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Bleeding Me; Post Metallica , Het, Jason/OFC, romance
Topic Started: October 13, 2012, 5:19 pm (1,087 Views)
kirkhammettismyman
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I was just a name in your little black book.
[ * ]
Intro
"1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6," she counted out loud to release the tension. The house was a pigsty. Dishes pilled up in the sink, toys strewn everywhere, a pile of washing desperately needing folding, and two tear away kids running through on a rampage of virtual destruction.
That day was not a good day, she felt as though everything was on top of her and she'd never get anything done. She felt frustrated, annoyed, grumpy and above all incredibly tired.

So tired.

Despite those feelings on that day she did genuinely love being a stay at home mother. She loved spending time with her children, after all they wouldn't be so young forever and she'd hate to think she missed something putting them into day care.

She flicked off the television as she walked passed. Less noise, more headspace to think about where to start with that mess. The dishes? No, she'd have to gather up all the dishes from the rest of the house first to make sure they were all done. The toys? No point until the children were headed to bed. Stick on a load of laundry and begin gathering up the dirty clothes. Great, perfect place to start.
And it was just as she began that as per usual, someone needed her. A drink of water please. Something to eat, I'm hungry. He took my crayons.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Saved by the bell. A knock at the door.

"Excuse me kids, mummy needs to get that."

Who could it be, the postman probably. Why couldn't they just leave the parcels by the door? The dog was going bonkers at this stranger on his territory. She yelled out to him that it was okay, no need for the noise. Something crashed from the toy room, no one crying, no one hurt, deal with the door first.

Hair unbrushed home-dyed black hair, pyjamas still on at 10am and make up, not a chance. It couldn't have been anyone of importance, she had nothing organised that morning. And no one came over unannounced.
"Sorry, coming!" She yelled as she heard a second round of knocking. Reaching the door she unlatched it and opened it. Expecting a delivery guy, door to door salesman or religious nutter she met her caller with a mix of shock and surprise.

"Jason," she managed after a few seconds of stunned silence, "what are you doing here?"

"They dropped me, they dropped me from the band, can I come in?"

She stepped aside letting him in, and the stress of the messy disorganised house seemed to slip away instantly. Why was he darkening her doorstep again after so many years? And how had he found her?
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!JaceyNewkid!
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YES! Another Jason story! There needs to be more. I'm intrigued as to how these two know each other now. Please continue :biggrin
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kirkhammettismyman
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I was just a name in your little black book.
[ * ]
:biggrin Glad you like it.

Chapter 1
She ushered him into the dining area and gestured towards the kitchen table for him to sit down.

"You're going to have to excuse me for a second, my mum is on her way to pick up the kids and I have to get the last of their things ready," she said as she stuffed some things absent mindedly into a backpack.

"Kids?" Jason asked, he seemed a little puzzled.
"Sorry, I forgot it's been 10 years since you last bothered to get in contact with me, yes Jason, I have children now. 2 actually. A 3 year old and a 1 year old."

She couldn't help but feel a little agitated by his presence, who just turns up after 10 years on someone's doorstep and start questioning their choices post-break up. There were footsteps racing down the hall, then a tiny face peering around the corner, curious at this stranger in their living room.
"Jason this is my 3 year old son Bodhi," she said, feeling more than a little bit tense. Hurried and muddled footsteps down the hall and a second small person peered out from around the corner.
"And this is my 1 year old son Rohan."
"Ummm, pleased to meet you boys?" Jason muttered, he never really was very good around kids, and this meeting was awkward to say the least.

A knock at the door and she was saved by the bell yet again.

"Come on boys, grandma is waiting," she said ushering her two boys, who were curiously staring at the stranger at the table, to the door. She stood there for a few minutes explaining to her mother what was going on and thanking her over and over for taking the children for the evening. It had been pre-planned, she was going to give the house a good clean and then sit down with a glass of wine and watch something truly trashy on TV. The chances of that happening were looking very unlikely.
She stood at the door for a few moments after the children had been packed into the car and driven away, oblivious to the guest at her dinner table.

"Amy? Are you there?"

She walked back into the kitchen and sat down across from him at the table. He looked so much different from when she had seen him last, the long hair was gone and he looked older. Of course it had been 10 years. He looked deeply concerned, worried, but then again he'd always had a pretty serious look.

"So they've dropped me from the band, kicked me out, I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do," he started.
"Wait, how did you find me?" she cut him off.
"Kirk, I asked him if he knew where you were and he gave me your address," he said, "he said he's kept in contact with you the whole time."
"Of course he did, he was my friend before you and I, he'll always be my friend. Friend's keep in contact, they call once in a while, they don't show up out of the blue after 10 years."
"You won't be angry at him, will you?"
"Of course not, he probably thought he was doing the right thing."

