Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to Philosophyabsurdity. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're probably looking for old friends, or old enemies. Don't panic! They still exist. Sure, they've forgotten about you. It's just the internet. But with passion, intellect and an enormous penis you can force your way back into their affections or the sex offenders register. So type a message. Expect a witty response. It's all for you... you just might have to wait 2 or 3 years.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Tell me about your brushes with death
Topic Started: May 2 2008, 10:48 AM (669 Views)
stevapalooza
Member Avatar
Dalek Valid
I have a few

When I was 5 my throat swelled up and I couldn't breath (tracheal stenosis was the diagnosis). Eventually I was given a tracheotomy which allowed me to breathe ok again. But initially the doctors had no idea what was wrong and while they were trying to figure it out I almost died.

Another time when I was a teenager I was dragging along behind a car in the snow, hanging onto the bumper. When I let go I neglected to notice the car behind me and it missed me by inches. My friends thought I got run over.

I also got stuck on some rocks below a sea wall as the tide was coming in. When I jumped down onto the rocks I neglected to realize that I wouldn't be able to climb back up. So I had to walk about a mile along the rocks until I found one high enough to let me climb back up. Meanwhile the water was rising and the rocks were disappearing. And I can't swim. That was probably the only time I seriously thought I was going to die. And what a stupid teenage moron death it would've been.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Pestiferous
Member Avatar
Chief Officer of Operations and Quality Management Controller
When I was around 5 my mom, sister and I were hostages in a bank robbery.

When I was 19, I had mono and it affected my liver. Unaware, I partied as usual, and one night after a few drinks I went unconcious and my heart stopped beating a couple of times. I slipped into a coma, but popped out of it later completely unscathed.

Ripping the little stickies from a heart monitor off of you fucking hurts.
Like my avatar? It has your eyes, doesn't it?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
stevapalooza
Member Avatar
Dalek Valid
wow. So far Keerl is winning.

Was it scary being a hostage? What did the guy get for you? A getaway car?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Pestiferous
Member Avatar
Chief Officer of Operations and Quality Management Controller
I wasn't scared, I had no concept of what was going on, really. We were in the bank, just the three of us and the employees, and this man ran in and started throwing grocery bags from the safeway accross the street at the bank teller. He had a gun.

He apologized to us, said he had to do it. I don't think he had any intention on shooting us, but who knows how people react in a desperate situation. He was robbing a bank, afterall.

I also forgot - when I was small, I was playing on my mom's cousin's farm, and I wandered off to go look at the piglets. I climbed into the pen, walked about 5 feet, and sunk up to my thighs in mud and pig shit. I got stuck. The sow came out to see who was screaming, and was circling me and snorting at me agitatedly. My mom's cousin heard me, ran and pulled me out before the sow killed me.
Like my avatar? It has your eyes, doesn't it?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
EuphemiaRuntlestuntle
Member Avatar
Malicious Third Party.
I had a really bad hangover once.

I don't mean to understate how close to death's door it was, I mean it was a really bad hangover. Like, a week long bad.

Does that count? At all?


It's a glitch! An incredibly specific glitch!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ConfusedMonkey
Member Avatar
Satan Valid
I've had alcohol poisoning. And I fell into loads of stinging nettles when i was about 7 - there were hundreds of them all about the same height as I was. Could have been allergic or something... or there could have been a tiger in there!

Can I join in?
There are no promises or assurances in any shape or form contained in the above post. Do not trust this Monkey.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
stevapalooza
Member Avatar
Dalek Valid
I inhaled shampoo once. Suds were running down my face in the shower and the water suddenly went cold and I gasped and sucked in a some suds. There was a second or two when my lungs just froze up. I guess they were looking at each other saying "did this moron just inhale soap?" But then I coughed it up. I don't think I was near death, but it's kinda scary to lose your breath, even for a second or two.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Pestiferous
Member Avatar
Chief Officer of Operations and Quality Management Controller
You're just too smart, Monkey.

Most of my brushes with death, like Steva, involved sheer stupidity.
Like my avatar? It has your eyes, doesn't it?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Panx911
Unregistered

My birth: Umbillical Cord around my neck 3 times. My mom almost died trying to get me out. I was her 6th baby and she had no strength left. The story goes my dad prayed and asked for his strength to pass to my mom. He passed out and she got a final good push and there I was.

