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| Soren Porter | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 29 2013, 07:13 AM (169 Views) | |
| Lucian | Jul 29 2013, 07:13 AM Post #1 |
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Name: Soren Porter Title (Self Given): Soren the Horizon Walker Race: Human (Barovian) Gender: Male Age: 22 Abilities: ![]() Personality: A kind man, always respectful, well, to the ladies and elderly at least. Soren often caused trouble, however. He frequented bars and whenever any of the customers got handsy or rude to one of the waitresses he would step in and make them look the fool. Give them a few bumps too. He never liked the 'feel' of things being unjust but, really, beyond the occasional bar fight he never stuck out himself out there to change things. He always tried to go with the flow. Still, though, he often thought about that nasty feeling he got in his stomach whenever he walked away from one situation or another. He once told me that feeling was one of the few things he hated in this world. It normally drove him to go back so he could try to fix things. He was in no way a fool though, and he knew better to pick fights he couldn't win. He certainly wasn't a revolutionary nor a martyr. Now, that boy Soren, he was a good man. He never did anything wrong himself, no indeed. He was always quick to smile too. Not one to sit and sulk over spilled milk, so to speak. He always kept moving on. He was a free man, not bound anywhere by anything. He had many friends around the world and he was always welcome. A joy to have around whenever he came, which wasn't too infrequently. He never overstayed his welcome though. A carefree spirit, that one. He always kept his cool, even in a fight. His movements were very controlled and fluid. When he spoke, his voice was soft but assertive. He almost never raised his voice. He would coolly explain every action he took. I never once heard of him acting purely on his feelings. While he never lied to me personally I know several times when he made up a story for one reason or another. Impress a lady, maybe, or scare off the odd drunkard. He had a silver tongue and could easily get his way with most. Physical Characteristics: Probably about 28 when I met him, Soren was a handsome lad. He had beautiful soft blue eyes. He always had his hair pulled back into that ponytail. It never got much longer than the bottom of his neck. Speaking of his hair, in all the year I knew him I never once saw a grey hair hidden among the light brown. Truth be told I never really saw any signs of aging. His skin was fair with no blemishes of any kind. Honestly, in all my time, I don't think I ever saw him get so much as a scratch. Of course, I wasn't around for everything. Soren was quite tall, at least compared to me. He stood about 6' even, maybe a little more. My wife always said he looked scrawny, too. She always tried to plump him up with extra helpings of everything when he came around. he graciously accepted but never seemed to gain a pound. Unlike me. He couldn't have weighed much more than three-quarters of what I do, so somewhere near 170 or 180 pounds. Attire: His clothes were often very plain. Which seemed to match his personality. Very laid back and comfortable in most cases. Whenever he would come in from whatever his last adventure was he often had on plain brown or tan pants and shirt with a collar and buttons. Almost never wore a jacket, he liked being in the elements, no matter what they were. If he did wear one it was always the same one. Old and worn brown leather. Looked older than he did, honestly. He always carried around a rapier at his side. I only ever saw him draw it once and that was when I first met him and asked to test its balance. A wonderful piece of work. I would like to shake the hand and give a word of admiration to my fellow blacksmith that made the weapon. I could tell it was made just for the boy and Soren clearly took pride in having it. I never did get a straight answer about who made it, though. A shame, it is. History: A wonderful life He used to tell me stories of his life, his younger years. Whenever I would ask about his travels he would instead take me all the way back to his childhood. It sounded like he had a happy life. For years now, once he stopped coming by, I've sorted all of the stories he sent to me in letters and wrote down myself. I'll do my best to keep it organized as I explain it to you. Soren was born on a farm. It wasn't too far from a small village but far enough away that he never had too many friends. Soren had a tight bond with his family, though. His two parents and his sister. His mother was kind and loving, his father hardworking and tough, his sister, so young and sweet. Really he only told me stories of how he would wake up in the morning and help his dad or help cook dinner with his mother. Somehow, despite his only being 28 years old, I always got the feeling that he was remember some long gone time. I never quite understood