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| Rat; Formally Razza D'Nexus | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 27 2013, 12:01 AM (140 Views) | |
| SeafoamKazuo | Jul 27 2013, 12:01 AM Post #1 |
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Name: Razza D'Nexus Alias: Rat Race: Ghinaari/Barovian Age: 14 Born In: Alendia Raised In: Barovia Skills: ![]() ![]() ![]() Familiar: "The King of Apekind, His majesty Narinder, the lord of the treetops on windy days at dawn and on winter days when the sun shines. Otherwise known as Sir Narn, Brother Narn or Nanners. You can call him by his full title though." Would be how Razza announces him but the legitimacy of this claim is questionable at best. He is covered in fluffy soft white fur, all except for his mane and tail. Thought these parts of him are equally as fluffy as the rest of him. The mane crowns his head much like a lions, its color like fire, a fierce red with highlight of orange and yellow. This coloring follows his spine and encompasses his tail. Pact: Currently None Traits: None Handedness: Left-handed, even before she lost the right. Appearance: Rat has the appearance of a rag-doll that has been battered with use. Dirtied by time, unwashed and uncared for. Left to lie in the street never to be found or looked for. As for her appearance, Razza or Rat, tends to take after her Ghinaari heritage. Her skin a dark tan and her hair a raven-colored black, her ears would have even been pretty long had her mother not try to make them normal. Instead a whitish and rough scar covers the top part of both ears. In the end it made them look more pointed and jagged than they would have if she had let them be. The only thing that seems to betray that she is of impure blood would be the color in her eyes, a deep cerulean likened more like the sea than the sky. Six lines of white went out from the pupil and when her eyes shown in darkness it made it look like the blue was glowing around a black star, though the glow was a dim one, like the moon, rather than a bright one, like the Ghinaari's sun-kissed eyes. Though there are scars on her ears, these are not the most notable of malformations that Razza has. The most prominent and noticeable it is not cleverly disguised would be her right arm. Or rather lack thereof, the majority of the limb has been rent from her body, only a small part remained. A nub that connected to her shoulder so if she had to hold something there she would be able to, as long as it was not too unwieldy or large. The skin on the nub and shoulder is the same discolored white scar tissue as her ears. The only other malformation was not really one at all but more of a condition. Some might have thought that it was due to her heritage that she was so slender, but even the Ghinaari would know that the slenderness she possessed was unhealthy. Quite frankly Razza had been malnourished for a long time, giving her a frail appearance. She was wispy like smoke and just as easily bent. Ribs were far more prominent than they should have been. This sort of lack of sustenance left her shorted than what was average for a Ghinaari or even a human. She was around 4'8” in height, nearly as tall as an exceptionally tall Nurn. She hopes that it is not too late to get another growth spurt in though she does not think there will be much of a chance for that to happen. Attire: Psyche: Despite her deformities, Rat keeps the appearance of being a strong person. A smile is always on her face no matter what the situation is. She smiles at everything, death or happiness. If someone were to meet her once depending on the circumstances they'd either think she was mad or that she was a sweet individual full of kindness. Those who have known her for awhile know that she has never frowned at least not in front of them. In fact they probably could use a system to distinguish between her smiles by looking at the emotions which will show only in her eyes. Other than being a strong person one might notice a bit of a trouble-causing personality. As if the girl had decided to throw caution to the wind and wing it. She did what she wanted to which made her admirable or at least it would have if you did not know her personality. It was not as if Rat wanted to cause trouble or be a nuisance to people. It was just that she did not care for people in general. She did not get attached to people and as such did not mind when she caused them trouble. She's yet to find a true friend other than the doctor because she knows that people lie with their faces or even their smiles much like she did when she smiled. However, despite the negatives to her personality Rat actually is very sweet. It's just it takes awhile for her to ever trust anyone. She's a lonely person but she's convinced herself that she really does not mind being alone. That as long as she know herself she'll be fine not understanding that sometimes it takes the presence of others in order to find what one's self truly is. History: What I don't remember She loved her, purely. “It's no good... It's no good....” An older woman roughly grabbed at her hair and pulled harshly at the strands, Razza was six and was trapped by her new mother. They had arrived three years ago. Her father had taken sometime in a city in order to find her a wet nurse so that she could survive the trip and left later than he had intended on doing. The woman had been disgusted when he saw her or at least that was the face she saw before the smile