~Mr. Johnapillar~ ~Bones~ ~DrakeX~ ~Finny~ ~Silent Partner~ Current In-Character Season:
Godai's strongest? Check out the Top 10 Leaderboard! Don't forget to Vote! --> <-- Vote!
Let's make this year a great one guys! ~Pokemon Godai Staff~ {{The Rules/Godai Resources}} {{Gen I PokeDex}} {{Gen II PokeDex}} {{Gen III PokeDex}} {{Gen IV PokeDex}} {{Gen V PokeDex}} {{Gen VI PokeDex}} {{Gen VII PokeDex}} {{EXP Table}} {{Pokemon Master List}} {{Godai's TM Catalog}} {{Godai IC Trivia (Special RP Dex)}} {{Questionable Moves/Abilities/Items}} {{Error/Problem Report}} {{Town Map}} |
- Pages:
- 1
- 2
| [A]Scorpio Faiara; [Accepted] | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: 21 Aug 2015, 07:23 AM (508 Views) | |||||
|
|
21 Aug 2015, 07:23 AM Post #1 | ||||
![]() ![]()
|
Trainer Profile Character Name: Scorpio Faiara Nickname:Score Gender: Male Age:18 Trainer Class:Ninja Boy Orientation: Gay Relationship Status:Single Height:5'11" Weight:189 lbs Hair Color & Style: Scorpio wears a light buttery blonde hair. He wears it in a long thick shoulder length side part to the right. The hair is semi straight but mostly wavy. On hot days he will tie it up into a man bun on the back of his head. Just a general look to go off of Eyes: Scorpio has thin almond eyes with dark hazel irises with flecks of light green. He has full eyelashes which sit atop his eye curved slightly. Clothing/Accessories: Scorpio has a show off mentality. His clothing style is chosen by the outfits that show off his body the most. He likes to be flashy with his body in his clothing. He is proud of his body , and loves to flaunt it. Scorpio's gym and contest outfit comes in three distinct color red,blue,and green. This outfit inspires him to do his best. The outfit was based off a design of what an ancient warrior once wore making him feel like he is a warrior on the battlefield during gym and contests. His normal outfit is a dark grey thin shirt and a pair of black jeans. The gray shirt brings out his eye color ,and hugs his muscled chest showing off his hard work. The black pants hug all his lower parts and butt just right. Showing off just enough while leaving an air of mystery. When it gets hot out Scorpio loses his shirt all together and dons a light jacket and blue jeans. To show off his muscles Scorpio wears a speedo confidently while swimming. Scorpio has a large travel backpack with a sleeping bag on top of it. The backpack is big enough to hold all his outfits and travel supplies ie. Food ,water, underwear etc. General Appearance: Scorpio has a confident looking face. He holds his head high , but not so high that he has his nose is turned up. His eyes seem to twinkle when hit at the right angle from the light. His face has a permanent smirk plastered on it. Scorpio walks with confidence, making sure to have perfect posture back straight. He keeps his shoulders back while taking wide steps. Scorpio rocks an hourglass shaped body. He has a large muscled chest and wide shoulders. His arms are a little bulky rounding out the top of his body. His waist is very small compared to the rest of him.He wears a size 38 in the waist. He has thick muscled thighs make his hips wide. Contest and Gym battle Outfit Normal Everyday Outfit Hot Summer Outfit Swimwear Winter wear Hometown:Durskim Town, West Godai Personality: Scorpio is a confident individual. He is not afraid to stare any one in the eye except when it comes to guys he thinks are cute. In just about just about any situation Scorpio goes in head first without fear. Then a cute guy shows up and all that confidence seem to go down the drain. He becomes clammy and nervous. Cute guys make Scorpio's legs turn to jello. He can barely move for fear he would trip and embarrass himself. His mind can only process the guys cute features as he looks at him. Leaving him unable to talk. He dons a continuous blush which does not diminish until said guy is out of his sight. Making friends with other human beings is not Scorpio's strong point. He can be causal with other people, but on an intimate personal level he just can not bring himself to let anyone in to see his personal self. He guards it because people have used it against him before. Gotten in close and used their friendship to make him hurt. Since he has never let anyone that close to him on the personal level. When Scorpio does let someone close to him it means that he truly trusts them with his life. Once you are his friend you are his friend for life. He will tell you anything about him as along as you ask. If you are not close to him he will simple ignore the question moving on to a different topic. If someone were to press the topic of him or his pass he might lose it telling them to mind their own business. When he gets angry like that the only way for him to calm down is to go somewhere quiet and meditate on his life to calm his nerves. Scorpio does not like being angry at anyone, because it opens up to many non-idealistic situations. Romance is something Scorpio has to work on. He closes up like a clamperl just being around cute guys. When he does get into a relationship he is to worried about doing the wrong thing to do anything. He usually follows the other guy lead. Pokemon on the other hand Scorpio can make friends with