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Fight Fire With Fire; James/OFC, Het, 1999
Topic Started: February 17, 2013, 12:58 pm (18,429 Views)
-DJ-
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Blackened
[ * ]
James waited on me hand and foot when we got home from the hospital; I was hardly allowed do anything for myself. He was far from the moody guy I met earlier in the year. We told everyone about losing the baby and their reactions were the same but we were getting through it. But every time James smiled I could see a slight sadness come through in his eyes.

One morning I was up before him and I crept into his room with a chocolate muffin with a birthday candle stuck in it. He insisted on sleeping in separate beds in case he moved during the night and hit off my stomach. I would have gotten him something better but he wouldn’t let me out of his sight.

“Hey” I sat on the bed where he was spread eagle across the mattress and rubbed his shoulder to wake him. “James?”

“Is something wrong? Are you okay?” he said in a panic when he saw me in his room.

“Relax, I’m fine. Happy birthday” I smiled and he returned it when he saw me holding his excuse for a cake. He sat up and blew it out.

“Thanks. I better get up”

“No don’t. Stay here and rest”

“I have to get your meds though”

“I’ve been up for a while and I got them myself” he frowned slightly like he didn’t want me moving around. “Move over” I told him and he rolled so I could lie beside him. “What are you doing for your birthday?”

“Staying here”

“No party?”

“No. I want a quiet birthday”

I got the feeling he didn’t want to see anyone because of what happened.

“Oh…okay. I’m sorry I didn’t get you a real present by the way, you deserve more than a muffin for all the stuff you’ve done for me”

“Don’t worry about it” he smiled. “How are you feeling today?”

“Great, like I could run a marathon!”

“Probably best not to” he advised and smoothed the short side of my hair with his fingers. I closed my eyes on his pillow and took a deep, calming breath. The smell of his cologne from his sheets filled my nose. I could have easily fallen asleep knowing he was right there. Despite all we were going through, this felt peaceful.

“Your hair is getting long…looks like you have a hedgehog stuck to the side of your head” he laughed.

“Yeah…I think I’m going to grow it out anyway”

“Really? Why? You’ve had that haircut forever”

“Exactly. I think I need a change…I think I should change a lot of things”

“What would you change?”

“Well my hair then I’ll probably need to find a place of my own”

“Why would you need your own place? You can stay here”

“I know and I love staying here but I need to feel some independence too you know?”

“I understand” he stretched out and I watch the sun dance over his bare torso.

“You hungry? I’m hungry”

“Yeah I’ll get us something”

“I can do it, James. I’ll call you when it’s done”

I left him in bed and went to cook us some breakfast to return the favor. He had cooked every single meal for me since we got home from the hospital. I put some oil in the pan and got some bacon and eggs from the fridge then put some toast in the toaster. Simple but effective and you can’t argue with bacon.

“James? Food!” I called up to him and set his plate on the breakfast bar in the kitchen.

He came in a fresh white tee and baggy jeans and dug into his food.

“Sssgood” he said through a mouthful of toast and bacon.

“I’m glad”

The phone rang while we were eating and James let it ring out. But the caller persisted and rang again so he got up to answer it. I heard him arguing with the person on the other line so I presumed it was Lars. He spent a good ten minutes on the phone then came back to sit beside me.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah” he grunted and finished the last slice of toast.

“What’s wrong James?”

“Nothing, it’s fine” I shot him a don’t-bullshit-me look and he rolled his eyes. “Lars wants me to go out tonight for my birthday” he admitted.

“So? Why don’t you?”

“Because I want to stay here with you and just have a quiet day” he sighed.

“You haven’t been out in a long time. And c’mon it’s your birthday”

“You won’t mind?”

“Nope. You have no idea how much I appreciate all you’ve done and how much you been here but I need some alone time too y’know? I’ll be happy to lie in front of the tv for the night”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive!”

“You’re the best” he grinned and kissed my cheek then went to get ready for his night out.

I spent the rest of the day without James fussing around me for the first time in like a week. I think he realized I could do stuff for myself. I heard the sound of an acoustic guitar coming from his room so I knew he was keeping himself occupied. I was pretty entertained with endless amount of satellite channels at my fingertips and a comfy couch that practically ate you when you sat on it.