When I was 2 years old I was attacked by a pack of 5 dogs. They were our neighbors dogs. Right next door. There was an empty lot on the other side of that neighbors house where the kids would all play baseball. My older brother was other there so I was just standing at the fence looking over at them watching. Then the dogs freaked and bit me through the fence. They had me by my ass and my stomach tearing into me. I was potty trained but out of regular underwear; so my mom had put a pair of those thicker training pants on me that day. Luckily. The kid whose dogs they were was up to bat. He seen the dogs start going after me, jumped his fence and beat the dogs off me. My dad said he could see my insides churning around when he got to me. They tore a wound about 3 inches wide just above my right hip.

When I was 3 I got pneumonia for like the 3rd time during a time when there was some sort of really bad flu going around. Hopsital hardly had beds kind of thing. I had to spend a month in an oxygen tent and get breathing treatments where they massage your back to break up phlegm. Never did get the flu. I remember random kids being put in my room throwing up all over and hitting the button to call the nurse for them. I also remember getting shots in my ass by some huge fat nurse. My aunt brought me a book where you would trace animal pictures. That's when I first remember knowing I liked to draw.
They figured out that I was having issues with Asthama and allergies as well. This was around christmas time. The live christmas tree had mold on it; and I also developed an allergy to our family dog. They had to spring clean the house in the middle of winter. Get rid of the dog and the christmas tree. I came home on Christmas Eve.

Another time I was on a Boy Scout camping trip. I was about 12. I was haning out with some of the older dudes and they decided to climb this steep cliff made out of shale rock; which is crumbly as fuck. They didn't seem to have much trouble as they had longer legs and arms. I got about half way up -- was prob 100 ft or so high; and couldn't move anywhere. I was out of reach of anything strong enough to support me. I yelled at them as they were all reaching the top. No one heard me. I freaked for like a minute or so -- just yelling up to no one. I eventually navigated up it and obviously survived.

I've been in 4 head on car collisions.

One where the car we were in sank into the mood in a flooded out field. the car sank up to the windows on the car -- inside filled with water but we were already out of the car by then -- grabbing school books and CDs and tossing them on top the car as fast we could. The road had been covered in water alreay from an ass load of rain. It rained all day when we were at school; abd he thought because he sped through the water on his way to school that the water level hadn't changed. I said you are going to hydroplane but he didn't believe me. We almost hit a phone poile -- slid away from it and just sank instead.

One wreck a lady made a right hand turn into oncoming traffic -- which was me. Luckily I had no passenger as that side of the car the floor buckled up and would have crushed whoever was there -- their legs would have been gone. I was in a 89 2 door chevy cavalier and hit an SUV head on going 50mph. I fucked up my knee pretty bad and it busted up my guitar and amp which were in my trunk.

The other I was with my mom and I am still not sure where the mystery car came from but BAM we got hit and had to go to the ER to get checked out. She had a slight concusion. I was fine.

The 3rd accident -- same kid who sank us in another car was again taking me home from school. There was a school bus at the intersection and a truck in the oncoming lane. The intersection was narrow and I knew he was a risk taker. I yelled DON'T TURN but he did anyway. He could get in passed the bus and so he clipped the drivers side of the truck. He sent that dude who was old as hell like 70 into a ditch and fucked his back up pretty bad. He and I had identical breaks in the windshield where we slammed our heads. I think he lost his inheritance over that wreck. Fucking Moron.

I wrecked one other time -- sort of head on -- but I ran into a stop sign and a railroad post that the farmer put up as other people had wrecked there and flipped their cars and died. He put the pole up to help stop people that ran off the road there and he may have saved my life by doing so. I had just picked up a pound of weed. I called my mom from a nearby house and she came and picked me up. We left the scene as I told her we should just go get a tow truck to get my car outta there. Welll I dumped the weed off which she had no idea about. THen said we should prob just go back and call the cops. They beat us there. My car was surrounded by 4 squad cars. I had to walk up and tell them I was the dirver and what not. All they asked was if I was wearing my seat belt when I wrecked. I lied. My older sister was with me and had cracked the windshield with her head. They asked what made that mark and I said it must have been the stop sign. I lied and said"It happened so fast; I don't know." They bought the story and didn't ticket me for leaving the scene.