them easily. He feels he can relate to them on a different level most humans don't see. He knows what it is like to be used as a tool for someones ideals you don't always agree with. Scorpio sees pokemon as invaluable partners in life. He believes humans were meant to live side by side with pokemon. Making each other stronger through bond of friendship and trust. Scorpio practices parkour a fair amount. He is at intermediate level in the practice. It helps keep his body in shape. He loves to be very athletic. It helps him reduce stress, but he also likes to keep in shape to look attractive for everyone he sees. He wants to be desired by everyone around him. He wants to be one of those guys who is just pure eye candy. Scropio loves to debate important topics it helps him show his witty side. He is able to think of quick clever responses. He feel like his mind is his most important weapon in life. He must keep up with up to date information. Just like he loves flexing his body, he loves to flex his mind too. Scorpio loves to eat and has been known to work up a large appetite. His favorite foods are anything fried, rice balls, and Vanillish meat. He won't eat anything green as it reminds him of puke. He can be a very picky eater unless times are rough then he will stomach anything he can get into his mouth. Ever since he was younger Scorpio has favored dark types and psychic types. Dragons have been he least favorite type since his accident with one when he was younger. He fears poison pokemon ever since he lost a dear friend to one. Scorpio desires to be someone who will make a difference in this world he lives in for the better. He is not completely sure how to do this, but he figure a pokemon journey might help him see a place he can help. He knows this world is not a complete picture yet. History: Scorpio was born to a young couple who was not ready for a baby. So they put him up for adoption when he was born. They made it so he would never know their names even when he grew older. They had been young and stupid. They knew the system bounced kids around like crazy and that bad thing could happen , they simple did not care so long as the child was behind them. As a baby Scorpio was given to and older couple who raised him until he was three. They taught him how to ride his first bike, given it was a tricycle. They loved him as if he was their very own grandson. They taught him manners and to all ways help those in need. Mrs Conner was the one who taught him to take pride in the way he looked and to dress to impress. Scorpio thought he would stay with the Conners forever and only thought about his real family once or twice. That is until they gave him up because their daughter had finally given birth to their very first grandchild. They began spending a lot of time with their daughter and new grand child. Unintentionally they also began neglecting Scorpio and his well being. He began to think if that was the same reason his real parents got rid of him cause they got a new baby they loved more. Scorpio fell into a deep depression talking less and eating less causing him to fall ill. Feeling the Conners wouldn't be able to take care of Scorpio anymore the Government removed him from the home. He spent the next few years in therapy at a boys home for foster kids. The counselors their helped him to learn to open up to people about what he was feeling. He was doing well making friends and learning new things like parkour. He was 8 when his friend Kris introduced him to the concept and execution of parkour. Being at the boys home was good for Scorpio, they taught him about team work and how to work with others. It was also the first place he was able to interact with Pokemon. It was also where he witness his first real trainer battle. The directors of the Boys Home thought it would be a nice treat to see a real Pokemon trainer battle for the boys. They brought in two local trainer that were well known. The first was a guy named Frank who specialized in Fighting Type Pokemon. The other was a girl named Jessie who specialized in Grass Type Pokemon. The two went head to head in the court yard it was a three on three battle. The girl Jessie abused her Pokemon when they fail to dodge or complete a job like she wanted. Scorpio saw this a cruel. So did the boy Trainer having his Riolu take the girls poke balls and breaking them releasing them from her. From that moment Scorpio thought really hard about being a Pokemon trainer. He wanted to be able to stop people he knew were doing wrong. He did not wanna be a 5 O but something along the line of a renegade within the law like Frank for stopping Jessie from further abuse of her Pokemon. It was not to long after that that Scorpio let it slip to his friend Kris that he like other guys and not girls. It was not that he was not proud of who he was. He just had this creeping fear that no one would ever want him if they knew he was gay. Ever since the Conners Scorpio has been doing every thing he could to keep it a secret from everyone. He just felt so comfortable around Kris that it slipped out in their conversation. Scorpio made him promise not to tell anyone. Kris had no intention of keep that promise. Soon word got around the Home and every boy no longer wanted