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| Her Name Was Ellie | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: January 1, 2013, 6:44 pm (2,182 Views) | |
| Sol | January 1, 2013, 6:44 pm Post #1 |
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Frantic
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Hi! I'm Solene. I just wanted to say that I write a lot and I decided to post some of my ideas here. As English isn't my native language, ( I'm French ^^) it may have mistakes so I already apologize about this. Anyways, I'm a little nervous about your reactions, guys. Hope you will enjoy it! -------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter One February 19th , 1983. San Francisco. James remembered when their lives were mad, on love alone. When he first met her, a year ago, he instantly knew she was the one that could make him feel more alive than ever before. She had these big deep green eyes, this long blond hair that was falling at the button of her back, those long and thin legs like he liked in the magazines, and these lips that were driving him insane. She was like a dream and her name was the most beautiful word he had ever heard. Lily. How could he have had her? He loved when when she was waiting for him backstage, during the interlude of their gigs, hardly breathing as he gently pushed her against the wall but always grinning. God, he would have died for her to moan and whisper his name, again and again. To feel her breath in his neck, to make her cry out, to let her run her delicate hands in his messy mane. " Oh, James... " She purred to his ears. To have her all for him. It was a wonderful feeling, knowing he was loved by such a beauty. He also loved how she could fit into his band, joking or seriously speaking with every single one of them, how she could drink with them, becoming the start of some silly games between them. He loved her since, at the end of the day, she was the one he could call when he felt lonely, the one that cheered him up while he was suffering. He remembered when they really understood each other. When he could feel weak in her arms without no shame, when he could even weep for all the sorrow he was keeping within himself. She was there. Always. She turned him into another man. And, while she was uneasy, scared or anxious about their future, he was there for her too. What the hell happened since those days? Where did all that time go? Perhaps he was to blind to see her true colors. He knew he wasn't always fair with her. He even treated her pretty badly. A understatement. How could he have been so stupid? The answer was he did not know. He was just acting, with too much booze in his blood, too many girls on his road. He wasn't thinking of her. At all. He didn't even know what was genuinely going on. But it just felt great at the time... " James, are you listenning or what? " a familiar voice echoed to his ears, breaking his peaceful dream into a million pieces, causing the youngster to slowly open his eyes, still half asleep. During a few seconds, he wished he could take another nap, squeeze his eyes shut again and sleep on the sofa. Seattle was way too far from San Francisco. God, he was exhausted and had a bad headache. Straightening up on the couch, he said his auto-pilot-boyfriend-responses. " What, honey? " But, Lily's flashing eyes informed him she was angry. " God, James! " She cursed, preparing her handbag for a outing. " Why can't you listen sometimes? " " Sorry for sleeping 'cause I travelled nearly 700 miles in a day! " " You know what? You piss me off! It's not you who have to wake up at night because she's crying all the time and whatever you try to make her calm down she's yelling like a like a little monster! It's not you that have to change her diapers, to feed her, to make sure everything is okay for her, to worry about her! Oh god, I even wonder if she really is your daughter! You act just like a stranger. You come here after some gigs, fall asleep on the couch and stay there, drinking and watching TV as you were meant to be doing this! " Lily shouted, stopping everything she was doing to quickly glance at her boyfriend. He had this cute confused face he made that used to make her laugh. But, it didn't work this time. She replaced a strand of her hair that was going into her eyes behind her ears, still furious. And he had not found anything to relax her. He was not there for her nor for the baby that much anymore. Why the hell had things to change so much? They were no longer like they used to be before Lily's pregnancy. From free and outgoing, she became careful and disciplined. " Oh, James. " She went on, her voice suddenly low, now next to the door and about to swung it open. " I've learned for your 'tub tarts', is that how you call ' ten naked girls in a shower with the band'? " Oh shit... He was definitely too young to be in a serious relationship. The blond girl slammed the door and he quickly got up, attempting to fix what he made wrong. " Lily! " James called her, following his baby's mother on the driveway. " Wait! " The girl stopped, turned around to face him, tears streaming down her cheeks. He was so fucking stupid. How could he have managed to make her weep? He came closer to her, softly wiping her teardrops away with his thumb. " I'm sorry, Lily. I really am. I love you. " James affirmed, feeling guilt filling his body, pullling his girlfriend close to him. " I promise I won't do anything like that again. " " You already said that. Twice. " " It's not the same thing... " " Yes, it is. You've cheated on me. You made me feel like a stupid groupie who got pregnant by a fucking 'rockstar' that only wanted to have fun. Is that what you call 'really love me' because I doubt it. No, James, you don't love me anymore. Stop lying. " " You're totally wrong, babe. " She