It would probably burn a sizzling little black hole on my screen ![]() This last chapter was amazing. I'm glad that Charlie and James are pounding things out. They are both so stubborn and set in their ways, but they somehow manage to soften one another. If they can get past some of this weird tension they still have going, I think they could really have a great relationship. The sex?! HOLY CRAP. I have to admit, as much as I don't mind power play stuff at all, I was concerned for Charlie when James sort of dragged her into the bedroom. Hot as hell, but I was so worried that she might have a flashback to her rape. It seems like she completely trusts James, though, which makes me really happy for her. I think if something like this happened to Charlie when the story first started, she would have completely shut down. Thank you so much for writing this amazing story and sharing it with us. I'm fully invested. (Damn you!! )
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| Metalicious | May 21, 2008, 8:22 am Post #190 |
Blackened
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Thanks for the lovely comments! So, we're coming to the part of the story (almost) where I'd left off, on the other board. Meaning we're almost done! YAY! ....sort of. Heh. I contemplated writing out the events of the months between the previous chapter and this one, but y'all know how much I adore flashbacks, so... yeah. Italics all over the place. Four months would be a lot of writing! Instead, I've got Charlie remembering a lot of stuff that happened after the trip to the cabin. Hope it all makes sense! Maisy - thanks for your awesome reply - I'll run out of story soon, so I'll have to start posting something else!! I thought about posting the prequel to this (sadly, there's no Metallica in it!) but maybe I'll just throw a few shopping lists up instead. Alrighty. Back to Charlie. ------------------------------------------------ Four months after the trip to the cabin... ------------------------------------------------ I rolled over and stretched lazily, smiling as I saw the note James had left on the pillow in his chicken scratch writing. “Morning baby (and peanut), Am already late for work. Was watching you sleep again. Gotta stop doing that. Will call you this afternoon to see what new ridiculous food combinations you want for dinner. Love you both. J” The man knew me too well. Five seconds into my day and I was already thinking about the peanut butter and cucumber sandwich I wanted to have at lunch. I rubbed my stomach, still grinning to myself. “Morning, little dude. You must have slept pretty well last night, I didn’t wake up once! Think we should shower before breakfast? Kick twice for yes.” There was no answering tap from inside my belly and I giggled. “Good plan. Food is far more important than cleanliness.” I pulled on a pair of shorts and one of James’ sleeveless WCC tees, tying my hair back as I went downstairs. Taking my lemon tea into the library, I blew kisses at the dogs and got through the entire front section of the paper before I remembered I was supposed to call Pepper. He answered on the first ring. “You took long enough, woman. I’ve been waiting since 8 a.m.” “You could have called me,” I reminded him. “Not if I wanted to keep all my manly parts in tact. I had strict orders from your boy not to disturb you.” “Well, I’m up now,” I laughed. “You comin’ over?” “Be there in ten.” “Ten…what? Where are you?” He chuckled. “On the beach. I’m parked in your driveway, baby girl. See you soon.” Trish’s birthday was one week away, and Pepper had been working on a huge surprise for her, involving a reunion with a bunch of her family and friends she hadn’t seen in ages, including a bunch of her friends from school. He’d been doing all the organizing from our house, and the attic was filled with papers of schedules and flight times, as well as dozens of brochures from party planners and caterers. I was tidying up from breakfast when he came through the back door, kicking his boots off and immediately turning up the heat from where I’d set it to the bare minimum. “It’s January. You do know that, right?” I shrugged. “I’m hot.” “You’re crazy,” he muttered, kissing my temple. “But you’re adorably crazy, so it’s okay. I’m gonna make some coffee. Did we hear back from the people at the cake place?” “Yeah…no. Not yet. I can call them in a bit. I don’t think they open til ten.” He put down the mug he was holding and came over to me, putting both hands on my face. “You alright?” “Course,” I smiled. “Just overheating, as usual. I’m gonna make a few calls from the bedroom. You should take your stuff into the front room, the fire’s going.” I called the cake place at ten. Then I called the florists, the caterers, the car rental agency and British Airways. By noon, I had crossed off almost everything on the list Pepper and I had written. I went downstairs and found Pep snoozing in the wingback chair by the fire, both dogs curled up at his feet. “M’awake,” he muttered, eyelids fluttering. “Liar,” I smiled. “You want lunch?” “Yes, please. Wait…no. I’ll make it. Not supposed to let you do stuff like that.” “It’s roast beef sandwiches, honey. I think I can handle it.” I bent and kissed his forehead, ruffling his hair before I went out to the kitchen. “You still sleeping, baby?” I rubbed my belly absently as I pulled out the sandwich ingredients. “You’re missing Uncle Pepper’s visit. You know he loves when you kick his hand.” “No worries, baby girl,” Pep drawled behind me. “I gotta make four thousand more calls. I’ll be here all day, so the soccer star can kick me later. Ain’t that right, Peanut?” He put a hand on my stomach, taking the jar of mayonnaise from me. “Sit, darlin’. I’ll make lunch.” Once we’d finished eating, I let the dogs out and sat on the back deck in the sun for a while, wrapped up in a blanket on Pepper’s orders. It was incredibly sunny, but still pretty cold. Since I felt like I was baking in the house, the fresh air was a welcome change. “Phone call for you two,” Pepper appeared in the doorway, and handed me the portable, closing the door when I answered. “Hello?” “Afternoon. You guys having a good day so far?” I smiled, happy to hear James’ voice. “Hi, baby. We’re having a great day. Pepper’s been here since 9:30 or so, and now we’re hanging out on the deck, in the sunshine. It’s really nice. You should join us.” “Gimme an hour?” “Done.” “Okay. But don’t stay out there the whole time. It’s January, eh?” “So I’m told,” I laughed. “See you in a bit.” “Love you.” “You too.” I hung up, and patted my stomach gently. “Did you know you have the best papa in the whole world, little baby? He’s sweet, and funny, and kind, and loving, and hot… and it’s probably inappropriate for me to get into the hotness thing. Ew.” I went back inside, tossing the blanket on one of the chairs in the kitchen, and flicked the power switch on the stereo, waiting for Pepper to hear the music. A few seconds later, he walked in the room, rolling his eyes. “Again?” “I can’t help it! I’m addicted!” “Honey…I realize you’re pregnant. And I know that pregnant women get weird cravings, and do weird things, but… a man can only take so much Backstreet Boys before he has to go shoot himself. And I’m getting mighty close to the breaking point.” “It’s the baby’s favorite song!” He gasped, backing away. “You told James the baby’s favorite song was “Whiskey”! Ohh…you’re going to hell,” he grinned. “Shush. I had to say that. James would freak if he knew the baby liked a boy band!” Still laughing, he put a hand on my belly, waiting for the inevitable movement that meant the baby was boogying away. And neither of us felt anything. Pep gave me a little smile. “Quiet day?” “Yeah. Slept all morning and afternoon. Overtired from all the jumping around lately, I guess.” He nodded, still watching me carefully. “Nothing at all, huh?” I was silent for a minute. “No.” “I’m sure it’s no big deal…hang on.” He turned the music up and skipped forward a few songs, kneeling in front of me so he could sing to my stomach. “You are…my fire. My one…desire. Believe…when I say, that I want it that way.” Looking up at me, he shot me a grin. “Have I mentioned how embarrassed I am that I know the words?” I smiled, shaking my head. “Pitiful, Keenan. Woody would disown you.” I pulled him to his feet, hugging him tightly. Kissing the top of my head, he rubbed my back. “Still nothing?” I shook my head, burying my face in his chest. “No.” Sighing, he tilted my head up. “Get changed into something that doesn’t involve shorts. I’ll call James and have him meet us at the hospital. Hey,” he said softly, seeing tears well up in my eyes. “I’m sure everything is fine. Baby Het’s probably just hung-over from all that mint tea you had last night or something,” he smiled. I nodded, sniffling slightly as I went upstairs to change. There was snow on the ground, and as I searched for my mittens, I remembered the first snowfall we’d had in the new house. “Baby, Charlie, wake up.” James was shaking me gently, repeating my name over and over. “What? What is it? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” I sat up, rubbing my eyes. I saw the clock beside the bed read 3:19 a.m., and wondered what the hell he was doing awake at that hour. Awake, and dressed. Wordlessly, he held out a hoodie, and grabbed one of the blankets off the bed. I followed him downstairs, and he waited while I stepped into the boots he placed in front of me, before wrapping the blanket around my shoulders and opening the back door. I gasped when I saw what he’d brought me outside to see. A blanket of freshly fallen snow covered the ground, at least a few inches thick. There was a full moon, casting a silver glow over everything, and I looked up at James. “It snowed!” “Yeah. Good timing, eh?” he smiled. I’d been melancholy for the last few weeks, lamenting the fact that there would be a good three feet of snow in New England by Thanksgiving. California wasn’t exactly known for its snowdrifts. “You woke me up to show me the snow?” I whispered. “I wasn’t sure it’d last til morning. Didn’t want you to miss it.” I smiled, kissing the hand that was holding mine. “Thank you, baby.” He bent to kiss me, and I backed away slightly. “Did you know, James, that at university, I was the number one instigator of snowball fights?” I walked gingerly down the deck steps, not wanting to fall, and scooped up some of the fluffy snow. “This isn’t really the best kind for snowballs. You need stuff that’ll pack together better. But? It’ll do,” I grinned, and hurled the handful of snow at him. “Charlie…” he warned. “C’mon. Fight back!” He held up his hands, walking towards me slowly. “Hey, I’m a lover, not a fighter.” He got to within three feet of me, and suddenly bent to pick up some snow, grabbing me and stuffing it down the neck of my hoodie. “Ooooooooh,” he whispered in my ear while I squealed. “Is that cold, darlin’? I’m sorry.” “Liar,” I giggled, starting to shiver. He shoved the top off the hot tub. “Get in.” “I can’t. I’m not allowed.” “Just your legs. Sit on the edge.” He brushed the snow off the side, and stripped off his shorts and hoodie, getting into the tub. “Well, that’s just plain not fair,” I complained, relishing the sight of him all naked and wet. Sitting on part of the blanket, I wrapped the rest of it around my shoulders and dangled my legs in the water, up to my knees. He moved over so he was in front of me, and pulled the waist of my satin shorts down, kissing the bare skin there. “How about if I take these off? Would it be fair then?” “Maybe,” I pouted. He eased them off me, pulling me closer to him, and spread my legs wider, stroking me with his tongue. I felt overwhelmed with sensations – the hot water swirling around my legs, the cold deck under my hands, and James’ mouth working me into a frenzy. I rested back on my elbows and he lifted my hips, alternating licking and sucking until I was begging him for release. “Anything you want,” he shot me a wicked smile. I moaned, panting his name, and closed my eyes, arching my back. He bundled me into the blanket when I’d stopped chanting his name, and dried off, putting on a pair of sweats and a tee shirt before going back outside to cover the hot tub again. “Feel free to wake me up anytime you wanna do that again,” I said, snuggling up to him once we were back in bed. “That’s worth the 3 a.m. wake up call any day.” I dressed in jean overalls and a hoodie, and stepped into my boots while Pepper went out to start the truck. “You better wake up, Peanut,” I said to my stomach as I locked the door behind me. “You’ve got everybody all worried.” I joined Pep in the truck, pulling the seatbelt around my ever-expanding belly, grimacing as Pepper turned the heat up. Aiming the vents towards him, he patted my leg. “Relax. Everything will be fine. Tunes?” “Yeah, whatever you want.” He put on the Classic Chillout album I kept in the truck for long drives, and slowly backed out of the driveway. Keeping one hand on my leg, he swung out onto the main road. “Close your eyes, baby girl, and try to relax, okay? James is meeting us there. He said to remind you not to freak out, everything’s gonna be alright. And something about this making for an exciting entry in the diary.” Glancing over at me, he raised an eyebrow. “The mighty Hetfield apparently keeps a journal now, eh?” Turning back to watch the road, he shrugged. “Ah well, stranger things have happened.” I closed my eyes and leaned back against the headrest, smiling as I thought of the diary that was sitting in the top drawer of our bedside table. “I got you something.” I looked up, grinning at James. “Because we need MORE stuff?” I was sitting amidst a huge pile of gifts and wrapping paper, trying to tidy up from the baby shower Trish and Jan had thrown for us that afternoon. Surrounded by baby