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To Live is to Die
Topic Started: March 5, 2008, 12:49 am (59,962 Views)
Mina
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Morgenstern
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Of course we're still interested, luv, you're story is absolutely addictive :biggrin
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Arrrrgh! I've been gone so long and there isn't one single update to read. Damn. Well, yeah. Take your time and stuff. :] And I'm definitely interested. Very much so.
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Metalicious
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Blackened
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*GINORMOUS SIGH*

It's like pulling teeth. Honestly. I have crap written for way ahead of the next few chapters, it's just the 'getting there' stuff that's taking forever.

Short chapter. Stay tuned.

************************************************


The kids were still totally engrossed in the movie when I went back upstairs, and I slipped in between Cali and Cella, wrapping an arm around each of them. Cella snuggled up to my side and stretched her legs out so they lay across Castor, who good-naturedly draped his arms over them. I smiled at how sweet they were together, and ignored the little voice in my head that wanted to focus on the fact that Caitlin would never get to know her brother and sisters.

James came up a half hour later, instructing the kids to gather up any of the stuff they wanted to take to Fran's.

"Are you coming to mama's?" Cella asked, looking up at me, confused.

"No, baby," I kissed the top of her head. "Just you guys."

She nodded slowly, and then grinned. "I can call you!"

She'd taken to chatting with me when Cali called on occasion if they were staying with Fran, and the phone often had to be pried away from her.

"You sure can. Anytime you like. Go get your things, I'll come down before you have to go."

Feeling James' eyes on me as Cella headed downstairs, I bent to tidy the cushions on the couch and set about picking up toys. Filing the DVDs that were strewn across the floor, I stood up turned to find James directly in front of me.

"I'll have my cell with me," he said softly, cupping my cheek.

"Okay," I replied, staring at his chest, unable to look any higher.

"You can call anytime."

I nodded.

"You gonna be okay here on your own?"

"Yup." I took slow, even breaths, fighting the tears that were appearing out of nowhere. "You should get going," I said, and turned to finish tidying.

He sighed. "Aren't you coming down to say goodbye to the kids?"

Shit. "Yeah. I'll be down in a minute." God! Why wouldn't he just leave so I could quietly fall apart?

"Charlie..." he put a hand on my shoulder, turning me to face him. "Look at me."

Nearly stomping my foot in frustration, I swiped at my eyes and did as he asked.

Cupping my face, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to my lips before pulling me into a hug. "You're angry." He said it matter-of-factly, not a question, and not as if he were surprised.

"I'm not." I pushed against his chest, lifting my head so I could see him. "I promise I'm not." I didn't want him to think I was mad that he was leaving me. I knew he needed to go. He wouldn't leave if it weren't absolutely necessary, if he didn't really, really need to get away. At least, I didn't think he would. "I'm fine. Really. Just go...do whatever you need to do. I'm okay."

He stroked a hand over my hair. "I just need-"

"Time. I know. I don't know what you want me to say. I said I'm fine with you leaving. I understand that you need to go. I haven't asked you to stay. I haven't asked you for anything except-" I stopped.

"Except to pretend we're okay," he finished for me, pointedly, remembering the night before. "And I can't keep doing that. You might be alright, Charlie, but I'm not. I'm really not."

"I know that. And I'm glad you're taking care of it. It's probably kinda scary."

He looked at me for a moment, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah, it is."

Both of us seemed to be unsure of what to say next, so I wrapped an arm around his waist, pressing my face to his chest, memorizing the steady bump of his heartbeat. Sliding my hands under his shirt, I stroked my fingertips over his warm skin. He let out a low rumble of contentment, tightening his hold on me, and I squeezed my arms tighter around him in return. "Love you," I whispered.

"Thank you," he murmured. "That makes this a little less scary."

For you maybe, I thought absently. "Good."

"What're you gonna do while I'm gone?" he asked quietly.

"Dunno. I haven't had a lot of time to think about it. Probably have really wild parties. Sleep until noon, stay out all night. That kinda thing."

