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I'm The One Who Waits For You...; Metallica, Iron Maiden, James/OFC
Topic Started: November 24, 2009, 5:26 pm (66,453 Views)
Lenne13
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Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand!!
[ * ]
Wonderful chapter! :horns: :heart:

I believe that this conversation has been fundamental. For Jason, who can externalize one of his ghosts, as for Angel, who perhaps can understand better some of the James' attitudes. :)

Thanks for the update Olya!! :huggie:
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tuesday's gone
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Poor Twisted Me
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At this point: “Yes, we were always good friends.” He looked down, turning his cup in his hands." my eyes were full of tears.
And I felt like screaming at her "Don't you get it! Don't you get it!!!!"

I... I'm lost for words actually.

This was such an emotional chapter. A chapter so intense it made me feel like I'm carrying a huge burden on my chest. One man's life shred to pieces. So many years to leave behind in an attempt to reinvent himself for the years to come. So many years of torture when he looks back. So many years of living by lying to himself and to others. And yet, a gentleman to the very end. Not a word of reproach, of bitterness, of self-pity. Staying so strong, so noble, so brave in the moment when his life is shattered.
Beautiful, strong, noble man. Jason.

"I'm happy... I will pull my life together and make the best out of it" he says. But his smile is sad and faded. And his eyes don't laugh. :(

I'm sad.

Wonderful chapter. The looks, the smiles, the hand movements saying more than words can. His initial hesitation growing into resolution when he finally tells her everything. Cathartic. For him. At least I hope so.

You deserve a separate award for this chapter alone.
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Olyamet
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Jäger.....

@ Lori. I doubt that...
@ Julia. I know, I always wondered if there is unsaid reason in his departure.
@ Lenne. I needed to close that, with his thoughts. He is free, enough to tell her.
@ Bo. Sorry... I know you have a soft spot for Jason. That is what I think of him. In real life, he left without continues bitching about his reasons. He never said one bad word about any of the guys. You said it: 'A gentleman to the very end.'
Thank girls!
Love you all!
:heart: :heart: :heart:


Okay, anyone want's more?
Here is a little part.











(James' POV)




My hand trailed along the waves of Angel's hair, barely touching, afraid to wake her up. Small white flowers from yesterday's wedding were still intertwined in her locks, and the sheets were wrapped around her, making her look like a Greek Goddess. I smiled, I can't believe it... married... we are married... she was my wife... I still can't believe it...

Her eyes slowly opened and a smile appeared on her lips.

“Morning...”

“Morning.” My lips softly kissed her shoulder and her hand brushed through my hair, filling my heart with warmth.

“Why are you up so early?”

Because... because... something inside of me opened, and the words came out, with no guilt or fear or being romantic. For the first time of my life, I was not afraid to be me.

“I don't want to miss a second of this day, the first day of the best days of my life...” I whispered into her skin. No pretend... no shield... just the truth... just what I feel.

“Our lives.” Her hands wrapped around my neck, pulling me closer. I rose above her, looking into green oceans.

“I still can't believe it... you're my wife...”

“James, we dated for almost a year, and I was yours then, yesterday it just became official.” She smiled. And I continued, unable to stop my feeling, in need of tell her all... all what I felt.

“When I saw Bruce walking you down the aisle in that dress, you were so beautiful.. so... you looked like an angel... you know I always laughed at that expression... 'she took my breath away', but you really did...”

“Hm... not bad, considering that was the first dress I ever wore in a long time... I think the last one was... when I was ten... my father used to buy me dresses and tell me I looked like a Princess...” She smiled.

“No... he was wrong... you're not a Princess... but a Queen, my Queen.” My lips slid on hers and she whispered.

“Only if you're my King.”

I touched my forehead to hers and smiled, whispering the lyrics of the Bowie's song.

“I, I will be King. And you, you will be Queen. Though nothing we'll drive them away. We can be us, just for one day.”

Angel's smile grew wider.

“So... my King, what are we going to do today?”

“We're not going to get up from this bed, not today, not tomorrow, not the day after that.”

“Not even for the food?” She giggled.

“Okay, we can get up for that, but we're not going to get dressed.” I grinned.

