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| The Unnamed Feeling; Slash, Klars, St Anger era, language, romance/angst | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: October 17, 2012, 1:26 am (552 Views) | |
| kirkhammettismyman | October 17, 2012, 1:26 am Post #1 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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**This is my first slash fic ever, eek!** Lars turned up at the studio. He had no idea why, with James away at rehab and no bass player it was pretty unlikely that they'd do any work, no impossible. Who was there to do anything? Even Bob had gone on holiday. Hawaii, Cancoon, Sydney, a beach somewhere. To get away. All this therapy was turning them into soft touchy feely, women. It was a ghostly relic. They'd been working on an album and then James was gone leaving a great big mess behind. And he'd have to clean it up, as per usual. He locked his car and made his way inside, maybe he'd just stuff around on the drums for a while, listen to some tapes or something. At least the camera crew weren't following him around. God they were getting annoying. Lars felt frustrated. Pissed off. Angry. Nothing was going his way. He walked down the corridor. He heard a faint sound, guitar, sweeping down the hallway, beckoning him forward. He knew who that was, only one person in the world played like that. Kirk. Truth be told it was pretty difficult and uncomfortable for Lars to be alone with Kirk. Being who they were they were very rarely alone, and if they were it was doing something together in a public place. Lars avoided being alone with Kirk. If suddenly everyone started leaving a party Kirk's house well Lars would make an excuse and leave too. It was too hard since Kirk had gotten married. Just too hard. In his right mind he knew he should leave. He should have just turned on his heels and walked. But he didn't want to. Something in him made him want to stay. Suddenly he found himself standing in front of Kirk, who was completely oblivious to his presence. Sweat dripped through his long black curls and glistened against his shirtless chest. His held his mouth slightly open as he concerntrated on the riff he was working on, he'd work the 16 bars, bite his bottom lip as he went over it in his head, and then start again. His long fingers gripping his Sandman guitar as he tapped the beat with his feet, bare against the rug on concrete floor. Say something, say something, say something Lars said as he stood there watching him. "Fuck man, I didn't see you there!" Kirk said with a start as he looked up to see Lars there. "Sorry I was..." Lars said mummbling as he trailed off. The hairs were standing up on the back of his neck, his palms sweaty, his breath short and shallow as he tried to wreck his brain thinking just when was the last time they were alone. When, when. 1997. Right before Kirk told Lani everything. "Oh no problem, just didn't expect to see you today," Kirk said with a smile. He patted the spot next to him on the bench he was sitting on, gesturing for Lars to sit down. He did. Why not, what was the harm in sitting next to each other. Lars couldn't remember the last time he had been so close to Kirk without a camera in his face. Gone was the aftershave and alcohol that he use to smell like, now he smelt like saltwater and sweat. He good feel himself getting all warm and fuzzy. He hated the way that man made him feel. "I didn't see your car out front?" Lars asked. "Lani dropped me off, she has some stuff to do today so we decided to only take one car." Those words grated on Lars like sandpaper, her name, she, and most of all we. Once again he would have used the word we to describe them, what they were doing, their relationship. Was it even a relationship? They'd never talked about it, they'd just had a lot of fun together, spent time together, and the way they made each other feel... But Kirk loved Lani, that's why he told her all of it, why they had never been alone since, and why Lani gave Lars dirty looks at every opportunity. She would not be happy that Lars had turned up, of course Kirk would be oblivious to what the big deal was. Lani was furious that Kirk couldn't just cut ties with him but she knew it wasn't that easy and that being in a band with Lars meant they'd always see each other. It was the roof over her head and the clothes on her back, and that made her feel so dirty. And she hated that she could tell no one. Kirk brushed his hand against Lars's arm as he reached over for his water. The simple touch took his breath away and sent chills up his spine. Get it together Lars, get it together! he told himself. Just be cool. "I'm sorry, am I making