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Komachi Taiga
Topic Started: 6 May 2015, 08:43 PM (442 Views)
Posted Image Etoilesstar14
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Trainer Profile

Character Name: Komachi Taiga

Gender: Female

Age: 13

Trainer Class: Pokemon Trainer

Height: 5’2

Weight: 110

Hair Color & Style:She has very thick loose flowy strawberry blonde look to it.It tend to blow a lot in the wind which does annoy her at times so she will at times tie it up .She normally wears her hair down or in a ponytail. If in a ponytail it’s held in a small cotton hair ties with a bow on it she wears different colors.

Eyes:She has oceanic blue eyes that look like Caribbean blue. I'm saying Caribbean blue because that's what I think the clear blue ocean of Caribbean is. Her eyes arch at the top then it kind of drops at a generally straight slant then curves back up. Her left eye is slightly bigger than the other.Her eyebrows are generally straight diagonals but curve more at the ends near her nose.The right eyebrow curves more than the left.The sparkle more in moonlight then in sun light. When she’s happy her eyes light up and her eyebrows raise a little bit. When she’s sad her eyes drop for a second.With any other emotion it all varies greatly on everything.


Clothing/Accessories: She likes wearing tightish clothing not too loose not too tight. During her journey she mostly will be wearing uniform like pants or jean pants.At times she’ll probably wear clothe shorts if it’s hot. She’ll almost always be seen with infamous band hat that it’s designed to look like the Godian Flag.This hat has six golden button like thing on the sides three on each sides. These buttons are connected by a cord bound in leather with gold at the two ends. She puts her trumpet with different colored silk like texture bows on her trumpet that she carries in a instrument holder she put in her bag.

General Appearance: Her body not gonna lie is a bit on the chubby side but not that much ok she’s thick. she has a fairly large bust that is only slightly above her ages average and that I wish to not put any further detail on.She over all gives off an overall positiveness but also a drive. She also has eyes colored like a clear blue sea they tend to sparkle a lot. She is normally seen smiling and cheerful mostly because that is how she feels.She tends to mostly also look pretty lax about things not usually overly focused on one thing. She has very flexible muscles that look mildly toned but not extreme.

Normal Look


Hometown: Tiensee Town, South Godai

Personality: To put it bluntly she’s a bit of a glutton her and food are like best friends.When she eats food it reminds her of the festivals she went to.That being said she does watch what she eats and how much of it.Well until she out of the clear blue sky decides to binge eat. There is no real solid reason she does this to be honest.This occurrence does not happen much but is usually caused by a buffet of sorts. She also believes in the phrase go big or go home and phrases like that.She believes those phrases because without that mentality she probably would’ve never gotten the grades she has now. While she’s very positive person most times in most situations. She can be quite stubborn if it heart is not 100% into whatever that is. She at times also becomes discouraged when she misreads somes not to the point of breaking down but a bit sad at least for a moment. It discourages her because it brings back memories of how she felt bad about her dyslexia. When she’s sad she tends to play her trumpet in order to feel happier. That’s because it will remind her of the trumpet player at the festival. She loves to keep an overall positive outlook on life but will try to check herself if she is over positive on something. Now up to the kind of people she either straight up hates or is just annoyed of. Perverted people it really depends on how extreme they are with it. Like if they pretty much quit annoying her once she asks them to quit. Probably not gonna be that annoyed but they keep continuing she probably is gonna be. Rude people like ones who are just mean for no reason like bullies to put a label on that.

History: When she was younger she was very happy go lucky. She lived a pretty normal life as she grew up. Her parents loved her dearly and she knew that. When she began school she was very excited for that all the people she could meet all the adventure that was in store.She had many friends Preschool through Kindergarten. None of her friends ever really stuck though. Grade School was where it pretty much all hit the fan. Slowly but that’s where it all began for her. She was now faced with math and reading that mine as well have a foreign language to her. The words on the page were very weird and distorted. Nothing seemed right with anything she began getting frustrated with her work.She would normally ask for help. At first it was minor frustration with things where she’d calm down pretty easily. As the grades progressed it grew to be even worse. She at times would shut down to her friends completely.
She began getting extra help for her classes so most of her light heartedness came back to her.They found out she had dyslexia so that’s what made it difficult for her to read. She learned that she will probably have to put in extra effort in her classes. She took that idea and ran with it as far as she could. She began acing everything well not at first but she got there after awhile.She became a lot happier and friendlier to others. She was still sad knowing she probably did burn some bridges with some of her old friends.She at first felt super bad about what she did to her friends. She had apologized to all of them individually. Some accepted her invitation some did not. She learned over a substantial time to let go of what she couldn’t control.
Ok now to backtrack from that point of reference in her life. As said before she was a very happy child with a pretty normal life or at least by most people's standards.She would play outside quite often and look at all the cool Pokemon. She never aspired to much of anything except be the best at whatever that is. One day she went to a festival she was dazzled by the many performers.One in particular a lone trumpet player she knew then she wanted to play a trumpet.She knew one day she wanted to play that glorious intrument and no one could tell her other wise.She pursued this dream the second she could. She saved up her money to get this trumpet. Once she got the trumpet she practiced it but decided to not join band because she wanted to play what she wanted to. Her parents allowed her to do this long as she kept up with her grades. If she didn’t keep her grades she wasn’t going to keep the trumpet. She also over time grew to want a Pokemon of her own. Their was one rule on this pokemon though they needed to like trumpet. She thought a lot on this subject out a lot. Thinking what pokemon she’d ideally wanted because she kinda wanted to know. After endless debating she decide the best way to choose a pokemon was to play a trumpet and see which one comes to her first or the one who responds best in her opinion.


