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| To Live is to Die | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: March 5, 2008, 12:49 am (59,972 Views) | |
| Metalicious | March 28, 2008, 7:32 am Post #91 |
Blackened
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Thanks for the lovely comments, everyone! I'm glad you all enjoy Charlie's adventures as much as I do. Maisy, you're psychic. Charlie & Sully hit the spa in this next update! The hotel didn't have one when I wrote this, but they're actually opening one in September of this year. Weird. Verity, I try not to get too worked up writing the naughty scenes, but my mind does tend to wander. Lucifer's Angel (I didn't want to shorten that to just 'Lucifer', lol), thanks for reading! I think James is just trying to do the right thing instead of what he wants. I can't imagine Real Life Hetfield would let anybody make him do something he didn't want to... not for long, anyway. Mina, glad you liked the hot parts. No worries about replies - there's so much good stuff to read on here. It would take ages to reply to everything! But thanks for replying when you do. ****************************************************** I woke again a few hours later, Lars’ face inches away from my own, his jade eyes wide open. He was running his hand up and down my arm. “Morning, little one,” he said softly. I smiled and rubbed my eyes. “Morning, Danish. Whassa time?” I mumbled. “It’s just past six. I’ve got a couple interviews to do outside the city, I’ve gotta get going,” he brushed a hand over my hair and leaned in for a kiss. “Sully’s gonna hang with you today.” He saw the expression on my face and chuckled. “Don’t give me that look. I don’t want you to be alone, and Phil and Shan are busy. You’ll be fine. He promised not to molest you unless I’m around.” He shot me a grin and I giggled. “I’ll be back tonight, we can do dinner if you like, okay? Just the two of us?” I nodded and slid an arm around his waist, snuggling up to him. “Just the two of us sounds good.” “Cool. I gotta go shower. You should go back to sleep, it’s too early for you to get up.” He started to back away and I tightened my hold around him. “Hey,” he laughed. “I really do need to shower. The limo’s picking me up in like twenty minutes.” He kissed me lightly on the mouth and then drew the blankets over me. “Sleep, little one. I think Sully’s got a pretty full day planned, you’ll need your rest.” I closed my eyes and listened as he got up and ran the water. Several minutes later I felt his lips on my forehead before he left the suite. I tried to get back to sleep, but couldn’t. James’ phone call kept replaying itself over and over in my mind. Why the hell had I told him I missed him? Didn’t matter that it was true, I shouldn’t have said it. What kind of hypocrite was I? Throwing him out of my house and then being all ‘ooh, I miss you James’ down the fucking phone. God. I mentally smacked my head and sighed. Suddenly the blankets were lifted and yanked over my head, trapping me beneath them. I turned to face Sully in the darkness under the covers and he grinned at me. “Would you shut up? I can fucking hear you thinking all the way on the other side of the bed! Some of us are tryin’ to get some sleep around here,” he scolded me and I laughed. “That’s better,” he said quietly and smiled at me. Scooting closer he peered at me in the dim light. “What’s got you so pensive this early in the day? You missin’ Ulrich already?” I shook my head. “You feeling weird about last night still?” I shook my head again. He sighed. “You feel shitty about the call from Het?” I nodded and he frowned at me. “C’mere,” he sighed again, pulling me close. “Stop worrying. Wasn’t it his idea that you hang out with Lars more? Wasn’t he the one who told you he thought you had feelings for Lars? And didn’t you make him leave your house cause you were fed up with his bullshit? Why are you so worried? You did what he suggested, and then you stood up for yourself when you felt you were being hurt.” I thought for a minute. “God…I really ramble. I told you all that stuff?” He laughed and rubbed my back, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek. “Yeah, you did. It’s cool, I’m flattered you can be that open with me.” Rolling onto his back, he pushed the covers down and wrapped an arm around me, pulling me to his side. “Go back to sleep, girl. If you have some thinking about James to do, it can wait until you’re a little more rested. I’m takin’ you all over town today, and you ain’t coppin’ out halfway through, so get some shut-eye while you can,” he smiled at me. I smiled back and leaned over to kiss him. He closed his eyes and brushed his lips over mine softly. Slinging an arm over his side, I pressed my mouth to his, harder. He went along with it for a moment, and ran a hand up under my tee shirt, fingertips gently caressing my back, before he pulled away and rested his forehead against mine. I wondered if he was adhering to the ‘no molesting Charlie’ rule Lars had apparently arranged, or if he’d had his fun the night before, and wasn’t interested in anything else. Reading my mind, he opened his eyes and grinned. “Don’t tempt me, doll, I have strict orders to behave myself. Lars woke me after you went back to sleep earlier, to tell me in no uncertain terms that he’s our chaperone.” He laughed a little. “I think he just doesn’t wanna miss out.” I smiled and snuggled against his side, closing my eyes and relaxing as Sully drew the blankets over us, and rubbed my back til I fell asleep. When I woke again, the clock beside the bed said nine a.m., and Sully was already up. I pushed the covers down and slid off the bed, opening the bedroom door to see him sprawled on the couch, in his boxers and a tee shirt, watching sports highlights on tv. He held out a hand without looking up, and I took it. Pulling me down beside him, he wrapped both arms around me and leaned back against the couch. “Breakfast’s on the way. I ordered a lot of different stuff, I didn’t know what you’d want. The Yankees lost to Tampa Bay, but it’s okay ‘cause Baltimore lost too. Boston won, but they’re still trailing the Yanks, and do NOT think I’m okay with that. You might be my new best friend but your team is still my team’s number one enemy. Bastards,” He turned to face me and grinned. “Sleep okay?” I nodded. “Slept great. Thanks for ordering breakfast, I’m starving.” I wriggled against his hip, resting my head on his shoulder and played with his necklace. “If you got lots of stuff, does that mean you got bacon?” “Yup.” “And eggs?” I kept running my fingers over the metal that was warm from his body heat. “Yup.” “French toast?” I held the necklace up to my face to examine it. He nodded absently. “Yes.” “Pancakes?” I turned it over in my hand. “Mmmm…” “With jam AND syrup?” He nodded and reached his hands behind his head, undid the clasp of the necklace and handed it to me. “You’re talking through the recap of the Boston game. Imma smack you if you keep it up. Amuse yourself, doll,” he laughed and kept staring at the tv. A knock on the door announced room service’s arrival, and he jumped off the couch to answer the door. Colin, the room attendant who’d recommended the deli’s coffee, brought the trolley into the room, and handed me a styrofoam cup. My eyes widened. “From the place on the corner?” He nodded and I took a sip. “Ooooooh…that’s awesome stuff.” Sully returned from Lars’ room, holding his jeans, and handed Colin a fifty. “Oh…no…breakfast is charged to the room,” Colin explained, looking nervous. Sully grinned. “I ain’t tryin’ to pay for breakfast, dude. You went all the way down the street to bring us coffee like I asked, and it’s still hot. This is for you.” He placed the fifty on a table, and wrote a quick note on hotel stationary, before signing his name. Handing both the note and money to Colin, he took the other styrofoam cup and came to sit by me. “I explained it all in that little blurb right there, buddy. Cool?” Colin burst out laughing and shook his head. “Man…this is SO cool. Thanks Sully.” He smiled at me. “Nice to see you again. You guys have a good day, lemme know if you need anything else.” He closed the door behind him, and I curled my legs under me, sipping at the coffee as Sully turned his attention back to the commentary on tv. “That was nice of you, Erna.” He set his coffee on the table in front of us, and turned to face me. “Why do you do that?” he asked softly. I looked at him blankly. “My name. You use my surname sometimes.” I shrugged. “I dunno. I do that with everybody.” He smiled and leaned forward so our noses were touching. “But I’m not ‘everybody’.” Taking the necklace from my left hand, he carefully clasped it around my neck. “Here, wear this today, and see if you can remember to call me ‘Sully’.” He sighed and brushed my hair from my face. “My last girlfriend called me by my last name all the time. Bad memories, okay?” I nodded. “Okay.” I grinned. “Okay, SULLY.” I took another sip of coffee and played with the chain around my neck. “Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully, Sully,” I murmured quietly and he laughed. “Much better.” Several hours later, I was still repeating his name like a mantra, much to his amusement. We’d spent the morning at the hotel spa, and the rest of the day shopping. He took me to dozens of tiny shops I’d never even heard of, and as with Lars, we had our purchases sent back to the hotel ahead of us. Our last stop of the afternoon was in Soho, a little Wiccan place he loved to visit when he was in town. I held his hand as we wandered through the door, but let go to scoop up a little black kitten who was mewing up at us. “Hellooooo sweetie,” I cooed at the kitten, who immediately began purring. “Hmmm, looks like Anubis has found a friend.” A tall, willowy woman emerged from a back room and smiled at us. She moved round the table between us and gave Sully a long hug and a kiss. I watched, smiling, as she kept her arms looped around his neck while the two of them spoke quietly. She had the fairest skin I’d ever seen, and long, fiery red hair that hung in ringlets, bouncing slightly as she moved her head. She pulled Sully into another hug and then moved past him to greet me. “I’m Kira.” I smiled and continued to pet the little cat in my hands. “I’m Charlie,” I responded as Sully moved away from us to the back of the shop. She reached out a hand and warm fingers touched the chain around my neck. “I wondered where this had gone. I’ve never seen him take it off,” she murmured. My hand went to my throat and I started to take it off, but she laid her hand over mine. “Don’t,” she said softly and smiled. “If you’re wearing it, it’s for a reason.” She walked past me and turned the shop sign so it read ‘closed’. “Come through to the back room, we’ll have tea. You can bring Anubis,” she gestured to the tiny cat curled up in my hand. I followed her back and stood in the doorway, taking in the cozy scene. The room was painted a deep, rich purple, and dozens of candles lit the space. Various wiccan symbols were painted in gold on the walls, and the bookshelves were filled with books and candles, and little stone statues of faeries, dragons, moons and suns. An old fashioned stove was warming a copper kettle for the tea, and two cats slept peacefully in front of it. Sully was curled up in a rocking chair with another cat on his lap, and the whole place smelled of cinnamon and vanilla. Kira gestured to the chair beside Sully, and I sat. He laid a hand over mine as he rocked, and I smiled at him. “I like it here,” I told him. “Thought you might. We can stay here for a bit, right? You don’t have to meet your boy til later, yeah?” I nodded. “Cool. Hey, Kira? Any chance you could do Charlie’s cards?” She glanced over as she poured the water into a teapot, and looked at me for a moment, before nodding her head slightly. A few minutes later, I was holding a steaming mug of mint tea, and Kira was doing a mini reading for me. Three cards lay in front of me, face up. I had told her the subject of my question was love, but hadn’t gone into any of the specifics. Sully had smiled approvingly. Kira took a deep breath. “Well, now. We’ve got the High Priestess as your situation card,” she explained. “Having this card in this position means you shouldn’t take personally whatever actions, or reactions, your love interest takes. You should view all of these things objectively.” She glanced up at me. “Of the two of you, you are the more objective. Try to keep it that way. It’ll be for the best.” She pointed to the next card. “The Two of Wands. You need to be patient with decisions about this relationship. Having this card in this position indicates that you need to stop, and get your bearings.” She gave me a little smile. “Your path up to this point has been erratic and unclear, and you’re currently a little confused about what to do next. You need to take some time and work through this. The confusion will pass. If you are patient and sincere…the right path will be shown to you.” She tapped a hand on the third card. “Three of cups. This is in the challenges position. This suggests that you have an opportunity to take the best of what’s around you, and leave the rest. Focus on what’s positive in your relationship, and don’t waste time or energy on the negative.” Sully leaned over and murmured quietly, “Did you wanna write some of this down?” Kira and I laughed, and I shook my head. “Thanks, doll, but I think I can remember the important stuff.” I looked up at Kira. “Thank you for doing this.” The bell at the front of the store rang, and she excused herself. I turned to face Sully. “And thank you for bringing me here. I feel like I’ve known her forever.” He shot me a sideways glance. “Maybe you have.” He stood and held out a hand for me. “We should get going, babes.” We walked out to the front of the shop and hugged Kira goodbye. She held on to me after I’d let go and murmured in my ear. “Tell him how you feel.” I backed away slightly and glanced at Sully. She laughed. “No, I don’t think it’s him that’s put that faraway look in your eyes.” Cupping my cheek, she smiled and tilted her head to the side. “Whoever he is, Charlie, he needs you. More than you know.” I gave her a sad smile and shook my head. “No, he doesn’t.” Sully came up behind me and rested his chin on my shoulder. “Ready babes?” I nodded and we headed out. Jumping in a cab, we were back at the hotel by six o’clock, and as we rode up to the 18th floor, Sully handed me a small bag with the logo of the shop on it. He reached behind my neck as I opened it, and undid the clasp of his necklace, putting it around his own neck again. I lifted a small box from the bag, and opened it. Inside lay a smaller version of Sully’s necklace, in silver. “It’s beautiful, Sul. Thank you. What’s the little stone in the middle?” I traced a finger over the five-pointed star and then pulled him into a tight hug. He laughed. “Amethyst. It’s good for keeping negative feelings at bay. We’ll have to get you a larger piece to actually do anything, but this one’s symbolic. So whenever you wear it, you can think of me, and all the stuff that Kira told you about the cards, too, okay?” I kissed his cheek and hugged him again, not wanting to let go. “I’ll wear it all the time.” The elevator dinged as we reached his floor, and he stepped back. “Will I see you tomorrow?” He nodded. “I’ll call you in the afternoon. Have fun tonight,” he grinned. The doors closed behind him and I rode up to the penthouse. Stepping into the suite, I saw Lars’ jacket on a chair, and could hear him in his room, yelling at someone on his cell phone. I put my bag down with the other ones that had been delivered to the room, and went into my room to change. Two seconds later, Lars burst into the room, slamming the door against the wall. “I have had the WORST focking day EVER!” He sat down on my bed in a huff. Raking his hands through his hair, he looked up at me. “Do you know how long ago Napster was? Do you have any idea? Does ANYBODY? People are STILL focking asking about it! I’m so…tired of talking about it.” He rested his face in his hands and I walked over to him. He immediately stood up and started pacing. “AND…I had, like, four thousand missed calls from James today. Did he leave a message? No! Fucker! Well, no, that’s not true, he left one, but it didn’t make any fucking sense. Focker rambles more than I do, I could barely understand what he was saying. Christ! Worst day EVER!” he shouted. I sighed and took off my shirt, rummaging through my stuff to find my hoodie, as Lars continued to rant about the interviews he’d had earlier in the day. Slipping out of my jeans, I yanked another faded pair out of the dresser, and then threw the clothes on the bed. I wandered out to the main room of the suite in just my satin briefs and bra, and grabbed a bottle of whisky from the minibus. Popping into Lars’ room, I found his smokes, and went back into my room. I poured him a drink as he kept pacing, and lit a cigarette. Handing them both to him, I guided him out to the balcony, sat him down, and went back into the suite long enough to grab a robe from my room. He was inhaling deeply when I rejoined him on the balcony. “Thanks for this,” he said softly, staring out over the railing as he sipped at the whisky. “Sorry about the yelling. I’m just a little worked up.” I nodded and took the glass from his hands. “Get your own glass,” he grinned at me. I laughed and started to go back into the lounge when he grabbed my wrist roughly. I turned to face him and he stood up quickly, pulling me against him. He yanked open my robe and kissed me hard, pushing me through the door. Before I knew it, he’d looped one leg around my ankle and I was on the floor, with him on top of me. I lifted my head to meet his for a kiss. He pulled back and stared at me. “Charlie…I don’t think I can be gentle. I’m too upset, baby. I dunno if this is a good idea.” I gave him my best ‘whatever’ look and he smiled. “If you want me to stop, you better tell me now. Cause in about three seconds I’m not sure I’ll be able to,” he whispered. I clamped a hand over his mouth. “Stop talking, Danish. Be as rough as you like.” I nipped at his chin and licked along his jaw up to his ear. “I like it like that,” I whispered. He let out a low moan and sat back, unbuckling his belt as I watched from the floor. He pulled the belt off and straddled my waist, leaning forward. Taking both of my arms, he raised them above my head, looped the belt around them twice and looked down at me. I let out a short breath and nodded. He bent his head to mine and kissed me fiercely, biting my lips and pressing himself hard against me. I tried to bring my arms down around him and he pushed them back up, shaking his head. I let them fall above my head again, and tried to relax under his touch. Closing my eyes, I felt his warm breath ghost over my skin, and his hands slid down my sides. He grabbed at the tiny satin shorts I had on, and I heard fabric rip. I opened my eyes to see him fumbling with his zipper, and he pushed his jeans and boxers down to his knees before laying over me again. Shoving my legs apart with his hands, he thrust into me in one swift movement. His hand clawed at my bra as he pounded into me over and over again, and the strap tore free. Sucking and biting my nipple, he thrust harder inside of me, almost to the point of pain. I raised my legs and linked my ankles behind his back. Pushing into me faster, his hips slammed against mine, and I bit my lip to keep from crying out. His hands slid up my arms and he linked his hands with mine as he slid inside me a final time, panting heavily as he came. He shifted so he was half-lying on the floor, and rested his head on my shoulder, taking deep breaths. I remained still, not wanting to move or speak yet. With one hand, he reached down and pulled off his jeans and boxers, and then shrugged off his shirt. He reached for my arms and brought them down so my hands were resting on my stomach. Silently, he unwound the belt and gently rubbed my wrists, pressing kisses to the inside of each one. Moving down my body, he lowered his head and kissed my stomach, then the insides of my thighs, and then began licking at the wetness between them. I raised my head and shot him a ‘really?’ look, which he smiled at, and kept going. Laying back, I closed my eyes and rested a hand on the back of his head, playing with his hair as he continued to gently suck and nibble at my skin. I felt my orgasm building and fought it back, not willing to let this feeling be over yet. Lars slid his fingers inside of me, while his tongue made wet circles around me. Arching my back, I moaned his name and felt his answering moan vibrating on my body. Finally yielding to the wave of sensations, I pulled his head hard against me, bucking against his mouth. When my breathing had slowed, he took my hand and led me into his bedroom. Peeling back the bedcovers, he tucked me under them and picked up the phone by the bed. I turned away and curled up under the sheets, feeling warm and sated. A minute later, Lars curled up behind me, sliding an arm around my waist. “Dinner will be here in a couple hours. I asked for a wake up call an hour from now, thought you might need a nap.” He stroked my stomach with his hand, and kissed the back of my neck. “Did I hurt you earlier?” His voice was low and soft, and worried. I turned over to face him. “No, baby,” I assured him. “You didn’t hurt me.” I kissed his neck and snuggled against his warm body, sighing happily as his arm went around me and he kissed the top of my head. “Feeling any less stressed?” I mumbled against his chest. He squeezed his arms around me and I felt him nodding. “Much better.” His cell phone chirped from the bedside table, and he turned to check the number. “Fuck.” He glanced at me and got out of bed, pulling on his boxers before answering. “Finally!” he hollered into the phone. “You leave me dozens of messages and then you ignore my calls when I try to get back to you? What the fuck?” He stopped talking and I could hear James yelling on the other end. “You’re slurring, dickhead, what happened. Bang your head on something and get a concussion?” The yelling stopped, and Lars’ face paled. “James?” He turned and walked out of the room, repeating James’ name. Several minutes later, he returned, still looking deathly pale. He placed the phone down on the table, and sat in the chair by the bed, head in his hands. Taking a shaky breath, he looked over at me and said, sadly, “I think he was drunk.” I held out my hand and he took it, letting me pull him onto the bed. Moving so we were both sitting up, I brushed a hand over his hair and held his chin in my hand. “Take a deep breath, Danish.” He did so, smiling a little. “Now then…why do you think he was drunk?” He sighed. “He was slurring his words, and not speaking properly, and he sounded furious. I haven’t heard him get that angry in…years, I guess. But I can’t tell what he’s mad about. He won’t say.” He looked down and kneaded the duvet with his hands. “I think he might be upset that you’re here,” he said softly. I leaned back against the pillows. “Yeah. He is.” I stared out the window and pulled the covers up higher. “He called last night. Or this morning, whatever. It was really early.” I looked back at Lars. “He’s pissed, Danish. And he has no right to be,” I said, thinking back to my conversation with Sully that morning. “This was his fucking idea to begin with. He’s the one who made me realize I had feelings for you. And now he’s pissed that I’m acting on them.” Lars stared at me in disbelief. “HE’S the one who made you realize that? You couldn’t figure it out on your own? You had to hear it from James, of all people? What’d he do, talk you into coming here?” “Fuck, no,” I said, getting as riled up as he was. I shoved the covers down and grabbed one of Lars’ shirts, pulling it over my head as I left the room. He was right behind me. “Charlie, wait. Answer me. Is he the reason you’re here? Did he make you come with me? What the hell?” he grabbed hold of my wrist and spun me around. “Please, Charlie?” he pleaded softly. “Talk to me? What do you mean this was his idea? I thought this was my idea. Do you…do you not wanna be here? Are you only here cause he told you to come?” He let go of my arm and stepped back. “Know what? I don’t even wanna know the answers to those questions. Forget it.” He went back into his room and emerged again shortly after, fully dressed. “I’m going out. Don’t wait up,” he said quickly, slamming the door behind him. I stared at the door, praying it would open again and he’d come back so I could explain. Going into my room, I pulled on the jeans and hoodie I’d set out earlier, and flipflops. Sinking into one of the couches, I lifted the hotel phone and called room service to cancel the wake up call and dinner. Pulling a blanket over me, I flicked the tv on and tried to pay attention to the news. But even shocking headlines about genocide and suicide bombs couldn’t compete with Lars’ suggestion that James was drinking again. While it seemed to be an awfully self-absorbed thought, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was my fault. Maybe if I’d stayed in San Fran instead of coming to New York, or if I hadn’t kicked him out that night, if I’d let him stay with me instead of screaming at him to leave…maybe he’d be okay now. I turned out the light beside the couch and yanked the blanket up to my chin. The door to the balcony was still open, and a cool breeze blew over me. I pushed away at the self-pitying feelings washing over me, trying to tell myself I should be worried about Lars and James, not me. “Except I’m the reason they’re both upset, so I’m allowed to feel bad,” I reminded myself. Turning off the tv, I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head. When that failed, I wandered into Lars’ room and crawled under the covers. They still smelled like him, and I snuggled up to the pillow, wishing it were him instead. I was woken up by the suite door slamming, and a figure stood in the doorway of the bedroom. “Um…I’m not sure, darlin’, but I think you’re in the wrong room,” the figure told me. