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| Wherever I Belong...; Metallica AU with a twist... James/OFC, Kirk/OFC | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: January 24, 2010, 3:50 pm (46,549 Views) | |
| Olyamet | March 6, 2012, 12:04 pm Post #781 |
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Jäger.....
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Thank you girls! Your reaction is priceless! That means you care! That's the best price author can get! I love you all! @ Kassia. I know, I want then back together too! @ Jordan. Sowwwiieeeeeee!!! But I plan it that way... @ Mia. I had to... @ Shay. You will see! @ Naja. Aaawwww... Sorry for the delay, I was working. @Bo. Sorry I made you sad... Your comment, once again, bull's eye! I love you! Thank you girls for reading and for commenting! More? Here it is... (Continue of James' POV) I slammed the door behind me and threw my jacket over the opened shirt, grabbing the keys off the table. Another slammed door, and cold air hit my lungs, bringing tears to my eyes. I almost ran to my pickup, escaping from an unwanted reality. The tires screeched on the drive way and the truck sped up on the road, carrying me away from this moment, away from anger, from spinning darkness, from everything that was now. My hands pulled at the steering wheel, painfully squeezing the leather, and lips pressed together, locking the sob inside, teeth clenched, face turning into a stone. My foot ground the gas pedal to the floor, causing the engine to howl and my mind and heart joined together, picking the destination of my escape. A few hours of insane driving passed with a tensed up body and mind, desperately holding it all together, not allowing the memory to surface. The pickup halted with a rough kick and the engine died at the turn of the key as my eyes stopped on the cold and lifeless cabin in the headlights of my truck. My heart pulled and I rushed through the door, pushing inside. After a frantic clicking of a lighter, a lonely candle lit up the darkness. I crashed on the couch, shaking in the cold, and my lips shook again, unable to hold the sob any longer. “Alex..” My numb body melted into the cold softness, heart breaking through the locks, chains dropped down, letting nine years of pain flood my body. I whispered the name over and over again, repeating it like a mantra, summoning, begging, wishing. And when my mind cleared up, my eyes drifted to the picture on the wall, barely visible in the twinkling candle light. “Two happy New Years I spent here with you... and then nine painfully alone, waiting, dreaming that you'll come here... but you never did... ” My heart jitter, heavily dropping down, as memories of the past broke through the barrier that I'd build. --“This is how you do it!” Alex smiled at me from across the table, as she changed her hands, juggling the hot, just out of the fire potato. “You do this, cooling it off, then take the skin off on the top, like this, then blow the steam off, then add some salt and butter, and it's ready to eat.” I repeated her movements, burning my fingers on charcoal skin before my teeth sunk into hot goodness and I closed my eyes. “Wow... I never thought potatoes could taste so good! That's so different! And that smell of the fire and ashes, awesome!” Liquified, burning butter slid to the side, dripping down from the steaming top of the potato over my fingers. “Ouch! Hot!” I quickly changed my hands and she laughed, watching me battle with the potato. “Be patient! You have to wait for it to cool off a bit!” “I can't, it tastes so good!” I took another bite, savoring it. “So you like my kind of party so far?” She giggled, watching me devouring the last tasty bits. “I love it! The food is just... it's so good, I have no words! And that.. what did you call it? Shashlick? It's amazing!” My eyes roamed over the table... I would soo eat more, but I'm absolutely stuffed. “It was always my favorite! See, everything tastes better when you cook it on an open fire, people knew it back then.” “That's the best food I've ever tasted, hands down! Oh... shit, we didn't miss the time did we?” I quickly glanced at the watch. “Twenty minutes till midnight, I'd better get the champagne ready!” I stood up, pulling the chilled bottle out of the ice bucket. Should I get it ready, or wait a bit longer? I looked at the table and my eyes stopped on the tray with last two skewers of meat, then moved on to the chicken and back to the meat. I think I can eat a bit more... now that I'm standing I feel some space left... medieval people knew how to celebrate. I looked at the watch again and then it hit me. There were no watches or clocks back then... how did they know it was midnight? “Alex... how did you tell time back then? I mean, how did you know when it was the New Year?” “Well, we didn't really have a New Year's, it didn't exist back then. We had other festivities at approximately the same time of the