clothes, stuffed animals and piles of children’s books, I stretched out on the pillows by the fire, and held out my hand. “Gimme.” He laughed, settling onto the pillows beside me. “Gimme? How rude. I dunno if you deserve any more presents…” I turned onto my side, nuzzling his neck while I ran my hand over his chest. “Please, James? I’ll be good. Please can I have my present now?” Kissing me softly, he placed a small gift-wrapped parcel on my lap. “Happy Baby Day.” Wriggling with anticipation, I cuddled against his side and tore the wrapping open, revealing a soft leather book. I flipped through the pages, and James turned to the first page, showing me where he’d written a paragraph, entitled “Dear Peanut”. “James…this is awesome. Can I read it?” “Yeah. I thought we could both write stuff in it, and then keep it for the baby when he or she gets older. I thought about doing a video one instead, but I kinda like the idea of writing stuff down.” I hugged him tightly, thrilled that he’d come up with such a lovely idea, and turned my attention back to the first page. “Dear Peanut, Your mama and I went to the doctor’s yesterday to find out how you’re doing. You’re certainly keeping your ma busy, making her go to the bathroom every five minutes, and helping her belly get bigger – though I think the bacon sandwiches have a hand in that as well. When you’re old enough to talk, I’m sure she’ll tell you that she was as big as a tank when she carried you around. She wasn’t. I’m looking at her right now as she sleeps, and she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Granted, she’s snoring loud enough to wake the dead, but that’s beside the point. You’re still only tiny, but she sleeps with her hand on her stomach, like she’s protecting you, even though she knows that’s my job. We started a countdown to your birthday, since the doctor gave us a date today. Only six months and eighteen days left. We’re so excited to meet you. One, two, three, Papa.” “This is like the best gift ever,” I whispered. “And the baby’s gonna know what ‘one, two, three’ means?” He smiled a little, shrugging. “I just figured…when he gets older and we drop him off at school and stuff, it can be kinda embarrassing to have your folks yell “I love you”, so we could get around it with the counting thing.” “And you’ve…thought about this?” “Little bit,” he stared at his lap, looking slightly embarrassed. “Awww,” I giggled, leaning forward to plant kisses all over his face. “You’re the cutest!” He rolled his eyes, pulling me onto his lap. “Could we maybe come up with a different word than ‘cute’?” I thought for a minute. “…Adorable?” That earned me a slap on the butt, and he stood up, holding me against him while I struggled to get down. “That’s it. I’m taking you upstairs to punish you until you can come up with a more manly adjective.” Still giggling, I wrapped my legs around his waist. “No, we can’t. We have to clean up and start writing thank-you cards.” He stopped, shifting me in his arms. “Think of a word, then.” Grinning, I pressed my forehead against his. “Pretty.” A smile spread across his face. “Uh huh. Punishment.” “Pretty, pretty, pretty,” I mumbled into his neck as he carried me upstairs, laughing the whole way. “You okay, darlin’?” Pepper’s voice roused me from my thoughts. “Yeah. Just thinking. Are we almost there?” “Not far. Another ten minutes or so. How’s the little princess doing?” “Still not moving. God, Pep, what if…” “Stop that.” He squeezed my leg. “She’ll be just fine. So will you. Happy thoughts only, okay?” I nodded, blinking back tears. “Okay.” Lars yanked the door open, pulling me into a hug. “Hey, sweetheart! I’m so glad you came by today!” Letting go of me, he led me through the entrance of HQ, and into the kitchen. “Tea?” I nodded, watching as he switched the kettle on and got out two mugs. “Is James around?” “Yup. Rehearsing. You know the way?” “Yeah. I’ll be right back. I just gotta show him something.” Lars tilted his head to the side and grinned. “Found out something important today, did you?” “Shhh! It’s supposed to be a surprise!” He held up his hands, laughing. “Fine. Go tell him, and then come back here. I’ll get Kirk and Rob, they’re dying to know, too.” Giddy with excitement, I walked quickly through the halls and opened the door to the control room. I could see James through the glass, his back to me. Bob was fiddling with some switches, and he looked up as I came in the room. “Hey, sweetie.” He got up to hug me, nodding towards James when he let go. “You want a couple minutes?” “Yes, please. I won’t be long. Can he hear me if I talk into the mic?” “Yup. Take your time.” He closed the door behind him, and I sat on one of the stools so I could reach the mic. “Hetfield!” He spun around, guitar in hand, walking towards the glass when he saw me, leaning into the microphone closest to the window. “Hey, pretty lady. This is a nice surprise. What’s up?” I took the piece of paper from my back pocked and unfolded it, pressing it up to the glass. “I stopped by the doctor’s office today. Brought you a picture. I know we discussed waiting to find out the sex of the baby, but…” “But you hate waiting,” he laughed, coming closer. Peering at the sonogram, he squinted, and then shook his head. “I can’t tell. Am I supposed to be able to see something?” “Nah, I couldn’t tell either. I had to ask.” He nodded, absently picking out notes on the guitar. “So…?” I let the piece of paper fall from my hands, watching as it floated down to the desk. “I don’t wanna tell you.” He blinked, backing away before remember to speak into the mic. “What?” “What if you’re disappointed?” He shook his head, giving me a wry smile. “Honey, unless you’ve somehow mated with another species, we’re either having a boy or a girl. Both of those options are great, and I’m gonna be thrilled no matter what you tell me.” “But what if-” I stopped speaking as he shook his head again, removing his headphones. “Don’t wanna hear it,” he grinned. Walking over to one of the side tables, he came back holding up a bright blue pick in his left hand, and a hot pink one in his right. I raised an eyebrow at the pink one and he laughed. “It’s Kirk’s.” Pointing to it, I smiled, and he shook his head. “No, really. It’s Kirk’s. Mine are all black.” I waited for him to realize why I was pointing at it, and he lowered his hands. Slowly placing his guitar on one of the stands, he walked up to the window, putting his hand close to the glass. One finger, then a second, then a third. Thinking I might have to break through the glass if I didn’t get to hug him soon, I raced out of the control room and nearly tripped over an amp cord before I reached him. “Easy, baby,” he laughed as I threw my arms around him. “Are you happy?” he asked softly, kissing my forehead. “Unbelievably so,” I assured him. “We’re gonna have a little, tiny ME!” “Oh my God,” he muttered, laughing when I kicked his shin lightly. A sharp rap on the glass partition made us both look up, and we saw Lars, Rob, Kirk and Bob in the control room. We couldn’t hear them, but I could see Lars’ lips moving while he waved his hands wildly, looking very impatient. “Think we should tell them?” I asked, leaning against James’ chest. “Guess so.” One arm stayed around my waist while he raised the other one, flashing the pink pick. I could read Lars’ lips as he said, “What the fuck is that, motherfucker”, and Kirk smacked his arm. James waved towards the hallway, and Lars nodded, ushering everybody out of the control room. “They look kinda excited,” I giggled. “Not as much as I am,” James murmured. “C’mon, they’ll be wanting to do a group hug or something.” I followed him into the kitchen and Lars handed me a mug of herbal tea, kissing my forehead. “Congratulations, sweetie.” Rob hugged me next before handing me off to Kirk, who was still looking at the sonogram picture. “Who would have thought?” he smiled. “A Hetfield-Burton baby. Cliff’s grandchild! That’s so cool!” “Cliff’s granddaughter,” Bob corrected, leaning down to kiss my cheek. I saw James look up, startled, and watched as he abruptly left the room. “Uh…” Lars shook his head. “He’s fine. Probably forgot to unplug his amp or something. Now c’mon, tell us everything the doctor said.” We sat around the table, chatting for several minutes, until I finally excused myself to go find James. I found him sitting in his private room upstairs, head in his hands. “James?” He looked up. “Hey…sorry. I Just needed a minute.” “S’okay. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I’ll see you back downstairs.” He shook his head, holding out his hand. Moving over to the couch, I went to sit beside him and he pulled me onto his lap, resting his hand on my stomach. “I just…I didn’t think about it. I didn’t realize.” Holding me tightly, he kissed the top of my head. “It just hit me when Kirk said it. Cliff’s grandchild.” “Granddaughter,” I smiled. He still looked stressed. “I’m sorry, baby. I don’t understand why this is so upsetting for you.” He tilted my head up, kissing me softly before pressing his forehead to mine. “It’s just…I lost Cliff. I nearly lost you. And this baby…I don’t know, I just…” He sighed, and I shifted around so I was facing him, straddling his legs. “You just what?” “It’s Cliff’s grandchild. It’s like… having part of him back again. YOU are like having part of him back again, but in a very, very different way. I just feel like, I don’t know, like I have to be an extra good father.” “James, you’re already an amazing father. It’s obvious to anyone who’s ever seen you with your kids. And you’re gonna be incredible with this baby, too.” I rested my head on his shoulder, tracing my fingertips over his face. “Can I tell you a secret?” “Yeah.” “I thought of a name.” He smiled, kissing my fingers. “Really. And what name would that be?” “…Clementine.” He waited a beat, and then shoved me backwards on the couch, pinning me down, and kissing my neck. “Woman! You never take the name thing seriously!” Laughing, he sat up, brushing the hair off my face. “You keep this up and we’re gonna have a daughter named after a citrus fruit. God.” “What? It’s brilliant! Clemmie for short…” He got up, walked over to the door and locked it, turning back to face me with a sly grin on his face. “Baby…you’re kinda scaring me with that smile…” “Take off your shirt.” “What? No! The guys are all downstairs!” I started to make a run for it and he hooked an arm around my waist, lifting me easily back onto the couch. “Take it off.” “James…” “Fine.” Holding my hips against the couch, he lifted my shirt slightly and started kissing my stomach. Higher and higher, until he let go of the shirt and all I could see was the shape of his head under it. I felt him laughing against my skin. “This is how your belly’s gonna look in about five months.” I swatted the back of his head. “Retard.” “Did you just call me a retard?” Pepper laughed. “No, sorry. Was just…reminiscing. How much longer?” “Five minutes. I’m pushin’ the speed limit as much as I dare. It’ll only slow us down if we get pulled over.” “I know. I don’t want you to speed. Speeding is bad.” “Says the woman in love with the guy who’s got the lead foot tattoo on his back,” he smiled, patting my knee. “Speaking of tattoos, we still have to get those matching ones you wanted. Although, maybe we can just get Het to draw it on with permanent marker, hmm?” I woke up to James’ voice speaking softly, and a tickling sensation on my belly. Stifling a yawn, I looked down and saw he was laying sideways on the bed, drawing on me with a sharpie. “Now…nobody’s saying you can’t cheer for another football team,” he said quietly. “Cause your mama likes the Packers. But that’s just cause she doesn’t know any better. Really, the Raiders are the best team going.” He cocked his head to the side, examining his work, and smiled. “We can go to a game as soon as you’re old enough. I figure, two, three months old. I’ve got season tickets, but you can just sit on my lap.” “Season tickets, hmm?” I grinned down at him. He shifted on the bed to kiss me. “Morning, baby.” “Morning. Trying to bring our child over to the dark side, I see. Shame on you, Hetfield.” “I just feel that Peanut needs to be fully informed before he makes a decision on football teams.” “SHE will be fully informed. Fully informed that the Packers are the best team EVER. Anyone else is just…” I shrugged. “Not good enough. Never mind that neither of our teams made it to the Superbowl. That’s just nonsense. Speaking of which, when do the guys arrive?” James had invited a bunch of his buddies over to watch the game, and I knew they were getting started early. “Noon. Plenty of time.” I looked down and saw the scary guy he had drawn on my belly. “That what you think Peanut’s gonna look like?” He laughed, pulling me close. “No. I just thought I’d put a face to the name.” “With a permanent marker?” “Mmhmm,” he murmured, kissing my neck. “James, that’s gonna take forever to wear off,” I protested, squirming under his touch. “Woman,” he lifted his head from where he’d been gently sucking on my earlobe. “Stop talking. I’m very busy trying to seduce you.” “Sorry,” I smiled, laying back against the pillows. Pepper swung into the lot of the hospital, barely taking the time to throw the truck in park before jumping out of the driver’s side and coming around to mine. “C’mon, darlin’. I bet James is already waiting inside.” Putting a hand on the small of my back, he guided me through the double glass doors, and escorted me to the front desk. “Charlie Tyler,” I told the woman waiting to take my name. “I don’t have an appointment. I was hoping I could get in to see Dr. Stewart if she has time.” “Have a seat,” she smiled. “I’ll page her and let her know you’re here.” I couldn’t sit still, and Pep held my hand while I paced the hallway. I heard the unmistakable sound of James’ bike