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, confused and annoyed. “No offense, ‘darlin’’, but I’d say YOU are the one in the wrong room. How’d you get in here?” I shoved the covers down and stood, scowling at the short redhead who was leaning against the doorway as if she had every right to be here. She dangled Lars’ key in my face. “Lars gave me this. And I’m pretty sure he hadn’t planned on sharing me with you, so why don’t you run along. M’kay, darlin’?” I clenched my fists at my side and strode past her, looking for Lars. “He’s not here yet, honey,” she called after me. “Told me to come up and make myself comfortable. Which I intend to do. Run along now, would ya?” I ignored the tears gathering at the corners of my eyes and stormed into my room. Throwing my clothes into my bags, I gathered up the rest of my stuff and pushed the button for the elevator. It came, and I stepped into it, taking a last look at the suite before the doors closed. When I reached the lobby, the first person I saw was Colin. He ambled over and smiled at me, before noting my bags and frowning. “You’re leaving? I thought the penthouse was booked for a few more days.” Taking my bags from me, he escorted me over to the concierge desk. Placing them on the floor, he turned to me. “You okay?” I nodded. “Yeah,” I said softly. “Is it okay if I hang out over there for a bit?” I pointed to the huge leather chairs in one corner of the lobby. “I just kinda left unexpectedly. I’m not too sure where to go next.” He nodded, and I pulled the latest Nora Roberts book out of my bag. “I’ll just keep these behind the desk for you, okay?” He smiled and took my bags as I walked away. A few minutes later, I was settled into one of the red wing backed chairs, engrossed in the lives of fictional women. I looked up when Colin cleared his throat. “Thought you might like some coffee. And I brought you this,” he held out a little bottle of Baileys, “in case you wanted to make it Irish.” He winked and placed the huge steaming bowl-sized cup of coffee on the table in front of me, and the Baileys beside it. “If you’d like a different room, we have a few available,” he said quietly. “Just let me know.” “Thanks, Colin. Appreciate it.” I sipped at the coffee, and added the Baileys to it. Taking another sip, I closed my eyes in bliss. “Hey…I know that look. Wasn’t aware that a good cup of coffee did the same thing for ya,” Sully grinned at me when I opened my eyes. “How come you’re down here, babes?” I smiled weakly. “Just doing some reading. It’s nice and quiet, the lighting’s good, and the coffee’s awesome. How ‘bout you? Early night?” He laughed and pointed to his watch. “Hardly, it’s past two a.m.” Dropping himself into the chair beside me, he tilted his head to the side and gave me a little smile. “So what are you really doing down here? Everything okay?” Damn if that didn’t make me wanna cry. I blinked back tears and turned back to my book. “Everything’s fine. It’s late, Sul, you should go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He sighed. “Guess I’ve been dismissed.” Bending over me, he kissed the top of my head. “Night, doll.” I watched him walk away and waited til he’d turned the corner for the elevator before letting the tears fall. |
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| Metalicious | March 28, 2008, 7:33 am Post #92 |
Blackened
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“Stupid girl hormones. Always fucking crying over stupid fucking boys. God!” I wiped the heel of my hand over my eyes and leaned against the side of the chair. The book fell out of my lap and a slim, tattooed hand picked it up and handed it to me. “Thought you’d gone to bed,” I sniffled, taking the book from him. “Forgot something,” he said softly. Pulling me out of the chair, he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed tight. “Get your stuff, you’re not spending the night in the lobby.” “What stuff?” I protested. “My stuff’s upstairs, all I have is this book. I’m fine, Sully, honestly.” I pushed him away and went to sit down again. He stood in front of me as I sat, looking almost angry. “We’re friends, right, Charlie? I mean it’s only been a few days, but we’re buddies. Yeah?” I nodded. “And friends don’t lie to each other, do they? Good friends don’t, anyway.” I shook my head. “So…you wouldn’t be lying to me when you tell me everything’s fine, would you?” My head stayed still. He squatted in front of me, putting a hand on each of my legs. “You don’t have to talk. You don’t have to tell me a damn thing. But don’t sit there crying and try to convince me you’re fine. And Colin told me your bags are packed and sitting behind the desk. So let’s get your stuff, and get you settled in with me and Shan.” He paused, and thought. “Shan’s actually out for the night, so you can have his bed. Okay?” “No! Not okay! I screwed up, Sully, and I deserve to be here. In the stupid lobby. I screwed up with James, I screwed up with Lars, and you can be damn sure the same thing’ll happen with you if we go back to your room.” I leaned back into the chair and crossed my arms, pouting. He leaned forward and gazed at me. “Charlie…I’ve been out drinking since seven. We went to about sixteen different clubs, and I had to fend off the women at each one. I’m exhausted, baby. I don’t think I’m up for any kind of screwing, up or otherwise,” he grinned at me, and I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped. “Atta girl,” he said softly, pulling me to my feet again. “Now…we’re getting your stuff, ordering food, and heading to my room. And then you can tell me all about your night.” I glanced over at him as we walked to the concierge desk. “Thought you said I didn’t have to talk?” “Did I say that?” He grinned at me. “I was lying. You’re upset, I’m damn well gonna wanna know the reason behind it. Besides, my night was pretty dull, I need a good bedtime story. I’m thinking…chili fries and salad for the food?” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “We don’t actually have to eat the salad, it’s just so the hotel staff won’t think we’re totally nutritionally inept,” he bumped my hip with his own and I laughed, throwing my arms around him. “You rock, mister,” I told him as I kissed his cheek. He grinned at me as we waited for Colin to get off the phone. “I do, don’t I!” He kissed me in return, and rubbed my back. We ordered the food, and Sully carried my bags as we headed to the lift. “Damn, woman, you carry mercury around with you? These are heavy!” I laughed and took one of the bags from him. We rode up to his floor in silence, and I waited while he unlocked the door. Setting my bag down, he took the other one from me and placed it beside the first. “Can I getcha anything? Soda? Beer? Hug and a shoulder to cry on? Another beer?” I smiled and put my arms around him. “I’ll take the hug, but I don’t feel much like crying anymore. And I’ll definitely take a beer if you’ve got any.” He rumpled my hair and moved past me to the minibar, pulling out two Coronas. Opening them both, and passing one to me, he slid the door to the small balcony open, and I followed him out into the cool air. We sat side by side on a lounge chair, and he rubbed my back with one hand as he sipped his beer. “I hurt Lars’ feelings. So he left and brought another chick back to the hotel.” I waited for Sully to finish choking on his beer before I continued. “Which is fine, I mean we’re not…whatever. It just kinda stung cause this evening, we…” I took a long pull from my bottle and waved my hand around. “But yeah, whatever.” I glanced at him. “Like your song, hmm?” He grinned. “Doin’ the best you ever did?” I nodded. “And I figured I’d better fuckin go away. So I did. Didn’t really get that far, only twenty floors down, but I thought I should leave.” He shot me a questioning look. “What’d you say to hurt his feelings?” I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder. “Just that it was James who pointed out that I had feelings for him – Lars – and then he got all upset and wondered if James was the one who pushed me to come here.” “And was he?” Sully’s hand went around my waist and settled on my hip. “Fuck no. He did everything he could to try to stop me. Woke me up in the middle of the damn night to tell me not to go, came over to my house to talk me out of it, threw his wedding ring at me, made me get in a car accident and wreck my truck…” I paused. “Okay, maybe the accident wasn’t his fault but I wouldn’t have been driving in the damn rain if he hadn’t-” “Wrecked your truck? Accident? And his wedding ring?” Sully took the beer out of my hand. “Start over, babes. I think you’re leaving stuff out here.” So I told him everything. From the day of the rugby game until the night before I’d left for New York. He was quiet when I finished. A knock at the door announced our food had arrived, and I followed him inside. We settled on his bed to eat, and I picked at the salad, waiting for him to speak. “So…um…we’ve already established that we’re friends, and friends don’t lie, right?” he asked quietly. I nodded slowly, not sure what he was getting at. I’d told the truth. “And if I were to ask you a question, you’d trust me enough to answer it, even if you’re scared to?” Ahhh. “No.” His eyes widened and then he broke out into a huge grin. I laughed. “I’m serious. I know what you’re gonna ask and I don’t wanna answer that. I also don’t want to lie to you, especially since you’d know I’m lying, so please don’t ask, baby, okay?” He bent forward and kissed my forehead, and his hand went to my neck. Raising his eyebrows, he smiled. “Thought you were gonna wear it all the time?” I jumped off the bed and went to my bag. “Shit! I am, I just…kinda got caught up in other stuff, but I am, I swear! Hang on, it’s here somewhere, dammit…shit.” I knelt by the bags and kept rifling through them. He joined me on the floor and pulled the little bag out on the first try. “Nice one!” I grinned at him. He stood and pulled me up. Taking the little necklace out of the box, he clasped it behind my neck. “Bide ye Wiccan laws ye must, in perfect love and perfect trust”, he said softly as he kissed my temple and stepped back. “Perfect love and trust, hmm?” I grinned at him. “I’m not so much with the perfection thing. I mean, I may appear to be perfect,” I joked, “but it’s all a façade.” He placed a hand over my mouth and continued. “Merry meet and merry part, bright the cheeks and warm the heart. When misfortune is enow, wear the blue star on thy brow. True in love ever be, unless thy lover's false to thee. Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill, an ye harm none, do what ye will.” I blinked back tears for the third time that night. “Dammit, Sul, you’ve gone and made me all weepy.” I hugged him, and kissed his face just below his star tattoo. “Thank you, babes,” I whispered. He smiled as he pulled back. “Not done yet. Sit,” he pointed to the bed, and he pushed up the sleeve of my hoodie. “Actually, take that off. It might slide down and I don’t wanna get ink on it.” I shrugged off the sweatshirt as he turned around, and shivered a little in my thin tee shirt. He closed the door to the balcony without turning, and pulled out a little bag and a weird tool-looking thing. “Easy, babes,” he said when he saw my face. “It’s henna, it ain’t permanent.” “Okay…where’s it going? And what’s it gonna be?” I squirmed a little in anticipation and he laughed. “It’s going on your wrist, relax. And it’ll be a surprise. You trust me, right?” I nodded. “Good. Then sit still.” I did as he asked and watched as he slowly and carefully traced a design on my skin with the dark ink. “Sully?” I asked softly. He looked up at me expectantly. “When you go back to Boston, and I go back to San Francisco…” He smiled. “I’m not goin’ anywhere.” I hesitated. “Yeah…ya are. Boston, remember?” Laughing, he went back to inking my wrist. “Physically, sure. That’s where I’ll be. But I’m not going anywhere, babes.” Finishing the artwork, he blew softly on it, and I looked down. An intricate design of a heart lay on the inside of my wrist, and a tiny pentagram was inked in the middle of it. “Souls seek by all means, to find a link to another, no distance is too great. No matter where you choose to be, in my heart I’ll always see you, everywhere.” He wrapped my wrist in tape, and kissed it gently. Pressing my wrist to his cheek, he murmured, “I can feel your pulse. Pretty strong,” he smiled. “And you’ll only get stronger as this wears off. But keep wearing the necklace, okay?” I threw my arms around his neck. “Dude,” I laughed, “you’re awesome, I love you!” I immediately backed away and slapped a hand over my mouth. “Sorry,” I muttered. “Apparently that’s my new thing, telling people I barely know that I love them. My bad,” I waved a hand at him. He grabbed it and kissed my wrist again. “Don’t be sorry. You obviously didn’t think about it, so you meant it. It’s sweet,” he grinned. I covered my mouth as I yawned, and he pulled me up. “Find your pjs, doll, or whatever you sleep in. I think it’s bedtime, hmmm?” I nodded and grabbed a pair of shorts from my bag, heading into the bathroom to change. When I emerged, I heard Sully’s voice, and peeked around the corner, seeing him on his phone, standing there in just his jeans. “She’s fine, Lars, but she’s not going back upstairs tonight. Not while you’ve got company. Christ, buddy, what were you thinking?” He paused while Lars talked, and then responded. “No,” he sighed, “I’m not sleeping with her. And if that’s the only thing you’re worried about, buddy, you’ve got your priorities all skewed. I found her sitting in the lobby alone.” Please don’t tell him I was crying, I silently begged Sully. Please don’t tell him that. He turned and saw me, motioning for me to come over to him. I did so, and he slung an arm over my shoulder. I turned slightly and pressed my face against his bare chest. “I don’t need to hear it, Lars, she does. But she’s already sleeping, so you’ll have to tell her tomorrow.” I jerked my head up in surprise. ‘you’re lying!’ I mouthed at him, and he grinned. “Yeah, fine, I’ll tell her. Later.” He clicked ‘end’ and put the phone down before putting both arms around me. “Yeah, I lied, but it’s for his own good. And yours. He says the chick was a fan, and he was just gonna sign some stuff for her so she’d leave him alone.” I smirked. “And she’s still there?” He laughed. “Apparently it’s taking more than a few autographs to get her out. He’s about to call hotel security. You about ready for bed, then?” “Yeah, just gonna go out on the balcony for a few minutes, get some air. I won’t be long.” I smiled and slid the door open, stepping out to feel the cold cement under my feet. Leaning against the railing, I looked over to the street far below. It was almost deserted of people, but there were still lights on inside the little cafés, and a few cars drove alongside the taxis that littered the street. A hand appeared on either side of mine, and Sully rested his head on my shoulder. “Bedtime, baby,” he said softly, kissing the side of my neck where the chain lay. “Come inside before you get too cold.” I followed him in, and crawled under the covers he held up. “Shannon’s gonna be back later, there was a message on my phone. So you’re in with me, but I promise to behave myself.” “Dammit,” I muttered, and he laughed. I rolled over as he turned the bedside lamp off, and dropped a leg over his, snuggling against him. I wriggled a couple more times, and finally settled into the perfect position. “By all means, Charlie, get comfy,” he laughed. I wriggled more and his hand pressed against my stomach. “Okay, get comfy, but stop wiggling so damn much. You’re killin’ me!” I giggled and lay still. He fell asleep almost immediately, and I watched him for a few minutes, before slowly getting out of bed, and going back to the balcony. I grabbed a spare blanket and a pillow from Shan’s bed, and took it with me. Curled up on the lounge chair, I traced a finger over my necklace and thought back to what Sully had said. Perfect love and perfect trust. God, the only person I had that with was Pep. And maybe now Sully. Except that it was far too soon to be telling the guy I loved him. Yeesh. Still, he’d taken it well. Goddamn, it was cold on the balcony! I got up again and went back inside, putting the blanket and pillow on Shannon’s bed again. “Get in here, woman,” Sully mumbled. I giggled and climbed in beside him, grinning at the squeal he let out when my feet touched his. “Fuck, you’re cold. How long were you out there?” “Five seconds?” I slid my arms around his waist and he jumped. “Sorry,” I giggled. “Yeah, you sound really apologetic,” he laughed. “Ditch the shirt, babes, you’ll get warmer faster.” I hooted with laughter and he pinched my stomach. “I’m serious,” he chuckled. “I promise I’ll be good. But I’m not sleeping in the same bed as a woman who feels like an ice cube, so ditch the shirt and warm up.” I pulled the shirt off and slid down the bed again, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Not bad,” I said. “Warmer already.” I rubbed a hand over his chest and he yelped. “Hands!! Hands not warm!” He scooted away and I rolled over, laughing. “Christ, girl, run those things under warm water before you come near me.” He lifted the covers and peered under them. “Yup. Icicles. Icicles on my belly. Nicely done.” I slowly moved over to the side of the bed where he was watching me. “Fine, so my hands are cold.” I kissed him lightly. “My mouth’s warm, isn’t it?” He nodded slowly. “So I’ll just use that, then.” He took my hands in his, rubbing the pads of his thumbs over my palms as I kissed him again, harder this time. Shifting so I was laying on top of him, I sat up and straddled his waist. “Charlie…” he whispered, his hands covering my breasts. “You don’t want this, baby.” I nodded. I did, indeed, want this. “I’m not gonna sleep with a woman who’s in love with someone else. It wouldn’t be right.” I frowned at him. “I’m not-” “Yeah, you are. So we’re not gonna sleep together. But,” he bucked his hips hard and I fell forward, stopping just short of his face. “we can play.” He smiled and lifted his head slightly, pressing a soft kiss to my lips as his arms went around me, one hand sliding under the waist of my shorts to grab my butt. Rolling me over, he slid my shorts down and tossed them to the floor. Sitting up quickly, he looked at me. “I’m just gonna get those, and have ‘em handy, in case Shan comes back early,” he grinned, and I laughed. I propped my head up on my elbow as he got back under the covers. “I’m thinking…” I said slowly, and he looked at me curiously. “I’m thinkin’ you didn’t get enough attention last night.” I shot him a grin and ducked under the covers, tugging his boxers down. Peeking my head out sideways from the sheets, I placed his shorts next to mine. “Just, you know, in case Shannon comes back,” I smirked at him and he laughed. The laugh turned to a low moan as I lowered my head and licked below his bellybutton. Lifting my head again, I peered up at him. “You’re, um, I don’t need to…do I? We’re cool?” He laughed again. “Yeah, fine, tested all the time. Go nuts.” I ducked my head and felt his body stiffen as I took him in my mouth. His hand gently stroked the back of my head, and I ran a hand up his chest, trying to feel as much of him at once as I could. Sex with Lars had been amazing, but this…was different. I felt a connection to Sully that I’d never felt with Lars. Something deeper than just the physical. Or maybe I was just projecting that onto it so I wouldn’t feel like such a slut. Another notch on the bedpost. Oral counted towards notches, didn’t it? God…whores r’ us, indeed. “Are you even IN the room anymore?” Sully asked, and I could hear the smile in his voice. I lifted my head and scooted up his body, continuing to run my hands over his skin. “Sorry, babes. I’m here. I was just thinking. This…I dunno, it feels different.” I kissed his cheek and he smiled. “Well, yeah, cause Lars isn’t circum-” I laughed and slapped a hand over his mouth. “Not that,” I giggled. “This,” I pointed to him and then myself. “It feels different. Deeper.” “That’s cause I’m probably longer than-” I cut him off with a look and he grinned at me. “Sorry. I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time being serious. All the blood has left my brain, doll.” He gathered me into his arms and squeezed. “It should feel different. I’m not Lars. And you’re not the only one who feels a connection, babes.” He looked down at me and ran a fingertip over my nose. “You worried we’re gonna wreck it if we keep this up?” I smiled. “Nope. Perfect trust, remember?” I sat up and lifted a leg over his waist, and stayed there until he nodded. Lowering myself onto him, I leaned forward and swiped my tongue across his bottom lip. “I do trust you, Sully.” He kissed me softly and rolled over so he was on top of me. Putting his weight on his elbows, he slid inside me again slowly, planting tiny kisses all