Around 7.30 James came downstairs ready for his night out with Lars and whoever else was going. I was completely relaxed on the couch. The pain meds I was on had something to do with that too.

“Where are you guys going?”

“No idea. Probably for dinner then to a bar or something. I won’t be back too late but don’t wait up anyway” he said looking in the mirror above the fireplace. A car horn honked outside and that was his cue to leave. “See you later”

“Happy birthday”

--

At 4am the doorbell ringing erratically woke me up from my sleep on the couch. He forgot his damn keys. I opened the door and he was slumped against one of the walls of the porch.

“Heeeeey” he offered me a drunken smile as he stumbled through the threshold. “I didn’t wake you did I?”

“No” I followed him into the living room and he fell onto the couch. “Good night?” a shrug was all I got for an answer.

“I’m going to bed. The aspirin is in the bathroom. I suspect you’ll need it in the morning. Night, James”

“No don’t go to bed yet I want to talk to you” he waved his hand for me to come over to him.

“It’s four in the morning”

“Perfect time for talking” he slurred. “Do you love me, Ruth?”

Great. A conversation with Jack Daniels; just what I needed.

“Can we do this tomorrow? When you’ll remember what you’re saying”

“No. I need to know now” he raised his voice.

“Why?”

“Because you don’t know what it’s like to love someone and not have them love you back”

“OH really? I didn’t love you back when you cheated on me?”

“Fuck…” he scoffed and kicked the coffee table with his boot.

“Goodnight, James”
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Shayniz21
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Poor Twisted Me
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I think Ruth should give James another shot.
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HellHathNoFury
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Poor Twisted Me
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^I agree. She needs to lighten up, he was being so nice to her.
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-DJ-
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Thanks for your comments ladies :heart:

James was crankier than usual the next day. I tried to talk to him but his hangover made him extremely irritable. I was treading on eggshells around him in case I said something he’d find to be out of line and then snap at me.

We were sitting in the living room at around 5pm. Despite his hangover and night drinking last night he still found room for some beers from the fridge to watch some sports show on tv. I sat on a different chair and flicked through a magazine although the silence between us was killing me.

“Where’d you go last night?” I attempted to spark up conversation.

“Out”

“Well I figured that out but where?”

“Some bar” he kept his eyes glued to the tv the whole time I spoke to him.

I hated it when he was like this, he was worse than a moody teenager.

“I think I’ll go over to my dad’s” I threw the magazine back on the coffee table. He didn’t even flinch. I genuinely hated things being like this between us.

“Should you be driving?” he asked in a monotone voice.

“I’ll be fine” I assured him and grabbed my keys and bag.

“Bring a key. I might not be here when you get back” he said as he opened another bottle of beer.

When I arrived at my dad’s he was setting up his poker table. When I lived here and it was his poker night, I’d usually go out to give him some time with his friends.

“Hey honey. Wasn’t expecting you. You alright?” he greeted me.

“Yeah” I sat on the couch and took a handful of peanuts from the table while my dad gave me a I-know-you’re-lying look.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright”

“And James?”

“His usual cranky self”

“Hmmm…” he scratched his moustache and sat down beside me.

“What?”

“I think James is a better guy than you give him credit for, Ruth. I mean, you guys have been through a lot but he still looked after you after you got out of hospital and it can’t have been easy for him. It’s only normal that he’s upset. I’m sure you are too”

“I get that. Believe me, I do. I appreciate all the things he’s done for me but…”

“But what?”

“I don’t know…it was his birthday yesterday and it was nice and stuff but then he comes in at like 4am drunk out of his mind and starts telling me I don’t know what it’s like to love someone and not have them love you back” I pouted as I told my dad about everything.

“You don’t love him back?”

“I don’t know…he’s complicated”

“Well you’re seriously blind if you can’t see he loves you. Any person with eyes knows he’s head over heels for you. He wouldn’t have stuck around otherwise…I think I know what your problem is”

“I don’t have a problem”

“Yes you do; your attitude”

“Dad, I’m not 15 anymore, you can’t give me a lecture on my fucking attitude”

“See?! You’re afraid to let people in in case you don’t look tough”

“Dad, please”

“And you’re getting pissed now because you know I’m right. You two have got the hedgehog dilemma”

That was weird. James called me a hedgehog yesterday too.