you uncomfortabe?" Kirk asked. He could still read Lars like a book. "No it's fine, it's totally fine, I'm just a little surprised to see you." "Same," Kirk replied with a smile. In stark contrast to the awkwardness and discomfort that Lars was feeling, Kirk was cool, calm and collected. In fact, Kirk seemed pleasantly surprised to see him rather than shocked like Lars was. "So what are you working on?" Lars asked, desperate to make some small talk. "Oh just a riff/solo thing," Kirk said. "For the album?" Kirk shuffled his feet and fiddled with his guitar strap, avoiding giving an answer. So Kirk was the quiet type, that much was true, but he was never too shy to talk about his music, least of all to someone else in the band. "So... not for the album then?" Lars questioned. He was confused, what else could it be? Lars really had a way of getting Kirk to give him an answer. He gave him the look, the one that said tell me. His brow furrowed, his finger pushing into his bottom lip, his eyes stern. Tell Me Hammet, he thought. Willing him to speak. He could see Kirk sqwirming in his seat, shifting ever so slightly from side to side and fidgetting with his guitar strap as Lars bore into him with that look. Cutting through him like a laser without even so much as a word. Finally, he broke. "It's for the Echobrain album," Kirk said quietly. Part of him hoping that the words would simply slip by unheard, but they weren't. Lars sat there mouthing words unable to come up with anything audioable for a few moments. He was floored, it was like the bottom had fallen out of his stomach. He could hardly believe his ears. They'd been to see Jason play with Echobrain and yeah they were pretty cool, but this, now, Kirk, his album. As he went over in his head he could feel himself heating up with red hot rage. Kirk could sense the change, he knew Lars well, they'd known each other since before they were anyone. Kirk was trying to think of what to say next to try and diffuse the situation. "WHAT?" Lars exclaimed jumping up to his feet. He could hardly believe his ears, "are you jumping ship too? Jason left, then James goes to rehab and now you're practising something for HIS album? Is this it?" There was a desperation and a need in his voice. This wasn't about just about the band, this was about Lars and his fear of being left alone. He put on the macho front, but deep down he was so afraid that one day everyone would just up and leave him. Jason had left and that had thrown him, James had gone away and that had left him feeling fragile. Was Kirk leaving him too? "Chill the fuck out. It's a guest spot. One song. I'm bored waiting around for everyone to get their shit together. Jase rang, he asked, and I said yes, not that it's any of your business," Kirk didn't like the assumption, Lars was jumping to conclusions. "You want me to chill the fuck out? Everyone is fuckin' leaving!" He was stressing out, angry, pissed off. Was he just going to slink out and that'd be the last nail in the coffin for Metallica? "I'm not leaving Lars," Kirk said, he was still jumping to conclusions without even bothering to ask for the full story. Typical Lars move. "Oh fuck off, you left me back in fuckin' 97. You left me when you chose to get married. You left me when-" "Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? Mr wife and kids Ulrich wants to talk? I'm sorry I didn't want to go behind the back of the woman I was in love with, I'm sorry I wanted to marry my fiance with a clean slate," Kirk was shocked and angry. So this really wasn't about the Echobrain thing at all. But this conversation had probably been a long time coming. Years even. There was baggage between them. Nothing had ever been said and emotions had stewed in the silence. "What do you mean was in love with?" Lars questioned Kirk's choice of words. "It's complicated," Kirk shot back. "What does that mean?" Lars probed. "That means it's none of your business," Kirk said, shutting down that line of questioning. No one said anything for what felt like an age. They just looked at each other. Both feeling bitter and hurt. "Why do you even care, you haven't talked to me in years?" Kirk questioned. "We talk like every day," Lars defended himself. "No, you talk Metallica to me, got any riffs, heard from James today, when's he coming back, okay see ya, with a few fucks thrown in, that's it," Kirk said. He hated the way Lars did that, no how are you, what have you been doing, no want to catch up, it was all business. "Oh yeah, I don't know, it's just hard for me to talk to you, or be around you, it makes me feel all uncomfortable," Lars muttered. Lars didn't even realise he did that, it was instinct, he was