over my face as he moved. I looped my arms around his neck, wanting nothing more than to lay back and be touched. Eyes closed, I shut out everything else in my head except for how good it felt being with Sully, how at ease I was. I opened my eyes so he’d know I wasn’t spacing out again, and met his gaze. “There you are,” he said softly, lowering his head to place a kiss on my chest, where the necklace lay. “I wasn’t gone,” I whispered. “Just thinking about you.” He smiled and put a hand behind one of my knees, pulling my leg up. “Thinking what?” He kept moving in me, deeper than before. I closed my eyes again and tried to gather my thoughts. “How easy things are with you. How I feel like I’ve known you for a thousand years. How good and relaxed and at ease you make me feel.” My voice was still a whisper. “How I’d hate to do anything to fuck it up.” He tilted his head at me and grinned. “You won’t,” he assured me. “I won’t let you. And you probably have known me for a thousand years. I’ve been around for a while. I bet, in a past life, I was a king, and you were my wench,” he chuckled. I giggled and pushed him so he was on his back. “Wench, hmm? I’m pretty sure I was a beautiful princess, and you were my…stable boy. Every time I’d go in to fetch my horse, you’d insist I ride YOU first,” I shot him a wicked smile and he laughed, running his hands up my back. “A little like I’m doing now, maybe?” I asked and he nodded, still grinning. I bent forward and kissed his forehead. “Thanks, stable boy,” I whispered. He looked perplexed. “For not letting me get too serious.” “Anytime, princess,” he smiled. Lifting his knees so I could lean back against them, he thrust up into me, gripping my hands with his. I threw my head back, closing my eyes, and let him set the pace, moaning as he let go of one of my hands, and stroked me in time with his thrusts. It was almost as if a door banged shut on Lars, the chick upstairs, and everything else but the man under me. All that existed was us, alone in his hotel room. His movements intensified and I heard his breathing quicken. I opened my eyes and looked into his, wanting to watch him come undone. “Not yet,” he grinned, reading my mind. Flipping me over quickly, he shoved a pillow under my hips and winked as he entered me again. I laughed and pulled him closer, trying to get as much skin on skin contact as possible. I gave up as an orgasm caught me totally off guard, and I dropped my hands to my side, arching against him. He gasped my name and his head fell forward. Somehow finding the strength to move, I ran my hands over his back. He started to roll off me and I protested. “Stay,” I said softly. He hesitated, then nodded, putting his weight on his elbows again. I searched his face for any signs of regret, and found none. His necklace danged in front of me and I flicked the circle with my finger, watching it spin. “Thousand years, huh?” He smiled and pressed a kiss to my own necklace. “What, you think we got to this perfect trust thing overnight?” Reaching down, he picked our clothes off the floor and handed me my shorts and tee shirt. “Put these on, babes. We should really get some sleep.” I pulled the shorts on, and shoved the tee shirt under the pillow. He watched, amused. “Trying to kill me, are we?” I cuddled up to his side, slinging an arm over his waist. “No, just not ready to let go of the closeness yet. I like how your skin feels against mine.” I yawned. “I’ll put the shirt on later, before it gets light out. Night, Sully,” I whispered, closing my eyes as sleep claimed me. A knock on the door a couple hours later woke Sully and I up, along with Shannon, who’d stumbled in sometime after we’d fallen asleep. I rolled over and pondered throwing something heavy at the door, it was far too early to be having a wake-up call. Kissing my shoulder, Sully stood up slowly, pulling on his jeans. “Stay put, babes,” he murmured, drawing the covers over me. “I’ll be right back.” I closed my eyes again, attempting to fall back asleep, and then felt an arm shaking me gently. “Baby?” Turning over to face him, I saw pain and worry in his eyes. “You better go talk to Lars.” I mumbled incoherently and stood up, taking my tee shirt from Sully’s hand, and pulled it on. Not bothering with any other clothes, I wandered out and squinted in the hall lights. The door closed behind me and Lars straightened up from where he’d been leaning against the wall. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. I scowled at him. “You woke me – us – up at four in the damn morning to tell me that? You’re either very mean, or very stupid, Lars. Which is it?” The pain in his eyes only worsened. I sighed. “Fine, you’re sorry. Can I go back to bed?” He shook his head. “Kirk called, about twenty minutes ago. Ray’s really sick, Charlie. They’ve taken him to the hospital, but they don’t think he’s gonna last the night. I thought you'd want to know. I’m so sorry, little one.” I blinked at him, not comprehending. I’d just seen the man a little over a week ago, and he’d seemed fine. A little frail, but in good spirits, and not too sick. “I…” he started, and took a deep breath. “I have to stay here, but I can get you a flight back if you wanna go.” He brushed a hand over my hair and I stepped back. “Please tell me you’re making this up. I won’t be mad, I promise. Please, Danish? Tell me it’s not real.” He bit his lip and looked down, taking my hand. I felt, rather than saw, his arms go around me, and knew he was the only thing keeping me from sliding to the floor. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair. “I know, baby,” he said softly, and I realized I’d been saying it out loud. “I know it isn’t.” Taking my face in his hands, he said, slowly, “Come upstairs, we’ll book you a flight, and Sully can take you to the airport, okay?” I nodded, too tired and numb to do anything else. “I’ll see you up there in a few minutes.” He turned to leave and I went back into the room, where I saw Sully sitting on the end of the bed, waiting for me. Walking to him, I took his hand and pulled him out to the balcony, sliding the door shut behind us. “I don’t wanna wake Shan again,” I explained, as he shivered. Rubbing his arms to keep him warm, I sighed heavily. “I have to leave,” I said softly. He nodded, and bent his head so our foreheads were touching. “I know. I’ll go with you to the airport.” His breath was visible between us, and we both laughed weakly. “Jesus, it’s supposed to be summer,” he chuckled. “Go upstairs, girl. Sort out a flight, and come get me.” Pulling me close, he rocked me back and forth, his cheek pressed against mine. I felt myself begin to lose it, and pulled back, wiping quickly at my eyes. “Christ, it’s cold. C’mon, go inside. I’ll come back down to get you in a bit,” I opened the door and hustled him in. Slipping into my jeans, and yanking the hoodie over my head, I turned to look at him before I left the room. “I won’t…be long.” He smiled. “I’m not goin’ anywhere.” Closing the door behind me, I waited for the elevator. When I reached the suite, Lars was bent over a laptop, checking flights on various airlines. I sat in the chair opposite him “Anything leaving soon?” I murmured. He shook his head. He clicked a few keys and cursed softly. More clicking, and the cursing got louder. “Lars…” “Take the jet.” He stood up and closed the laptop, sighing. “It’s the only way you’ll get there today.” He looked at me, and I knew not to argue. He shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned against the table. “You okay?” “Yep.” “Thought you’d be crying by now, for sure.” He looked at me, eyes still full of pain and hurt. “Did you sleep with him?” I turned away and he slammed his hand down on the table. “Answer me!” I walked over to him slowly, keeping my gaze on his. “You screwed me on the floor, left without saying when you’d be back, cause you were pissed at something you didn’t understand, and then you sent some little fan chick up to kick me out of your bed. I don’t really feel like I have anything to answer for right now, Lars.” “I don’t know why you came here, Charlie, but it obviously wasn’t to be with me. I don’t know why I thought you ever cared about me at all. I’ll arrange to have the limo take you to the airport. Be ready in an hour.” He turned away from me as there was a knock at the door. Lars yelled at whomever it was to come in, and a hotel employee stepped in, holding a piece of paper. “So sorry to disturb, sir, but I noted you were in the lobby a few minutes ago and there was a message for you earlier. I thought you might wish to have it now. The man who rang said you’d want to know about it.” We both waited for him to continue. I wondered if James had called the hotel… “He would like to know where you’d like the painting to be hung? It arrived yesterday afternoon, and he wasn’t aware you’d purchased anything, so he is, erm, at a loss as to where to put it.” My stomach knotted up. “What focking painting?” Lars demanded. “I didn’t buy any paintings. Your guys obviously took down the message wrong.” I made a break for the door and Lars reached out and grabbed my arm. “He says it came from the Agora Gallery, sir, it’s a Bowen-Morris.” I felt Lars’ gaze rest on me, and I stared at the floor. “Right. That painting. Okay, thanks, I’ll make sure I call him back.” The door shut quietly, and we were left alone. His grip on my wrist loosened, and slid down so he was holding my hand. “Why?” he asked, his voice low and quiet. I wasn’t sure if he meant the painting, or Sully. Either way… “Because I wanted to. I’m, um, gonna go. Thanks for the use of the plane. I’ll see ya.” I turned to leave and was annoyed when he grabbed my arm again. He started to speak and I held up my hand. “Don’t. Just…don’t. I’ll see you when you get back.” Thoughtful hotel guy had sent the lift back up and it was waiting when I pressed the button. I closed my eyes as the doors closed and took a couple of deep breaths. I got out at Sully’s floor and knocked quietly on his door. Sully opened immediately, and held the door wide. “Shan’s sleeping. Don’t worry about waking him. Find a flight?” I walked through the room and smiled at Shannon, snoring away, blissfully unaware of our presence. “Yeah, whole plane to myself. Leaves in an hour. I didn’t even ask if you mind doing this, Sul. I can get there alone, it’s no big deal. JFK isn’t far, and the limo guy knows how to get there, it’d just be silly for me to ask you to come with me…” I trailed off as he shook his head. “You gonna come to the airport?” His head bobbed up and down. “Thanks.” He picked up both my bags, and nodded towards the hall. “Let’s wait in the lobby, okay? We’ll get you some herbal tea or something.” I followed him to the elevator and was pleased to see Colin yet again when the doors opened on the main floor. I wandered over to the corner and sank into one of the leather couches, while Sully ordered some mint tea for us. The limo arrived forty minutes later, and I waved to Eric, the driver, when he came in. I saw Lars come down and chat with him, and Sully took my bags out to the street, saying he’d meet me in the car. “Ready when you are, Miss,” Eric told me and I nodded. I started to follow behind him, and turned to see Lars standing in the middle of the lobby, alone. Striding over to him quickly, I threw my arms around him in a tight hug and felt his arms slide around me. We stayed like that for a minute, and then he kissed my cheek and stepped back. “You should get going, little one. I’ll call you as soon as I’m back, okay?” He traced a fingertip over my cheek. “Safe flight,” he gave me a sad smile, and I hugged him again. “Love you, Danish,” I whispered. He nodded against my hair. “I know, little one. Love you, too.” With a final kiss to his cheek, I turned and walked out the huge doors to the street, and climbed into the back of the limo with Sully. We pulled away, and I leaned against him, closing my eyes as he sang along with the song on the radio. There was barely any traffic, and we made it to the airport in twenty minutes. Pulling off to the private runway, Eric stopped the limo and opened the back door for us. “They’re just fuelling the plane, miss. Should be ready in about ten minutes. I’ll take your things for you.” Lifting my two bags, he made his way over to the little jet and greeted the few men scattered around it. I stood on the tarmac, watching the men prep the plane. Sully came behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, nuzzling his head in my neck. Swaying back and forth slightly, he began to hum the song that had been playing on the drive over. I smiled and leaned my head back, closing my eyes as he sang the words to me softly. a love struck Romeo sings the streets a serenade laying everybody low with a love song that he made finds a streetlight…steps out of the shade says something like, you and me babe how about it? Turning me around to face him, he placed my head on his shoulder, and continued to sing as he removed his beat up leather jacket, and wrapped it around me. Pushing my arms into the sleeves, I lifted the hood of my sweatshirt over it and wrapped my arms around his waist. Juliet says, hey it's Romeo - you nearly gave me a heart attack he's underneath the window she's singing hey la my boyfriend's back you shouldn’t come around here singing up at people like that anyway what you gonna do about it? Juliet the dice were loaded from the start and I bet..and you exploded in my heart and I forget, I forget, the movie song when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong…Juliet? Knowing I only had a few minutes before I had to leave, I placed my hands on his face, and silenced him with a kiss. His cheeks were cool, but his mouth was warm on mine, and when his tongue darted out to touch my own, he tasted of the mint tea we’d had at the hotel. “I have something for you,” I told him as I pulled away. Reaching into the pocket of my hoodie, I drew out the present I’d picked up for him the day before. It was a thin leather wrist cuff, the middle of which had a sun amulet resembling the tattoo on his belly. “I was gonna give it to you later today, cause I know it’s a sort of special day for you, but I guess now will do,” I said, suddenly feeling shy and nervous about the gift. He took it from me, running his fingers over the soft brown leather before touching the pewter sun. “June 21st,” he said softly. “Mmm hmm, Litha,” I nodded. “Summer Solstice.” He fastened it on his wrist and kissed me, smiling as he leaned his forehead against mine. “How’d you know about this, doll?” I shrugged. “I know stuff.” Tracing a fingertip over his star tattoo, I met his gaze and smiled. “You’re important to me. And this is important to you. I figured the sun design was fitting. Dunno what I’m gonna getcha for Sahmain. Maybe one with a jack-o’-lantern on it?” I shot him a weak smile. I heard Eric calling for me, and waved at him, to acknowledge I’d heard him. We walked over to the plane, and I turned for a final hug, starting to take off the jacket. “Keep it,” he murmured. “Phone number’s in the pocket, call when you get a chance, let me know how you’re doing. I’ll be thinkin’ of you. Hey…don’t cry,” he smiled as tears filled my eyes. Sliding the jacket up my arm, he unwrapped the tape from my wrist and rubbed a thumb over the dry henna design. “Stronger, remember? C’mere, girl.” I leaned against him, wishing I didn’t have to leave, wishing he could come with me, wishing for anything that didn’t involve us being apart. “So…” I said quietly, looking up at the plane. “Halloween?” He chuckled and brushed his lips against mine. “Sooner than that, I bet. Have a safe journey, princess. Blessed be.” I kissed his cheek. “Tá grá agam duit.” A grin lit up his face. “Me too. Crazy, huh? I’ve known you, what, three days?” I smiled, pleased he knew what I'd said, and started up the stairs before turning to face him. “Yup. A thousand years, and three days. Bye, Sul.” He blew me a kiss and I boarded the plane. Settling into one of the enormous leather recliners, I fastened the seatbelt, and waved to him out the window. My hand stayed pressed against it as we taxied down the runway and I only let it slip down when we lifted off, heading west against the dawn. ****************************************************** |
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| Mina | March 28, 2008, 8:21 am Post #93 |
Morgenstern
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AWESOME chapter! Damn, I'm worried about Ray And about James ![]() And I wonder how's the relationship between Charlie and Lars evolving and the relationship between her and Sully... Very interesting, keep it up, I'm still so goddamn hooked and am always happy when I'm discovering a new update
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| Lucifer's Angel | March 28, 2008, 9:32 am Post #94 |
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Heavy Metal Seanchai
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Yeah, what's going to happen between James and Lars and Sully and Charlie? :wacko: I liked the pagan stuff in there, I didn't know that you knew about Litha. Are you a pagan as well?
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| Metalicious | March 28, 2008, 9:37 am Post #95 |
Blackened
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Nope. I have friends who dabble, and it's a big part of Sully's life, so... I just threw that in there. |
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| maisy blue | March 28, 2008, 3:39 pm Post #96 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Hmmmmmmm eating Oreos as I read this, so excuse the one handed typing. ![]() I have decided that Lars + Charlie = not good. I'm not feeling the chemistry, and I think Charlie has enough complications in her life without having to coddle to a grown Danish baby. Lars is just too fucking self centered. He's such an ASS about every.damn.thing. Screams to people on the phone, gets pissed off at reporters for mentioning Napster, won't go home with Charlie... yeah, maybe he's got a lot of shit going on but she's CLIFF's kid, bottom line, and if he had any sort of feelings on top of her being a Burton, he should have just cancelled all his assy interviews (especially since they all piss him off so very much!!) and appointments and gone with her. He reminds me way too much of one of my college boyfriends. ![]() (I gotta admit that the bondage bit was sexy, though... it's nice to lay back and not have to worry about reciprocating. I'm just sayin'... :wink)Sully and Charlie... wow. I'm actually rooting for them, because he's so KIND to her. He just gets her deeply in a way Lars doesn't and in a way James seems unable to because he's wrapped up in his own drama. I have a feeling that because this is a Met fic that it won't go this way, but I'm sort of rooting for them. I think James is going to have a lot of work to do to prove he's half the man Sully already is. I'm anxious to see what happens when Charlie gets back to San Fran, and if James will finally step up to the damn plate and be a man. I also feel a sense of... I dunno... doom (?) because I know those rapists are out running around. All in all, I'm captivated. Not only by the general story, the plot, but by your amazing grasp of the written word. I'm also incredibly jealous of your immense talent and your general knowledge of most EVERYTHING. POST MORE SOON (please?!)
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| Broken, Beat & Scarred | March 28, 2008, 4:31 pm Post #97 |
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I think I haven't replied in a while, though, I've been reading, sorry it is then. But the fic's still my favorite, so, be happy. ![]() I guess the reason why I haven't really commented is that a) I love this story to bits and b) I know what's going to happen, so, it's useless to speculate... Well, useless for me, anyway, 'cos I know whether or not something's gonna happen... Anyhoo. I'm not liking Sully. Well, I am liking him, yeah, he's nice(r than Lars) and like maisy blue said, he gets Charlie and so on, but... ehh, Charlie+Sully.... Doesn't work for me and I wouldn't be happy to see them get together... And Lars... He's not good enough for Charlie either. Neither is James. Honestly, the only one I think is good enough for her is Pepper. So, I definitely think that they should end up together. And I think that Charlie's blaming herself too much... I mean, I don't think that she screwed up with either James or Lars, both the guys have acted like jackasses, and they have screwed up things with her. And sure, while she hasn't necessarily been a saint... It's not ALL her fault. Okay, that'll be it for now... Waiting for the part that's like the best part, or the main part, of the story. Well, in my opinion, obviously.
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| Verity | March 29, 2008, 1:03 am Post #98 |
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The Story Girl
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Poor Charlie. The poor, tortured, heroine has been through so much. She's so confused. She somehow innocently has gotten herself thrown into the dibbling and dabbling of Metallica, and all of the drama and bullshit that goes along with it. Poor girl has so many emotions going in so many directions she probably doesn't know what she wants. I think she needs to take a break from guys in general. Her and Trish deserve a nice vacation or something. I loved the "fuck" scene with Lars though. You proved your talent to write a sex scene, but you also proved that you are also talented at writing the lusty "fuck" scences, which in my opinion are quite different to write then a sex or love scene. I can't believe that Lars answered his cellphone right afterwards though. Someone needs to shove that thing up his ass. Your description of Kira rocked. She seems very much like a fortune teller lady that I saw once, especially the tall willowly part. I thought that you wrote that whole bit very well. I'm not Pagan, but it was very interesting to read. Ownage! I feel really bad for Charlie that Ray is sick. She's had enough people that she is close to die. I feel like she got to know Ray long enough to watch him die, and that sucks. I know they wanted the bone marrow from her, but in all honesty, they should have left her alone on that one. Why make her get close to someone, only to have them ripped away? Poor Charlie. I like her a lot. She's such a fun loving character. You write her so well, but she is also very confused, and rightfully so. I feel so bad for her having to go through losing another family member, even if she doesn't know him very well. Poor gal needs some stability. I also must say I loved the part with the Bailey's and coffee. I love coffee in general but if you put some Bailey's or Kahlua in it That's another thing I adore about this fic. The details. The details bring it to life. I'd love to see this made into a movie. |
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| Fade_To_Black | March 29, 2008, 12:36 pm Post #99 |
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Bad Seed
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This has to be one of my favourite stories ever!!! Its so amazing!! I havnt posted in a while but i am always reading and praying that you update I remember reading this on the old board, so i know which direction the story's going in, but im not gonna say anything I love the chemistry between Sully and Charlie!! And im in love with Pepper hehe Cant wait for more!!! I feel so sorry for Charlie though.
