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| Terra Astraea | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 7 2013, 11:02 PM (125 Views) | |
| Oona | Jul 7 2013, 11:02 PM Post #1 |
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Name: Terra Astraea Race: Human (Barovian) Gender: Female Age: 17 Abilities: ![]() Pact Summon: Herdeus - Herdeus is a strange catlike creature with an extremely muscular body. It stands about 4 to 5 feet tall with broad shoulders and a strong back. His paws are large, and his face is long and narrow, with long ears. Appearance Terra stands tall at 6’1”. She has an average build with slender limbs, but enough muscle to keep from her looking sickly. Her skin is an average tan, showing an equal time spend indoors and out. Terra has thick, dark hair that that hangs down to her mid-back. It is generally well kept, and she manages to keep it well contained as well healthy. Terra has intensely blue eyes, with dark lashes lining around them. Her nose is small and pointed, and her cheeks hold a light pink to them. Her lips are a soft pink as well. Her neck is slender, and it leads to round shoulders. Her waist size is small, yet it leads into long legs. Clothing and Attire The dress that covers her body is form fitting and a deep forest green. It ends mid thigh at thick points. Her boots are a dark purple and they sit loosely around her calves. There isn’t much of a heel to the boots, but it is preferred that way considering the amount of traveling Terra does. In bad weather, Terra can often wear a purple cloak that matches the color of her boots. Personality Terra is a sweet girl who looks forward to the prospect of meeting new people and acquiring friendships. Despite her last few days at home, she has managed to adjust to her new situation quickly and is enjoying her freedom. As a seventeen-year-old girl, at times Terra can act childish and release her temper. If someone is teasing her too much, or is doing something to aggravate her, she will lash out, and often times say something she doesn’t truly mean. She also doesn’t consider hiding her emotions, and if upset or sad, she will cry in front of others. Terra also cares for the well being over others. She does not like to see people hurt, and will do what she can to help them. She will call for Herdeus’ protection only when she absolutely needs it; otherwise, she will try to peacefully come to a conclusion. She is afraid of the damage that Herdeus could cause, so she would rather not send them after people. However, her mind can (at times) summon him subconsciously, even if it wasn’t a direct intention. History The Forming of a Strong Bond Terra was born into a wealthier family within the region of Barovia. She was the youngest of four children, her three brothers (Guy, Jackson, and Gene) three to five years older than she. The relationship between she and her father was great. While he was rough with her brothers, and taught them how the fight from an early age, Terra’s father was very kind to her and spoiled her. She was his only daughter, and he cherished her as if she were a fragile family heirloom. She would be lying to say she hated the attention. The most combat experience Terra was ever given was lessons with a bow. Her father felt that she should have some knowledge of a weapon, and he felt the bow would be the best choice. “I never want you in the midst of battle -- it is no place for a woman. However, know how to use a bow in case you need to take care of a threat from a distance.” At first, Terra had a hard time using the bow. However, over the years, she began to master the technique. She practiced every day, and by the time she turned fifteen, Terra was hitting the bulls eye easily. All of her life, Terra knew she was different from her family. Barovians were against the idea of magic, but she accepted it and wished to learn more about it. However, with being within the Barovian region, it was hard to get a hold of any information in regards to magic. When Terra turned seventeen, she snuck out of her parent’s home and entered the woods. Her cat and long time friend, Echo, followed her diligently. Every since she was a small child, Terra had the ability to speak with Echo through the mind. She kept this secret from her family, as Barovians are a group of people who detest magic. While Terra could not be certain if this was magical, she certainly knew it wasn’t normal. Keeping this secret would better – if her family knew about she and Echo, they would certainly take her friend away. Where are we going? Echo asked. Terra grinned as her pace quickened. “Just somewhere to practice with my bow. I’ll know the spot when I see it.” They walked deeper and deeper into the woods until they came across a large tree. Terra eyed the plant before deciding it was a good target. Placing her hands on her hips, she turned to talk to Echo but noticed something frightening. Standing before her was a large cat. It was close to the size of a horse. Terra fell back, dropping her bow in fear. Her heart fluttered violently. It felt like it was going to pop out of her chest at any moment. She pressed her back against the tree, feeling that she may be able to push