Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
----Random Tip----

----------------------

North Valentis: Winter | South Valentis: Summer
Welcome to Mythwood. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features.

Username:   Password:
Ardeshir Babakan
Topic Started: Aug 2 2013, 10:52 AM (195 Views)
Afshar

Name:
Ardeshir Babakan

Race:
Shapeshifter/Snake

Gender:
Male

Age:
20

Abilities:
Druid :Sunbeam/ Plant alchemy/ Companion

Appearance
Human: He is 1.9 M tall and lean, with defined muscles. He does not have any hair on his body because of his shape shifting blood. His eyes are lidless as well. He has pale skin and ordinary ears. Two of his teeth are longer than the others, sharp and hollow. These teeth are connected to his venom glands. He also has a forked tongue in his human form, making his sense of small far stronger than normal humans.

Snake: . 200 cm long. He is not very thick.The snake does not have deadly venom, his venom only disables the target for a few minutes, but he is fast while in snake form. The snake is sand colored.

Clothing and Attire
He wears black boots and pants. As well as plate forearm protectors and a black cuirass. He sometimes wears a helmet, to hide his face. The leather he wears he has made with his own hands from prey killed by his venom.

Ardeshir carries a lot of weapons. He has a dirk strapped to the left side of his belt, a slim chain wrapped around his left forearm for strangling people, a 20cm knife hidden under his right forearm protector, and He carries a Katana all the time. He also has two long knifes (25 cm) strapped to the outside of his thighs.

I imagine it like this

Personality

He is a real pragmatist, he loves nature more than anything else so his greatest concern is protecting the nature. A secondary concern for him, nearly as important as nature are those he calls friends.

His goal in life is to uproot the city and village living humans and make them nomads again, returning them to the embrace of Mother Nature, To level cities and plant forests in their place, and to kill those ignorant peasants who by farming the land destroy the soil.

Believing that deceit, blackmail, and subterfuge are completely acceptable parts of war, he is not afraid of using them against his enemies. Even though most of them never know they are at war with him until they are dead.

Ardeshir has a commanding presence, he has never commanded any group bigger than a couple of men, but he has the ability to do it. He never speaks with a loud voice, nor does engage in useless confrontations like most mammals do. When a snake strikes, it strikes to kill and Ardeshir does not consider creatures smart enough to talk part of the nature.

It was mentioned before that Ardeshir cares a lot for his friends. Mostly because of the fact that he has so few of them. The things he appreciates in friends are dirty minds and loyalty. He has never betrayed someone he called friend is his short life.

History
I became aware for the first time when more than five winters had passed since my birth. I remember being stuck in the form of a small human child for five more winters before my father thought me how to change back into snake form.

We lived underground, under a forest. I remember a lot of roots in our home. There were very thick, so thick that I could not fold myself around them, although my father was big enough to do so. He always admonished me when I turned into a snake; he was very embarrassed about my small size.

I was unlike my father in almost any way possible. He was small human, and by the time I was twelve I was bigger than him. He was a powerful snake and I was a useless one. He believed in hiding and I believed in fighting.

My tutor was the most influential person in my life; I don’t remember when he came to live with us or where he came from. I know he was a shapeshifter because of his strange appearance but never in my life did I see him change. He started teaching me the use of human arms when I was still a small human, despite my father's disagreement.

I still remember the first day of our lessons. He brought me above ground for the first time. Then he made me run for hours before breaking a branch that was dying and starting to carve it into a sword. He made a bokken for me that day.

He started teaching me about Mother Nature from the first day, how I should only worship her and not the deity the rest of shapeshifter worshipped. Mother Nature loves all things natural and hates all things imposed on her.

A few months after, He started teaching me about the ways of nature. How we should protect the nature in every way we can. That day he showed me his powers and promised me that one day I would be “far stronger than he could ever be”.

Fifteen winters after my birth, Setud sent me out in the wild. He said I had learned all he could teach me. He gave me directions to the nearest city so that I could see what humans do to nature.He also gave me his own Katana, it was a great honour for me.