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| Metalicious | March 29, 2008, 4:18 pm Post #100 |
Blackened
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Thank you for all the wonderful comments. I had to come in to work today (all day...SATURDAY!) and this made my day so much nicer!! Here's some more before I run away from work... ********************************************************* We touched down less than three hours later, and I changed my watch to San Fran time, noting that it was still more or less the middle of the night. Tugging Sully’s jacket tight around me, I took my bags and hailed a cab, going straight to my house. Remembering that my truck was at Benny’s, I dumped my stuff in the garage and decided to take my bike to the hospital. The engine roared to life and I tried to stay within the speed limits as I drove along the empty streets. When I arrived, the receptionist informed me that ‘everyone’ was up on the waiting room on the fourth floor. The elevator seemed to take an inordinate amount of time to get there, but also seemed to be moving too fast. I didn’t know what I’d find when I saw Ray. Saying a quick prayer that he’d be alright, I looked up as the lift dinged its arrival. Holding my helmet in one hand, and raking a hand through my mussed hair with the other, I stepped into the waiting area, and ran smack into Kirk “Sorry,” he muttered, and then did a double take. “Charlie?” I nodded, hugging him back with my free arm as he embraced me. “Hey, Hammett. How’s he doing?” He gave me a sad smile and my heart dropped into my stomach. “When?” “Half an hour ago? Not very long. People are starting to clear out, but we’re staying around til Jan’s ready to leave,” he gestured to Rob and James, who were huddled in another corner, stationed on either side of Cliff’s mom. “A lot of their family wasn’t able to get here in time.” He squeezed my arm. “She’ll be so happy to see you.” Standing up again, he gestured to the open door down the hall from us. “If you wanted to see him, Charlie…that’d be okay. Up to you, sweetie. If you wanted to say goodbye.” “Yeah…thanks.” I started down the hall and he gently took my arm. I glanced back and he smiled, taking my helmet from me. “Oh. Thanks, um, just put it anywhere.” I knocked on the open door, feeling stupid for doing so, since Ray wasn’t going to hear me. I felt so out of place in the clean, bright hospital room. Disheveled and tired, I wished, stupidly, that I’d thought to shower and change at home first. Like anyone would care. “Hi,” I said softly, sitting on the chair beside the bed. “I have no idea if you’re already gone, or hanging out watching everybody, or partying it up with Cliff, or what, but I hope you can hear me, wherever you are.” I took a breath and placed my hand over his cool one. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I’m sorry I only met you once. I meant to come back sooner, I should have been here.” I shook my head. “I thought…I thought we’d have more time. I should know better by now,” I whispered, thinking of my parents. “I wanted to get to know you, to talk more about Cliff, and learn more about you, and…I dunno,” I sighed. “I should have been here.” “You shouldn’t have been allowed anywhere near him,” a voice snarled behind me. I jumped and spun around, confused at who this woman was, practically baring her teeth at me. “It’s your fault,” she sobbed. “It’s all your fault that he’s gone. He was FINE until you came along,” she spat at me. A man appeared behind her and turned her towards him, shooting me an apologetic look as he guided her out of the room. I stood in the doorway, watching, and Kirk came up beside me. “You okay?” I looked over at him, still a little shaken. “What was she talking about?” Kirk put an arm around me and guided me over to a chair near Jan. “There were complications, Charlie. From the bone marrow transplant. The doctors said he wasn’t strong enough to handle it. It’s not your fault, though. Really. He was just worn out. He knew it was risky…” I’d heard enough. “I have to go.” Standing quickly, I looked around for my helmet. I wanted to speak to Jan but I was terrified she’d only be more upset by seeing me. Kirk laid a hand on my arm and I shook it off. “I shouldn’t be here,” I whispered to him. “Charlie?” Jan’s voice was strong and clear, and my knees went weak at the sound of it. I didn’t think I could face her. “Sweetheart, come here.” I walked over to her, slowly, eyes glued to the floor in front of me. “Don’t you pay any mind to Ray’s sister. She’s just taking this a little harder than the rest of us. It’s not your fault, honey.” She reached for my hand and I tried not to flinch. She lowered her voice. “She’s always been crazy. I swear Waylon got the title for that song from her,” she said, and I choked something between a sob and a laugh. “Waylon?” Rob asked quietly. “Jennings,” James and I responded at the same time. Jan chuckled, and I looked at her in awe. “This has been a long time coming, Charlie. And the only thing you can hold yourself responsible for is giving him the joy of meeting his only granddaughter. Anything else anyone says is just bullshit.” Her eyes widened. “What did you put in my tea, James, whisky?” She stood up, and I blinked back tears as she hugged me. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here,” I told her. “Please…if there’s anything I can do…” Holding me at arm’s length, she studied me. “I have five thousand, nine hundred and twelve relatives flying in over the next 72 hours, and not a thing to feed them. Can you cook?” I nodded slowly. “Are you busy tomorrow?” Shaking my head, I felt a smile tugging at my lips. “Consider it done,” I said softly. She smiled, satisfied, and hugged me again. I felt James watching us, and looked up long enough to meet his gaze for a second, before turning away. “Are you staying much longer?” “No,” she said quietly. “I think it’s time I left. Busy few days coming up.” She drew out a piece of paper from her handbag, and wrote a few sentences on it before handing it to me. “Directions to the house, sweetie. Come anytime.” She smiled, kissing my cheek. “I’m so glad you’re here, Charlie. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I stood with Kirk and James, watching her leave with an older woman. “She’s so…calm about all this,” I murmured. “Yeah, well, watching cancer eat away at someone you love isn’t much fun. She probably feels a little relieved, knowing he’s not in pain anymore,” James said quietly as he stared at his feet. “She was asking about you, she knew you’d want to see him.” Finally lifting his head enough so I could see his face under his ball cap, he gave me a half-smile. “I’m glad you’re back.” God, he looked exhausted. He had shadows under his bloodshot eyes, and his face was so pale. “I shouldn’t have left. I should have been here,” I said softly, and Kirk turned me around to face him. “You were right where you were supposed to be, Charlie.” Rubbing my arm, he glanced over to the chair where my helmet lay. “You gonna be okay to get home?” I nodded. “Yeah.” I rubbed my hand over my face. “I should go get some sleep. I’ll see you later. Thanks for calling, Kirk. I was so scared when Lars came to tell me…but it was good of you to call him.” Waving goodbye, I grabbed my helmet and took the stairs to the main entrance. It was just starting to become light out, and I looked up at the purple and red stained sky. It was such a rare occasion for me to be up at dawn, that I decided to take advantage, and turned left out of the parking lot, heading towards the beach. Checking my mirrors, I saw nobody behind me, and the road stretching out ahead of me was empty. I watched as the speedometer rose higher and higher, and eased off when it reached 130. Seeing the turnoff for the beach, I signalled and pulled in to the small parking lot. Removing my helmet, I shrugged off the jacket and my hoodie, and sat on the bike, letting the warm breeze rush over my bare arms. “Do you know how fast you were going back there, ma’am?” I jumped off the bike and spun around to face the officer, eyes wide. “Sh1t!” I bit my lip. “Sorry. I…wow, I really don’t have an excuse,” I laughed. “I was going almost twice the limit, officer. I know.” I dug out my license and the bike’s registration from under the seat and handed it to him. “You’re up awfully early this morning,” he noted as he took down my information. “Was visiting somebody in the hospital. Thought I’d swing by the beach on my way home. It’s ‘Tyler’, not ‘Taylor’,” I corrected him as he wrote down my name. He smiled and kept writing. “Honest little thing, aren’t ya. Who were you visiting? Friend have a baby or something?” “No,” I smiled. “I’m not quite at the age where all my buddies are having kids. But thanks for the ‘ma’am’ back there,” I chuckled. “My, um…grandfather’s been ill for a long time, and he passed away last night. This morning. Whatever. So I was sorta saying goodbye.” He put his pen down and stared at me, frowning. “Kinda wish you’d told me all that before I wrote out this ticket.” I shook my head. “You’re just doing your job. I was speeding, and you caught me.” I held out my hand. “Gimme the ticket.” He pulled back the slip of paper. “No.” “Give it!” He laughed. “No! “Okay…does this always work for getting out of a ticket? Cause if so, I gotta write this down.” He grinned and started to walk away. “Drive home slooooowwwwly,” he called over his shoulder. I got back on my bike and pulled my helmet on after donning my sweatshirt and jacket again. Jan seemed okay, James wasn’t mad at me, and I’d just gotten out of one hell of a speeding ticket. Today was shaping up to be a pretty good day. Pulling up outside my house, I wasn’t really surprised to see James’ truck parked in the driveway. Wheeling the bike into the garage, I went over and knocked on the passenger’s side door of the Ford, and he jerked awake. He rolled the window down and I leaned my arms on it, waiting for him to speak. “I wanted to make sure you got home safe,” he explained, looking a little sheepish. “But I lost you as soon as you left the parking lot.” He glanced up at the house. “Guess I’ll take off now.” I sighed, knowing full well he wanted an invite to stay, and opened my mouth to tell him why that was a bad idea, when Chief’s black Merc drove up behind us. “Shit!” I turned to face the car, and James got out of the truck. “Morning,” I said as Chief walked up to us, followed closely by two of his men. “Welcome back,” he gave me a quick smile, but even his dark glasses couldn’t hide the fact that it didn’t reach his eyes. “Let’s go inside, Charlie.” The five of us went inside, and I started a pot of coffee going. “I’m going upstairs to shower and change,” I told them, “and then we can talk. Deal?” Chief nodded, and the men sat around my kitchen table, chatting quietly. Wishing I could spend longer under the hot water streaming down my face, I showered quickly, and pulled on a clean pair of jeans, and a white tank top with a picture of a chopper and ‘Praise the Lowered’ written on it. Tying my wet hair back in a braid, I jogged down the stairs again and went straight for the coffee. James had apparently briefed Chief about the morning’s events. “I’m sorry about Ray,” he said. “And I’m sorry I don’t have better news for you. We raided the motel three nights ago. The guys from Louisiana were already gone. The woman who was attacked put together a composite sketch, and it’s definitely a match to one of them, but now…we’re not entirely sure where they are.” He sighed. “And in unrelated matters, Charlie, that young man who came to see you at Jake’s a while back was shot the day after you left for New York.” I leaned a hip against the kitchen counter and put my mug down, my hands shaking too badly to hold it. Closing my eyes, I tried to breathe normally. “Is he alright?” He was silent for a moment before answering. “No, honey, he’s not. He’d lost too much blood by the time he was found. Died on the scene.” “When’s the funeral?” I rubbed my eyes and picked up my coffee again. Glancing at his watch, he winced. “Two hours, at St. Luke’s. They’re letting his friend, your client, attend.” I nodded. Standing, he put his shades on again and gestured to the two men he’d brought with him. “As for the other issue, Eddie and Marco will take shifts staying with you.” He held up his hand as I started to protest. “This is non-negotiable. They’re very non-intrusive,” he insisted. I raised an eyebrow as I glanced at the men, each of whom must have tipped the scales at 250, easy. He smirked. “I’m serious. You’ll hardly know they’re here. I’ll help them get set up,” he told me. “You…take a nap or something.” The three of them went out to the porch, and I took my coffee in one hand, and the mail that had piled up while I’d been away, in the other, and headed upstairs. James was right behind me. I sat on the bed, and James immediately took the coffee and the mail from me, and put it on my dresser. “Sleep,” he ordered. “I will,” I promised, smiling as he shot me a look that totally said ‘bullshit’. “I will, James. Later. Right now I’m gonna sort my bills from my letters, then I’m going to change into a something nice and go see Lamar’s mom, and then I’m gonna do my level best to whip up fifty casseroles and take them to Jan’s house, and then I’ll have a little visit with her, see how she’s doing, after which I’ll call Lars and see how HE’s doing, and then I should probably call Pep, cause I haven’t spoken to him in a few days, and then I’ll make sure Marco and Eddie are properly settled in, and then I’ll sleep. See?” I shot him a weak smile. “I have it all planned out. What are you doing?” I asked as he yanked down the duvet and shoved my legs under it. “Kid’s funeral’s in two hours? You can sleep for one of them. I’ll wake you up in a bit.” Taking my mail AND my coffee, damn him, he left the room and shut the door behind him. _______________________________________________________________ I awoke to see that my door was wide open, and I could hear someone playing the cello. ACK! MY cello? I threw back the duvet and ran downstairs, almost falling on the last step. Peering around the door to the library, I saw Marco and James watching Eddie play, with combined looks of confusion and awe. I listened carefully, and held back a laugh as I recognized the song was one by Morphine. I saw James look up, and smile at me, and I smiled back. I knew he should have been at home with Fran, I knew the last thing I needed was to make things more complicated, I even knew it would only worsen the situation if he stuck around, but I couldn’t help feeling happy to see him. Leaving the guys to their little concert, I went back upstairs and took another shower, this time lingering a bit, letting the hot water loosen the aches in my neck and shoulders. Blow drying my hair, I straightened it, and put it back in a clip. I dressed simply, in tailored black trousers and a black button down shirt. Putting on my highest heels, I applied minimal makeup, and looked around for my little black bag. Remembering I’d packed it in my luggage, I unzipped one of the bags, and was startled to see a piece of paper wrapped around a small object. I unwrapped the paper, and a chunk of amethyst fell out. Flattening the note, I felt tingles on my neck as I started to read. “Hey doll, Got ya a little something. Amethyst is renowned for its healing powers, and emitting energy, something I thought you might need today. It’s also a powerful amulet for travelers, it reduces stress, and helps its user feel more optimistic. And…if somebody pisses you off, just whack them with the rock. Here’s to another thousand. Sul” I must have stood there, grinning like an idiot, for several minutes, reading the note over and over. Finally wrapping it around the rock again, I secured it with a hair elastic, and put it in my handbag. Exiting my bedroom, I saw James waiting at the bottom of the stairs. “Hey,” I said quietly as I walked down towards him. “Thought you might need a lift, um, unless you’re taking your bike. Charlie,” he started and then stopped, leaning against the wall and sighing. “I’m sorry. I know this isn’t the time…just…let me drive you? I’ll wait til it’s over and then bring you back here.” I thought about it for a minute, trying to remember what Kira had said when she’d read my cards. Be patient and sincere…don’t focus on the negative… “Thank you, James. That’s very kind. And I don’t want to take the bike, so I’d love a drive. I’ll be ready in a second.” I chatted with Eddie and Marco briefly, and then met James at the truck. Climbing into the passenger seat, I flipped down the visor quickly to check my makeup. I wasn’t just attending as a friend of Lamar’s, but as his Jamal’s lawyer, I wanted to attempt to look my best, even on very little sleep. “You look…um…are you nervous?” James asked in a low voice as he backed out of the driveway. “No,” I said as I stared out the window. “I’m fine.” The drive didn’t take long, and I thanked James quickly before heading into the church. I sat at the back, and watched as Lamar’s friends and family members stood up in turn to say something about him. Roughly an hour later, we all filed out of the church, and I gave James direction to the cemetery. We pulled up behind the ghost car carrying Jamal, and I caught his eye as I stepped out of the truck. Pulling my i.d. out of my bag, I passed it to the officer with him. “I’m his lawyer. I’d like a minute, please.” “That’s fine, Miss Tyler.” He stood off to one side, watching us carefully. I looked down and saw Jamal’s feet were cuffed under his suit. He looked tired, but was pleased that he’d been allowed to attend the funeral. We spoke for a few minutes, and I saw James watching us from the truck. Lamar’s mother emerged from one of the cars, and I thought I had better speak to her now, rather than later, when she’d be mobbed by relatives. “I’ll make sure Jackson visits you soon, J.” I squeezed his arm, wishing I could hug him but knowing it would only freak out the guard. “Anything you want me to send with him?” He smiled. “I read all the books in the library. You could send a couple new ones over. That your friend in the truck?” I turned to look at James, and nodded. “Could he c’mere for a second?” I looked at him, confused, and then gestured for James to get out. He bolted out of the truck and rushed over. “What?” I patted his shoulder. “Calm down, Papa Het. This is Jamal, a friend, and client, of mine. He wanted to say hi…I think.” Jamal looked at him, and broke into a huge grin. “You ever gonna come play at San Quentin again? I just went in a few months ago, but that’s all those guys ever fuckin’ talk about.” James nearly doubled over in laughter, and slung his arm around Jamal’s shoulder. I caught the duty officer’s eye and shook my head. This wasn’t a prison break, just a friendly chat. Jamal continued, “Seriously, though, man…this one guy, he works in the library there, and he told me all about when you guys played. He must be…man, he must be older than my Pops, and he’s been in for almost nine years. An’ he told me that in all those years, the only time that he actually felt like a human being, was when you came out on stage and talked to everybody. He said you were so honest, and respectful, and so cool, and man…he almost cries every time he tells me that damn story,” he laughed. “Seriously, man, it’s cool, though. I’m more of a 50 Cent fan, yo, but your stuff’s good too. But this old man, yeah, he said you were a good guy. And if you’re takin’ care of my girl, here, then you must be,” he winked at me and started to walk away. James smiled. “What’s your friend in for, if he’s been there nine years?” Jamal turned and shook his head. “Murder. But it ain’t right. Some guy in a ski mask woke him up in the middle of the night, told him he’d raped the wife in the bathroom and was gonna go after the little girl next if the guy didn’t open his safe for him. So my man opens the safe, whips out his gun and blasts the fucker. Fifteen years for manslaughter. Crazy system, puts away a man defendin’ his family.” He nodded his head at me. “See you later, Tyler.” I watched him walk away, and put a hand on James’ back as I heard him sigh. “Thank you,” I turned to look at him. “For what?” His voice was tired, and sad. “For playing San Quentin. For talking to Jamal. For coming with me today. All of it. Thanks.” I saw Lamar’s mother heading over. “I’ll be right back.” “You’re Charlie?” she asked softly when we’d reached each other. I nodded, and she gave a little smile. “My boy spoke about you a lot. I know you did everything you could to keep him safe. I also know you were helping him with school, he was so excited about that. He got a B on his last English paper, you know,” she told me proudly. I smiled and squeezed her hand. “He was a smart kid. Lots of potential, too,” I said sadly, and her eyes misted over. Dammit. Cheer her up, I told myself. Do something! Think!! “Um…I was wondering, if it were alright with you…I’d like to open a scholarship in Lamar’s name. The details can be up to you, but I was thinking a renewable one each year, maybe a few thousand dollars, to a graduating student from his high school? Would that be okay? I know my firm would be most interested in this, and I’d like to have something done in his name. Is that…alright with you?” She hugged me so hard I couldn’t breathe, and I tried to return it, but found my arms pinned to my body. “That would be wonderful. You just tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it.” I smiled when she let go, and told her I’d bring anything needing her signature to her house when it was all organized. James had pulled the truck around, and I got in, leaning against the seat and closing my eyes as we left the cemetery. “I need to hit the grocery store. Would you be able to take me, or do you need to get going?” He barked out a laugh. “Ray died, a friend of yours died, there are five dangerous men on the loose and nobody can find them, and you think I might need to ‘get going’?” I opened my eyes and caught him looking at me in disbelief. “Good luck getting rid of me at all, Charlie. Now then…how the fuck do I get to the grocery store from here?” I laughed, and directed him to the closest supermarket. He patiently pushed the cart after me while I threw in dozens of ingredients, and added some of his own. I turned around to see a pile of t-bones on top of the pasta I’d put in the cart. “Um…James? Iron deficiency? What’s up with all the steak?” “You’ve got three big guys staying at your house for a while, Charlie, you might wanna feed them.” He raised an eyebrow. “Three, huh? I only count two. Marco…Eddie…” “And Big Daddy Het,” he drawled in a very deep voice, and I just about fell over laughing. When I’d regained my composure, and he’d stopped glaring at me, I cleared my throat and spoke. “Sorry, James, but you’re not staying. One, I can’t afford to feed all three of you, two, you already have a house, a very nice house, and you belong there, and three, um, Big Daddy Het?” He struck a body builder pose and I had to lean against the shelves to steady myself as I shrieked with laughter. Wiping at tears from laughing so hard, I reached to pull him into a hug before I could think about it. “Oh my God, thank you. I haven’t laughed that hard in ages, and I really needed it today.” He patted my back gently, rubbing a hand up and down my arm. “S’what I’m here for darlin’.” I leaned against him for a moment, breathing in his scent. I felt so safe when I was near him. Confused as all f*ck, but safe. “Okay,” I said as I backed away a little. “I think I’ve got everything. Need anything else?” I looked up at him. He stared at me for a minute before shaking his head. “Nope. I’m good.” He helped me load all the bags into the back of his truck, and I heard him let out a yelp. “Your back?” I shoved the last of the bags in, and went over to him. “Yeah. It’ll be fine in a sec, just sorta felt something twinge. It’s fine, Charlie. Let’s go.” I grinned at him. “Sure you don’t need me to drive?” He laughed, and shook his head. I insisted that he not help carry the stuff in though, and Eddie came out to help instead. “Did you…buy the whole store?” he asked, staring in awe at the back of the truck. “I’m surprised you could drive, the back’s so damn weighed down it’s almost scraping the ground,” he laughed. Depositing the bags in the kitchen, he turned and put a huge hand on my shoulder. “Marco and I are gonna go see Chief for a bit, but James said he’d stay with you. We’ll be back tonight.” I looked over at James, who