“So you will cook me breakfast all... naked?” She played her eyebrows at me.

“Um... I can make coffee... but not sure I can make anything eatable.” I wish I could... I feel like a hero, I want to make you breakfast and bring it to your bed, I want to pick you up in my arms and dance around this room... I'm so happy!

“Good thing I can. We'll make a deal, you make coffee, I'll make french toast.”

“Mnnnn... it's not enough that I married the most beautiful woman in the world, I married a woman who can cook, too!”

“Don't get your hopes up... I'm not that good at it.” Angel slipped from under the covers. “Race you to the kitchen!”

I reached to her, but my fingers went through empty air. “Wait!”

My own voice woke me up and my eyes flew open, the darkness around me squeezed my heart. Rehab... dream... it was just a memory dream... Angel... I'm sorry... I never meant to hurt you... I pulled the pillow under me and buried my face to silence my weeping. You're wrong John... it's the right reason. I wouldn't ever do this for me... but I'd do anything for her... anything...



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Harvester of Sorrow
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Wow. I adore flashbacks, especially in this context:

James in rehab, unmasked, psychologically naked and alone, remembering his days of joy, consuming those memories, using them as the light on the end of the tunnel, as something to cling to.

And that intimate mood, so young, so yet amazed and still unaware of reality. Perfect.

No. No pills, no nothing can take her off his mind. :heart:
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namenlos
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The Daft To Your Punk
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Wow... must be so hard what James is going through right now. I feel so bad for him. :(
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Freyja
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Outlaw Torn
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olyamet
June 20, 2011, 3:14 pm
"I, I will be King. And you, you will be Queen."
"When I am King, dilly, dilly, you will be Queen"


Sorry, I was tempted :blush:
Great chapters and I'm so happy one of them included Jason!! Don't forget about him in the future pls :)
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Olyamet
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Jäger.....

Freyja
June 20, 2011, 6:51 pm
olyamet
June 20, 2011, 3:14 pm
"I, I will be King. And you, you will be Queen."
"When I am King, dilly, dilly, you will be Queen"


Sorry, I was tempted :blush:
Great chapters and I'm so happy one of them included Jason!! Don't forget about him in the future pls :)
:biggrin I had in mind other song. David Bowie's Heroes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYjBQKIOb-w :heart: :heart: :heart:
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Lenne13
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Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand!!
[ * ]
These memories make James want to recover, to he can take back what he lost. But I believe that just gonna work, if he do this for him, not for Angel. :)

Olya, your story makes me wonder how must have been hard for James, the time he spent in rehab... :(

And thanks for the update!! I love when you work fast!! :biggrin :heart:
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Freyja
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
olyamet
June 20, 2011, 7:08 pm
Freyja
June 20, 2011, 6:51 pm
olyamet
June 20, 2011, 3:14 pm
"I, I will be King. And you, you will be Queen."
"When I am King, dilly, dilly, you will be Queen"


Sorry, I was tempted :blush:
Great chapters and I'm so happy one of them included Jason!! Don't forget about him in the future pls :)
:biggrin I had in mind other song. David Bowie's Heroes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYjBQKIOb-w :heart: :heart: :heart:
I know, but when I listen to Heroes this part of the lyics always reminds me of Lavender :lol: And... David Bowie FTW!!! :heart: Including his lyrics is always a win :horns2
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4everJamie
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Some Kind Of Monster
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olyamet
June 20, 2011, 3:14 pm
My own voice woke me up and my eyes flew open, the darkness around me squeezed my heart. Rehab... dream... it was just a memory dream... Angel... I'm sorry... I never meant to hurt you... I pulled the pillow under me and buried my face to silence my weeping. You're wrong John... it's the right reason. I wouldn't ever do this for me... but I'd do anything for her... anything...


Awww...what a sweet and at the same time heart-wrenching chapter!!
Especially the last part..
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Hawkeye
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Blackened
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Glad that James is getting help. I'm interested to see how things go with Angel....more soon plz!!!
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Olyamet
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Jäger.....

Thanks girls!
Love you all!
:heart: :heart: :heart:
Sorry for a wait.


