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| To Live is to Die | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: March 5, 2008, 12:49 am (59,944 Views) | |
| PurpleRose | March 15, 2011, 10:46 pm Post #496 |
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Frantic
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Thank you Metalicious. It's so wonderful to read an update The trouble is you always leave us wanting more!
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| Hawkeye | May 16, 2011, 10:30 pm Post #497 |
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Blackened
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BUMP! Update plz! |
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| Metalicious | August 2, 2011, 12:26 pm Post #498 |
Blackened
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We headed down the stairwell, with James ducking his head under the low stone ceiling. I ground to a halt at the bottom of the stairs, confused, and then shocked. "Guess they do light it with candles," James murmured beside me. The room was ablaze with light. White candles of every size were strewn all over the floor. Speechless, I looked over at James. "C'mere." He gestured for me to sit down, pulling me to the floor with him. He pulled a crumpled scrap of paper from the pocket of his jeans. "I've been carrying this around for weeks." Gently flattening the paper, he handed it to me, but I already knew what it was. The dimensions were the same, and I recognized the faint watermark of a church on the back. "How did you get this?" I traced a finger over the writing, and stared at him, tears stinging my eyes. "I went there the day after you did, to light a candle for her. And this was still pinned to the board at the back the church. I knew it was yours." I nodded, tears streaming down my face. "I didn't put it there for you to see. They normally take them down every evening so the priest will read them-" He put a hand to my lips, silencing me. "It's okay. I know." Looking down at the page, the letters faded and worn, he read what I'd written. "'For Caitlin, who I lost, and for James, who I'm losing. I would do anything'... You didn't finish," he said softly, lifting his gaze to mine. "I started crying," I sniffled. "And there was only one pencil, and another lady was waiting." The corners of his mouth turned up, and he pulled me closer. "They should really have more than one pencil." "I know!" I wailed. "What would you have said? If you'd finished it?" He traced his fingers down my cheeks, wiping at the lines of moisture from my tears. I stared at the ground, shrugging, and wiped my nose on my sleeve. "That was the gist of it. I would do anything. Anything to be with you. Anything to make you happy. Anything to undo all the hurt I caused you," I said, trying to swallow around the huge lump in my throat. "I'd never leave you again." He pressed his forehead to mine. "Yeah, well, you can't leave me." Sitting up again, he shot me a grin. "At least not til tomorrow. That’s how long we have the place rented out." I laughed, and it came out sounding slightly hysterical. "Okay." He shifted me in his arms so I was leaning back against his chest, and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "How do you do that?" he asked softly. I craned my neck around to face him. "Do what?" "Smell the same no matter where we are," he grinned. He sniffed me, nuzzling my neck. "It's the same scent as whenever I wake up next to you. You're all warm and sleepy and cuddly and your skin smells like vanilla and your hair smells like coconut. It's enough to make a man want to stay in bed forever." I smiled, looking around. "Bed, I understand. Dark, damp, stone building? Not so much." "Maybe not," he murmured, still nuzzling my cheek and neck, pressing soft kisses to my skin. "But I like the forever part." I felt like my heart might have stopped. "What?" I whispered. He wrapped his arm tighter around my waist. "Yeah. I've been carrying this other thing around for weeks, too..." He dug in his pocket and laid his hand on mine. "Baby, assuming my knees allow me to get off the floor at some point," he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. "Will you marry me?" He opened his fist so I could see the diamond ring that lay in his palm. "You've had this in your pocket for weeks?" I said incredulously. "Mmhmm." I touched the silver band, watching the stone sparkle even in the dim light of the ruins. "Weren't you scared you might lose it?" He laughed. "Uh, no. I am not the one who loses shit." I gasped, narrowing