protecting himself. Keeping it business and avoiding the personal meant he could protect himself from being hurt. He knew that asking about Kirk's personal life probably meant having to hear, well, about his life, and that was his wife. Lars didn't even realise he had stopped talking, standing there alone in his thoughts. "I always thought we were a big mistake," Kirk said under his breath. "What? Why?" Lars sat down next to him again. He could see that Kirk was getting frustrated and desperately didn't want him to leave just yet. "This, this is why, it was never going to end well, we had fun for a while and now I want to move on and be friends and you can't," Kirk didn't want to do the break up talk, even though it had been years since they'd last been anything more than bandmates. He never did the break up talk, even when he divorced his first wife he was all business. He was cold and closed off. He thought that he and Lars were fine, that this wasn't going to be a big thing. It wasn't to start with. A few kisses, some sitting on each others laps, a few drunken night. Kirk smirked a little as he thought about it, but quickly stopped himself as he remembered the seriousness of the conversation. "What are you talking about, we're friends," Lars said, he didn't even believe it himself. That got Kirk's attention, he'd almost forgot that no one had been talking. As frustrated as Kirk was by the conversation, he looked at Lars and saw his pain. Fuck. What had he done to him? They'd been friends for so long, and then all that stuff happened, and then there was nothing. "Maybe we should talk about this in therapy?" Kirk suggested. "No, absolutely not, no one else knows about this except Lani, that's how it stays," Lars was adamant. "You never told Skylar?" Kirk was shocked. "No," Lars objected. Kirk was a little taken aback, but not surprised. "Well what do you want to do about all this?" Kirk asked, "because I still want to be in a band with you when James gets back." That was the truth, he did want to be in a band with Lars, and he wanted to get to a place where they could be friends again. "Do you, I thought you wanted to be in Echobrain," Lars taunted. He couldn't help himself. "Oh fuck off, I'm not playing that game Lars," Kirk said, he stood up to start packing his shit to leave. He didn't need that. He knew that was who Lars was, but James was usually his verbal punching bag and he wasn't taking that role up while he was gone. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Lars quickly apologized knowing he was wrong as soon as he heard himself say it, "I've never been friends with a-" "Ex?" Kirk said, hand on his hip and looking fed up. "Yeah." "I'm not your ex Lars, we didn't have a relationship," Kirk said quickly while continuing to pack his stuff up. "But." Lars couldn't speak, he was hurt. Again he had that bottom fell out of his stomach feeling, although this time it wasn't from anger. His whole idea of what they had been was crashing down around him. "We had some fun a couple of times that we probably shouldn't have, kissed a few times in front of some cameras for a laugh, that's it," Kirk said, trying to explain himself. Lars looked like he could have been bowled over with a feather. "You said you loved me," he whispered. "I was high on coke, I loved you, I loved the roadies, I loved everyone, far out," Kirk could hardly believe his ears. Love? It was sex, drug fuelled, drunk, a handful of times sex. In hotels, on the road, after the groupies left and everyone else passed out. How they never got caught was the big mystery, but did Lars really think it had been more? Kirk put his shirt back on, he didn't know why he hadn't done that sooner. He went into the other room to put his guitar away and came back to see that Lars hadn't moved at all. He looked really down, disappointed, shattered. "Oh dude, I didn't mean it like that, I'm really sorry," he tried. Fuck. Lars DID think it had been more, and now he was really hurt. "No it's fine," Lars didn't mean that. He wasn't fine. He was heart broken. He felt cold, empty, gutted. "Look, I've got to go," Kirk had to get out of there. "Maybe we should talk about this in therapy?" Lars questioned, it sounded stupid as soon as drug he said it. "If you want, but no cameras, no Bob, different therapist," Kirk had no idea if it would do any good but hell, it had to get better than tis. "That sounds like a better plan, I should get home and talk to my wife or something, will we be okay?" Lars asked. All he wanted was some sort of normal again. To go back and erase the whole damn thing. "Sure, it just won't be right away." "Okay." Edited by kirkhammettismyman, October 17, 2012, 11:34 pm.