They sat across from each other not saying anything, what do you say after such a long time? Yet there was so much history between them they couldn't say nothing.
"So, what happened?" she asked, trying to move things along and out of the uncomfortable silence.
"Apparently it is no longer working out, they're moving in a different direction, services no longer needed."
"Lars did the talking, James sat there nodding and Kirk sat in the corner wishing he was anywhere but there?"
"That's how it went down," Jason confirmed.
"Some things never change," Amy said with a smile, "and so your first reaction was to ask Kirk for my where abouts?"
"Well my first move involved some heavy drinking, the next day I went and saw Kirk and asked for your number, when I found out you were over here..."
"You got on a plane and decided a home visit would be best?" she couldn't help but be a little annoyed.
"Well, yeah."
"Jason, it's been 10 years, we left it in a pretty bad way and you think I'd what, roll out the welcome mat?"
"Ummmm...."
"I mean what did you think I'd be doing over here?"
"Well I never expected the wife and kids bit," Jason said with a stern look on his face, "you always said you never wanted kids."
"No Jason, you said you didn't want kids, music was your baby, remember? And I wanted you so I nodded along, like an idiot..." she trailed off at the end. His visit was bringing up memories she had long forgotten.
"Oh, so you have a husband now then?"
"Had, I had a husband."
"What, what happened there?" Jason was quieter than she ever remembered, but it was an incredibly awkward conversation. He was beginning to wonder if this was really such a good idea.
"He died Jason, car accident, 6 months ago."
"I'm so-"
She cut him off with a wave of her hand.
"Stop, just don't do that, I'm sick of hearing how sorry everyone is. Everyone is so damn sorry. He was here, he loved me, we had two great kids, and now he's not here."
"Okay," he sat there not knowing what to say next, he had come all this way to talk about himself and his problems but in that moment he just felt like a total arsehole.
"You didn't know, it's been a rough few months."
He nodded.
"So, you've flown for hours and hours and I guess it wasn't for a random how's the weather chat."
"You sure you don't mind, you've got a lot on your plate right now..."
"You're here, so you may as well talk"
"Well they dropped me."
"You said that."
"And so without kids or a "significant other" I have absolutely nothing."
Amy shook her head and stood up.
"Do you want a drink, tea, coffee, water?"
"Beer?"
"I don't have beer, I think I have a bottle of Rum in the medicine cabinet though."
Jason looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
"What, so the kids can't reach it!"
He continued giving her the look.
"Do you want my booze or not Mr Newsted?"

She stood in the kitchen pouring two rum and cokes in complete silence. It seemed so strange, yes he was going through a rough time but why come all this way to talk to her. She sat down, handing him the drink.
"So you're lonely then, and you thought you'd look me up? I don't get it Jase, there have been so many girls since me, why are you here?"
"I'm here because 10 years ago you just up and left without a word. One day you were there, the next you were gone. I had no idea where you'd gone and you never contacted me again. And ever since I've been lost. Totally lost. And now I have nothing. And I want to know why you left, and why it all went to shit."
"Really Jason, you want to know why I left? After 10 years you come here and -"
"You keep saying that, 10 years, 10 years, like the number matters."
"Because the number DOES matter! I was by your side for 4 long years, friends with you before that too, then yes I left, but you never called, you never wrote, until a decade later. And when you do it's all about you and you're suddenly shocked that I've changed."

So Amy was a little pissed off. Even after such a long time she still hung onto that thread of bitterness, and as he dug for answers it all came spilling out again.
"Okay so I didn't call, and I didn't write, but neither did you!"
"Who should I have written to, the fan club address?"
"Funny."

They sat there again in silence, this wasn't going so well. He probably shouldn't have come. But he did.
"I'm sorry," she said, "it's been a long time but there are things I haven't let go of. There were things we said, and things that happened. I don't know. I was messed up for a really long time."
"Me too," instantly the tone of the conversation changed.
"So you really want to know?"
"Yes."
"Even if you don't like what you hear?"
"Yes."
"Well get comfortable kid, this might take a while. I'll get you another drink."
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!JaceyNewkid!
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Totally wanting to know why Amy left! :P keep writing!
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kirkhammettismyman
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I was just a name in your little black book.
[ * ]
CHAPTER 2
She took a deep breath and a big swig of her drink. His return had brought up many feelings she had long repressed and she wasn't quite sure that she was ready to revisit them.

"This isn't easy for me you know, you've really put me on the spot," she said nervously.

He smiled sheepishly , she remembered that smile. It took her right back to the very beginning. That afternoon at Kirk's place when they first met. He was so shy and awkward around her he was. But that smile, he smiled at her and she just melted.
And she was right back in that place again.

Snap out of it Amy!

"So we were together for 4 years and a lot of those years were good. We had a lot of good times togethers, and for the most part I was happy."

She couldn't look him in the eye.

"But I always suspected there were others, and you would never take me on tour with you or tell me what was happening. And then you started the Black Album tour."

He looked nervous, uncomfortable, anxious. But he wanted to know, so she was telling him.

