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Sparren; my OC application
Topic Started: 19 Jun 2015, 09:12 PM (240 Views)
Posted Image PeytonJay
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Trainer Profile

Character Name: Sparren Buster
Nickname: N/A
Gender: Male
Age: 16
Trainer Class: Pokemon Trainer

Birthday: February 8th, 184

Allignment: Chaotic Good

Height: 6' 1''
Weight: 208
Hair Color & Style: Very messy, chopped up, pitch black hair. It normally covers his ears, and sometimes gets in his eyes.
Eyes: VERY dark brown, almost to the point where it could be legally black.
Clothing/Accessories:He normally wears a dirty, rugged cloak that covers most of his body at any given time. Underneath the cloak, he has a black tanktop, with faded light grey jeans. He wears a brown belt.
General Appearance: Has a toned, muscular build, but not nearly big enough to be intimidating. He has a small frame, actually. Tanned, olive skin, with a young looking face. He normally has a goofy grin plastered on his face. He could be mistaken for a 18 year old.

Hometown: Wisteur Town, born and raised. Eastern Region.
Personality: Put the traits mischievous, happy-go-lucky, friendly, lucky in general, and you've got Sparren. He normally keeps to himself, until such time as he decides the place needs a 'spark'. It was one of his 'sparks' that caused him to get kicked out of his town, and starting his journey. He acts almost like a monkey, once he's adjusted in his settings. He's rather bendy, often finding time to do a multitude of tasks, and never breaks a promise, even if it means he has to stick his neck out. He loves making friends, though the few he makes is normally people who just like his personality. Other people just plain wants him to go away. He laughs at misfortune, even if it means he was the one who got unlucky. Extremely optimistic, making light of even the darkest of situations.

History:He grew up in a town thats normally quiet. He had a brother, Louise, and a mother, but his dad had gone off on his own pokemon journey. He went to school, got mediocre grades, and nothing interesting ever happened.

That was a huge problem.

He caused all sorts of problems, even when he only wanted to help. This included everything, from mixing huge amounts of vinegar and baking soda in church, to accidentally cracking the school bell. He wanted to stay, and clean up after his messes, but he was always chased away. Up to the point where he realized its his purpose to create chaos.

When he turned sixteen, he decided he'll start his pokemon journey. And he'll go out with a bang.

Which meant he put seventy-plus firecrackers in the town square, faked a town meeting, and set them off dangerously close to the ground. The villagers were not amused. He was given the most erratic pokemon they had, and was run out.

Sparren couldn't be happier. Him and his charmander grew to be best of friends almost immediately. They had similar traits, the charmander also caused trouble with the other starters, and also played pranks. Sparren was actually the only human Charmander liked, and respected. The two were close, often sharing everything from food to clothes. Of course, Sparren did odd jobs to provide for the two, and Charmander was grateful. In return, Charmander would provide heat when they couldn't afford rooms. Which happened more often then they would admit.

They journey not to become Pokemon Masters, nor to become, say, a Gym Leader, or an Elite Four. They look for friends. Because of this, they dont really battle. They almost never do, however, they DO train from time to time. Sparren included, working along-side Charmander to improve his physical strength. Who knows who they'll meet next?

Inventory

Dians: *dian* 1,000

Items:
Posted Image 5x Pokéball

Key Items:
Posted Image PokéDex
Posted Image Journal
Posted Image Holocaster
Trainer AdvancementAdvancement Points: 0
Tier 0:
- Title: (0/0)

Pokemon

Total EXP Gained: 0

Pokemon
Posted Image
Charmander
Caught at Level 5


Nickname: N/A
Gender: Male
Type: Fire
Ability: Blaze
Height: 2'0''
Weight: 18.7 lbs
Health: Scrawny
EXP Rate: Medium Slow
EXP Gauge: (6/8)
EXP Gained: 6
Level: 5
Division: D8
Total Stats: 55
  • Attack: 11
  • Defense: 9
  • Sp. Attack: 11 (20%)
  • Sp. Defense: 10
  • Speed: 14 (26%)


Vitamins Used: None
Moveset:
1. Scratch
5. Growl

Unique Moves:
-
-
-
-
Item:


PC Box: Stored Pokemon


Journal

Adventure Log
 
Adventure Log goes in here
Edited by PeytonJay, 20 Jun 2015, 12:00 AM.
Sparren * Pokemon Trainer * Total Experience: 0 *dian* 0 *
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Posted Image Bones
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Nooope

Hey Peyton! I know you're excited to get started, however you must follow the code provided in "Character Application Template". (Basically you will copy and paste that) Also, if you scroll up within that area, there are two examples literally provided that will tell you exactly how to fill out your profile. This means word limits and especially the Pokedex.