herself inside of the trunk to hide. Her mouth quickly went dry, and her eyes began to string with fearful tears. Terra’s cat Echo stood bravely before her, his back arched upwards and hair standing on end. He hissed and snarled at the creature before him, threatening to use him as a scratching post should he come closer. The creature stood silently before Terra, frozen. It did not look threatening, but his size alone scared Terra to death. It was a large cat, about the size of a small horse, with paws that could easily crush Echo’s head should it decide to. “Please,” Terra said, tears running down her face, “go away…” The large cat stared at her for a moment, its eyes studying her trembling form. But after a moment of contemplation, the creature turned and began to walk away. Terra let out a loud sob – one she had been holding back through the entire encounter. Echo began to calm down, his hair slowly falling back to his body. “What was that?” Terra asked as she rubbed the tears away from her eyes. She looked down to Echo to see his vibrant, green eyes looking back at her. Never seen anything like it before… he replied to her. She could hear his voice clearly in her mind – a soft male, but not like any human she had heard before. Otherworldly. With her heart rate finally calming down, Terra grabbed her bow that she dropped in fear of the creature and placed it over her shoulder. She grabbed her quiver as well and began to make her way back home. Your father would be furious to hear that you went out on your own… Echo stated flatly. “Which is why I’m not going to tell him,” Terra replied matter of factly. But if it wasn’t normal, could it mean that she wasn’t quite right in the head? Was she insane? A freak was more like it. Barovians weren’t supposed to accept magic in their lives, so what was her excuse? You’re deep in thought again, Echo said. Terra nodded. “Sorry,” she said as she brought herself back to reality. At that moment, the brush to the side of her began to rustle violently. Terra whipped her head to look, her dark hair following closely behind. Echo stopped beside her, once again arching his back. “Is it back?” Terra asked. Echo let out a low growl. I don’t think so… A bear then emerged, roaring aggressively. Standing on its hind legs, the beast made its way to Terra. He finally came down to all fours and began to charge. Terra fumbled with her bow, trying to load an arrow, but the bear knocked it out of her hands and sent her crashing to the ground. Echo quickly ran over to her, hissing at the bear but avoiding much more than that. The bear raised its paw to strike, but before it could make contact, the strange cat beast from before emerged from the woods. With its strong jaws, it latched onto the bears arm, and once it touched down on the ground, it began to try and wrench the arm right off of the bear. The cat and bear scuffled for a few moments before the bear was beaten into submission. The bear accepted defeat and went back into the woods. Terra, breathing heavily and trying to calm her heart for a second time in one day, stared wide eyed at the creature. The large cat walked up to her and nudged her with its head. “What is it doing?” Terra asked stiffly, trying not to move. It seems protective… Echo stated, puzzled. There also seemed to be a hint of jealousy. Terra gently placed her hands on the animal’s head; her hands seemed so small next to it. While petting the animal, she felt a strange energy form and swell within her chest. It felt like it was hard to breathe, as if someone was pressing down on her chest. Yet she did not feel threatened or panicked. The feeling finally passed, however, and once it did, Terra looked right into the creature’s eyes. “He’s a part of me now,” she said softly, stroking the large cat once more. Echo rubbed up against Terra’s thigh before sitting next to her, but his eyes never left the large cat before him. After a moment of silence, the large cat gave Terra one last gentle nudge before stepping away. Terra closed her eyes, taking in a breath, and when she opened them, the cat was gone. ~*~ When Terra made it home, making it passed her father was anything but easy. He scolded her for what felt like hours, and when she was finally released, she was banned from both her bow and going out on her own for an unknown amount of time. So, to utilize her time, Terra would go to the outskirts of her parents land. The end of the property was right at the forest tree line, so she would go and stare into the woods, waiting for the large cat to appear. “Are you out there?” She would ask aloud. She felt a yearning to see him; being separated made her feel like something was missing from inside of her. Closing her eyes, Terra silently asked for the can to come forward. After thinking about the cat for a few moments, she finally felt something cold on her hand. Looking down, Terra noticed the cat rubbing his head against her hand. She smiled. Terra spent many days calling the cat. He seemed to be a permanent fixture in her life. Echo was becoming familiar with him as well, which gave relief to Terra considering Echo’s earlier aggressions. One afternoon, her brother Gene came to her. He was the oldest of the three