“Are you making this up? What’s the hedgehog dilemma?”

“You can’t get close to James because you have all these spikes up and you’re afraid to let them down in case you get attacked because he made one mistake” I half laughed and half frowned because I knew he was right although I didn’t want to admit it and also because of his hedgehog metaphor. “You always make that face when you know I’m right”

“Is that what you discuss when the guys come over? Love and stuff?” I laughed.

“Not always…are you sticking around?”

“Yeah for a while”

I sat at the poker table beside my dad and watched him clean out the pockets of his friends pretty quickly. It could have been a scene from a bad gangster movie; they had smooth jazz on in the background and glasses full of scotch. I hadn’t got a clue how to play so I just ate peanuts and listened to them curse and give me some life advice for the rest of the evening.

When his friends decided they had had enough of him taking their money, they left because it was also getting late. I helped him clean up the living room when they were done.

“Honey, I need you to go home and try to sort things out with James” he told me out of the blue as we were cleaning.

“You need me to?”

“Yeah. I can’t have you coming over here on poker night and interrupting my game!” he chuckled.

“I’ve thought about it and I’m going to try and make things work if James still wants to”

“Good”

“I’ll be over soon” I kissed him on the cheek and got in my car to drive back to James’.

On the drive home I thought about letting my guard down and letting James in. it scared me but we needed to sort things out for better or for worse. If I was honest to him and myself, deep down I did love him.

When I pulled up to the house at around 1am, I noticed James’ car was gone and instead there was a strange one that I didn’t recognize in the drive way. I took a deep breath before I opened the door.

When I stepped inside I heard him drunkenly laugh from the living room. I peeked around the corner into the living room and saw some black haired girl making out on the couch. When she saw me she stared at me then gave James an evil look. His face turned white when he saw me.

“Hey, Ruth” he waved with a crooked smile. “Have you met um…sorry what’s your name again?” he asked her and she was not impressed he had to do that.

“I thought you said you lived here by yourself?” she asked him and he looked at me like he had no idea what she was talking about. ”I’m leaving” she told him and he grunted like I had just ruined his night. The mystery woman got up and left while I ran upstairs to get my suitcase.

“It wasn’t what you think” he slurred, standing in the doorway trying to explain while I took my clothes out of my wardrobe and put them in my suitcase. “Ruth don’t leave okay? I had too much to drink and she gave me a ride home that’s all”

“Really? That’s all? Because it looked like you were doing a lot more than that. What else would you have done if I didn’t come home?”

“Nothing! I admit she kissed me a bit”

“It’s always them isn’t it, James? It’s never you. I came home to try and work things out between us because I don’t like fighting with you and maybe we could have been something but I can’t do that anymore”

“You can, baby” he whispered coming closer to me trying to wipe a tear from my cheek.

“No I can’t” I pushed him away from me. He frowned and breathed deeply through his nose. He turned from remorseful into furious in milliseconds.

“Fine then. Leave. I don’t fucking care. I’m not going to beg you to stay” he shouted as he left the room.
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Oh James... He should try to stay sober one night and talk with Ruth. And Ruth... well, maybe she should have let her guard down a bit earlier, maybe she could have worked things out with James, before, but... I don't know how they might work things out now.

Even if Ruth doesn't really have a reason to be upset with James (they're not together, so, whoever he kisses or whatever isn't really Ruth's business), it must not feel too nice to know that when you're going go try and fix things, the other party is not on the same page as you are. (Especially if the other party said, more or less, that he loves you...)

Great updates. :)
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Shayniz21
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I agree. They are both at fault here but James should learn not to go to such extremes when things aren't going his way. I hope they can work things out. More soon please!
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-DJ-
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Blackened
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April 2001

After that night I didn’t see James or go back to work for Metallica. I decided I needed a clean slate so I got my old job back at Guitar Center and moved back in with my dad…well, cleanish slate. It was hard watching Jason leave and watching relationships within in the band crumble from a distance. The closest I got to them these days was MTV news because I’d severed most of my personal ties with the band.

It was Friday in work and we were super busy. Most gigs were played on the weekends in the area so new picks, sticks and strings needed to be bought for the show.