He was silent, and I knew he was waiting for a serious answer.

"Eat, sleep and cry, I expect," I finally said. "With a few obligatory phone calls to Pepper in there."

He chuckled. "And a few to me, I hope?"

"Well, yeah. That goes without saying." I looked up at him, and stepped back. He looked like he didn't believe me at all. "James...I'll call. I'm not going anywhere." Oh my God. "Is that why this is so scary for you? Because you think the minute you're out the door with the kids I'm gonna bolt?"

He swallowed hard, and spoke slowly. "You have a history of leaving."

"And you have a history of being an asshole!" I spat back.

"Are you and dada fighting?" Castor spoke behind me. I hadn't even heard him come up the stairs.

James shot me a 'see what you've done?' look and went to him. "No, buddy."

"Yes, actually," I corrected him, shrugging when James glared at me. "What? We are."

Castor shifted his weight from foot to foot, looking back and forth between James and I, his hands in his back pockets, looking like a smaller version of his father. "But you love him, right?" he looked at me, as if to double check. "Cause you tell him all the time. And you're not supposed to say bad words to people you love."

"I do love him," I assured Castor. "Very much. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to wrestle him to the ground on occasion and tickle him until he begs for mercy." I tilted my head. "Oh, wait," I grinned at him. "That's what I do to you!" I lunged for him and he squealed as I tickled his sides. I let up eventually, hugging him close to me when he'd finally stopped laughing. We both sat on the floor, with James standing over us. "I do love your daddy," I said again, kissing the top of his head. "We were just having an argument."

"Like when you and me fought about who should get the last piece of Mrs. D's peach cobbler?" he looked up at me earnestly.

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing, and touched my nose to his."Something like that, but a bit more serious."

"I don't know," James said, and I didn't have to look up to know he was smirking. "I remember that dinner, and you were pretty serious about that peach cobbler."

"What's going on?" Cali stood at the top of the stairs, holding Cella's hand in hers.

"Papa an' Charlie were fighting," Castor announced. "She called him a bad word."

Cali grinned at me. "Which one?"

James and I burst out laughing, and I shook my head. "Not important. I shouldn't have said it. It was uncalled for," I said, looking up at James.

"You're not s'posed to say mean things to your family," Cella advised me. "It's not nice."

"I already told her that," Castor assured her.

"I can't believe this," I laughed. "I'm being tag-teamed by the Little Hets."

"We prefer Team Hetfield," James winked.

"Yeah," Castor linked his arms around my neck. "Team Hetfield. And you're on Team Hetfield, so you gotta be nicer to the captain," he giggled, looking very pleased with his analogy.

"The captain? How come he gets to be the captain?" I gestured towards James.

"Cause he's the biggest," Cella informed me seriously, with James nodding along in agreement and what looked like pure glee.

"Team Hetfield," I muttered, getting off the floor. "Shameful, filling your children's minds with such propaganda," I mock-glared at James. "What am I, then?"

"I'm afraid you've just been demoted to water boy," he patted my head, ducking when I moved to swat at him. "Hey, easy now, I'm the captain."

The kids filed down the stairs, and I stopped James for a moment. "I'm not leaving. I'll be here when you get back. A week, two weeks, however long you need. I'm not going anywhere. I don't know how to get you to believe me-"

"I believe you," he said quickly. "I guess I just needed to hear it some more."

I let out a long, slow breath. "Are you sure you don't want me to drive you there?"

He shook his head. "It's not that I don't want you to come, but it's a 45 minute drive, and it'll be late by the time I get there. I just don't like the idea of you driving all the way back alone." He tucked my hair behind my ear and dropped his hand to my shoulder. "It just seems kinda soon for that, y'know?"

I nodded. "I understand." I did, and was grateful that he'd explained himself, rather than just let me think he didn't want me around.

"I put the contact details in your Blackberry. If you can't reach me on the cell, or whatever, and you need to get through..."