shyly pushed him away and looked down at her shoes, her hands trembling like never before. She held back another sob but James lifted her head up so that he could see her face. She glanced away from his sad blue eyes. " You know what the worse thing in this? It's that I don't love you anymore either. I've tried, the first time you did these things, with all my heart to love you again. To forgive you. Because I was pregnant and I didn't want our daughter to grow up without you. But, now, I can't stand this anymore... " " Don't leave me, Lily. " James almost begged, for the first time " I can't. I'm sorry but this is crazyness! You never paid attention to your daughter. Plus, you're always with your friends,acting like a kid. What can I do to make you react? " " Don't... " " You don't understand a thing, do you? I'm sure you didn't noticed how much Ellie was looking like you. It hurts me when I'm looking at her since you're missing almost everything in her life. She's just like a mini-you, cute and beautiful, but you've wasted everything. You said you'd never do this beside what happened with your dad but you're following his path. I love her so much and, at the same time, I hate what I've become because of her. I'm so weak now. " " Don't say that. " " I'm leaving, no matter what you do, James. I leave now. I.... just want to be alone. " " No, Ellie needs her mom and her dad. You said we were going to be a family... " James croaked, his heart pounding loudly in his chest and his throat suddenly very dry. " Why the fuck did I believe that could be possible? " Lily said, crying again, still looking at him with sorrow. She was desesperate, heartbroken and ashamed. Why did he have to make things even more complicated than they already were? " You were completely drunk when I joked about that! " " But... " " I was wrong, James. Since the beginning. " Lily mumbled before walking away from him. James stood there, staring at her as she was a total brat. He was confused. What an understatement! He was completely lost. Thoughts were coming in his head like echos. He wanted to bring her back to the time they were happy. No cheating thing, no baby. Just the two of them. He wanted to cacht her to make her stay. But, he stood still. Cries emanating from the house startled him out of his daydream. " Yeah! " he shouted, more to brace himself not to feel like crying rather than something else. " I'm coming, sweatheart! " *** " God, Ellie! How can you do that? " James laughed as he was trying to change his daughter's diaper, his feelings mixed with disgust and fear. Parenting was a lot more difficult without Lily to help him out. He didn't even know what exactly he was doing. He couldn't have been out that much, could he? He never saw his daughter eating or sleeping. What life was he living all that time? The little girl softly laughed as he tickled her small belly and he grinned. Lily was right, she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. These big deep blue eyes wide open staring at him as if he were the sun, these plump cheeks, these tiny fingers and feet. She was just so gorgeous that James felt proud. Ellie Jaymes Hetfield. He couldn't believe she already was one-month-old. He would have time to correct himself. Perhaps, she wouldn't remember his misbehaviour or him being on the road in her early chilhood. " Look at you now, Ellie! You look beautiful. " He said, placing a kiss on the baby's forehead. From that day on, he promised he would be a father to her. The one she deserved. *** " Fuck, man, she's so cute! " Lars said, holding James's daughter tightly against him. " How old is she, already? " " She's one-month-old and you're not supposed to say ' fuck ' in front of her. I don't want her to learn that right now! " James chucked, leaving the kitcken where he was opening beers to the living-room. When Lily forsook him, he told the guys the rehearsals for their first album had to be postponed. He didn't say he was upset and confused about his ex-girlfriend. Didn't say he hated her for abandoning her own child. Didn't say what he was feeling, at all. Just pretended to be okay while within, he wasn't. But life was harsh and he had to deal with that, like he did before and definitely would. Maybe one day, he would feel like a rock, something unbreakable. After all, he was a though guy, wasn't he? " Sorry, man. Don't you prefer that I teach her some danish words? " Lars joked, a broad grin on his face, already knowing the answer the fair-haired young man would give him. " I wouldn't understand her! " They both laughed. James took a seat next to the drummer, offering him a beer. With an expert hand, he kept Ellie against him. God, even Lars possessed more experiences in parenting than him. James drank his beer silently. If only his mom was there, he wouldn't have gotten into such a scrape... She would have known what to do and he would have learn quickly. Memories were coming back. Again. " Where are Dave and Cliff? " he asked " They're busy testing some new guitars in Jon's studio? " " Alright, I forgot that. " " I know. That's a pretty mad situation, isn't it? " " Kind of, yeah. " " I mean, you've got a baby now, really ! " Lars said, looking at the small human being that fell asleep in his arms. James smiled, well aware of this fact but it was like the drummer's words were echoing in his head. This was a big change. With their first album about to be recorded, he would be absolutely busy, raising a child and being on tour, promoting Metallica songs. Fortunatly, Deanna, his seventeen-years-old sister, accepted to watch on his baby girl while he would be travelling all around the country. Nobody expect them would ever know that she was his daughter except them. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks a lot! Edited by Sol, March 12, 2013, 8:24 pm.