was attempting the pilates exercises I’d taught him, against the wall in the lounge. “Okay, Eddie. See you later then. Dinner’s around seven if you fancy it.” He smiled, and left. The afternoon flew by, and I was surprised at how comfortable I felt around James, considering I’d kicked him out, hung up on him, and possibly helped him throw himself off the wagon. He sat in the kitchen, watching and talking to me as I chopped, diced, sliced, and stirred all afternoon. By four p.m., I had six dishes that were ready to eat, and four that could be frozen, and reheated later. He stared at the counter, one hand over his mouth. “Why the hell are you a lawyer? You could open your own catering business!” I smiled, and sat down across from him. “I’d hate it if I had to do it as a job. I’d get sick of it. And you know why I’m a lawyer.” He reached out to put a hand over mine. “Cause of guys like that kid’s friend? Fuck man, if somebody messed with my family, they’d be a dead man, too. I can totally understand where that guy’s comin’ from. If somebody threatened to hurt one of my girls like that…” he stopped and lowered his gaze. “I don’t even wanna think about it.” “Nobody’s gonna hurt your babies, Papa Het.” I laid my other hand over his. “Now…fancy driving over to see Jan? I don’t think I can carry ten containers on my bike.” We pulled up her street about half an hour later, and the road was lined with cars. I carried one box, and James got the rest. Somebody held the door open for us, and a woman who looked a lot like Jan directed us to the kitchen. Jan was leaning by the stove when we walked in, and I put the box down, going over to give her a hug. “You little angel,” she murmured as she hugged me. “I can’t believe you did all this. Have you even slept today?” I nodded. I’d slept. A little. “Bless your heart. Hi honey,” she waved at James, who was standing amidst a small crowd of older women, looking like he’d been ambushed. I bit my lip to keep from smirking, and he narrowed his eyes at me. “Do you have a sister here?” I asked Jan, turning away from James. “There’s a woman in the next room with an uncanny resemblance to you.” She took my arm, and drew me aside. “I have a sister, three brothers, and various other relatives from my side, and tons from Ray’s family. And they’re not even all here yet. Charlie, these are all your relatives too, sweetie. But I understand if you’re not comfortable with telling them that right now. It’s up to you.” Christ. I hadn’t thought about that. At all. “Um…I think we should let it go for now. This is really about Ray, I don’t want to draw away from that. Maybe I could meet some of the family another time?” “You don’t deserve to meet ANYONE ELSE in my family!” a voice hissed from behind me. I turned around, prepared to deal with Ray’s sister, but James was already on it. “Hi. I’m James. I was a friend of Cliff’s. You must be his aunt. Let’s go somewhere and talk about that.” He glanced back at me as he guided her out of the room, eyes huge, and I mouthed a quick ‘thank you’ at him. “Now…where’s that lovely young man who was with you when you came to visit Ray in the clinic? He was so sweet.” She watched as I took the food I’d brought out of boxes, trying to find room for it in her freezer. “Pep? He’s on tour right now. I’ll make sure to bring him by next time he’s in town though.” I shoved the tuna pasta dish in between a tray of ice cubes and a tin of coffee, and turned back to Jan. “And you were in New York this week? How was that?” She smiled and helped me move things around in the fridge to make more room. “That was amazing. I was there with Lars, and met up with a couple of other friends. Saw a ball game, and Lars had arranged for my uncle to join us, so that was awesome, and saw a play the next night, did a lot of shopping…yeah.” I stood up, having stored all the food, and ran a hand through my hair. “You trying to distract me?” I smiled at her. “I think I’m trying to distract myself.” She dabbed at her eyes and I took her hand. “I’m sorry honey. There are a dozen women here who’ve been waiting all day for me to break down, they say it’s not normal to be this calm, but I didn’t want to do it. I need to be strong. Ray would hate for me to be sad. I should be happy that he’s with Cliff now. I should be…” she broke off and hung her head. I looked up, trying to find a door to the backyard, or somewhere discreet to take her. “It’s okay, Jan. Grief’s different for every person. I’m sure you already knew that. “Here, let’s just…” I pushed the door closest to us, and saw it led to the back porch. Oh thank God. “Let’s go out here.” I held the door for her, and she sank down to sit on the steps. “You’re gonna be fine. And you ARE strong. I don’t know how you’re doing it, but you’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. And Ray would want you to deal with this in whatever way you feel is best.” She glanced at me, and lifted one of the boards on the porch, pulling out an insulated box. Opening it, she offered it to me. “Oh my God. Cubans?” She nodded, a little smile gracing her features. “I…you…gah! Coolest grandmother EVER!” She laughed, and more tears rolled down her cheeks. I took a cigar and she offered me a light. And that’s how James found us. Her crying, me trying to comfort her, and the both of us with enormous stogies, puffing away. “Your sister’s looking for you,” he smiled at her, and she stood up, taking his hand. “Thank you, Jamie. You two go on home now. I’ll see you at the funeral, Charlie?” She smoothed her dress, and I hugged her. “Wouldn’t miss it. You bring a couple of these bad boys,” I wiggled the remains of the cigar, “and I’ll bring the scotch. We can have our own private wake.” We both laughed, and she kissed my cheek and James’ before heading back inside. “Ready to go?” he asked. I nodded, and he held the door for me. I grabbed the boxes and headed out to the front door, when I was whirled around and the boxes were torn from my hands. “Bitch!” A hand flew out and slapped me, hard, across the face. James put himself between me and Ray’s sister in a flash, and the same man who’d pulled her away from me at the hospital took her hand and gently led her away again. I pushed open the front door, and Jan followed me out. “Charlie?” she sounded so worried. The last thing she needed today was something else to stress over. I shot her a little smile. “Tell everybody what you like, Jan. Whatever’s easiest. I’m gonna go, for now. But I’ll be at the funeral on Thursday.” I thought for a moment. “Maybe tell them I slept with her husband? Might be less scandalous than me being your granddaughter?” She hooted with laughter and hugged me gently. “You go home, sweetie. Put some raw meat on your face, sort it right out.” James made it all the way to the end of the street before he said, quietly, “Aren’t ya glad we got all that steak?” And then he had to pull over, as both of us were laughing so hard. We were silent for the rest of the journey back to my house, and when we arrived, there was a phone message from the Eddie and Marco saying they’d be back late, but that all the cameras were on, and a car would be stationed out front after dark. “You start the steaks, if you’re sure you don’t mind staying. I’m gonna go make a couple calls.” “Lars?” he asked softly. I sighed. “Yeah. We didn’t really, um, leave things on a good note. I wanna speak to him before he goes to sleep. And I’ll try ringing Pep too.” He nodded, and started getting stuff from the fridge as I took the portable into the library. I rang the Astoria first, and when there was no answer in the room, I called his cell. “’lo?” A female voice answered. “Hi…I’m looking for Lars Ulrich. I’m sorry…do I have the wrong number?” She giggled. “No honey, you have the right number. He’s a little, uh, unavailable, m’kay?” I froze. The same woman who’d told me to leave the suite last night was now answering his phone? Crazed fan, my ass. Christ. I was an idiot. No wonder he’d looked sad when I left. He was feeling guilty. Focker. I hung up the phone and tried Pep’s number, and got no answer. Practically seething, I called the hotel again, and asked to be put through to room 1812. No answer there either. I contemplated getting Sully’s cell number out of his jacket, and decided against it. “Charlie?” James poked his head in the door. “You alright?” “Great!” I forced a smile and followed him out to the kitchen. We ate on the deck, and sipped coffee after dinner, before a rowdy game of basketball. I called Jackson’s office and left a voicemail about setting up a scholarship fund in Lamar’s name, and tried Pep’s phone once more. No answer. “I think I’m gonna head to bed,” I announced, wandering into the lounge where James was watching some NASCAR thing. “Stay as long as you like.” He turned and raised an eyebrow. “Ugh. You know what I mean. The guys’ll be back soon, you can take off whenever, it’s fine. I’m safe.” I left him sitting there, and went upstairs. Washed my face, brushed my teeth, flossed, moisturized, did the whole nightly routine, and didn’t even notice I was crying until I looked in the mirror again. “Fuck,” I whispered. So close. I’d almost made it the whole day. “Keep it together, dummy.” I clutched my necklace and slowed my breathing. Climbing into bed, I pulled the covers up and turned out the lights, hearing James come up the stairs. He sat on the edge of my bed in the semi-darkness. “I’m gonna stay til Eddie and Marco come back. Then I’ll take off. Okay?” I nodded. “You alright?” I nodded again. Slowly putting his arms around me, he rubbed my back. Feeling me tense up, he sighed. “Easy, Tyler, it’s just a hug.” “Thanks for everything today, James. It would have been a lot worse on my own.” He put a hand to my cheek and I resisted the urge to lean into his touch. I wished desperately that he could stay, or that Sully would magically appear. I hated the thought of sleeping alone. “Anytime, darlin’,” he murmured, and I felt his lips on my forehead. “I’ll see you soon. Have a nice, long sleep. I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.” I watched as he stood and looked at me for a moment, before turning and closing the door behind him. |
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| Metalicious | March 29, 2008, 4:19 pm Post #101 |
Blackened
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I awoke a few hours later, and rubbed my eyes, trying to make out the time on the clock by my bed. Something on my bed shifted, and my breath caught in my throat. It was completely dark, and I couldn’t see anything, but I could hear someone breathing…my mind went into overdrive. Where the hell were Eddie and Marco? And James? Did everybody just leave me? Who the fuck was in my room? “Hey…you’re awake,” a soft voice spoke. “Thought you were gonna sleep right through my visit, baby girl.” I could have passed out from the relief. Instead, I reached out a hand and he grabbed it, pulling me against him. We lay there in silence for a few minutes, him stroking my hair, me cuddling up to his side. “When did you get here?” I whispered. “’bout an hour ago. You looked so worn out, I didn’t wanna wake you, so I just kinda curled up and waited to see if you’d notice. Which you did,” he pointed out happily. “How you doin’ baby?” “Fine,” I said, my voice still quiet. “Really,” he pondered. “I wonder why Het called me this morning then, after he’d seen you at the hospital. Poor guy sounded so damn worried, had me booking the next flight out here. But…if you’re fine, I suppose there’s nothing to worry about. You’re fine with those guys being on the run again, hmm? I guess New York was fine too, then? Everything’s cool with Lars? And that other guy you were hangin’ with? And you’re fine with Ray dying? Fine with that kid being shot? Fine with being slapped in the face by some crazy chick I’m gonna have to hunt down and kill tomorrow? Hey, hey…easy, baby girl,” he said as I relented and sobbed against him. “Everything’s gone so wrong,” I sniffed. “I fucked everything up, Keenan. Lars, James, I dunno what’s gonna happen with Sully, an’ I have to take my stupid bike everywhere cause my truck can’t be fixed, and I think James is drinking again, and that woman wants to like, I dunno, ban me from ever seeing Cliff’s family again, and…where’s Trish?” I blinked at him, my eyes adjusting to the darkness. “She’s staying with Woody. She wanted to come, but she’s got a work thing. And she’s writing an article about us, too. How cool is that? Now, then, pretty girl. I’m gonna go downstairs, make you some tea, and bring it back up here. Then you can tell me all about it, from the beginning. Okay? I’ve got…” he checked his watch, “seven hours before I have to be at the airport again. That enough time?” I swallowed a sob and nodded. “Yes,” I whispered. I stood as he got up, and wrapped my arms around him. “Thank you for coming.” He ran his fingers over my back and kissed the top of my head. “Shhhh, baby girl. No need for thanks, you woulda done the same thing. Get back in bed, I’ll go get the tea. Mint?” He cupped my cheek. I touched a hand to my lips, thinking of Sully, and how he’d tasted when I kissed him goodbye. “Yes please.” I sat back on the bed, pulling the duvet over my bare legs, and wiped at the tears on my face. Pepper was back in record time, balancing a mug and two glasses of what I assumed was whisky, on a little tray. We sipped at the whisky as I waited for the tea to cool a little, and I told him about crashing my truck, and throwing James out of the house. He was silent when I’d finished, and then put his glass down. “Darlin’…I’m afraid I’m gonna have to kick his ass. It’s only fair.” I giggled and took another sip of whisky, followed by a sip of the tea, and nearly gagged. “Oh god…THAT is a bad combo. Thanks for the tea honey, but I think I’m gonna have to skip it.” I placed the mug back down and he gestured for me to keep talking. I told him all about meeting Sully at the club, and Lars getting angry, and then rushed through the details about sleeping with Lars, and how Sully was sort of involved the second time, and then explained briefly how I’d pissed off Lars so much that he brought another girl back to the hotel, and how I’d been found in the lobby by Sully…and then I just sort of trailed off. He brushed a hand over my hair. “So you slept with him, too?” I nodded. “Fuck’s sake, Charlotte Elizabeth. What’s goin’ on with you? First James, then Lars, then fucking Sully Erna, of all people. Christ, the guy’s tiny. You must outweigh him by twenty pounds.” I shrank back from him. “Pep?” He stood up and went over to the window. “I’m sorry…it’s just…why is it always someone else? I could see why you’d go for Het, he’s your type. I was even flattered, cause you said he was like me. But Ulrich? And Sully?” Turning slowly to face me, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Why, Charlie? Why is it always someone else?” Walking over to the bed, he sat beside me and cupped my cheek. “Why is it never me?” Oh God. “What?” I gasped. “You don’t…we don’t…you never…WHAT?” I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Tears started sliding down my cheeks again and I was powerless to stop them. His arms went around me, and I could hear him whispering ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again. I pulled back and took his face in my hands. “Christ, Pep, why didn’t you tell me?” He gave me a sad smile. “Scared you puke on me again, maybe?” I hugged him again. “It’s just…I always thought we’d end up together. When you started feeling better about things, you know? And then out of nowhere, BANG, there’s Het. I felt like it wasn’t fair. I know you so well, I thought…I thought I was the one who could make you happy.” I traced little circles on his back, resting my head on his shoulder. “You DO make me happy, though. Happier than anyone else does.” He sighed. “It’s not the same.” Kissing my cheek, he leaned back. “Sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to lay this all on you tonight. I know you’re havin’ a rough time.” I shook my head, pulling him close again. “I wanted it to be you,” I told him. “I did. But I was so scared. Scared I wasn’t ready…scared it’d fuck everything up with us…scared you wouldn’t want me…that I was too damaged, not good enough for you, I didn’t deserve someone like you. God, Pep, for six months you were my whole world. I didn’t want to lose you.” He stared at me, shock written on his face. “Lose me?” He pushed his face close to mine. “Understand this, baby girl, you can never lose me, okay? Never. No matter what. This is forever, remember?” I wiped furiously at the tears that were running down my face. “Pep?” I whispered. He turned his head, and I pressed my lips to his. He was supposed to be with Trish, and I had seventy billion issues with the men already in my life, but I had to do this. His mouth opened slightly and I parted my lips in response, touching my tongue to his. I felt his hand slide up the back of my tee shirt, barely grazing my skin, and I shivered against his touch, arching into the kiss. He lifted my shirt off and I untucked his, pulling it over his head. Pushing me back on the bed, he kept kissing me, tentatively running his fingers over my ribcage, not daring to go any higher. It felt good, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t right. “Pep…” I said again, and he cut me off. “I can’t do this,” he whispered. Oh thank God. “I’m sorry, baby. Please tell me I haven’t just wrecked everything with us.” He held on to me tightly, rocking me back and forth. I laughed with relief. “No, sweetie, I think you might have just saved everything with us.” I kissed him again, lightly, and then again on the cheek, looking at him solemnly. “Thank you for coming to see me in the middle of the night to make sure I was okay, and then to confuse the hell out of me, and make me spill my guts to you about us, and then get me all hot and bothered before telling me to ‘go to sleep baby girl’,” I said in a rush. He burst out laughing. “You’re welcome!” Sliding an arm around me, he pulled the sheets up, and tucked me against him. “Now go to sleep, baby girl.” I relaxed against him, my arm slung over his chest as it rose and fell slowly. “Love you, Keenan,” I murmured. He squeezed me tighter and mumbled the same thing back to me. _____________________________________________________________________ Waking a few hours later, I felt the breeze from the open window on my bare back, and realized Pep had pulled his usual stunt of shoving the covers down around his waist. My arm was still laying across him, and I kept my eyes closed, listening to him breathe. Suddenly I heard someone clear their throat from behind me, and Pep shifted on the bed, moving my arm off him. Please don’t be Trish, please don’t be Trish, please don’t be Trish, I begged silently, my eyes still shut. “Morning, Het,” Pep muttered. Oh shiiiiit… “You’re here early,” he said quietly, and I felt him move off the bed. “Could say the same for you,” James replied, sounding fairly pissed. “Have a fun night?” I heard Pep sigh from beside the bed, and realized he was sitting in the wicker chair by the window. “It ain’t what it looks like.” Laughing softly, he said, “I know that makes it look even worse when I say that, but believe me…” “None of my business, anyway.” James sounded farther away, and I peeked one eye open to see he was leaning against the dresser, facing away from me. “So…how’s the tour goin’?” Pep sighed. “Amazing. Crowds have been awesome, Lemmy’s joined us a few times for some songs, and having Trish come along has been the coolest thing…fuuuck. She’s gonna be pissed when I tell her about this.” “Thought you said it wasn’t what it looked like.” Another sigh from Pep. “It’s not. Except…it kinda is. When you called and said she needed me, I got on the first available flight, and I hoped you were overreacting. But Christ, James, when I saw her last night…I haven’t seen her like that in so long. She was crying in her sleep, and clutching the pillow so tightly that I couldn’t pull it out of her grip. She used to sleep like that when she first stayed with me. I’d roll over in the middle of the night and she’d be fast asleep, tears rolling down her face. I just watched her for a while, and when she woke up, and told me about everything that’s been going on – and fuck, girl’s been busy – I was so angry.” “You got mad at her?” James’ voice was incredulous. “She was crying in her sleep and you got MAD at her?” “Hey, easy there, Mr Throws His Wedding Ring at Her,” Pep shot back, chuckling. “Remind me to kick your ass for that later, by the way. Anyway, yeah, I got pretty upset. We had a good talk though, kinda cleared the air about some stuff. But then, I think she still felt awful about what I’d said, and she kissed me. Hold on!” he said as James sighed heavily. “We didn’t get anywhere. It was too…I dunno. It was just wrong. I think she knew that, and just wanted to let me realize it for myself. I think I just wanted her for so long…but I don’t feel like that towards her anymore. I mean I love her like crazy, always will, but…I’m not in love with her. Anymore. I don’t know when it changed, but it did. Thank God, cause poor thing has enough shit to deal with without me adding to the mix.” James laughed. “And Trish?” I opened my eyes slightly to see Pep’s face as he responded. He shot James a huge grin. “Head over fucking heels. And it’s scaring the shit outta me.” “Stop trying to get with other chicks, then, man,” James laughed. “Seriously, she’s a cool girl. You should hold on to her.” His voice was sad and wistful, and Pep picked up on it straight away. “And you, buddy? How’s things with the woman in your life? Or the women, I should say. Cali and Cella doin’ okay? And my main man, Cas?” “Yeah, kids are great. School’s finished, so we’re enrolling them in a bunch of camps and shit. Spent most of Friday doing work on the hot rod, and Cali helped, that was pretty cool. Cella watched too, she’s so damn fascinated with cars, it’s awesome.” “And Fran?” Pep asked quietly. James was silent for a long time before answering. “I don’t wanna wake Charlie. Let’s go downstairs.” Dammit! I wanted to hear about Fran. I listened to them leave the room, shutting the door behind them. Knowing they’d be chatting in the kitchen, I got out of bed and pulled on the jeans and tank top I’d worn the day before and tiptoed down the stairs in my bare feet, carrying the tray with the two empty whisky glasses and the mug. I made it to the bottom step before I tripped, over my own feet apparently, and the tray went flying. Glass shattered, the mug broke, and the tray clanged on the wooden floor. “Mornin’, baby girl,” Pepper called from the kitchen. I laughed, and James appeared in front of me. “Don’t move. Lemme clean the glass up first,” he said quickly, pointing to my feet. Pep joined him and the two of them picked up the shards of glass, and mug, before letting me stand up. “You sleep okay?” James asked quietly as I washed the tray. “Yeah…think so. Bit of a rude wake up call,” I grinned at Pep, who smiled, “but for the most part, I was just so happy to be able to sleep.” “And you should still be up there, sleeping, far as I’m concerned,” Pep said firmly. “It’s not even eight o’clock, sweets. And you barely slept yesterday.” He held out his hand, and I reluctantly took it, letting him lead me back upstairs. “And no more eavesdropping, either,” he scolded me. I giggled. “Then stop having conversations in my room when I’m there! Hey…Pep?” He sat on the bed beside me, waiting for me to continue. “About Trish…have her call me if she needs to talk about what happened, but also,” I took his face in my hands, “James was right. If you’re that nuts about her, you should try to hold on to her. Don’t be scared. You’re not gonna fuck this up. Just be happy that you found somebody like her.” “Ahhh, baby girl,” he sighed as he kissed my forehead. “Wise beyond your 26 years.” “Hey! Twenty-five!” I sputtered. “Hmmm…birthday’s around the corner though,” he grinned, knowing my age was a painful subject for me. “Bastard! It’s not for five months!” I smacked his arm and laughed, and he rumpled my hair before leaving the room again. I heard him come back in a little while later, to say goodbye, and hugged him briefly, exchanging ‘I love you’s’ before drifting off to sleep again. Around nine a.m., I rolled over to turn off my alarm, and saw James sitting in the wicker chair, watching me. His eyes were half-closed, like he’d been dozing, but he still looked exhausted. I held out a hand, and he smiled a little, taking it, letting