Until then, this profile will be considered a WIP for you. I'll give you two days before I will move it back into "Incomplete Characters"! If you still need help you know how to get us. ♥
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Sonak Paetdee
Kian Conrad
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Posted Image PeytonJay
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alright, found the code. how is it now, doc?
Sparren * Pokemon Trainer * Total Experience: 0 *dian* 0 *
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Posted Image Bones
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Nooope

Good Peyton! But don't forget, like I said, we got two examples right for your taking in the "Character Application Template". Check it out once more for Word Count and the Pokedex. I'll give you another chance to review it before I really look at this as a whole.

For better examples, check out "Accepted Characters"! Until then, just reply here once more and then I'll get to it all together.
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Sonak Paetdee
Kian Conrad
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how about now?
Sparren * Pokemon Trainer * Total Experience: 0 *dian* 0 *
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Bones
19 Jun 2015, 10:15 PM
Good Peyton! But don't forget, like I said, we got two examples right for your taking in the "Character Application Template". Check it out once more for Word Count and the Pokedex. I'll give you another chance to review it before I really look at this as a whole.

For better examples, check out "Accepted Characters"! Until then, just reply here once more and then I'll get to it all together.
brah?
Sparren * Pokemon Trainer * Total Experience: 0 *dian* 0 *
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anyone?
Sparren * Pokemon Trainer * Total Experience: 0 *dian* 0 *
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Posted Image Mr. Johnapillar
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You have an interesting start here, but let's expand on it.

Firstly, with the clothing, does he only wear those clothes? If he does, you should specify why and how he deals with being cold or hot. Otherwise, describe generally the style of clothing he wears. What colors does he like, how do his clothes fit, things like that.

With his general appearance, your diction is a little contradictary. Someone who is over 200 pounds at 6' 1", generally speaking, cannot be small framed. If he was something more like 150, 160 at a max, being small framed and toned would be more believable. Also, if you want to show that he looks older than he does, describing someone as simply "young faced" acts against that.

There is no need to specify "Born and Raised" in the hometown section.

In personality, he seems a little flat right now. Round him out by thinking about morals, what makes him angry, what makes him upset, depressed, anything beyond "Happy." Also, noting that he "keeps to himself" when everything in his history describes him as having an almost pathological need for attention with disastrous results is contradictory.

Noting about his history, there needs to be a lot more information to justify his personality. Why is he always causing trouble? The note about his father leaving home makes it sound like he has repressed issues of missing his father and makes up for it by getting attention from his victims. But how did his sibling and mother play into this? Family interaction shapes our lives in amazingly vast ways, describe them and think abotu how they might make your character into the kind of man you want. School is just as important. You say he was mediocre, but why? Obviously interesting things did happen if he was wreaking as much havok as you said. What made him focus on that instead of grades?

Furthermore, the part about getting kicked out is a little unfounded. Even in small towns, town meetings aren't popular places, and are very difficult to "fake" due to having to contact each citizen individually somehow. Next, such action wouldn't result in getting kicked out of town, it would involve going to jail or other criminal offenses. It is comedic and a fun idea, but not applicable in a setting like ours.

Next, remove the "Title" information in the TAT section, it should just have advancement points, not placeholders.

Also, if you are not going to use the nickname section, remove it as directed. However, note that it is culturally strange to not name one's pokemon. It's comperable to calling one's pets "Cat" "Dog" "Bird", and is almost inhumane given the intelligence of pokemon. If you want that as a quirk of your character, please include it, otherwise, stretch your creativity and think of what your character might call a Charmander. I find that using names as references to a theme is fun. For example, my character's pokemon are all references to relatively unknown scientists.

Hopefully this helps~ feel free to ask questions if you'd like, the staff will be happy to provide answers~
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Seth Halley Thawyer • Astronomer • Total EXP Gained: 369 • Dians: *dian* 300 • Location: Serenity Lake

Pokemon


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okay, THANK YOU for pointing all those things out.

i shall get to work.
Sparren * Pokemon Trainer * Total Experience: 0 *dian* 0 *
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Blerrraaaugh -fire-

Don't forget to respond here when you've finished!
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Characters
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