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Edwin Fukasai; First Character
Topic Started: 13 May 2015, 05:27 PM (446 Views)
Posted Image EdwinNoviceTrainer43
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Trainer Profile
Character Name:Edwin Fukasai
Nickname:Wind
Gender:Male
Age:14
Trainer Class:Pokemon Trainer

Height:5'2
Weight:115 lbs
Hair Color & Style:He has medium wavy dyed red hair.He's naturally a white blonde Hair. Reaches to the top of his back.His Hair Covers his eyes sometimes when it gets drenched.
Eyes:Blueish-Green Eyes-Oval Shape-Dark Pigmented and Medium sized.Has rounded Medium arch eyebrows that look like tiny hills.

Clothing/Accessories:During the summer he wears a dark red tank top with a black Jacket/w hoodie. He wears Black pants and a pair of forest green sneakers.Wears a pair of red headphones on his head.While during the winter he wears a white shirt under a Gray parka with a hoodie. He has a pair of Black pants thermal pants with some gray snow boots.

General Appearance:Pale Skin.He has a slim physique and has some muscle under his shirt. He dyed his hair red and wears his shirt loosely.With Headphones showing on his head. He is shown to have a calm expression when around people. He usally walks one foot before the other. People get the Idea that he's an odd kid.



Hometown: Scurarte Town - East Godai
Personality:He is shown to act like a parent to baby Pokemon when he takes care of his baby Snivy. He is shown to have a sweet tooth for sweets like cake and candy after having a bite of cake. He has a great feeling that his cheeks blush. He hates crooks and arrogant trainers after seeing one abandon a Pokemon after losing a gym battle while hiding in Amadour Port. He's shown to have a fear of Ghost-type Pokemon due to hiding inside an abandoned hotel and getting almost scared to death. Shown when pushed to the limit of his tolerance of idiots he can be very angry. He is shown to be adventurous when he adventures a new town after seeing the how different Sharsaber was from Scurate. The traits he does not like in others are thinking there better and others and abusing and abandoning their pokemon after losing a battle.

History:He is the youngest son of the Fukasai family But was abandoned by his father when his mother left him. For the first three years of his life was in the orphanage little boring for him.He didn't know who his parent's are so he had asked who they were questioning if they even wanted him. He wanted to leave the place after thinking about his parents. He ended up having some verbal fight with some and physical ones due to some kids making fun of him. He ended up breaking one of the bully's nose after he made fun of him. When he reached the age of five saw boats floating in the river and wanted to ride in one and get away from there.

When he reached 8 years old he ran away from the orphanage after grabbing his supplies. During that time, he snuck on a ferry from Amadour Port to Gosterrice Town he took his time to enjoy the surroundings. He ended up in a haunted Hotel while looking for a place to sleep. He ended up having a nasty encounter with ghost Pokemon scaring him almost to death leaving him with a fear of ghost Pokemon. After two years of learning about Pokemon Battiling and Pokemon league in Tiensee town after someone called the police to rescues him after seeing him walk through town. He decides to become a Pokemon trainer when he reaches 13. He camped out on his way to Aurmouth City . He took the next ferry in Aurmouth city to Duskrim Town with the money he earned from the quick jobs he does to get to Candence. He made it to Candance after Camping for three days. From there he was going to learn enough at the school before he starts his journey.

When he was 13 he got an egg from the Professor and Raised for another year. When it hatched it revealed to be a Snivy that was born. For the next few days, they trained till snivy reached lv 5. After getting his Pokedex, Holocaust and Journal He started walking to meadow path to start his journey after hearing about several people with the last name Fukasai participating​ in the Pokemon League.


Inventory[]

Dians: dian 1,000

Items:
Posted Image 5x Pokéball

Key Items:
Posted Image PokéDex
Posted Image Journal
Posted Image Holocaster
Trainer Advancement[/]Advancement Points: 0
Tier 0:


Pokemon

Total EXP Gained: 0

[/i]
Pokemon
Posted Image
(Snivy)
Caught at Level 5


Nickname:Sen
Gender:Male
Type:Grass
Ability:Overgrow
Height:0.6 m
Weight:8.1 kg
Health: low
EXP Rate:Medium Slow
EXP Gauge: (0/6)
EXP Gained: 0
Level: 5
Division: D
Total Stats:
  • Attack: 45(%)
  • Defense: 55 (%)
  • Sp. Attack: 16 (%)
  • Sp. Defense: 7(%)
  • Speed: 13 (%)

Vitamins Used:None
Moveset:
1. Tackle
2.Leer

Unique Moves:
-
-
-
-
Item:


PC Box: Stored Pokemon


Journal

Adventure Log
 
Adventure Log goes in here
Edited by EdwinNoviceTrainer43, 29 Jul 2015, 10:06 AM.
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Posted Image Bones
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Nooope

Alrighty Edwin! We’ve already been acquainted so let’s get started!