outside, and started back towards the entranceway to meet him. Stepping around the corner, I ran smack into his chest, bursting into tears as his arms went around me. “Hey…shhh, darlin’. Everything’s gonna be fine. I’m here. Take it easy, baby.” He stroked hand over my hair and gave Pepper a one armed hug at the same time. “Thanks for bringing her here, man.” The woman from reception came up with a clipboard of forms, and I reached for them, only to have Pepper take them away. “I’ll do these, baby girl. You just try to relax.” I nodded, leaning against James. “M’scared,” I mumbled. “Don’t be scared, baby. We’ll get you two checked out, and everything’ll be fine.” Walking me over to one of the couches near Pepper, he eased me into it and sat at the far end of it, lifting my feet into his lap. Sliding one of my boots off, he gently massaged my foot. “Thank you.” I gave him a weak smile. “My pleasure. Nice socks.” I smiled more easily this time. The socks were light pink with a black ninja star embroidered on the ankle. He’d had them specially made for me at Christmas. “Thanks. Some really sexy rock star gave them to me.” “Wow. He must really like you.” I nodded, wiping my eyes. “So he says.” Leaning forward, he pulled me into his arms, kissing the tip of my nose. “Charlie?” We looked up to see Dr. Stewart looking slightly anxious. “Hi. Thanks for seeing me.” “No trouble at all. Let’s get you into one of the exam rooms and we’ll see what’s going on. Hi, James. Pepper,” she waved at him. “Everybody coming in today?” “I’m gonna wait out here,” Pep said quietly. “You let me know what’s up soon as you find out, okay, buddy?” “You bet.” James hugged him again and then followed us down the hallway. Dr. Stewart led us into a bright, white room, with paintings of lilies on the wall. “Okay. Up on the table, you. I’ll get your file and James, why don’t you try to help Charlie relax. I’ll be right back.” He watched as she closed the door behind her, and then started unbuttoning my overalls. “James!” He smiled, pressing a kiss to my stomach. “Sorry. She said to relax you!” “I doubt that’s what she meant.” He took a seat in one of the chairs near my head while I stretched out on the padded table, and took hold of my hand, kissing my fingers. “Still too swollen?” I nodded, showing him the necklace I was wearing. “I’m keeping it on the chain instead.” “Looks just as pretty on you there.” Kissing my palm, he held it between his hands. “Remember the night I gave it to you?” “How could I forget? Most important day of the year.” Smiling, he rolled his eyes. “The only woman I know who thinks her birthday should be a national holiday.” “Honey, are you sure I don’t need to dress up?” Taking a deep breath, James shook his head. “For the seventeenth time, no. All Pep said was that he and Trish wanted to have us over for dinner. They finally got everything unpacked, and Trish has been dying to have a dinner party since they moved in. We’re fine to go as we are. And we’re gonna be late if you don’t hurry up.” I sighed, looking through my closet again. “Nothing fits right. All my old clothes are too tight, and the new stuff that we bought is still too big.” I leaned against the wall, skimming a hand over my favorite jeans. “Stupid belly. Making me all fat.” “You’re not fat!” he hollered from the hallway. “I am so! I can’t fit into any of my jeans! That? Means I’m fat. So there!” He appeared in front of me, hands on his hips. “Charlie…we don’t have time for this, baby.” “What, time for me to be fat? We better MAKE time, pal, cause I’m only gonna get bigger. Just wait. You’ll wake up one day and be all “who put an elephant in my bed?” and then you’ll realize that it’s not an elephant, it’s just me. Bein’ fat.” Pulling his cell phone from his back pocket, he hit the speed dial and waited for someone to pick up. “We’re gonna be late.” Hanging up, he tossed the phone on the bed, and walked me over to the full length mirror. Yanking my tee shirt off, he unzipped the little kilt I was wearing, and stood behind me while I squirmed, uncomfortable looking at my slightly fuller figure. “You. Are. Not. Fat,” he said slowly. “Look at yourself. Beautiful face. Gorgeous long legs. Slim, strong arms,” he continued, sliding his hands down my shoulders. “Breasts that make me wanna cancel dinner and stay in just ravishing you all night,” he added, kissing my neck. “And an adorable little belly, that’s only getting bigger because our baby’s in there.” He clasped his hands over my stomach, and I leaned my head back against his chest. “You really have no idea how sexy you are to me right now, do you?” I giggled, feeling his groin pressing against my back. “I kinda have an idea.” “Really?” he murmured, sliding his hands up to cup my breasts. “Cause I don’t think you do. I think I should probably show you. Just in case.” I turned to face him, unbuttoning his jeans before dropping to my knees. Pulling his jeans and boxers down to his ankles, I took him in my mouth quickly, licking and sucking while he fisted his hands in my hair. I started to go faster, only to have him back away, pointing to the bed. “You realize we’ll be late for dinner,” I grinned. “Fuck dinner.” I lay back against the pillows and slid my thong down my hips, spreading my legs once he’d joined me on the bed. Pulling me forward, he reached behind me to unclasp my bra so I was completely naked. “So beautiful,” he said again, sliding inside me. “And delicious,” he smiled, licking a path from my mouth to my breasts. “Love you, Tink.” I laughed. “Tink? What happened to ‘Tank’?” “I’m not encouraging this whole “I’m fat” myth. You’re not a holding tank. Nor are you as big as a tank. You’re little. Like Tinkerbell. Suits you better.” I sighed with happiness, holding him close against my body. “Love you, too.” Several minutes later, we were both fully dressed. James had rummaged through my closet and dug out a pair of faded jeans I hadn’t worn in ages, and they fit perfectly. Paired with a black sweater and flat black biker boots, I felt presentable. “Shit! What day is it?” he called from the bathroom. “Um…hang on.” I glanced at my daybook and nearly fell over when I saw it was the 20th. My birthday was the next day. How the hell had I not realized? And why the hell hadn’t anyone else said anything? The days had sort of started blurring together since I stopped working, but my birthday was my favorite day of the year! “It’s, um, it’s the 20th. Why?” “Just remembered I was supposed to call Jan on the 19th. She left a message on my phone a week ago. No idea what it’s about. Remind me to call her after dinner, okay?” “Okay.” I brushed my hair into a pony tail and put on my clear lip gloss. “Ready to go?” “You bet.” He kissed my cheek and jogged downstairs. “Meet you in the truck.” I locked the front door and climbed in the passenger’s side, putting Pep and Trish’s housewarming gift on the seat between us. I’d picked out the frame, and James had picked out the picture. It was one of the four of us that Jackson had taken at the barbecue at my house back in the beginning of summer. I didn’t even remember any point during the party when we’d all been in the same spot, but somehow Jackson had managed to snap it just when all four of us were laughing. Trish’s hand was on Pep’s shoulder, and James’ arm was around me. It was one of my favorite photos. We listened to the radio on the drive up, and I smiled when Godsmack came on. James laid a hand over mine, squeezing it gently. “Still haven’t talked to Sully yet?” “No. I actually left a message at his house the other week, but he hasn’t called me back yet.” Ever since our marathon chat at the cabin, James was fine with talking about Sully, and knew I’d been missing him lately. I wouldn’t be able to fly out east for Halloween, and after talking about it, we’d decided to ask him to come visit us instead, but I hadn’t managed to reach him. As we started up the lane to the ranch, I saw the headlights flash on something pink. A few yards further, and I saw something yellow. Oh shit. Balloons. “Um…are you sure Pepper didn’t say anything else about dinner?” “Nope. Why?” Because I think he’s throwing me a surprise birthday party. “No reason.” Shit, shit, shit. James would feel awful if he found out he’d forgotten my birthday, and Pep had remembered. “Honey…I think, um,” I lost my train of thought as we drove past a huge bundle of balloons, illuminated by the lights Pep had installed a couple weeks back. “You think what?” “Can you pull over for a second?” How was he not seeing the balloons? He did as I asked, killing the engine as we parked on the side of the lane. “You alright?” “Yeah,” I smiled. “I just wanted to tell you I love you.” He nodded, looking at me as if I might be slightly insane. “Okay…” “And no matter what happens, like if you forget important stuff, or if I forget things, or, um…” Shit. “Forget what?” Goddamn, I was bad at this. “I dunno. Like if I asked you to go to the store to get some things, and you forget to get one of them.” I shrugged. “Like if you forgot to get milk.” “Milk?” I rubbed a hand over my face. “I don’t know! It’s important! I need calcium! But I’d forgive you if you forgot it. No big deal.” “We…have milk,” he said slowly. “Several cartons, in fact. What are you talking about?” “I dunno,” I muttered. “Never mind.” Shaking his head, he started the truck again, and opened the glove compartment, knocking one of the cds out onto the floor. “Crap. Can you get that for me? Pep wants to borrow it.” I bent forward, ducking my head beneath the dashboard, feeling around for the case in the dark. The truck stopped, and I opened my door, letting the overhead light illuminate the space in front of my seat. I burst out laughing. “Pepper wants to borrow my Kelly Clarkson cd?” “Not really,” James said quietly. I looked over at him and then followed his gaze to where the entire field behind the ranch house was lit up. The whole space had been transformed with lanterns and fairy lights strung through all the trees and over the fencing. There was a huge bonfire going at one end, and I could see dozens of people around it. “Happy early birthday, baby.” I grinned at him. “You remembered?” “Yup.” “And…you organized all this?” “Yup.” “You’re awesome!” He slid across the seat, kissing me softly. “I know.” Unbuckling my seatbelt, he pushed my door open. “Ready to party?” I glanced back at the field, and then at him again. “Is there cake?” He laughed, nodding vigorously. “You have no idea.” I stepped down from the truck, and suddenly a huge spotlight fell on me. “Baby girl!” Pepper’s voice boomed out from a speaker. “Happy birthday! Almost!” A huge cheer went up from the crowd of people and I wondered who’d been invited. James took my hand, leading me over to where Pepper was standing on a makeshift stage. I screamed with delight as I saw Woody and Mike standing beside him, and they hopped down to hug me. “Hey, doll.” Woody swept me off the ground in a tight hug, and Mike did the same when Woody let go. “Gonna celebrate a little bit differently than last year, I take it?” I laughed, remembering the long weekend of drinking we’d had for my birthday at Pepper’s the year before. “Little bit, yeah. I’m so glad you guys are here!” I hugged him again for good measure, giddy with happiness. “Wait’ll you see who else is here,” he laughed. “Jimmy came out with us.” “Bower?” “The one and only. He’s over with Trish right now.” I didn’t think the grin on my face could get any bigger. I looked over to where Woody was pointing, and saw Trish standing with Jimmy, laughing uproariously. “Oh my God. There’s a recipe for trouble.” “Whatchu sayin’ ‘bout mah wife, darlin’?” Pep drawled behind me, and I spun around to hug him. “Hi, baby!” I kissed him fiercely, and then again when I saw James’ mock look of horror. Holding out my hand for him, I pulled him close and let go of Pep. “Was just saying that having Trish and Jimmy in the same vicinity is kinda asking for…shit to happen.” “I know,” he grinned. “Ain’t it great? We almost got arrested last night.” Shaking with laughter, I slid both arms around James and stood on tiptoes to kiss his neck. “I’ll start putting together some bail money, just in case.” “Be right back, sweetie,” James murmured, extracting himself from my hug. I walked over to the bonfire with Pepper, laughing as he started singing along with the music. The stereo was cranking out “Sweet Home Alabama”, and he was almost drowning out the words with “Sweet home San Francisco”. “Best birthday ever,” I shouted at him. “Yeah…you might change your mind about that in a sec,” he said, wrinkling his nose. “What? Why?” The music got slightly quieter, and out of nowhere, somebody handed him a megaphone. “Well, now that we know you’re a Burton, and you’re all involved with a Hetfield, we all kinda felt it was time you celebrated your birthday in true Metallica style.” Lifting the megaphone to his mouth, he flicked the switch on it. “Gentlemen? Come git ‘er!” I looked over to where the crowd had parted and saw James, Kirk, Bob, Lars, Rob and Gio, all armed with cream pies, and headed my way. “I’m gonna kill you,” I hissed at Pepper. “Nooo,” he scorned. “But darlin’? A word of advice?” He nudged my hip. “Run.” I bolted to the side, weaving my way through people and only made it about twenty yards before Gio caught up with me, and lifted me with one arm. “Son of a bitch!” I squealed, laughing. “Such language! Shame on you!” he grinned, depositing me in front of the guys. As soon as he let go, I ran again, only to be caught by Rob, who dumped two pies on my head, rubbing them into my hair. I shoved him away, and Lars was next, thwacking his two pies onto my butt. Kirk followed, and Bob, both getting my back when I swerved away from them, and I wiped my hair from my face to see James watching me from a few feet away, one pie in his