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The stupid things people send me; fracking hell
Topic Started: May 24 2008, 08:56 AM (134 Views)
Lea
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Ninja Valid
a friend of mine sent me this link and little note that said "what you didn't know about the language of teens!!"... and I did it .. just because i wanted to send her the page that went "yah.. you got them all right.. ".


It isn't hard (understatement).. but it occurs to me that if a quiz like this exists .. parents must be so far out of touch with their children that they deserve to be taken out and shot.


teen language
Yes. I am talking about you. Fuckstick.
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stevapalooza
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Dalek Valid
We really need to go back to marginalizing teenagers in our culture. Seriously, the fact that our culture pays so much attention to these nimrods will probably secure us a place as the stupidest culture ever.
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EuphemiaRuntlestuntle
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Malicious Third Party.
Quote:
 
Congratulations! You've earned the titled of Coolest Mom Ever!


Whoopity fucking doo. Frankly, I feel a little bit dirty after taking that test. Is this how Chatrat feels all of the time?
It's a glitch! An incredibly specific glitch!
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lori
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that chick, you know
Lori
I'm the coolest mom ever, just like euph. :D
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Lea
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does anyone else read titled as tit-led?



..


oh it's so just gonna be me :blink:
Yes. I am talking about you. Fuckstick.
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Xx_SwordWords_xX
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Satan Valid
Quote:
 
To the citizens of the United States of America from
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II






In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for
President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice
of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas,
which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor
for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford-English Dictionary.)

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide.
You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour'
and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping
half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise'.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
(look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
"like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated
letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

-------------------

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.
The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out
without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

----------------------
6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous
than a vegetable peeler.
A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

----------------------
7. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the
left with immediate effect.
At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

--------------------
8. The Former  USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)
-roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

-------------------
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.
Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ketchup but with vinegar.
-------------------

10. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.
South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the  British Commonwealth- see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

---------------------

11.Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

---------------------

12. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body Armour like a bunch of nancies).
Don't tryRugby- the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.
---------------------

13. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of  America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

--------------------

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

-----------------

15. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

---------------

16. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.


God save the Queen.



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