me pull him onto the bed. Lying on his side, on top of the covers, he put an arm around me. I moved the sheets down a little so I could put my arm over his side, and snuggled up to his chest. When I woke again at noon, he was still holding me, but already awake. “Hey,” he said softly when I looked up at him. “You are never allowed to smoke cigars again.” “Mmmmmm,” I yawned and stretched against him. “How come?” “Cause I’ve been lyin’ here with you snoring on me for the last three hours and your breath fuckin’ stinks,” he deadpanned, and then broke into a grin as I collapsed into giggles. Pushing back the covers, I got up, and stretched my arms above my head. He tugged on the bottom of my tank top. “I like this shirt,” he said, smiling. “Yeah? Want me to find out if they’ve got one in your size, Big Daddy Het?” I laughed. He growled and grabbed me around the waist, plunking me onto his lap sideways. I leaned against his shoulder, not sure where this was headed, or where I wanted it to go. “I’ll let you up in a sec,” he told me. “It’s just…it’s so good to see you.” I shifted so I could see him properly. “It’s good to be seen,” I said with my hand over my mouth. He frowned and reached for my hand. “Cigar breath,” I mumbled. He laughed and lifted me off his lap, patting my butt lightly. “What are you up to today?” He watched as I gathered stuff for my shower. “Um…depends. Thought I might hang out with my buddy, James Hetfield. Go check on my truck, pick up my dogs, take them to the beach…unless you have other, um, obligations.” I waited for him to respond, trying to read his expression. “Sounds good,” he shot me a grin. “I’ll be downstairs. Coffee?” “God, yes. Let’s replace smoke breath with coffee breath. Brilliant,” I laughed as I headed into the shower. Several minutes later, I toweled off and put on my bikini, in case the beach was warm enough for a dip. Pulling on a pair of baggy jeans, I sniffed the chopper tank top, and decided it was still clean, so I tugged it on, and went down to the kitchen. James and Marco were playing Grand Theft Auto 3 in the lounge, and I helped myself to coffee while sifting through my mail. There was a letter from a law firm, but I didn’t recognize the name. Tearing it open, I gasped as I read the first lines. “Holy crap, that was fast.” James appeared in front of me, concerned. “What’s up?” “Ray’s lawyers…sent me a letter. They’re not having a reading of the will. Apparently he requested they just inform everybody of his wishes.” I stared up at James, completely confused. “Did you know he had a ranch?” Forty-five minutes, and several wrong turns later, James and I were standing in the middle of an enormous field. A three-storey house stood off to our right, and the sweetest little barn I’d ever seen was to the left. “This has GOT to be a mistake,” I muttered, pulling out my cell phone. I called Jan, and a very nice woman took my name and phone number, saying she’d get Jan to ring me when she got in. Joining James in the barn, I stood in the middle of the floor and looked around. The structure itself wasn’t that big, but the ceiling was high, with wooden beams stretched across it. “Reminds me of the cabin,” James said, looking around. I nodded. “Was just thinking that.” I wandered over to the ladder on the wall, and started climbing up to the loft. “James! This is awesome, come up here.” He hustled up the ladder and sat down beside me, our legs hanging over the side. Suddenly he froze. “I’ve been here before,” he said slowly, standing up. I was surprised he didn’t hit his head on the beams. “Cliff and I came here once, drinking. We passed out up here, and I woke up in the morning to find him almost falling off the side. Scared the crap outta me.” He walked over to the little window and sat beside it, peering out. “And then we came here again, the rest of us.” I moved to sit beside him, and he pointed out the window. “See the bigass oak tree to the right of the house?” “Yeah…” “That’s one of the places we scattered his ashes.” He stared out the window, and I took his hand, squeezing it. He turned and smiled at me. “Guess Ray wanted you to have a place where you could be close to Cliff.” I shook my head. “I dunno. I’m still not sure this isn’t just a big mix-up.” He cocked his head to one side, looking at me curiously. “You’ve been through so much bad stuff, Charlie…why’s it so hard to believe that something good might happen for you, too?” “It’s not that, James. Tons of good stuff – great stuff – has happened to me. There’s been far more good than bad, in face. I have a job I love, a great house and two awesome doggies; I got to meet you guys, and Ran and Jan; the lead singer of COC is one of my dearest friends…” I smiled at him. “The lead singer of Metallica is another…” He reached out a hand and his fingers grazed my skin, touching the necklace Sully had given me. “And the lead singer of Godsmack?” Fuuuuuuuuuuck. “Um, yes. He gave me this shiny new necklace.” Relief washed over me when James laughed. “What happens in New York stays in New York, hmm?” he grinned at me. I smiled as my phone rang. “Something like that. ‘scuse me.” It was Jan calling back, and I listened as she confirmed that yes, the ranch was to be mine, to do with it as I chose. I could keep it, sell it, auction it, or set the whole damn thing on fire if I so desired. We made plans to chat again on Wednesday, and hung up. “Well?” He raised his eyebrows, a smile playing on his lips.” “All mine,” I shrugged and stood up. He followed me down the ladder and out to the sunlight again. “Charlie…” he said softly, and I turned around. He studied me and tucked a finger in my waistband, tugging at my jeans. “You on a diet?” I shook my head, confused. “Been workin’ out more than usual?” I looked up at him, wondering what the hell he was getting at. “You look…smaller.” Wrapping his hands around my waist, he narrowed his eyes at me. “Scratch that, you ARE smaller. What’s goin’ on?” I blew out a breath. “My metabolism goes a little crazy when I’m stressed. I must have lost a little weight.” “Christ…what the hell happened in New York?” I folded my arms across my chest and looked down. “Wasn’t just New York, James. It’s been a hell of a couple weeks.” I looked up to see his worried stare, and tried to reassure him with a smile. “No worries, Het. It always goes back to normal.” He put his hands on my waist again. “Would it get back to normal quicker if I took you to lunch?” I grinned. “Couldn’t hurt.” We decided to eat at Benny’s place, and I watched in awe as James polished off a ton of ribs. Picking up the dogs on our way back, we spent the rest of the afternoon on the beach. I asked once if he had anywhere else he had to be, and his response was an emphatic ‘no’, so I didn’t ask again. Eddie joined us for dinner, and Marco came on shift at eight, just as James was winning his third game of GTA3. “I’m gonna go make a couple calls, Het. I’ll be back down in a bit.” I got to the doorway and turned around. “I don’t know what’s going on at home for you right now…but if you need a place to stay, you’re more than welcome to crash here.” I left to go upstairs before he could respond. Pulling Sully’s number out of his jacket, I dialed his cell. “Hey, princess,” he said when he picked up. I laughed. “How’d you know it was me?” “You’re the only person in the bay area with my number…unless you’ve been passing it around?” he feigned worry, and I giggled. “How you doin’, girl? You find the little something I left in your bag?” “Yes, thanks so much for that. I’ve knocked out three people with the rock so far.” I grinned as I heard him chuckle. “That was really sweet, Sul, thank you.” I wandered into the bathroom as I talked, and started running a bath. He told me he’d met up with Kira for a Summer Solstice party, and that she’d asked about me. “Anubis misses you,” he laughed. We chatted a bit longer, and he said he’d be heading back to Boston in a couple days. He’d talked to Lars, briefly, and found out about Ray. He agreed that Jan was one of the coolest women ever to be storing quality cigars under her back porch, and was thrilled that I’d inherited the ranch. “Can you hang on a second?” I asked and he complied. I put the phone down, and got undressed. Climbing into the tub, I sighed with pleasure before picking up the phone again. “Sorry about that. I’m back now.” “How’s James? Any signs of him being, um, wagonless?” I closed my eyes and leaned back in the tub. “Not that I’ve seen.” He was silent for a moment and I thought we’d been disconnected. “Sully?” “Sorry, babes. Just spacing out. Do I hear water? Are you out by your pool?” “Um….sure?” He laughed. “Liar. You’re in the bath, aren’t ya. Good for you, sweets. You deserve to relax. Look, I’m gonna take off, I promised to meet Shan down in the bar. But I’ll call you when I get back to Boston. Miss you, girl.” “Me too. Have fun with Shan. I’ll talk to you in a couple days.” Hanging up, I dropped the phone to the floor, and sank up to my neck in the water. I soaked for a few more minutes, and then pulled the plug. I dressed in my pink Juicy pants and an old 49ers jersey. Flipping through my cds, I found the Dire Straits Hits one and popped it in. Romeo and Juliet was just starting up when James knocked on the door. “C’mon in.” “Hey…ohhhhhh no no no. You can’t wear that. I…oh no. It’s just wrong. Change into something else, Charlie, I’m begging you. Not a 49ers jersey. Christ, woman. Have you no respect? How would you feel if I wandered around in a Red Sox shirt?” I gasped. “Bite your tongue!” He laughed and I patted the bed beside me. “What’s up? You takin’ off for the night?” “Actually, I thought I might stay. If that’s still okay with you. Pep mentioned you weren’t sleeping great, and while I’m sure Marco’s a great watchdog, I’d feel better if I were here too. Not here…” he backpedaled, looking around, “um, across the hall. Or wherever you put me. I didn’t mean…” he laughed. “God. Aaaaaanyway.” I giggled. “Across the hall is fine. I think the bed’s already made up, but I’ll double check.” Leading him to the bedroom he’d stayed in when he last slept over, I dug out some towels and found the toothbrush he’d used. “All set. I’m gonna turn in early, I’m still feeling kind of travel-hung-over.” I kissed his cheek and went back into my bedroom, closing the door as the song was finishing. Turning out the lights, I crawled into bed, not bothering to undress in case either one of the guys knocked in the middle of the night. I was happy James was staying. I had no idea where the little angel had gone, but the little devil on my shoulder was doing a dance of joy. Snuggling down under the covers, I closed my eyes and drifted off. _____________________________________________________________________ I woke up a few hours later, cursing myself for drinking two cups of tea after dinner, and opened my door to see if the guys had gone to bed. Marco’s doorway was dark, but I could see light under James’, and I knocked softly. He opened the door, looking surprised to see me. “Can’t sleep, Big Daddy?” “Pretty much,” he answered. “Wanna talk about it?” “Not really. But thanks for the offer.” “’kay. Night then.” I started to turn away and felt his hand on my shoulder. Turning around, I heaved a huge sigh and decided to be straight with him. “Look, James…I hate sleeping alone. I’m afraid of having you in bed with me, cause it’s so damn tempting to fool around. But I’d much rather have you stay with me, than think of you being alone in here, all sad and tired cause you can’t get to sleep. And if I’m crying in my sleep, I’d feel a hell of a lot better waking up with you there. Deal?” “Deal,” he said softly. Well. That was easy. I led him into my room, and then remembered why I’d gotten up in the first place. “Be right back,” I said, going into my en suite. When I emerged shortly after, I stopped in the doorway, staring at the form on my bed. James was curled up on top of the duvet, an arm laying over my side of the bed, fast asleep. |
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| Metalicious | March 29, 2008, 4:24 pm Post #102 |
Blackened
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“Well, damn, Het. That was fast,” I smiled. Turning out the bathroom light, I crept over to the bed and folded the top blanket back over him so he wouldn’t get cold. Tracing a finger over his Lead Foot tat, I bent and kissed the back of his neck. God, he smelled good. “Sweet dreams, Papa Het.” He shifted slightly and held up his arm, and I snuggled under it. We’d only been asleep a short time when I heard a crash from downstairs, and Marco yelling. Then the bed moved. Along with the dresser, the chair, and the rest of the house. “Earthquake!” James said quickly, hauling me off the bed with him. Taking my hand, he raced downstairs with me stumbling behind him. “Ooh! How exciting! You know, I’ve never been in one of these,” I told him, as he looked around for a safe place to stand. He stopped for a minute, and stared at me in disbelief. “What? Can’t be THAT bad. Stuff shakes, things fall, and then we go back to sleep. No?” He opened his mouth to respond as the ground continued to shake, and the big frame with the recent picture of Met fell to the floor, shattering. “Well, shit,” I said flatly. “Stay here,” he instructed, placing me under one of the doorways. I grabbed at the waist of his boxers. “Where the hell are you going?” He pointed to the backyard. “Your dogs are probably freaking out right now. I’m gonna go bring them in.” He turned and jogged out to the kitchen, and I followed close behind. “What are you doing? I told you to stay back there!” He glanced over his shoulder and glared at me. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you said ‘hey, Charlie, you must be kinda scared right now. Don’t worry, I won’t leave you alone, come with me while I get the dogs and bring them in.’ Fuck you!” I ran past him and opened the door to the deck, standing back as the dogs raced in. James caught them both and led them over to the doorway we’d been standing in before. “Sit!” he instructed. They did so. “Stay!” he commanded, and Duke lifted a paw. I could see James trying not to smile, and went over to him. He put both arms on my shoulders, pressing me against the doorframe. “Stay,” he said softly, as the ground continued to shake under us. I gave him a weak smile and tried to stand still, but kept jumping every time something fell off a shelf and broke. “Charlie,” he murmured, taking my chin in his hand so I’d look at him. “Eyes on me, baby. It’ll stop in a second.” I leaned over the dogs, who were sitting between us, and slid my arms around his waist. He kissed the top of my head, and I closed my eyes, wishing the shaking would end. Duke whined softly beneath us, and I let go of James, sliding down to the floor. “Shhh, boys,” I said, hugging both dogs to me and trying to keep the fear out of my voice. “Big Daddy Het’s here, see? He won’t let anything bad happen.” I glanced up at James. “No pressure.” Everything went still, and I started to stand up, when there was another little shake. “Aftershocks,” James explained. “Worst is over, guys,” he told the dogs, who tilted their heads at him and beat the floor with their tails. Grinning, he padded into the kitchen and hauled out the bag of treats I kept for the dogs. Sitting on the floor by the table, he fed one to each dog, and I watched as the three of them started wrestling. “Everybody okay in here?” Marco appeared by my side. I informed him we were fine, and he headed back to the library, where he’d been reading when the quake hit. I went to sit beside James, and Duke rubbed his nose on my cheek. “Hi, pup,” I giggled. “Oh my, don’t you have lovely breath. Ugh. Go play with Fire,” I instructed, and James laughed. “Did you wanna call and check on your kids?” He shook his head. “They’re staying with their cousins for the week. Well outta the range of the quake.” Leaning against him, I ran a finger over his knee. “How do you know? Can you tell how big a quake is?” He chuckled. “No, sugar, but their cousins live in Oregon. I think I can safely assume they didn’t feel it there.” Putting his arm around my shoulders, he sighed. “What was that you were saying earlier? It’s been a hell of a couple weeks?” I nodded solemnly. “Yes. I expect swarms of locusts will show up any minute now.” I glanced around at the debris on the floor of the living room. “I’m gonna do a bit of tidying. Can you hang with the dogs for a bit longer?” “Sure,” he nodded and bent his head to kiss my cheek, moving his head at the last second so his lips grazed my mouth. “Goodness,” I said quietly as he pulled away, eyes wide. He was obviously as surprised by his actions as I was. “And here I was, all worried about you in the bedroom. I did NOT see this whole kitchen seduction thing coming,” I grinned at him. I leaned up for another kiss and Fire growled. “Awww,” I patted him. “Has nobody kissed you today? Poor puppy. Kiss James!” I commanded and he obediently licked James’ face from bottom to top. “Good boy,” I laughed, while James stared at me, mouth wide open. I lifted his jaw shut. “Better close that, don’t want him getting too fresh with ya.” I stood up and started straightening things on the counter while James washed his face in the sink. Patting himself dry, he ran a hand over my hair. “Want some help?” I led him into the lounge. “If you could just sit here, hang with the dogs, maybe play a little Playstation or something…that would be great. Unless you’re too sleepy, in which case, feel free to head back to bed. But if you’re awake enough, I’d love the company.” He settled into the couch and flicked on the tv, watching reports of the quake while I tidied up around him. Righting picture frames that had shifted, sweeping up the glass from the one that had broken, re-shelving books that had fallen, I was so into the cleaning that I didn’t notice James talking to me until he whirled me around to face him. “What?” He wiggled my phone at me. “Sully,” he said, handing me the receiver. “Hello?” I sat on the couch beside James, hoping it would be a short conversation. “Hey, girl…I just got up and turned on the news and saw there was a big fat earthquake in your area. You okay? And was that Het who answered the phone?” “Yes, and yes,” I told him. “Also? Earthquakes? Are scary. I did not enjoy that,” I informed him firmly. “I’m giving serious thought to moving back to London so I don’t have to go through another one.” He laughed. “Don’t you dare. My frequent flier miles won’t stretch to international flights. How are things with Het?” he paused. “I shouldn’t ask. He’s probably still right there, and it’s none of my business. But you’re okay, right?” “Absolutely fine. But thanks for calling to check. Call me from Boston?” “You know it. Bye, Princess.” We hung up and I put the phone on the coffee table. “So...” James and I said at the same time and laughed. “I, um…wanted to tell you, Charlie,” he continued. “Whatever happened, or is happening, between you and Sully,” he said slowly, “isn’t any of my business. And if you don’t wanna talk about your trip, that’s totally fine with me. I just don’t want to piss anybody off when I do stuff like this.” He leaned in and kissed me, slowly teasing my lips apart with his tongue as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. Brushing his lips over mine again, he smiled. “You ‘bout done cleaning up, then?” he asked, looking around. “Except for all the papers on the floor?” he grinned, taking the stack that had slipped to the floor. “Charlie…what’s this? Why’s my name on it? And Lars’?” I grabbed the paper from him. “That’s, um, a, um, a sort of case study I was working on. Hypothetical stuff. That’s all.” Crap, crap, crap. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thrown that away. Or burned it. Crap! He grabbed it back, and I watched as he scanned the page, and then looked at me, eyes dark and angry. “You were comparing the two of us? What the hell is wrong with you?” He stood abruptly and crumpled the paper, tossing it behind him. “I’m too tired to deal with this shit, I’m going to bed.” I sat silently as he made his way to the stairs, before turning to face me once more. There was no point in trying to explain, he was obviously in no mood to listen. “Night, James.” He just shook his head and went upstairs. I glanced up at the ceiling. “Couldn’t You have just sent the locusts?” I ushered the dogs back outside, and went upstairs, expecting to find my room empty. James was lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I stood in the doorway, not really sure what to say. “Do you want me to sleep in the other room?” he glanced over at me. “No…what I said before still stands. I’d rather have you in here.” I lay down beside him and drew the sheets over my shoulders. He rolled over on his side, facing away from me. I resisted the urge to reach out to him, and stared at his tattoo instead, until my eyes became too heavy to keep open. ______________________________________________________________________________ “Shhh, baby, it’s okay,” I awoke to James rocking me against him, and realized I’d been crying in my sleep again. I took a deep breath and relaxed in his arms. “Are you awake, darlin’?” he murmured against my hair. “If I say yes, are you gonna roll over and face the wall again? Cause if that’s the case, then I’m still sleeping,” I informed him. He pressed a kiss to my brow. “Nope. Staying right here. What happened, you have a bad dream? Pep said you did this last night, too.” I sighed. “Yeah, it goes along with the crazy metabolism. I stress in my sleep, apparently. James, about the paper you saw…” I knew he didn’t want to hear it, but I hated the idea of him going back to sleep still upset with me, even if he seemed to be okay for the moment. He started to shush me but I put a hand over his mouth, gently. I needed to say this, even if he didn’t want to hear it. “It wasn’t a comparison. It’s just the way I work out difficult decisions. I have to make lists, pros and cons, take into account all the facts…” I saw him roll his eyes and I smiled. “I’m a lawyer, Het. It comes with the territory. I know it seems horribly impersonal, but I’ve let my heart lead my head too many times, and I got tired of getting burned.” “So you wrote all that stuff down to help you decide…what exactly?” he was running his hand up and down my hip, making it hard for me to concentrate. “Um…it was about New York, and whether or not I should go. My brain was telling me I needed to get away for a bit…” “And your heart?” he asked softly, moving his hand up to my chest. “Was telling me to stay right here with you.” I placed a hand over his, and leaned up to kiss his cheek. “All the same, I’m sorry about the paper.” He slid both arms around me and rolled, pulling me on top of him. “Don’t be that sorry. I did see something or other about me being good with the kissing. Now tell me, little miss lawyer…would that be a pro? Or a con. Taking into account all the facts of course,” he shot me a wicked grin and pressed me against his groin. I moaned at how hard he was, and slid a hand between us to touch him. “Ah ah ah,” he scolded, pushing my hand away. “Answer the question.” I bent my head to his until my mouth was hovering above his own. “Pro,” I said, and kissed him hard, tugging at his boxers. I was surprised, and annoyed, when he pushed my hand away again. “You keep that up, and I’ma write a new list. It won’t be pretty,” I told him. Running a hand over my hair, he kissed me softly before easing me down off him. “Will you trust me when I say there’s a good reason for why I’m stopping?” he caught my expression and laughed. “And no, it has nothing to do with infectious diseases.” I looked away, confused. “Are you punishing me? For going to New York? Or for what you saw on that paper?” “God…no, Charlie. I understand why you went away, and you’ve just explained about the paper. It’s nothin’ like that, baby, trust me. C’mere,” he drew me towards him again, and I could still feel how aroused he was. I pushed him away, sighing. “James, whether or not it’s intentional, you ARE punishing me. You’re lying there, almost naked, hard as a fucking rock, smelling all yummy and you look…Jesus. Good, okay? You look good. And you won’t let me touch you. That, pal of mine, is punishment.” He grinned at me and I laughed. “What? I’m just saying. It’s a…a waste of hotness.” “It’s not on purpose, Charlie, I swear. And I’m not trying to tease you. Hang on. Let me think for a minute, it’ll go away.” He closed his eyes and muttered under his breath. I leaned over and heard