One of the most important things Setud taught me was something that had nothing to do with fighting or Mother Nature. He told me that when I gave a promise, I should uphold it whatever happens. He lived by that code and during the years it has become one of the most important parts of my life.

I traveled for the next couple of years, encountering nothing redeeming about humans in all my travels. My first interesting encounter after leaving home was in the great city of Tempus.

In Tempus, I met a human shaman who thought like me, a lot like me; He invited me to live with his tribe and I accepted. There,I learned horsemanship and cavalry tactics from the young men of his tribe. My first battle was against one of their rivals, the cause of battle was theft of three goats. It was during my first charge in a battlefield that I understood this was what I wanted to do. I wanted to be in a battlefield, charging the enemy and killing them.

I left the tribe after this battle, they had nothing more to teach me and I was eager to explore the world. When I parted ways with Shaman Korlach I called him a friend for the first time.

The next interesting encounter of my travels happened in the city of Strathmoor. I arrived there by ship hating it from the first second. This was what my mentor had trained me for. This was what I was supposed to do in my life. I had to level this monstrosity, this proof of the humanity’s wish to kill Mother Nature.

I have forgotten to say how I made money for my travels; I used to offer my services as a guard for trade caravans. I had never needed to fight until this point in my story.

I wanted to see Siciny, so I accepted the offer of a weapon merchant to travel with him, Halfway there a band of soldiers attacked us; We were outnumbered and they were far better trained than most of my comrades. I did not suffer any injuries but I was captured during the fight.

The merchant was dead and my promise to defend him broken; the only thing I could do now was revenge. So I waited until we stopped for the night and then I waited some more until our guard was sleepy. When I felt safe enough I shapeshifted into my snake form, slipped out of my chains and shapeshifted back, then I started cutting the throats of my captors in their sleep. I killed a lot of them in the darkness before they could organize themselves. That was when I shapeshifted and slipped between their lines into the commander’s tent. I bit him, changed back to human and started killing them off from behind their lines. By the morning not a single one of the remained alive.

I crawled all the way to a Sicinese castle (believe it or not, crawling is faster in the long run for me,). There I joined their household men at arms. Fighting for Sicinese military was different than fighting with my nomad brothers. Their weapons were different, their tactics were different and their goals were different. I even participated in a small skirmish against Barovian military; they did not stand a chance against the disciplined Sicinese soldiers.

The fourth summer after my departure, I returned to Barovia. The city had changed a lot in the single year I was absent. It had become even more heinous. I did not remain in the city long, I joined a small merchant ship in a voyage back to Tempus.

In Tempus I boarded another ship, this time heading for desert of Alendia, one of the few locations I had never went to.


Animal Companion: A light brown Golden Eagle.

He found this eagle when he was traveling near Novigrond on the ground. The chick was not big enough to feed itself and Ardeshir knew that the parents would not feed him of he was outside of the nest. He fed the animals until it was an adult and then, because he needed someone to protect him from aerial predators in his snake form, he bonded the animal.

She is named Goldie and is a relatively big specimen. She is currently four years old. Ardeshir does not normally let her come near him when he is in contact with humans, because he does not want them to think he has any special powers.

Eyes in the Sky: Ardeshir can see through his eagle’s eyes. This sight does not disrupt his normal sight, although it distracts him to much if he wants to pay attention to both sets of visual sensors. [Pending approval, do I need to PM someone for this? It’s fairly straightforward]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Eagle
Edited by Afshar, Aug 7 2013, 09:06 AM.
Offline Profile Quote ^^^
 
Afshar

Okay, it is complete in my eyes. I would appreciate any comments.
Offline Profile Quote ^^^
 
Akio Fairchild
Member Avatar
Friendly but Annoying
while I am not yet finished, I did want to make notes as I go, as i have a terrible memory...