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| Verde Manzanita | January 1, 2013, 7:25 pm Post #2 |
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I have no feelings in my soul, where most have passion I got a hole
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Hum... not bad, not bad. Sounds interesting. I would ask for a second chapter.
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| Zira | January 1, 2013, 7:45 pm Post #3 |
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Frantic
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I enjoyed this, I too would ask for a second chapter.
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| Powerslave | January 1, 2013, 7:53 pm Post #4 |
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Bad Seed
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I really like this! Please continue
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| CarpeDiemBaby | January 1, 2013, 10:27 pm Post #5 |
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// Sunglasses indoors.
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Good start! Keep writing
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| Sol | January 3, 2013, 7:51 am Post #6 |
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Frantic
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Wow! Thanks for all your comments, that's... GREAT! Again, I apologize for the mistakes ( if there are some ^^ ) English's such a beautiful and hard language for me . Anyway, hope you'll enjoy this one! --------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter Two August 12nd, 1983. Chicago. This couldn't be real, couldn't be happening. Not him. Not now. Why did he have to miss his little baby girl so much? When did he say he wanted to be a professionnal musician? " Jaaames! " James's head jerked up violently it almost had it snapped off. Slowly, he hung up the phone he was holding and said " What? " But he still couldn't believe this was really happening. He quickly wiped away his tears with a towel. But it was. Despite his will, he was worrying about his little girl. He wished he had not to open the bathroom door so that Lars could enter, just to let his daughter's little laughters resonate once more into his ears. She couldn't already be seven-months-old. Time was just flying so fast. And he wasn't there much for her, although he wanted to. " Man, why do you have the phone in the bathroom? " " I needed to call my sister. " Lars laughed. James was funny denying he wasn't addicted to his little princess, Ellie. Everyday since they started touring, he had to make sure she was okay. And, that was a big change for the band. " Did you cry, man? " James frowned, looking at him like he said something no-sense. It was impossible for him to be so weak in front of his mates. Otherwise, he would never have respect anymore. " Why the hell are you saying this? " " Your eyes are a bit red. " Lars burst into laughter Oh, for god's sake, he had to leave the room now! He wouldn't be Metallica frontman after this. Grabbing the third beer he had left near the washbowl, he exclaimed. " Bullshit! " Right on cue, Cliff appeared. " Guys, don't we have to be in town in like... two minutes? " James and Lars grinned at each other. " Time to party! We fucking love gigs! " " And we all could see Ellie's adorable face after that. " Kirk stepped into the conversation. " She owes me that! " James joked " Are you sure? Lily was a beautiful tart! " Lars exclaimed, amused " Oh, fuck off! " They laughed. *** ' No remorse ' was James's favorite song from ' Kill 'em all '. He wrote it down while he was completely drunk with the Metallica other members. He remembered him yelling " Lily was the worst girl to knock up but I did and now, she's no remorse! None. ", forgetting that his baby's mother was the former lead guitarist's ex sister-in-law. That was the first fight between Dave Mustaine and him and, he won it. With alcohol, he felt invincible, that was why he was drinking so much. But noone except him knew it. He was hiding his mother's death, his girlfriend's loss, all his sadness in it. Merely. On tour, all he wanted was to have fun so that he could forget his issues. As days went on, he started using women for his pleasure. It was the only way to make sense in his life. Drinking, music and girls. He felt like a true 'rockstar' when he could have the three options. Litteraly. He missed so much his daughter. Secretly, he was denying the fact that he couldn't keep his words. His ex-girlfriend was right : he was following his father's steps. FLASH-BACK August 3rd , 1983. San Francisco. The few times James came home, he turned into another man. He became Ellie's father and everyone had to deal with his Daddy-behaviour. No rude words, no girls, no drunk