“Marty!” I shouted to my co-worker who was in the back watching an AC/DC concert. “I need help out here; there’s a line out the door! Next!”

A guy with aviator sunglasses and his hair tied back in a ponytail came to the counter.

“Ruth?” he took of his sunglasses and studied my face.

“Kirk?!” I was so happy to see him. “Wait here for a sec” I ran back to Marty and forced his ass to take charge while I spoke to Kirk in the back.

“So what are you doing here? I haven’t seen you in ages!” I hugged him and he gave me a tight squeeze back.

“I ordered a tube for my amp and one of the guys on the phone said I could pick it up today”

“Cool. How are things in Metallica land? How’s the new album coming along?”

“It’s not. Thing’s aren’t so good right now” he sighed. “We’ve got a therapist working with us now” I had heard thing weren’t great but I didn’t think they were ‘we need a therapist’ bad.

“And um…James in rehab right now so the album--”

“Sorry I thought you said James was in rehab for a minute”

“I did…he is” I stared at Kirk wide eyed and my heart sped up a little.

“Wow…h-how is he?”

“We spoke on the phone but only for a few minutes. He said it’s tough goin’”

“I can imagine” I knew James wasn’t great with talking about his feelings.

“He asked had I seen you when he called”

“Why?”

“I’m not sure”

“Ruth!!” Marty called me interrupting our chat.

“I should probably get back to work. I’ll get your thing now”

I got Kirk’s order from the stock room and gave it to him. It had a sticker saying “Mr. Hammett” on it in my handwriting so I don’t know how I missed that one.

“Maybe you should go visit James…?” Kirk suggested when I gave him his order.

“I don’t think so. I don’t want to complicate things or confuse him”

“Just think of it as a friend needing support…you’d do that right?”

Kirk gave me the name of the rehab center James was in before he left. I got their number from the phone book and called them to see what time visiting hours were at. If I left now I’d make it. Screw Marty.

I arrived at the rehab center James was in at 3.10pm. The lady at reception told me his room number. On the way to his room I saw other patients there were talking to their relatives or friends there but I didn't see James interacting with people there.

I knocked on door number 35 although it was already open. I peeked before I went in and he was sitting at a table in his room writing something down.

"Yeah? Come in" he called.

"Ruth" he said quietly. The sight of him nearly brought a tear to my eye. He looked totally different. He wore glasses and his hair was slicked back with gel. His beard was neat and he looked generally healthy. "Uh…what are you doing here?" he asked me nervously.

"I came to see how you are"

"Why?" I could tell he was suspicious of me being there.

"Do you want me to go?"

"No, no. It's just...no one else has come to visit me. You were the last person I was expecting to see if I'm honest. Sit down" he took his jacket off the chair and let me sit down while he sat on the bed opposite me

"How are you getting on in here?"

"It's really scary Ruth. They’re making me feel things I never thought I could feel...they make me talk about thing I haven't thought about in years. It helps though. I'm thinking clearly for the first time in a long time” he said honestly.

"I'm glad you're feeling better"

"What about you? How’s your dad? Your hair's different now too" he commented on my hair that was all one length and dark brown now.

"He's good...I'm good...we're all good" I laughed nervously.

"How did you know I was here?"

"Kirk told me. He said you two were talking recently"

"Yeah, he's a good listener...knows what to say. What are you doing now?"

"I'm back at Guitar Center"

"Cool. You like it?"

"Yeah. I miss travelling with you guys though" he nodded to himself, fidgeting with his fingers.

"When are you out of here?"

"Another two weeks but I still have to go to meetings and stuff afterwards"

"Are you looking forward to getting back into finishing the album?"

"I guess..." he whispered and I looked over to see his bottom lip quivering. I got up and knelt in front of him.

"Hey what’s wrong?" I took his hand. "Did I say something?"