Here is more and it's a long one...
Hope you like it.










(John's POV)





I came to my office half an hour before our appointment. I deliberately gave Missis Hetfield the card for my small office in the busy hospital, conjoined with an emergency room, where I did my volunteer work. I didn't want to make her come into the private setting of a psychiatric clinic, I knew this place would be less hostile to her. I looked over the small room. Okay... lets make this space more inviting, more open.

I moved the chairs, making sure that we sat across from each other rather than being divided by the desk. I needed her to feel equal with me, not pressured. I sat down on the chair I picked for her and looked at mine. No, no good, the shadow from the cabinet will make me look dark... no, I need to make sure I'm in the light, so she can see me clearly, that I mean no harm. It was a few more minutes of moving the furniture and trying both seats before I was satisfied with the results. Now it was perfect. Didn't matter what chair she picked, we would both be in the light, we'd both be open to each other. I looked at my watch, reading eight AM and almost at the same I heard a knock on my door.

“Come in.”

Angel stepped into my office and I made a mental note. Punctual to the minute, is it a good or a bad sign? Wanting to help James is good, not giving me a chance to think about her unwillingness to do this is bad. I stood up to greet her and after the usual polite small talk was over, she sat down on the chair across from mine. Unconsciously, just as part of my work I read her body language.

Legs crossed, protective pose; face open and chin slightly up, accept the challenge; purse on the chair nearby and one hand on her lap with the other over the purse, trying to be open, but ready to cover if needed; fingers lightly moving on the metal studs, nervous. Nothing in the way she dressed screamed 'I'm a rockstar,' and nothing was pointing to 'just the girl next door.' Confident, strong, beautiful. I need to let her know that I know she hates my job, that would be the opening statement, a bridge to trust since she hates lies.

“Let me start with an apology for my colleague who failed to help you, putting the black mark on our profession in your eyes.”

“Not a problem.” Not one muscle on her face or body twitched, showing off weakness or a memory trail. Shields up at full. Yep, it would be like trying to touch a wild lioness. No easy way... no way in hell, I can't just break through...

“I also want to make it clear that I won't ask you to show me the skeletons in your closet.” Not unless you want me to see them. Unlikely...

“I'm sure you already know about them, you do work with James.”

Okay... so you think James told me all about you, wrong. Let's set all that straight.

“All I know from James about you is how and when you met and about the fight that brought him to rehab.”

“What do you need to know?” One raised eyebrow: surprised that I hit the right spot, not knowing that from James. She's not letting me in, she opened the door, but stands in the doorway. Okay, at least I got one point in your book. Now, soft voice, the right question and maybe... just maybe...

“Only what you want to tell me.” I looked into her eyes and almost immediately regretted my words. Shit.. wrong move... the usual tricks won't work. Angel's eyes held my gaze, slowly darkening. I needed to change my tactics fast or I'd hit a brick wall.

“Let's stop this game right here, right now. You ask me what you need to know, to help James, and I'll answer.”

A brick wall.

“Tell me about your parents.” Boring, I know, but as a rule it all starts there. She knew I would ask that and I'm sure she prepared an answer.

“My mother is a wonderful person, a strong and independent woman. I can't tell you much about my father, I was twelve the last time I saw him.”

Yep, I knew she was James' mirror image, now let's see how similar their story is. I need to mimic her short answers with short questions, an easier way to establish contact.

“Divorce?”

“Yes.”

“He left suddenly?”

“Yes.”

“Explained why?”

“No.”

“Tried to contact you later?”

“No.”

“Tied to contact your brother?”

“Yes. Next topic.”

The father topic makes you feel uncomfortable... Sorry but I have to dig in.

“Missis Hetfield... Angel, I know it's hard to talk about your life and I also know you're used to avoiding personal questions from the media, but I'm not them. If you dodge my every question with short answers, not revealing anything, we can stop this right now, because it would be pointless.” My cards are on the table, your turn. Time for the truth.

“My father never tried to contact me because I'm the stubbornest one in the family and I also was the closest one to him. Yes, I know I don't fit the profile of daddy's little girl, nevertheless... I was. He left us, he left me, never tried to explain why. He just went to work and never came back. He attempted to talk to my brother eight years later, and it was nothing more than a weak apology. I know as an adult that he had his reasons, but it took him too damn long to say he was sorry.”

