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I'm The One Who Waits For You...; Metallica, Iron Maiden, James/OFC
Topic Started: November 24, 2009, 5:26 pm (66,454 Views)
Olyamet
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Jäger.....

@ Julia and Bo. OMFG! Girls, you killed me... AMAZING comments! Thank you so much! :heart:
@ Alma. Thanks! :horns2
@ Lori. I hope too! I have no idea right now...
@ Lenne. This means a lot to me! Love you! :heart:
@ Izzy. Sorry for the tear. Nuh, it was meant to wake up emotions!
@ Hrisi. YaY!!! you're back!!! Thanks!

Love you all girls!
Every word from you means a lot to me.
:heart: :heart: :heart:


Here is more.











XXXXIV. Sea Of Madness.





(James' POV)



Another picture card, another answer, another day of mind games. He tries to get in, cracking the code of my shield, I'm trying to help him, and my subconsciousness fights back. Another day of feeling mentally exhausted, another day of feeling exposed, and then it will be another night of crying myself to sleep with the image of Angel by our tree, her words giving me hope and strength. 'I'll be here, I'll be right here, waiting for you... I promise you that.' My eyes trailed to the window and John lowered his hand with the card.

“James, I'm here to help you, but only if you let me.”

“I know, I'm trying... I just... I don't know how to help you...”

“You need to let go of everything, everything that you left outside when you walked through these doors... including her.”

I turned my head and met a penetrating brown-eyed gaze. Am I so open that he can read what I'm thinking about? As an answer to my silent question, John nodded.

“You have to believe that you're doing this for yourself, not her, not for anyone else. You need to do it for you, and everything else will fall in place.”

“I am doing it for me.”

“No... you're doing it for her, you're doing it to get her back, it's a strong but wrong reason. Let me tell you what I've learned about you in the last two weeks. You are a strong person, with a troubled childhood, your father's betrayal, you mother's betrayal.”

“She didn't..”

“I know, but in your perspective, somewhere deep down, you think she betrayed you, she died, leaving you alone and too young to be on your own at a very unstable age. You closed up to the world, buried all this pain deep inside, covered it all with this teen bravado. Built a new family, your band. Had some trouble with the members, then there was another loss, another layer of shielding added to your heart. Then it was all deepened and silenced by alcohol, to the point of being out of your mind, you found yourself in fame. Again, too young to bear it, too young to understand all that came with it. Money, fans... girls, you had it all. You had people looking at you as if you were a God, and part of you shied away behind the alcoholic fog, while another part enjoyed the power.

And in the peak of all that, when you got used to and somewhat tired of faceless women who only wanted you because of the fame, you found yourself subconsciously looking for someone to connect to. You found yourself being pulled to the girl who was your mirror image. Famous, strong, rich, followed by an army of fans, a rebel just like you. You felt that connection, you needed it, and when she stood up to you, that was it. She was the one you wanted, she was the one you surrendered to. You could have chosen a girl who would obey you every word, but you chose what in your mind was a prize. I'm sure that you thought that she was out of your league, and that made her even more desirable.

But living with an equal isn't easy, she's not a wife, you can leave home and go have fun on the road, she leaves you to do the same. You're not a king in your house, well you are, but she's not your servant, but a queen, she loves you as an equal. Although she forgives you many things as you said, it leaves you feeling guilty for this need to rise above, to feel power. And when your mind is in a fog of alcohol, your ego takes it, takes everything that's offered. And that brings us back to the same question. James... I know you said I can't talk to your wife, but... “

“No, absolutely out of the fucking question.”

“James, I need to talk to her. In order to help you, I need to know the person you love. She is part of you, she is there in your mind, all the time. It's simply too strong of a connection to ignore or try to go around. I need to talk to her. I need to understand her. I know what brought your seemingly strong marriage down from your point of view, now I need to know it from hers.”

“No. I can't let you. It's my fault and I have to be the one to fix it, you're not dragging her into this madness.”