the words ‘hockey…Gio naked…Lars’ mom…’ and burst out laughing. “Is it working?” He opened one eye and smirked. “It was until I looked at you again. Just a sec.” He rolled over, and keeping his eyes closed, reached out an arm and slung it over me. “Okay. Now I can sleep. I promise everything will make sense tomorrow. Ohhh…I meant to ask. You busy tomorrow night?” his eyes were still closed. “Um…not really,” I said slowly, thinking that my plan of a bubble bath and a good book followed by a fifteen hour sleep could wait if James were offering something else. “Good. Be ready at seven. I’ll be outta here tomorrow before you get up, but I’ll be back to pick you up then.” He slid a hand up the back of my shirt and rubbed his thumb over my shoulder blade. “Night, Charlie.” “Night, tease.” When I woke at nine, Eddie was in the kitchen, and told me James had left around eight. We chatted as I ate my cereal, and flipped through the newspaper. I fed the dogs, watered the garden, swam laps until I lost count of how many I’d done, and that only took me til eleven a.m. Eight hours until James, I thought to myself. I called Jan at noon, to get details on where and when the funeral would be. She sounded upbeat, and promised to make good on our deal with the scotch and stogies. When we hung up, I baked a double batch of blueberry muffins and packed up half to take to Mrs. Deanez. She was reading on her back deck when I looked over the fence, and smiled when she saw me. “Hello, sunshine. Come here and give me an update. I haven’t heard a good story in days.” We had tea and ate two muffins each, while I spilled the details – most of them, anyway – on New York, and then Ray and Jan. She patted my hand when I’d finished. “So…what’s going on with James and his wife? You don’t know?” I shook my head. “Oh dear. You be careful, sweetie. A woman scorned and all that,” she wagged her finger at me. “That said, he is most attractive. I can see why you like him.” I giggled, and we turned the conversation to Trish and Pepper. “Do you think I should call her?” I asked as I accepted another cup of tea. “Nope. If she wants to talk about it, she’ll call you. He might not have told her yet. It’s between the two of them until she calls you. And then you better talk fast, sweetie.” She grinned at me. We spent another hour chatting and I promised to come see her later in the week and tell her how the funeral went. She also wanted me to send Lars over to see her when he got back, so she could kick his ‘little Danish patootie’. I headed back to the house, and wondered what to do next, now that I’d spoken to my real, and surrogate grandmothers. That dilemma was solved for me when I wandered into my living room to find Rob and Kirk chatting to Eddie. “Hi!” I ran over to hug each of them, and looked at them expectantly. “To what do I owe the honor? I never get to see you guys!” “Ocean beach,” Rob said sagely. “Twenty footers,” Kirk added. “Get your suit,” Rob pointed to the stairs and I raced up, changing into my black board shorts and wet suit top. “Damn, woman…” Rob said when I ran back down to the living room. “You’re speedy! Let’s go.” We jumped into Kirk’s car, and I was thrilled to see they’d brought along a third board for me to use. The beach was busy, but not packed. I paddled out with Rob first, and caught the second wave in. Kirk applauded, laughing, as I made it close to the shore before doing a face plant in the water. The three of us spent a good hour trying to do tricks and stay upright longer than each other, before Kirk gestured for me to follow him a little farther out. I paddled behind him, and sat up on my board when he stopped, sitting with my body fully on the board, knees up under my chin. “Sharks,” I informed him when he laughed at my stance. “No sharks. It’s too cold for them. You warm enough?” I nodded. “I heard you had a run in with Jan’s sister in law yesterday. Did she hurt you?” “No…I’m fine. She’s just grieving. I can’t blame her for thinking what she does, Kirk. If I hadn’t moved here, met you all, met them, if Ray hadn’t had the transplant, he might have had more time with her.” I trailed off at his glare. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him glare. “Nevermind.” He looked out to the horizon, moving his hands back and forth in the water. “You know when Cliff died, he was sleeping in the bunk I was supposed to be in, right? We’d all sorta shuffled around, but he wound up where I was supposed to be. If he hadn’t been sleeping there…” I stared at him, my mouth gaping open. “You can’t possibly still think that, Kirk. I mean, I know when it happened, you guys all wondered about that, but you have to know it’s nobody’s fault.” He shrugged. “It is what it is, Charlie. He’s gone, and I’m here.” “And everybody’s where they’re supposed to be, Hammett. Christ. Don’t make less of the time he had here by saying he needed more. Maybe he accomplished everything he was supposed to, in…in twenty-four years. He was just…really efficient,” I said slowly, and Kirk laughed. “I’m just trying to make a point, Charlie. Cliff’s death is no more my fault than Ray’s death is yours.” “Oh…” I eased my legs back into the water. “ I see.” “Do you?” he raised his eyebrows. “Yeah. And it’s like I told James. I wouldn’t change the way things are, not even to get him back. I mean, look at that guy,” I pointed at Rob, who was ripping up the waves. “How awesome is it that he’s in the band? It’s like a perfect balance.” I smiled at him. “Everybody’s where they’re supposed to be.” “Including you,” he said simply. “Ooooh…is that a black fin I see circling behind you?” He laughed as I yelped, and pulled my feet out of the water. “Race you back!” I paddled hard behind him, and managed to get upright for a wave that brought me over to Rob. We waded out and sat on the beach for a while, watching some kids surf, and then Kirk announced he had to jet, so we piled back into the car. My cell phone rang as I was getting out of the car, and I waved goodbye as I answered it. “Charlie Tyler, surfer goddess,” I laughed into the phone, pushing open my front door. “Hey…it’s James.” “Big Daddy Het! What’s up?” “Just makin’ sure we’re still on for tonight. Seven. You gonna be ready?” “For…” I asked, still wondering what he had up his sleeve. “Me, darlin’.” He hung up and I stared at the phone. “Be ready for you? What the hell does that mean? Dinner? Dancing? Bowling? Deep sea fishing? Give a girl a clue, Het, lordie. Not fair to just expect me to…” I looked up as Eddie laughed. “Sorry. I have no inner monologue.” I went up to my room and got as far as removing my wet suit and shorts before deciding that a nap was in order. Wrapping a towel around me, I curled up on the bed, and set my alarm for six. I woke up to James repeatedly tapping me on the forehead. “This is what you call being ready for me?” he grinned as I opened my eyes. “Not that I’m complaining,” he said, taking in the towel and bare skin, “But you might not wanna go out like this.” “Sorry,” I sat up, feeling groggy and bleary-eyed. “I’ll be ready in two seconds.” He bent and kissed my forehead where he’d been tapping it. “Take your time,” he said softly, stepping back to look at me. “I’ll wait for you.” I watched him go downstairs. “Wait for me, like wait downstairs for me? Or wait for me, like wait for me to figure out what I want? Or wait for me to stop talking to myself. Jesus.” I rubbed my eyes and went into the bathroom. “Ooooh…brave man if he’s gonna wait for me after seeing my hair like this. Holy crap.” I emerged from the bathroom half an hour later, waxed and polished, and called down to James, still not dressed. He took one look at me and grinned. “Okay, darlin’, if you really, really wanna wear the towel tonight…” “Ass,” I giggled. “I don’t need to dress up, do I?” He shook his head. “Wear your jeans, and bring a sweater. Might be cold.” I dressed quickly and braided my hair instead of drying it. I grabbed a hoodie, and went down to the lounge, where James and Eddie were watching tv. “I’m ready,” I announced. We said goodbye to Eddie, and I was thrilled to see James had brought the Beast. “Did you eat dinner?” he asked as we drove down my street. “Um…I made blueberry muffins earlier. Eddie ate three.” James thought for a second, and looked at me, confused. “What did I ask?” I giggled. “Sorry. I meant, I sorta ate lunch – homemade muffins – but no, I haven’t had dinner. Why, you gonna feed me?” I grinned at him. “Big Daddy Het? Hee…I can’t stop saying that.” He laughed and I started to sing along with the radio. Jimmy Buffet was playing, and I rolled down the window and howled out the lyrics to Margaritaville. Wasted away again in Margaritaville, Searchin' for my lost shaker of salt. Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, But I know it's nobody's fault. I stopped abruptly, and turned to James, who was laughing his head off. “Shit. Insensitive much? Christ, James, I’m sorry.” “For singing along? You weren’t that bad,” he chuckled. “No…the song. I wasn’t thinking. I should have changed it or something.” I turned the volume down and rolled up the window. “Charlie, (a), that’s a damn fine song you’re talkin’ about, and (b), nobody touches the car stereo in the Beast except for me. So turn it up, and don’t worry about what songs are playing. Doesn’t bother me at all.” I sighed a little, and cranked the radio again. George Thorogood and The Destroyers wailed through the system with their hit, “If You Don’t Start Drinkin’ (I’m Gonna Leave)”. I bit my lip and shot James a sideways glance before we both started laughing. He pulled into the parking lot of a little diner, and I looked around as I hopped down from the truck. Following him inside, I was surprised when he headed for the stools along the counter, instead of sitting in a booth. I sat beside him and picked up a menu, only to have it yanked out of my hands. “No need for that,” James told me, “we’re getting burgers. You’ll love ‘em. I promise.” The swinging door to the kitchen banged open, and a huge man with a shaved head strode over to us. “Well, well, well…look who dropped by for a visit,” the big man reached over and hugged James fiercely, before his eyes settled on me. “And who’s this little doll?” I held out my hand. “I’m Charlie.” He smiled and kissed my hand gently. “And I’m Earl. You don’t look like a Charlie, darlin’. What’s that short for? And then you can tell me how you got this old bastard to bring you here,” he winked at James. “Charlotte Elizabeth Victoria Tyler,” I batted my eyelashes at him. “And, um, we drove…?” He hooted with laughter. “Sandy!” he hollered back to the kitchen. “C’mon out here a second. James actually brought a dinner guest.” A robust looking woman emerged from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a dish towel. “Evenin’ Het,” she smiled at him. “You gonna introduce me to your friend?” He blushed, and I stuck out my hand. “Charlie Tyler.” “Pleased to meet you, sweetheart. I’m so thrilled that James brought you here.” She bent her head close to mine and whispered loudly. “We were beginnin’ to wonder if maybe he didn’t have any friends. Maybe he made up the whole ‘I’m in a rock band’ thing, you know?” James was shaking with silent laughter by this point, and she shot him a sympathetic look before glancing at me, mouthing ‘crazy’. “Wait, wait, hold up.” I turned to James. “You told her you were a rock star? You told me you’re a race car driver. You mean you’re not Dale Jr.? That’s it, buddy, I’m outta here,” I started to move off my stool and he grabbed me, laughing, and pulled me against him. Earl reappeared, and James moved my head aside to speak. “Two burgers, please Earl. One for me and one for the freakshow, here.” “They’re adorable!” I told James, when Earl and Sandy had gone back to the kitchen. James rolled his eyes. “Stop that, they are. Awww, and Earl kissed my hand. I may never wash it again,” I giggled, and James put his head in his hands. “What’s wrong? Jealous?” I grinned at him. “No,” he snarled, though I could tell he was trying not to laugh. “He can kiss your hand all he likes. That’s the most action you’re gonna see tonight.” “Ohhhh ho ho,” I laughed. “We’re down to threats, are we? That’s juuuuust fine, Big Daddy. Hey Earl, honey? Can I get extra onions on my burger, please? Like, just cut up a whole onion and throw it on top. That’d be great. What?” I shot James an innocent look. “If I’m not gettin’ lucky, I’m sure as hell gettin’ onions.” I wandered over to the jukebox in the corner, and selected a Benny Goodman song. Earl came out from behind the counter when it started up, and grabbed my hand, whirling me around. I was shocked when he started doing actual swing dancing, and yelped as he picked me up for one of the moves. We danced for the rest of the song, and when it ended, he deposited me back on the stool besides James. “And I thought after your Harley’s incident with the drums, you didn’t have any rhythm. Where’d you learn to dance like that?” he asked as Sandy brought our burgers out. “My mom,” I told him. “She used to dance around with me in the kitchen all the time. My dad wasn’t so much with the coordination, but my mom would put on my nan’s old records, and we’d dance away a whole afternoon. Good God…this is the best burger ever.” We wolfed down our food, and stayed long for James to have a coffee. I declined when Earl offered me one, but took a sip from James’ now and then while I chatted to Sandy. James excused himself to hit the men’s room, and Sandy leaned over the counter. “Well I don’t know where you came from, doll, but I hope we see you again. I haven’t seen Het so happy in years.” I was confused. “He’s been coming here for years?” She nodded, picking up our dishes. “And he’s never brought anybody with him? Isn’t that kinda weird?” “Not really. We always just figured he liked his solitude a whole bunch. Seems he likes you a whole bunch, too,” she smiled. “Don’t you break his heart, darlin’.” “Oh no…we’re not…I don’t…I mean, he’s married.” I blushed and took another sip of coffee, trying to hide my face. “Now isn’t that funny,” she said, glancing over her shoulder at me as she headed into the kitchen. “I didn’t see a wedding ring.” James came back and we paid the tab, leaving a huge tip. Sandy protested but I jerked my thumb at James. “Race car driver. He can afford it.” She laughed and I waved goodbye. Climbing into the passenger’s seat, I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Thanks for dinner. Those two are such sweethearts. Do you go there a lot?” I tried to sound casual. He kept his eyes on the road, but one hand slid across the seat searching for mine. “’bout once a month, maybe more. It’s quiet, nobody bugs me, and like you said, they have the best burgers ever. Course, they don’t normally serve them with half a damn onion on top…” he laughed. “Ohh…didn’t Earl tell you? They were out of onions.” I undid my seatbelt and shimmied over so I was beside him, kissing the corner of his mouth. “See? Aww, Christ, James. You’re doing it again.” He looked worried. “What? Doing what?” “Smelling yummy. Mmmm…” I nuzzled his neck and started to massage his thigh. “Where are we going, anyway?” “I…have no idea. Fuck, baby, I can’t drive if you’re gonna do that.” He squirmed under my touch, lifting his hips slightly. Swerving off to the shoulder of the road, he stopped the truck, taking off his seatbelt. I moved away from him, wondering if he was pissed. “Get back here,” he growled, and pounced on me. Pinning me to the seat, he ravaged my mouth with his own before he nibbled a path up my jaw to my earlobe. Sucking on it, he tongued the lobe gently, and moaned as he undid my jeans and thrust his fingers deep inside me. “Ohh…James…” I gasped breathlessly, coming immediately, clenching around his fingers. He looked up, swallowing hard. “I barely touched you.” Laughing, I took his face in my hands and kissed him. “I know. You’re pretty talented.” Moving my hands down to his waist, I raised an eyebrow at him. “Can I reciprocate? Or do I have to wait a bit longer?” He smiled, and sat up, pulling me up with him. “Just a little longer. We’re almost there, okay?” I nodded, and leaned against him as he started the truck again. Twenty minutes later, he killed the engine, and I looked around. We were, it seemed, in the middle of nowhere. He reached into the glove compartment, and drew out a bandana. Turning me around, he tied it over my eyes, and came around to my side of the truck to help me out. I held his hand as we walked, trying not to stumble. After several minutes of me bumping into his shoulder, we stopped. “Okay…we’re here. No, no, leave that on for now,” he said, when I started to take off the bandana. Taking me by the shoulders, he guided me forward. “Step up, baby,” he instructed, and I lifted my foot higher as I walked. My boot heel came down on wood, and I suddenly realized where we were. “James? Are we at the ranch?” He kissed me softly, and murmured a quiet ‘yeah’ against my mouth. “Stay put for a second.” I heard him walk away, and then the unmistakable strains of Hallelujah started up. He circled around me, and I could hear him stopping every few feet. Finally he came up behind me, singing softly. “…well it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift, the baffled king composes hallelujah.” And the blindfold came off. “You’ve been busy,” I whispered as I looked around. The floor had been swept, the windows washed, and the whole place was lit with candles and little fairy lights. A huge sleigh bed was positioned in one corner of the barn, and an old rocking chair and table in another. A very small and expensive stereo was responsible for the music we were hearing, and as my eyes swept over the whole scene, I saw the outline of a truck out the window. “Oh my God,” I laughed. “You parked right there? What’d you do, just walk me in circles for ten minutes?” He kissed my neck, and led me outside and around the building. “I talked to Benny when I dropped your truck off. He told me the first set of wheels you ever owned was an old blue Dodge that you restored yourself. But you sold it to pay for your flight to London, cause you didn’t want your parents paying your way.” He leaned on the hood, and I wondered if he’d actually tracked down a truck I’d sold to a total stranger, in New England, seven years ago. “I found this one at a car show and Benny helped me customize it, said it’s like the one you described. She looks old, like the one you had, but she’s brand new under the hood. I figured since I, um, helped you wreck yours, that you might need something to get around in for the next little while.” I stood on tiptoes to kiss him and sighed with sheer happiness as his arms slid around my waist. “And the rest? In the barn?” He touched his forehead to mine. “First, I have a question. I heard what Sandy said in the diner, about my ring. How come you didn’t ask me about it? Were you worried I’d get mad?” I stepped back and shook my head. “No, not at all. It’s just…” I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked down. “It’s none of my business, James. I figured if you wanted to talk about it, you would. I was just happy that you wanted to hang out.” Biting my lip, I looked up at him again. “I screamed at you, threw you out of my house, hung up on you from three thousand miles away…and the first thing you did when you saw me again was tell me you were glad to see me. Which, obviously, means that you’re insane,” I smiled and he laughed. “Yup. Beautiful girl, wicked personality, killer sense of humor…I must be crazy,” he said softly, leaning in to kiss me. I felt raindrops on my head and opened my eyes to see James watching me as we kissed. “You still haven’t asked me,” he said, holding up his hand. “And I’m not gonna,” I told him, tugging him back into the barn. He resisted, and I turned around to see him, arms crossed over his chest. “God. Fine, Het. You wanna know why I won’t ask? I don’t have the right. Okay? I don’t have the right to ask anything of you. You’re married, with three gorgeous kids, and a whole life that has nothing to do with me. I’m just a girl whose dad you used to know. For all I know, you’ve taken off the ring so you’ll feel less guilty about being here with me.” The rain was getting heavier, and I took his hand, going back around the building to the door. I led him over to the bed, and toeing off my boots, I pushed him gently onto the high mattress, putting us at eye level to each other. Lifting his arms, I pulled off his shirt, and then my own. Turning me around, he pulled the elastic from my hair and untied my braid, letting my hair fall in waves around my shoulders. Unclasping my bra, he dropped it to the floor on top of our shirts, and he leaned me back against him as he undid the button on my jeans. Sliding them down my legs, he waited as I stepped out of them, and then ran his hand over the front of the pink satin thong with ribbon ties I’d worn underneath. Leaning my head back on his shoulder, I kissed his neck. “Now, James? Now can I touch you?” “Anything you want, baby,” he murmured in my ear, making me shiver. I turned and pushed him back on the bed, undoing his jeans and yanking them off him quickly, so he was clad only in his shorts. Pulling those down slowly, I twirled them around on my finger before tossing them over my head. He smirked, and I looked over my shoulder to see I’d tossed them right outside. “Guess you’ll be going commando tomorrow,” I grinned. Getting onto the bed, I stretched out beside him, taking his hand and putting it between my legs again, knowing he could feel how wet I was through the satin. I bent my head to his chest and sucked one of his nipples into my mouth. “I missed this,” I whispered. “Missed tasting you.” I ran my hands over his skin, lightly raking my nails over his ribcage. “Missed touching you.” Untying the ribbons on each side of my thong, I tossed it to the ground. “Charlie?” he said softly, rubbing his hand over the small of my back. “You do have the right to ask. Whatever you want, darlin’, just ask.” His blue eyes stared into mine, full of warmth and trust. “Anything you want.” I kissed his chest again, and looked up at him. I only wanted one thing. “Love me?” Slowly, he guided himself into me, keeping his eyes locked on mine. I slid my feet up the bed, and wrapped my legs around him, trying to take all of him in at once. He smiled, and skimmed his lips over mine, barely touching them, and continued his slow slide into me. “Want more, baby?” he whispered, and I arched against him in response. Sliding in and out of me faster, he pushed my arms back, holding my hands beside my head, and laced his fingers through mine. Putting my feet back down, I lifted my hips. He shot me a patented Hetfield grin and sat up on his knees, holding my hips up with both hands as he thrust into me. My head fell back on the pillow and I closed my eyes as he shifted one hand to stroke me. Seconds later I cried out his name as my orgasm ripped through me. Every muscle in my body seemed to collapse, and I felt him sink into me a final time, shuddering as he came. I didn’t want to do anything but lie under James’ limp body, and feel his heart thudding ageist mine. He turned his head slightly and smiled. “Am I too heavy?” “You move one inch and I’ll kill you and bury you under the floorboards,” I assured him. “How ‘bout if I move, but you move too.” Shifting off me, he pulled the sheets down and tucked me under them before curling up around me, with his left arm around my waist. “Better?” “Not bad,” I said, squirming back against him. “James?” I didn’t want to ask, but I really wanted to know. Taking his arm, I linked my hand with his, and ran a finger over the white mark where his ring had been. “You don’t have to tell me. You can just say, ‘Charlie, I don’t want to talk about it,’ and I’ll understand. But if you want to tell me…” He kissed the nape of my neck, and wrapped his arm tight around me. “Charlie…” he said slowly. “I filed for divorce today.” |
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| maisy blue | March 29, 2008, 4:56 pm Post #103 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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WOW- *WHAT* a cliffhanger! I will write more when I compose myself. Those chapters were amazing! |
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| Lucifer's Angel | March 29, 2008, 5:16 pm Post #104 |
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Heavy Metal Seanchai
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Wow, that was hot What a cliffhanger, what's going to happen next?