hands, and a big smirk on his face. “You put that in my face, and I’m gonna make you do all the four a.m. feedings,” I warned him. “And diaper changes,” I added as he got closer. “One, two, three!” I tried as a last resort. He stopped, and tilted his head to the side. “Aww, darlin’. That’s sweet.” And then he pied me in the face. Another big cheer went up, and the music got louder again. Gio tossed me a towel, and I wiped the whipped cream off my face, sticking my tongue out at James and the rest of the boys. “Yeah. You guys? Evil.” I couldn’t stop laughing though, and held my cheek up for birthday kisses from each of them in turn. James was last, and he handed me another towel. “Let’s get you cleaned up, hmm? There’s a spare set of clothes in the downstairs bathroom.” I followed him into the house, and he started the shower while I stripped off my messy clothes. I started to step into the shower but he held me back, holding a can of whipped cream. “Oh, for…c’mon. Really? You didn’t get enough outside?” He shook the can, and sprayed it directly over my breasts, leaning forward to lick it off. “Couldn’t do this outside. You would have got cold.” I arched under his mouth, clutching his head to my breasts as he licked all the cream off them. “Fuuuuuuuuuck, James. Feels so good…” He leaned back, grinning, and sprayed some into his hands, putting the can down before gently wiping the cream between my legs. “Don’t fill up on that, you need to leave room for cake,” I smiled. “Ahh, but this is so much better than cake.” He sank to the floor, lifting one of my legs over his shoulders to give him better access. Thrusting his fingers inside me as he licked at the cream, he had me moaning and writhing on his hand in seconds. “Please, James,” I gasped. “Please, what, baby?” He looked up at me, smiling wickedly. Standing up, he took off his shirt and undid his jeans, sliding them, along with his boxers, to the floor. “Please this?” He lifted me up, settling me down on his hard length slowly. I dropped my head forward on his shoulder, and he carried me into the shower, pressing me up against the wall so the spray was on both of us. “You feel so good inside me,” I mumbled against his lips. Kissing me hard, he thrust faster and faster, and I wrapped my arms tighter around him, trying to get as close to him as possible. Gasping my name when he came, he braced himself against the tiles with one hand, while I slid down the wall to sit in the base of the shower. “Happy birthday to me,” I giggled, and he shot me a grin. “Ain’t over yet.” He turned the water off and handed me a fluffy blue towel. “Actually, it hasn’t even started yet. It’s not your birthday for another three hours.” We dried off and got dressed again, and I was only allowed to go outside after James found Trish’s hair dryer, insisting I couldn’t go out with wet hair. Once he was satisfied that I wouldn’t catch my death of cold, we went back out to the bonfire, and I gorged myself on toasted marshmallows and hot chocolate. Between the two of them, Pep and James had managed to invite pretty much everyone I knew in the Bay area. Jan was there, along with Mrs. D and her husband. Half of the people from my law firm had shown up, and Benny, Mike, and Jake and the bar staff were all present too. Trish’s folks came, with her aunt, minus Lily, and her dad pulled me aside to give me a birthday card from Carl Ichaan, the man who’d been so kind to me during the wedding reception. Inside was a business card, with the words “come work for me anytime. I fired Blaine” scrawled on the back. I laughed so hard that hot chocolate came out my nose. Presents and cake came next. Or rather, cakes. There were twenty-six of them in total. One enormous monstrosity of a cake, five tiers tall, and twenty-five smaller ones, all shaped like little gifts, complete with bows. I blew out the candles on the large one, and made a wish. Everybody else helped blow out the rest of the candles, and I cut a big slice of the huge one, delighted to find it was chocolate. “Want some, baby?” I asked James. He nodded, holding out a plate, and I lifted the piece to his mouth, smooshing it against his face. “That’s for the pies,” I grinned. He waited a beat, and then captured me in a hug, kissing me and getting icing all over my face. Once everybody had a piece of cake, I set to work opening my gifts. Lars had given me the first edition of the full set of Narnia books. They were beautifully illustrated, and he’d written on the inside of each one, “To little one, love Danish.” “I got them ages ago,” he said softly. “That art gallery was right next to an antique book shop…I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to write in first edition stuff.” I kissed his cheek. “They’re amazing, sweetie, thank you. I love that you wrote in them. Makes them even more special.” Kirk hadn’t managed to find enough wrapping paper to wrap his gift. It was a gorgeous surfboard he’d commissioned, with pink and silver designs on it, and my birth date scrolling along the bottom. Rob stepped forward holding a tiny box, and James raised an eyebrow. “Dude…proposing to my woman? So not cool.” I opened the box and gasped as I saw what lay inside. A beautiful silver chain, with a small shark’s tooth pendant. “It’s platinum plated,” he explained. “But it’s supposed to protect you from sharks if you wear it surfing. I know how you feel about those dudes,” he laughed. Bob was next, and he handed me a box, which I tore open, ripping through the tissue paper inside. “Oh my God. This is the coolest sweater ever. I may never wear anything else again,” I warned him, hugging him tightly. It was a pink, smaller version of his black skull sweater. Shrugging off the hoodie I’d put on, I slipped into the sweater instead, and pronounced it a perfect fit. “At least for the next day or two,” I sighed, rubbing my belly. Pep and Trish came over next, looking like two kids at Christmas. “Okay…remember how every Christmas, I ask you what you want, and you rattle off four thousand things and always end with ‘a pony’?” My eyes widened, and Trish nodded. “Yup. We got you a pony. C’mon!” She grabbed my hand and led me over to behind the barn, where they’d set up a riding ring. A beautiful jet black horse was standing in the ring, and beside her was a foal, no more than a few days old. “Oh my lord. You guys…” “You can keep her here, but she’s yours. That’s her mom, and her father’s over there,” he said, pointing to a huge stallion at the far side of the ring. “Apparently we were lucky to get the whole family. But, you have to name her right now. Before we do anything else.” Pepper was practically bouncing up and down. “Is it too cheesy to call her ‘Lightning?” “Nah. Perfect. And metal.” I stroked a hand over the mama horse’s side, backing away when it seemed she wanted to chew on my hair. “This is awesome, guys. Thank you so much! I can’t believe you actually got me a pony!” James wandered up, kissing the top of my head. “Got time for a dance, Tink?” “Absolutely.” We reached the open space where couples were dancing just as the song ended, and I heard the first notes of ‘Romeo and Juliet’. James kissed my hand, and then dropped it, winking at me as he backed away. I couldn’t stop the tears that welled up when I saw Sully, and he reached out a hand, his fingers touching the wetness on my cheeks. “Hey, girl.” “Hey, Sul.” “Happy birthday,” he whispered, kissing my cheek. “Missed you.” “Me too,” was all I could manage as he took my hand, wrapping his other arm around me. I rested my head on his shoulder as we danced to our song. Catching James’ eye, I raised my eyebrows and he shook his head, smiling, and held up three fingers. I did the same, and he nodded. We didn’t speak for the rest of the song. He kissed my cheek again when it ended, and James approached. “Still on for dinner tomorrow, man?” he asked Sully. “You bet. I’ll see you then, princess,” he squeezed my hand, and I waved as he walked away. “Did you…what did…how come…” I sighed at James, still not sure I understood what had happened. Looking faintly amused, he ran a fingertip down my nose. “Love you. Trust you. Want you to be happy. You needed to see Sully? I got Sully. He’s staying with Lars tonight, but he’ll be at ours tomorrow. Hope that’s okay.” I nodded, still crying a little. “Thank you.” “Anytime,” he smiled. “Why are you crying?” “I don’t know. I just…I’m so happy.” I let out a watery giggle at the exasperation written on his face, and wiped my eyes. “Just gimme a minute, okay? I’ll be right back.” “Don’t go too far. I haven’t given you my present yet.” “I won’t.” I kissed him and headed up to the barn, to get another look at Lightning. The mare hadn’t moved, but the foal was over on the far side of the ring with her father. I leaned against the fence, watching the two of them. “They’re sweet, aren’t they? Father and daughter.” I smiled before I turned around. “I was hoping I’d see you tonight. Or tomorrow. Wasn’t sure when.” Cliff smiled in the darkness, hands shoved deep in his pockets. “Tonight seemed like a good time.” He swiped a lock of hair off my face, a gesture I now thought of as his, and brushed his lips over my forehead. “Happy almost birthday. Looks like you’re having a fun party so far.” I nodded, tears blurring my vision. “They’re all here, you know. Your mom, James, Lars, Kirk… you could… you could come see them.” He gave me a sad smile, shaking his head. “Not tonight. Tonight I just came to see you.” I reached for his hand, amazed that it felt totally normal to touch him. “I want you to meet somebody.” Putting his hand on my stomach, I looked up at him. “This is Peanut. He or she, we’re not sure yet, is your grandchild.” “Nice to meet you,” he said softly to my stomach. When he lifted his gaze to meet mine, I saw he was crying too. “I’m so proud of you, angel.” I laughed. “For what, getting knocked up by one of your buddies?” Chuckling softly, his hand left my belly and he lit up a joint. “Yup. It’s so very rock star of you.” Exhaling slowly, he rested one foot on the fence. “Proud of you and James. You guys finally got your asses in gear. S’good to see you taking care of each other.” “Will you come see…us? Sometime? Both of us?” “Yeah,” he murmured. “Sometime. When you need me. I’ll be there.” I looked back at the horses, watching as the pony nuzzled her father’s neck, and when I turned back to Cliff, he was gone. “Okay, so…bye?” “Bye, angel,” he chuckled from somewhere I couldn’t see. “Happy birthday.” “Sneaky,” I muttered, and nearly jumped out of my skin when James put a hand on my back. “Easy, jumpy,” he laughed. “Freak yourself out all alone in the dark up here?” He sniffed the air, and narrowed his eyes. “Tell me that’s not pot that I smell.” “It’s not MY pot that you smell…” I said slowly. “Charlie, c’mon. Even second hand smoke is dangerous for the baby. You should know that.” “I do know that. But I don’t think it counts as real second hand smoke if the guy smoking it is a ghost.” He was silent for a minute. “Cliff?” “Uh huh.” I wasn’t sure what to say. I knew James would be sad that he hadn’t seen him, but happy for me all the same. “He’s, um, proud of us. And he met Peanut.” “Jesus. He IS gonna haunt me for getting you pregnant, isn’t he!” I smiled, letting him draw me into a hug. “Where’s my present, Big Daddy?” “Greedy little thing, aren’t ya.” He pulled a small black box from his pocket, and held it out to me, lifting the lid. Inside lay a beautiful silver band, a Celtic design with a sapphire set between two diamonds. “Jesus Christ, James. It’s beautiful.” “It’s for your birthday. But… fuck.” He rubbed a hand over his face, and I tried not to smile at how flustered he looked. “I love you.” “I know,” I said happily. “And…fuck.” “James? I know.” “The divorce isn’t final for another three months, at least. I wanted…I’m not going anywhere, Charlie. I wanted to give you a ring, so you’d know that.” “I don’t need a ring to know that.” I looked down at the sparkling stones. “It’s not like I’m gonna give this one back or anything, it’s fricken gorgeous. But you don’t have to prove anything to me.” “It’s for your birthday,” he repeated firmly. “Cause the one that’s gonna go on your left hand? Will be even more beautiful.” “There’s no rush,” I assured him, pulling him down for a kiss. “I’m not going anywhere either.” “Love you.” “And I love…this ring,” I sighed, laughing when he rolled his eyes. “But I love you more.” “Okay, Charlie, let’s have a look.” Dr. Stewart was back in the room, with another doctor at her side. I lowered the top half of my overalls, and she lifted my shirt up, squirting the cold jelly onto my stomach. James and I watched the screen as she moved the probe around, looking for any signs of movement. There was no sound, and as hard as I tried to see it, there was no movement from the baby. “Not a lot of fluid around the baby,” the other doctor said quietly. “Placenta maybe?” Dr. Stewart made a noncommittal noise, and moved the transducer over my belly again, slower this time. “Charlie…I’m afraid we’ve got some bad news.” |
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| Mina | May 21, 2008, 9:22 am Post #191 |
Morgenstern
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Great chapter ![]() But I'm worried 'bout Peanut now, I hope the news aren't too bad... Can't wait for more |
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| Lucifer's Angel | May 21, 2008, 9:35 am Post #192 |
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Heavy Metal Seanchai
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Oh no, what happened?
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| maisy blue | May 21, 2008, 10:44 am Post #193 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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OHHH SHIT. I'll say more as soon as I collect myself.