year.” Alex reclined into her chair with a smile. “Like what?” I repeated her move, lowering the bottle back into the ice. It can wait... “Well, we celebrated many Gods back then, it was time for the Winter solstice or Koleda and it lasted for ten days. During the first feast, space at the table was reserved for Ghosts, who were said to arrive on a sleigh. Each family made a fire in their hearth, it's an old word for a fireplace, and invited their personal household Gods to join in the festivities. The longest night of the year was celebrated as the day of the Black God. On this night, Hors, symbolizing the old sun, becomes smaller as the days become shorter, then he dies. He is said to be defeated by the dark and evil powers of the Black God. In honor of Hors, we danced a ritual chain-dance which was called the horovod. Then cleanse ourselves by jumping over the fire... Children disguise themselves on evenings and nights as Koledari, and visited houses and sang wishes of good luck, and as a reward, they were given little gifts. I guess part of that ritual moved to your Halloween. At this time of year there were also candles lit for Dieviņs and kept burning until the end, when they extinguished, it was the sign of an end to the unhappiness of the previous year...” Alex's face turned somewhat sad with the memories and I moved to her side of the table, wrapping my arm around her. “Sounds like fun.” “It was, and although I love the New Year's and Christmas of this time, the old ways were more... I don't know... they had more fire, more...heart, more happiness, you know... It was just different... I'm glad I can remember it all right now, here with you in this little cabin...” Her eyes peered into mine, lighting up and returning to happiness. “Since you like it, we can make it our tradition, coming here for every New Year. And you can feed me more of this amazing food.” “Done! But promise me you'll never change anything in here, leave it as is and this will be our little corner of the modern world lost in time.” “Done! It'll be like our secret way back to your world.” I pulled her into a kiss, her hands moving over my chest, drawing lines of heat up to the back of my neck, and raising a different kind of hunger in me. Lips parted and she pulled away. “Time to open the champagne, or we're going to miss midnight...” “Fuck the champagne, this is so much better...” My hands pulled her back, lips returning the soft caress. Her hands flew back to my neck, body pressed to mine, igniting my desire. My hands crunched her top up, fulfilling the need to feel her soft, warm skin. She giggled into my mouth, pulling back. “Then you'd better bring some more wood for the fireplace, so it lasts for the night... and you don't have to go out there later, all... naked...”-- Smiling eyes winked at me, fading away as my mind returned me back to present time. But my heart refused to let go, begging to continue, and I breathed out. “No.. don't go... stay with me...” I opened my eyes to darkness, body shaking with chills as the cold reached all the way to my core. My eyes looked over the empty room, the weak flame of a lonely candle flicker with my breath, losing the battle to the darkness. Alex.. don't go... I need you... I want to remember it all, the whole day... whole night. I need this... I need to remember, to relive it... Alex's last words echoed in my mind. 'Wood for the fireplace, so it lasts all night...' I quickly stood up and almost ran outside, loading pieces of frozen wood in my arms. My legs turned back, hurried by the heart, and I pushed the door with my back, walked in, freezing in the middle of the room, eyes stopping on the barren black mouth of the listless fireplace. I closed my eyes, forcing myself away from this dark and cold world, returning back to the past. The darkness lit up, changing the room, bringing it back to life, brightened by memories...The logs dropped down on the floor, just like they did that amazing night, the first night of nineteen eighty-nine, when I came back from the outside to find a bewitching picture... Alex was laying on her stomach by the fireplace, watching the fire hungrily devour wood. Her perfect, naked body was stretched on the fur cover she pulled off the bed. A pillow was tucked under her chest, eyes burning with reflections of flames. I breathed in, feeling my heart jumping in my chest at the view in front of me. I quickly pulled my jacket off and lowered myself by her side. My lips touched her shoulder, sliding lower over her back, while hands slid over the silky warmth, lips nibbled, kissed, and I breathed in her smell. I continued to move lower on her back, melting into loving bliss. My chest expanded with a moan of overwhelming joy. I laid my cheek on her lower back, catching up with my heart, which was beating fast in absolute happiness. I could've stayed like this forever... “James... what are you doing?” “Loving you...” She turned in my arms with a smile. “I