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BOOKS I WROTE AT AGE 7
Topic Started: Jul 5 2013, 04:58 PM (134 Views)
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Alright. When I was 7 years old I wrote these three "novels" titled "The Cowboys". I just found them while clearing out some stuff in my room. It's the stupidest shit ever, seriously. Anyway, gonna type them up so you can read them and share in this nostalgia (even though it wont be nostalgic for you in any way, just 100% retarded). I wont type all three at once since the handwriting is god awful and almost impossible to decipher. If you don't even care about the rest, please tell me to save me the effort. kthnx enjoy. Oh one more thing, it should also be noted that the stories take place in present day New York.

The Cowboys

Chapter I

Once there were three cowboys. A boy called Sheriff Pete, a boy called Titchy Bill and a... We don't know called Bucklehead. Bucklehead was an outlaw and he/she kept robbing banks. Sheriff Pete was always trying to stop Bucklehead. Titchy Bill just got caught up in everything. One day Sheriff Pete was chasing Bucklehead and Bucklehead got on a train. The wind blew a note out of her pocket and it said "10:15 BANK ROBBERY PLANS AT: WAREHOUSE 789!" "I've got you now, Bucklehead!" chuckled Sheriff Pete. At 10:15, Sheriff Pete went to Warehouse 789 just like the note said he found... Nothing! Suddenly Bucklehead dropped down. She had a Specially Enhanced Death Ray (S.E.D.R) in her hands and she was pointing it at Sheriff Pete. "I knew you'd fall for my trap!" shouted Bucklehead. "Now prepare to get your tushie zapped!" Suddenly Titchy Bill came into the warehouse. "What are you doing here?" asked Bucklehead and Sheriff Pete at exactly the same time. "I always come here on Tuesdays to watch a movie." said Titchy Bill. "A MOVIE?!" Shouted Bucklehead "But this is a deserted warehouse!" "No." Said Titchy Bill "It's a cinema called Warehouse 789... It's just a snazzy title." "Oh." Said Sheriff Pete. "I'll go home then." "NO YOU WON'T!" Said Bucklehead. "I still have my SEDR! and..." She then realised that Sheriff Pete and Titchy Bill had gone.

Chapter II

The next day Sheriff Pete decided to take a nice relaxing walk when suddenly a big evil claw picked him up and took him to a well hollowed out underground house! Sheriff Pete could see that the claw had also got Bucklehead and Titchy Bill! "What's going on?" Asked Sheriff Pete. "A big evil genius with long claws has taken us to his lair so he can kill us!" replied Bucklehead. "Oh." Said Sheriff Pete "Haven't you got that death ray?" asked Titchy Bill. "Oh yeah" said Bucklehead. "She picked up her SEDR and fired it at the evil genius with long claws. "Ow." Said the evil genius with long claws. He dropped them. "Yay!" Shouted Titchy Bill. "We're free!" "Listen you stupid cowboys" Shouted the evil genius with long claws. "Wait" said Bucklehead. "I'm a cowgirl not a cowboy!" "SHUT UP!" screamed the evil genius with long claws. "I am The Cowkiller. I kill everything with the word 'cow' in it. And after I've killed you, I will kill all the cowboys, cowgirls, cowbabys, cowoldmen and cowoldladies and cowcats and cowdogs, cowcows, cowlions, cowmonkeys and cowfish in the WORLD!" "Why?" Said Sheriff Pete. "That is a very good question!" replied The Cowkiller. "I guess I just don't like cows." "But we're not cows." Said Titchy Bill. "Shut up!" Shouted The Cowkiller. "I'm gonna kill you so that your mouth will close!" And with that, The Cowkiller made his long claws REALLY long. And he growled. "Ut-oh" said Bucklehead.

Chapter III

The Cowkiller summoned his henchmen. They were on hoverboards and they had big swords. The henchman did all these funky tricks on their hoverboards, first they zoomed up towards the sky and did a backfilp then they started break dancing on top of their boards. Then Sheriff Pete got out his gun and shot them. The Henchmen fell to the floor. "You killed my henchmen!" Shouted The Cowkiller. "...Well now do that to me!" Sheriff Pete tried to shoot The Cowkiller but The Cowkiller just got out this absorbed shield! The absorbed shield absorbed all the gun bullets. "HAHAHA!" laughed The Cowkiller. "Guns can't hurt me! You win this round but I'll be back!" He then zoomed away on a spare hoverboard. "Fancy a pizza?" asked Titchy Bill. "Yeah ok" said Sheriff Pete. "I can't!" said Bucklehead. "I've gotta rob a bank, tell me if you get attacked by the Cowkiller again." "Got it!" Said Sheriff Pete. "C'mon Bill, let's get that pizza." So they split up. Pete and Bill had a pizza and Bucklehead robbed a bank. They didn't see each other again for a few days until July 19th, 10:30pm.