my eyes at him. "Hey! I'm not that bad." He raised an eyebrow. "You've lost your key card in every hotel we've stayed in, you can't keep track of your security pass, like, ever, and you left your shoes at the bar in two different cities!" He had a point. "Yeah, alright." I realized I still hadn't answered him. I picked up the ring, holding it between my thumb and index finger. "You know, I used to wake up at night and watch you sleep. It always took all my willpower not to wake you up so I could tell you how happy you made me." "I wouldn't have minded," he kissed the tip of my nose. "And I'd think how lucky I was to have such a handsome, sweet man, snoring his ass off beside me-" "I do not snore," he interrupted. "I beg to differ. And I'd run my fingers over your tattoos," I continued, trailing my fingertips over his chest, where the names of his children lay under his shirt. "And I'd wish that I was as permanent as the ink on your skin. And then," I glanced up, "if you were sleeping naked I'd sneak a look at your butt." He laughed, wrapping his arms around me. "Is that a yes?" "That's a hell yes." |
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| jaymzbabe | August 3, 2011, 11:59 am Post #499 |
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Blackened
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they are getting married
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| Metalicious | August 4, 2011, 8:09 am Post #500 |
Blackened
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Aaaaaaaaand...the final installment. Sorry if it seems rushed, I'm anxious to actually finish a story. **************************************************************************** I stood in front of the mirror, trying to fix my eyeliner. The door behind me opened and I gasped as James appeared, a finger over his lips. 'Trish is gonna kick your ass if she finds you in here,' I whispered, secretly thrilled to see him. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, placing a gentle kiss on my neck. 'I had to see you.' Meeting my eyes in the mirror, he smiled at me. 'You look so beautiful, baby. Makes me wanna tear that dress right off you.' I giggled, tilting my head up for a kiss. 'You can, but not for another…' I glanced at his watch. 'Five hours and twenty minutes. Think you can wait that long?' He turned me around to face him, cupping my cheek. 'It'll be a struggle,' he murmured, pressing a light kiss to my lips. He linked his hands behind me and rested his forehead against mine. 'Love you.' 'You, too, baby.' I slid my arms around his waist and leaned in, kissing the hollow of his throat. 'Where's Keenan?' 'With his godfather. Have I told you how beautiful you look?' I smiled, looking up at him. 'Couple of times. You look pretty good, yourself.' He kissed the top of my head. 'You nervous?' 'Excited. You?' 'Little of both. Fuck, you even smell more delicious than usual. Are you doing this on purpose, to torture me?' He nuzzled my neck and I squirmed as his nose tickled the sensitive spot beneath my ear. 'No! Stop that,' I laughed, wriggling away from him. The door swung open and Trish gave an exasperated sigh before turning to the hallway. 'I found them,' she called. 'They're in here, looking nauseatingly in love.' She winked at me, and then glared at James. 'You know you're not supposed to be in here.' He moved so he was behind me. 'But she looks so pretty...' She pointed to the hallway. 'Out!' Pepper appeared in the door, bouncing a happy, gurgling Keenan in his arms. 'Sorry, buddy,' he glanced apologetically at James. 'I tried to distract her but she saw right through me.' Passing thirteen month old Keenan to his father, Pep leaned in to kiss my cheek. 'You look amazing, baby girl. I'll be outside when you're ready. C'mon, darlin',' he took Trish’s hand. 'Five minutes, pal,' Trish narrowed her eyes at James, who held the baby in front of him, as though he were warding her off. 'See you soon, sweetpea,' she cooed, giggling when Keenan squealed and blew a raspberry at her. They closed the door behind them, and I leaned against James, watching Keenan stare up at his daddy. 'Big day, little man,' James said quietly. 'Gonna marry your mama.' He squeezed his arm tight around me and I smiled, feeling tears gather in my eyes. 'Wanna show your mom the surprise we've been working on? Say, 'mama',' he prompted. 'Ball!' Keenan responded enthusiastically, and I burst out laughing. 'Good for you, sweetie,' I kissed his chubby little cheek, inhaling the soft, baby scent of him. 'We should let you finish getting ready, hmm?' James kissed my forehead and stepped back. 