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Olivia Smitters (FINISHED) (UNDERGOING EDITING); Small Medium with a Large ego
Topic Started: 30 May 2015, 03:49 AM (201 Views)
Posted Image FutureNekomata
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Trainer Profile

Character Name: Olivia Smitters
Nickname: Half-Pint, Small-Fry, That one creepy ghost girl, and Shortstack
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Trainer Class: Medium

Height: 5' 2
Weight: 124 pounds
Hair Color & Style: Extremely long, black hair that has transformed into a wild, tangled mess that no brush could ever hope to tame.
Eyes: Almond-shaped grey eyes with delicate black eye-brows and heavy bags under them
Clothing/Accessories: She has pair of horn-rimmed glasses and a large over-the-shoulder purple purse which carries most of her supplies for battling, in addition to a hiker's backpack that carries many of her clothes, books, and other necessities, with the exception of a hairbrush, which she forgot.. She typically wears a light-purple T-shirt with a dark purple jacket over it, a pair of black jeans, and dark purple tennis-shoes. However, she also has a few extra jackets, jeans, and T-shirts of varying colors that she mixes and matches with reckless abandon, making anyone with any fashion knowledge cringe. When it cold, she trades her jacket for a long, heavy dark green coat that can literally be used as a sleeping bag. When its hot, she simply takes her jacket off, but keeps the jeans since she doesn't get hot too easily. When she is forced to go to formal occasions, she wears a blue-grey kimono given to her by her grandfather.

General Appearance: Olivia is a very short girl whose hair probably weighs more than she does, leading people to believe that she is younger than she actually is. She usually walks a bit hunched over due to the weight of her backpack, but is starting to shoulder the weight better and stand up straighter. She never wears make-up unless she is literally forced to. Most of the time she looks bored or apathetic, but she has a naturally heart-shaped face. She is fairly scrawny and pale, but starting to become more tan and in-shape as her journey progresses.
Hometown: Kotoba City
Personality: Olivia is a very intelligent and proud woman. She is a bit of a know it all and will point out if someone is wrong since she highly values knowledge , making her a bit annoying to be around due to her correcting you. Still, if someone corrects her on some information, she will actually thank them for setting her misconceptions straight, but silently curse herself for not double-checking the information before she aid it. She loves reading and has difficulty interacting with other people. She really only voluntarily interacts with pokemon, which she sees as more understanding and innocent than people, and people older than her since those are the only people she has had any practice interacting with. She finds fashion confusing because there are a lot of seemingly redundant rules to it that she can't seem to understand and doesn't really understand her generation due to their preference for the 'here and now' compared to a long-term plan. She also hates to be teased about her height, claiming that she is not small, she is vertically challenged. She lives by the mottos, "A good decision is based on knowledge and not on numbers" and "Death is yet another opportunity" and delights in learning anything she didn't know before, no matter how inane. She dislikes crowded areas, since large amounts of noise gives her a headache and makes her feel as if she was going to throw up, which further distances herself from her generation seeing as they prefer crowded gatherings to quiet ones. Her dream is to become a ghost-type gym leader since she has respected gym leaders for their guidance. She hates to say goodbye to anyone, so she tries to distance herself from strangers so that she would not be forced to ever see another person close to her leave again. (At a young age, she was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, and she has self-diagnosed herself with a Napoleon complex)
History: Olivia was born to a wealthy business woman and her husband. Her mother was a head-member of the board of public relations in Cobalt, and her father worked as a high-ranking accountant. Her birth was entirely an accident as her parents wanted to wait until they had a sizable nest-egg stored up so they could be there more for their children. Because her parents were still busy with their jobs, but they wanted the best for their child, she was frequently attended to by babysitters and tutors who spoiled her. However, she always enjoyed the summers where, in an effort to show Olivia what normal life is like, she was sent to live with her grandfather on her father's side, who lived in the more traditional parts of Kotoba City. He worked as the head-groundskeeper in the local cemetery. It was there that Olivia learned how to respect the dead , since they were just people who had passed on to a new adventure, bringing people together along the way, and that she could feel the emotions of the dead. When she was of age to go to school, her parents enrolled her in a private school renowned for its innovative curriculum. Still, Olivia had a hard time making friends due to her complete lack of social skills and the fact that she talked about death like it was completely normal. It didn't help her reputation that when in 3th grade, when they were taken to a pokemon breeding ranch on a class field trip, she didn't go over and play any of the 'cute' pokemon but instead went over to the ghost types and simply watched them play, sometimes joining in on a game or two if prompted. This earned her the nickname of "the creepy ghost girl". While Olivia heard the rumors about her, but didn't particularly care since she mainly only talked to the teachers. Still, she had very little social experience and it shows in her adulthood. She mainly interacted with the teachers, who praised her for her intelligence, developing her ego and love for knowledge.