"Thank you." I felt like I had a hundred questions I wanted to ask him - how long was he really going to stay? How was this supposed to work? Was I really free to call him anytime? Was he about to spend the next week or two talking to some strangers about how he was angry with me and how I was slowly but surely pushing him off the wagon? I swallowed all of my questions and simply slipped my hand in his. "I'll walk you out."

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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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I'm afraid that I don't believe that you're capable of writing crap.

I loved this update. The kids are so sweet, and James is too. I'm glad he's not shutting Charlie out or anything. I kinda think that Charlie's little argument with James wasn't really needed. I mean, I don't think that Charlie had a reason to get upset - I don't see how James was being an asshole by thinking that Charlie might leave. If I were him, I'd be afraid of the same thing... I'm glad that they're... somewhat okay, though, and I really hope that Charlie will call James if she needs to.. or even if she doesn't. :)

More soon I hope. :heart: :heart:
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Metalicious
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Blackened
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LOL - I just meant I've got lots of "stuff" written, but I have to bridge the chapters between what's posted and what I've written.

I think Charlie's overreacting too (and I made her that way :lol: ) and bringing up the past, when James actually was an asshole, isn't really fair in a current argument. I think these two still have a ways to go before everything will be okay again. Glad you're still enjoying. :wink

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elena
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Outlaw Torn
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I'm so happy becuse you post again! :nanner: :tu:
I also think that Charlie overreacting a little. :biggrin .But is realy hard for her because she lost her baby and she thinks that she will lost James too.It's very hard for both.I hope it will be ok after he will come back from rehab! :heart:
Write more soon,please!I love this fiction a lot! :heart: :heart: :heart:
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PurpleRose
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Frantic
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So glad you have updated :nanner:

Looking forward to more soon :)
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Virtual Bettie
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Poor Twisted Me
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A shortie, but a goodie. Thanks for that, it put a big dorky smile on my face.
Love 'Team Hetfield', I can totally see James calling the kids that.
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Mina
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Morgenstern
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Just a day at home to catch up with all the stuff here and I just LOVE the chapter.
I'm very happy that the fiction got updated again and I have to agree with Minna. You don't seem to be able to write crap, the chapter's very good, as always :D
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neonguitarstrings
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Bad Seed
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To The Author:

I really do appriciate you writing a story like this.I find myself comparing my life to Charlie sometimes,since we both have been through simular situtions; aka.rape and the after effect.
The story really did help me out.It made me realize that I needed to talk to people about this problem that was effecting me,before it controled my life.

so thank you,alot.
i know there hasnt been an update since August (N),but i really like the story.
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Metalicious
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Blackened
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Hi Neon,
Wow - I don't really know what to say! I'm so glad that you want to get help, and I'm so sorry that you went through that.
*hugs* And I'll try to update soon!
Jill
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Fade_To_Black
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Bad Seed
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Ah ive not posted here for an age! Been watching and praying for an update though :) This has to be one of the best stories ive ever read, probably cause its got two of my fave men in it; Pep and Het :heart: hehe

Girl you are such an amazing writer, i love how this story is set! I look forward to reading more. Have you written any more stories or is this the only one?
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Metalicious
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Blackened
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Hi chick.
I've got a few others (all are works in progress). One's called In the Arms of God, a prequel to this, with Charlie & Pepper. Another is called Summer Sanitarium, about an all-girl band touring with the guys during the Escape from the Studio gigs. And the third one I started and stopped so fast that I got whiplash. I think it was called So What, and James was the only Met guy in it.
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Fade_To_Black
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Bad Seed
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They sound wicked hun, especially ITAOG! Would love to give that a read one day! :horns2

Oh and also i found this Pepper board when i was googling him and it seems you're on it, but no-one seems to have posted since '07 haha i arrived too late :(
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Samyzvezda
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Poor Twisted Me
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WOW...this story is absolutely addictive...
...hope to read some more soon...
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