Chapter IV

This is what happened: The Cowkiller came into Titchy Bill's house, lashed out his long claws and kidnapped Bill! He then jumped back on his hoverboard and sped towards the Statue Of Liberty. "What are you doing?" Asked Titchy Bill. "Shut up." said The Cowkiller, politely. "You're just gonna meet your friends at the Statue Of Liberty!" he hung Bill up on the head of the Statue Of Liberty. Bucklehead was there too! "Where's Sheriff Pete?" questioned Titchy Bill. "I think The Cowkiller's gone to get him." Said Bucklehead. "We have to get free!" Said Bill "I'M GONNA USE MY TEETH!" Titchy Bill then started chewing his ropes. "WAIT!" shouted Bucklehead "If you bite through the ropes you'll fall to the ground and die!" Just then The Cowkiller appeared with Sheriff Pete in his hands. Then he tied him up. "I've got you cowboys now!" shouted The Cowkiller. "Excuse me." said Bucklehead. "I'm not a cowboy, I'm a cowgirl." "SHUT UP!" roared The Cowkiller. "YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" But then just as it turned 11:00pm, a large gust of wind blew The Cowkiller off his hoverboard! The Cowkiller fell but he sprouted wings and flew back up. "I have a lot of gadgets!" said The Cowkiller. "You'd be surprised!" But then an intergalactic evil horse came and ate the wings! "MY WINGS!" screamed The Cowkiller as he fell to the ground. "My beautiful wings!" As he was falling, a pear with a face bit his head off. "OW!" screamed The Cowkiller. Then he died.

Chapter V

Police helicopters managed to get the Cowboys and the cowgirl down from the Statue Of Liberty. "That was a mildly silly experience." said Titchy Bill. "Hey!" said Bucklehead "We saved all those cowboys, cowgirls, cowbabys, cowoldmen, cowoldladies, cowcats, cowdogs, cowcows, cowlions, cowmonkeys and cowfish." "No we didn't." said Sheriff Pete. "A horse and a pear did." "Oh well!" Said Titchy Bill. "Our first adventure was still pretty cool!" "Yeah." Said Bucklehead. "It was kinda fun." "Wanna get a pizza?" said Titchy Bill.

The End


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Cullen Bohannon
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Best book ever. Seriously.
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The Cowboys II

Chapter I

It had been three years since The Cowkiller incident. The Cowboys had begun to let their guard down. "Remember the first time we saw The Cowkiller?" said Titchy Bill. "Yeah!" replied Sheriff Pete. "Remember how I shot his henchmen?" "Yeah" said Bucklehead. "I wish we could have another adventure. "We will soon" said Titchy Bill. "There haven't been any big evil supervillains about for three years!" shouted Bucklehead. "I know." said Titchy Bill "But haven't you seen the movies? The sequel always begins a long time after the first film, we should have a bad guy in no time." "You're right!" said Bucklehead. "A bad person should appear very soon!" "Let's get our guard back up." said Sheriff Pete. "We have to be ready for the bad guy." So Sheriff Pete got his gun out and they went home. Titchy Bill couldn't sleep that Ashleyht, he was afraid some bad guy would come into his house and kidnap him, just like The Cowkiller did.

Chapter II

Meanwhile in space, an evil space alien watched from his ship, the weird ways of Earth. "That looks like a nice planet to invade." said Master Coke (the leader of all evil space aliens) "Hey Maurice!" "Yes, your royalty." "Set troops on that planet there, that blue and green one." "Right away sire." So Maurice sent evil space alien troops to Earth. The Evil Space Alien Troops (E.S.A.T) had dangerous electrical blast ray guns. And they were ready to kill everything! They got into their evil fighter spaceships and headed towards Earth. On their way to Earth they killed a lot of things. They blew someone's rocket into five designer colours and they blew up Uranus (it hurt didn't it) and then they blew up Uranus (the planet). And finally, they made it down to Earth. As they got out of their evil space ships, they put on evil space suits so that they could breathe, then they started marching towards New York. The news flashed up on Sheriff Pete's TV. "What seems to be ALIENS marching towards our beautiful city!" said the news reader. "Bucklehead's gonna be happy!" said Sheriff Pete. "She's got her bad guy wish." and with that he called Bucklehead and Titchy Bill.