John looked at me and I felt his eyes burrowing through me, reaching all the way to my core. No one was ever able to see that deep, no one but Angel, I let her in, but everyone else is an unwanted guest, an intruder. I held the gaze, hearing my consciousness screaming loudly in my mind. Get out, get the fuck out of me! My fists tightened around the armrests, body tensed up, breathing speeding up. A cold shiver blazed my spine, and brown eyes retreated, backing up, feeling the resistance. My breathing slowed down and my fists let go of the armrests. John's gaze let me go and he reclined into his chair.

“I need her help. She's the only one you let in. She's the only one with the key. I don't want you to ask her to talk to me, I'll do it myself. All I need from you is a yes.”

“She hates psychiatrists...” She fears them, she despises them! She's dealt with people like you and she hated it.. no, never. I can never let you to do that to her. John looked back at me and smiled.

“You do too, but here you are.”

I'm here because I'm the guilty one, it's my sentence, not hers. I'm here because I tried and I failed, she didn't. And I also know it will be unbearable for her to do this. I looked back at John, shaking my head.

“No, you're not talking to her. No way in fucking Hell.”





(Angel's POV)




Another short visit was over, James insisted that I only come to see him once in two weeks, and we would keep it short. And I knew why. On one side he didn't want for me to see him diminished, and I understood that completely, I would've done the same. On the other side... he knew how I felt in a place like this. A few words about the kids, our friends, keep the conversation away from us, from anything painful. Not one word about the future, nothing about the music or bands.

I tried very hard to smile and cover my almost panicked state with jokes, but the truth was I was feeling so uneasy in this building, it was bringing back long forgotten unpleasant memories of my time in psych award. I wanted to spend more time with James, but I was relieved to walk out and almost ran to my car, like a bat out of Hell. My hands nervously searched my purse for the car keys and I tried to take a deep breath to calm down when I heard a voice behind me.

“Missis Hetfield.”

I turned around and saw a short man standing just a few feet away from me, his hand raised, handing me my keys.

“I think these are yours, I found them by the water fountain.”

“Thank you.” I took the keys from his hand and pulled out my casual smile, but it froze on my face under the deep gaze of his brown eyes.

“I'm John, I working with James.” My body immediately tensed up and my throat went dry.

“Nice to meet you, you can call me Angel.”

“I saw you a few times here in the last two month, but I never had a chance to talk to you, you always leave so fast.” The man's eyes relaxed, letting me out of his grip and I tried to get a hold of my shivers.

“James doesn't want... we decided to keep it short.” He knows how I feel here, and talking to you makes me feel even more uncomfortable. As he read my thoughts, the man looked away and stepped to my car, leaning against the door. I felt my heart jumping in my chest and squeezed my fist around the keys. John pushed a piece of gravel on the pavement and spoke, keeping his eyes on the rock.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.” I got my nerves under control and pull on my usual polite mask.

“Why is it that every time I ask James for permission to talk to you, he say no. Well, he uses other words..” John smiled and his brown eyes returned to mine, sending cold shivers down my spine. My mind screamed out the answer. Because he's protecting me! Wait... He want's to talk to me? What the fuck for? My palms got moist and I swallowed again.

“He didn't tell me you asked to talk to me.”

“I want to help him, I really do, and I'm sure you want to help him too. I can't ask you to talk to me, it would be a violation of James' wish, but... if you want to talk to me, to help your husband, I can't deny you your right. We can't talk about James and what I know about him, client privacy, so I can't disclose any of that information, but we can talk about you.”

“About me?” I desperately tried to hold his gaze, but my eyes couldn't bear the look of those insisting brown ones and I looked down. Nothing to talk about there, I don't need your help, I dealt with everything myself! I'm fine, it's all sorted out and forgotten.

“It would help me to help James.”

“How would talking about me help him?”

“He loves you, he's in love with you. I need to know the woman that holds his heart and soul to understand him better, so I can help him.”