Inventory

Dians: *dian* 1,000

Items:
Posted Image 5x Pokéball

Key Items:
Posted Image PokéDex
Posted Image Journal
Posted Image Holocaster
Trainer AdvancementAdvancement Points: 0
Tier: 0

Pokemon

Total EXP Gained: 0

Pokemon
Posted Image
Sandshrew
Caught at Level 5


Nickname: Keone

Gender: Female
Type: Ground
Ability: Sand Veil
Height: 2’0”
Weight: 26.5 lbs
Health: Low
EXP Rate: Medium Fast
EXP Gauge: 7/9
EXP Gained: 0
Level: 5
Division: D8
Total Stats: 55
  • Attack:11
  • Defense: 13
  • Sp. Attack:10
  • Sp. Defense:10
  • Speed: 11

Vitamins Used: None
Move Set:
1. Scratch
1. Defense Curl
3. Sand-Attack
5. Poison Sting

Unique Moves:
-
-
-
-
Item:


PC Box: Stored Pokemon


Journal

Adventure Log
 
Adventure Log goes in here
Edited by Etoilesstar14, 5 Jun 2015, 07:57 PM.
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Posted Image Bones
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Nooope

Hey Eto! We’ve already been acquainted so let’s get started -

Firstly, let me just direct you to ”Accepted Characters” if you need any inspirations of any kind in case you’re stuck. You can also check it out to compare you and others with what you may or may not be missing. Now, on we go.

For Manami’s ”Height” and ”Weight” it’s okay! But with her age and your described build, she’s a bit overweight, so if anything I would recommend you lessen it by fifteen to twenty pounds.

For her ”Eyes” and ”Hair” I’m sure you can describe it a bit more than that! What’s her length? Hair style? Ponytail? Bun? Pixie cut? What about the shape of her eyes? How large are they? Is one eye bigger than the other? High high up the head? Does it compliment her eyebrows etcetc.

The same goes for her ”Clothing [...]”. Is that honestly all she wears? Does she have a style in which she goes for? Bright clothing? Cotton? Silk? Modernized? More posh? I’ve no clue. What about when she’s hot? Does she not even have a backpack or any other accessories to keep her hair out of her face? Think more creatively!

Again, the same goes for her ”General Appearance” as well. What exactly is a slender/athletic build anyways? Describe it. Thicker thighs? Or is she more of the swimmer physique? What’s the difference between those? Do the research! No freckles? Scars? Is she short for her age? Or tall? Average? What are people’s first impression of her? How does she walk? With confidence? Or not? With swag? Or not? So forth and so on.

The link for ”Celebration Kimono” isn’t working. Please fix it.

For Manami’s ”Personality”, this isn’t bad but I feel you can add a lot more to make her a much more realistic, wholesome, and grand character! Constantly ask “why” as you continue to go through this. How is she odd? What is odd? There are so many different definitions of that and they vary between each individual. How is she relaxed? What does she do? Why does she get lost in her own little world? Are things not challenging or is she easily distracted? Is she tired too? So many things can cause this. Stops what when it comes to talking? Try and make this more smooth instead of sentences that feel like they can be bullet points. What are her beliefs or morals? Sure she doesn’t want to be a burden to others, but how exactly does that work psychologically? For what reason and why? Why does she feel she’s a burden? What did she do to make herself think as a burden? I absolutely have no blue! So many questions! Don’t be afraid to really delve into details and flush out those descriptions to make her - real.