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| PurpleRose | May 22, 2008, 8:51 am Post #194 |
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Frantic
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Oh no......the end is near
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| Metalicious | May 23, 2008, 8:51 am Post #195 |
Blackened
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The words were barely out of her mouth before I started crying silently. I felt James stroking a hand over my hair but couldn’t bring myself to turn and look at him. I listened as the doctors kept talking, one interrupting the other, and all their words started to blur together. I caught ‘fluid level’ and ‘complications,’ ‘amniocentesis’ and ‘stillborn’. I rolled over on my side, pulling the sheet over me, shaking with sobs. I heard the door close, and James rubbed my shoulder before gently turning me onto my back again. “Baby…look at me.” I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut. “I’m sorry,” I kept whispering over and over. “Shhh, no, it’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault.” He wrapped his arms around me, kissing me gently. Holding my face in my hands, he touched his forehead to mine. “We’re gonna get through this, okay? I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere. You’re gonna be fine.” “P-p-peanut,” I stuttered through my tears, crying harder when I saw he was crying too. He kissed my cheek, resting his head next to mine on the pillow, his arm draped across my stomach. Turning my head slightly, I said between hiccupping sobs, “I don’t want them to hurt her. What if they hurt her when they take her out of me? She’s only little.” He went rigid, and sat up slowly. “Sweetie…weren’t you listening?” He sighed, cupping my cheek in his palm. “The doctors think it would be best, to increase your chances of having another child, if they helped you deliver her. Instead of a c-section.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “What?” He nodded slowly, and I could see how painful this was for him. “They’ll give you some drugs to induce labor. They don’t think it’ll take very long. I’ll be right here with you,” he assured me. “But I don’t…I…having another child? I don’t want another child, James. I want THIS one!” The door opened again, and Dr. Stewart came back in. “Charlie? We’re gonna move you into one of the delivery rooms now. James, Pepper’s asking for you.” He nodded, kissing me quickly before standing up. “I’ll be right behind you, sweetie. I’m gonna go tell Pep what’s going on, and then I’ll meet you in the delivery room. Did you want me to send him in to see you for a minute?” “Uh huh,” I sniffled, still not really believing what was happening. I shuffled down the hall in my thin gown, and one of the attending nurses led me into another bright, white room. I sat on the bed, staring down at my stomach. “Hi, baby girl.” I looked up to see Pepper standing in the doorway. “Hi. Come in.” He walked over to the bed and sat beside me, rubbing my back. “I’m so sorry, honey. Is there anything I can do? Anything I can get you? Want me to bring anything from the house?” I shook my head. “I’m good.” “I’ll go get James for you, okay?” He moved off the bed and I reached for his hand. “Pep? Do you think… is he mad? Cause of what I did?” I hated that the answer might be yes, but I had to ask. He crouched in front of me, resting his arms on my knees. “Baby, you didn’t do anything wrong. James knows that as well as I do. Please don’t blame yourself.” There was a knock at the door, and James stepped into the room. “Doctors wanna get started soon…if you’re ready.” Pep stood up wordlessly, and kissed the top of my head. Hugging James tightly, he turned back and blew a kiss at me before leaving the room. I waited for Dr. Stewart to come into the room, and was surprised when James closed and locked the door. Walking over to the bed, he gently pushed me onto my back before stretching out beside me. “Hi,” he said softly, tracing a finger down my profile. “Hi.” “Rough day, huh?” “Not the best I’ve ever had,” I said dully. “Let’s play a game.” I shot him a look, confused at his attempts to be lighthearted. “I don’t have a Scrabble board with me, James, so I think the game will have to wait.” “Not Scrabble. Your other favorite. Truth or dare.” My mood was swiftly changing from sad to pissed off. “I thought you said the doctors wanted to get started.” What the hell was he doing? “They do. I convinced them to give us a few minutes. Now. Truth? Or Dare.” “Truth.” “Okay. Our baby,” he said slowly, “stopped moving. And as soon as that happened, you and Pep came to the hospital, and we got you checked out. And it turns out that the baby’s not okay like we thought she’d be. So tell me. Whose fault is it that the baby’s not okay?” “This is a horrible game,” I whispered. “Shh, darlin’. Answer the question.” “Mine,” I said brokenly. “It’s my fault. Cause I drank, and I smoked pot, and I had an abortion, and I did too much stuff when I was pregnant, like trying to paint the deck and putting up the shower curtain, and-” “Wrong answer,” he said softly, covering my mouth. “This is not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. It’s a horrible, horrible tragedy. But it’s not because of anything you did, and I don’t want you blaming yourself.” He held me close, rocking me against him. “It’s not your fault, baby,” he repeated, kissing away my tears. “Is so,” I mumbled. “I did everything wrong.” “Charlie, look at me.” He held my face still, sad eyes staring into mine. “It’s not. Your. Fault. Are we clear?” I nodded, still not sure if I believed him. “Say it.” “S’not my fault,” I whispered. “Good. Now say it like you actually believe it, and not because I’m making you.” I cleared my throat. “It’s not…my fault.” Nodding, he gave me a little smile. “Better. I don’t quite buy that you believe it, but that was better. Now…ready for another?” “Dare,” I said quickly, not wanting to go through another question like that. “Good choice. And you have to do it, whatever I say, right? That’s how the game is played.” I nodded, wishing he’d hurry up and get to the dare. “I dare you to believe me when I tell you everything’s gonna be okay. You have to trust me, alright? I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here with you the whole time. I’m staying right here. And we’re gonna get through this. You have to trust me. I know it’s scary,” he said, brushing his lips over my cheek. “And I know this isn’t at all how we thought it was gonna be. But we’re gonna be okay. I promise. You believe me?” I huddled against him. “I dunno.” “You have to believe me, baby. Otherwise you’re reneging on the dare.” Kissing the top of my head, he rested his hand over mine. “I need you to trust me. I’ll take care of you, okay? We’re gonna get through this.” “I really, really love you,” I said quietly, as the tears streamed down my face. “I really, really love you, too, Tink,” he hugged me. “I’m gonna let the doctors in now.” I stepped back to admire my work, wiping the sweat from my brow. It was unseasonably warm, and I’d taken advantage of the nice weather, donning a pair of old overalls and a sleeveless tee shirt to put the first coat of primer on the deck. James and I had settled on white with a light yellow trim, to compliment the dark sage green of the house, and though I’d sworn up, down and sideways that I wouldn’t lift a finger, I was bored. And painting, while sitting on my butt, couldn’t be that dangerous. Taking a long drink from the bottle of water I’d brought out with me, I gingerly touched the first part of the railing, and found it was still sticky. Fire whined from behind the screen door, unhappy that I’d confined him and Duke to the house while I painted. The last thing I wanted was dog hair permanently stuck to the deck. Or a dog with white and yellow spots. Easing the door open carefully, so as not to let him out, I dumped the paintbrush in the bucket of water I’d left in the utility room, and bent to untie my sneakers. “Morning.” Shit. “Hi, baby.” I tried to sound innocent, and glanced up to see James eyeing me warily. “You’re back early. I was just…um…” “Painting?” “No…” He crossed the kitchen in three strides and stroked a finger down my cheek. “How come you’ve got paint on your face, then?” “I…I fell.” “Uh huh. Into a can of paint?” The corners of his mouth twitched. “Yes.” He raised an eyebrow, walking past me to look at the deck. “Very nice. I suppose this all happened by accident, too? Little elves came and painted it, maybe?” I nodded solemnly. “Yes. Little elves, armed with paintbrushes. Didn’t they do a good job?” He sighed, putting an arm around my shoulder. “They did a great job. I guess they must be pretty bored, hmm? Still adjusting to the new schedule of no schedule?” I leaned against him. “You have NO idea.” “Thought you might like a break this afternoon. Wanna come to HQ for a few hours?” “Really?” The guys were rehearsing for a couple of charity events, and while James had promised I was welcome to hang out there, I hadn’t been to HQ yet, and was thrilled at the prospect of a visit. “Yeah, really. Go get changed, and maybe try to get that paint off, although…” he pulled me close, dragging his tongue across my bottom lip. “You do look kinda sexy all messed up like this.” I stood on tiptoes for another kiss, sliding my hands into the back pockets of his jeans to squeeze his butt. Pressing his groin against me, he yanked my hair back, sucking on my neck briefly before stepping back. Feeling quite dizzy and more than a little turned on, I reached for him, only to have my hand batted away. “Oh ho ho,” I grinned. “We’re gonna play THAT game, are we?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The smirk on his face said otherwise. “Now, go get dressed. I said I’d get you over there for lunch.” I stared at him for a minute and then stripped off my overalls and tee shirt, throwing them at him. “Toss those in the wash, would ya?” I winked at him, heading upstairs in the pink and white striped bra and panty set I’d worn underneath. “Tease,” he laughed. “Pot kettle, sugar,” I called over my shoulder, and then squealed when he rounded the corner and scooped me up, carrying me upstairs. “James, don’t. I’m getting too heavy for you to do this.” “Aww, Peanut, did ya hear that? Your mama thinks I’m weak.” He put me down gently on the bed, kissing my belly. Going into the big walk-in closet, he emerged with the baggy, low-rise jeans that I loved, and a soft pink sweater Jen had knit for me. I shook my head at his choices. “Too hot.” I walked past him and pulled out my ‘praise the lowered’ tank top that showed a bit of my stomach, slipping it on and smoothing it over my little bump. He pulled away when I reached out a hand for the jeans, beckoning for me to come closer. “C’mon, Hetfield. I have to get dressed so we can get to HQ for lunch, remember?” “I’m not sure… you’ve been very naughty today. Painting the deck when I made you promise not to, wearing far too little clothing around the house… very naughty,” he repeated slowly, dipping his head to kiss me. I felt his hand graze my waist, and then slid lower, his fingers stroking me gently every time his tongue touched mine. Bringing his fingers to his mouth, he licked them slowly, and then brushed his lips over mine a final time before handing me my jeans. “Okay. Get dressed.” “So mean,” I hissed, and he swatted my butt lightly. “Love you,” he said softly, pressing a kiss to my forehead before leaving me to get ready. “Love you too, you big fricken tease, pain in my ass, gets me all hot and bothered and leaves the room,” I muttered to myself. After a heated argument about whether or not I should wear a coat, we headed over to HQ and were greeted by Rob playing basketball outside. “Hey, mamacita,” he greeted me, tossing the ball to James while he hugged me. “How’s the babe doing today?” He looked at me questioningly and I nodded, smiling when he put his large hands on my belly, crouching in front of me. “What’s that, little dude? You’re hungry? You want some meatballs?” He laughed when I clapped my hands. “You cooked?” “Leftovers,” he grinned, giving James a high five after he swished the ball in the net. Kirk was sitting at the table when we came into the kitchen, while Lars paced the room, chatting loudly on his cell phone. He stopped moving long enough to kiss me hello, and I went to sit opposite Kirk. Rob nuked a bowl of meatballs and rice for me, setting it in front of me with a glass of milk. Lars had settled into a chair by Kirk by the time I finished eating, and James sat next to me, one hand on my leg, rubbing my knee. “Are we having a meeting?” Kirk glanced at James and then looked back at me. “Kinda.” “We’ve got a meeting, uh, with Cliff and the gang tomorrow,” Lars said quietly. “To tell them we wanna hold off on releasing the album.” “Why? What’s wrong with it?” I was confused. The album was finished, mastered and ready for distribution. And I knew they were worried about songs being leaked over the internet, and wanted to get it in stores as soon as possible. “Nothing,” James said quickly. “It’s fine, it’s ready to go, but…” “If we released it, we’d have to tour,” Lars finished. “They kinda go hand in hand.” “And you don’t wanna tour because…” They all fell silent, and I glanced at James. “It’s just not a good time to be traveling all over the place right now,” he said softly. “Group decision,” added Lars. “I see.” I got up from the table and James took hold of my wrist. “Bathroom,” I explained, and he let go. I got about three feet from him and turned around. “Which is…where?” Lars smiled and got up to lead me through a doorway, down a hall, around a corner, up a flight of stairs and down another hall, finally stopping outside an open door, which I hoped was a bathroom. “You really shouldn’t make a pregnant chick walk five miles when she tells you she needs to pee,” I grinned at him. “Sorry, sweets,” he laughed. “That’s my room on the right. Come in when you’re, um, finished.” I nodded, and found him on a couch, flipping through a magazine a couple of minutes later. “Comfy,” I sighed, as I sank into the cushions. “It is. I’ve had many a good nap here.” “And on the one in the control room?” I giggled. “No, motherfucker, that’s Bob!” He swatted me with a pillow and leaned sideways against the couch. “Don’t be upset, sweetheart. The tour thing really was a group decision, and it isn’t all to do with you. We’ve all got a few reasons why we