“I can tell you all about me in a few words. I'm stubborn, I hate lies, I hate to be tied up or pushed to do something I don't want to do, and I hate when someone tries to climb over the wall of my privacy.”

“That's why I'm asking you to let me through the door. I'm not here to judge you, or try to change you in any way. All I need is to understand you, so I can do my job and help James.” Brown eyes eased their grip and softened. “Just one talk, you're free to leave at any time, and you're free to not answer all of my questions.”

A hot flash followed freezing fingers of fear, and the back of my shirt clung tightly to the middle of my moist back, knees weakening and chest tightening. One talk, just one talk... I can do it... I can do it to help James... I can... I swallowed again, feeling like I was about to willingly step into a trap, and my insides screamed in protest of the words, that slipped off my tongue.

“Okay, you got one talk.”

“Thank you, I'll see you tomorrow at my office. I don't want you to come here. My address is on the card, how about around... eight in the morning. I know you're probably not a morning person, but from ten I'm here, so...” He pushed away from my car, handing me his card. I took it, desperately trying stop my shaking hand and praying that he wouldn't notice.

“Eight is fine.” No... I don't want to! I can't! James... I'm doing it for James... He needs my help, and would do anything to help him... even this.



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tuesday's gone
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Poor Twisted Me
[ * ]
Oh, the story of symbols continues!

So, here comes John. Such a simple name. Yet so meaningful. The name rang a bell. Then the brown penetrating eyes. And then the water fountain where he found the keys. Yup, it's John the Baptist. I can't help it. it's the dominating association I have.

So, John offers her the keys. To her soul. To her future. To her salvation. To the new beginning.

John decides to struggle with the male James and the female James. He offers them a hand to lead them through the muddy waters of their subconscious. He will take them separately, so that they can join on the other end where new beginning waits and continue their journey alone, as one.

This will be difficult but it is necessary and it will bring peace of mind. For Angel and James. Hopefully for some other wounded souls too...

So, go John!
:heart:
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

Poor James, it's time to dig deep inside and purge the pain. Hopefully Angel will help John to save him.
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Harvester of Sorrow
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I knew you'd do a great job in the transition! See, this way it's really better.

John analyzing James' life, his relationships, his fears, his past. And James feeling tortured, exposed, diminished, thrown outside his comfort zone. Angel, the female James: this I loved. Perhaps it's only me but that really gave me the idea of a relationship of great trust and friendship besides love.

And James doesn't want her into the pit of madness and exposure. He plays the honor card: I fucked up, it's my duty to fix it.

When Angels pays him a short visit, man, it almost looked like fate itself placed her keys by the fountain - who else to come along than John?

God. Write more. :heart:
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Lenne13
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Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand!!
[ * ]
The way you describe John, it makes me believe he is the kind of doctor I would trust. And for Angel lose the panic of psychiatrists, I think is the right guy. :)

My heart almost bleeded wondering in James at the clinic.... :(

Your description made it seem like it was exactly how it happened....

Thanks Olya! Once again you rocked! :horns:
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namenlos
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I like this John guy a lot. I would trust him, and I think James and Angel are right to trust him as well. :)
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Olyamet
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Jäger.....

Thanks girls!
Love you!
:heart: :heart: :heart:

I hope I'm not boring you to death with all this complex psyche shit....lol
But it's where my mind takes me, so... bare with me.

Here is a little more.










(John's POV)




I came home deep in thought about Angel, Missis Hetfield, Hell Angel. Whatever I thought of her before didn't connect with what I learned in our small talk. I painted this picture of a strong woman, James said it once, she was stronger than him. I saw her a few times coming for visits, just from a distance and I thought I got her character right. I saw her coming with the kids, I read undeniable protective moves, not overbearing, but proud of her offspring... the way she looked at them... I labeled it 'a lioness with her cubs.' Sure of herself, but not in your face superiority. Just a beautiful, confident woman, the Queen, worthy of her King.