boys, and was the kindest out of the lot of them. He had startled her, as she was just about to call the large cat before she heard him call her name. “Hi Gene,” she stammered. Echo stood close by. Hey. I was about to head out into town and was wondering if you would like to go. You know, since you have been stuck here for a while.” Terra gave a quick look out into the woods as she thought about the invitation. “What about dad?” She asked, “What will he say about it?” “Don’t worry,” he said, “as long as you are with me, he won’t care.” Terra thought about it for a moment. It wouldn’t hurt to step out for a bit. The cat could wait. “Okay,” she said, “let me take Echo inside and I’ll be right out.” When the siblings arrived in town, Gene mentioned running to the local market for a few things. He split off from her for a moment, leaving Terra to explore the different stands. Picking up a few trinkets, she didn’t notice the man sneaking up from behind. “So what is the daughter of wealthy Jarrod Astraea doing in town? Not a place for you, is it?” Terra froze as she listened to the gruff voice from behind. “How do you know who I am?” She asked. She tried to steady her voice as best she could. “Everyone knows the Astraea family. Hard not to.” Terra swallowed hard. “So Tako,” he started. There must have been a second person with him. “What do you think Mister Astraea would pay for his little girl’s head?” “A pretty penny,” the second man said. Terra slowly turned to face them. She quickly scanned the market for Gene, but he was nowhere in sight. In fact, the vendor of the stand seemed to have evacuated at some point. Terra quickly tried to walk away and back into the crowd, but her arm was quickly snatched by one of the men. “Quiet, or I’ll cut you fuckin’ throat.” Tako threatened, holding a sharp blade to her neck. She could feel a warm drop of blood dip down. “Please, don’t do this,” Terra said softly. He plea only made Tako and the other man smile. “I like it when they beg,” The other man growled. He began to move towards her, and Terra closed her eyes tightly. I wish you were here… Terra thought about the large cat. And just when the feeling of desperation turned to fear, Terra felt something click inside. She could feel the cat, as if he was standing right next to her. “What the hell is that?” Tako exclaimed. Terra opened her eyes and saw the two men begin to back away. The cat was standing in between Terra and her attackers, his gray and black spotted fur standing on end. He was baring his massive fangs, and a loud growl escaped his maw. “What the hell is that thing?!” Tako cried. This grabbed the attention of other villagers roaming the market. With Tako’s elevated voice and the knife in his hand, the large cat lunged for the men. His jaw clamped down on Tako’s arm, and his large paws pinned the man to the ground. The cat jerked his head back and forth, taking Tako’s arm with it. Terra watched with wide eyes as Tako screamed in pain, trying to get away from the beast. “It’s ripping my fucking arm off!” Tako screamed. Tako’s partner grabbed a knife from its holster resting on his leg and went for the cat. Terra pushed him out of the way at that point, and as he tripped and fell to the ground, the knife went into his neck. Terra staggered back in fear. The people around them began to scream. “Stop it, stop it please!” Terra cried at the cat. Blood began to go everywhere. But the cat stopped, just as it was told, and looked at Terra with gentle eyes. He then walked over to her, pressing his head against her leg. “What is going on over here?” Gene yelled as he made his way through the crowd. He stopped with wide eyes as he looked at Terra and the creature before her. “Terra, what is that? What happened?” “Please Gene, it was protecting me!” Gene pulled out his own bow and aimed at the cat. The cat began to snarl as it turned its attention to Gene. “Kill that thing! It came out of nowhere and ripped my arm off!” Tako cried as he winced in pain. “Gene, put the bow down. He won’t hurt you! It’s my friend!” Terra pleaded. “It’s a dangerous, wild animal. Step away, Terra.” Gene ordered. Terra shook her head. “Fine. It won’t save the beast, though.” He said, and then pulled back his arrow. Feeling threatened, the cat went to lunge. Terra jumped on the cat, wrapping her arms around its neck. It lost its balance falling to the ground. The arrow then hit Terra’s thigh, grazing it. She let out a yelp, causing the cat to jump back into high alert. “Terra!” Gene cried. While Terra was still holding onto the cat, it took off, racing out of the market. People screamed in fear and cursed in anger, but no one made an attack in order to keep Terra safe. ~*~ Laying across her soft bed, Echo slept soundly waiting for Terra to come home. However, during his catnap, he heard her voice far off in her mind. Opening his eyes sleepily, he rose from his warm spot on the bed, stretched, and walked to the window. Echo, come here. I’m just passed the tree line. Terra’s voice was distressed, causing the cat’s heart to race. He trotted quickly out of her room and down the stairs. When he came to the kitchen door, leading out into the yard, he meowed and whined until one of the