"And while you were on tour you were being interviewed, and girls talk Jason. The girls in the shower stories, the girls in the hotel stories, the girls on the tour bus stories. I expected it of Lars and James, James was a single man and Lars was, well a jerk. But then it started filtering back to me that it was you too. I had suspected, but then there was an interview."

He went white as a ghost.

"And you said you were single, not attached. Enjoying the perks of touring."

He was sweating.

"And so I packed my shit and I left. You lied to me Jason, over and over. Everytime you said you were commited to us, and that you valued our relationship, you lied. I loved you, with all my heart, and gave you everything I had..."

Nothing was said for a very long time.

"It was a really difficult time for me," Jason said, "I just wanted to fit in with those guys, I thought maybe if I went along with J-"
"Kirk didn't, when he was married and on the road without his wife and he wasn't humping every thing that moved, he only started that after he and Rebecca seperated and divorced. He didn't act like a single man until he was a single man. Why could he but not you?" Amy was angry.
"It was different for him though, he was in, they respected him, they left him do his thing. He didn't have to try and impress them," Jason said, there was a sort of desperation in his voice.
"So banging chicks, that impressed them?" Amy wasn't convinced.
"In a way, yes."
He realised how stupid that sounded, but at the time that was how he had felt. He hoped she didn't know about the other women, but he had always wondered how long he could keep it up before she found out. Loving, devoted boyfriend at home, rock star on the road.

"It was a decade ago, I've moved on with my life, I've lived my life, we don't have to rehash old hurts," Amy didn't know why they were doing this after so long, it all felt so strange.
"No, you're right, I was the arsehole here. You did all the right things, and I did too when we were together, but when we weren't I did all the wrong things. I was trying to be your boyfriend and their bassist, it didn't really work."
"No it didn't. But you didn't have to do all that crap on tour to get them to like you, they picked you for your talent."
"You don't understand, they didn't like me, they never liked me. I was the fan that got to fill in for a while."
"You're right, I didn't understand, you never told me. You never told me any of that stuff. There was work and there was us. When we were together you weren't Metallica's bassist, you were just Jason."

The problem had been that he had made them two separate identities, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Jason looked confused, he had thought he had handled it well at the time, being Jason at home and the New Kid with the guys. He could leave the work stuff with them that way.

"You weren't your real self with any of us, I thought you were this charming, sweet, caring guy and they thought you were this lady killer, hound dog, just one of the guys. Who were you really?"

Jason was struggling to find the words, he wanted to apologize, he had thought he'd done the right thing at the time but deep down he knew he hadn't, and he'd always known in his heart that his cheating ways had driven her away, but without actually hearing it from her he hadn't been willing to admit it to himself.

"You left without a word," he muttered.
"What was there to say? Hey found out you were banging a bunch of girls on tour, I'm not cool with it, let's split up? Should I have told you on the phone, wrote you a letter? I slipped out quietly and without a fuss."
"I came home to an empty house!" Jason said, that had made him angry. Sure he'd done the wrong thing, but she hardly went about the break up like an adult.
"I didn't know what to do, I was hurt and I panicked, I got my stuff and I got out. I wanted to call but I was so angry."

Silence again. They were both stewing on what had been said.

"Why did you think I left?"
"I don't know. I was gone, I was calling and you weren't answering. It was towards the end of the tour so I figured I just kept missing you and that you were at work or hanging out with your friends, it was only going to be 2 more weeks and I was pretty flat out. But when I got home and you weren't there. At first I just thought maybe you were at work, I hadn't given you an exact date of when I'd be home. Then I realised all your stuff was gone. And the ring was on the table. You were gone. I was too upset to think why, just that you weren't there. So I threw some stuff around, smoked a whole lot and passed out."
"I'm sorry," she'd never thought about how she was in the wrong too. She'd been so hurt about what he had done she never stopped to think that maybe she was hurting him too.
"Me too."
"But that can't have been the end of it all for you, surely there were other girls after me that..."
He shook his head.
"Sure there were other women, but there was never another woman in my life the same way you were, and now that everyone else is married with kids, it's just me. I always thought you'd just walked, I didn't know that you knew what a dog I'd been."
"Jason, we don't have to do this."

Silence again, neither of them knew what to say. Jason's head was spinning, he no longer knew why he was there or why he hadn't walked out yet. The last 10 years had been a total blur of booze, babes and well, bass. But there had been a hollowness, sadness, a dark undertone to the whole thing. And while the others hooked up and shacked up, he was left alone. He'd spend an evening with a woman, maybe take them out to dinner, but there was never a connection, and so after some fun (after all he was "the famous guy") they'd go home and he'd never hear from them again. He had women to have fun with, he was never left wanting in that department, but he had no one to go on a holiday with, no one to make a home with, he'd always imagined having someone to spend a lazy Sunday morning with, but there was no one.