When James said that she hated psychiatrists, I just thought that she was one of the people with a common misconception of the work we do... wrong. I thought she was the one making him do this, and that was why I thought it was the wrong reason... dead wrong!

Her reaction said it all, she didn't push him, I know it now, the way she reacted to me, she wouldn't.... I caught her off guard, she put up her defenses very fast, too fast, but that was enough time for me to read her fear. She's dealt with psychiatrists before, no doubt there. And she's dealt with a bad one, one who didn't just fail to help, but made it worst. She never went through rehab, I know that... she's not the type of the person who would seek help... what was the reason for her to do it? I replayed out talk in my mind and the words that she used to describe herself...

'I'm stubborn, I hate lies, I hate to be tied up or pushed to do something I don't want to do, and I hate when someone tries to climb over the wall of my privacy.'

Tied up and pushed to do something I don't want to do... Oh, she has a deep seeded fear... Whoever tried to work with her had no right to be called a psychiatrist... he or she misread her, tried to use the old world tactics, roughly breaking in, and left imprint of deep fear. Angel found her own way to cope, probably fooled them into believing that she was healed, just to be free, but in reality, she dealt with it on her own. And she did it, the way she is now... she did it, but... I'm missing something...

I turned my computer on and typed her full name into the search. Multiple choices jumped on the screen. Fan sites, band related publishing, events, gossip sites, news... wait. My eyes stopped on a link: 'Lead guitarist of Iron Maiden missing.' I opened the link and started to read. After a few minutes I learned that she was in the hands of a kidnapper, ran away, was missing in the jungle, and almost died.

Her interview for the British newspaper was short and to the point, not revealing anything personal, just statements. She was kidnapped by her fan, her guitar tech, drugged and taken out of the country. No bodily harm or rape took place. No bodily harm... It doesn't have to be physical to cause emotional trauma... would that push her to seek help? No... this is too recent, she was already a mentally established woman. She didn't give in, she ran. Said a lot about her. I went back to the search, moving through the pages. Her fear is deep enough to be a childhood trauma... could it be? Pushed to do something I don't want to do... As she is now, no one could push her, she was a child, I'm sure of it.

After an hour of going through multiple search results I came up with nothing. I pulled one of her fan sites open and found her parents' names. I started a new search with the name of her father. Nothing. I tried her mother's name with the same results. All I could find was that her parents divorced. Maybe she was closer to her father... he left, she went out of control and was forced to go through psych sessions? Could be... but there is something.. something, that is barely there, something that doesn't work with that theory.

I leaned back into my seat and pulled the image of my client's wife in my mind. I saw her three times... what can I get from that, keeping in mind that all I saw was the public image. Let's start with clothes. She was wearing a shirt and jeans... every time I saw her, no feminine blouses, no dresses, not even shorts and it's hot time of the year... I turned back to my computer and went through the pictures threads. Yep... shirts, tank tops, and jeans or leather pants, no open dresses, no ruffles, no skirts, nothing pink or girly. On the other side, the shirts aren't baggy or oversized... definitely not the usual 'I hate my body' thing. Tight pants, but no low cut shirts, even the tops without the cleavage. And it's not like she has nothing to show off. Nice, almost perfect forms... So why is she's hiding? Just a preference of clothes or...?

There were a few pictures in dresses, not too revealing either... one was made of black leather, but not dominatrix-like, hands locked with James', his eyes set on her most of the time, she looks at him with the same devotion. Her hair done up, loosely, a few flirty locks, just a touch of make-up... She is comfortable being sexy with him... and only him. Every picture of them together is screaming love and equality. They stand on the same line, never one in front of the other, hands together, bodies turned slightly to each other. Even in the pictures where they're walking, it's not one of them pulling the other behind... they're equal alright.