to be around Scorpio for fear he might turn them gay. Anger and fury raged inside Scorpio as he went to find the only culprit it could be Kris. He confronted the boy about tell the whole Home about him. Kris willingly admit he told every one that he was a faggot. At hearing that word leave Kris's mouth Scorpio lost it and began beat the snot out of the boy who he once called friend. It took several of the Staff member to get Scorpio off Kris. Scorpio had never been that angry before. He did not know what to do with all that raw emotion. The Home felt it was no longer safe for the other boys if Scorpio stayed , so they sent him to work on a Pokemon breeder farm in East Godai. The program was for troubled city boys and girls who needed a little hard work and a reality check. Scorpio still did not know how to deal with his anger from before and began acting out. He did not want to act out he just did not have and outlet for all that rage he was feeling about being outed. He felt every where he went that they all knew and were judging him for it. The only place he felt comfortable was when it was just him and the baby Pokemon. He knew they did not judge him. The Pokemon breeders daughter, Angel, saw this and made it her mission to help him out. Scorpio was having another melt down when she pulled him to the woods and sat in on a rock. She confronted him about why he was having these episodes. After hours of her nagging he finally broke down and told her the whole situation about what happened at the boys home. She comforted him while he cried then she taught him how to meditate on life and its many possibilities compared to his current problem. Then just meditate on happy thought. This practice helped him a lot. During his time at the program he and Angel got really close. He let her into his inner most self. He told her every thing he ever felt. He shared how he felt about his parents and the Conners. She was like the sister he never had(that he knows of). One day while the two were exploring the wood near the Program site. They ran into a horde of angry Whirlipede, poachers had disturbed their nest they would later learn. The two tried to out run them but were caught an attacked with their poison sting attack. Scorpio tried to take most of the attacks himself by covering Angel's body with his own. She still took a great deal of poison from the attack. He could feel the poison flowing through his veins. His breathing was becoming labored as he tried keep her covered. The assault soon stopped making Scorpio relax a little only to tense up when he look to see them preparing to douse them using Venoshock. He tried to tell her to run while he would take the attack so she could get away but she would not leave him. Just as they thought it was over they were about to die from this Venoshock attack. An Empoleon burst through the treeline sweeping up most the Whirlipede in a Whirlpool attack. It then used its Metal claw to get rid of the stragglers. Scorpio passed out once he knew they were safe he fell over off of Angel letting the poison take full affect. When he woke up he was in a hospital. The only thought on his mind was Angel he knew he took the brunt force of the attack but there were to many for him to take them all. When he asked about her no one would tell him how she was only that she was still in critical condition. What he did not know was that the poison was able to pass through her system a lot easier than his own and it was not looking good. Scorpio could no longer take not knowing and crept from his room to find her. What he found broke him all over again he had just found her room as the doctor was putting a sheet over her face. He could hear her mother crying hysterically and her father sobbing trying to comfort his wife. Tears swelled in his and he broke down right there in the hall not caring who saw or heard him. Still weak from the poison he passed out as the doctor came out to find out who was crying. This he woke up from his intense pain induced sleep feeling like it was all a dream. It was not a dream it was all to real. He finished his time at the Program trying to make the best of it without his best friend. He never stopped meditating like she taught him. It was his way of keeping her alive in his heart. Scorpio was bounced from foster home to foster home until he was 13 they placed him in to an orphanage. He was very shy at first but slowly he began to let people in. Scorpio mostly stuck by himself but did talk socially with several people. One day while he was practicing his parkour in the large back yard of the facility he bumped into a boy. Scorpio instantly regretted practicing so close to the house. He helped the boy up and the two began talking and the boy ,he found out was name Kane. Kane told him it was quite alright and that he was fine. This would later blossom in a friendship akin to Angel. Kane was a year older than him and acted like a big brother type teasing him and what not. Kane introduced his other friend Kayla to Scorpio and the two instantly hit it off. They were in the same grade and had many of the same class. They were close but not like he and Kane. He was well liked by everyone even the staff. Kayla and Kane both knew that Scorpio had a troubled