And at first that was fine, but he had noticed the drift, they invited him to things out of pity. Birthday parties and family BBQs, he'd stand there by himself. Kirk would keep him company, until there was Lani. Which was fine, she was lovely, they were great together. But that left him as the third wheel and he was so uncomfortable with that. And as he got older he'd wanted to settle down but no one fitted, there was no one he connected with, no one who clicked, no one who fitted. No one willing to hang around until the next day.

He'd never stopped to think about why Amy left, just that she did. He hadn't allowed himself the time to do that, perhaps to protect his own ego. But now he had time to think, and to torture himself over his mistakes.

He ran his hands through his hair and sighed, exhausted, jet lagged, worn out and rung out.
"I saw you cut all your hair off," Amy changed the subject.
"We all did, we 'grew up' for Load," Jason said rolling his eyes.
"You didn't like the make up era?" she said with a smirk.
"You mean doing country? Metallica shouldn't have done country. Mama Said was his song."
He was bitter about it. Just a little bit.

"So, where are you staying?" She changed the subject again.
"Oh I haven't booked anywhere, I came straight here."

Typical, total Jason move.

"That was a bit of a stupid move, I have no idea what I'm going to do here now."
"Well you're unemployed, and in a foreign country. You're a talented bass player, you've got options. We've got a lot of catching up to do."
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!JaceyNewkid!
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Holy crap you're a good angst writer lol. Excellent update, Jason was such a jerk for cheating on her! :biggrin Can't wait for an update :)
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kirkhammettismyman
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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It's a good way to get all the angst out and then have a good stress free day :tu:
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tuesday's gone
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I'm interested!

Just added this to my reading list.

I love the "ten years later" twist. It will be interesting to see how they handle all the changes that the decade brought upon them.

Oh, and great names for the kids.

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kirkhammettismyman
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I was just a name in your little black book.
[ * ]
CHAPTER 3

Jason was feeling very conflicted. He had spent the last 10 years constantly on the go, he had never taken the time to sit and think. He had never known why she had left, just that she did. And that was it. Instead of trying to figure out what had gone wrong he'd gone on a downward spiral. He'd thrown himself into touring, working, writing, playing, drinking, smoking, and girls. Lots of girls.

There were a few that became relationships but they never lasted. He couldn't commit. He didn't want to be left alone again.
It had been a fast decade, but as his fellow band mates began to settle down and start families he was beginning to feel like the odd man out. Lars was married with kids, James was married with kids, Kirk was married - no kids but pretty busy with his surfing and his horror collection.

Then there was the small matter of James being an alcoholic. His addiction to the drink made him at times difficult and at times unbearable.

And then there was the almost constant bickering between Lars and James. It was almost unbearable. They'd be constantly on each other about their creative differences. It should be this way, it should be this way, it should sound like this, it should sound like this, he should play this. And so on and so on. Doors slammed, and the yelling, the swearing, the fighting. It was draining. Kirk put up with it, he had healthy outlets in surfing and spending time with his wife. His old outlets were cocaine and numerous women. Needless to say Lani had been a positive influence.

But even though it had been uncomfortable and draining at times, Metallica had been a dream come true for Jason. He'd been such a huge fan before they'd let him join, and he'd had some great times as part of the band. Sure he didn't always agree with the decisions the Ulrich/Hetfield machine made, but for the most part he'd really enjoyed being a part of the band.
He'd loved being on stage, he'd loved the energy of the crowd, he'd loved being in the spotlight. He'd pour every ounce of his energy into each performance, come off stage and collapse into the arms of whoever was waiting. He'd always have a tiny reserve of energy for that. And for beer. And for pot.

And for 10 years he never thought about his future, or his past mistakes. Until it all ended so abruptly. He'd never seen it coming. They were just trucking along as per usual, sure their last album had been a while back, but they'd had projects in the meantime and everyone was just busy with life. He figured it would all fall into place when it was meant to. He figured the band meeting James called him to would be to swap tapes or discuss future plans. It had seemed a bit weird that it was at Kirk's house, but they were between studios. Now it made sense, neutral ground. Kirk was everyone's friend.

It had been tense from the moment he'd arrived, Lars seem agitated, James seemed ticked off, Kirk just sat in the corner and said absolutely nothing. The whole thing was a blur, James tried to gloss over some bits, talking about how they'd had good times, they seemed to be in different places, while Lars was all business, sorry but it's not working out, you won't be in the band anymore. And then James and Lars just left. Made sense, they'd come together to leave together.

"What the hell just happened?" Jason asked. Kirk looked stunned, he had known it was going to happen but it was still shocking when it did.
"Okay, I know what happened, but why?"
"It's just, I don't know, James and Lars think..."
"Yeah, I heard what they said."
"I'm sorry dude, I wish it didn't have to be like this," Kirk was genuinely sorry, he was losing a bandmate but didn't want to lose a friend as well.
"Yeah I know, I'll catch you later."

