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COPS New Orleans; Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do?
Topic Started: Nov 26 2007, 02:55 PM (35 Views)
Ryan MacKenzie
Unregistered

COPS New Orleans


-Police sirens wail as the camera spots a speeding cruiser heading through the streets of New Orleans. Apparently it is a residential neighborhood as the car stops and parks while two officers eye the situation-

Cop 1: Damn it, this is the third time this week we've been sent to this house!

Cop 2: No kidding! I see Xavier Cage on Mayhem all the time, he looks normal. What the hell is wrong with his parents?!!

Cop 1: Who knows! But we have to respond, regardless. I wish their neighbors would move or something. These people are just...disturbing..

Cop 2: Let's go!

-with caution, both of the officers step out of the car and begin heading slowly up the driveway. Their honed senses tell them to be ready for anything, as one never knows what one will find at the Cage household here in the Big Easy-

Cop 1: Okay, you go first.

Cop 2: No way! I went first last time!

Cop 1: Rock, paper, scissors?

Cop 1: Sure.

-A competitive game of RPS will determine who goes first into this house. The first cop throws down an impressive scissors, but his partner gets the win with a rock like nobody's business!-

Cop 1: Shit!

Cop 2: That's right, who's your daddy!

-The first officer curses again as he reaches for the doorknob, stopped when he hears a man's voice on the other side of the door-

Man: Ohhh, Betsy...You know something? You smell soo good tonight...

-The officers stare at each other, a little disturbed at what they are hearing as they continue to listen-

Man: Hehe, you know what it does to me when you lick my neck like that...Uh oh, I think somebody's waking up Mr. Happy.

-One officer's face turns a lovely shade of green, as he heards the discussion going on inside, whispering to his partner-

Cop 2: Isn't that Mr. Cage's voice?

Cop 1: I think so! Sounds like he's about to get lucky....

Cop 2: Yeah, but his wife's name isn't Betsy!

-The police officers go to knock, but notice the door is standing slightly ajar-

Mr. Cage: Ohh baby, has anyone ever told you that I like me a girl with a talented tongue?

-One officer peeks in through the open slit, and what he sees makes his mouth fall open-

Mr. Cage: You know what that means now, don't you honey? Big Daddy needs to give you a little snack, turn around, baby!

-The other officer pushes the door open, and is met with a terrible sight-

Cop 2: MR. CAGE.....YOU'RE MOLESTING A GOAT???

-The first officer looks on in horror as Mr. Cage has his stained tighty whities around his ankles as he is preparing to slip Betsy something besides the feed! The look of shock on his face as he sees the officers looking at him, and the only one happy about this interruption....is Betsy!-

Betsy: BAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH BAAAH!

Cop 2: Damn it, Mr Cage! How many times do we have to tell you that farm animals are not sex objects! This is cruelty to animals in the worst way!

Cop 1: No shit, I think I'd rather just have my body shaved than be in Betsy's position!

-The highly trained officers race through the door, and quickly subdue Mr. Cage as Betsy flees towards the door. Mr. Cage is hardly difficult to subdue. A 450 lb. Man with his Fruit of the Looms around his ankles and a belly which obscures anything below his enormous man boobs makes him an easily capturable target-

Cop 2: Mr. Cage, you are under arrest for cruelty to animals!

Mr. Cage: Aww, damn! Betsy don't mind! She's got a tongue like sandpaper!

Cop 1: Shut up, you sick freak!!

Mr. Cage: Honey!! Help me!!

-The officers look around for Mr. Cage's wife, whom he is apparently hoping will come to his rescue-

Ms. Cage: Aww, shut up! You know I don't like being disturbed when I'm waxing my back!

-Both officers give a rather disgusted look on their face-

Mr. Cage: PLEEEASE, BABY! Help your ever-lovin' man!

-One officer has slapped the cuffs on Mr. Cage as the sound of thunderous footsteps can be heard from the other end of the house-

Cop 1: Damn! What's that sound? You got a Brontosaurus for a fuckin' pet??

Cop 2: I'd know that sound anywhere, and OH MY GOD, I'M BLIND!!

-The second cop's partner spins around to see the most hideous sight he'd seen in quite some time as dressed in a sheer nightie stood Ms. Cage. For those who didn't know, Ms. Cage was well over 300 lbs. And that was just one leg. The nightie was a few sizes small for this....”voluptuous” woman as she stood there, with her hand on her hip. She tried shaking her hip in a sexy manner, but unfortunately on the first shake, a lamp would feel the agony of her sex appeal when her hip hit it, sending it to the floor-

Ms. Cage- I'll tell you boys what! You forget about my husband there, and I'll show why there's no lay like Xavier Cage's mom!

Cop 1: I think I'm gonna be sick!

-Ms. Cage then attempts to give her lips a very sexy lick in order to entice the officers into her bedroom, but the Doritos crumbs on her tongue serve only to smear them across her lips as she offers to take down the top of her nightie to show the officers one of her breasts, which time has not been kind to as both of them seem to sag like rented furniture in a trailer park-

Cop 2: Good God! Are those breasts?

Cop 1: They look like half inflated blimps to me!

-Both cops then decide that there was no real crime committed here as they race out of the house, leaving Ms. Cage smiling down to her still handcuffed hubby-

Ms. Cage – Well then, I did you a little favor, now you do me one!

Mr. Cage – But but but...

Ms. Cage – But is right, that's where you are going to take my man part, boy!

Mr. Cage – BEEEEETSY!!!! HEEEELP ME!!!

-There you have it, ladies and gentlemen! Just another day at the Cage household! We'll be right back after these messages with more...COPS!
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