One night, when it was so dark that you could barely see your hand, Olivia's grandfather made her turn the light off and get to bed in the middle of the climax of her book. Looking around for anything to read by, Olivia noticed a strange blue light outside. Climbing out the window of her first-story bedroom, Olivia chased after the light.

When morning came, and Olivia's grandfather come in to check on her, Olivia was not on her bed. Panicking, he searched the entire grounds for her: he eventually sleeping next to a tombstone, a book in her hands, and an equally asleep Litwick next to her. While she was grounded for almost a month, she made a new friend that day: Illuminati the Litwick.

As soon a Olivia completed secondary school, she prepared for her pokemon journey. She exchanged a tearful goodbye with her grandfather and left a note to her parents explaining her decision. With Illuminati by her side, she felt that she cold do anything. Together they head off to Skytouch forest, hoping to challenge the gym at Scurarte town.

Inventory

Dians: *dian* 1,000

Items:
Posted Image 5x Pokéball

Key Items:
Posted Image PokéDex
Posted Image Journal
Posted Image Holocaster
Trainer AdvancementAdvancement Points: 0
Tier 0:

Pokemon

Total EXP Gained: 0

Pokemon
Posted Image
(Name of Pokemon)
Caught at Level 5


Nickname: Illuminati
Gender: Male
Type: Ghost/Fire
Ability:Flash Fire
Height: 1'00
Weight: 6.8 pounds
Health: Low
EXP Rate: Medium Slow
EXP Gauge: (6/8)
EXP Gained: 0
Level: 5
Division: D8
Total Stats: 50
  • Attack: 6 (10%)
  • Defense: 6
  • Sp. Attack: 14
  • Sp. Defense: 14
  • Speed: 10

Vitamins Used: None
Moveset:
1. Ember
1. Astonish
3. Minimize
5. Smog

Unique Moves:
-
-
-
-
Item:


PC Box: Stored Pokemon


Journal

Adventure Log
 
Adventure Log goes in here
Edited by FutureNekomata, 6 Jun 2015, 10:36 AM.
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Nooope

Hey Neko! Because of the Rules just above when posting this, I'm going to move this into the "Incomplete Characters" section due to it being a WIP. But no worries! Whenever you're done, simply post a reply to this and we can get crackin'! Good luck! ♥
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Sonak Paetdee
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Alright, I just finished it. I'm sorry I didn't post it in the incomplete characters beforehand.
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Nooope

Alrighty Neko! And no worries at all! I made the same mistake too when I first started! But anyways, welcome to Godai! I’m sure you want to get accepted ASAP so let’s begin -

First off, I would recommend perhaps reading ”Common Application Mistakes” once more to see what you’re missing for Olivia’s ”Hometown” and anything else that you may or may not be missing - such as a misspelling of the town!

For her ”Clothing [...]” this is good but is that all she wears? A sentence is also found in your General Appearance, so perhaps transfer that up into Clothing? Not only that but what about cold or hot weathers? Sounds like she might succumb to hypothermia now that it’s winter! Does she have a certain style perhaps? Another set of clothing? So on and so forth.

For her ”General Appearance” this is good! However, I feel you can add in just a bit more such a paragraph or a sentence or two. For example, does she walk a certain way? With confidence? No? What about any first impressions she gives off? What are people’s impression on her upon a glance? Etc.

However, most importantly let’s zoom into her Personality and History -

Great job on reaching the minimum but I am positive you can add in much much much more! Always as “why” and “how” when going over Olivia’s ”Personality” again. Why does she feel herself to be this know it all and especially put out things when someone is wrong? Does she get a thrill from this? Or does she simply do it in order to help herself set things straight? Or perhaps she does it because she likes to see the light in people’s eyes who think they’re intelligent fade away when proven wrong? Iunno! Not my character! Why does she “really only voluntarily interacts with pokemon and people older than her”? For what reason? How? What will she do? What will she do with those younger than her then? Why does she find fashion confusing? An example is exactly like that last sentence! You answered the ‘why’ for that one. Try and be consistent like that - think on a psychological basis. Not only that but what else can we take for her? What strengths or weaknesses does she have that affects her on a psychological basis? What are her morals or beliefs? Something she will abide by no matter what? How is she with family and friends then? What is her view on mankind? Pokemonkind? Is there a life motto she lives by? So on and so forth. These are just questions to further guide you in making a wholesome character! You don’t literally have to answer it - but of course never be afraid to dish out the details!

