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Stupid News
Topic Started: Nov 13 2007, 02:40 PM (3,547 Views)
Evil_Henry
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In Vino Veritas
If, or indeed when, I have children of my own, I hope to retell this story in the "once upon a time" format.

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stevapalooza
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Dalek Valid
Evil_Henry
Dec 14 2007, 01:40 PM
If, or indeed when, I have children of my own, I hope to retell this story in the "once upon a time" format.

Please, let's keep it in the realm of "if ". I need some hope in my life.
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Evil_Henry
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In Vino Veritas
stevapalooza
Dec 14 2007, 04:57 PM
Evil_Henry
Dec 14 2007, 01:40 PM
If, or indeed when, I have children of my own, I hope to retell this story in the "once upon a time" format.

Please, let's keep it in the realm of "if ". I need some hope in my life.

Woah, I don't bend that way dude. I'll never procreate with you! :blink:

Unless you mean Monkey. She's taken, put it to one side, move on. <_<
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stevapalooza
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Dalek Valid
No, I meant I fear what your loins would unleash on humanity
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Evil_Henry
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In Vino Veritas
Yeah, I gathered that. Anyway, the "project" is to have between 8 and 12 children.

I shall need followers! How else is my work to be completed?
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Xx_SwordWords_xX
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Xx_SwordWords_xX
Nov 16 2007, 07:48 PM
I fully expect the forum to take on the responsiblity of satisfying my needs for stimulation.


Faster and to the left!
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Evil_Henry
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In Vino Veritas
Things are pretty bad when you opt to quote yourself.
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Xx_SwordWords_xX
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Satan Valid
It's a reminder. Everything else inbetween is a lot like those moments you pretend to enjoy it, hoping that you will either actually begin to enjoy it or at least be able to close your eyes and picture something else you'd enjoy.
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Mock
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Mock
Quote:
 
Married couple forced to house criminal
Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A convicted criminal has moved in with a married couple against their wishes after giving their address in court as his home.

Shane Sims, 19, has spent the last few days living with Brenda and Robert Cole after he was sentenced to a week's curfew for breaching a supervision order.

But the couple claim the first they knew about it was when Sims, a friend of their daughter, moved in on Thursday – followed by security contractors who put a box in a bedroom to monitor his movements with an ankle tag.

Mrs Cole, 47, said: 'It's turned our lives upside down. He's taken over the whole place. He sprawls across the sofa and he's always in the bathroom when you need it. It's an absolute disgrace. They've let a criminal come into our home and there is nothing we can do about it.'

Sims appeared before magistrates last Thursday where he admitted breaching a two-year supervision order imposed for assault.

He gave the Coles' Bristol address as his bail address but the Probation Service did not verify it.

Sims claims he was told he could stay by the Coles' 16-year-old daughter Tanya after he fell out with his father.

He allegedly told Mrs Cole: 'I'm staying here until the tag's off. There's f**k all you can do about it. The courts have told me to.'

The court said it was looking into the situation but police said they could not act without a court warrant.

Source


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They're civil enough, as long as they're paid.

--

But seriously, would you tolerate and show forbearance to such an interloper? This would be the inner sanctum of your personal sphere of life. Of course the authorities will expect you to be 'reasonable', (= put up with their judicial intolerance and neglect) but reason rarely wins out in these situations. You'll be a loser one way or the other, and hence I would opt for extrajudicial means to remove the irritant. At least you'll preserve your self-respect in the process.

The daughter would be disowned btw, after a lenghty process of psychological torture. (As to avoid any legal ramifications when opting for a fitting physical punishment, and let's face it, hospitalization for absent limbs and digits tends to be rather costly.)
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ConfusedMonkey
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Satan Valid
Throw him out. It's really not their problem - if he violates his probation, that's his fault. Throw him out, lock the doors, and if he tries to get back in then call the police. He doesn't live there.
There are no promises or assurances in any shape or form contained in the above post. Do not trust this Monkey.
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Evil_Henry
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In Vino Veritas
It's a nonsense story. He either lives there or he doesn't - to which they claim he doesn't. There's a good chance he's been there for some time.

Not to judge a book by its cover or anything, but they all look like scum. That's sufficient I think. The moustache is a stylish touch though, makes him look very sophisticated and impressive.

How long before he has a fight with the father and has sex with the mother?
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Mock
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Mock
Bit dated, but this puts the Kaballah network in league with the Scientology cult.

Quote:
 
Madonna’s magical nuclear waste cure

Abul Taher

‘Kabbalah fluid can clean it up’
MADONNA and her husband Guy Ritchie have been lobbying the government and nuclear industry over a scheme to clean up radioactive waste with a supposedly magic Kabbalah fluid.

The couple, both followers of the Jewish spiritual movement, approached Downing Street, Whitehall and British Nuclear Fuels (BNFL) promoting a “mystical” liquid tested in a Ukrainian lake.

“It was like a crank call . . . the scientific mechanisms and principles were just bollocks, basically,” one official said.

But civil servants at the Department of Trade and Industry (DTI) and scientists at BNFL were obliged to take the celebrity couple seriously.

It is understood that the couple, who live in London and Wiltshire, were promoting a water-based solution that had allegedly proved successful in neutralising dangerous nuclear waste in Ukraine.