wanna wait. It just makes sense to put it off for a while.” “How long?” He shrugged. “After the baby’s born? There’s no rush, Charlie. I mean, we’re excited to get it out there, and do some shows, but we’re gonna wait.” “What are you gonna do in the meantime?” I shifted on the couch, uncomfortable that the biggest heavy metal band ever wanted to rearrange their schedule because I was having a baby. “More events like we’re doing in the next few weeks. Interviews. James has a phone interview this afternoon. Keep doing what we’ve been doing the last few months, really.” He cupped my cheek, smiling. “People will wait, Charlie. They might not like doing it, but our fans aren’t going anywhere.” I nodded slowly, relieved that James was going anywhere for the next few months, but still feeling guilty for keeping him away from doing what he loved. “I could come with you guys…we could hire a nurse or something to come on tour. I don’t…fuck. James loves touring.” “Yeah. Know what else he loves?” I thought for a minute. “Cars?” He laughed, pulling me into a hug. “You, crazy woman.” He kissed my forehead and helped me up from the couch. “C’mon, I’ll show you where James’ room is.” Leading me down the hallway, we turned right and Lars knocked on a door with “Papa Het” written on it. “Come see me before you go.” “’kay,” I smiled. I wiped the tears from my eyes, and James squeezed my hand. “You shouldn’t have postponed the tour,” I said quietly. “You could have gone.” “Is that what you’re thinking about?” He gave me a sad smile. “I wouldn’t change anything, baby. I’m right where I’m supposed to be.” He got up to greet the doctors as they came in, and spoke with them for a minute before wheeling over a stool to sit by the bed. “I don’t regret the decision at all.” He gave me a little smile. “That was a fun afternoon. Though I do kinda feel bad for never calling that guy back.” James opened the door, holding a portable phone. He covered the mouthpiece. “Ten minutes,” he said softly. “You okay?” I hugged him, holding up three fingers successively and he brushed his lips over my cheek, speaking into the phone again. I wandered around the room while he talked, taking in the décor and the comfortable furniture. He put a hand on my shoulder and pointed to a pile of books and magazines on the table, and I saw a little post-it on top, saying “Charlie’s Stash”. There was an InStyle, a Rolling Stone, a New Yorker, and the third book in the Phillip Pullman trilogy I was reading, along with a couple of favorites he must have swiped from the house. I took the InStyle magazine and sat at one end of the couch, stretching my legs out to rest in his lap when he sat beside me. The magazine didn’t hold my attention for long, especially when James kept rubbing his hand up and down my calf under my jeans. I stood up and locked the door, flashing him a grin when he raised an eyebrow at me. He kept talking while I knelt on the floor in front of him, pulling his hips forward. Unzipping his jeans, I slipped my fingers through the fly of his boxers, watching as he closed his eyes, his head falling back against the couch. Resting his free hand on the top of my head, he stroked my hair while I took him in my mouth. I giggled when I heard him stumble over what he was saying, and he pulled my hair slightly, thrusting into my mouth. Sliding his hand down to cup the back of my neck, he let out a low moan, and then was silent for a minute before laughing and saying something about lower back pain, and physio. Determined to make him come before he got off the phone, I held him in both my hands, stroking him faster while my tongue licked all around his head, before taking as much of him inside my mouth as I could. “Hey, sorry to interrupt you, but can I call you back? Lars is waving at me frantically, I should go see what he wants.” He chuckled. “Yeah, he has that nickname for a reason. Okay, talk to you in a bit.” He hung up, tossing the phone to the other end of the couch, and put both hands on my head, gently guiding me up and down his thick shaft. “Fuuuuuck, baby,” he moaned. “So good. Love being in your mouth…” A few seconds later, and he was panting my name, holding my head in place while I swallowed quickly. “Who were you on the phone with?” I asked a short time later when we were cuddling on the couch. He sat up, looking panicked. “Shit,” he said softly. “I’ve got no idea.” “Okay, Charlie,” Dr. Stewart stood by the edge of the bed. “We’re going to get you started on an IV drip of Pitocin, it’ll help start your contractions. James, are you staying here throughout?” “Yeah,” he said quickly. “Do I need…” “You’re fine as you are,” she smiled. “Just stay on that side of Charlie and try to keep her relaxed.” She watched as one of the nurses hooked me up to the IV. “I’ll come back in a few minutes and we’ll check how you’re progressing.” The nurse started to fasten a plastic bracelet around my left wrist and stopped. “Ms Tyler, would it be alright if I removed this?” She hooked a finger in the colorful woven bracelet I was wearing. “I can cut it off for you.” I nodded silently, and she snipped at the threads, handing me the bracelet, which I then passed to James. “Don’t tell her I took it off. I promised I wouldn’t. I’ll figure out a way to tie it back on after, okay?” He stroked a hand over my hair. “It’s okay, sweetie. She’ll understand.” He rubbed the bracelet between his fingers. “All your favorite colors.” “Hers, too,” I smiled. “It’s a copy of the one she’s got, but bigger. And she made another smaller one for Peanut,” I said sadly. “God, James, what are we gonna tell them?” Leaning forward to kiss my forehead, he put his hand over mine. “We’ll worry about that later, okay? For now, let’s just deal with one thing at a time. Like getting you to relax, hmm?” Christmas Eve had always been one of my favorite days of the year. Probably second only to my birthday, I enjoyed it even more than Christmas Day, because of all the build up and excitement. And even better than a regular Christmas Eve, was one spent in the company of three very excited children, none of whom had any intention of going to bed any time soon, lest they miss Santa’s visit. James had long ago given up trying to get them into bed, realizing they’d only sit in their rooms, hyper and wide awake for as long as they could manage, and it was more fun for all of us if they just hung out downstairs until they eventually crashed. “They’ll probably pass out by midnight,” he’d said quietly while Castor and Cella chased Fire around the house, trying to tie on homemade antlers they’d fashioned out of twigs from the backyard. They’d settled down a little when James suggested they watch a Christmas movie on tv, and were now all hanging out in the front room, and were being pretty quiet, with the occasional laugh or squeal coming from their direction. Kissing my neck, James slid his arms around my waist. “Whatcha doin’?” I smiled, tilting my head up for a kiss. “Getting everything ready for tomorrow’s dinner, and these,” I tapped the wooden spoon on the raw braided dough, “are Swedish tea rings. My mom used to make ‘em every Christmas. Tyler family tradition.” He swiped something off the counter and held it above my head. “Hey, mistletoe! You have to make out with me now.” I looked up and burst out laughing. “James, that’s a bay leaf.” “Close enough,” he grinned, leaning down to place a sweet, soft kiss on my lips that practically left me purring. “Ew…” Castor appeared beside us and made a face of disgust. “Kissing!” I snatched the bay leaf from James’ hand and ran after a giggling Castor, catching him in a hug and planting a loud kiss on his cheek. He squirmed and squealed until I let him go, and then turned around, making a grand show of wiping off his face. “Can we have a snack? We left one for Santa already, but maybe we should have one, too.” I glanced over my shoulder at James, who shrugged. “Anything in particular, buddy?” Leaning around me to peer into the kitchen, he pointed towards the counter. “What’s that?” “That won’t be ready til tomorrow, little man. How about I surprise you, and bring something in for you guys in a few minutes, okay?” “Okay,” he grinned and ran off to join Cella and Cali again. “I’m gonna go see what they’re watching,” James murmured, following Castor. I put the dough to one side to rise, and rummaged through the fridge, trying to find something healthy. “Ahh, screw it,” I muttered. “Christmas Eve, after all. We can go back to being healthy and nutritionally sound on Boxing Day.” I stood up, armed with the makings for nachos, and saw Cali eyeing me carefully. “Who are you talking to?” I giggled. “Myself. My mom used to do the same thing. She’d wander through the house, chatting to no one in particular. We always wondered if we should respond. What’s up?” “Are you making nachos?” “You betcha.” “I can help,” she announced. “Cool. Wanna grate some cheese?” She shook her head. “I can cut the tomatoes.” She washed her hands and pulled out one of the serrated knives from the block, watching me, daring me to say no. We’d butted heads several times in the past few weeks, but things seemed to be getting better, and the more trust I gave her, the less attitude she gave me. “Sounds good. And maybe some red pepper too?” Please don’t slice your finger off, I prayed silently. I watched as she carefully cut the tomatoes in half, squeezing the seeds into the compost container. With fierce concentration, her tongue between her lips, she slowly diced the tomatoes into small cubes. I stood beside her, chopping green peppers and chillis into tiny pieces, and she stopped what she was doing and watched. “I’m not as fast as you.” She sounded disappointed. “Just a matter of practice.” Putting my hands over hers, I tucked her little fingers in slightly, showing her how to slice without danger of getting her fingertips cut off, and guided her hands for her. “Just promise me you’ll only do it this way when there’s somebody around who’s old enough to drive you to the hospital if your hands slip.” She nodded, and stood on tiptoes to rinse her hands again. “I made you something,” she said quietly. I looked up, surprised. “Cool. Is it under the tree?” Shaking her head, she dug in her pocket. “I only finished making it this afternoon. And there wasn’t any wrapping paper left.” That didn’t surprise me. The space under the tree was jam packed with gifts. We’d invited Jan and her sister, and Pep and Trish over for Christmas Day dinner, and there were presents for each of them under there too, as well as all the kids’ presents from their relatives. “You know what? It was always one of my family’s traditions to open one gift on Christmas Eve. Think I could use your gift for that?” She smiled, and held out her hand. Laying in her palm was a pretty woven friendship bracelet. “All the girls at school are makin’ them. I know you like pink and purple, like me, and Papa said you like blue, too.” I blinked back tears, sitting in one of the kitchen chairs. “It’s gorgeous, Cali. I haven’t had one like this in years, and certainly not one this pretty.” I held out my wrist so she could tie it on for me, and she stepped back when it was done. “You’re supposed to wear it til it falls off,” she said, her voice so quiet I had to lean forward to hear her. “But it’s okay if you take it off before then.” ”No way, duder. I’m gonna wear it all the time now. People will see it and be all ‘hey, who made your bracelet’ and I’ll tell ‘em it was you and then the house will be flooded with phone calls and letters with bracelet making requests and soon we’ll have to set up a website for you to take orders, and…” She was giggling at this point so I stopped. “It’s really beautiful, Cali, thank you so much.” “I have the same one,” she said shyly. “And, um,” she fished around in her pocket, pulling out a tiny version of the bracelet. “I made one for Peanut, too. For when she’s born.” “She’s gonna love it. It’s perfect.” She nodded, and then leaned forward, throwing her arms around me in a quick hug, before running off to the other room again. I looked up and saw James leaning against the doorframe. “I got a bracelet,” I lifted my arm to show him. “I see that,” he smiled, coming over to me and pulling me into a hug. “Love you, Tink.” “Me too,” I snuggled against his chest. “Hey, would you be cool with everybody opening one gift tonight?” He stepped back, tracing a fingertip over my cheek. “Another Tyler tradition?” I nodded. “Just one. And only if they want to.” He smiled. “They’re gonna want to, believe me.” Stealing a pink ribbon I’d been planning to use to wrap the tea ring for Jan, he tied it around my wrist, kissing my cheek. “There. You’re my present. I’ll unwrap you later.” He patted my butt, and watched while I put the nachos in the oven, and we went into the front room, waiting til there was a break in the movie to tell the kids. They were still debating over which gift they’d each open when the movie started again. “So, did your folks use this as a diversionary tactic or what? This could take hours,” he murmured in my ear as we watched the kids scrambling about under the tree. I giggled. “I hadn’t thought of that, but yeah, probably.” The decision finally made, we turned the sound down on the movie and decided we’d go one at a time. Castor had taken a long flat box, Cella chose an oddly shaped parcel, and Cali had picked the smallest gift with her name on it, which she knew was from me. James had barely spoken Castor’s name before he tore into the wrapping, eyes growing huge as he saw the box. “Is that the original box?” I checked with James. “Cause my mom used to reuse boxes just to fake us out. We’d get all excited about the size of the box and then freak out when we saw the china pattern on it.” He laughed, and shook his head. “It’s the original.” James had ordered a bunch of stuff for the Met family from firefox.com, and he’d apparently picked up a light sabre for Castor while he was on there. “Is it real?” Castor whispered. “As real as it gets,” James grinned. “You can’t slice off anyone’s arm, thankfully, but it makes the cool sound and lights up like a real one.” I watched, pleasantly surprised, when Castor hugged us both and then returned to his place on the floor, waiting patiently for the girls to open their gifts. Cella went next, and she picked at the wrapping paper, tearing a little here, a little there, until she noticed Castor rolling his eyes, and giggled, shoving the present at him. “You do it,” she grinned. He ripped apart the