'Isn't your mama the most beautiful woman in the whole world?' he looked expectantly at Keenan. 'Apple!' he grinned. James rolled his eyes. 'He does this on purpose, I swear.' 'Aww, are you winding up your poor papa?' Taking the baby from James' arms, I took his small, plump hand in mine and waltzed around the room with him. 'You better save me another dance later, mister. I know there are lots of pretty girls here, but you gotta dance with your mom at least once, okay?' 'Mamamamamama,' he babbled, and James' face lit up. 'See? He knows it!' 'Of course he knows it; he’s the smartest baby ever,' I giggled, and James grinned. Jan had fallen head over heels for Keenan the moment she saw him, and every time he did something new, she proclaimed he was the brightest child she'd ever seen. Holding his arms out to James, Keenan wriggled impatiently. 'Da! Ba da da ba!' he scolded, and I looked at James. 'That's new. Is that…you?' 'Guess so. Ready to go, buddy? We gotta take off or your aunty Trish will have a fit,' he whispered as Trish knocked and entered at the same time. 'See you soon, Tink.' He kissed my cheek. 'Say 'bye', little man.' 'Bye bye bye bye,' he waved as James carried him out. I waved back at the two men I most adored, and Trish looped an arm around my neck. 'Aren't they awesome?' I sniffed, dabbing at my eyes with the tissue she'd handed me. 'They certainly are. Think Keenan would like a playmate?' I looked at her. 'You think I should have ANOTHER baby? Dude...it's a little soon, don't you think? I mean, Lindsay was an awesome surrogate, but I don't think she'd take too kindly to doing it again. It's barely been a year!' She laughed and shook her head. 'I meant me. I'm pregnant.' I stared at her in shock. 'You're...having a baby?' 'That's pretty much what it means, yes,' she giggled. I yanked her into a fierce hug, and both of us were crying when we parted. 'Oh my god! I can't believe...have you told Pep?' She nodded. 'Just now. I left him standing in the hallway, looking stunned with this huge grin on his face.' 'How many weeks?' 'Ten.' She took a deep breath and smiled. 'Did you know he has a history of twins in his family?' I bit my lip and tried not to laugh. 'Mmm hmm. You'll be fine, sweetie. James and I will do babysitting duty anytime.' She smoothed a hand over her dress and blotted her eyes with the tissue. 'Okay. We can talk about this later. Right now, we need to, um, reapply your makeup, and we've got about ten minutes before I need to hand you over to Pep.' We managed to get through the next few minutes without any more tears, and she hugged me tightly before letting Pep into the room. I watched as he whispered something in her ear, laying a hand on her stomach, and she smiled serenely. Twins or not, they were going to be fabulous parents. 'All set, baby girl?' he asked when Trish had left. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak without crying again. He led me down the hall, and stopped outside the double doors. 'You seen the inside yet?' I smiled. 'Trish and I came down for a peek earlier while they were setting up. It looks amazing.' After waiting for the tour to finish, and taking several months to get into the groove of parenting an infant, James and I had initially agreed on a small wedding. But as the guest list grew larger and larger, we realised that it might be kind of fun to invite everyone we knew, and just have a huge party, with the wedding in the middle of it. Father Sean had agreed to marry us, though not before reminding me that he'd be going straight to hell for presiding over the marriage of a Protestant and a man who sang about fucking goats. He'd recommended an old cathedral on the outskirts of the city, and we'd booked it immediately, loving the huge archways and the grand interior. I'd hired a group of girls from Trish's magazine to do the decor, and they'd filled the church with flowers and candles, without straying too far from its classic look. Pep pushed open the doors, and I felt my heart speed up as I saw how full the place was. I knew we'd invited a lot of people, and I'd met a ton of James' family and friends over the past few days, but seeing everyone in one place was a bit overwhelming. 'Easy, baby girl. All you gotta do is walk in a straight line and say 'I do'. Just keep your eyes on your boys.' I followed his gaze to the front of the church, where James was rocking Keenan back and forth in his arms. Trish appeared in front of us. 'Ready?' I nodded, and she cued the trio of violinists. I watched her walk down the aisle ahead of us, and glanced at Pep, giggling as he winked at me. 