The Kabbalah Centre, which is based in California, believes water is a uniquely important substance that can be given magic healing powers through “meditations and the consciousness of sharing”.

Madonna is said to have approached Downing Street, before being directed to the DTI. “She relentlessly pursued people,” said a former DTI civil servant. “She wanted to get this Russian scientist to explain this to civil servants.”

But her campaign became bogged down by Whitehall bureaucracy. “It was a case of pass the parcel,” said the civil servant.

Ritchie, the film director, cold-called BNFL and wrote a series of letters accompanied by scientific papers. A panel of BNFL’s best scientists was tasked with looking into the proposal but could find no scientific basis for the claims.

The lobbying, which took place a few years ago, was part of a campaign by Madonna, who saw it as her mission to rid the world of nuclear waste. She made this clear in newspaper interviews at the time.

“I mean, one of the biggest problems that exists right now in the world is nuclear waste,” she said. “That’s something I’ve been involved with for a while with a group of scientists — finding a way to neutralise radiation, believe it or not.”

The Kabbalah Centre, which is based in Los Angeles but has branches worldwide, was set up by Philip Berg, a former insurance salesman. One devotee has described how Berg leads chants of “Chernobyl” and the names of other nuclear power plants. Followers believe this helps “heal the problem of nuclear waste”.

Undercover reporters who attended a Kabbalah Centre dinner in London described how Madonna and Ritchie were among guests who turned east towards Chernobyl and began shouting its name.

Some Kabbalah followers are even said to believe that nuclear waste is the cause of the Aids epidemic.

Madonna has said: “According to science we aren’t going to have a planet in about 50 years at the rate we’re going with nuclear waste.

“I can write the greatest songs and make the most fabulous films and be a fashion icon and conquer the world, but if there isn’t a world to conquer, what’s the point?

“I’ve just come to a place in my life where I’m trying to really see what the big picture is and where my energy is better spent, and that’s one area I’m really concerned about.”

The Kabbalah Centre is believed to have sponsored Oroz, a “23rd-century” research body in New York that heralded a “breakthrough” in neutralising radioactive waste.

Dr Artur Spokojny, the director of Oroz and a Kabbalah follower, is said to have developed a “revolutionary” decontamination agent called Orodyne, which can reportedly also treat gynaecological problems in cows and sheep.

Three years ago the research centre claimed it had experimented with the agent in Lake Glyboke near Chernobyl and had successfully decontaminated the water.

BNFL says it was approached by “a Mr Ritchie” at that time. Ritchie was told by one senior executive that the scheme defied the laws of physics but he persisted and was referred to a team led by Sue Ion, BNFL’s executive director of technology, said to have “a brain the size of a planet”.

The industry is trying to find ways to dispose of enough waste to fill five Royal Albert Halls, with more on the way if plans for new nuclear power stations go ahead, so anyone with a viable solution could expect a sympathetic hearing.

Paul Vallance, director of communications for British Nuclear Group, the nuclear clean-up arm of BNFL, said: “If Mr Ritchie, or anyone else for that matter, has such a solution we would be more than happy to speak to them.”

Madonna was not available to comment because she is on tour in Germany.

A spokeswoman said: “I’ve spoken to Guy’s office and I don’t think he is going to be available to talk about this . . . I don’t think it’s top of the list of things they are working on at the moment.”

Source
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stevapalooza
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Never trust any "mystical liquids" you find in Ukrainian lakes. The only mystical properties they probably have is the ability to give you instant 4th stage cancer.
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ThePlague
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Quote:
 
Dr Artur Spokojny, the director of Oroz and a Kabbalah follower, is said to have developed a “revolutionary” decontamination agent called Orodyne, which can reportedly also treat gynaecological problems in cows and sheep.


That is one versatile substance.
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Mock
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Mock
Ah, True Romance
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ConfusedMonkey
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Satan Valid
Quote:
 
Suspected Robber Shoots Himself in Groin

KOKOMO, Ind. (AP) — Police say a man accidentally shot himself in the groin as he was robbing a convenience store. A clerk told police a man carrying a semiautomatic handgun entered the Village Pantry Tuesday morning demanding cash and a pack of cigarettes.

The clerk put the cash in a bag and as she turned to get the cigarettes, she heard the gun discharge.

Police say surveillance video shows the man shooting himself as he placed the gun in the waistband of his pants. The clerk wasn't injured.

A short time later, police found Derrick Kosch, 25, at a home with a gunshot wound to his right testicle and lower left leg. He was expected to have surgery at a hospital.

Police plan to charge him with armed robbery.

Source

Worst burglary ever?
There are no promises or assurances in any shape or form contained in the above post. Do not trust this Monkey.
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ThePlague
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Scientist reach Spinal Tap's goal of none blacker.
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Mock
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Mock
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"Goth who walks fiancee on a leash is banned by bus driver who told him: "No dogs allowed.""


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Pestiferous
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Chief Officer of Operations and Quality Management Controller
I wouldn't even let them on your bus.
Like my avatar? It has your eyes, doesn't it?
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stevapalooza
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See, that's all I want out of life. A nice girl who will let me walk her around on a leash.
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