I was also coming back home to Indiana from Illinois one Christmas. The family was travelling together in two cars. I was with my sister and baby niece. Her car started cutting out and there was a really good snow coming down. She sped up some to get my parents attention and tell them to pull over at the next town to check it out. We go under an overpass and hit a patch of ice. Her car started sliding into my parents car but she recovered and moved away from them; but sent us spinning into a deep median between the interstates. We spun 3 times and somehow snow got packed into the tailpipe and killed the engine. We stopped just short of coming back out of the ditch and into oncoming traffic. I thought I was a goner. I remembering breaking into tears once the car stopped from total shock. I think I was 12 or so.

There is one event where I feel I was spared. This one friend that lived down the street from me was supposed to be my ride to work if I took a job with him; but I decided not to. He ended up dieing on his way to work. He was going 85mph on a back road and slid off and into a phone pole. Died instantly. I would have most likely been in the car with him had I took the job.

Later in life this other friend of mine found his birth mom. Who happened to be the mom of the kid who died in that wreck. They were half brothers. Talk about weird. I babysat his younger half sister and brother. I got to be with him when they all met for the first time in New York.

I also once had a mystery illness where I was weak as hell for a period of about 8 weeks and couldn't even go to school. The Dr's finally gave up and labled it chronic fatigue and I just rested until I got better. I've never had an issue like that since.

Another time I stole a bottle of mercury from the science lab. I took it home and was playing with it when I had a friend over. I spilled the whole bottle on the living room carpet. Afraid I was going to get in a shit load of trouble. I devised a method of scopping the mercury back into the bottle. I sucked it up in a straw -- stoppig it just short of the top of the straw with my tongue. Luckily I never ingensted any of it and my mom never found out. Later on I heard of a kid who did the same thing; but his mom caught him. She made the school replace her carpet in fear of Mercury poisoning. I didn't know it was harmful. I was like OH FUCK. I called the Dr and told them what I had done. They said I was fine as I would already have gotten sick.

That's all I can remember right now.

PAN


Quote Post Goto Top
 
serendipity
Member Avatar
Cyber Valid
up till now i've never been to the hospital... never been in any serious accidents... no serious illness as a child.... nothing more than a few minor bee stings, burns and a few cuts that required stitches.

pretty boring life really.

then i turned 40 and had a stroke.



according to my doctor, i'm a very lucky girl.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Pestiferous
Member Avatar
Chief Officer of Operations and Quality Management Controller
:wub: Seren.

You make some stories on this thread look ridiculous.
Like my avatar? It has your eyes, doesn't it?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
serendipity
Member Avatar
Cyber Valid
i didnt mean to sound so serious... but i sat here thinking and thats it.


i wasnt looking for sympathy or pity or anything like that.

right now i'm the happiest i've ever been.

and in soooo many ways, my life really did start at 40. :rock:



Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Pestiferous
Member Avatar
Chief Officer of Operations and Quality Management Controller
Hon, I never thought for a second you were looking for sympathy.

Steva was, though. He started the thread, afterall.

We're so glad you're doing better - and thanks for the wedding pictures! They are absolutely breathtaking!

Tell us all where you got married!
Like my avatar? It has your eyes, doesn't it?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Lea
Member Avatar
Ninja Valid
My heart stopped in surgery for 75 seconds.

It's amazing how many people asked me did I "see anything?.

Nope. Not that I can recall. No light.. no relatives.. no calming thoughts. I was awake.. then I was awake. again.. i have no recollection of the inbetween.