past and never judge him for that. He gained some confidence in the human beings around him. He slowly but surely blossomed into this confident if a bit egotistical Scorpio. He seem to break the depression that held him still slightly down after Angel's death. Kane and Kayla helped with that a lot. The three began doing various activities together after school and homework were done. They would go to the park and watch Scorpio practice parkour. Kane tried once but fell flat on his butt and gave up. They all had a giggle about it , but Scorpio was always trying to get the two of them to try and learn it with him.When they were not at the park they were getting Ice cream or at the local breeders looking at Pokemon. They did not meet up some day cause of conflicting schedules but they always found a way afterwards. It was at the orphanage he met his first love a boy named Joadi. He was part of some gang but that only made Scorpio like him even more. Scorpio let Joadi know about his feelings for him and the two seem to hit it off like a 13 year old and 16 year old do. They would kiss in private and cuddle at night time. Joadi said he wanted to keep the relationship a secret from everyone. Scorpio was okay with that and went on as if they did not mean much to each other during the day besides friends. Scorpio, Kane, and Kayla all went to the same school and were taking the trainer classes. They would always study together even though Kane was older he did not mind because Kayla, and Scorpio were very smart for their age helped him with his homework too. Joadi did not go to school and seem to get into trouble a lot. Scorpio was too naive to care if Joadi went to school or not. His first was a purely physical love. That part was slowly starting to worry him. Scorpio would spend his day he was not in school helping at the local Pokemon center when he could not meet up with Kane or Kayla. He loved to see the many different trainer and their variety of Pokemon. It reminded him of the Program he had been in with Angel. Kane was the only one who knew what happened and why sometime he would sneak off to meditate and cry a little. Shared how he was not keen on letting people into his life because he was almost constantly losing them. Kane felt the same but his family had been taken from him by someone was all he would say. He was coming home one day when he was pulled into an alley he started to scream until he saw it was Joadi. They a heated make out session but Jodai tried to push it further and Scorpio made him stop. Joadi had wanted something Scorpio just was not ready to part with, his virginity. When Scorpio refused Joadi stomped off leaving Scorpio crying there in the alley. It was something he knew was coming he had begun to realize that their entire relationship was based off a physical want for one another. Scorpio did not want to do a such an intimate action with someone who did not care about his emotional well being. He meditated their in the alley for a long while. Then Scorpio made it to the orphanage late that night the director of the orphanage knew something was wrong with him but he would not open up about it. Scorpio was confused by the what went down in the alley. He closed himself off again from the world around him. He felt that it was his fault that he did something wrong. Maybe he lead Joadi on. Maybe he should have gone through with it. He was a mess of jumbled emotions thinking that no one would want him any longer , when he felt two hand wrap him in a hug. It was Kane. Kane whispered that it was going to be okay that none of it was his fault. That comfort warmed Scorpio all over. Only Kane got him to open up about what happened. Kane wanted to go beat Joadi up , but Scorpio was not having it. That night Kane stayed with him never leaving his side. Kane walked Scorpio to and from school that on day. Luckily the two did not run into Joadi. Slowly but surly over time Scorpio grew attached to Kane in other way then one. He could see how Kane care for him on more than one level of thought. Scorpio spent the next few years fawning over Kane but never telling him how he felt. He could not bring himself to tell him fearing something would go wrong and he would be ripped away from him. So he spent those year admiring Kane. Kane left the orphanage a year before Scorpio telling him that he was going to become a Pokemon trainer and that he was going to change the world. Scorpio decided to follow Kane's example and become a Pokemon trainer that would change the world. How he was going to change the world. He knew there had to be people out there that needed help like he did when he was younger. So he would help them to be better like Angel had help him be better.He wanted to help Pokemon who were losing their homes and being abused. He knew one of the best ways to do that was to become a ranger or a political activist. He would figure out which one by the end of his journey. He also hoped to find Kane along the way , by then he hope to have worked up the courage to express his feelings for him. Inventory Dians: 1,000Items: Key Items: PokéDexTrainer AdvancementAdvancement Points: 0 Tier 0: Pokemon Total EXP Gained: 0
PC Box: Stored Pokemon Journal
Edited by Scorpio, 28 Aug 2015, 08:38 AM.