The same applies to Olivia’s ”History”. In what ways did these events affect Olivia on a mental level throughout her childhood to her teen years? How did she feel throughout all this? In what ways does her ”History” compliment her ”Personality”? What other events, obstacles, and experiences shaped her to be who she is as you described today? How was her relationship with her parents? If they were so busy all the time and she was forced to go live with her paternal grandfather, how did she feel? (by the way recheck the spelling of the city!) How did she learn to respect the dead - just because she can feel the emotions of it doesn’t make it so. In what ways psychologically affected her that she could obtain this trait called “respect”? Not only that but how was her relationship with her grandfather? Wait, are you saying that when she was old enough to /go to/ school, she instead didn’t go to school but got tutours? Please elaborate on this part as it is slightly confusing! That’s about all I see for her history - is there literally no more? The last 75% is about her obtaining the Litwick. Remember that her history is about Olivia herself and what factors allowed her to be this individual as you described her above - not a story about how she obtained her Litwick. What about her friends? How did she obtain this sense to constantly point out things wrong? Just because she had specialized tutour(s) doesn’t mean a child is automatically a genius or intelligent. Personality wise it depends on whether or not they want to pursue this act of knowledge of rebel. So on and so forth. Don’t be afraid to really dish out the details! Because Olivia’s ”Personality” is lacking, it is only natural for her ”History” to follow the same fate - but no worries! The more you add to one section, the other will follow suit. I am positive you can do this!

We’ll stop here and focus on everything else another day. When any changes have been implemented, please post a rely and we will review it once again! Good luck! ♥
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Sonak Paetdee
Kian Conrad
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Posted Image FutureNekomata
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I think I fixed everything.
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Nooope

Alrighty! These are much better edits. Everything is almost perfect, so kudos! However, there’s just a little bit more -

For Olivia’s ”Hometown” please check ”Common Application Mistakes” to see how to properly do it. I assure you once you see it you’ll be like OOOOH.

The only left to focus on is her ”Personality” and ”History” but even then I only ask for a little bit more of an elaboration on some parts -

Starting off with her ”Personality”, this is good however, constantly ask yourself “why” and “how”. For example, how does she have a hard time interacting with people? And I would say “why” for it as well but you stated in parenthesis that she has been diagnosed with “Asperger's Syndrome at a young age and been self-diagnosed herself with a Napoleon complex”. Because this is stated, I must ask you to elaborate quite heavily on this just so it’s not put in as “two worded” excuse for the lack of descriptions. I very very much doubt that was your intention but we have had some people do that in the past! So attempt to incorporate the symptoms of the diagnosis and for what reasons that show that she has Aspergers - which would be perfect into describing how she has a difficult time interacting with others to societal norms. Be specific on this so I know that you have done your research or simply understand it. As for the latter complex, I hardly see it mentioned within the text. Not only that but how has it shaped her overal personality and how does she feel about having the knowledge of being diagnosed with it? If she feels neutral towards it - why and how? Not everyone has to feel bad! And also, please specify which on the spectrum of Asperger’s Syndrome does she have? Is it minor? Major? You don’t literally need to go into the huge specifics, but at least incorporate the key aspects.

Now the exact same thing can be said for her ”History”. Don’t be afraid to flush out those details. Again, because you stated those disorders, you must show the symptoms that soon led towards being diagnosed with the first one. What were the signs of this as a child? And if the parents never had any time to take care of her, how would they obtain enough of the observance of their child to take them to see a child psychologist? In what ways did Olivia act that made them go “this child is not normal” and then elaborate on how being diagnosed with it affected her throughout her years. How did she feel, what did she feel, and how did she overcome it in the following years? If there was nothing to overcome, then why and how? How was her relationship with her parents then? How did she feel when she had a difficult making friends? Why didn’t she care about it and what was so significant about the teachers (these adults) that differentiated from the children at her age? Why didn’t see want to belong in her peer groups and such? Very simple answer for this but I’d like to hear it from Olivia’s side! How did she fare in Secondary School? What other events, obstacles, or experiences did she go through that allowed her soe emotional and personal development? No child likes to be ostracized and it takes a strong will or motivation to distance themselves away from negative feelings and onto positive feelings - so how did Olivia manage that especially with her disorder and self complex? So on and so forth!

Again, don’t be afraid to dish out the details. It may seem I’m asking for a lot, but honestly I’m only looking for just a few more paragraphs in her ”History” to incorporate more on her upbringing and teenage years. Then lastly I’m just looking for maybe a few more sentences or a paragraph on her ”Personality”.

Lastly, for your ”Pokedex” you did well! Just one error and it seems you forgot to pick a % for your Litwick’s speed! Then, if need be, change your stats accordingly.

That’s it! You know the drill once any changes have been implemented. Good luck! You’re very close. ♥
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