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| Isis | October 17, 2012, 5:31 pm Post #2 |
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TEA + CUDDLES
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omg. This is really good for a first slash fic. Like, REALLY good. Here's me being nitpicky: I wish you had separated the dialogue a little at the end, so it wasn't running together. There was also a slight change in POV. That's it. The dialogue was sound, very good, and I love the angsty premise. Hell, I love the angst. HELL, it's fucking REFRESHING reading a Kirk/Lars fic that isn't straight up smut or fluff. You nailed it. Seriously. You fucking nailed it, and I'm astounded this does not have enough comments or views yet. Well done! I'd love to see more of your work in the future, for any slash pairing. My opinion: feel free to continue if you want, but I really like this as a one-shot. It tells itself. There's a potential for more here, but it's good the way it ends. |
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| kirkhammettismyman | October 17, 2012, 5:44 pm Post #3 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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Thanks I really appreicate the feedback. This was intended as a one of and will stay a one off, I can't think of anything to add to it that won't remove it from what it is, it's kind of said everything it needs to say if you know what I mean?Thanks again for your feedback, I'll give the last paragraph a look over when I've got some free time this afternoon.
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| Jungleland | October 17, 2012, 5:55 pm Post #4 |
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HUG PEOPLE
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You hit one of my favorite kinks: jealous Lars. Even better, jealous Lars because the other is married. I've always thought Kirk/Lars couldn't be a fully happy pairing. So that was pretty good. To add to what Trin said, I think it's too bad the second part of the fic was almost just straight up dialogue. Your descriptions are more than fine. But this remains a good first fic. Go write more
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| kirkhammettismyman | October 17, 2012, 6:18 pm Post #5 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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I think I'll give the second dialogue heavy part a rewrite this evening, thanks for the feedback, you're both right. I think I just wanted to get it all out that I forgot to describe what they were doing not just what they were saying. |
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| kirkhammettismyman | October 17, 2012, 11:31 pm Post #6 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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Does that read better? |
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| Isis | October 17, 2012, 11:35 pm Post #7 |
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TEA + CUDDLES
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Description is fucking hard, lol. I mean, you don't want to describe every little detail, just the details that accentuate and matter. You don't want to border into the purple prose. Anyway, what you added there is better! Gives it a little more meat. I personally don't mind lots of dialogue. Good dialogue can carry the story itself, and you just throw the descriptions here and there where it matters. But you added some stuff, and it's good. Nice work! Tuck the story away, and go write a new one now.
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| kirkhammettismyman | October 17, 2012, 11:41 pm Post #8 |
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I was just a name in your little black book.
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Had to remind myself that it wasn't War and Peace, just a quick slash piece
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| NothingElseMatters | October 18, 2012, 12:21 am Post #9 |
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Destination: Koolzville
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This is amazing!!! Seriously loving it Oh Klars... ![]() By the way, the description of Kirk playing, sweat in his curls, mouth slightly open - I could totally picture it. Well done!
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| !JaceyNewkid! | October 18, 2012, 5:32 am Post #10 |
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Outlaw Torn
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Wow I began reading this and couldn't stop, I got to the end and was like 'what?! No more?' Lol I want to know what would happen next but I guess keeping it like this sparks the imagination of what would happen excellent job for a first slash fic
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I really appreicate the feedback. This was intended as a one of and will stay a one off, I can't think of anything to add to it that won't remove it from what it is, it's kind of said everything it needs to say if you know what I mean?
Oh Klars... 

8:48 PM Jul 10