I moved on to the family pictures, all paparazzi shots, just a few official. Both almost overprotective of their kids on the stolen shots. Eyes on the camera, warning in their eyes, hands on kids' shoulders. A few pictures when they clearly didn't know they were being watched. Them without the masks, not posing for the camera, this is how they are when they're alone. One caught my attention, his hands on her waist, hers on his shoulders, she's laughing, he's smiling, eyes on each other. Happiness written all over their faces, true happiness. This was taken not that long ago... a year maybe... I can see their boys in the background. If I ever looked at this picture not knowing anything about the people, I would say it's a honeymoon shot. Years of marriage and they look so in love... and that brings me to my question.

She forgave him the groupies, but couldn't forgive one lie... why? I'm missing something...

I went through the show photos, again nothing revealing, no usual female rocker attire. No leather bras, no spandex... not even make up. Only a few pictures in sexy clothes, out of hundreds. All taken in the nineties... Let's see her first years in the band... Earlier years it's all making faces to the camera, finger up in front of her... just one of the boys. She was.. what...fifteen, sixteen... Not one picture of 'look at me, I'm a pretty girl,' all the pictures were in-your-face rebel. Finger to the whole world... purpose in your face 'I ain't your next door sweet girl' expressions. Teenage girls care about their looks, they all do, it's built inside... even the tomboys have a few pictures where they try to look pretty or sexy... it's in their genes.... you can't deny nature. She did.

I looked at her history page. She joined at a young age... just like James. A few family pictures, her brother and mother... no father. Again just like James, I was right, she is his mirror image. But there is something there... something that made her, her.

I opened a link with her video interview and watched it, noticing every detail, listening to every word. Short answers on all the private life questions. Not selling her sexuality, not using her charm, no usual little woman's smiles and moves. Sits comfortably, not too shy, comfortable in her own skin... yeah, she knows she's beautiful, but not using it... not answering to the obvious flirting from the host, ignores the camera... of course, she's used to being in the public's view, but unlike other beautiful women, she doesn't crave it, doesn't demand camera attention, doesn't play into it... very passionate with answers about her music... I turned back to the picture of them together and reclined in my chair.

My thought returned to the talks with James. The way he said it the last time... I replayed his answer, keeping in mind what I learned about his wife. 'She hates psychiatrists...' I remembered his tone of voice, his eyes. 'No, you're not talking to her. No way in fucking Hell.' I almost jumped with realization, talking out loud to the picture on my screen.

“You know! Whatever happened to her, you know it, you also know her true feelings for my profession. You were protecting her!” I dropped down in my chair and looked at the picture again.

“There's no fixing you without knowing the reason why she walked away from this, why she can't forgive but still loves you. Loves you enough to agree to talk to me.”

It will be hard to do... harder than anything I ever did before. I need to get on her good side, otherwise our talk will be short and pointless. I need to be careful and I need to try and help her to feel at ease. She won't be, she will come in with full armor, and ready. I need her to need this... there is no climbing over the wall into her privacy, there is only one way in, if she lets me through the door. And she most likely wouldn't. All I can do is try. I need to know. I want to make it a one time deal for James, I've seen too many frequent flayers in rehab, the ones that failed. I need him to stay strong.



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Harvester of Sorrow
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Oh yes, this chapter was horrible. Yuck, really. I'm going to bleach my eyes and erase my memory!

Now seriously, LOVED it. I'm a sucker for complex shit and progress.

And there's a lot of progress in this one.

John gartering the pieces, from her childhood and her family relations to her relationship with James. He also analyzed her behavior, her clothing, her manners, her poses, trying to get a glimpse of her personality and the way she sees herself.

He's after the missing puzzle piece. And he knows how to find it. Now we'll wait and see if she will allow him into her world.

moremore :heart:
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namenlos
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The Daft To Your Punk
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Searching her on the computer... isn't that cheating? :rolleyes: :biggrin

I do hope he can help her, though.
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Lenne13
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Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand!!
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Girl, your fanfics never bores me! :biggrin

I loved John slowly entering the mind and psyche of Angel ....