"This is just...really difficult for me. Thinking about what I did and said to you when we went out and lived together. I’m really sorry, you didn't deserve that…and all the baby stuff too. It doesn’t help that my emotions are all over the place either"

"Don't worry about that, I forgot and forgave for that a long time ago. You were also really good to me" I smiled and wiped a tear from his cheek. It was heart wrenching to see him like this. He was extremely fragile. I never pictured him like this. Ever.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. You just concentrate on getting better. I have to go now because the nurse said i could only stay until 3.30"

"Okay" he nodded taking a deep breath and ran his hands over his face. "Will you...come back tomorrow? It’s Saturday so we get longer visiting hours at weekends. You don't have to if you're busy or anything"

"Of course"

"Thanks for today too. It means a lot" he hugged me tightly.

"No problem. See you tomorrow"

I cried on the drive home to my dad’s. It was so hard to see him like that. I realised we still had unfinished business and to see him so raw vulnerable was more than I could handle.

“Hey hun…oh you don’t look so good” my dad observed my puffy eyes and smudged eyeliner.

“I saw James today”

“Yeah? Where?”

“A rehab center”

“You’re kidding” he was as shocked as I was.

“No. Kirk came into the store and told me all about it so I rang the place and went to visit him…he’s so different. I thought if I touched him he’d break”

“Didn’t see that one coming”

“Me either. He asked me to go back tomorrow”

“But you’re working”

“Well I’ll have to call in sick because I promised him”

“Right…I have some news too. I got offered early retirement today”

“Wow. Are you going to take it?”

“Of course. Thirty three years is my limit of being a police officer” he chuckled.

“Cool. When do you finish?”

“Next week”

“Awesome. Finally going to take that hunting trip with the boys you’ve been planning for years”

“You betcha!”

I spent most of the rest of the evening thinking of things to say to James tomorrow. This was the first time I’d ever had to do this as long as I’d known him. Would there be certain things he would want to talk about? Would there be triggers that would make him cry again? I don’t think I could handle him breaking down in front of me because I’d probably join in. I hoped we would actually get things resolved this time around. Even if it meant going to visit him every day.
Edited by -DJ-, March 21, 2013, 1:03 pm.
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Verde Manzanita
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I have no feelings in my soul, where most have passion I got a hole
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Aw, this is so beautiful. James being in rehab sucks because he's having a hard time, but it's great at the same time 'cause he's getting better and has now Ruth again to support him.

:heart:
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CarpeDiemBaby
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// Sunglasses indoors.
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OMG!
I missed so many updates! Sorry, but college is eating me alive! ;_;

So sad about the baby :( and now James in Rehab :( Hope Ruth can help him to get better, all what James needs is love. :P

Más! :heart:
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HannahBanana
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So many emotions flying around. I like the fact that Ruth still had the heart to visit James and treat him nicely after what he had done. I hope they can rebuild their broken relationship on a better note this time around. :)

Can't wait to read more!
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HellHathNoFury
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I think its good that James is in rehab. Maybe they can both finally admit they love each other and stop screwing around.
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denisant89
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That was so heart wrenching. :(

I think it is good that James is in rehab though.

I love this fic.
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Shayniz21
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I'm glad she's getting involved with James' recovery. He needs Ruth's support. Now, hopefully we can see these two back together!
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-DJ-
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Thanks dudettes :)

The following day I knocked on James’ door again after an hour’s drive in heavy traffic.

“Hey how are you?” he smirked and gave me a warm, one armed hug.

“I’m good”

“Awesome. We can go outside because it’s nice out” he informed me and I followed him around the back of the facility. On the way he said a few ‘what’s up’s to people he had befriended during his time there.

We sat opposite each other at a picnic table under the warm spring sun. He fidgeted with his hands. Something he did yesterday when he felt uncomfortable.

“Are you supposed to be working today?”

“Yeah but I was owed a few days off so it’s no big deal”

“Oh…I’m sorry about yesterday too” he looked across at me apologetically.

“For what?”

“For fucking cryin’ all over you, you didn’t need that”

“Shut up. Every one’s allowed get emotional now and then”

“Right” he nodded sheepishly, like he still felt the need to apologize.

“My dad’s retiring soon” I made conversation to fill the awkward silences.

“Really? Who’s going to get rid of my speeding tickets now?” he laughed softly.

“So what made you come here?”

“I knew you were going to ask me that sooner or later” he sighed.

