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Topic Started: Jul 5 2013, 05:51 AM (1,630 Views)
RebelSoul11692
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Carpooling to work in my friends car when we stop at a red light. The guy in the car next to us is basically molesting himself.

Dave: "Is that dude high? jesus look at him" *Rolls window down* "MY DUDE! ARE YOU GOOD?!"

Marcello: "Nothing. how is he THAT stoned?"

Me: "Every person in the car looks like Hyde from 'That 70's Show'. "

*they all take a closer look*

Marcello: "Holy shit. what do you smoke to make all your friends look like Hyde?"
Edited by RebelSoul11692, Jun 18 2014, 06:55 PM.
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JustFlyADamnKite
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N7 Hellkite
Rebel and myself at work, running a fast-paced vomit-inducing ride. [note: "shortsword" is our codeword for someone throwing up]

I'm holding a car still so a kid can get out without hurting himself, when the kid just leans over the side and pukes everywhere...including down the side of my leg.

Me: "...shortsword shortsWORD SHORTSWORD SHORTSWORD SHORTSWORD" *slams the call button for the clean-up crew and dashes to the bathroom to clean pants*

Rebel: "God-fucking-damnit....."

[About an hour later...]

We're loading the ride again, and we have an incredibly long line. He's letting them on, I'm directing them to their seats and locking them in. The ride is halfway full when a mother comes up and confesses that her kid had puked along the inside part of the ride that isn't easily seen. She scurries off as fast as she can.

Me: "REBEL! Stop loading!!!"

Rebel: "Whyyyyyyy?!"

Me: "Shortsword." *pointing*

Rebel: "ARE YOU SHITTIN' ME!?" *slams the gate in a kids face*

[Later that night, getting close to quitting time. The crowd has died down, but we're still running for like 2 people at a time. We're waiting for more people to show up before starting, and we're discussing something about not having friends, just a decent selection of possible sacrifices to angry gods.

Rebel: "Man I would sacrifice so many to have the rest of the night go well. Probably orphans. ...Do we know any orphans?"

Me: "...my mom."

Rebel: "dude.....I can't believe you just threw your mother under the bus..."

Me: "Angry gods." *shrugs*
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Shiloh Reed / Cayden Cailean
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OracleOfMaia
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The silent voice within one's heart whispers the most profound wisdom.
This was all after hearing this song:

The Bae: "Her booty like a Cadillac. Expensive and crash durable."

Garret: "Also has very nice headlights. though I never fully understood WHY it had headlights."

The Bae: "Now with two cupholders"

Garret: "Convenient!"

The Bae: "Convenient Booty"
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RebelSoul11692
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*on a riide at work that bounces and spins ppl; talking about all the attractive ppl on said ride with coworkers*

me: "Nah. most lesbians are hard on their beliefs and the whole...you know...'no dick' thing"

coworker: :"Just because i cant sleep with you doesnt mean that i can't take a picture of you, blow it up, print it out, put it on a body pillow, and just cut a hole in it"

2nd coworker: *Spits out drink* " DUDE WHAT?!"
Edited by RebelSoul11692, Aug 11 2014, 01:20 PM.
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Anonymoogle
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Friend: It happened the last time you were unconscious.

Me: I dont remember a time ive ever been unconsc-- wait.

All of my friends: *falls off their chairs from laughter*

Me: Abort sentence. Abort sentence!
Ash's Menu Screen!
Persona: Ursa Major ~ Level 1
Status: None
Boons: Defender's Power
Summon Count: 0
HP 5/5/5
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3S/1M/5E/3A/1L

FALLOUT RP(G): Excelsior State Chronicles
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Froststep
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Resident Snowman and Coffee-addict
"I'm willing to bet PETA members would never go this far to save the animals." <Me to my brother after I had jumped waist deep into manure pool in order to save a newborn calf.

Me: "Listen, those asshats sneaking into farms to take pictures how "badly animals are treated" are full of shit.
Class member who had differing opinion: "You're just biased. Besides, one picture tells more than a thousand words"
Me: "Not really, since the way they do it is purposefully giving the bad impression. It's like I would start doing Hotel reviews by kicking in the door of hotels and taking pictures of scared visitors, and then I would say that "hotel is so bad, that people can't sleep in them, and are constantly terrified.""
The other guy: "..."
Edited by Froststep, Jul 20 2015, 10:04 AM.
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Aaron Routakorpi
"If I am the wolf of snow filled woods, let this be my final howl."
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Cipher
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Lord Squishy, Official PRR Secretary.
Me: "Allow me to play you the song of my people." *Intentionally butchers Stairway to Heaven on guitar.*
----
Me: "As a bassist I've come to humbly accept the fact that a mini-fridge and some beer is more important than me."
Teacher (who also plays bass): "Too true."
----
Friend: "(Rei,) I can't tell if your (cravat) is gay or classy."
Me: "If you have to ask, it's both."
----
Friend: "Excuse me sir but do you have a moment to talk about our lord and saviour, Iggy Azalea?"
Me: "The Gospel According to Iggy: I'm so fancy, you already know."
Characters

WIP Topic - Absence Topic - Character Plotter -
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RebelSoul11692
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This story came from my step-grandfather when all of the adults in the room were telling funny stories about their parents at a get-together.

