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Stupid News
Topic Started: Nov 13 2007, 02:40 PM (3,537 Views)
Evil_Henry
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In Vino Veritas
This is great! :lol:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7091904.stm

Man hurt using gun to change tyre

A US man has injured himself in both legs after attempting to loosen a stiff wheel-nut by blasting it with his gun.
The 66-year-old man from Washington state was repairing his car outside his home when the accident took place

Shooting at the wheel from arm's length with his 12-gauge shotgun, he was peppered with buckshot and debris.

The man - who police say was on his own and not intoxicated - was taken to hospital with severe, but not life-threatening, injuries.

The man, from South Kitsap, 10 miles (16km) southwest of Seattle, had been repairing his Lincoln Continental for two weeks, according to the police, and had removed all but one of the nuts on the right rear wheel.

Frustrated by the one remaining nut which refused to budge, he resorted to fire power in an effort to shift it.

"He's bound and determined to get that lug nut off," said Deputy Scott Wilson, a spokesman from the sheriff's office.

He sustained injuries from his feet to the middle of his abdomen, with some pellets reaching as high as his chin, police said.
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ThePlague
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Wrong tool for the job. It sounds like he didn't even use a good kind of ammo to try the shotgun approach. A slug might have worked, or at least a low pellets/oz shot.

Of course, a tire iron and a sledge hammer would have been better or, failing that, a cutting torch.
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Mock
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Mock
My article was vastly superior. Mandatory group-building exercise with doodling activities and Britney spears songs leading to a massive brawl, Winnie The Pooh Bracelet embezzlement scam leading to mass sackings, a demoralized workforce prone to violence and recriminative acrimony. In fact, I declare my article 'The Philochat Article Of The Week.' It's freaking hilarious. :notworthy:
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Evil_Henry
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In Vino Veritas
It probably sounds bizarre to you, Mock, but we just call it "Scotland".
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Mock
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Mock
It needs pictures and phone-cam footage.
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ConfusedMonkey
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Satan Valid
Lol - I was JUST coming here to post that same story myself, Henry.

Mock, I did enjoy yours as well. However this story includes that special kind of stupidity that leads to serious injury.

Stupid people shouldn't be allowed guns. :P
There are no promises or assurances in any shape or form contained in the above post. Do not trust this Monkey.
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Mock
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Mock
A corporate 'morale boosting exercise' that employs Britney Spears songs...

The financial ruin and professional demise of a hundred or so employees through the agency of Winnie The Pooh merchandise...

In contrast we have a short-tempered crotchety pensioner with a few bullet fragments in his legs.
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Evil_Henry
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In Vino Veritas
Britney Spears was bound to cause friction. They should have played "Blood on the dancefloor" though.
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Mock
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Mock
Quote:
 
Bike sex man placed on probation

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.

Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.

Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.


Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.

Gail Davidson, prosecuting, told Ayr Sheriff Court: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police.

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Stewart had denied the offence, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan.

He now lives in Ayr.

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/uk_n...est/7095134.stm

Published: 2007/11/14 17:36:03 GMT

© BBC MMVII



This is ridiculous. He was placed on a sex offender registry for rubbing his engorged genitals over his bike in the privacy of his own 'room'? Why was he even charged? I'm not following.
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Evil_Henry
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In Vino Veritas
I've done far weirder things, I'm sure - but you presume he knew that the cleaners were entering the room.

Still, had he been having sex with a human being, you'd assume they would have simply retreated. Seems a little unfair.

If you were a cleaner entering a room and caught someone masturbating, you'd back out and make your excuses, unless you felt that person was seeking to be watched and had manufactured the embarrassing situation. In that case, there probably is a case to be made.

I feel sorry for the bike. Reputation and saddle tarnished forever.
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ConfusedMonkey
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Satan Valid
I'm with Mock on this - he was in his own room, so what? If he was masturbating, that would have been embarassing, but considered normal... so it would never have got to court. Because he was using a bike to get off, the police were called? Absolutely crazy, this is not a criminal matter. If anything, his right to privacy has been violated.

If only he'd put a "do not disturb" sign on the door.
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Mock
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Mock
He probably thought they would leave.

-----

Another one:

Quote:
 
Santas warned 'ho ho ho' offensive to women

Wed Nov 14, 9:45 PM ET

SYDNEY (AFP) - Santas in Australia's largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas's traditional "ho ho ho" greeting because it may be offensive to women, it was reported Thursday.

Sydney's Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say "ha ha ha" instead, the Daily Telegraph reported.

One disgruntled Santa told the newspaper a recruitment firm warned him not to use "ho ho ho" because it could frighten children and was too close to "ho", a US slang term for prostitute.

"Gimme a break," said Julie Gale, who runs the campaign against sexualising children called Kids Free 2B Kids.

"We are talking about little kids who do not understand that "ho, ho, ho" has any other connotation and nor should they," she told the Telegraph.

"Leave Santa alone."

A local spokesman for the US-based Westaff recruitment firm said it was "misleading" to say the company had banned Santa's traditional greeting and it was being left up to the discretion of the individual Santa himself.

Link
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ThePlague
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Now that's funny. PC gone mad.
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Xx_SwordWords_xX
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Satan Valid
It's a boring story.


Entertain me.
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Evil_Henry
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In Vino Veritas
Go and find an interesting story you lazy cow.

www.fark.com

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Mock
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Mock
That's a good source. You've been holding out on us. <_<
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Xx_SwordWords_xX
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Satan Valid
I fully expect the forum to take on the responsiblity of satisfying my needs for stimulation.
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ThePlague
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Here's one: Peter Pan finds his Tinker Bell

I remember that guy. He was a "net celebrity" in the mid-to-late 90's, when people were putting up all sorts of awful websites. So kitschy it's funny.

Another one was Robbie's Doris Day Page. Unfortunately, it looks as though the site has been updated, but the original had the usual garish colors, flashing GIFs, and bad MIDI music. Really bad MIDI music. "Que Sera Sera" tinkling in a loop. It pretty much defined bad web design for years.
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Evil_Henry
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In Vino Veritas
Awesome - there's a great moral in this tale.

Thieves run off with man's holy leg

BBC:

Police in southern India are hunting for two men who attacked a Hindu holy man, cut off his right leg and then made off with it.

The 80-year-old holy man, Yanadi Kondaiah, claimed to have healing powers in the leg.

He is now recovering from his ordeal in hospital in the city of Tirupati in the state of Andhra Pradesh.

Local people believed they could be healed of spiritual and physical problems if they touched his leg.

They also believed in Mr Kondaiah's predictions of the future.


-------

Ha ha, emperor's new leg, etc etc.
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ThePlague
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Quote:
 
After the old man had passed out under the influence of liquor, they cut off his right leg from the knee


Now, there's a holy man. I wouldn't trust a messiah who didn't like to tie one on.
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