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Jay Scott; Character Application! (Awaiting checks)
Topic Started: 20 Jun 2015, 01:47 PM (239 Views)
Posted Image RetroReapa
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Trainer Profile

Character Name: Jason Scott
Nickname: Jay
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Trainer Class: Dragon Tamer

Height: 5'11"
Weight: 180lbs
Hair Color & Style: Dark brown, sometimes mistaken for black, straight with long fringe over face. Fringe comes over his left eye and reaches about midway down his cheek, covering his scar. The rest of his hair is fairly short, not quite shoulder length (but he's growing it out!)
Eyes: His eyes are a mash of colours. Primarily they are a blue/green colour, but around his pupil his eyes are actually a hazel brown. His eyebrows aren't thin, but not overly thick either, and are the same colour as his hair.
Clothing/Accessories: Most often seen in: a hooded jumper of either black, red, orange, yellow or a mix of those colours; black or blue jeans; black combat boots or black trainers with green highlights.

In summer, he wears an assortment of t-shirts, usually lighter colours such as orange and bright red, with pictures of Pokemon on them, most commomly Dragon types but has been seen with a Togepi shirt for no explainable reason. No matter how hot it gets, he will not be caught dead in shorts.

Jay HATES swimming and owns no swimwear whatsoever.

In winter he wears a blue patterned scarf, designed to look like Kingdra scales knitted by his mother. His hoodies are swapped out for a black winter jacket which is probably far too fluffy and slightly big on him (but only because Typhoon likes to curl up inside the jacket and blow bubbles that will frost over in mid-air).

General Appearance: When travelling alone, wears darker colours and seems unapproachable - a solemn look on his face. This is simply because, after growing up without his brother and father, he hates being alone. He brightens up in both mood and wardrobe choice when travelling with others. His most unique feature is a small scar on his upper brow, where he was attacked by his brother's Bagon. The scar matches the shape of the top jaw of said Bagon, and it is usually covered by Jason's fringe.

Hometown: Tiensee Town, South Godai

Personality: Jason is distant and seems unapproachable at first, but the truth is he just wants someone to talk to him first! He usually had friendships rejected when he was growing up, and someone asking him how he is can be enough to make him go from frown to friend in seconds!

Around friends, or in a heated battle, Jason is always fired up and rearing to go. He is usually the one that makes all the lame puns, his best worst being, "I can't BAYLEEF it's not butter!!" Nevertheless, Jay will do anything for his friends.

He likes the rain when it's warm, actually taking his hoodie off and dancing around if no-ones watching. He loves water (even if he hates swimming).

He will not go anywhere near a swimming pool or lake as he hates showing off his body, being very self conscious. It's one of the few times he will clam up. With the right person and an actual pair of swimming trunks he might one day.

When it's cold and snowing, Jay will always, ALWAYS, start a snowball fight. He also has a bad habit of building Snow-Runts everywhere.

When he gets lonely he will let out his Pokemon and lay with them at night, counting the stars. He always wonders if his dad is still somewhere out there. Jay is fascinated by stars, and will always look for the shapes of Dragon Pokemon.

History: Jay is native to the region, growing up in Tiensee Town on his mother’s “Dragon Farm”, where aspiring dragon tamers could receive an egg for free if it was their first Pokemon. However, they soon stopped doing this and instead breed dragons to release back into the wild. His family are a long line of dragon trainers, and every generation one of the eggs or Pokemon is passed into the care of the next generation.

Jason's mother was a great Kingdra trainer, and gave her son a Horsea. She was an amazing trainer, going as far to beat 3 of the Elite Four with a team of four Dragon Types. She then retired from battling and started the farm, where her Salamence, Kingdra, Flygon and Dragonite still live.

He received his scar when first learning to handle Pokemon as his brother's Bagon once accidentally bit him. The Bagon had gotten confused in battle, and instead of hurting itself, turned and used Bite on Jason. The attack nearly blinded him, and to this day his eye is still sensitive to bright lights.

Growing up his brother was usually kind to him. But after the Bagon incident, he left home, and no-one has heard from him since. Jason wants to go on this adventure in the hopes of one day running into him. Only the Bagon stayed behind, who his mother dutifully looks after. His mother said that he left a note, explaining he wanted to start fresh, as if he couldn't stop a Bagon from misbehaving and hurting someone he cared about, he wasn't ready to be a trainer.

His mother eventually convinced Jay to travel the region after 7 years of working with his mother on their “Dragon Farm” to meet new friends and Pokemon, and hopefully become a skilled trainer, maybe even greater than his mother. His Horsea whined for about two days straight, swimming to the bottom of a pond and refusing to leave. Eventually, with the prospect of possibly becoming a Kingdra one day, Horsea came out and rejoined his trainer.