people. Just music. He loved playing guitar for his baby daughter and singing her some stupid lullabies his mom used to sing to him when he was younger. It seemed like, despite her early age, she was listenning and enjoying what he was doing for her. He loved the cute laughter she was making while he was tickling her with his long hair as they were laying on his bed. He loved the tiny frown she would do when she was frustated, just like him. He loved every single gesture coming from her. " James, man, Dave Mustaine's here. " Kirk chucked from upstairs, after hearing some knocks on the door. The singer was too busy grinning when Ellie gave a small kiss on his left cheek to move. God, she was so sweet! " Yes, it's him, Jamie! " his sister, Deanna, added looking at the window " For your sake, don't ever call me like that again! Can't anybody open this fucking front door? " He said, getting up and holding his daughter tightly against him. " Hey! Wach your words! " " Don't fuucking care now! " James chirped, as he swung the door open During a few seconds, he silently observed the red-haired man that was looking at him up and down. " Lily wants to see her kid. " the older claimed, quickly glancing at his car ' Oh shit! ' was all he was thinking about as he suddenly recognized Ellie's mom. Her deep green eyes gazing at them. What a birthday present! His world burst into a million pieces. How could she have dared coming back just like that? What the hell was wrong with this girl? " I don't want her to. " He asserted dryly, his voice huskier than usual. " James, she's her mother. She gave her birth! " What was wrong with that family? God, that was madness. Lily, expecting to see her child. When did she worry about her since she left ? When did she call to make sure she was okay, heathy in every possible ways? Right on cue, Deanna appeared behind his brother and took her niece with her, in the kitchen. She knew a fight was about to start and she did not want Ellie to see her father like that. " Get the fuck out of my house! " James cursed loudly, his anger showing off over his other feelings. In the car, he saw Lily bursting into tears. Dave made a step towards him. " Don't ever talk to me like that again. " " Don't give me orders, man! " " What the hell is going on here? " Lars stepped into the tense conversation, waiting for them to reply. The blonde ran a hand in his hair, replacing a strand behind his ear. " Lily's coming back. " James explained, the knuckles of his left hand all white as he attempted to settle down a little bit. " She just wants to see her daughter. " " It's not her daughter anymore. Ever since she forsook her with James. " " Stay away of this, Lars! " Dave warned him. Anger increased in the singer's blood like in a dry forest. He was exasperated. Really. He shove the former Metallica member out of the driveway. His birthday present ironically was a unteenth fight with Dave. As she saw the blows they were giving to each other, Lily came off the truck, yelling, her hands trembling with no control. " Stop it! Stop it, please! " she begged, almost wailing But they did not listen to her. That was definitely the worst situation she had ever assisted to. She really felt uncomfortable, everyone around her moving about in a messy way. Then, Dave dragged her along towards his car. She just had time to meet James's angry eyes. His upper lip was injured, blood staining his T-shirt. She murmured a barely audible ' Sorry' as she got into the car. This was the worse birthday James ever had. END OF THE FLASH-BACK August 13rd , 1983. San Francisco. " She's just a sweetheart. " Cliff said, looking at the asleep little girl in the cradle smiling. Despite the tiredness of their journey from Chicago to James's house, they were all glad to be back home again. Kirk laughed. " You're drooling on her. Again. " " It seems that I've taken some of your habits! " The bassist chucked, teasing his friend. Actually, they were under the spell of the singer's little princess. It was like she had four dads. Rather noisy fathers but it did not bother her that much as she couldn't complain about it yet. Even when she was weeping for something, they remained weak looking at her face. And James, for sure, was a proud dad, showing off whenever he had the opportunity to. Most of the time, he was annoying as hell with that! " She'll be a great musician. " " Oh god. " Kirk rolled his eyes, amused. " With you wanting her to learn music, Lars wanting her to speak Danish and James whishing for her to be the strongest woman ever, she'll be totally mad instead! " " It's funny. " " What are you talking? " " When you see James on stage, can you imagine him being Ellie's father? I mean... Look at him with us and with her. It's like he has two opposite personalities! " " Yes, for sure. " " He's a cool dude. " Cliff said, drinking a beer that Kirk had brought ---------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you so much! |