|
||||
|
Scorpio Scorpio Faiara • Ninja Boy • Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: *dian*1,000 • Location: Durskim, East Godai SCORPIO’s Pokemon
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
21 Aug 2015, 02:41 PM Post #2 | ||||
![]()
Nooope
![]()
|
Whoot! This is a pretty good start to your first character here Scorpio! However, sadly there is just a bit too many things that need to be changed before we can review its entirety:
|
||||
![]() Sonak Paetdee Kian Conrad
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
21 Aug 2015, 02:55 PM Post #3 | ||||
![]() ![]()
|
I am also going to state this outright, not a bad concept, but it won't work with our setting. You can't affect the world so much by stating that your character is among the last of the Sokataran people who lives in the mountains as a pseudo indigenous tribe of warrior people, especially because in some respects it could be considered offensive. Godai is not a place for warrior characfters, that is not the type of genre we want to encourage writing, please adjust accordingly. Sorry to ask this of you. |
||||
![]() Seth Halley Thawyer • Astronomer • Total EXP Gained: 369 • Dians: 300 • Location: Serenity LakePokemon | |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
23 Aug 2015, 06:02 PM Post #4 | ||||
![]() ![]()
|
Okay Revamped i think i did ok. |
||||
|
Scorpio Scorpio Faiara • Ninja Boy • Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: *dian*1,000 • Location: Durskim, East Godai SCORPIO’s Pokemon
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
24 Aug 2015, 12:45 AM Post #5 | ||||
![]()
Nooope
![]()
|
Alrighty Scorpio! You definitely did do okay and the majority has been filled, yay! Let’s get on with the show then - First off, I would like to allow you to take a moment to check out ”Accepted Characters” to compare your character with others to see what we look for and what we tend to ask members to elaborate. This being the first few categories: For his his ”Height”, please put it in proper format being a quotation after “10”. Then, for his ”Weight” please label with with “lbs” which stands for pounds! For his ”Hair [...]” I would ask you to be realistic as this is the major setting in Godai. I say this because having “white spiked back” is not a normal hair colour nor is it a style. Unless he has some sort of condition that allows him to have white hair I will ask you to do some extensive research. However there are dyes out there in the world! Wink wink! ♥ Not only that but elaborate on its length. Does he have bangs that go off to a particular side? Does he ever style it? Does it have any significant meaning? So on and so forth. Again you may look at other accepted characters for this. The same is said for his ”Eyes”. Elaborate on its size and shape. What does “deep brown” even mean? Are you talking about the iris, cornea or does it take up his entire eyeball? Does it have flecks here and there? What about complimentary eyebrows? Are they oval in shape or round? Different sizes? So on and so forth. Then, for ”General Appearance” you still must fill out a paragraph or two describing any other miscellaneous attributes he may or may not have. Such as the way he walks, the way he talks, or perhaps any other first impressions. Again you may check out ”Accepted Characters” or heavily review the ”Character Application Template” once more. For his ”Clothing [...]” is that all? No other accessories? If he’s traveling, would he not don a backpack of some sort? What about during bedtime or perhaps during hot weather? Does he ever take off a part of his clothes? Any other accessories that he can hold close to him? So on and so forth. We’ll stop here and review the rest of your Application another day. Again I would heavily suggest you review the following before submitting. This will allow you to RP much quicker and have your character accepted in no time!:
Good luck! Once any edits have been made, simply post a reply and we’ll get back to you ASAP! ♥ |
||||
![]() Sonak Paetdee Kian Conrad
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
24 Aug 2015, 05:06 PM Post #6 | ||||
![]() ![]()
|
okay That is done an some other things |
||||
|
Scorpio Scorpio Faiara • Ninja Boy • Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: *dian*1,000 • Location: Durskim, East Godai SCORPIO’s Pokemon
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
24 Aug 2015, 08:54 PM Post #7 | ||||
![]()
Nooope
![]()
|