settled. It happened every time she looked upon the woman's face. A forced smile, there was no joy in her expression unless it was looking at her father. The woman was grinning now though the grin was not the forced smile or even a happy one. She did not know what this grin meant as the woman pulled roughly on her hair. Strands of black becoming loosely entangled around shaking fingers. “It's no good... It's no good...” The woman harshly bit out as she roughly moved out taking with her hand strands of black hair. The woman spat and she could feel the spittle catch in her hair. Grossly thick and nauseating, she felt the woman step away, her presence was heavy in the girls mind. She felt a certain amount of relief when the woman left her side. Like a weight being lifted from her shoulders. Though with relief the girl also felt dread, listening she could tell the woman was still pacing the room. Feet falling heavily on the floor, how the situation had escalated was beyond the young girls knowledge. Razza shook in place, unwilling to look behind herself, she knew looking would only cause further strain in the woman. She started as there was a crash. Razza shut her eyes and clenched her teeth, her fingers strained with whitened knuckles as she held onto the seat she was sitting on. She needed to force herself to look forward, to force herself not to turn. Further clashes led to more starts from the girl until her eyes finally shot open. She looked ahead with widened as she heard the scraping of a knife agains wood. Again another mutter but this one was more insistent and clearer. “It's no good... no good at all... Those ears of yours.” She felt the woman closer and started when she heard a sharp pain on her ears. The sudden movement was stopped and there was a metallic clattering on the floor. A hand pushed down on her shoulder the other harshly gripped her head pressing her face into the table. Razza struggled under the grasp, but the sheer weight of the woman pinned her down, “Sssh.... Sshhh...” A thumb rubbed against her head as her the grip of the fingers grew stronger. It hurt, It hurt so much, her eyes swelled with tears as she choked back a sob. Her fingers loosely gripped the edge of the table still trying to resist. She felt small and heard a soft voice calling out to her, “It's okay.... mother loves you.... Mother loves you like her own.” The woman's grip loosened slightly and she could tell the lady was not facing her. The bosom that had been hard pressed to her back lifted away slightly. She was looking for whatever sharp implement had been dropped. “Mother will help you...” The woman's grip grew even looser as she thought the girl was soothed but in reality Razza had frozen with terror. As the woman bent Razza made another attempt to flee. She couldn't be still but again her movement were cut short and the woman grabbed her by her head with both hands, “STAY STILL!” The voice was not kind in the slightest, it was strangled and desperate, a whining keen. Razza screamed and cried out as she heard it, a bad idea, a very bad idea. “Quiet!” The woman yelled out as she slammed Razza's head into the table. She repeated the words and the actions for quite sometime. Each hit left Razza's head spinning and her vision dimming. In the end, as she was on the edge of oblivion she heard a voice, a strange, strange voice, “It's for your own good...” A final smack and Razza's consciousness fled only to awaken ears bloodied and ringing with pain. She could see bloodied and foreign familiar bits on the floor. Run. Run her heart told her and with no sign of the woman she fled into the streets. Tonic's are Rare Potions indeed She hid in the filth between alleys for days huddled down in the grim of the alleyways and shaking, she was soundless. A heavy bruise was on the right side of her face, blackening the skin along her cheek and swelling so that her one eye was shut. [Working on it] The Frown on Her Face Faded Upon A Request[ [Working on it] i]Accidents are More Common than True Acts of Kindness[/i] [Working on it] Another Mother [Working on it] The Street is full of Smiles While she wandered the streets alone Razza would always be greeted by kind faces and smiles. Though she did not know what those really meant when she was young. As she aged she began to realize that the faces were masks that the villagers had put on out of fear. For the house she lived in was constantly hiring help and that help never seemed to exit. Razza had only seen the empty halls and the crowded happy streets. It was after she came out at the age of eight with one of her limbs rent from her body that she began to see the nerves beneath the perfectly places smiles. The were painted smiles on masks that people wore in order to hide their fear. Razza did not know at first why their smiles seemed so pained but then realized as she neared her 12th year that their smiles were a mix of pity and disgust. The faces put on by the devout to try to convince heretics like her family to embrace the beauty of god. She was a demon in the eyes of some, an unfortunate in the eyes of others. Hands which once touched her lightly on the shoulder now drew back in disgust. As if they were touching something tainted or something that lied dead in the streets. Razza however, did not care for as long as they did not know she knew of their feelings she would still see their smiles. No matter what. Pretty Symbols can Create Things From Seemingly Nothing The doctor looked at