The main thing thhat gets me is your shifter form, as I recall, the shifters are supposed to, in their bestial form, retain a good deal of their human-esque features, meaning that turning into a full-on snake would be out of the picture. I may be mistaken, but that's how I recall it, and it might be worth looking into.

You mention leathers, but I do not know what thhat means... Are all his clothes made of leather? If so, yikes, that's gotta be uncomfortable. Suffer for style, tho... I get that!~ In the same section, you talk about medium length knives and the such, I would suggest using some measurements, inches or centimeters (medium small and the like are so vague, but that's really more of a personal gripe).

I'm also confused about your relationship with your father, mainly, in that, while he was big and powerful, he chose to hide, which is asymptomatic of large predators, who normally have camoflague, yes, but are very aggressive, while the smaller beasts tend to be more about survival by not being noticed.

While you mentioned that your tutor looked wierd, you really didn't describe him, which would do a lot to draw people in (in fact, interesting descriptions, I find, are really important to profiles altogether). In fact, you didn't even give him a name until you mentioned that he sent you out into the world. I was only really sure that was your teachers name by context clues, and I am not sure if that is how you meant to write it, or it was an oversight.

You have him understand in Tempus that he wants to fight. I think it would be interesting to see his course of emotions and thoughts on the subject, perhaps during or after the battle. It would help to round out your character's personality to us, and it would make for an interesting read. It's simply a matter of show vs. tell. It's more interesting to read a story, than to hear it secondhand.

Other than those few things (and I am sorry about the volume, please don't let it discourage) I am really liking how this profile came along. There are a few spots where the flow is sort of broken, for example the area where he's essentially saying:

"I HATE HUMANS! KILL ALL HUMANS!"

Oh, b-dubs, I make my living as a sellsword~

Anyways, here's a story about me as a sellsword.

I think it would actually much better flow to completely cut out that section on how you make your money, and instead, incorporate it into the next paragraph, for example:

Quote:
 
I wanted to see Sciciny, so I accepted the offer of a weapon merchant to travel with him. It was not uncommon for me to travel this way: I'd reach my destination, and in the process, I'd get paid a sizeable amount of coin. However, halfway to the city, a band of soldiers attacked...



And of course, anything else is just typos and missed words. I would suggest going through this bad boy with a fine-toothed comb and double-checking thhat everything is kosher. Most of what I saw, however, was homophones, which might make that a bit rough...

Anyways... Good luck, and happy human hunting~

Offline Profile Quote ^^^
 
Afshar

First: Thanks for commenting.

Now to the more important part.
Quote:
 
as I recall, the shifters are supposed to, in their bestial form, retain a good deal of their human-esque features, meaning that turning into a full-on snake would be out of the picture.


Quote:
 
Most shapeshifters are lycan, though others have been known to exist. Pure shapeshifters have human features in their hybrid form


I think human form= hybrid form


Quote:
 
You mention leathers, but I do not know what thhat means... Are all his clothes made of leather?

Yes. I do have a terrible terrible leather fetish unfortunately. It does cross over to writing.

Quote:
 
you talk about medium length knives and the such, I would suggest using some measurements, inches or centimeters


I can do this, but I personally don't think it's necessary. The main reason I didn't give any measurements was because I wasn't sure where knives turned into swords. :d

Quote:
 
I'm also confused about your relationship with your father, mainly, in that, while he was big and powerful, he chose to hide, which is asymptomatic of large predators, who normally have camoflague, yes, but are very aggressive

I'm no expert on animals, but from what I've seen in my camping trips/ read I think you are mistaken here. Most animals shy away from encounters with humans.(Unless they see the human as food of course.) I thought it was natural that a were animal born in the wild would be like that.


Quote:
 
While you mentioned that your tutor looked wierd, you really didn't describe him

Guilty as charged, I said he was a lycan but couldn't bother to think of an animal cool enough for him, So I just laid the description vague.


Quote:
 
In fact, you didn't even give him a name until you mentioned that he sent you out into the world.