'Hate to see her leave, LOVE to watch her walk away,' he whispered. 'She does look beautiful,' I agreed. 'We're up, darlin',' he said as Trish neared the end of the aisle. The music changed, and the entire room of people stood up and turned. I held Pep's arm and he placed his other hand over mine, escorting me down the aisle at exactly the speed we'd practiced the night before. 'Congratulations, by the way,' I whispered to him, smiling at Woody as we passed him. 'Thank you. Does this mean I have to name the baby after James?' I nodded. 'Course it does. You think we named our baby Keenan Clifford Tyler Hetfield for fun? It's tradition, now, pal.' He chuckled and patted my hand. 'Stop talking. Just focus on looking pretty and not tripping.' We reached the front of the church and Pepper kissed my hand. 'Love you.' He held his arm out to James. 'Trade ya.' Taking Keenan in his arms, he snuggled the baby close before taking his place beside James. 'Gang's all here,' James said quietly, nodding his head towards the rows and rows of pews. I turned, looking out over the large crowd. The three other members of Met were in the front pew, with their respective wives and girlfriends, and I smiled at Lars, watching as his fiance cuddled up against him. Mr. and Mrs. Deanez were behind them, sitting with Jan and several of Cliff's relatives. Woody was a few rows back with five year old Lily, and her mother Vivian, Trish's aunt. She'd divorced her husband shortly after Trish and Pep's wedding, and had been seeing Woody for almost a year. Lily waved at me from her place on Woody's lap and I gave a little wave back. And closer to the front, with Skylar looking very grown up beside him, was Sully. They'd flown out the week before and spent a couple of days at the house with James and I. Sully and James jammed in the basement while Skylar, Keenan and I went for walks on the beach with the dogs. He was seeing a lovely girl, Laura, but she hadn't been able to make the trip. James and I had met her when Met toured the East Coast after Christmas, and both of us agreed that it'd be a short time before we got the invite to their wedding. Taking one last look to the back of the church, I blinked as I saw Cliff standing there, leaning against the back wall, arms folded across his chest. He smiled at me, and I heard James inhale sharply. 'Can you see him?' I asked softly without turning. 'Yeah. I can. Do you think anyone else can?' 'Nah. But if we keep staring at him, they're all gonna turn to see what we're looking at,' I giggled. 'Ready to do this?' He took both of my hands in his, squeezing them gently. I looked at Pepper, who was busy trying to extract his tie from Keenan's little fist, and smiled at my gorgeous son, who grinned back at me. 'Absolutely.' James nodded at Father Sean, who smiled at us, and began. 'Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today...' |
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| jaymzbabe | August 4, 2011, 8:45 am Post #501 |
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Blackened
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what an amazing story!! And they have a little boy too But i am sad to see the story end
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| Metalicious | September 29, 2011, 11:05 am Post #502 |
Blackened
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Thanks! This was so much fun to write. |
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| Met77star | October 21, 2011, 6:33 pm Post #503 |
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Frantic
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Wow! I was SO able to picture it all like a perfect movie scene, as always! ![]() Really sad to see it all end, but I guess I'll be reading the whole thing again some day. Like we say here in Norway: All good things come in three's! Perfect end to a fantastic story! Thanks again, you! (got some recommendations for what to read next?? ;) |
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| Wishful | May 3, 2012, 4:53 am Post #504 |
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Cliff and Lars Lover
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Well this has taken me 5 days to read. U know what I fucking love this story I could read this over and over and over again and never ever get bored of reading it! Jill u are an amazing writer, I have laughed and cried and gone thru a whole range of emotions reading this and I loved every minute! Thank u so much for re-posting this story.