paper, and pushed the present back towards her. She clapped her hands gleefully and squealed. “A puppy!” She’d asked for a puppy on her wishlist, even after James gently explained that we already had three dogs. Reiterating several times that a stuffed animal wasn’t what she wanted, she insisted that only a real dog would do. Instead, she got a robotic one, which seemed to thrill her just as much. James moved down to the floor beside her, showing her how to turn it on, and where the various buttons were. Cali went last, carefully unwrapping the delicate paper covering the box. She gave a sharp intake of breath when she saw the dark blue box inside, and traced her finger over the lettering before slowly lifting the lid. She’d been fascinated with the shiny crystal and silver bracelet Pepper had given me from Swarovski, and while she was too young to wear something similar, I’d gone online and found something I thought she’d like, and that would suit her. “When I was twelve,” I told her as she came to sit beside me on the couch, “my mom’s best friend gave me a charm bracelet like this one. And every year on my birthday and at Christmas until I was twenty-one, she’d send me a charm to add to it. So even though this one only has three on it right now, we can add more next year, and the year after and stuff.” She flicked the charms, watching them sparkle in the light from the tree. “A book, a soccer ball, and cowboy boots,” she said, naming them one by one. “This is so pretty, Charlie. Is it from the same place where Pepper got you that bracelet?” “Yup.” I assured her, and fastened it around her wrist. “Cool,” she said softly, leaning back against the couch, still admiring it. . “Nachos!” James said suddenly, jumping up to run into the kitchen. Castor followed him, waving his light sabre wildly as he went. Cella climbed up on the other side of me to introduce the robo-dog to Peanut. “Say ‘doggie’,” she whispered to my belly. Pressing one of the buttons on the dog, she giggled when it barked softly. There was an answering kick from my belly, and James came back in to find the three of us with our hands on my stomach. “Somebody wake up?” he smiled. “She heard there were nachos. Didn’t wanna miss out.” Castor came back in and got on the couch beside Cella. “I wish she’d hurry up and get here already.” “Me too,” Cella pouted, and made the dog bark again. “Same old story, eh guys? Christmas Eve, and everybody’s waitin’ for a baby. You guys can be the three wise men.” “No way,” Cali scoffed. “Me and Cella are the wise women,” she said sagely. “And I’m Anakin Skywalker,” Castor informed me, brandishing his light sabre. “Okay, the two wise women and Anakin Skywalker. Is anybody even watching the movie anymore?” We made space for James to sit beside Cali, and she showed him the bracelet, twisting her wrist so the little crystal charms sparkled. Turning the sound back up, we huddled together on the couch, and all of us except for James fell asleep before it was over. I woke up to him gently shaking me. “Bedtime, baby,” he whispered. I saw he’d already taken the kids up to their rooms, and tried to muster the energy to get off the couch. “You too tired for me to unwrap my present?” he smiled, touching the ribbon on my wrist. “No way, mister.” I leaned against him as we walked upstairs. “Did you put the stockings out?” “Yup.” I could smell gingerbread on his breath. “Did you eat the Santa snacks?” I hit his shoulder lightly. “Now what’s Santa gonna eat?” He chuckled softly. “I’m Santa, baby. Who else was gonna eat ‘em?” Nipping gently at my earlobe, he slid a hand under my shirt. “And now Santa’s gonna eat you,” he murmured, sending shivers down my spine. I glanced at my watch, and saw it was just past midnight. “Merry Christmas, baby.” I could feel the contractions starting, and asked James to find the doctor. He pressed a button on the side of my bed, and the nurse came back in. “They’re starting?” she asked quietly. He nodded, and she left again, returning with Dr. Stewart. “Okay, Charlie, let’s have a look.” Lifting the sheet that was covering my lower half, she glanced up at me. “You’re progressing nicely. Shouldn’t be too long, now. I’ll come back in about ten minutes, and hopefully, we can get things moving.” I squeezed James hand when we were alone again. “I’m scared,” I said quietly. “Nothing to be scared of,” he assured me, kissing my forehead. “You’re gonna be fine.” “Promise?” I whispered. “Cross my heart.” “Morning, baby,” James murmured in my ear. “Sleep well?” I nodded, rolling onto my side to face him. I had, indeed, slept well. Not counting the time it took for the two nookie sessions he’d awoken me for, I must have slept a good…I glanced at the clock. Ten hours. “We’re lazy,” I grinned. “That we are,” he laughed. “But it’s Sunday. That’s what Sundays are for.” He stroked a hand over my back. “How’re you feeling?” “Great. I had these crazy dreams that some guy was licking me all over and sucking that spot on my neck that I really like to have nibbled and…” I stopped talking as he leaned forward and latched his mouth on to the exact spot I’d been referring to. “Oh. Guess that was you, hmm?” He chuckled against my skin and moved closer, sliding his leg in between mine. “Know what today is, darlin’?” “Sunday…” I said slowly. “Yup,” he growled in my ear, making me shiver. “But it’s also naked day.” “Naked what?” I pushed him away and raised an eyebrow. “Naked day. You gotta stay naked all day.” “Says who?” I laughed. “Is this a little known national holiday that you’re only now bringing to my attention?” He nodded, grinning from ear to ear. “Nice try, Hetfield, but I’m not staying naked all day. I’m as big as a house. I need to be covered up.” He pinned me down, shooting me a look that plainly said, bullshit. “You’ve been running around the house for the last four months as if it were summer. Naked shouldn’t be that much of a stretch.” I pushed him off, sitting up. “I only do that cause you insist on keeping the house so fricken hot. There’s a cactus sprouting in the damn living room. Now,” I smiled graciously. “If you’ll excuse me, I’d like to shower.” He smirked and lay back on the bed, folding his hands behind his head. “Enjoy.” “I shall. Naked day, my ass,” I muttered, padding into the en suite. “Yeah, James, I’ll just wander around all day with nothing on. Great plan. Freakshow.” I stayed under the spray for several minutes, and took care to rub plenty of cocoa butter on my expanding stomach when I dried off. I came back into the bedroom wearing just a towel, and went to open the closet. It was locked. “Naked day,” James said gleefully from the bed. “Look, punk,” I started, only to have him burst out laughing. “I’m serious. What the hell? This thing locks? Fricken open it! I need to get dressed! I have stuff to do today!” “Like what?” “Like…eating breakfast. Lunch,” I corrected, remember that it was almost noon. He reached under the pillow and then raised his hands. He was holding a pair of tiny black silk shorts in one hand, and a small tee shirt in the other. “You can wear one of these. But not both.” The shorts would barely fit. They were low enough so that they could sit under my belly, but then my entire top half would be exposed. Although, with the tee shirt as the other option… “Shorts.” I held out my hand and he tossed them to me. “And don’t think this means you win. I’m finding the damn key for the closet, or I’m phoning Trish to bring me some damn clothes.” He moved off the bed with a fluid grace that still surprised me. “You’ll do no such thing,” he assured me, sliding a hand under my towel to lightly pinch my butt. “Remember when that movie came out, and you made me go see it with you? And you promised I would like it, even though it had the stupidest title EVER, and then the next day, it was all over Blabbermouth that I’d been to see “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”?” I bit my lip to keep from laughing. “Mmhmm?” “Yeah. You owe me. This is payback, darlin’.” I rolled my eyes and pulled the shorts on, tossing the towel in the laundry basket. “Fine,” I pretended to huff, heading downstairs. At least I wouldn’t overheat. I started the decaf brewing, and covered my chest while I let the dogs in. An arm wrapped around my waist and James hauled me back inside, slamming the door. “Jesus, woman. You can’t go outside like that!” “James, it’s naked day. Pay attention. I don’t make the rules darlin’. I’m just forced to follow them, it seems.” He maneuvered me up against the counter, dropping his head forward to rest against mine. “No going outside. You’ll get sick.” I started to launch into a speech about how colds come from germs, not from going outside scantily clad, but one look from him shut me up. “Bacon?” He nodded, and moved past me to get the frying pan out. I started chopping melon and kiwi and pineapple and had to stop every few seconds to allow James to kiss various parts of my anatomy. “How come you don’t have to be naked?” I gestured to the low slung jeans he was wearing, tossing a piece of kiwi in my mouth. “I’m half naked. Same as you,” he winked. “So not the same,” I muttered under my breath, bending down to reach the bottom of the fridge, and finding that my belly didn’t allow for it. “Bad Peanut,” I scolded. “Not letting me bend in half anymore. Honey, could you get me the yogurt please?” He nodded, grabbed the vanilla yogurt from the bottom shelf and placed a kiss on my stomach before standing again. “Beautiful girl,” he murmured, kissing the top of my head. I slid my arms around his waist, loving the feel of his warm skin against mine. Pressing a kiss to his chest, I turned my head and listened to his heart beat. “I could do this all day,” I said quietly. He cupped the back of my neck, and ran his other hand up and down my back. “You’re more than welcome to, but let’s feed you first. I believe you mentioned bacon.” I dropped my hands and spun around in search of the packet, and he laughed. “Fickle woman.” I continued with the fruit salad while he fried the bacon, shushing me when I warned him about fat spatters. I bit my tongue when I heard him curse a few seconds later. We ate breakfast in the kitchen, standing by the counter. Or rather, I blotted the bacon on paper towel and ate it as it was ready, and James had to steal pieces back from me to ensure he got some. Only half the fruit salad made it into a bowl, as I’d eaten the rest while I cut it. The phone rang as we were tidying up, and James answered it, chatting briefly before handing it to me. “Hello?” “Hey, baby girl. How’s my favorite pregnant lady doing?” I grinned. “I’m fine, sweetie. How’s my favorite old married couple?” “We’re great. Wondered if you guys wanted to meet up for dinner sometime this week. Maybe even tonight.” I wrapped an arm around James’ waist, licking the outline of his tattoo. “No can do tonight. It’s naked day.” Pepper made a choking sound, and then went quiet for a minute. “It’s what?” “Naked day,” I repeated, getting a quiet laugh out of James. “Dare I fuckin’ ask?” Pepper sounded slightly scared. “Do you NEED to ask?” I giggled. “I’m hanging up now,” he warned me. “Love you, Keenan.” “You too, crazy.” “He wanted to do dinner,” I explained as I put the phone down. “I told him we were busy, because you’re a big pervert and have decided not to allow me access to my clothes. He told me to tell you that you’re a barbaric individual who is setting the woman’s movement back centuries by keeping me barefoot and pregnant. In the kitchen, no less.” “Is that so?” James feigned concern. “I’d happily keep you barefoot and pregnant in another room of the house. Why don’t you pick one, and head there, and get comfy.” I narrowed my eyes. “By ‘get comfy’, do you really mean, ‘take off the shorts’?” “Yes.” I giggled and headed into the living room. “Love you,” he called after me. I smiled, and repeated Pepper’s words. “You too, crazy.” “Charlie…” Dr. Stewart gave me a sympathetic smile. “Sweetie, we need you to push.” “I don’t want to,” I sniffled. “I know. But you need to.” James nuzzled my hair, whispering words of reassurance. I gripped his hand tightly, took a breath, and pushed. Nothing happened. “Good, that was good. Can you do that again?” “No.” I knew I was being an unhelpful brat, but I hated what was happening. “I need you to try,” she said softly. I pushed again, harder this time, and felt something shift. Barely. Dropping my head back on the pillow, I closed my eyes. “I hate this,” I whispered. “You’re doing great, sweetie,” James kissed my temple. “I know it’s awful, but you’re doing really well. Squeeze my hand as hard as you need to, okay?” I wanted to scream at him that it wouldn’t help, that no amount of squeezing his hand would bring back our baby, but I clenched my jaw and pushed again. “Christ!” I swore, arching my back. That one hurt. “James?” “Yes, baby?” “I don’t wanna do this. Why can’t they just go in and get her? I don’t like forcing her out. It’s too hard.” I sounded like a whiney child. “I’m sorry.” He blew out a slow breath, and kissed me softly. “I know it’s hard. I wish I could make it easier for you, sweetie. Just try to push, and it’ll be over soon.” “Actually, Mr. Hetfield, this could take quite a while. The fetus is still positioned the wrong way, so we’ve got a ways to go, ” one of the nurses corrected him, and he glared at her. Turning back to me, he brushed his lips over my brow. “Don’t listen to Nurse Ratched,” he whispered, trying to smile. “You’ll be fine. It’ll be over soon. I love you.” “Me too.” “Love you,” he grinned, planting a quick kiss on my cheek before going back into the other room. “Would you be offended if I said you two were getting slightly nauseating?” Bob chuckled from the controls. I giggled, flipping open an old magazine and settling back into the couch. “Not in the least. What’s the name of this one again?” I asked as the guys launched into the latest tune they were working on. “Uh… it’s currently titled Floods of Vomit Deux. I imagine they’ll change that before it’s released.” I nodded, laughing, and put the magazine down in favor of sitting beside Bob and watching the guys play. Lars was going nuts on the drums, making weird movements with his mouth that looked like he was silently shouting. Kirk’s head was thrown back, eyes closed, and Rob’s hair was all over the place as he jumped around, playing like mad. James stalked around the studio, stopping to play for a moment in front of the drum kit, and then opposite Kirk, before he finally stood in front of Rob and