Jason doesn’t remember his father, as he passed away when Jason was only two after a dangerous sky battle with a wild dragon Pokemon during a thunderstorm, with unnaturally black clouds. Everyone thinks Jason is crazy for thinking it, but as soon as his mother told him the story his mind drifted to a Dragon Pokemon he had heard of named Zekrom…

Now, Jason hunts for his brother, news of his father and any friends he can make as he aims for the Pokemon League!

Inventory

Dians: *dian* 1,000

Items:
Posted Image 5x Pokéball

Key Items:
Posted Image PokéDex
Posted Image Journal
Posted Image Holocaster
Trainer AdvancementAdvancement Points: 0

Pokemon

Total EXP Gained: 0

Pokemon
Posted Image
Horsea
Caught at Level 5


Nickname: Typhoon
Gender: Male
Type: Water
Ability: Swift Swim
Height: 1' 4"
Weight: 17.6 lbs
Health: Weak
EXP Rate: Medium Fast
EXP Gauge: (7/9)
EXP Gained: 0
Level: 5
Division: D8
Total Stats: 55
  • Attack: 10
  • Defense: 13 (25%)
  • Sp. Attack: 13 (25%)
  • Sp. Defense: 9
  • Speed: 10

Vitamins Used: None
Moveset:
1. Bubble
5. Smokescreen

Unique Moves:
-
-
-
-
Item:


PC Box: Stored Pokemon


Journal

Adventure Log
 
Adventure Log goes in here
Edited by RetroReapa, 22 Jun 2015, 12:42 PM.
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Posted Image Bones
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Nooope

Heya Retro! I know you're excited to begin, however I'd like to point out for you to review the following one more time:

  • Please review "Character Application Template" and scroll up. There are literally 2 wonderful examples at your disposal for you to check out on how to fill each and every category properly. This includes word count and especially the Pokedex section.
  • Please review "Common Application Mistsakes" to see what you may or may not be missing.
  • Please seek out "Accepted Characters" to see what other things we may look for in order to speed up the acceptance of your character.
If there are any further questions, please feel free to PM any of the staff members! Since I will allow you to review this application once more, I will consider this a WIP for 2 days since this post until it will be moved into "Incomplete Characters".

Once you have made any changes whatsoever, simply reply to your thread and we can check it as a whole. Thank you!
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Sonak Paetdee
Kian Conrad
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Posted Image RetroReapa
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Ok, the personality and history have been extended, and i've sorted Trapinch. I hope I've done everything but if i missed just say ^>^
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Posted Image Riffraff
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Hey Retro! Before I take a full look at your app, you're going to need to choose a starter from this list. Looking at your history, I can see Trapinch is involved somewhat, and sadly, this is not one of the starters that are available.

Reply to this once you've fixed it and I'll take a look at the rest! ^^
Edited by Riffraff, 21 Jun 2015, 12:48 PM.
Emilie 'Lili' Kaplan
Elijah Hershel

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Posted Image RetroReapa
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Alright now have Horsea and changed the bio to suit ^.^
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Posted Image Wremn
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Blerrraaaugh -fire-

Alrighty, Retro! Let's get down to work. Sorry to have left this profile waiting, but now it's time to buckle down. We want this chara to be epic, right? But first I'm going to have to be a little nitpicky.

First off, fix your Weight, ahaha I dont know what happened there.

As for Hair and Eyes please add more detail. Since you don't have a picture, how dark is dark brown? How long is his hair? How far does this fringe go down his face? How else would you describe his eyes? Their basic shape/shape of eyebrows and whatnot. Does he sometimes wear glasses? What kind of brown are his eyes?


The same goes for Clothing. The more detail that you can spare, then give it to us, especially since I see no picture. (Personally im a visual person, so help me out here ;u;) What you have is fine, but just add more details. What kind of jumper does he wear? Is it exceptionally fluffy or what? Which color is his favorite? Does he wear combat boots even in the summer? How about hats or extra coats for winter? Just a little more detail here.


Same goes for General Appearance and this pattern of need for detail will continue for the rest of his profile. ;)

I don't see a picture of him so here is where you go all out! What does Jason's handsome face look like? What kind of frame does he have? Solidly built, slightly toned, fair skinned, dark skinned? What are the characteristics that separate him from other people? How does he hold himself when he walks on his own? Describe the scar among with other facial details. Does his clothing fit his overall aura? I'm being brief with my questions cuz im on my phone, but don't feel restricted to answering what I give you!

You are free to look at other profiles to see what they elaborated on. Especially the moderator responses to their characters.



On to Personality! There are soooo many more aspects of Jay's perosnality we can explore! Yay! If it helps, in this paragraph, try describing Jay as youbwould describe your bestest friend or closest relatie to someone else.