Too late.. you didn't need him anymore, you learned to live without him... Maybe she blames her mother? Let's try reverse psychology and praise her mother.

“You must have a lot of respect for you mother, raising two teenagers who are feeling hurt and betrayed, dealing with her own pain, it was probably hard on her. Some women pull away from their kids, going through that, some become overbearing...”

I watched Angel's face with my every word. Nope, not a shade of disagreement with me... not the mother...

“She went into depression and couldn't deal with both of us out of control. Bruce moved out to live with his friends, he'd just turned seventeen, and I was sent to live with my father's brother.” A light shadow went through her face, if I hadn't had my eyes set on reading her every move I would've never noticed it. Father's brother... she didn't call him uncle... sign of putting him in the same category as her father... another disappointment? Okay, we'll come back to it later.... can't show her that I picked up on that yet.

“I'm sure all that was horrible, in a way you lost both parents...”

“I just had to grow up faster, but it made me who I am now.” Looking straight into my eyes, open, proud, strong but at the same time her hand tightly clenching the belt on the purse...

“A strong woman with a deep internal battle.” I held her gaze, playing my card. Come on... give in, please, let me in.

“All battles are over and demons contained. I would've forgiven my father now, but he died six years ago. I love my mother and never blamed her for anything.”

Door slammed in my face. Shit... I can try one last time... One last hope. I lowered my eyes, letting her have her win and said in a lower tone of voice, not as a question, but as a statement.

“But the demons never left, they're just asleep, and they come out in violent outbursts.”

She didn't answer and I looked back at her. Eyes dark as an ocean in a storm, body tense, back straight, legs still crossed but pulled back, almost ready for a jump. Okay... I managed to make the lioness angry... let's use it.

“If I'm wrong, you can leave, but if I'm right, we'll continue this talk.”

She didn't move, didn't changed her position, she met my eyes and then lowered hers, letting me know I'd won this round. Oh thank God! Finally! I have to make my move, open it all, or I'll lose it. No games.

“This is all sad and many people come from broken homes, this would make you strong, but not that strong. The way I see you, the way I feel talking to you... you only opened one small shadow, and I feel like there is burning Hell behind it. Something that made you close up even worse than James, something so horrible you decided you don't want to be a girl. Something that made you choose to be just one of the boys, take their profession, challenge man's land. Something that even today makes you hate sexual attention.” As soon as the last words slipped off my tongue, I knew the answer, and her reaction confirmed it.

Angel's eyes darkened with hate, face turned as pale as the wall behind her, both hands tightly clenching the armrests. Only one second of letting her true feelings show before the mask was back on.

“And you need to know that to help James? I know what you're trying to tell me. He's pulled towards sexy women because I'm not one of them.” Chin back up, eyes filled with pain.

Oh.. God... she blames herself for... oh no, no! It's not your fault! Oh, God, if I knew I had to deal with the victim of sexual abuse I wouldn't start it this way... Oh... shit... I should've known, I should've guess it! Now I have to continue in the same note, I can't show her that I know. I got my feelings under control and my voice never betrayed my emotions.

“Wrong. If I may say so, even in this simple shirt and jeans, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. You were born with sex-appeal, you may try to hide it, but it's there, it's just part of you, the part that I'm sure James felt. He's not pulled towards sexy women, he's pulled to... I can't talk about it, it's between him and me. If he decides to open it up to you, it will be his choice, just as our conversation will be confidential, and you may choose to tell James about it.” Shit! I almost blabbered it out to make her feel better!

Now I know.. I know she probably went through the usual program for abused children, she went through the psych ward, put there against her will, forced to do sessions... this is where that fear come from! God... I'm an idiot! This is not just a molestation case, those victims have a different psychology, they act different... this is something else...

“You really think knowing what happened to me a long time ago will help James?” Both hands on her lap, crossed, but eyes looking at me with doubt, almost unsure. Is she.. giving in? Now slow and easy, not to show to be too eager, no lie... just the truth.