Alrighty Scorpio - let’s go again! These are some pretty decent edits! Good! But first, as a reminder, please write everything in a professional and ‘complete sentence’ format. This being expand on your sentences when having examples. Do they hold any significance? Why or why not? For his ”Clothing [...]” this is pretty good but let’s add maybe one or two more sentences - I know you can do it - about if he has a certain style or if there’s a reason he prefers those clothing and so on? For his ”General Appearance” think much more critically. What does it mean when he is “walking with sass”? Is he swaying his hips to the side? Is there a mild hop/skip per step? What does it mean when someone walks with confidence? Chin high, shoulder straight, strides long? Etcetc. However, most importantly, what does it mean when he has a “very masculine body but a feminine shape”? That sounds rather contradictory, however I’m sure you can explain what that means in this setting. I ask this because for a 18 year old who is 5’11” and weighs 189lb, he must have a rather large /large/ build, seeing how he hasn’t reached his full appearances. If that is the case, perhaps look through some Google images to help better visualize how this would look like? Then, let’s heavily zoom into his ”Personality” and ”History” - Starting with his ”Personality” review this one more time and constantly ask yourself “why” and “how”. Why doesn’t he like doing things by the book? How are his methods unorthodox? What does he do? There are just soooooo many variations of ‘unorthodox’ wherever you go! How is Scorpio witty and resourceful? What does he do and how does his mind click to make mundane objects work to his advantage? Why why why? So on and so forth. What is the definition of a “sneak” thief? Remember to center Scorpio in terms of a “realistic person”! This sounds like he’s a kleptomaniac. Why does he do this in his spare time? Has he ever been caught? Does he do it for the thrill? Perhaps researching kleptomania will aid in more discoveries! Why does he steal without remorse? Why does he choose to surround himself with adrenaline junkies? I don’t quite understand the last sentence within that paragraph. Basically delve into the psychological process of Scorpio’s mind. Why does he do the things he does? How does he feel as he does them? I virtually still have no idea who he is as a person - I know what he likes to do and how he feels in a specific setting but nothing else. What are his morals? Beliefs? How does he view himself? Pokemon kind or even mankind? Not only that but what about his strengths and weaknesses - and how do they affect him on a cognitive level? So many questions! For the bullet points below it - please put that in proper paragraph form with everything else I’ve said before it as well. We’ll stop here for now and continue the rest another day! You’re doing great so far - but we must hold everyone to the same standards. Little by little we’ll complete this together. You know the drill once anything has been changed. You got this! ♥ |
||||
![]() Sonak Paetdee Kian Conrad
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
25 Aug 2015, 04:10 PM Post #8 | ||||
![]() ![]()
|
Okay ready for the next part.
|
||||
|
Scorpio Scorpio Faiara • Ninja Boy • Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: *dian*1,000 • Location: Durskim, East Godai SCORPIO’s Pokemon
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
26 Aug 2015, 12:37 AM Post #9 | ||||
![]()
Nooope
![]()
|
Alright Scorpio!! Great job so far! Let’s officially zoom into his ”Personality” - Although I love love /love/ how much amazing effort put into Scorpio’s Personality especially Parkour! However, I’m still only getting pieces of information about what he does instead of who he actually is. Notice how there are larger chunks of paragraphs when you describe what he likes to do instead of who he is. Again, constantly ask ‘why’ and ‘how’. Again, why do “cute” or attractive guys render him rather moot? What is the psychological process that goes behind his mind that allows for this? You repeat it lots and lots of time but I still don’t see the significance behind this unless you are tying it with something, but I feel the way it’s written makes it to be something else. For example my limbs tend to go rigid when I see an attractive person and suddenly I become incredibly self conscious about the things I do and say. What about Scorpio? Apply this to the rest of the paragraphs. In addition to that, how is he shy and awkward, and yet hangs out with people who are adrenaline junkies? What exactly do /they/ do that is different than normal people? I feel this is rather contradictory. What exactly are his “deeds”? Judging him for his “deeds” are not synonymous with what he does as a hobbies compared to his way of thinking. Remember that a ”Personality” is to describe how Scorpio is as a person and not literally what he does. What does he think on a mental basis that shapes his actions? How does ‘what he thinks’ shape him for who he is? The idea of him