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Locked Topic
[A]Adam "Dark" Volchris; [Accepted]
Topic Started: 4 Jun 2015, 12:18 AM (408 Views)
Posted Image Dark
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Trainer Profile

Character Name: Adam Volchris
Nickname: Dark
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Trainer Class: Bug Catcher

Height: 5'9"
Weight: 145 lbs
Hair Color & Style: Dark's hair is messily put on his head. Locks of hair spike out from improper combing. He does little to keep his hair from looking ridiculous, though he does fix mildly from time to time if there are extreme locks of hair that jut out. His hair is black with a a green sheen to it. It is most green, about a myrtle green, in harsh sunlight. It is barely noticeable, though, under normal circumstances.

Eyes: Dark's eyes are originally a light green. He does not like this color much, so when he grew older, he got orange-ish red eye contacts. They are bright and intense, never looking a person but carefully taking in all details in from of them. His eyes are plain aside from their color, as they do not twinkle or emote much.

Clothing/Accessories: Usually he wears a solid white t-shirt. That often gets dirty, though, so he has about five assorted colors in his backpack as well. They are very basic, though they have a complimentary color for the hem, sleeve, and neckline of the shirt. Usually these colors are bright. In addition, he wears faded blue jeans. The are not too tight, but they are loose enough for him to move in. When it gets too hot, he switches to shorts and the same top, usually.

In the colder months, though, Dark wears a blue and orange puffy jacket. It is durable and incredibly warm, and about one size too large for his body. He looks somewhat funny with it on, so when he is in buildings or pokemon centers, he tends to have his jacket off. He only wears his regular shirts under the coat; when outside, the hoodie and drawstrings and adjustable cuffs on his jacket seal in the heat. The extra room also allows him to put his hands near his chest when the temperatures get too frigid.

General Appearance: Though there are a few noticeable features, everything on Dark is somewhat plain. Even the way he carries himself is unassuming, as his posture is not too uptight but allows his average height to sink into a crowd. When walking, he is known to move in tandem with others, so his speed and stride will change to match those he is walking next to or the general rhythm of the street. When alone, Dark usually walks rather slowly, taking in the environment as he goes. He is unabsorbed with everything going on superficially, ergo his own superficial traits tend to be unkempt and less than extravagant. His eyes are the exception, as they tend to dart around a lot, constantly taking in the environment. His build is somewhat athletic, but nowhere near a full athletic build. For someone who is stereotypically "nerdy" and as antisocial as Dark, he does not resemble the stereotype at all. Even as a stock nerd, he flies under the radar.

Posted Image

Hometown: Dark was born in Sangproctor City, in West Godai.
Personality:
Spoiler: click to toggle


History:
Spoiler: click to toggle


Inventory

Dians: Posted Image 1,340

Items:
Posted Image 5x Pokéball

Key Items:
Posted Image PokéDex
Posted Image Journal
Posted Image Holocaster
Trainer AdvancementAdvancement Points: 1
Tier 0: To be the best 1/15

Pokemon

Total EXP Gained: 8

Pokemon
Posted Image
Dwebble
Caught at Level 5


Nickname: Prax
Gender: Male
Type: Bug/Rock
Ability: Sturdy
Height: 1'00"
Weight: 32 lbs
Health: Low
EXP Rate: Medium fast
EXP Gauge: (15/18)
EXP Gained: 8
Level: 8
Division: D8
Total Stats: 88
  • Attack: 21
  • Defense: 29 (33%)
  • Sp. Attack: 5
  • Sp. Defense: 18
  • Speed: 15

Vitamins Used: None
Moveset:
1. Fury Cutter
5. Rock Blast

7. Withdraw

Unique Moves:
-
-
-
-
Item:


PC Box: Stored Pokemon


Journal

Adventure Log
 
Shadowed Adventures! - 8 EXP, 1AP, Posted Image 340
Edited by Wremnpom, 19 Jun 2015, 12:00 PM.
DARK • Bug Catcher
Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: *dian* 1,000
Location: Kagereta Woods


CHARACTER’s Pokemon
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Posted Image Wremn
Member Avatar
Blerrraaaugh -fire-

Heya Dark!!!! I'm so excited to have your Profile be the first profile I get to critique as a Novice Mod. I hope I do well, and it all looks pretty good, so I hope I can help your profile get the Approvals it needs to get you started on your adventure!

So, let's begin!


  • Though this isn't such a big issue, change pounds to lbs for aesthetic reasons.

  • I adore his simplicity in clothing, but as it is Winter and chilly in Godai currently, it would be fair to include a little more to his wardrobe variety.

  • I like his current Personality but I know for certain you could give me more. For example, Why is he so reserved? What does his affinity toward bug pokemon reveal about him as a person? As from what I can gather from your profile, you probably wrote the personality before the history and as such, how valid is his old "Adam" personality? Describe the extent of which Adam's new cocooning personality has affected his old personality.

  • As for his history, you speak about Adam's friends. How did his two friends affect him as a person? Did they have any aid in his cocooning? How did his parents respond to his leaving the house or becoming a trainer? They seemed so intent on keeping him at home. I just want to see extra detail regarding his transformation, since it's so pivotal, yet it seems to have been simply tacked onto the end of the history.