Jason couldn't stay, he had to get out of there. He ran out the door and got into his car. He had to get out. He didn't want to run out on his friend but it was all too raw.

Jason went home and hit the drink, hard. He smoked whatever he could get his hands on and sunk into a drunk, stoned, numb state. He knew he wouldn't be able to ignore what had happened forever, and soon it would hit the press and everyone would want a piece of him, but for that night he could feel nothing.

He woke up the next morning hungover. He had to get out. He knew as soon as the news hit the press everyone would want to talk to him, and the last thing he wanted to do was any sort of an interview. So he took himself back to Kirk's house. To sort himself out and figure out what had lead up to that moment where it had all gone wrong. Losing Amy.
So after some awkward chit chat about Kirk being sorry and Jason not knowing what he was going to do next, he finally got around to why he was really there.

"What happened to Amy?" Jason asked.
"She's doing fine, we stayed in contact," Kirk said, a little confused by where the conversation was going.
"You kept in contact all these years?"
"Of course, we were friends for years before, well everything that happened between the two of you, and our friendship was separate from your relationship."
Jason gave him a puzzled look.
"Boys and girls can be friends without having sex," Kirk said with a smirk.
"Yes, I know," Jason said with a grin, "that's just not as fun."
Kirk laughed, it was refreshing to see Jason smile, he was worried that he'd be angry at him. He wasn't and Kirk was relieved.
"You haven't spoken about her in like a hundred years, why bring it up now?" Kirk asked.
"I just, I don't know, have been thinking about it for a while, want to make amends?"

The fact that Kirk knew where to find her changed things, now that he knew tracking her down was possible he had to speak to her. He had to figure this all out. Or at least think of anything other than his new state of unemployment.
"Do you want her number?" Kirk finally asked. Jason thought he'd never offer.
"Yes, where is she?" He spat out, perhaps a little to eagerly.
And then Kirk handed over the details, and with that Jason left. The address meant he could be far away from prying eyes. He had no idea what he was going to say or what he was expecting to happen, but the idea of getting away and finding out where he had gone wrong meant he could focus on something else, anything else.

So he got on a plane and got on his way, going over 4 years of an intense relationship over and over again as he went. He had no plans, and no idea what he was going to do when he got there. Just getting there was the first step. After that, who knew. He had spent the last 10 years playing bass, drinking, smoking pot and getting with any girl who threw herself his way. He'd never stopped to think about her and why she left.

He never forgot that night, and he had tried. He had tried so hard to forget the night she left, and everything before that. He'd never forgotten her because he hadn't loved anyone since her.

He got off the plane and straight into a taxi, well after customs and all that business, straight into a taxi and handed the driver the address. He had no luggage, nothing, he had no idea why he was going there or what he was going to say. He just had to see her and talk to her. Maybe he could rewind the last decade, go back and make things better.

And so he turned up on her doorstep. Unaware of anything she had gone through. Needing her to fix all his problems and he had no idea if she could, or if she would even want to see him. For the last 10 years he had only thought of himself.

And he got a total reality check. But now what? He now knew why she left, but where to from there? He sat in her dining room, so glad to be there and to see her again, all while wishing he could simply disappear.
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!JaceyNewkid!
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Naww poor Jace. I hope Amy forgives him. More! :P

Btw you're welcome for the siggie, thanks for using it ^^
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kirkhammettismyman
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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!JaceyNewkid!
October 24, 2012, 7:39 am
Naww poor Jace. I hope Amy forgives him. More! :P

Btw you're welcome for the siggie, thanks for using it ^^
Thanks for making it for me, I love it! :biggrin
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kirkhammettismyman
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I was just a name in your little black book.
[ * ]
CHAPTER 4
It was a party, a big one, one of the biggest that Amy had been to in a long time. Since Cliff's death no one had really felt like celebrating, but with the new bassist on board and everyone toasting the success of Master of Puppets, Kirk had decided the time was right. Time for a party.

The whole crew was there, the band, their roadies, their entourage, girlfriends, friends, tag alongs, friends of friends. It was wall to wall people. Amy and Kirk sat in the kitchen. She had big permed hair, and he had big curly hair too, although all his curls were natural. They smiled, they laughed, the joked, they drank.

Amy and Kirk had been friends since he was playing with Exodus in bars and she was a bar tender slipping him free drinks. They'd kissed once at a New Years party at midnight back in 1984 when they were both single and a little lonely. But that had to have been the most awkward kiss known to man because right after they had the "you're like a brother/sister to me talk" and that was the end of it. No matter how big Metallica got, Amy still treated Kirk the same and their friendship never changed. They still had their inside jokes, they finished each others sentences, and just one look could be enough to tell the entire story.

They sat either side of the kitchen bench with a beer each, laughing and joking.