want to do that too...” Her lips found mine, tongues stating fiery dance and hands caressing each other in slow, tender movements. She pulled my shirt off, and lips parted with moans. Her eyes, with wild golden arabesques of fire, gazed into mine and our lips came together again, bodies cling to each other, needing more. Her foot traveled along the back of my leg, up to the thigh, making me push my groin to hers, and as I released a frustrated cry at the painful reminder that I still had my pants on, she pulled back with a giggle. “Once again, I'm all ready for you, and you're not.” The arabesques in her eyes flickered wickedly. Her hands pushed me back, pulling me up with her. As we stood up, her loving lips traveled over my face, to my shoulder and neck, soft touches continuing to my chest. Hands unbuttoned and slid down my pants, lips moved lower as she went down on her knees, kissing her way over my body. I pulled air into my lungs when she reached pulsating flesh, but she smiled into my skin and pulled me down to my knees in front of her, returning to my lips. “Not just yet... I want more of the loving tenderness...” “You're such a tease...” I smiled, looking into blue-green darkened lakes, flames shimmering in her eyes. “We do have all night and a few days... we have time for it all...” I smiled again, softly brushing the back of my fingers on her skin, slowly traveling from her neck to her chest. “You never wear your pendant anymore... since Germany... and I... I got you something to replace it... wait one second. Just close your eyes, and don’t move.” I kissed her, unwillingly letting her body out of my arms, making a quick trip back to the couch, in a hurry to come back on my knees in front of her. My fingers opened the box, pulling out the ring on the chain and my lips settled into a smile, as I pushed the chain over her head, lowering the pendant on her chest, lips softly touching hers. “Happy nineteen eighty-nine!” She looked down, touching the ring, pulling it closer. A light gasp left her lips, reading the inscription on the inside of the ring out loud. “I'll love you forever... and nothing else matters.” “I'll love you forever too...” Her eyes, full of love, flew up to mine and she pulled me closer. I moved forward, ready to melt into the kiss, but my lips moved through cold air. I opened my eyes, falling out of my memories and back into darkness. |
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| Some_Kind_Of_Monster | March 6, 2012, 12:19 pm Post #782 |
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☠ (R.I.P) † Return Is Possible †
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The disappointment and frustration I feel when I reach the end of the update!!! I simply love it!!!
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| SlayingTheDreamer | March 6, 2012, 1:04 pm Post #783 |
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Never talk with strangers.
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this was sad and beautiful at the same time. You have an amazing power to describe feelings, this gave me chills. one of the best updated so far oh and
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| jØrdan | March 6, 2012, 2:05 pm Post #784 |
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Valar Morghulis
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I agree!!! “Done! But promise me you'll never change anything in here, leave it as is and this will be our little corner of the modern world lost in time.” ...god dammit, Fran. Wow this was really fantastic. I could just see James sitting there in the cold having the room being lit up by the memory of them by the fire. UGH, this makes me want to cry lol. *cheesy* Gimme more, Olya. I need more!!!
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| tuesday's gone | March 7, 2012, 3:37 am Post #785 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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I'm breathless!!! Literally breathless!!! As Jordan said, so sad, yet so beautiful! The oppositions between past and present as a main motif of the chapter are simply amazing (you know I'm a sucker for contrasts :)) Warmth of the fire, warmth in her eyes, warmth of the touch, warmth of the skin, warmth of love, warmth of the soft kiss vs. cold room, freezing breath, a dying candle flame, surrounding darkness, overwhelming emptiness. Plus another layer of contrasts, Alex's past with Alex's present. Her past and present both united by him - James, who she will love forever. All this opposed to James' past of Alex and James' present of drunken void. Ultimate happiness vs. gnawing sadness. What the hell went wrong?! There is no ultimate happiness, is there? So sad. But beautifully written. And once again, an absolutely perfect account of James. Powerless, speechless, with a face made of stone and a heart imprisoned in chains of the past long gone and, could it be, the shackles of guilt?