  • For your Poke Profile,
    • Again, change pounds to lbs for aesthetic reasons.
    • You also don't need the extra percentages, and the range for the Defense stat is between 28% and 34%. Thus, the rest of your stats will need to be fixed.
    • Dwebble also learns Rock Blast at lvl 5, so replace that 2 with a 5.
    • Since Dwebble's Exp Rate is Medium Fast change the Exp Gauge to (7/9) as per the Exp Table



Wewt, so I know that may look like a lot to change, but trust me when I say that you're almost there! It's a really good profile, and once you make these few changes, I know the approvals will come along soon~ Thanks again for your patience, and don't forget to respond once you've made your superb changes!
Posted Image


Characters
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Posted Image Dark
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Okay~! I think everything is good, hopefully it gets accepted!
DARK • Bug Catcher
Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: *dian* 1,000
Location: Kagereta Woods


CHARACTER’s Pokemon
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Posted Image Wremn
Member Avatar
Blerrraaaugh -fire-

Loooooooooovely~ Awesome changes! Awesome, awesome, awesome!


The only thing that needs changing, and it's really miniscule, but just change the percentage in the parentheses to (33%). Change it and you're good with me bud!

[EDIT] ~Also change the title of your main thread to Adam "Dark" Volchris instead of Brent. Sorry, I didn't mean to miss that.~

I'll give you my stamp now. But don't forget to reply in order to get your second approval!

Posted Image
Edited by Wremn, 4 Jun 2015, 09:43 PM.
Posted Image


Characters
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Posted Image Dark
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Whoops. How did that even happen? Haha, but done, and done! :D
DARK • Bug Catcher
Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: *dian* 1,000
Location: Kagereta Woods


CHARACTER’s Pokemon
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Posted Image Bones
Member Avatar
Nooope

Whoot! Alrighty Dark! My turn! So far this is absolutely wonderful! There’s just a few things I’d like to see on my end before I give you your final approval -

First, unless you want it for purely aesthetic reasons on your own, I would ask that you unbold the information after the colon, like how you did the other categories below.

For his ”Clothing [...]” please add just a sentence or two about what he would wear during hot weather? If he wears the exact same attire during those seasons, then you can feel free to add that in there as well.

For his ”General Appearance” a sentence or two about what it means for him to carrying himself as “unassuming”? This being, does he walk with a slouch? Or does he walk with enough confidence to get by? Or perhaps the way he walks is shuffling a certain pattern on his feet that allows him to pass by others with a jiffy? Something like that!

Then, although I love Adam’s ”Personality”, I feel you can elaborate just a tad bit more! Constantly ask yourself the “why”s and “how”s. For example, why does Adam keep to himself? For what reason does he do this? I’m not talking about the surface or what he likes/dislikes but more on a psychological basis. For what reason does he keep to himself? Does he, himself, feel that this obsessive nature of his does not fit into mainstream society? Is he embarrassed by this and doesn’t want others to know? Does he feel that he’d be ridiculed should he let anyone know what he likes? In what ways does he try to show his love to others? Is it through objects or trinkets of their desires, or remembering someone’s birthday? Details like that! Not only that but what else can you tell me about him on a more psychological basis that allowed his personality to take shape? What areh is morals? Beliefs? Life motto perhaps? Something he would never budge from no matter what? If not, then why? What’s his view on mankind, pokemon kind? Or just people in general? Or, better even, how does he feel about himself?!

As for your ”History” it is almost spot on! The only things I feel is missing is how did he develop the other traits as listed in his Personality? You did absolutely fantastic in describing his interests and studies, but what else about him? What other events, obstacles, and experienced shaped him to allow a sense of personal and emotional growth to allow him to be this person you describe him to be today? One of the perfect ways you can elaborate on this is that pivotal moment that Adamn began to change. You say he felt paralyzed - how? What went through his mind and what series of conclusions did he go through that allowed him to obtain this catalyst to change over this amount of time? What was the final deciding factor that pushed him over the edge that was described in that final paragraph? For example, did the phrase “I can’t stay here any longer” come? Which then allowed a feeling of being trapped and confined to the rules of society to filter through? Doesn’t have to be literally that, of course, but it’s just an example!

And lastly because you mentioned that he had made two best friends being Brent and Allie, in what ways did their friendship shape him to be a better person especially for a person who “kept to himself”? How did he make these friends in the first place and what was so special about those two that stuck with him along the way? What about his relationship with his parents? Why didn’t they help him out of his “dark” moments as well regardless if they were constantly out at work? They have to come back sometime right? Were they simply watching from the sidelines, not noticing the complete change in their child? Did they just wave it off like some phase? Why or why not? Honestly, it may seem long but I’m really only looking for one or two more paragraphs nothing humongous although I won’t stop you if you choose to do so!

That’s it! Everything else looks fabtacular! Please post a response whenever you have made any changes. Good luck! ♥
Posted Image
Sonak Paetdee
Kian Conrad
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Posted Image Dark
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omg I didn't know how little you wanted. I really wanted to cover my bases! I hope it's enough, but if it's not please let me know!
DARK • Bug Catcher
Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: *dian* 1,000
Location: Kagereta Woods


CHARACTER’s Pokemon
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Posted Image Bones
Member Avatar
Nooope

To me the more the merrier. And I am very satisfied with these changes. Great job! Glad to see you again, my friend. ♥

Your character application has now been accepted! Please make sure to create a signature of your character. Once that is done, you are now free to RP! If you made a personal mistake with your character, please submit a modification process involving a revamp.

This topic is now closed without further ado.
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Sonak Paetdee
Kian Conrad
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