stealing still does not make sense to me. Are you saying he now has a habit of stealing just for giggles “in case he becomes poor again”? It sounds like a psychological indentation now and I want you to heavily expand on this a lot more as it seems his entire life - as you said - was based on this. Again why? How does he feel as he does this? Why no remorse if now he is aware of not being poor anymore - especially the fact that he knows what to do with himself now? If he fights back, then based on realistic events would he not be incarcerated since the beginning? There are laws and no one is immune to them in Godai. The entirety of the “stealing” part is very confusing and sadly I have to ask that you tone it down as the Police in Godai are very competent. I’m not saying it’s a down right no, but based on what is written, there has to be quite a bit of rewording. Also, in Godai we have a Religion section within ”IC Trivia” and thus the ‘god and goddess of Darkrai and Cresslia does not exist in this world. Please change it accordingly. Though I love the addition of Parkour, I felt it was rather put in there willy nilly as well as the explanation. What is the significance of this based on Scorpio’s ”Personality”? I do an awful lot of Parkour and Muay Thai myself and it assists in my habitual instincts of reflexes; it has absolutely nothing to do with my mental capabilities or my “wit”. This helps his body and not necessarily his mind; however with the proper wording it might just pass! Try again! Regardless of the addition of details - to reiterate - I only know of what he likes to do but nothing of what makes Scorpio who he is. Still, what are his strengths and weaknesses? He can apparently do all these good things but has one minor weakness which is not making friends - that’s cool, but then what is his coping mechanism then? Based on the two sides of Scorpio and if he struggles then why does it not affect his desire to steal? What are his morals? What is his outlook on life? How does he view humans or Pokemon in general? What about forming relationships with those close to him? Does he push others away? So on and so forth. Don’t be afraid to think deeper! Ponder this category just a bit more; you’re very close to completing this section. Just remember that we only ask you do think harder in order to make Scorpio a much more wholesome and realistic question. We’ll stop here and then once you’ve gotten this (which I feel you will have no problem!) we can move on to the rest! However, while waiting, on Scorpio’s ”History”, if you look back on the ”Character Application Template” examples you will see that we do NOT allow dialogue in that section. Good luck and you know the drill once anything has been changed. ♥ |
||||
![]() Sonak Paetdee Kian Conrad
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
26 Aug 2015, 04:47 PM Post #10 | ||||
![]() ![]()
|
Okay done sensei | ||||
|
Scorpio Scorpio Faiara • Ninja Boy • Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: *dian*1,000 • Location: Durskim, East Godai SCORPIO’s Pokemon
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
27 Aug 2015, 01:00 AM Post #11 | ||||
![]()
Nooope
![]()
|
Wo-ow~! Great edits Scorpio, I am very impressed! We’re good for the ”Personality”. I knew you could do it! Let’s move onto the ”History” - For Scorpio’s ”History” although quite adorable and slightly heartbreaking, I want you to do nearly the same thing you did to his ”Personality”. Explain the emotion process throughout the boy’s timeline from day one until his current age. Remember that his History should compliment his Personality. What I mean by this is that see all those traits you wrote up there? Yeah, well: how did Scorpio obtain those wonderful assets over a period of time? What other obstacles, experiences, and events shaped him to be who you describe him to be? Things other than his break up and the betrayal from his ex-boyfriend. I’m pretty sure you get the gist of what I’m saying but I’ll guide you through more of the less obvious ones I’m looking towards. For instance, he’s an orphan - this is a rather significant part of his life. As a child he is a blank slate and the amount of things (such as his mind, body, and views) change over time from childhood to adolescence. You’ve blown through it, so I want you to elaborate heavily of what things he did that allowed him to continue where he is now. How did he feel throughout these? What views were changed and shaped or warped as time went on? Did ever feel anything towards being abandoned? Did he ever go through those phase that the majority of orphans go through of being “unwanted”? If so, how did he cope? Why or why not? If he didn’t cope, then what does it all mean to him? What else did he see or experience? What