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| Metalicious | April 1, 2008, 4:11 pm Post #105 |
Blackened
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Apologies for falilng behind on my own reading & replying. I hope to catch up soon! *********************************************8 I rolled over to face him. “You did what?” “Filed for divorce,” he repeated quietly. I stared at him. “I thought neither one of you wanted that…” He nudged one of his legs in between mine and kissed my forehead. “Turns out we do.” I started to ask why, but was cut off. “I don’t really wanna talk about that part of it, Charlie. I just wanted you to know what was going on.” His eyes closed, and it appeared that part of the conversation was over. “Alrighty…” I said, a little confused. “Long as you’re happy.” “I am,” he murmured, his voice soft and drowsy. I looked around the barn, and realized that all the candles were still burning. Slipping out of bed, I tiptoed around, blowing them out one by one. When I got back under the covers, James was sleeping. I kissed his chest and turned over so my back was against him. He shifted slightly, bending his knees up behind mine and slipping an arm around my waist. “Love you,” he mumbled against my hair. I think my heart stopped for a moment. Then, realizing I’d been saying it all week to people I barely knew, I whispered back, “Love you, too, Papa Het.” Closing my eyes, I laid my hand over his, and listened to the rain fall on the roof until I fell asleep. I woke up to find James standing over me, looking pale and anxious. I sat up quickly. “No,” I said firmly. “Whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it.” “Charlie…” he started. “NO! James, I mean it. I don’t care. Been another earthquake? Don’t care. They finally caught the bastards who were after me? Don’t care. Seriously, I mean, come on. Can’t I have today off?” “There was a message on my phone from Trish,” he said slowly, and my heart jumped into my throat. “Pep’s in the hospital. He had a heart attack last night, in the bathroom of some club they were at.” He pulled back the covers and took my hand. “Get dressed, okay? I’ll drive you back, we can call Trish from your house. I pulled on my clothes slowly, unable to speak. James brought the truck around while I waited, and I climbed into the passenger’s side, wondering how the hell somebody in their thirties went about having a heart attack. We got back to my house, and I opened the front door to see Marco seated in the lounge. “You had about five million phone calls last night,” he informed me as I made my way into the kitchen. Pressing play on the answering machine, I listened to hang up after hang up, until finally there was one with Trish actually speaking. “Charlie…it’s Trish. Call me. Now!” I felt James’ hand on my shoulder and shrugged it off. Dialing her cell phone, I swore as it kicked into voicemail on the first ring. I left her a brief message telling her to call me at home, and hung up. Glancing at my watch, I saw that James and I had slept later than I realized. Ray’s funeral was due to begin in one hour. Rubbing my hands over my face, I leaned against the counter and tried to think. One thing at a time, Charlie, I told myself. Shower, get dressed, go to funeral, get on plane to…where the hell were they right now? See Pep, apologies to Trish, stay until everything settles down, fly back here, wait for James’ divorce to come through, live happily ever after. Right. That’ll work. The phone rang, and James snatched it up. “Yeah? Hey, sweetie. Yeah, she’s right here. You doing okay? Alright, hang on.” He passed me the phone and I got an earful of screaming. I took it outside, sliding the door shut behind me. “Trish…honey, I can’t understand you. Slow down.” She was silent for a second, and when she finally spoke, I could hear her crying. “I’m at…fuck, I don’t even know what hospital this is. We were at a club, and we sort of had a fight. He told me about the other night, when he visited you, and I got pissed. I was so drunk, I didn’t really understand what he was saying. All I heard was ‘Charlie’, and ‘fooled around’, and I started screaming at him. And the next thing I knew, Woody was dragging him out of the bathroom, and then the ambulance arrived, and now nobody will tell me what’s going on, or how he’s doing, and I’m so fucking scared, Charlie,” she whispered. “He was so pale, I thought he was dead when they were loading him into the ambulance. I don’t know what to do.” “It’s okay, sweetie,” I tried to convince both of us. “You don’t have to do anything. He’ll be fine, I know he will. Is Woody with you?” “Yeah,” she sniffed. “Okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can, alright? You just sit tight, everything will be fine. I’m sure he has excellent doctors helping him. Can you put Woody on for a second? I just need to find out some details so I can get to where you are.” I waited til Woody took the phone, and found out they were back in Vancouver again. I took the name of the hospital, and promised I’d be on the first flight after Ray’s funeral. When I went back in the house, Marco told me James had gone upstairs. I found him sitting on my bed, head in his hands. “I gotta go back to my house and change,” he said, looking up as I walked in. “You want me to come back here and get you so we can go together?” I shook my head. “I’ll just see you there.” He stood, and kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry about Pep. He’ll be fine. You know that, right?” I nodded, and stood limply, arms at my sides, as he hugged me. “See you in a while.” I closed the bedroom door behind him, and undressed. Getting into the shower, I turned the water on as hot as I could stand it. I looked at the henna tattoo on my arm, and noticed it was starting to fade. “You better be right, Sul. I need all the damn strength I can get right now.” When my skin started to turn pink, I shut off the water and grabbed a towel. Standing in front of my closet, I selected a simple black shift dress. Trish called it my Audrey Hepburn Knockoff dress, and always suggested I find a tiara and some long gloves to go with it. Pulling my hair back in a low ponytail, I added Pep’s bracelet, and the silver cross necklace my mother had given me one Christmas. I swiped on some makeup in an attempt to hide the shadows under my eyes, and grabbed my handbag. “James called you a cab before he left. Said it’d be here…” Marco glanced at his watch. “In about five minutes.” I nodded, and went out to the front porch to wait. Smoothing a hand over my dress, I concentrated on breathing slowly, and not crying. One thing at a time, I reminded myself. Funeral, and then Pep. Funeral, and then earthquake, funeral, and then heart attack…what’s next, I wondered. The cab pulled up, and I gave the driver the address of the church. There were cars spilling out of the parking lot, lining both sides of the street, so the cabbie had to stop in the middle of the road to let me out. I went inside, and saw Jan in the front pew. Her sister was on one side of her, and the guys were on the other side. All four of them. Lars must have come back earlier than planned. I saw James looking around, and kept my head down. I didn’t feel like being near anybody I knew. Ducking into a pew full of strangers, I sat with my hands folded on my lap, waiting for the service to begin. The whole thing lasted about two hours. So many people wanted to speak, to say how Ray had touched their lives, sometimes changed their lives. I knew maybe two of the hymns sung, but couldn’t bring myself to sing them. I watched as Jan got up to read Auden’s ‘Funeral Blues’, amazed at how calm she was. Her voice was strong and clear, and only wavered slightly when she reached the last verse. “The stars are not wanted now, put out every one; Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood. For nothing now can ever come to any good.” She folded the piece of paper, and stood silently for a minute, and I wondered if she might fall apart right there. But she drew herself up, and walked back to her seat, where I saw Kirk put an arm around her as she sat down. Lars happened to look back at that moment, and caught my eye. I couldn’t read the expression on his face, and I looked away. The minister gave a brief background on who Cliff was, and drew our attention to the four cellists sitting in the corner. Six men who’d been sitting in the row behind Jan got up when the music started, and the coffin was carried out slowly. I closed my eyes and listened, smiling a little when I realized they were playing Orion, from the four minute mark in the song. Getting up from my seat, I stood behind one of the pillars and watched as everyone slowly filed out. Jan’s row was last to leave, and Lars turned his head briefly and gave me a sad smile. He paused at the door and I shook my head. Turning away again, he followed the rest of the boys out of the church. Moving out from behind the pillar, I stepped over to the archway at the back, and looked forward to the enormous stained glass window that dominated the building. Rising high above the altar, the scene depicted was that of Jesus on the cross, angels flanking him, prophets kneeling around him. I stared at the window, the afternoon sun streaming through it, and felt something inside of me snap. “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee, Psalm 55:23. What a fucking lie,” I said quietly. “How many times, have I come to you with my burdens, and left feeling alone, still with the weight of the world on my shoulders?” I walked forward. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble, Psalm 46:1. I find no refuge, and no strength in you today. Where are you when I need you? When I’m in trouble? When I need strength the MOST?” I took another step, placing my hand on one of the pews. “Deuteronomy 31:6. Be brave and steadfast; have no fear or dread of them, for it is the Lord who marches before you; he will never fail you or forsake you.” I dropped my hand and walked forward again. “How much longer do I have to be brave? You keep failing me! You keep taking everyone I love from me! There is no one walking before me, least of all you. I’m all alone!” I held out my arms. “And I’m so tired of it.” I looked up at the window again. “Though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23. And that’s the biggest lie of all. I am ALWAYS afraid now! I know you AREN’T with me!” I cried. “You weren’t with me when you stole my parents from me, you weren’t with me on a lonely road when five men nearly let me join them, and you certainly aren’t with me now!” I had reached the altar and knelt before it. “What more do you want?” I whispered. “I believed in you, I trusted you, I always had faith that you had a plan, even when I couldn’t conceive of what it could possibly be, what your reasons were, why you would allow these things to happen.” I dropped my head. “No more. You don’t deserve my love, or my trust, or my faith.” Unclasping the cross around my neck, I laid it on the altar. “You and I are through,” I said softly. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I stood. James moved his hand down to the small of my back and slowly guided me back down the aisle. I paused as we reached the archway, and turned to face the window again. “Ephesians, 4:16. Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” I clenched my fists and stared at the figure of Christ. “Just watch me.” I got in the car, and put a hand on James’ arm when he turned left out of the lot. “Where are you going?” He looked at me like I was crazy. “Jan’s house. She’s expecting us. You know this…” he said slowly. “James, I have to pack a bag and get my ass to Vancouver by this evening. I promised Trish.” I watched as he pulled over, and turned off the truck. “Trish will be fine. Woody’s with her, and Pep’s probably drugged up and feeling fine right now. Jan, on the other hand, just buried her husband of forty-some years, and is expecting to see her granddaughter at the fucking wake. Charlie…you need to get your priorities straight, darlin’.” I slumped down in the seat, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes. “I need to go see Pepper,” I whispered, turning to look at James again. He raised an eyebrow and shook his head. “James, you don’t understand. I have to be there! He’s my best friend!” “And Jan is your grandmother,” He said quietly. “And I’ve only known her two weeks, James. She’ll understand.” “One hour, and then you can bail. But she deserves at least an hour of your time, Charlie.” He started the truck again and continued driving in the direction of Jan’s house. I stared out the window, fuming silently until we arrived. Getting out of the truck, I slammed the door shut and went around to the back of the house. Jan and Lars were sitting outside, each smoking a cigar. “Charlie, sweetheart, I didn’t think you’d come. James told me about Pepper. I’m so sorry. That’s awfully young for heart trouble, you must be worried sick.” She stood up and hugged me when I reached the deck. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. “I know we had a scotch and cigar date planned for today, but I think we can postpone that, hmm?” Brushing aside a stand of my ponytail that had come loose, she smiled and kissed my cheek. “Go see your friend, honey. We’ll have a proper visit when you get back.” I could have twirled her around the deck in my arms, I was so grateful. Hugging her quickly, I promised to come see her as soon as I returned, and pulled out my cell phone to call a cab. The phone was lifted out of my hands by James. “I’ll take you,” he said quietly, not looking at me. I followed him back to the truck. “James…?” “Yeah.” He kept his eyes on the road. “Did you mean what you said last night? When you were going to sleep?” Glancing over at me, he shot me a confused look. “About getting divorced? Why would I joke about that? Course I meant it.” I stared down at my hands, not sure how to correct him. “No…not that. The other thing you said. I got up to blow out the candles, and when I got back in bed, you told me something else.” Or I’d been hallucinating? Hearing what I wanted to hear? A thought suddenly occurred to me and I mentally smacked myself. Or he’d thought he was talking to Fran. Maybe he always said that as he was going to sleep? Fuck. “Sorry, darlin’. No idea what you’re talking about,” he said. “Wanna fill me in? I must be taking lessons from you, talking in my sleep like that,” he smiled. I sighed. “No, nevermind,” I said as we reached my house. He grabbed my arm as I went to open the truck door. “Charlie, c’mon. Tell me what I said.” Pulling my arm away, I got out and shut the door, taking care not to slam it. He got out as well, and I turned and stopped him. “It’s fine, Het. I need to go pack. I’ll call you when I get there, okay? Thanks for the drive.” He pulled me against him in one swift movement, and I found myself trapped in his arms. “Tell me. If you don’t tell me, how can I know if I meant it or not?” He looked down at me, still confused. I shook my head and squirmed out of his embrace. “Doesn’t matter. If you meant it, you’d remember it. And it’s better that you don’t mean it,” I said, thinking of Pep, Ray, my folks. “Everybody who loves me winds up in pain, or just altogether gone.” I walked towards the house, giving him a little wave over my shoulder. “I’ll call you when I get there.” “Charlie, wait!” He came after me, spinning me around to face him. “I said I loved you?” He looked shocked. “You were confused, and tired. You probably thought you were talking to Fran,” I said, trying to brush it off. Turning to go into the house again, I found myself being picked up and deposited on the porch swing. “I haven’t said that to Fran in months,” he said quietly. “So if I said it last night, it was for you, not her. And now you’re wondering if I meant it?” I stood up, straightening my dress. “No.” He looked surprised. “I don’t want to know if you meant it. You’ll only end up…I dunno, having a heart attack, dying of a medical complication, getting run over by an eighteen wheeler on your way home from my house or something.” I laughed, mirthlessly. “Trust me, James. This isn’t headed anywhere good. You’re better off alone.” I opened the front door, and felt his arms go around my waist. Resting his chin on top of my head, he sighed. “I know you think everybody’s leaving you. But you’re the one who’s talking about packing bags and catching flights.” He turned me around and kissed my forehead. “Seems I’m always trying to talk you out of leaving.” “Yeah. And look how well that turned out last time,” I said softly, ignoring the hurt in his eyes. “I really think I might, you know. Love you.” I nodded. “Then it’s best to end it now, before you know for sure. Before you wind up like everyone else who’s ever cared for me.” I kissed his cheek, and went inside, closing the door behind me. I packed quickly, keeping my mind occupied with what to take, so I wouldn’t think of James. When I’d thrown almost everything in the closet into a suitcase, I hauled it downstairs and called a cab. Marco promised that he and Eddie would feed and walk the dogs, and I promised to give them both nice fat bonuses for doing just that. I was standing in line at United when my cell phone rang. Hoping it wasn’t James, I checked the number and saw it was Trish. “I’m at the airport, I’ll be there in a few hours. How’s he doing?” “He’s fine,” she said, and I could tell she was smiling. “They diagnosed him wrong, Charlie.” Her tone changed to one I recognized from experience as ‘severely pissed off’. “He took a fucking overdose of Meth and so he was showing all the damn signs of a heart attack. I’m tempted to kill him, myself, the bastard. But yeah, he’s gonna be okay.” When I hung up with her twenty minutes later, I was at the front of the line. I bought a first class ticket. I was planning on sleeping the whole way, but if I couldn’t manage that, at least I could be unhappy in comfort. Once we’d taken off, I took off my heels and tucked my legs under me on the roomy seat. Digging my iPod out of my handbag, I slid on the headphones and hit random play. And then cursed the gods of fate for obviously screwing with my mp3 player, as Johnny Cash’s version of Hurt started up. Looking out the window as we climbed higher, I watched the city fall away and silently said goodbye to James as Johnny reached the chorus. “What have I become/My sweetest friend Everyone I know/Goes away in the end And you could have it all/My empire of dirt I will let you down/I will make you hurt" When the plane touched down a few hours later, I grabbed my luggage and hailed the first cab I saw. Giving the driver directions, I was surprised when he pulled up outside a big brownstone. Ringing the buzzer, I pushed the front door as it clicked, and walked up the two flights of stairs. I knocked on the door, and it swung open. “Thanks for this,” I said as he ushered me inside. “I didn’t really know where else to go.” Taking my bag from me, he led me into a large bedroom. “You can stay here.” He cupped my cheek and smiled. “For as long as you need to.” I felt tears starting and blinked in an effort to hold them back. Finding that impossible, I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed. He eased me onto the bed, and held me until the crying subsided. “Been holding that in long?” he asked, wiping at the wet streaks on my face. I shook my head. “Only all day.” He kissed my forehead and pulled me up as he stood. “I’ve gotta make a couple calls, but I’m gonna get us some drinks, and then you can fill me in. Okay? Bathroom’s through there, towels and stuff are in there too.” He hugged me tightly. “Everything’ll be fine. I’ll be back in a minute.” I stood in the middle of the room for a minute, trying to decide what to do next. Changing out of the dress might be a start, I told myself. I started to open my bag when I saw a pair of curious eyes studying me. “Hi,” I said softly. “Whatcha doin’?” “Hiding,” she replied in a whisper. “I’m s’posed to be in bed.” I checked my watch, added three hours and saw that she was probably right. “It’s pretty late,” I agreed. She nodded solemnly, looking adorable in a little pair of pale blue pajamas with ladybugs on them. “Want me to keep you company til your dad gets off the phone?” She nodded again, and I followed her into another bedroom. This one was painted light green, and had glow in the dark stars all over the ceiling. Getting under the covers, she tilted her head to one side. “Daddy always sings me a song when I go to sleep. Do you know any songs?” Oh lord. A million song titles flew through my head, none of which were appropriate for a child. “Um…” stalling, I tried to think. “I know a few.” Thinking back to the cds I’d received for Christmas, I recalled the For the Kids album that one of my girlfriends had given me. Her kids loved it, and as it turned out, I did too. “Do you know, ‘The Rainbow Connection’?” She nodded vigorously. “Kermit the Frog sings that!” she giggled. “But if that’s the only one you know, you can sing it, too.” I smiled, and she made room on the bed for me. Sitting beside her, I summoned up the lyrics, and tried to sing quietly. “Why are there so many songs about rainbows And what's on the other side? Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, And rainbows have nothing to hide. So we've been told and some choose to believe it I know they're wrong, wait and see. Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, The lovers, the dreamers and me. Who said that every wish would be heard and answered when wished on the morning star? Somebody thought of that and someone believed it, and look what it's done so far. What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing? And what do we think we might see? Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me. All of us under its spell, we know that it's probably magic.... Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices? I've heard them calling my name. Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors? The voice might be one and the same. I've heard it too many times to ignore it. It's something that I'm supposed to be. Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me. La, la la, La, la la la, La Laa, la la, La, La la laaaaaaa” I glanced over as I finished, and saw she’d somehow fallen asleep on top of my arm. Slowly easing out from under her, I pulled the covers up, and managed not to scream when I saw Sully standing in the doorway. “She wanted a song,” I explained, gesturing to his daughter. He smiled. “She always wants a song. That was a pretty nice little rendition you just did.” He held out a hand for me. “Drinks are ready, girl. Come tell me all about it.” |
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And about James



I'm just sayin'... :wink)


Its so amazing!! I havnt posted in a while but i am always reading and praying that you update

8:39 PM Jul 10