"So, this new bass player, am I ever going to meet him or are you keeping him a secret from me?" Amy smiled.
"He's not your type," Kirk teased.
Truth was having a friend like Kirk did sometimes make finding a boyfriend hard, most of them were starstruck by her having such a famous friend, the others questioned the nature of their friendship and after a while the jealousy would lead to an end of any relationship.

"That's not what I meant Kirk, I'm not some sort of animal, I can control myself," Amy said.
"Sure you can, like when you threw yourself at me at that party..."
"That was 2 years ago, let it go, and you threw yourself at me," Amy said with a wink.

Just then a big cheer came from the living room, followed by someone yelling something about someone arriving, the person yelling was drunk, it was all a bit muddled.
"Looks like he's here so you get your wish, wait here, I'll get him."

Kirk walked into the living room and Amy could hear lots of yelling, laughing, something that sounded like someone falling over, more laughing, and then Kirk returned with someone that Amy had never met before but recognized.

But he was more handsome in person, when he wasn't being "metal" and when he wasn't putting up a front, he was just, well a normal guy. Long curls, such a strong jaw line, he was certainly a "manly man" but he also had a softness about him, he was genuine, happy to be there.

Of course she had told Kirk she wasn't interested in anything, but just like Kirk loved her like a brother loves his sister, he teased her like a brother teases his sister.
"Jason, this is my oldest and dearest friend Amy," Kirk said introducing the two of them, "I have to go and add more ice to the bathtub, you two place nice."

Kirk shot Amy a very obvious, I know what you're thinking look and walked away. He could read her like a wide open book.

"Why don't you sit down," Amy said pointing to Kirk's now empty bar stool.
"Cool, thanks," Jason said.
Amy felt nervous, her palms were sweaty and she had butterflies in her stomach. She hadn't felt like this about anyone since high school. She went to speak but it felt like her mouth was full of cotton wool.

Stop staring, must speak, must say something intelligent and witty and...
"Cool party."
Damn.
"Yeah, biggest one I've been to here," Jason looked nervous too. He was fiddling with his paper cup switching it from hand to hand. He hardly made eye contact with her.
"So, you're friends with Kirk then?" he asked.
"Oh yeah, since he was a nobody and I was just another bar tender, now he's a famous guy and I'm still a bar tender," she said with a giggle. He smiled, breaking the tension, slowly, slowly.
"Yeah, Kirk's a pretty cool guy," Jason said.
"Just don't ask him about his toy collection unless you want to hear about little horror movie figurines for the remainder of the day," Amy said as she relaxed into the conversation.
"Okay, I won't," Jason was really enjoying her company.
"They're all pretty cool guys, James and Lars put up a rockstar front but they're good guys," Amy said.
"Yeah they seem pretty cool," Jason said, though Amy was convinced.
"They'll warm up to you, it might just take a while," Amy said trying to reassure him.

The party roared on around them, but they were in their own little bubble. They drank and chatted and laughed and she blushed. And he liked that. Eventually the party go so loud they could barely hear themselves think so they went out to the backyard to sit on the deck chairs. Inside the party raged on while outside they talked about everything and anything.
Amy felt really relaxed and at ease in his presence, the initial nerves were gone and now she just felt this wave of happiness engulfing her. He brushed her hand with his and it was like pins and needles ran up her hand, goose bumps. It was amazing. She hadn't felt like that about anyone before, least of all someone she just met. They just clicked, they connected. He smiled at her and her knees were weak. It was amazing.

They talked so long that all of a sudden the sun was rising. Jason looked up, then looked at his watch.
"We've been talking all night!" He said with a start.
"Oh my, how did that happen?" Amy said, more than a little surprised.
"I'm really sorry but I've got to go, I've got some stuff to do today," he said, he was really feeling disappointed to have to leave, he'd had a great evening.
"Oh, okay," Amy was disappointed too.

He stood up, leant over and kissed her. And she kissed him back. It was the most amazing first kiss of her life. His lips were warm and inviting, she was nervous but excited. His hand touched hers and then his hands cupped her face, gently. They stopped and he backed away.
"So I'll see you then?"
Shell shocked she nodded. And he walked away. Paralysed in her place, she didn't move as she processed what had just happened. She thought she'd never be able to stand again her knees were so weak.

"Well, well, well, and you told me you weren't interested in 'that sort of thing,'" a voice teased her from the door.
"OH GOD! YOU SAW?" Amy exclaimed, feeling incredibly embarrassed.
"Nah, but the look on your face right now and the fact that he spent the entire party with you tells it all," he teased, "so did you go "all the way" on my deck chairs?"
"No! We just kissed one time. He's a nice guy."
"You like him."
"Shut up Hamster."
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kirkhammettismyman
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I was just a name in your little black book.
[ * ]
CHAPTER 5
They sat across from each other, both of their heads swimming through the years of history, and baggage, that lay between them. Neither knowing quite what to say or what to do. They both felt awkward and uncomfortable.