“If you don’t want to talk about it it’s fine”

“No, I can…well, after you left things started getting a little crazy, I was drinking more than ever…I can’t even remember most of the tour we did last summer” he took a deep breath. “Then Jason leaves and we went to record the new album and we get this therapist in because hardly anyone could stand each other at that point; I was arguing with Lars all the time and thought drinking might help me feel better but it didn’t. So one day things blew up at the studio and I left and came straight here”

“Wow…at least you’re doing the right thing. When Kirk told me I didn’t believe him. My dad didn’t believe me either when I told him I was here yesterday. Have you spoken to Lars?”

“No…just Kirk…and you now obviously”

“I’m really glad you decided to do this, it’s a brave thing to do” I touched his hand but he pulled it away almost immediately.

“I appreciate that but I don’t want to get my hopes up”

“Hopes up about what?”

“Us. What I need right now is support. Especially when I leave here and I know that I can depend on you for that. I mean, you came here today; you even took a day off work for me. It’s just…I’m not sure I want to complicate things with a relationship. Not yet anyway”

“I understand that. I’ll be here if you need me”

“I still love you, you know. But if we were to dive straight into something and it doesn’t work out again, I’m not sure I could handle that. I need to be on the straight and narrow for a while”

“I think you’ll be fine when you leave here, James”

“Yeah…I just need some time away from the band. Just to think about stuff”

“I’m sure they’ll understand” I assured him but he shook his head as if I were wrong.

“You have no idea how scared I am about getting back into a room with those guys… I don’t know if I even want to pick up a guitar again”

That shocked me. I couldn’t imagine James without a guitar. I always thought he’d be bouncing off the walls without a guitar or something to vent.

“Have you been writing lyrics since you’ve been here?”

“Yeah I have but I don’t know if I want to share that with them…it’s really personal stuff…more like diary entries than lyrics”

“What do you talk about in them?” I wondered immediately after I’d asked that if it was too personal. I wondered if he’d trust me enough to tell me.

“Umm…well there’s a lot of ‘what ifs’ and ‘sorry’s’ in there…like, what if we had have had the baby or what if I didn’t bring that girl home towards the end…I know it won’t change anything but I think about it a lot and I’m sorry for it” he wiped his hands on his jeans after he admitted that. I knew too well that these weren’t easy things to say. All I wanted was to jump across the table and hug him tight and never let go. But I stayed where I was.

“You been seeing anyone at all?” he asked shyly.

“No…did you or, are you with anyone?”

He shook his head. “It just didn’t feel right after what happened between us. I mean, I had opportunities but anytime I did I just couldn’t go through with it”

“I guess I felt the same way”

We talked for a little while longer about normal things; the weather, what was on tv, new bands he’d heard about but between all of those came deafening silences where the birds in the trees would have to fill in the blanks.

“What have they been, y’know, teaching you here?” I didn’t know if teaching was the right word.

“I’ve learnt a lot of stuff. The most obvious thing being that the world doesn’t revolve around me. I know that I need to respect people I have friendships or relationships with and not to be selfish in them because that’s all I was in past relationships. I just need to put those things into practice now so…that’s why I asked you to come here today so we can repair things because fighting and sulking doesn’t solve anything”

I smiled to myself as he spoke telling me all of these things. I sounded stupid but I felt like a mom listening to her child and all the things it had learned in school or college. Now it was me that started crying in front of him.

“Hey what’s wrong?” he got up from his seat and came around to my side of the table and sat beside me but didn’t touch me.

“I’m just proud of you for doing this”

“Thanks but can you stop crying because I’m never sure what to do when people start crying around me” he laughed.

“Only if you do one thing for me”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Can you smile?” I wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

“Huh?”

“I haven’t see you smile in ages”

“But I can’t just—“ he smiled as he said that.

“You’re smiling right now” I nudged his ribs.

“I’ll smile more if you come back tomorrow…if you’re not working that is”

“I don’t work Sundays so it won’t be a problem. Same time?”

“Yep”

“Alright” I looked at my watch and knew I’d be told to leave soon. We’d spoken for almost two hours. “I better go”

“See ya” he grinned and watched me get up to leave.
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Verde Manzanita
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I have no feelings in my soul, where most have passion I got a hole
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Ñawwww, how beautiful! It must've been too hard for him being there... but at least Ruth's there to help.
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