Chapter III

"YES!" Shouted Bucklehead over the phone. "I'll meet you at the Empire State Building in five minutes!" said Sheriff Pete. "Don't be late!" At the Empire State Building, Titchy Bill, Bucklehead and Sheriff Pete could see the aliens coming. "What are we going to do?" asked Titchy Bill. "They're death defying aliens, we're cowboys and cowgirls who have a mild piece of experience!" "We took The Cowkiller!" said Bucklehead. "The Cowkiller was a psycho maniac!" screamed Titchy Bill "And we didn't take him. If it wasn't for that horse and that pear, we'd be dead!" The aliens were marching faster now, they were dying to kill something. Sheriff Pete got an idea. "I have an idea!" said Sheriff Pete. "Bucklehead, have you got your SEDR?" "Yes." "Good, now aim it at the top of the window on the Empire State Building... Yes now fire!" Bucklehead fired and loads of little glass bits rained upon the helpless alien troops. The ones that didn't die quickly got back in their spaceships and stepped on it! "We did it!" yelled Titchy Bill. "We stopped the alien Invasion!" and then they had a massive party. Back on the ship, the Master Coke was yelling at his troops for failing. "I think you all did rubbish!" shouted Master Coke. "I have no choice but to invade Earth myself and no Cowboys can stop me."

Chapter IV

Master Coke ran down the corridor of his huge mothership and got into his huge spaceship. "Troops are worthless!" said Coke. "But those Cowboys will be no match for me. And after I have killed them then I will rule Earth and everything will be how I want it. The humans will be my slaves HAAHAHAHAAHA!" and with that, he started his journey towards Earth. Meanwhile, at the Cowboys party. "Hey Bill" said Sheriff Pete. "That army of aliens didn't seem to have a big leader, do you think we haven't finished?" "Nonsense!" said Titchy Bill. "Don't you see the movies? Aliens never have a leader!" "Oh good." said Sheriff Pete. "I'm going home now." said Titchy Bill "But first, you want a bet to see whether or not those aliens have a master?" "Yeah ok" said Sheriff Pete. "I bet $17" "Deal" said Titchy Bill. "Bye" and off he went home... About a minute later, Sheriff Pete saw Titchy Bill being held by a flying alien master shouting "OK I'LL PAY LATER!" quickly, Sheriff Pete ran outside. "I can't let that alien get away with Bill!" shouted Pete and he leaped on a speeding car. Then Sheriff Pete saw an old hoverboard laying on the path, he jumped on it and the chase was on!

Chapter V

Sheriff Pete chased Coke all through New York and suddenly the alien just let go of Titchy Bill! "AHHHHH!" screamed Titchy Bill... Well wouldn't you if you were falling from an amazing height with nothing on the floor to catch you? Sheriff Pete quickly zipped down on his hoverboard and caught Bill. "Thanks." said Bill. Sheriff Pete chased Master Coke all the way to the great Central Park. Bill quickly rang Bucklehead for help. "Stupid humans!" shouted Master Coke. "I will kill you!" Coke then started cutting down all the trees! Each tree nearly knocked down either Pete or Bill to the ground. "I hope Bucklehead gets here soon!" shouted Sheriff Pete. "Me too!" shouted Titchy Bill. Just then Bucklehead appeared and she was carrying her SEDR. "Put em up you slime!" shouted Bucklehead. "NO!" screamed Coke, and rushed at Bucklehead, horns came out of his head as he charged towards the cowgirl. Bucklehead jumped just at the right second and dodged Coke. Coke ran on, he couldn't stop, he smashed into a wall and a window smashed. All the glass came raining down on him. "NOOOO!" screamed Master Coke, as 100 pieces of sharp glass stuck into his body. He died. "YES!" shouted Pete, Bill and Bucklehead. "We killed the leader, we won!" and from that day on, Sheriff Pete, Titchy Bill and Bucklehead became pampered celebrities, and they were always ready for evil supervillains to attack. "Wanna get a pizza?" said Bill as they had their 15th massage. "Yeah!" said Sheriff Pete and Bucklehead. "Sure."