"So when i was a kid we had this big ass tree stump in our backyard and one day my father gets sick of looking at it so he wants it gone. Used to be this big old oak tree we had cut down, so it was way too big to just chainsaw out; took too much time. my father has this real shady friend down the street. We go in and ask if he's got some kind of explosive to get it out. I was expecting some TNT. S-O-B comes out with a small stick of C3 explosives. So my father, bright man he is, digs a hole under the stump, puts the C3 in, we run around front, and it blows. That friggin stump flew way over our roof and out into the fuckin street. Right into the top of someones car."
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RebelSoul11692
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*At my seasonal job; a Halloween store*

Manager / Friend : "No [Rebel] you can't hang those lights IN the tree, they have to be spread around the display on the floor."

Me: "UGH, fine. Looks like i have to conform my ideas because THE MAN is stifling my artistic creativity!"

Him : "Hey! I'm not 'THE MAN' okay?"

Coworker : "Actually...you kind of ARE."

Him : "I-...oh shit. I'm the boss."

Us: "Yep"

Him: "I-...i told you not to use your imagination...i sign payroll...i have power over you....I GOT MARRIED. OH SHIT."
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Cipher
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Lord Squishy, Official PRR Secretary.
Me: "Laptop started smoking yesterday."
Comp Sci Teacher: "smoking?"
Me: "Yeah, it's a shame, now I have to get it on the patch and hold an intervention."

---
Girl in Internal Combustion Engine course: "So what's an engine?"
---smoker Friends: "You wanna go get stoned?"
Me: "Like high, or pelted with rocks?"
Smoker Friend B: "Either or."
---
Girl: "So I made out with (mutual friend) this summer."
Me: "So there's hope for me yet?"
Characters

WIP Topic - Absence Topic - Character Plotter -
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RebelSoul11692
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Day after thanksgiving i decided to buy my mom Tomb Raider for the Xbone. (Not the newest one, the Reboot that came out before that) We keep passing off controllers when we die.

Mom: "Fuck i think that bear killed me"
Me: "There are no bears in this game"
Mom: "Yes there are, i remember from the last time i played."
Me: "No. there are no bears. "
Mom: "Yes th- RIGHT THERE! THAT'S A BEAR!"
Me: "THAT'S A WOLF RETARD"
Mom: "OH FUCK YOU"
Me: "MAD CAUSE I'M RIGHT?!"
Mom:"Son of a bitch!"
Me: "Shouldn't talk about yourself that way."
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Cipher
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Lord Squishy, Official PRR Secretary.
I founded the Tabletop Gaming club at my high school. We finally got done with a D&D campaign, and are now onto one run by me. This features such highlights as:

---
*Thug rolls a 1 on a crossbow attack.*
"The bolt embeds itself in another thug's calf, causing him to fall over in pain. He takes *X* damage, and the remaining thugs turn around. They then proceed to sigh, swear, and utter 'Goddammit, Gary.'"

---
*I also made them fight a giant centipede. The only other senior student in the club, a good friend of mine, did a significant amount of damage.*
Me: "Roll for a flat CON saving throw."
Him: "Poison blood?"
Me: "How did you know?"
Him: "Because you wouldn't be making me roll for CON if it wasn't poisonous."
Me: "I was honestly expecting you to go 'Gee, I don't know... Maybe it's because your DM notes - which you're making no effort to hide by the way - say, among other things, POISON BLOOD in capital letters."
---
I also created a meme using my Russian-accented (because fuck you, that's why), half-elf, 7 CON Wizard, Grigor. Leading to such moments as:
Ranger: "Grigor is frail baby-man."

*Grigor levels up, I roll a 1 for Hit Dice. Grigor proceeds to LOSE MAX HP.*

Griff, a sage NPC: "I see you are honourable warriors."
Grigor: "Do you remember when I said to kill that child - even before we knew it was a doppelganger?'
Griff: "...Mostly honourable. I'm desperate for heroes."
---
Me: "[Namir], you're drunk. You are so drunk you're incapable of talking beyond Jabba The Hutt noises."
[Namir]: *Proceeds to accurately quote Jabba in Ep 6*
Me: "...Inspiration granted. I don't care if it's meta, that was fucking impressive."
Edited by Cipher, Apr 10 2016, 10:49 AM.
Characters

WIP Topic - Absence Topic - Character Plotter -
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