the two of them seemed to face off. “Wow,” I said quietly. Bob glanced at me and nodded. “Yup.” They played for several more minutes, adding licks from other songs and generally fooling around. James placed his guitar on the rack when they’d stopped, and I saw him start to remove his shirt. “Shit.” I pushed Bob sideways and spoke into the mic. “Hetfield. Cease and desist, pal.” He stopped with the shirt halfway off and I knew he’d realized why I’d said it. It was still too late. Lars had already hopped off his stool and whipped the shirt the rest of the way off. I dropped my head forward onto my arms, sighing. “Oooooooooooh!” The guys started catcalling and laughing. I looked up to see James grinning widely. The fucker was actually enjoying this. I threw up my hands in a gesture of ‘I give up’, and saw him laugh. “Fock, woman. How long are your nails?” Lars was examining the deep scratches on James’ back while Kirk was tilting his head sideways, apparently counting the number of hickeys that made a little path from his neck to his chest. There were six. I knew, because I’d placed them there the night before. One for each month of my pregnancy. I also knew there were scratches all over his torso, front and back, and that there was another path of smaller hickeys, leading somewhere else. “If ever there were a time for the earth to open up and swallow me, this would be it,” I muttered. “Careful what you wish for, sweetheart,” Bob laughed. “This is California. That shit happens.” “You okay?” James traced my profile, and wiped the sweat from my forehead. “No,” I moaned. “The videos in health class never fucking mentioned how painful this was!” “See, now, I missed all that. So I’m gonna have to take your word on it,” he said, giving me a weak smile. I’d been pushing on and off for two hours, and was ready to murder someone if things didn’t start progressing. That, added to the fact that Nurse Ratched, as James had nicknamed her, kept referring to our baby as ‘the fetus’, was enough to make me start swearing whenever she came near. “I can’t do this, James. I really can’t. I’m sorry, baby. I tried, but it’s too hard. Please let me stop now. Please?” He looked at the nurses. “Is there anything you can do to speed this up?” “Mr. Hetfield, childbirth isn’t something one can rush. With the fetus-” “Stop that,” he growled. She stopped. “The baby’s name is Caitlin. My name is James, and this is Charlie. And unless your bedside manner improves, your name will be Fucking Unemployed. Are we clear?” She sighed and left the room. “James?” He turned to face me. “Now I love you even more.” “Put that down,” I scolded, seeing him lifting a stuffed giraffe from a display. “The baby doesn’t need an entire fricken safari in her room. He shot me a serious look. “How will she learn what a giraffe is if she doesn’t have one?” He grabbed a second one and threw them into the enormous cart Gio was pushing. “Two?” I rolled my eyes. “Fine, Noah, anything else?” Purely to spite me, I’m sure, he grabbed the rest of the animals from the display and dumped them into the cart. “We’ll pick up the ark at the hardware store,” he grinned. “Charlie!” Trish hollered from the other side of the store. “You gotta see these little onesies, they’re the cutest things EVER!” “I cannot believe you brought her along,” I muttered to Pepper. “You know this is just like a warm up for her, right? She’s doing this as a dry run for when you guys have kids.” He ignored me, picking up a tiny pink cashmere sweater. “I can’t believe you’re gonna have something soon that fits into this. That’s so awesome.” He tossed a bunch of different colors into the cart and I threw up my hands. “You guys are all crazy. You too, buddy,” I pointed at Gio. “Hey man, I get paid to be here,” he grinned. “Where’d she go?” I looked around for Trish. “She’s in the yummy mummy section,” Pep replied absently, looking at the wide variety of baby books the store had in stock. “The what?” “Maternity clothes for the cool mom,” he explained, turning me to face the section he was talking about. I could see James and the top of Trish’s head. Coming up behind them, I saw they were holding up lingerie, and I cleared my throat. “See something you like?” Trish grinned and took off, leaving James holding a hot pink teddy. “N-no?” He threw the teddy over his shoulder and gave me an innocent smile. “You’re pretty…” I laughed and took the teddy from where it had landed. “Nice try. So, you think I should get this, hmm? I don’t have enough lacy, girlie stuff?” I twirled the teddy around on my finger, and he watched, before raising his gaze to meet mine. “Hey, no.” I lowered my voice. “James, we’re in public.” “I know.” He stroked a hand down my side, and then up my stomach and chest, flicking my nipple with his thumb. “There’s a dressing room in the back. A very large dressing room. Perhaps you’d like to try this on? I could help you?” “You are very, very naughty,” I giggled as he guided me through the store towards the back. “Yeah. Move faster.” “Okay, Charlie, you’re doing great. I can see the baby’s head. Another big push, when you’re ready.” I clenched my teeth, forcing myself to push again, as hard as I could. That was enough, it seemed. Dr. Stewart patted my leg gently. “You did fine, sweetie. She’s out.” I watched as the nurses took the baby’s body away, cleaning and wrapping her. Looking up at James, I saw him watching me with concern. “I’m okay,” I whispered. “How’re you?” He nodded. “Same.” Bending to kiss my forehead, he squeezed my hand. He was quiet, stroking my hair as Dr. Stewart cleaned me up. She beckoned for him to join her at the foot of the bed, and spoke softly to him, before ushering the nurses out and closing the door behind her. Standing beside me, he crossed his arms in front of him. “You can see her, if you want. If you don’t want to, I’ll ask them to come and get her. It’s totally up to you.” “I wanna see her. Is that okay?” Wordlessly, he went over to the little bassinet in the corner. I saw him lift a tiny wrapped bundle, and there were tears in his eyes when he came back to sit by me, cradling our infant daughter in his arms. “Here, sweetie.” He passed her to me, and I saw her face, lifeless and still, but beautiful all the same. I touched her little nose, and stroked a finger over her pale cheeks. The blankets fell back from her face, and I gasped. “James…” my breath caught in my throat. “I know, baby.” Her hair, what there was of it, was strawberry blonde. I tugged on the folds of the blankets. “What are you doing?” Unwrapping her completely, I looked down at her body. “This is the only time we’re gonna see her. I need to remember what she looks like.” Sliding an arm around my shoulders, James stretched out on the bed, his other arm wrapped around Caitlin and I, holding us close. “I love you,” he said softly. “Both of you.” Side by side, we traced our fingers over her small form, touching her soft belly, the pads of her feet, each of her tiny little toes, before holding her delicate hands in our own. “She’s perfect,” I whispered. She was, too. A perfect little version of James and I, and what had I done? I’d lost her. “I’m so sorry, baby,” I mumbled. “I should have been more careful. I should have-” “Shhh, darlin’,” he soothed, pulling me closer. “It’s not your fault. Nobody’s fault.” Exhausted, overwhelmed with sadness, I rested my head against his shoulder and sobbed, shaking with grief. We stayed like that until the light faded from the windows, and I eventually dozed off, waking to James speaking my name softly. “What’s wrong?” “I need to take her, sweetie. They need to…do things.” He started to wrap the blankets around her again. I felt like crying again, and tried to fight it. “Okay. Just let me hold her again for a minute?” He nodded, and passed her to me gently. “I’ll go let the nurses know. Be right back.” I watched him go. “That’s your daddy,” I whispered. “And this is silly, since you can’t hear me. I just…I need you to know how much we love you. And how much we’re gonna miss you. But we’ll think of you all the time,” I promised. Probably more than we’ll want to, I thought bitterly. James came back in, and nodded. “Bye, Peanut,” I said softly, kissing her brow. Passing her to James, I lay back on the pillows and closed my eyes. It didn’t matter. The tears fell anyway. The door closed quietly, and James got on the bed beside me again, kissing away my tears. Tucking me against him, he molded his body around mine, and sang quietly, slowly, until the words from “Maybe I’m Amazed” soothed me enough to stop crying. “Pepper wants to come in,” he said finally. “And there are some forms that need to be filled out. How would you feel if he came in here to keep you company while I do that? I won’t be long,” he assured me, lifting my hand to kiss it. Taking a shaky breath, I nodded. “That’s fine. James?” I stopped him as he stood up. “Thank you.” He gave me a blank look. “For staying with me the whole time. For being the strong one. Thank you.” He bent down, cupping my cheek as he kissed me. “I’ll send Pepper in. Be back soon.” I closed my eyes, listening to the steady beeping of the monitor next to me, and only opened them again when the door creaked. “Did you see her?” “I did,” Pepper murmured. “Beautiful, like her mama.” He sat on the edge of the bed. “Are you alright?” “Yeah. Tired and sore, but alright.” “That’s not what I meant.” I sighed. “I know.” “Lars is here. And Trish. And Jan. I asked everyone else to stay away for a bit. Figured you and Het might want some time before you saw people. That okay?” “Yeah. Thank you.” I stared at the sheets for a minute. “Can I have a hug, please?” “Jesus, yes,” he moved up the bed quickly and put his arms around me, being careful not to squeeze too tight. Putting a gentle hand on my stomach, he looked down at me sadly. “It’s weird not to have her there anymore. I’m so used to feeling her kick.” Stroking a hand over my hair, he sat up. “Jan was asking to see you, honey. Are you up to that, or should I tell her to come back later?” “Now’s good.” “Love you,” he murmured, kissing me softly. “I’ll see you soon.” “’kay. Can you find James for me? After Jan visits?” “Yeah. He’s right outside.” “Are you going home?” He shook his head. “Not a chance, baby girl.” I watched him leave, and tried to fight off the waves of sleepiness that crept over me. Jan caught me yawning when she walked in, and she smiled, pulling a chair up to the bed. “You’ve had a long day.” I smiled weakly and nodded. “Thanks for coming to see us.” She put her hand over mine and squeezed gently. “James said she was beautiful.” “She was. I’m sorry you didn’t get to see her. “It’s alright, sweetie.” She looked at me for a long moment before she spoke again. “I think her grandfather and great-grandfather are looking after her now, you know.” I smiled for the first time in hours, comforted slightly by the thought of Cliff and Ray taking care of her. “I really hope so.” Without asking, she seemed to understand how tired I was, and held my hand silently, sitting with me until Pepper came back. Jan kissed my forehead and said she’d be back in the morning to visit. “How you doin’?” Pep said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. I shrugged. “Could you ask James to come in?” He nodded. “I will when I see him next. He took off again, I think he went to see Lars. I’m sure he’ll be back soon, doll. You need anything? The nurses said I should probably let you sleep for a bit. But I’ll be right outside, and I’ll send James in when he comes back.” “Okay. If you need to go home…” He shook his head. “Right outside.” I kissed his cheek when he bent down, and then slid down the bed, pulling the blankets over me, and fell asleep almost instantly. Waking up some time later, I found I was still alone in the room. Taking the robe Pepper had brought for me from home, I wrapped it around me and stepped into my slippers. It hurt to move, but I wanted to find James. Opening the door to my room, I saw Pepper dozing in the chair across the hall, his jacket draped over his chest. Not wanting to wake him, I started down the hall on my own. I turned the corner and stopped dead. A young couple was peering in a large window on the left side of the hallway, their hands pressed against the glass. Forcing myself to move closer to them, I stopped a few feet from the window, my heart in my throat. The woman turned and smiled at me, practically glowing with happiness. “Hi,” she beamed. “Is one of these yours?” “Ours is the little princess on the bottom right.” The man tapped the glass lightly, wrapping an arm around the mother’s waist. I swallowed hard, and tried to summon a smile. “She’s beautiful,” I managed, looking at row after row of babies, all of whom seemed to be crying. Thinking my heart couldn’t shatter further, I stepped back from the glass, closing my eyes. James. Find James. I stumbled forward, leaving the happy couple behind me, and turned down another corridor, following the signs for the hospital chapel. If I couldn’t find James, at least I could find somewhere to sit down for a moment. Pushing open the door, I felt relief wash over me as I saw James sitting in the front row of chairs, head in his hands. I moved forward slowly, stopping when I heard him speak. “I don’t know what to do anymore, man. I know you probably can’t hear me, but…fuck. If you can? I need you, Cliff.” His voice broke on the last word. “Everything’s just gone so horribly wrong. First your dad, and then all that shit with Charlie, and now the baby,” he whispered. “I’ve never wanted a goddamn beer so bad in my whole life. Even just one… Fuck, man, I’d settle for a joint, and smoke it in your honor.” He dropped his head lower, clasping his hands behind his neck. “I need to be strong for her. I know. But it’s so. Fucking. Hard. I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know the words to say or the things to do. I feel like I’m five seconds away from losing my shit, and she’s expecting me to save the fucking world.” His shoulders shook, and the last remnants of my heart fell into pieces. “I don’t have the strength to do this anymore.” I backed away silently, careful not to let him see me, and waited until I was well down the hallway before I let the tears flow. |
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And I hope James and Charlie don't start fighting again, I hate to see them fight. I grew up with my parents fighting a lot, and I hate that, I don't want to sound like an emo, but that's how I feel

8:39 PM Jul 10