Yes.. there you go.
Yes. I am talking about you. Fuckstick.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Morguemisericordia
Member Avatar
Saddam Fonz Valid
a rare rash as an infant - doctors unknowingly gave me medicine i was deathly allergic to - cardiac arrest

emergency appendectomy at age 12 - i wasn't one to complain. downright self destructive.

yeah, that's it...some close calls, but nothing so cool as to mention.
Thank God for Haters. Else I'd have no drama in my life.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
lori
Member Avatar
that chick, you know
Lori
I had my tonsils out when I was 5 because I kept getting strep. My grandmother, one of those "Don't go near the three inch shallow mud hole, you might drown!" types kept begging me not to, but I was in, baby, for the tons of free ice cream.

I hemorrhaged after and nearly died from blood loss before they could get me back into surgery. I just kept vomiting blood, over and over, and wondering where the hell my parents had gone (they'd went down to the cafeteria for lunch) and why they'd left me with my bitch of an aunt who kept telling me to stop whining, my parents needed a break. I'm pretty sure she nearly killed me, lol.

Also, I felt like shit after. I got one fucking cup of ice cream the entire damn time.

When my middle daughter had her tonsils out, at 9, I worried and worried she'd hemorrhage. I worried so much that the doctor even did a test to make sure she wasn't a "bleeder." On the tenth day, when she could have solid foods for the first time, I'll be damned if she didn't hemorrhage and start vomiting blood everywhere. Thanks to my worrying and my grandmother telling her my story, she ran through the house, screaming hysterically, "I don't want to die! I don't want to die!" puking blood and clots on every available surface and fabric.

Which, at the time, I've never been so scared. But, now? It's pretty damn funny.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Pestiferous
Member Avatar
Chief Officer of Operations and Quality Management Controller
Fucking hell, Lori - sorry, but that made me laugh out loud.

My son did something a little similar. When he was around 9 months old he was standing up at the tub while I ran a bath - he slipped, and whacked his chin on the toilet. He cried a bit, and I wiped his mouth...there was a little blood on his lip, but he seemed fine. He had a bath, nursed for awhile, and went to bed.

Around 2am I woke up to hear him jumping in his crib, babbling a little. His hair looked weird and spiky in the dark, so I turned on the light...he was covered in blood. He had blood throughout his hair, down his pyjamas to his waist, the crib sheet was covered in blood, there was even blood on the wall behind his crib.

We grabbed him, grabbed some clothes in a bag, and went to the hospital. At the hospital I was dealing with a cunt of a nurse who kept asking me why I thought he was bleeding - she couldn't see any blood other than on his clothes. I was near breaking point when my son hiccupped and vomited blood all over her desk. And again.

And again.

She put us in immediately, and a team of doctors were surrounding him. Turned out he only bit through his tongue, and he had been swallowing blood the whole time. It had clotted over by the time we got to the hospital. Everything was fine, he was a bit pale, but fine.

As we were leaving (around 4am) these two old women were walking into the hospital. My son smiled at them, and they cooed at him a bit and he hiccupped and vomitted more black blood all over the floor right in front of them...I thought one was going to pass out.

Kids are gross.
Like my avatar? It has your eyes, doesn't it?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Cygnus-X1
Member Avatar
Davros Valid
Well, I was held hostage in a bank by Islamic terrorists that behead people, so...

And, when I was born my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck 10 times, so...

And, I fell into a bed of man-eating, extra-terrestrial plants that came here on an a meteoroid, so...

And, I was in mud up to my nose with a pack of starving wolves circling me, so...

And, my heart stopped beating for three days, so...

And, I had a tracheotomy in my chest because my neck was too swollen, so...

And, I had my tonsils out twice and nearly bled to death both times, so...


(for Mori)
* This post is not a veiled, cryptic insult about anyone.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
stevapalooza
Member Avatar
Dalek Valid
Both Lori and Wes are better parents than I'd be, because in both those situations I just would've assumed "demon baby" and bludgeoned them with a bible.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
serendipity
Member Avatar
Cyber Valid
ohhh steva... sometimes you make me laugh so damn hard.





Quote:
 
Hon, I never thought for a second you were looking for sympathy.

Steva was, though. He started the thread, afterall.

We're so glad you're doing better - and thanks for the wedding pictures! They are absolutely breathtaking!

Tell us all where you got married!


sunrise, smather's beach, key west, florida

for those who didnt get to see...

Posted Image



Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Create your own social network with a free forum.
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · General · Next Topic »
Add Reply