“It will help me to know why you forgave him so much and couldn't forget one lie... Yes, it would help me help James.” And if you let me, I would be honored to help you...

“And our conversation will never leave these walls?” Giving in, but not because I'm good at what I do, she's giving in for him. The door is slowly opening in front of me, but I'm not invited in.

“Not one word, not even to James.”

“And you promise not to ask anymore questions?”

Bargaining to have an open way to escape or just pulling her time, getting ready to open up? Maybe if I try to give her a helping hand...

“I can speculate about the possibilities, all you have to say is yes when I get it right. If that's easier for you.” I looked into her eyes, not pushing in, just respectfully asking permission.

“No, there is no need for that. I'll tell you. I'm not a victim of child molestation, as you're probably thinking.” She looked down, breathed in, and raised her eyes back at me.

“I was beaten and raped at age thirteen by my uncle.”

“I'm sorry--” Thirteen! Oh, dear God! How many times I heard words like that... and every time I feel their pain, I feel so angry and I want to just... Breathe... you can't get emotional now...

“No need to be sorry, you didn't do it. It was long time ago, it's dead and buried together with him.”

Wait... Buried with him?

“He's dead?”

“Yes. I killed him.” Her eyes lightened, body relaxed, she breathed in and stood up. “Now you know it all. I hope this will help you to help James. I need to go, the plane is waiting for me to go back to London. ”

She picked up her purse, letting me know that this was over, she did it for him, and no one else. I stood up, not finding the right words to hold her longer. My mind tried to comprehend what I'd just heard. Assault, anger, and the guilt of a taking life... oh God... I was right... there is a burning Hell inside of her, but she holds it in, contained, never to be seen, never to be let out. She didn't just patched the holes in her psyche, she built an armor.... full metal jacket... Angel walked to the door and as she turned to me, I saw her gaze soften.

“I just... I want you to know, you were right, I didn't want to be a girl after that, but I had no choice. I do prefer men.”

She was betrayed by her father and then the man who was supposed to help her with her loss, who was like a father in her eyes... I'm surprised she didn't end up hating all men, I'm surprised she ever trusted one... That is it.. isn't it... the answer. I need to know one more thing. Angel opened the door and I stepped closer.

“I only have one question, not related to the... It would help me to complete the picture of you.”

“Okay, one last question.” She turned to me, still holding on to the door handle.

I know I can't stop you... this question is very important. I need to ask it right. Trust is important to her... she wouldn't love without trust... her mind wouldn't let her...

“How many times did you fall in love?” I looked into her eyes and she looked back.

“One.” A smile lit her face and I unconsciously mirrored it.

She turned and walked through the waiting area, followed by the looks of males and irritated glares from females. She walked through ignoring it all, strong, beautiful, and confident. She doesn't need my help... and she knows it. All she needs is him...

“Wow! Please don't tell me she's a nut case.” My friend and colleague, Andrew, was standing beside me, his eyes trailing after Angel until her figure disappeared behind the front door.

“Nope, she's perfectly sane and absolutely amazing.”

“Then why was she here?”

“She was... helping someone.”

“I hope that someone deserves the help of a woman like that.”

“He does.” I smiled and returned to my office, dropping into my chair with a stupid smile still playing on my lips.

Now I knew, I knew it all. She battled with herself and won. She pulled through, found the way.... rebuilt herself, and I knew who helped her to restore her trust in men. I knew just what James meant to this woman. I knew the answer to my question. I knew what I need to do to help him.



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Freyja
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Outlaw Torn
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Wonderful chapter!!! And through the middle of it I had an enlightenment like when you're watching a good detective movie and at the end the detective explains everything :D Fantastic job with the psychological aspect of things!! CAN'T WAIT FOR NEXT CHAPTER!!
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namenlos
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The Daft To Your Punk
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John is so awesome in taking so much care in presenting himself perfectly to Angel. :D He really seems to know what he's doing. :)
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Lenne13
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Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand!!
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I want John as my psychiatrist! :biggrin

Wonderful how you describe the thoughts of the characters! It makes me feel inside the story.... :) :horns:

Thanks for the update Olya!! :huggie:
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