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| Shayniz21 | March 7, 2012, 7:50 pm Post #786 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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i need to know what happened to alex and james!!!! more please!! |
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| Olyamet | March 8, 2012, 6:05 pm Post #787 |
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Jäger.....
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Thank you girls so much!!! Love you all! @ Kassia. If you feel it, then I did it right! @ Mia. Thank you hunny! @ Jordan. Awwww... don't cry! @ Bo. You know how much I love oppositions! Thank you! @ Shay. Well, this part is explain it all... Thanks! Okay, here is more... ready? (continue of James' POV) My body crumbled under the weight of a heavy mountain of regret, and I dropped to my knees. Hand clasped around the ring, my jaw clenched to the point of muscles spasm, but a moan made its way out, emptying my lungs. I opened my mouth, desperately trying to draw air back into my constricted chest as my hand moved higher, gripping at the chain, making it cut into skin like a choker. I pulled harder, bringing a sharp pain, and the silver links gave in, falling apart. The ring jumped on the chain, frantically pacing side to side, just like it did that day... my darkest day... the black day nine years ago... the day I lost her. My heart choked on the growing lump in my throat, as the painful memory took over my mind. ---- The Damaged Justice tour was over, after a few free months we were back in our studio, mainly playing around, jamming, thinking, and planning the new album. I had lots of ideas running in my head and we had tapes on top of tapes of recorded riffs, solos, parts, bits and pieces. Me and Alex celebrated another amazing New Year in our dropped out of time sanctuary. The year nineteen ninety started on a high note, with a Grammy for best metal performance for One, and was promising to be a great one. Life was perfect with the band and with Alex. Sergey's first book that she translated was released in stores and it was a hit. He insisted on her joining him at book signings in multiple stores all over the country. The whole ordeal took a little bit over three weeks, which flew by fast, despite me missing her by my side. The last few days I spend partying with Warlock, a German band we became friends with during the Monsters of Rock fest in eighty-six. They dropped by for an unsuspected visit on their way to Hollywood to record their second album under anew band name, Doro. The black day arrived with Alex's call. She was finally back in Santa Barbara and invited me to a party to celebrate the success of the book, but I had plans. To trade a huge rocker style party for a boring, formal banquet, full of pompous literature snobs and the queer friends of Sergey and Tom was not even a question to me, and Alex knew that. She just laughed off my excuses and said that she had one last book signing tomorrow afternoon in a local store and then she would be on her way home. If I knew back then that this decision of mine would rip my heart out... I would've dropped everything and ran to fucking Santa Barbara, but I didn't... The wild, loud party moved all over the town, multiple bars, multiple houses, strip clubs, booze... old days craziness, laughter, memories. By the end of the night me and Doro ended up together, talking non stop, remembering our short lived fuck buddy hookup during the Fest. With more booze our talk turned to music, then to relationships and I started to talk about Alex. Doro laughed at me, saying she never expected me to turn into a love puppy. As my alcohol loosened tongue praised the girl I was in love with, Doro insisted on meeting this wonder girl, who got the heart of the mighty Hetfield. Since that was impossible at the moment, and Doro kept insisting to at the very least see a picture of Alex, my drunk mind didn't see anything wrong with taking her into our house. More booze in someone's car that smelled like pot, drunk giggling while navigating our way in the dark driveway. Memories of how we got into the empty house was somewhat blurred, pictures, more booze, Doro lighting another joint and offering it to me. The faded memory of me saying 'I hate that shit...' then a memory of blowing smoke out...The rest of the night I remember in flash like shots. Laughter, more drinking, more laughter, her taking her top off, her hands on my bare torso. Me on my back on the couch, her pulling my pants off, me laughing... Her naked body pounding on top of me.. and then... Alex's pale face in the doorway, tears in her eyes. It shook me out of my drunk-drugged state, pulled my body up with desperate words. I tripped over something on the floor and went down, falling into the darkness. When I came back to reality Alex wasn't there. Doro was fully dressed sitting on the floor near by, smoking a cigarette. I tried to get my spinning, pounding head together, get up and run after Alex, but she stopped me. “James.. I'm sorry, but she's long gone... you were out for a few hours... it's all my fucking fault... I didn't fucking mean to.. it just happened...” “Did she say anything?” I didn't recognize my own voice. “No... she just... it's all fucked up... I tried to tell her that it was nothing, that