what remained of her right arm. He had been researching it ever since he had saved Razza's life the day of the accident. He still could not believe that her parents had left her to fend for herself. The man looked over at Razza a sad yet stern look in his eyes. The girl was always smiling even on that day that she had lost her arms. It confused him and he wondered what caused that emotion in her. Meanwhile, his frowning had caused Razza some confusion. One day she spoke up. "You're always frowning?" The statement came out as more of a question as Razza watched him touch her arm, it really had no sensation though other than a dull tingling feeling which did not tell her where his fingers were on her arm. "I've been looking for a way to fix it but..." The man frowned, "It's beyond my skill. Maybe-..." He looked over at Razza for some sort of reaction frowning when he did not see one other than her smiling face. "It's alright to frown you know..." Razza blinked looking at him while biting her lip for a moment then giving a simple smile while sighing, "But... smiling is better... everyone smiles even if they do not mean it." Razza looked down at the ground, "Besides... smiling makes you feel better right. It said so in that book I read that I took from you." "Wait... what book?" The Doctor looked over at the bookshelves finally noticing a book missing on the theories of movement and health. He turned back towards Razza as she held out the book towards him. He took the book from her hand before placing it on the shelf. The man then picked up a book from the shelf and handed it to her, "Here... I'll let you write a few things from this book down in your notebook." Razza beamed, "OH~! SYMBOLS~!" She had learned to love symbols ever since she had met the doctor. Watching him use them was an amazing sight. Even if they were something that he had to practice in the darkness out of the sight of Strathmoor's Guards. They were just so intricate and amazing. However, most of them required you to use two hands, something that she could not do. But this book appeared to be made up of spells to cast quickly so a lot of them were one handed. "Now Now... I can really only teach you one from this book the rest are dangerous. At least for someone at your age." The man looked at her tapping the edge of the book on the top of her head. Razza put her hands on her head as if the bonk actually had hurt her physically but he could tell that she was not suffering any pain from it. Razza opened an eye to see him smiling and then grinned herself as she bounced in the chair that she was sitting in. The doctor paged through the book as if looking for the symbol. Razza was busy being impatient though, he liked to tease her by doing things slowly when she was excited. Razza smirked devilishly and then extended her arm to reach for the book only to have it moved out of her grasp causing her to fall off the chair she was sitting in and hit the ground. "Owch..." The doctor was laughing at her as she gave him a sheepish smile. The man stopped chuckling before showing her the page. "Now remember. Only use this spell in emergencies when you have to run." The doctor warned before pulling out a set of tinted goggles and setting them on her head. The man chuckled suddenly and Razza looked at him bemused wondering why the man was laughing at the goggle. "Sorry you remind me of someone with those on." Razza blinked and smiled, "Who?" "No one you should worry about he'd be a bad influence on you." Razza tilted her head confused, "Huh?" "Never mind. Anyway this symbol is called Flash Bomb." The man pointed at the symbol while Razza took out a notebook and furiously scribbled it down. "It creates a bright light so you'll want to pull those goggles down after you write it. Or before though after would probably be best." Razza looked at him, "Then what about the noise." "It doesn't make noise...." The man frowned as Razza looked at him as if he said something silly. "It's just a flash of light. I suppose the bomb part would make you think that though..." The man reached forward ruffling Razza's hair as soon as she was done writing, "I have to get to work now. I'll teach you another one tomorrow." Razza beamed at him again as she shoved the notebook into the pack before slinging the pack over her shoulder. "Okies. Tomorrow then!" She waved goodbye before shrugging her pack back up on her shoulder and running off. She was excited she definitely wanted to learn more about symbols from the doctor. However by tomorrow Razza would be gone. How do I care for the dead? A Mass of Mangled Limbs They were so concerned with escape that they hurried too much. The experiment had to be completed and they were so close to an answer that they could not move now. Even with the guards and the citizenry beginning to notice their existence. They had to complete it quickly and that is were they made their mistake. Simply a miswritten symbol on the circle they created. With violence; the magic that they had been sacrificing lives for turned against them. It exploded. What Razza saw should have made her stomach turn and it should have made her cry but instead she only smiled. She could not feel bad for them because she had barely known her mother and her father she never saw but they were together now in a way. There was no saving them. Their flesh combined; legs coming from legs, arms coming from arms, and arms coming from legs all attached to a miserable pile of gelatinous sludge that was her parents. It was partially forming partially breaking down. It could not have been alive and if it was it would not be soon. Though she was crying she could feel no misery for their combined corpse. She walked away a tear-streaked smile on her face. She did not speak except for a hysterical laughter echoing in the empty house as she walked briskly towards her room. Grabbing everything that she thought she would need she continued to move. Laughing all the while in her mind there was twisted sense of murderous intent though there was nothing she could kill. Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid The mantra is in her head as she walked towards a garage in the back of the house. People began to gather and watch as the girl rolled out a large barrel of fluid using her weight to do so. They wondered what her purpose was no one made a move to help or stop the girl. They merely watched what she did with curious fascination until she pushed the barrel into the house she lived in. Some stayed, most left and a few ran off to try to find some form of law or church official feeling that something was up. The house however remained silent until Razza came running from the building. The people who were still there looked over at her wondering why she was in such a panic. Razza blinked as the house exploded behind her. The force of the wind and heat behind her pushing her body forward. Her back ached and for one second regret showed truly on her face. A frown was on her face; a pained expression that spoke for the multitude of years she had spent lonely before she found herself faced planted into the ground. The crowd gasping and screaming from beyond her. They did not know what was happening or what caused the fire. Razza pushed herself up with her hand wincing from the pain in her back when the pack nearly crushed her after her fall. She looked up a smile on her face as a man stepped forward from the crowd. It was a Guard. Her crime was arson. She however did not want to be caught. They did not expect her to do anything against them so when she raised her hand and wrote in the wind they thought nothing of it. A gauntleted hand reached forward to grab her as she pulled down her goggles. A blinding light was blocked from her goggles. She felt a hit to her head by the gauntlet and the pain of it caused a horrible ringing in ears. Enough to drown out most of the sounds around her. Sweet Silence she needed it now more than ever in her confusion. She ran and escaped into the night though where she was going she did not know. She was eleven when she became Rat. Arsonic Rat Run. Run as fast as you can. She had to escape Barovia, it was no longer a place that would be safe for her to stay in. Even if she was a child magic was so deeply mistrusted here it would only end in her death if she stayed. She would miss the doctor her only friend and she could only hope that one day she would see him again, but there was no one else for her here. There was no one else anywhere at all. She had to leave and cast away the cinders of her burning past but how. That was the problem, she knew nothing of the world and had nothing to her name. Even if she did she was certain that she would be immediately recognized as a danger to the public. [Working on it] Edited by SeafoamKazuo, Jul 29 2013, 03:52 PM.
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| Luthe | Jul 27 2013, 03:38 PM Post #2 |
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I understand that it's not complete, but... Luthe has given this profile a rating of Complete. You technically have all of the parts needed. I'm going to move it, but you should update us when the profile is finished for a second review. There are a few grammatical errors and misspellings (likely typos). The profile sells itself strongly in the beginning, trying to convince the reader of who and what Rat is with the personality section. I'm not a fan of the personality section in profiles, myself, because they usually precede the history/story of the character, which is where a reader should take most of their knowledge about a character from. Reading what we need to believe about her (or any character) in the personality makes me put my hands on my hips and say "where's the proof". It's only slightly distracting. Personality sections insist on themselves, and usually don't do justice to the greater profile. Yours works fine once we read the history and understand that this creature that you're describing and her personality are justified to existence. Once we actually dip into her history, the parts that you do have build her up with some very believable scenes. Powerful imagery exists in the arson scene. I think you still need to build up to this and reinforce the reason for her brokenness, which makes sense, given that the history is yet incomplete - I'm skipping ahead and cheating in my read of it, basically. The bit with the doctor was sickeningly adorable. I think it gave me diabetes for being so sweet. I believe that she has it in her to be broken. I believe that she has it in her to see masks. I believe that she can experience genuine happiness. As you continue to develop, I don't doubt that you can show us these things in detail justly due. The appearance was charming. The scars are stark, and stand out in my mind. I shivered for her when you told us how thin and small she was from malnutrition. You do good work. |
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9:11 AM Jul 11