it. Anyway. His childhood was filled with these great memories. Playing with his sister, running around the farm and the village. Often he would go off on 'adventures' with his little sister and wander off into the unknown for the day. It makes me smile just to think about it. It almost reminds me of my childhood. The teen years Other than those reminiscent stories of his youngest years with his family, he told me about some of his actual travels. None that were recent, though. Most of these were trips with his father. Soren would go into the village from time to time on his own, but when he got old enough his father started to take him into the cities and other towns that weren't too far away. So they could sell their crops of course. Though their life was comfortable, money was still important. He told me that his parents, when he left home, gave him a hefty sum of money they had saved up. Well, I'm getting ahead of myself. On his first visits to the cities the lad was amazed. Of course, who wouldn't be? Some of the cities around here are quite impressive indeed. Especially if you've only known there to be ten or so buildings in one place before. Soren was great at explaining and letting me almost feel what he felt. The excitement of seeing so many big buildings and people of all kinds. So many vendors and shops. He said he might have been intimidated by such a place but his dad was always there with him. Of course, on these trips they would be gone for days at a time. That means they needed to stay in a tavern whenever they got to wherever they were going for the night. Now, Soren, just being in his teenage years, usually kept to his father's side. He watched what his father did and learned. Soren would often talk about how, if one of the drunken people in the tavern started to cause trouble his father was the one to stop it. And, well, I could believe it. According to Soren, his father was of a different build than he was. Built sturdy, strong. The kind of guy you wouldn't want to get hit by. His dad was also kind, though. He never lost control of his anger, no matter the situation, and never overdid it in the fight. one or two punches was usually enough for the other man to get the point. While blood was drawn often, nose bleeds, bloody mouths and other things of the sort, every time his father got into a fight he would take time to talk to Soren. He would explain that he only did what he did to help people in need. Absent and regretful The last story Soren ever told me was about the death of his father. He said he was near 20 years old and decided not to go on a trip with his father into the city. This trip, though, was going to end differently than all the rest. A couple weeks had past and his father was overdue to return. Soren, and the rest of the family, were clearly worried that something had happened so Soren went to look for him. He knew the route because he had gone with his father plenty of times by this point. He asked in all of the places they usually stopped but they had no useful information. Until he got to the last city. He walked into the tavern they always stayed at and was greeted with a sad look from the barkeep. Soren, with a lump in his throat asked him about his father and got the story. A bar fight broke out and his father had gotten involved. Just trying to break it up. This fight was different though. Both men were armed and Soren's father was clearly outmatched with only his fists. He tried all the same but was killed by one of the men in the scuffle. Soren returned home. This was the one story he never went into detail about how he felt. I could still feel his pain, though. He was close to his father. He was Soren's role model. I can only imagine that, for a time, he blamed himself. He often eluded to those kinds of feelings. Not that he had them anymore, but that he knew what regret felt like. After he gave the news to his family he told me that he packed up and left. That was when his mother gave him the money she and his father had saved. Neither his mother or his sister wanted to see him go, but they understood. He promised them that he'd visit often and bring home money for them. He never said where he was going to go, though. He simply said his goal was the horizon. So began his wandering days. He found this place a few year after that, I suppose. He visited quite frequently for eight years or so but I haven't seen him for a while. It has to have been at least that long since we've heard any sign of him. I wonder about him sometimes, though. Wonder where he is and how he's doing. Or perhaps he finally finished his journey and found the horizon. The destination he'd been searching for. ----------------- The teen thanked the old man for his time and walked out of the house. He was no closer to finding out where his father might be. He sighed. He already knew more about Soren's adventures than the old man did. That is where we will begin. A few years after Soren left his home. Edited by Lucian, Jul 29 2013, 07:20 AM.
