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I'm The One Who Waits For You...; Metallica, Iron Maiden, James/OFC
Topic Started: November 24, 2009, 5:26 pm (66,458 Views)
Lilith
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Jaimelicious

Oh, Olya... :( I know why you cried with this one... you brought tears to my eyes... this was beautifully depressing!

Loved it! :heart:
Edited by Lilith, March 21, 2011, 8:50 pm.
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Harvester of Sorrow
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Some Kind Of Monster
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....
This....damn. I, don't even know what to write. I mean it's got anger, angst, love and hate I mean shit. Dude, go claim your Nobel.

And her departure...oh god..so sad and intense.

I don't even make sense but fuck. I'm gonna read it again. Dude, you have fucking talent and fsbgjgbfh.
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namenlos
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The Daft To Your Punk
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Aw, but we all cry over imaginary characters Olya, it's not silly. :huggie:

Damn, this was so emotional, so sad. :(
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tuesday's gone
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Poor Twisted Me
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"Broken love, broken body... broken heart, on a broken mirror... " - beautiful!

It is intense, emotional, sad and cathartic at the same time. It has a perfect structure, rising with anger to the climax and abating to the point of disillusionment and determination. Leaving what was, broken as a broken mirror, facing what will be by closing the door behind her.

So much beauty born out of so much sadness.
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Hawkeye
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Blackened
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OMG, just caught up on the last few updates....the last part was so sad. I had tears reading it...very well written.
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Christine
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Frantic
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Poor James :( and Angel :(
I really have no words for this now... I'm just sad :(
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Izzy
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Outlaw Torn
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Just lost for words, that was really emotional. :( Posted Image

very well written though! :tu:
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Lenne13
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Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand!!
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I almost cried reading ..... :(

Does it really over? :eyerub

Thanks for the update Olya! :huggie:
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Olyamet
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Jäger.....

Thank you girls!
Thanks for taking time to read and comments!
Love you all!
:heart: :heart: :heart:


More.












XXXXI. Bleeding me.





(Angel's POV)



Whoever said that time heals all wounds was never hurt like this... this pain in my bleeding heart didn't stop, it didn't get lighter, it was always there, every day, every moment, it became a part of me. Time went on, days turned into weeks, weeks into months... almost half a year passed in a fog. I tried to distract myself by jumping into work, but it wasn't helping... I couldn't write my music, I couldn't play... it felt as though someone had removed the living essence from me.

Nothing was letting me forget James, he was everywhere, in my children's' faces, in the awkward avoidance of the topic by my bandmates, in the silent understanding in my mother and my brother's eyes, in the sad faces of my friends. I had to pull away from everything, and everyone... in a desperate attempt to run. But there was no escape...

I let the housekeeper go on her vacation, because I couldn't bear to read the sorrow in her voice and face. Today I was hopping that something that I hadn't done in a long time, like simple housework, would let me escape, but I was wrong... James was all over the house, his old guitars, his picks, his notes, his clothes, his favorite cup... like a robot I cleaned the house, holding my emotions, but finally broke down and cried over his sock, which I found under the couch in the sun-room, nothing was letting me forget him and his betrayal.

By the time Kat came back from school and the twins returned for their play-day with Bruce's kids, I managed to pull myself together. I never brought myself to talk with the kids, I just didn't know how to explain what happened and why their Dad and I were apart. The day went on, I took the kids out to dinner and talked to my Mom on the phone. The night came and I knew it would be another day, just like this, empty... worthless... living not because I want to live, but because I have to. I kissed the kids goodnight and pulled the house phone, with the messages button flashing, into my bedroom. I pressed 'play' and lowered my head on the pillow.

“Angel... please pick up the phone... I can't live like this... I need you... Angel... please...”

Sharp pain... a lump closing in my throat... the agony... please don't torture me... I can't... I pushed the delete button, silencing James' drunk voice. I can't forgive you...

Next.

“Angel, it's Lars. I know you don't want to talk to me... it was all my focking fault... it was me who started it all... I feel responsible for this whole mess... and I can understand that you don't ever want to speak to me again, but fock... just please talk to James. He needs you... Angel... he's... he's drowning himself in booze, he's a shadow of the man I knew, it's like he's dead inside... it focking hurts to see him like this... please, just talk...”