And I can't wait for more! :horns:

Thanks for the update Olya!! :heart:
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tuesday's gone
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Poor Twisted Me
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*cheers* Go John, go John, go John!

I love this John. He's the needed element of outside perception and analysis. A perfect means for introspection and healing.
He's also very detailed and meticulous, thorough and perceptive.

How nicely constructed chapter we have here! An overview of Angel. So in case we forgot some things about her over the chapters, we get reminded of what and who she really is. Still, it's not a school-type "what did we learn about Angel" report. It's a step-by-step analysis of her public self leading to inferences and ideas about her inner self. Her inner James. It is James actually. Everything he points out about her, her style, her demeanor, her public appearance, the parental qualities, the troubled childhood in a broken home - it's him. So by getting her, he will help him. By helping him, he will save them.

I loved the slow piece by piece resolving of the puzzle. I loved the attention to details, the looks, the way they hold each other, the invisible bond. I loved the look at it from the outside, through deconstructing eyes of the shrink. I loved this chapter!

John is so precious! I can't wait for their journey to discovery to begin!!!

*continues cheering* Go John, go John, go John!
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4everJamie
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Hey Olya!
Finally made it. :nanner: Like I promised :biggrin ....read all the updates that I had missed while I was in hospital.
I really adore this story (you know why :wink )! :heart:

So....Gimme more!!!
I need more to fill up my lonely nights! :lol:
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Olyamet
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Jäger.....

^^ Woohoo, glad to see you back, Katjia!!! :heart:

Thanks girls!
Love you all!
:heart: :heart: :heart:

Here is more.











(Angel's POV)





I started my car, turning the AC button all the way on full blast, and finally let myself relax. Tears were ready to bust out of my eyes, but I held them in and quickly pulled on my sunglasses. I have to do it, for James. This and one other thing... I glanced at the clock and pulled out of the parking lot of the rehab center, speeding up to the freeway.

In a few minutes I reached downtown and got into the busy traffic of the narrow streets. I pushed the talk with James' psychiatrist out of my mind, ready for another important meeting. My eyes caught the sign of the small bistro on the other side of the street and I maneuvered into a tight parallel parking space. I stopped the engine and made sure there were no sign of tears in my eyes, looking in the back view mirror.

Okay... here goes nothing. I crossed the street, waving thanks to a few cars that let me through and opened the door of the bistro. My eyes quickly pulled Jason's figure out of the crowd and I made my way to his table.

“Thanks for agreeing to meet me.”

“Hi, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't.” He smiled at me, raising from his seat. I gave him a quick hug and dropped into the seat across from his.

“So, what's good here?” I pulled the menu open.

“Nothing... but they make a killer coffee. I knew what kind of place to pick for you.” Jason smiled, but his sad blue eyes didn't join his lips. Fuck... I hurt him... I hurt him so deep. I'm a bitch.

I ordered my coffee while we continued with the small talk about nothing important. Then Jason told me about his plans, his new band, and I thought to myself that nothing I would say would fix this. But I had to try...

“Jason... I'm sorry for what I did to you. I wasn't thinking at that moment, you were there and I...”

“It's okay... I understand. I just... I don't want you to blame yourself for me leaving Metallica. It was coming to that before it. I already made my decision. It wasn't you...” He gave me a fade smile but I didn't return it. It was... you're just trying to make me feel better.

“Then why do I feel like you're lying?”

“It wasn't what you did that night. That wasn't the reason.” Not that night? But I never...

“Was it something that I did before? I don't remember ever having a fight with you, we were always good friends and I...”

“Yes, we were always good friends.” He looked down, turning his cup in his hands.

“Then what... I don't get it... Jason, I feel that I'm at least partially to blame for it... I just...” I stopped his hands with mine and he pulled them away. He's so mad at me he can't even bear my touch... fuck, I am a bitch. I pulled my hand back. Jason looked up at me and spoke.