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| Rockfan71 | June 11, 2015, 5:14 am Post #505 |
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Frantic
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Though this story has been finished long ago, I still felt I had to leave a word or two...maybe 200 This story has kept me busy reading for nearly a full week. Reading whenever I could and mostly well into the wee hours. A wonderful story with, imo, great characterizations, a wonderful awesome kick ass girl for our beloved James AND with a happy ending. This story was worth every minute I spend on it. Thank you from a Dutch Metallica fan who's new to the world of forums & awesome 'tallica fanfiction.
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| Metalicious | June 11, 2015, 1:57 pm Post #506 |
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Thank you Rockfan71! I'm only on here sporadically anymore, but it's always lovely to read a note from someone who enjoyed the story. I had so much fun writing it.
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| Dragonlove | September 6, 2015, 8:58 pm Post #507 |
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Frantic
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Phew. What a Roller-Coaster. I am pretty sure I NEVER dreamt about a fanfic before, no matter the fandom, but with this? Two nights in a row. Great strory, great characters, great drama great work! I'm glad it came to a good ending and Charlie never got abducted *shudders at the thought* but I'm really sad to leave this story behind. i hope I'll get the chance to read some more of your work!
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| kaguragirl | May 8, 2017, 5:37 pm Post #508 |
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Bad Seed
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I read this fanfic in, like, three sittings this February (this is what you call addictive! ) and at first I didn't want to comment as I was too angry at the vivid memory of Charlie being a slut in the beginning, but as time went on I kept catching myself thinking about this story, moreover I kept myself involuntarily plagiarizing you in my own fics, so I guessed the time had come to congratulate you for this masterpiece ![]() I don't want to copy-paste what I wrote to Olya for "I'm The One" (this was a very similar reading experience for me) but let's just say you'd deserve the same amount of praise for these in-depth psychological analyses and vocabulary skills. I'm still not one of Charlie's biggest fans but the main reason I have been wondering about this story for so long had to be that I slowly started to forgive her and appreciate her character development. You've really come a long way with her, she's gotten much more lovable and wise towards the end, but nonetheless you explained her early, questionable choices ingeniously as well. And of course, I loved your whole arc, not to mention the sexy times... I won't bore you longer, I'm sure you're already aware of your talent, but I'd like you to know that I was super-devastated not to find any more fics from you in this category ![]() I hope my message finds you well someday and you'll know that you've made yet another life more amazing for a couple of days! I'll never forget this fic!
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| Metalicious | June 16, 2017, 10:15 am Post #509 |
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LOL! I'm glad you enjoyed at least parts of it I never wanted to make Charlie perfect (that'd be no fun!) and she was already too much of a "Mary-Sue" as it was, but I sure enjoyed writing the story. I'm currently trying to get back into the groove of the other James-centric fic I've got on the back burner ("Rescue Me") but it's not a romance - no slutty times - just a fun piece to write. Thanks for reading!
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![]](http://z1.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)
The trouble is you always leave us wanting more!





) and at first I didn't want to comment as I was too angry at the vivid memory of Charlie being a slut in the beginning, but as time went on I kept catching myself thinking about this story, moreover I kept myself involuntarily plagiarizing you in my own fics, so I guessed the time had come to congratulate you for this masterpiece 
I'm still not one of Charlie's biggest fans but the main reason I have been wondering about this story for so long had to be that I slowly started to forgive her and appreciate her character development. You've really come a long way with her, she's gotten much more lovable and wise towards the end, but nonetheless you explained her early, questionable choices ingeniously as well. And of course, I loved your whole arc, not to mention the sexy times...
I'll never forget this fic!
I never wanted to make Charlie perfect (that'd be no fun!) and she was already too much of a "Mary-Sue" as it was, but I sure enjoyed writing the story. I'm currently trying to get back into the groove of the other James-centric fic I've got on the back burner ("Rescue Me") but it's not a romance - no slutty times

8:37 PM Jul 10