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| Verde Manzanita | January 3, 2013, 10:09 am Post #7 |
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I have no feelings in my soul, where most have passion I got a hole
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Ok. I like it. It could be a great fic, so I'd still ask for more. Your English comes out very well, by the way. *The boys drooling over her... just so cute *
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| Zira | January 3, 2013, 10:45 am Post #8 |
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Frantic
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I love the fact that James is mature enough to be a father, it's so sweet ![]() I love this, please write more
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| CarpeDiemBaby | January 3, 2013, 6:32 pm Post #9 |
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// Sunglasses indoors.
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Ow, I don't like Lily at all. Poor James, having an annoying visit at his birthday. Ugh! I love Cliff drooling over the baby. I mean I love read about Cliff. Keep writing, girl! |
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| Powerslave | January 3, 2013, 10:24 pm Post #10 |
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Bad Seed
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Awesome chapter! Loving it so far!
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| Sol | January 4, 2013, 10:12 am Post #11 |
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Frantic
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I don't have words to say how much your comments mean to me! Thank you so much! And, again, sorry for the mistakes ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter Three January 18th, 1984. San Francisco. " Ellie...Come on, darling. Say it. It's easy, I promise. Da-da. How simple was that? " James tried for the unteenth time to make his daughter say a word. But, the little girl laughed as he was tickling her. Two weeks earlier, he started making her practise, immitating him yelling at his friends. But, today, she seemed to be ready to speak. For the first time. At least, that was what he was looking for. " I wanna hear you, miss Het'! Can you do this for me? " He went on, cutting some meat in her plate. They were alone in the kitchen and James was glad to spend some time with as a real father-daughter relationship before going again in a recording session for their new album, in Danemark. God, why did he always have to be so far away from her? " You're so stubborn, honey, don't you know that? " " I guess she owes you that! " Deanna appeared in the kitchen, searching for some other salted biscuits and James flashed her. She was distracting Ellie and made him forget what he was about to say. " Okay... Hey, Ellie... Look at me darling. Focus on what I'm telling you, not on Auntie Deanna speaking... Yeah. Alright. Say da-da. " For only answer, the fair-haired little girl ate a piece of meat, slowly chewing it. " You do wanna have your birthday present, don't you? So, say that dam... hum... that stupid word. Dada. C'mon, please! I'm not gonna say it again. Just that. I don't mind if you shout it or whisper it. I really don't. You can't turn this opportunity down! Just that. Dada. " James was about to give up, tired of her not wanting to obey him. But, Ellie's small lips moved while he was setting her free from her highchair and a word, the tiniest he had ever heard, echoed into his ears as he was holding her. Like if he was dreaming. " Dada. " *** October 25th, 1985. Detroit. " How are you, honey? " James said, locking up the bathroom door so that noone could tease him. Pretending he was nervous about Metallica upcoming gig was a great idea to isolate himselft. He could relax before adrenaline took him over, merely hearing his daughter's little voice on the phone. He usually called her on the evening, after her dinner in order to tuck her in her bed 'by distance'. He would sing her a song, most of the time the quiest one. Once, she fell asleep when he was singing 'Fade to Black' first lines. How sweet was that! Even though she did not know the meaning of his songs, he knew she carefully listened to every single word he was saying. " I'm good, daddy. I went to the park with auntie Deanna and uncle David. " she told him and he mentally pictured her in her pajamas. He almost could see her blond ponytail neatly brushed, her plump cheeks and her blue eyes staring at a photograph of him that his sister had put in her bedroom. ' When she misses you, she has this ' Deanna had asserted. Oh dear