we were fucking drunk and high, that we didn't know what the fuck we were doing... that it was all just part of our crazy rock life and she shouldn't take it personally. She didn't scream, or make a scene, she didn't even try to fucking hit me... she just left, not saying a word, took her suitcase and loaded it into some old fucking car. I asked her to stay, to talk to you, I fucking begged her to wait... She just gave me this and drove away... “ Doro opened her hand and a chain slid out of her fingers, letting the ring dangle in front of my eyes as though it was shaking its head at me, in a repeating 'no'. She didn't come back, not that day, not the day after, weeks, months drifted in fading hope. I looked for her everywhere, but no one knew were she was, not even Meg... I didn't know what to do, I was heartbroken and I couldn't even hide it, for the first time, all what was happening inside of me spilled out in lyrics... The Black album... I surfaced from the memory line, the hand with the ring rising up and a finger sliding over the engraving on the inside of the ring. My heart repeated the words, painfully turning in my chest. Nothing Else Matters... I put that damn song on the album... I sang it every fucking gig for the last nine years, hoping she would hear me... hoping she would forgive me... I came to this cabin every year, hoping that she would be here... Nine years of drowning this black hole in my heart with booze, nine years of living as Unforgiven, living on autopilot, giving all of me to the band. Nine years of life happening on its on.. somehow I managed to pretend, to numb my heart, to seem normal on the outside. I drifted from depression to anger, from hope to despair, the only thing that never changed was my love for her. Part of my bleeding heart slithered into my lyrics, but only my bandmates knew where it was coming from. Part of me kept going, I got married, had a kid, part of me lived, continued moving forward, while the other part was standing still in time, here in this cabin, waiting, hoping, pacing in pain and slowly dying. My eyes returned to the picture, lips moving in a whisper. “Alex... come back.. please, hear me and come back... come back or let me free...” |
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| Some_Kind_Of_Monster | March 8, 2012, 6:15 pm Post #788 |
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☠ (R.I.P) † Return Is Possible †
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You just made me cry. I hate you so much right now. Simply beaiful
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| Olyamet | March 8, 2012, 7:50 pm Post #789 |
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Jäger.....
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Sooowwwiieeee... And thank you!
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| Shayniz21 | March 8, 2012, 10:46 pm Post #790 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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omg they have to get back together!!!! |
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| tuesday's gone | March 9, 2012, 6:45 am Post #791 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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. You positively killed me with this line! He broke the chain carrying the ring, he begged Alex to let him go. Will she? Now I'm sure there is no coming back. She told him once, and he stupidly forgot, that she would just leave if he ever cheated on her. No drama, no screams, just leave. And she delivered on her promise, just as he so recklessly forgot his. How cheaply he lost her! And for what? A quicky with Doro which he didn't even remember properly. Stupid, stupid James!!! *facepalm* I'm so sad! |
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| jØrdan | March 9, 2012, 8:03 pm Post #792 |
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Valar Morghulis
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-_______- Olya... I dub thee unforgiven. So not cool right now.
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| Olyamet | March 10, 2012, 1:26 am Post #793 |
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Jäger.....
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@ Shay. You have to wait to see!!! @ Bo. Well, when you drunk and high, you have no idea what is happening... but yeah, Doro... @ Jordan. Soowwwiiieeeeeee!!!! You still love me though, right? Okay, I'm working on more as we speak!!! It's going just fine! Hope to get update up today or tomorrow, all depends if I like when I reread it... |
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| SlayingTheDreamer | March 10, 2012, 4:55 pm Post #794 |
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Never talk with strangers.
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this literally made me cry again a stunning chapter Olya! there are so many things dwelling in James' conscience, you described it perfectly again! hat's off!
Edited by SlayingTheDreamer, March 10, 2012, 4:56 pm.
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| jØrdan | March 10, 2012, 5:40 pm Post #795 |
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Valar Morghulis
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Psh... I guess so..
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8:38 PM Jul 10