Jason's mind was going a mile a minute. He was feeling so conflicted. Guilt for his mistakes, anger at how they'd left things, unsure about his future, nervous about what he'd do without the band, jetlagged, frustrated, and annoyed at himself. What had he expected to get from this trip? You need to leave now, he kept telling himself, go, and go now. But he was glued to his seat, his legs were made of lead, he couldn't move. What to do, what to do, what to do.

Around and around his head went, he wanted to leave but he couldn't move, he wanted to stay but he couldn't speak. Around and around his head went. He looked up to meet her gaze.

Say something Newsted, she's looking at you, she wants you to say something.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. She looked at him puzzled.

"I'm sorry that I cheated, I'm sorry that I slept around, I'm sorry that I didn't treat you with the respect you deserved, you were the perfect girlfriend and I wasn't the boyfriend you deserved."
"I wasn't perfect, I made my fair share of mistakes," Amy replied.
"Look I'm not going to say that the way you handled our break up was in the most mature fashion," Jason began, "but I deserved it."
"It was a long time ago, we were both kids, I'm sorry too," she said with a smile, gently placing her hand on top of his. He breathed a sigh of relief, a decade old weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"I should have tracked you down sooner, maybe then things would be different," Jason pondered.
"No, don't live your life in the past! We all make mistakes, not every relationship ends up happily ever after," Amy said.
"That's what Kirk says too," Jason said with a smile, no wonder those two had been friends they were so much alike. He smiled at her, he was beginning to feel more relaxed in her presence. She smiled back at him, the awkwardness melting away. It felt good to have it all out in the open, now it just felt like old friends.

"We have so much to catch up on," Jason said eagerly, now that all the difficult stuff was out of the way he really did want to hear what she had been up to. She had been off living a life while he had been doing his thing with Metallica.

"I guess we do," she replied, the mood between them had warmed. He felt calm and comforted by her presence, the worries of his booting from the band seemed to drift away as he turned his mind to other things. Distraction, the perfect medicine, and just what he needed, though sooner or later he'd have to face the reality of his situation.

Amy suggested they move into the living room, it felt so formal sitting across from each other at the table. She sat with her legs crossed and cupped her mug of rum and cola in her hands. He seemed cramped on her small couch, she'd forgotten just how tall he was.

She smiled at him, and apologized that her house wasn't really designed for "big people."
"Big people?" he laughed.
"You know, people over the age of 5," she laughed back.
"So, what do you do?" Jason asked.
"I own a bar."
"No longer the bar tender, now you own the joint," Jason said with a smile.
"Something like that."
"That must be hard to manage with the boys," Jason mused.
"It is, but somehow we make it work, it was a lot easier when Trent was around..."
Amy began but she didn't want to continue, she didn't want to reopen her wounds especially in front of someone who had always made her feel so vulnerable. She just hoped that Jason wouldn't press her to talk about him, and he didn't. She wasn't ready, not quite yet.

"So what are your plans now?" she quickly changed the topic.
"Well I've had a few side projects going for a while now, and I'll keep them going, I just don't know if they're enough to fill my time like Metallica did, know what I mean?"
She nodded, she knew what he meant.
"Maybe some time off would be good, you guys have been touring pretty intensely, a break might be a good thing," she gently suggested. She knew how he didn't like to feel pressured or pushed into things.
"Yeah, hadn't thought about that, maybe a holiday would do me some good," Jason was finally thinking clearly, without the emotion and worry that had hung over him following his "dumping" he was no longer feeling like it was all doom and gloom. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad.

"You don't have to make any decisions right away," Amy assured him.
"But there will be questions..."
"Just tell them what you told me, you've had a couple of projects going on the side for a while now, tell them you will finally be able to put more energy into your own stuff and that you're looking forward to taking a break from touring for a little while to have a holiday."
"Sounds better than what I had."
"What did you have?"
"I am going to drink and smoke a whole lot of pot until I figure something out..."
"Yeah, go with what I said, you don't want your parents reading the truth," she said with a wink, and he laughed.
His laugh was so refreshing, she felt the stress slip from her shoulders as she relaxed and laughed with him. When she'd begun that conversation with him she'd worried it would have been all dark and angsty, but now it felt kind of fun, like two old friends catching up and having a laugh. But she was guarded, she wouldn't allow herself to be hurt by him again. She may have forgiven, but she surely hadn't forgotten, not yet.

The phone rang from the kitchen, she excused herself to go and get it, she knew who it would be and she had to take the call.
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kirkhammettismyman
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I was just a name in your little black book.
[ * ]
Must MUST update this tomorrow.
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kirkhammettismyman
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I was just a name in your little black book.
[ * ]
CHAPTER 6

She picked up the phone and just as she expected, it was Kirk.
"Got anything to say for yourself Hammett?" she quipped. He stammered on the other end of the line before muttering something that sounded like an apology.
"It's alright Kirk, he arrived in one piece although not in the best state I must say, what on earth did you let him do to his hair?" Amy joked.
"He's a big boy, he can look after his own appearance," Kirk said with a giggle.
"Clearly not."
"Alright, well don't be too hard on him, he's had a pretty rough trip."
"So I hear."
"Tell him I said..."
"Sorry for being a jerk?"
"Yeah that."
"It's the middle of the night there isn't it?"
"Yeah it's pretty late."
"Go to bed."
"Yes mum."
"Ring you tomorrow, kay?"
"Normal time?"
"Yeah."
"Bye."