lord, why couldn't he prevent Ellie from growing up so fast? She already was two and half and talking with him. " Oh, cool. What did you do there? " " I... I saw a dog with long fair hairs! " she giggled. " Auntie said... he looked like you! " " Thank you, Ellie! " he exclaimed, chocked as he run his fingers into his hair to tidy it up a little bit. During several seconds, he was hurt by his daughter's words. " I... thought you were way way way more beautiful than him! " " Yeah, I hope so. " James gently sulked " Where are you? " " In detroit, Ellie. " " Is that far away from home? " " Kind of. But, I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise. I still got a few concerts to give. " " I miss you, dada. So so so much. " " Yeah, I know. I miss you too honey. Be nice with auntie and uncle David. " " I will try, mister! " James laughed out loud. How could she be teasing him? " No, no, no, Ellie! You must be nice, mustn't you? " " Yes. " " Great, then. " The young man had no time to hang up the phone. Kirk's familiar voice resonated to his ears, in spite of the thick door. " James, we're all waiting for you to bring your ass up on stage! Now! " " What the hell is wrong with you all tonight?" the younger cursed, swunging the door open. " I'm coming, man! " *** September 29th , 1987. Sweden. James's head was full of Cliff's pictures. And he couldn't bear that anylonger. It felt like the same mad nightmare restarting again and again. The sight greeting his eyes was making sweat pouring down in his face. What happened to him? If he could, he would have awaken from this unreal situation. Because it hurt. Badly. God, why did he have to go through that one more time? He slowly opened his eyes. He fell asleep holding a half full bottle of vodka, on his couch. His hair was wet as if he just stepped out off the shower and he slowly wipe his face dry with one hand. His crazy addictions were back, for sure. Swallowing the alcohol with great gulps, he managed to go out of the bus. Once he was outside, his legs gave way under under him. He was definitely not sober. An understatement. But, the cold wind helped him breathing. " Where're you, Cliff? " he shouted, looking around for his missing friend. " Where the hell are you? " As a respond, Kirk appeared. " What are you doing? " the guitarist asked, still half sleepy. " Where are you Clifford? " James continued, his husky voice echoing in the desert place At his words, the guitar player burst into tears, which made James turn around to look at him. It was the first time ever he wept for sorrow in front of Metallica frontman. " What? " " Man... He... He passed away two days ago. " *** " I think we should stop everything, now after Cliff isn't here anymore. " Lars suggested " Yeah, I thought so too. " Kirk added " Oh, damnit, it's useless now! " " We can't just pretend to be okay while we're not." " Yeah. " " I guess Cliff would have wanted us to go on. " James said, his voice a lot lower than usual " It'll take time but we'd get over all of that. " The drummer asserted as they were siting on James's sofa, their heads full of memories. " Oh, that's crap! Everything was so fine! Why did it have to end up that way? " " I dunno. But... I wonder how I could explain that to Ellie. " " God, that's harsh! " Kirk cursed, hiding his face in his hands ----------------------------------------------------- Thanks a lot. I'm so happy to post this right now !
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| CarpeDiemBaby | January 4, 2013, 6:46 pm Post #12 |
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// Sunglasses indoors.
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Aw, Ellie saying her first word skldjskdjls Oh no! Cliff! More, please! |
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| Verde Manzanita | January 4, 2013, 6:58 pm Post #13 |
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I have no feelings in my soul, where most have passion I got a hole
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Ellie's first word. How beautiful, and damn, it was about time! So cute this little girl. Cliff's death is gonna be something hard to assimilate, even for Ellie. =) Go on!. |
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| Zira | January 4, 2013, 8:23 pm Post #14 |
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Frantic
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Lol, James trying to teach Ellie to speak ![]() Poor Cliff! Please update soon
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| HannahBanana | January 5, 2013, 12:45 am Post #15 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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Absolutely adorable. James with a baby I love this
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8:41 PM Jul 10