about school? What about friends? What about relationships to the supervisors or other caretakers in those orphanages? Did he ever develop a platonic or non platonic relationship with anyone or anything? What about his foster siblings or parents? How did he feel as he constantly jumped? So on and so forth - you get what I mean. How did he become knowledgeable? How did he know when to become humble or when not to be humble? Did he ever make mistakes? Did he ever regret anything? Oh the amount of questions are endless! Remember that this is a large summary of what happened to Scorpio from birth to his current age; you are to focus not on one thing but the entirety of what makes Scorpio - Scorpio. Most importantly it feels you put quite a bit of emphasis on “change the world”. What does that mean to Scorpio? How would one change the world? You and I all know changing the world = endless possibilities. For example I want to change a part of my own world by being a doctor while my friend wants to change the way in which others view animals by becoming a veterinarian. In Scorpio’s terms, how is being a Pokemon Trainer equivalent to changing the world? And of course even /more/ importantly is how did he ever develop that mindset since it sounded like it came out of no where? You’re almost there Scorpio! The ”History” is the last ‘major’ part of your application and you’re doing wonderfully! You know the drill once anything has been changed. If you have any questions my inbox is always open. ♥ |
||||
![]() Sonak Paetdee Kian Conrad
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
27 Aug 2015, 10:43 AM Post #12 | ||||
![]() ![]()
|
Ok I think I got this time maybe....*crosses fingers*
|
||||
|
Scorpio Scorpio Faiara • Ninja Boy • Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: *dian*1,000 • Location: Durskim, East Godai SCORPIO’s Pokemon
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
28 Aug 2015, 01:07 AM Post #13 | ||||
![]()
Nooope
![]()
|
Oh my goodness I love the additions! Interestingly accurate and I’m pretty okay with this! Keep in mind that if you ever make a second character, summarize the things that happened such as the Whirlpede attack. I love the detail and all but it starts to almost become an RP post. Regardless, absolutely fantastic job Scorpio! There’s just a bit more on his ”History” I’d like you to think about on this and don’t worry it’s not hard at all - The part where he wanted to become a Pokemon Trainer? Although I understand the scene that was unfolded in front of his eyes, how did Scorpio feel? What specifically was about that match that wanted him to become a Trainer? Was it the adrenaline that rushed up when he thought one of them would be victorious? Was it the fact that something like that allowed him to make his own decisions - to control the battlefield in which was not his own? So on and so forth. The mention of Kayla, and especially Kane is rather abrupt. Who exactly were they? Where did they come from? How did they meet? How did those two change him on a mental basis? Lastly, after that attack on the alley, how did it change Scorpio on a psychological level? What are the signs that happen when someone is attacked no matter what kind of way? Something like that is sure to scar a teen - emotionally - so how did he cope for himself? How did he see his life after that? So on and so forth. Oh, and one more thing. I’m still not quite understanding what it means for Scorpio when he wants to change the world. Do you mean he wants to technically become a ranger due to the attack on Angel and him? You are soooo close! Now we can finally look at that ”Pokedex”! Because they’re such easy edits, I’ll go ahead and list them here:
|
||||
![]() Sonak Paetdee Kian Conrad
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
28 Aug 2015, 08:11 AM Post #14 | ||||
![]() ![]()
|
Okay Done |
||||
|
Scorpio Scorpio Faiara • Ninja Boy • Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: *dian*1,000 • Location: Durskim, East Godai SCORPIO’s Pokemon
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
|
|
28 Aug 2015, 08:40 AM Post #15 | ||||
![]()
Nooope
![]()
|
Yeeee~! I'm very okay with this! See? Great job. That said - 1/2 Approval on my end! ♥ |
||||
![]() Sonak Paetdee Kian Conrad
| |||||
![]() |
|
||||
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |||||
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Accepted Characters · Next Topic » |
- Pages:
- 1
- 2
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
12:27 AM Jul 11
|
|
Vote for us every day by clicking the banner above!








.jpg)




1,000
PokéDex






























12:27 AM Jul 11












![HEART[❤]SIGH](http://heartsighrp.b1.jcink.com/uploads/heartsighrp/aff.png)