“It was many things, many things that made me feel... restrained.” His eyes went down again.

“But you've always had such great chemistry with James... everyone can see it at gigs. You were a big part of Metallica. You can't just throw away seventeen years, maybe if you talk to James...” I leaned forward, looking at his face.

“That wouldn't fix it.” He looked up and I read it in his eye, he knows for sure it wouldn't. Jason stopped for a second, then continued. “He knows I'm not coming back, he knows all the reasons. We talked before that night. And I told him all of it... almost all of it...”

“And I just added to the rupture between you two... Jason, everything is fixable. I know how much your project means to you, and I know James knows it too, you can compromise... just talk to him, when he's out, get together and talk.” I hate to see you in misery, and I made it worst.

“Even if we do, even if we find the way.. it's not likely. He feels like I'm taking away from Metallica and he would never stand this. No... there is no coming back, I'm done, it's over.”

“I can talk to him, we can find a way...”

Jason looked at me and lowered his eyes, turning his cup, then let go of it, his hand smoothed invisible wrinkles on the tablecloth. Then he took a breath and looked back at me.

“Angel... there is something else... there is one other thing that I told him that night... that put the final cut between us... Even if I wanted to come back, which I don't, he wouldn't want me to.”

I rested my hands on the table, leaning forward.

“James always thought of you as a good friend, a good bassist, at least from the time I knew him. What can possibly make James not want you back?”

Jason looked at me, mirroring my pose.

“The way I feel about you...” I knew it... I'm the reason... they probably had a fight after I felt... shit... if they had any chance to reconcile, I ruined it... I lowered my gaze, once more my demons hurt the people I care about.

“I know you probably hate me for what I did, jumping you like that, using you to hurt him, but I didn't do it to hurt you, I wasn't thinking...” I looked back at my friend.

“Jason, I was in pain and I'm deeply sorry. You have every right to hate me.” I lowered my eyes again.

“I wish I did...” His sigh-whisper made me look up.

“Jason... what are you...” I tried to read the face in front of me, as a faint smile barely touched his lips and he held my gaze and spoke.

“See, I hid it so well all those years... I never dared to show it, or say it, or do anything about it. You chose him, that evening, remember that party in Barcelona, a week before you called him an asshole? I was looking for you to finally tell you how I feel about you, that I loved you from the first moment I saw you... and when I saw you looking at him... I knew it then, I was too late, your heart was already his.”

“Jason.. I never...” All those years... and I never even had a thought... Oh.. God, he.... and I... I used him to hurt James... it must've been horrible for him... “Oh God... Jason... if I knew I would have never hurt you like that... I didn't know...”

“I told James all that, he knows, now you know too. And I'm sorry... I wish it was different, I wish... I wish for many things to be different. I just want you to know one thing. It's not your fault, it was time for me to get my life straightened out. Fill this void, follow my passion for a different music, to be free to create, to just feel free.”

“Jason.. I... I'm so sorry...” I whispered, still in shock form what I'd just found out. He smiled at me with his sad smile.

“Don't be. I'm not... everything happened how it's supposed to. I just burned out with all of it. Now I'm free to be me, think of myself. Plus... after that night... when I saw you in that rage... I knew that your choice was the right one. I would never be able to tame you, I would've just become a man behind a strong woman. I could've never been the one for you, it would've never worked. Now, let's get off this topic. The summary is: I don't regret anything, everything is right, I'm happy, I wish you and James get back together, and I wish a great future for Metallica. I will pull my life together and make the best out of it.”



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namenlos
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The Daft To Your Punk
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Aw, poor Jason. :( I hope he really is alright after all this.
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Harvester of Sorrow
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Some Kind Of Monster
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You found a great topic to work on,

Jason's departure!

I'm so glad Angel went to talk with him. Up to this day I'm not fully sure of why he left, so it adds the story a bit of mystery and the opportunity for you to shape it like you want!

more please :heart:
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