THE END
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Karl Pilkington
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The Cowboys III

Chapter I

Do you remember The Cowkiller? Well he had a son called Newton and Newton was kind of sad that his dad was dead. Newton was good at inventing. He decided to take revenge on The Cowboys. He modified an old hoverboard so it had knives and guns in it, and then he installed a Zoomernator 5000, which made him go faster. Then he made some armour out of Titanium alloy and set out for Sheriff Pete, Titchy Bill and Bucklehead. A few days before this happened, The Cowboys had got a message. It said "There is a fire in Columbia." "We've got to put out the fire!" shouted Bucklehead and off they went. At the scene of the fire a giant monkey stood. "These adventures just get weirder and weirder." said Titchy Bill. "We have to split up!" Shouted Sheriff Pete. "I'll put out the fire, you distract the monkey!" So that's what they did. Sheriff Pete broke a near fire hydrant to put out the fire, while Bucklehead and Titchy Bill lead Mr Gibbon away from the scene. After everything turned out right, The Cowboys met back up. "Mr Gibbon got away!" Shouted Bucklehead. "He's still on the rampage!" "We'll go after him in the morning." Said Sheriff Pete. "I'm tired." So they all went home to catch some rest and catch Mr Gibbon.

Chapter II

Anyway so Newton, now called New Cowkiller went out to search and destroy the Cowboys. He was very skilled on his hoverboard, he did sharp turns and fancy pants moves. As he was gliding along he saw a field... It was full of cows. New Cowkiller ventured into the field and killed all the cows. "It's gonna rain soon..." said New Cowkiller. "The cows are lying down." The farmer came out of his house and saw the dead cows. He also saw a note pinned to one of the cows eyes. It said "No need to buy that cowfood... Yours truly, New Cowkiller." The New Cowkiller then went back to zooming around on his hoverboard. His special Cow-detector then spotted Titchy Bill, going to see a movie. "That's one of the cowboys that killed my dad!" Shouted New Cowkiller and he made his hoverboard sprout knives. "I've got you now." Said New Cowkiller as... He flew into a lamppost. "OOF" said New Cowkiller as he slid down the pipe and landed on the floor. Then he got run over. Then an asteroid came down and hit him. Then an elephant walked over him. Then he got struck by lightning. Then he got run over again. Then the floor opened up and he fell inside the lava. "How come I didn't die?" Said New Cowkiller as he was escorted to the hospital.

Chapter III

Well now that the New Cowkiller had been defeated (we think), The Cowboys still had the problem of defeating Mr Gibbon. Sheriff Pete and Bucklehead had already battled him 5 times! "We need a new plan." Said Titchy Bill. "And I've got just the right kind." So The Cowboys set out to do Titchy Bill's plan. It was no trouble finding Mr Gibbon, he was in an explosives factory. "We split up now!" Said Titchy Bill. "Sheriff Pete, you put bombs on his feet, I'll put bombs on his back and Bucklehead, you do his tummy." When the bombs went off though, nothing happened. Mr Gibbon just laughed. "What are we going to do now?" asked Sheriff Pete. "Plan B" Said Titchy Bill, firmly and heroically. He walked over to Mr Gibbon and kicked him. Mr Gibbon just stood there staring at Titchy Bill. He was gaping. He looked disgusted. There was absolute silence for about half an hour until Bill said "I think it's working!" Then they went back to silence............ A week later they were all still standing, motionless, on the spot. They just couldn't believe Bill would think that would work.

Chapter IV

A day later the silence was broken by New Cowkiller. His hoverboard crashed into the room and sliced Mr Gibbon in half. The Cowboys thought New Cowkiller was a good guy until he said that he was The Cowkiller's son, Newton, and he only killed Mr Gibbon by mistake and how he was aiming for The Cowboys and how while he was talking, The Cowboys had taken away his hoverboard and how they were now aiming the built in gun at him and... Hey wait a minute! BOOOOOM! The New Cowkiller went flying into the sea! But he rose back from the water. Another asteroid came down and knocked him back in. New Cowkiller was dead. "Well that's it" Said Sheriff Pete. "That's the end of that adventure, we won, we beat the bad guy. Even more fame and fortune here we come!" "I hope there wont be any more Cowkillers" Said Bucklehead. "I mean what if there's a brother, or a cousin and an uncle." "Don't be silly!" Said Titchy Bill. "Don't you watch the movies? There's always only two variations of the same bad guy, then they don't ever come back!" "You're right." Said Bucklehead. "I worry too much."

Chapter V

The next few weeks were strange for The Cowboys. All the press and media were going to their houses every day and Ashleyht. Action figures of The Cowboys came and out and chewing gum, and balloons, t-shirts, costumes and then finally they made a movie. People wrote songs about them and books. Everything was great for The Cowboys until they all died in a tragic car accident.

THE END
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Ansem Fulker
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Amazing truly amazing.
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