Like what I said in the Cbox, we have a minimum Word Count and the History is no exception. Please reach the minimum at least, but to be blunt there is absolutely nothing that explains about how Manami came to be this person you described in her ”Personality” today. Because the Personality is lacking, it is only natural that the History will also suffer the same fate, but that’s okay! Once you’re able to go through the finer details for her personality, you can do so for her ”History”! For example, what are the obstacles and events that changed from birth to now? How did her mother’s death affect her? What about school? What about friends? What about her relationship with her father? Extended family members? What did she experience in between those years? My goodness I know nothing! Please elaborate!

Our complete focus will be on the written portion for the time being. Then once that has been done, we can go to the ”Pokedex”! I know you can do it and I’m positive you’ll be able to dish out the details. I look forward to your edits. Once you’ve changed anything please post a reply and we’ll check it out as soon as we can. Good luck! ♥
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Sonak Paetdee
Kian Conrad
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Hey Eto, don't forget to reply so we know when to check this again. I can see you've edited the post, but we don't get notified when that happens ^^
Emilie 'Lili' Kaplan
Elijah Hershel

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Oh because it's not completely fixed
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No worries, I understand that, just let us know when you're ready ^^
Emilie 'Lili' Kaplan
Elijah Hershel

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Ok it's good to be checked again.
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Posted Image Bones
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Nooope

Alright Eto! Let’s get started on your revamped character! Since I’m on a time crunch, I’ll keep this as short and sweet as possible -

For her ”Hair [...]” what is her original colour aside from where light hits it at all angles? Notice how there are a lot of variations of gold, but gold by itself is not necessarily a pure hair colour!

For her ”Eyes” there’s nothing you have to change here but keep in mind the influx of characters with blue eyes - this means that their eyes are lightly pigmented. Means that your character should not be able to stare at very bright lights for periods of times without some kind of painful effect or a lot of blinking involved compared to someone who has darker pigmented eyes. In short, this means from the way you described her eyes, she will be very prone to sunlight aka very sensitive to rays of light.

For her ”General Appearance” let’s try and keep it mature and professional! I don’t mean this in a harsh way, but it gets a bit off putting to read that if I were to see that in a resume. Since we’re all aspiring adults here, I’m sure writing about busty gals isn’t the end of the world as these are simply normal bodily figures. But I digress. This is simply okay, however take off the “not gonna lie” and “but not that much ok” and “I wish to not put any further detail on” because if you don’t want to, well then you’re the writer! But add in enough detail that it makes sense and it’s not put in “just because”. Not only that but perhaps add in another few sentences or so about if she walks a certain way because of a larger bust - don’t forget, girls with a larger bust tend to complain more about back problems due to the amount of stress being put in the spinal chord, but a hint is not all of them do - or how people view her on first impressions? So on and so forth.

For her ”Personality”, technically speaking there is a reason some people would perfer to consider their food their best friends. What is the relationship towards this? Why for what reason? I’m not saying here’s going to be a foodphile, but what does she feel when she eats? Is that wonderful initial taste of food of all her senses blending together as she eats? Is it because that taste of saltiness, and sour being put together creates a sensation of euphoria for her? Or perhaps to simply boil down to it, it makes her happy and all her worries melt away for that split second? I don’t know! This isn’t my character! Think deeper, think on a realistic and psychological basis! Also, elaborate on this:
Quote:
 
Now up to the kind of people she either straight up hates or is just annoyed of.
I unfortunately do not understand what this means and the words that come after confuse me a bit more.

Everything else seems okay, I like her! However, I also would advise you check on your sentences a bit more as they feel heavily choppy and can almost be bullet points. Not only that but try to form complete sentences and not just ramblings of train of thoughts! (If English is not your first language, then I apologize, but at least fix the sentences to form complete ones!)

Then lastly for her ”History” I also would ask you reread your sentences just once more - it doesn’t need to be perfect, not at all! - but try and make it more formal and less in conversational tone. Remember to treat this almost like you would filling out something important. I know when I go to my boss I don’t go “Ok well so *this and that*” nah, I would be rather professional! But other than that this is pretty good! Quite detailed. However, since I feel you can do this, please elaborate on how she felt as years went on with her dyslexia. How else did it hinder her abilities and how about her relationship with her parents? Not only that but you put quite a bit of emphasis on her trumpet - however in her history it’s only a paragraph or a few sentences at best. So of course I’m going to ask - how did the trumpet shape her for her current personality and how she is today?

That’s it for the time being. We’ll go to your ”Pokedex” at a later time! So far this is a great redo and I know you can easily make these corrections. You got this! And you also know the drill! ♥
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Sonak Paetdee
Kian Conrad
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