I will correct this. It was not intentional.


Quote:
 
It's simply a matter of show vs. tell. It's more interesting to read a story, than to hear it secondhand.

Errm. I'm really bad at writing fighting. I try to do it, but as you can notice later in the post I'm not good at it.

Quote:
 
"I HATE HUMANS! KILL ALL HUMANS!"

Oh, b-dubs, I make my living as a sellsword~


I lol'ed when I read this comment. I think I will probably strike that sentence and put it somewhere earlier.

Quote:
 
Most of what I saw, however, was homophones


Noooooooooooooo. I hate it when I make spelling mistakes.
Most of my mistakes are because I'm not sure of the spelling, so I write the first thing that comes to mind and then let Microsoft Word correct it. Me=Lazy ass

And last, I know understand why some people write for the heck of it. I get one comment post about a little post and it made my totally miserable day a lot better.
Edited by Afshar, Aug 4 2013, 12:01 PM.
Offline Profile Quote ^^^
 
The Gunslinger
Member Avatar
Administrator
Mm, the shapeshifter topic might need clarification. When Davina wrote the descriptions for animal/hybrid form they didn't make a lick of damn sense. I'm not sure the edits I made were much better.

As a shifter, things generally play out like this:

Human form. In this case, you might have some minor snakelike features (forked tongue, vertical pupils).

Hybrid form. A synthesis between your snake form and your human form. This is purely optional, but it's the kind of thing that people think of most commonly when they hear werewolves (wolves walking on two feet like humans). In this case, your skin and head might be full-on snake, but you'd retain your arms and legs. If you've ever played Dark Souls, the snake people in Sen's Fortress could be an example. Of course, what this actually looks like is purely up to you, and using a hybrid form isn't necessary.

Shifted form. In this case, a big snake.


I'll get an actual review up for the profile a little later.
Offline Profile Quote ^^^
 
Classix
Member Avatar

In other words you can not make your self into a small snake until you gain the ability transform (if you want to use it) as you are a Druid! (Yippie).
Offline Profile Quote ^^^
 
Afshar

Quote:
 
the shapeshifter topic might need clarification.

Yes it does.

Quote:
 
Shifted form. In this case, a big snake.

Classix
Aug 5 2013, 01:35 AM
In other words you can not make your self into a small snake until you gain the ability transform (if you want to use it) as you are a Druid! (Yippie).

I don't understand, Is there a size restriction? If there is then why?
Edited by Afshar, Aug 5 2013, 05:49 AM.
Offline Profile Quote ^^^
 
Luthe
Member Avatar

Shapeshifters gain the "Shifter" trait, as outlined here. They can grow or shrink to some small degree. Lycanthropes, for instance, often grow slightly larger when moving from a human form into a werewolf form.

Large-scale size changes will require additional skills or spells to accomplish. The Druid Transform ability is a rank 2 skill, and easy to obtain. It allows you to turn yourself or others into much smaller or larger creatures.

Shifter reads: "Shift between one designated form and your natural form. You can even half-shift (this is a common practice for lycanthropes)! Multiple shifting forms require multiple purchases of the Shifter trait."

I've added a new note to the trait for clarification: "Shifted forms should be roughly ( ! ) the same size as natural forms."

It's a good trait, and Transform is another good one.

You might also consider the "Swarm" trait once you reach 100 posts and get your first token. It allows your character to melt down into many small critters (dozens of small snakes!).

It's only a hop, skip, and jump to pick up an extra skill, if you weren't already planning on going deep into Druid. Even if there's that small obstacle in your way, it shouldn't be too dampening on your progress. I have a similar problem where I have to dip into the Mage class to reach Fire and Cure before I can move on to what I want (Dark Mage).
Offline Profile Quote ^^^
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Free Forums with no limits on posts or members.
« Previous Topic · Complete Characters · Next Topic »

Misty Woods created by Helena & Cory of ZNR