I’m very sure that you’ve read all the resources given to you as we have directed them to you plenty of times in the Cbox! So with that said, I will not sugar coat anything -

First off, I would kindly like to direct you towards not one, but two example profiles found upon the ”Character Application Template”. All you must do is simply scroll up and there is an example of how to properly fill out the application right in front of you! Another example can also be seen under a spoiler tag named “Luna”. Not only that but I would also like to show you another resource that will assist you even further called the ”Common Application Mistakes” and they are there for an incredibly good reason! *wink wink* Not only that but please put everything in proper English sentences and format. This means full sentences and proper capitalization. Think of this as your resume turning it into a boss of some sort! Yay!

Now, to move on, please recheck your profile for any coding, all grammar, sentence, and wording errors. There are an absolute surplus amount here and it is increasingly difficult to read and understand your character. Other errors include the inconsistency of what is bolded and not bolded as well as the blaring mistake that is centered for the “Trainer Profile” title.

For his ”Height” and ”Weight”, I have absolutely no idea what this means. Please specify what type of measurements these are. Labels make the world go round!

Like we have repeatedly said, Godai is based on absolute realism in terms of Humans that roam about! That being said, please specify what type of red for his ”Hair”. If it is bright neon red then this is not allowed because we are not naturally born with this. Was he also born with blue highlights? I sure hope not. Work your lovely magic of imagination and realism - this I know you can absolutely do! The same goes with his ”Eyes” as unless properly worded, literal “emerald green” eyes do not exist, but this won’t stop you from being creative with your word to find a way around it! Do some research and of course apply it to Real Life.

For his ”Clothing [...]” please specify more than that. Is that literally all he wears? What about during scorching or frigid weather conditions? If he only wears one type of outfit day in and day out well please mention that but don’t forget to center around Realism! Think of all the bacteria that can accumulate on one outfit and how sick he may get. If he has a certain style be sure to add that in too!

For his ”General Appearance” let’s hope his skin is not white as snow! Have you seen that in a normal human being? I have, but I work in the morgue and even then it is not snow white - it is turning quite grey. Not only that but perhaps add a bit more about how others view him or if he has a distinguishing walk? Etcetc.

Please check what I told you earlier to know how to fill out the ”Hometown”. You may easily find this information if you only simply take the time to read ”Common Application Mistakes”.

Now! Let’s focus mainly on his Personality and History -

For his ”Personality” this is not bad! It’s adorable, but I must still hold you up to the same standard as everyone else I come across. With that said, although you’ve hit the minimum I’m positive you can add in much much much more to make him a more real and wholesome person. Ask yourself a lot of “why”s and “how”s when doing his profile. Why does he like sweets? How does it make him feel? Why does he hate crookers and ghost pokemon? How does he react to them? I can literally ask this for every sentence put. Not only that but again please be realistic. Can you have enough energy to run 100 miles? The last patient I examined passed away into another dimension after pushing himself to run 13 miles without proper training of any sort so I’m not sure Wind can run that much at such a young age. Again, please think realistically and be plausible. What else can we tell about him? What about his morals and beliefs? Strengths and weaknesses? Oh so many questions! How else is he as a person? How does he interact with people in general? Etcetc.

The same can be said for his ”History”. Wind’s history is lacking in psychological accuracy and orphanage accuracy period. This is what I warned you about in the Cbox! But that’s okay! I’ll guide you through it as long as you are willing to do some research and to think realistically. But let’s say the orphanage was a little bit neglectful. Why didn’t Wind fight against it? Why didn’t these environmental factors force him to become a bit more pushy? How in the world does this even relate to the little information in his personality? Don’t forget, as a child, he is a blank slate and we as children tend to over exaggerate a lot in our daily life up until our teens. How did he feel throughout those years in the Orphanage? Didn’t he question his parents like ALL orphans go through? What about the stages orphans go through when they are in foster care and the like? What about the emotional distress they go to? If not, why and how? Not only that but oh dear he ran away when he was 8 years old and lived 5 years in a Haunted Mansion full of what we can only assume is filled with dangerous pokemon? How come he wasn’t caught by the police? How did he even survive? What about food? The necessary nutrients? What psychological trauma did he experience with pokemon? Where did he obtain money for clothing to fit him? Oh my! Please be accurate and realistic!