servants opened the door. Once the door was open, he took off. When the small cat finally made it to Terra, he sighed as he looked at her condition. What did you get yourself into? he asked. “Some men attacked me in town. They wanted to get money out of my father. The cat came and helped me, but caused a riot in town. Gene must be worried out of his mind.” Terra replied. She looked to the big can who in turn looked to her. He was back to being the gentle giant she had grown to know. You summoned it? Echo asked. Terra nodded. [/i]Then you know that will cause problems with your family. You made a pact with this animal. How do you expect to go on here? Your father will demand its death,[/i] Echo stated. “I could not summon him anymore. That would keep him safe.” She retorted. Echo’s tail twitched. Like that will happen, “Yeah….” There were a few moments of silence then. Terra contemplated what to do. The cat was now a part of her. She could summon this beast whenever she wanted, and she shared a mental bond with her house cat. Things were not going in her favor as far as being a Barovian was concerned. “We can leave,” She finally suggested. Echo nearly fell over. Leave?! What do you mean ‘leave’? We wouldn’t survive two days! What will we do for lodging? Food? Anything? “I have a bow…” Hah! You can barely use it! You don’t know how to hunt! We are not self sufficient at all! “I have money in my room. That will be enough to get us started somewhere. And besides, we don’t belong here. Never have. I am so different from my family, it would be easier for them if I left.” How do you plan to explain this to your father? “I’ll leave him a note. Tell him what happened, who I am, and that I am leaving for the betterment of the family. I will write to them to give them updates and let them know I am okay.” Yeah, that sounds like a great plan, Echo said sarcastically. Terra ignored it however as she looked to their new friend. “I guess we need to give you a name,” she said softly. She sat for a moment before saying, “How about Herdeus?” Strange name…. “I like it,” Terra said with a smile. At that moment, a new chapter began in Terra’s life. Using Herdeus, Terra stood, taking weight off of her injured leg. It was time to start something new and become the person she was meant to be. She was ready to see the world anyways. Edited by Oona, Jul 7 2013, 11:17 PM.
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| Luthe | Jul 8 2013, 01:13 PM Post #2 |
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Luthe has given this profile a rating of Complete. It was a cute story. I like that her history is true to her personality section (or vice versa). I like that we get to see and hear so much of her. It makes it easy to believe that she is who you say, and it gives me a good hope that she'll be easy for you to play in context. The only thing that I would immediately suggest to help get even more of her out of the story would be to give more action-oriented description in the scenes. Her body language and physical mannerisms would really add to the dialogue that you give her. I imagined her knees crossing and her slumping halfway down the tree when Herdeus first appeared and she let out that sob. And when she was looking out into the forest, I can imagine her leaning over the fence with her arms crossed, lazily but hopefully waiting for him to come back. The transitions from one scene to another are rough, but because you keep the same narrative tone, it's not quite so jarring as it could be. It's not an interesting part of the profile, usually (scene transition), but it helps the reader keep track of where we are and where we're headed. Side note: Your girl here is rail thin. Scary thin. Crazy thin. She might die if I don't feed her a pie. You don't explain her as that thin, but damn is she ever tall. Lastly (ending on a sour note), there are a few small grammatical errors. You also repeat a lot of words and phrases like "yet", "at times", "as well", and "well", especially in the first sections before the history. Those are the most difficult parts to read in this profile. They can be a little less flamboyant and a little more straightforward, considering that it's what most people will be wanting just a quick glance at when trying to interact with your character in passing. Pieces like "In bad weather, Terra can often wear a purple cloak that matches the color of her boots" sound awkward. Consider rephrasing them. Reading the profile out loud to yourself can help quite a bit in finding out what is going to sound good in the average reader's head, and what's just going to throw them for a loop. Because the character is a well written into her history, I'd say that the profile was a big success. You didn't need her baby years, early childhood, or adolescence in any great detail. Adding those pieces (int he same format that you've given us already) might be a good way to entertain us a little bit more, but it's not necessary to understand her character, I don't think. We get enough already from the little pieces strewn throughout the short story of her binding Herdeus and at the market. Nice work. |
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9:11 AM Jul 11