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| Kilik | Aug 1 2013, 12:56 PM Post #2 |
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Keep it short, but embellish
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wonderful read., a thought i have is to say to go ahead and drop the normal profile build. Set the scene with a young man coming into the bar in the beginning so that the ending doesnt feel forced nor cut off so abruptly and the reading would, should, feel much more fluid. apart from that, ths profile feels solid and the story telling as it is told makes it feel very renowned. Something feels off as well, is the boy at the ending soren's son? We have no knowledge of soren having a relationship shen he was younger. Nor much information about soren himself. |
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| Lucian | Aug 2 2013, 12:35 PM Post #3 |
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It was kind of tricky for me, too. There are hints enough throughout the bio to suggest that Soren, by the time he met the old man at least, somehow found the secret to never aging. The young man at the end is his son whose story will be told if I make him into a character. The relationship that would have been necessary was not, however, part of Soren's history that he was particularly proud of as he left his lover to travel again without much of a warning. That being said, it's not a story Soren would have told to the old man. |
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| Queen Vakarian | Aug 17 2013, 01:59 PM Post #4 |
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Wither and Die
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Ok, I'm coming in to do a review ![]() The personality is good. I say good because while I can get an idea of him, some parts seem to contradict each other. Not in a full sense, but it's like Soren is mixed between people. You say he is cool and controlled and yet he causes trouble often? Things like that appear also for the father as well later in the writing. I just feel like there might have been a mix in the writing while you created him. I suppose a character is never one way or other, but they do tend to sway closer to one side. Generally speaking that is. Overall the personality is good and everything feels like it's there. Personality can only be explained so far, so I'm sure there will be more when you actually start rping with him Now the appearance. You have most of what an appearance 'needs'. I personally could go for more of what his face looks like, but it's nothing that I feel is required. I personally use pictures of my characters to help clear any gaps. But again, that is a personal way of approaching it. Overall appearance I feel is complete and people should be able to get an idea of what he looks like while still having room for their own creativity. Again if you are looking for a more solid picture of him, I'd bring more about the face and/or a picture to help you out. But it's not something that you need. History! I feel like the transitions are quite jumpy. I'm sure that is how you wanted it, but they feel really disconnected. Seeing how you are doing this as a story, I would suggest making the transitions between his life stages more fluid. It prepares the reader for what comes next. Early years are always hard I think. You don't want to put too much into it while having enough for people to get an idea of what childhood is like. I feel like you did that nicely. He had a simple childhood with fun in it. That's enough for the reader. Only thing I'd add would be more about where he is from. What is the town's name? Where is it located? If it's not actually on the map, I'm sure no one would be mad if you made up your own so long as it fits the lore/location/ect. Since you are telling this from a third party, I don't feel like there really needs to be more about the places he goes as far as descriptions of them, but if you can find a good place to put that in there, I think it would add to the story telling. Maybe just pick out a specific time he went to one or his reaction to the first visit where you can place more description there. I only say that because you aren't setting yourself in one of the already established locations in the world, so might help out the read in getting idea of where they are and what it's like. I'm not sure where you transitioned between teen and child via years, which is fine. I feel like the teen years could be plumped up abit more. While yes we understand that he travels with his father, what does he do as a teen? Does he work? Does he go to school? Nothing super big needs to be mentioned, but I think having something would make Soren feel more full. If that makes sense... Same idea for the his adulthood. You say Soren visits often, but hasn't in some time. When was the last time he came by? Did he ever mention his travels or where he went or wanted to go? Small bits of information like that I think help make it seem more full in the story telling of a biography. Overall: Now I understand what you are doing with your bio and I think the idea. I think the story itself is great and nicely done. I've given you some feedback on each section. Obviously I don't know how well everything will fit into the story itself based on where you are going with it, but I think it would help if you are able to mold it with what you have thus far. My biggest complaint with this bio is the wording. The wording is choppy and feels awkward in some places. The biggest example of this is the personality section. I feel like we jump between his traits rather than being fluid and letting each piece lead into the next. This happens throughout the bio. Transitions also feel difficult. I'm mentioned this already. It's a complete bio no matter how you look at it, so job well done :D. I do like the approach you took very much. I'd say tweaking it will allow you to get renowned in no time. Good Job! |
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9:11 AM Jul 11