Let’s stop here and work on everything else another day. You have a lot of work to do but it’s okay! If you need help you know how to reach us but please try and attempt these yourself. I know you can do it! Good luck! ♥
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Sonak Paetdee
Kian Conrad
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Posted Image EdwinNoviceTrainer43
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Fixed it
Edited by EdwinNoviceTrainer43, 14 May 2015, 03:47 PM.
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Posted Image Bones
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Nooope

Alrighty Edwin! Clearly you’ve had a lot of time to remind us and look over everything. Because of this I’m sure you want to get accepted ASAP so I’m going to just list your corrections since I’m also on a time crunch -

  • Again please look at coding and bolding errors. There is clearly a mistake the second you look at your application. Please also look at ”Accepted Characters” so you can view resources for yourself.
  • There is no such thing as “ibs” for pounds. Google the correct label.
  • For ”Hair [...]” and ”Eyes”, time and again we have shown you to resources. Please also look at ”Accepted Characters” for an idea.
  • Please write everything in sentence format this applies to ALL categories. Please also look at ”Accepted Characters”.
  • Please put a space between “ : “ and your information. Please also look at ”Accepted Characters”.
  • For his ”General Appearance” how does he walk? What are first impressions that go through other people’s mind when they see him?
  • For his ”Hometown” please look at ”Accepted Characters” and ”Common Application Mistakes” again.
  • Please write in formal writing thing means “kinda”, “wanna”, “ganna”, “pissed” is not acceptable. Use the vocabulary you have learned currently.
  • Please look at my Previous Post for Wind’s ”Personality”. Ask the “why”s and “how”s of his personality. Why does he like sweets? What feeling does he get when he likes it? Think deeper. Why does he hate arrogant trainers? What specifically about those traits does he not like in others? What are his beliefs and morals? Please also look at ”Accepted Characters”.
  • Please use proper punctuation and just overall please use proper English and grammar.
  • For his ”History”, because he survived on “scraps” how was his mental state of mind and did he suffer any other bodily harm? Think realistically. Think deeper. What do you mean by “selling” him? Godai is still a rather modern world and if there is a sketchy orphanage, it will be closed down immediately after background checks of all kinds. Please do your research. What is this “haunted mansion” you speak of? How did this scar the 8 year old on a psychological basis? Do your research please. Especially for a boy of 8 years old. How in the world did he survive? Children can not just randomly learn things in the road from strangers. This is the time where people call 911. Again please look at my previous post. Please also look at ”Accepted Characters”. Please be real.
We will stop here. You have a lot of time to look over your character. Please be real. Please read carefully. Please look at previous posts. Please also look at ”Accepted Characters”.

Good luck. Please post a reply exactly how you did previously to notify us. You do not have to constantly tell us in the CBox because we will see it here. When we have time we will get to you. While you are waiting, please look at previous posts. Please also look at ”Accepted Characters”. There is a good reason for repetition.
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Sonak Paetdee
Kian Conrad
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Posted Image EdwinNoviceTrainer43
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I was able to fix some of it but might need help bones
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Posted Image EdwinNoviceTrainer43
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I think I'm almost done
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Posted Image Mr. Johnapillar
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You've still got a while to go before you're done unfortunately.

I will let Bones continue helping you with the content of your appearance personality and history, but I want to make sure you understand something first. Even in profiles, type in full sentences, Subjects and verbs. Don't use partials like "Has this quality" unless it is part of a proper sentence. It is very easy to do.

Next, make sure you include a space not only after our provided bold coding, but after every full stop.

Next, you have a random italic code ending in your profile, edit that out.

Your Snivy needs a picture in your pokemon section, fill that out accordingly.

You cannot start at level 10. Your EXP gauge is filled out incorrectly, please read our EXP Table post in the Guide to Godai RP, it outlines how you are supposed to this. Your Stats are also incorrect. Read the Stat Post in the Guide to GOdai RP, the fourth post, for information there. And Furthermore your moves are both incorrect and numbered incorrectly.

Also, I don't know what you've attached, but there is no reason to attach anything to your character sheet. Remove that.

Examples of all of this can be seen in Accepted Characters, please take the time to compare your profile to those and make sure you are fully educated in our systems.

Hopefully this will help you toward getting accepted~
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Seth Halley Thawyer • Astronomer • Total EXP Gained: 369 • Dians: *dian* 300 • Location: Serenity Lake

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