She went back out into the living room and sat down on the couch across from Jason. He seemed really awkward, like maybe he'd heard something he shouldn't. He kept touching his hair and Amy giggled.
"It's not that bad, I was just joking," she said while trying to hide a grin.
"You know you've mentioned it twice now," he said, still self-consciously touching his hair.
"Anyway, pretty safe to say Kirk feels like shit about the whole thing," Amy said quickly changing the subject. Jason nodded.
"Yeah, I knew he would, but it's not his fault, and my beef isn't with him."
"He knows, doesn't stop him feeling like an asshole though, but you know those guys."
"Yeah I do," Jason said, he was very serious. Amy knew that look, clearly he wasn't ready to talk about it, not yet at least.
"Anyway," she said, changing the topic yet again, "how's the family, how's everyone back home?"
"Oh you know, same same, hasn't Kirk filled you in on everything?"
"Not really, we don't really talk about you. We haven't spoken about you in a long time really."

And that was the truth, Kirk and Amy hadn't spoken about Jason in a long time because there was nothing left to say. Kirk would ring and tell stories of the road, Amy would ring and relay messages from the homemaking front. Both were deeply interested in the stories the other had to tell because their worlds were so incredibly different from each other. Kirk and Amy had genuine interests in each other's lives, their friendship meant they could talk about anything literally for hours, and whenever he was in town on tour or a holiday they picked up like life had never moved them so far from each other. Best friends, through it all.

And Kirk had been there when Amy's husband died, he had held her while she cried, held her hand at the funeral, he had been there in person, and then when he had to return home he had been available on the phone any time, day or night.

Amy was truly amazed that Jason didn't know any of that. But Kirk did have a way of keeping his private and professional lives as separate as he wanted to. It had worked well for him so far. All in all, Kirk was a good friend.

"How come you haven't been around?" Jason asked.
"What do you mean, 'haven't been around?'" Amy asked. Their drinks were empty again, but she'd run out of coke. Beer would have to do. She took two from the bar fridge and handed them to him with the bottle opener.
"You know," he said popping one open and handing it to her, "why haven't I seen you around?"
"I go back from time to time, but it's a different scene for me. I hang out with friends and do touristy things with the kids. You get blotto and fuck groupies."
Jason spat his beer a little at her last remark. It was true though.
"I guess I never really grew up did I?" he said wiping his chin.
"You never really had to," she replied. Suddenly there was a sadness in her eyes.
"You had to though," Jason said, trying to be sensitive of what could be a very delicate subject.
"He was a great man, great husband, great father. I never wanted to have kids until I met him," she mused, "but he was different. Once I was with him I couldn't imagine NOT having a family. I don't know. When he died I felt like my heart had been ripped out through my throat. It was the worst pain I've ever felt."
She stopped and looked at him and instantly felt uncomfortable.
"You don't want to hear about this," she said taking a sip of her beer.
"No it's fine," Jason replied, reassuring her.
"No, it's not, you don't want to hear me talking up some other guy after we've just talked about how crummy our relationship was."
And that was true, it was hard to hear about how well someone else had treated her after he had apparently done a really bad job of it. But more than that it was hard to hear about her loss, and not knowing what to say. Or if there was anything really to say. Nothing could make it any better and it would sound wrong coming from him, especially as he'd just walked back into her life.
"I'm sorry," was all he could manage.
"Don't be, it's just hard to talk about," she said with a brave smile and a nod, "besides you weren't to know."
He placed his hand on her knee and gave her a sincere smile. She appreciated it.

"Oh god it's getting towards that time, are you hungry?"
Amy, master of changing the subject.
"Sure, but neither of us can drive anywhere after the amount we've had to drink."
It was true, they were both well above the legal limit.
"Order in, you still a pizza guy?"
"Sure, let's get a pizza."

Amy reached for the cordless phone and punched in the number. She ordered their food while Jason sat there watching her and thinking. What had he been thinking? Why had he let her go? She was amazing. And there he was, nothing but the clothes on his back, arriving on her doorstep. But of course she had her own life now. Of course life had moved her in a different direction. What had he been expecting , that she would open the door and throw herself at him after waiting for him for so many years?

Well that would have been nice.

She was talking again but he had no idea what about. All he could hear was her laugh. All he could see was her lips.

But he had to remain completely in control. She had moved on, so friends was all he could hope for. Friends, Newsted. Just friends.
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