Why does Jay look so cold and distant when he is alone? It is normal for one to exhibit various traits in different situations. So, is Jay more contemplative when he's alone? Is he normally a pessimistic person that requires a peer group to help align his perspective? What about Jay makes him comfortable in groups and not alone? Is he a warm, funny guy with great social skills? What about other people does he enjoy so much that he'd like to spend company with them? I like his quirky little likes and dislikes, but could you go further with them? What about Jay's body is he most self conscious about? Does he have ashy knees? (You never actually clarified xD) What else does Jay enjoy doing on his own and what does he like doing with others? How does he view pokemon, as playmates or companions? Etc.
I know you can do it! ^^



And now for History. Yes that's right. I have more questions in my arsenal. ^^

How was Jay's overall relationship with his family as he grew up? It not very plausible for a child to just leave home because of a simple accident such as that. Was Jay almost blinded by the bite? Why did the bagon get left behind? How did Kay soend his days on the dragon farm? What were his chores/favorite activities? Did he ever go to school? Did he have many friends at this point of his life? How did Jay's life change after his brother ran away (which should be made more plausible first). What was Jays relationship with his mother and why did she let him leave her to work on her own? What was the specific event that caused his father's death? Sky battle for what?
There are so many more questions to answer. I apologist for not being asked to supply more since I an working on my phone, but please don't hesitate to elaborate!


As for your Poke Profile, it's almost perfect! Woo. You simply need to delete the nickname section if you're not using it.



Alrighty, Retro! Sorry for the breifness, I currently have no laptop right now, so I hope I was thorough enough with my questions. But truly, believe me when I say that I adore all the thought you put into Jay already and if you bear with me, you'll get your approvals soon~

Make sure you respond here when you make your changes as you have excellently done so before. ^^
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Just a note, not nicknaming a pokemon is similar to getting a pet dog and calling it "Dog" or calling your cat "Cat." It would be seen as unorthodox and slightly inhumane by others. If this is a part of his personality, then feel free to include that, but include it with the full knowledge of its consequences.
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Seth Halley Thawyer • Astronomer • Total EXP Gained: 369 • Dians: *dian* 300 • Location: Serenity Lake

Pokemon


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Edited! I haven't added much to history cause im drawing a blank, but I've added more detail!
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Posted Image Wremn
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Blerrraaaugh -fire-

Sorry for not responding to this in so long, Retro! It was my fault for leaving you hanging. You're almost there with your edits! Yay!

First of all, amazing changes, all we need to do now is go a teensy bit deeper.


Starting off, you still need to give a little more for his General Apperance. How does Jay's face look? What makes it distinct, other than the scar? Describe his forehead, ears, chin, shoulders. This portion is for you to objectively describe Jay as much as you, as if you were telling an artist details on how to draw Jay. His Physical Description, in addition to how he looks when he is in a brighter mood.


Onto your Personality,

You did well in elaborating, but you could add an extra sentence to each of your paragraphs in regards to 'why' Jay is like this. Why is Jay so hesitant to approach others first? Is he unable to start up a conversation? Is he busy analyzing the other person first? What does he like to discuss with other people? What does Jason like to do for his friends? Is he action-oriented, or word-oriented? Is he loyal and have a few close friends, or does he just want a whole group to keep him company?

Does Jay dislike crowds? Is he a good dancer? Does he dance even when it's not raining? What are his hobbies?

What about his body makes Jay self-conscious? Does he just not like people staring at him? What is it?

You spelt Snorunt incorrectly.

What causes Jay to feel lonely? Does stargazing have any extra meaning to Jay? What else does he like to do that isn't situational?

You have started in a good direction with these traits, but just describe how they are important to Jay, not just that he does them. Why does he do them? Make a list of character traits that describe Jay, and attach those traits to the situations you described.



Now for the History.

You still haven't described Jay's upbringing. Did he go to school? How was life on the farm? Additionally, the bite nearly blinded Jay. How did the event affect Jay psychologically? Did it lessen his love for dragon-types? Did it maybe ruin his relationship with his brother? Why does Jay want to run after his brother? Did he ever apologize? You can't just stop there!

What did Jay learn to do on his farm? Can he read and write? What traits did Jay exhibit that caused his mom to force him to leave home? Did Jay have any other friends growing up? Relationships either make or break a person, and thus if he had been secluded his entire life, what makes you think that Jay would be willing to go off on an adventure? Why would his mom kick him out of the house like that, out of the business? How did Jay get his license to become a trainer? There are so many unanswered questions about Jay! Ask them and answer them! I believe in you. ^^



That's all I have to say for now. Make just as wonderful edits as you made before, and you'll have those approvals rolling in sooon!
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