It's not your fault Lars, the first time was just a bad drunken decision, everything after that was his conscious choice. And he chose her...

Delete. Next.

“It's Lisa. I guess you turned your phone off. How are you holding up? I left so many messages before, not sure if you got them... If there's anything you need... I know you said you don't want to see anyone or talk about it... but I'm your friend and I can't see you like this... maybe if you just talk to him... Listen to me, I went through that, I know how much it hurts... and I also know it will never go away, the pain will never leave... talk to me... please just pick up the phone, I'm here for you...”

I can't... I'm not ready, and I don't know if I'll ever be...

Delete. Next.

“Angel, it's Kirk. Um... I really don't know what to say... I just.. I hate to see you both like this... it's not right, it's killing you both. Everybody makes mistakes... just remember all the good you had. You can't just throw all that away... James said you won't talk to him, that you leave the house when he comes to see the kids... I... I'm just asking you to give him chance to talk... please... just--”

No... I can't... hurts too much to see him...

Delete. Next.

“Baby... I love you... I neve--”

Please don't...

Delete. Next.

“It's Lars again... what the fock is with this whole voice mail thing? Did you turn off your phone completely? Listen... I don't know if you heard yet... Jason left the band... Angel... James needs you right now more than ever... please just talk... just--”

Jason... I never wanted to hurt you... I understand you can't stay after all that happened... but... don't hurt him... James... he needs me... no... I can't! Please Lars, I can't! Call me selfish, but I can't...

Delete. Next.

“Angel, Cindy here. I got your message with the birthday wishes, I just wish you came to my party if only for a few minutes... you can't just close off all you friends... you need someone right now. Let me help you through this. Me and Max are here for you, call me.”

I didn't want to ruin your happy day with my pain... forgive me...

Delete. Next.

“It's Lars again... do you ever pick up your focking phone? I hope you at least listen to the messages... fock... I don't know what else to say... I just wish all this never happened, I wish I never met that whore. Angel, I'm so sorry... I beg you, please talk to James... he's falling apart... he's--”

Delete. Next.

“Angel... I love you... I love you more than anything in this world, I can't live without you, I need you... I'm empty without you... please... please talk to me... tell me what can I do to take your pain away... Angel, baby... please just talk to me... I can't... I--”

Sharp pain twisted my heart and tears soaked into the pillow. Please don't... I can't trust you, and without trust I can't be with you... I can't... please let me go...

No escape... he's in my heart, in my mind, in the empty pillow on my bed... always... I can't live without you... and I can't live with you... and it hurts so much to live...



Posted Image
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Harvester of Sorrow
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Some Kind Of Monster
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:o

Magnificent hurricane of feelings.

Oh the voice mail part was so shdgdgf. Delete, next; delete, next; delete, next. god, and how James returns in flashbacks, from everyday objects to recordings of his voice.

The different points of view of her friends, the clumsy way Lars apologizes and tries to push them back together. fghjhgjfkf

It's a stupid comment, but man, I know not what to say. this. is. epic.
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namenlos
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The Daft To Your Punk
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Damn, that was painful to read. Poor Angel. Poor James! :(
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

Oh, poor Angel! She is being so strong. I don't know if i could resist all those messages. :(

Loved how this was written. :heart: :horns2
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Christine
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Frantic
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God, I cried so bad reading this :(

Great work Olya, but damn it! You're breaking my heart! I just want to see them back together! :(
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Izzy
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Outlaw Torn
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Another emotional part, I had a couple tears in my eyes while reading. :(

Anyway, it's sad to see that they are both heartbroken. And maybe one day, they will get back together, I hope.


Very well written btw!! :heart:
Edited by Izzy, March 31, 2011, 6:42 pm.
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Lenne13
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Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand!!
[ * ]
If she gonna be that way, is better Angel come back with James... :(

Btw, she will only be happy with him ... Now she just have to seeing this .. :wink

Thanks Olya!! :heart:

This chapter was very emotional... And truthful. :)
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