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| [A]Kyfuji Kang; [Accepted] | |||||
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| Tweet Topic Started: 24 Jul 2013, 11:57 AM (461 Views) | |||||
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24 Jul 2013, 11:57 AM Post #1 | ||||
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Trainer Profile Character Name: Kyfuji Kang Nickname: N/A Gender: Male Age: 15 Trainer Class: Trainer Height: 5'5 Weight: 140 pounds Hair Color & Style: His hair is brown and spiked to one side(like kakashi's from naruto). Eyes: His eyes are a deep blue with gold sparkles. He has thin eyebrows, and big eyes. Clothing/Accessories: He wears a red jacket, that has a hood and four bulky pockets on the breast and on the ribs, over blue jeans, and red high-top sneakers that have black stripes and short white laces. He wears his pokeball belt loosely over his waist. He wears one blue fingerless glove on his left hand. He wears a blue backpack, on his back, that has one big pocket and one small pocket.. General Appearance: Kyfuji is in between skinny and fat. He has medium lips, mouth, nose, and eye size. He has normal sized ears. His teeth are very white and clean. He has smooth tan skin, that is clean and has no bumps. He usually has a cheerful face with his eyes opened, but when mad or challenged he closes his eyes a little more and tightens his face around his mouth. He always keeps his posture straight and gives off the jolly look. He looks happy most of the time and his eyes make people feel warm and welcomed. When people see him they usually think that he's a 'good boy' or something along those lines. Hometown: Oraclair Town Personality: He is very outgoing and kind. Although, he is very competitive and hates losing. Most of the finds joy in being with a lot of people and pokemon, making him very sociable and friendly, and makes him love making new rivals and friends. He is sarcastic and funny, and likes having fun. Kyfuji likes to talk a lot and building bonds with other people. Sometimes is respectful towards his elders, when he actually respects them. He is a hard worker, and hates giving up, and is determined and very strong willed. He hates being talked down on like he is weak or not equal to equal. He is good with his words, making him have a lot of charisma. He hates people who think they are stronger than everyone else, and most likely challenge them to a battle, if it's worth it. History: He was born into a decent family and was treated decent. When he was little, he would always argue with his older brother and state that he would be a better trainer one day. He and his brother had a rivalry like no other. Everything was a competition between them. After his brother became a trainer Kyfuji was mad and would wait until he was a trainer so he could beat him in a battle. Soon after his brother left to become a trainer, he became old enough to become a trainer, but his mom wanted him to finish his studies and then go on his adventure. He always excelled in school and made sure to keep his grades up and pass all his tests. He always liked hanging out with girls during school hours and sometimes brought them over when his parents were gone. Kyfuji would going on daily walks during the early hours, before school and before anyone would wake up. The reason why he worked out in the morning, because it woke him up for the day and night, and ready for school. He kept his body in good shape so if he met a girl he liked he could most likely get their number. Kyfuji only stayed in school because his mom wasn't too fond of him wanting to become a trainer and wanted him to be able to have a back up plan for his occupation. As his schooling was nearing it's end, he was ready to graduate. On the last day of school he passed his test with, flying colors an then graduated, his mom was proud and let him become a trainer. When he finished his studies he received his first pokemon from a professor and 5 pokeballs, and a couple other important things. After a few days at home, getting to know each other, he befriended his pokemon, and set out for his journey. Inventory Dians: 400Items: Key Items: PokéDexAdvancement Points: (0/30) - Tier 0 Pokemon Total EXP Gained: 0
PC Box: Stored Pokemon Journal
Edited by Iggy, 3 Aug 2013, 09:02 AM.
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Kyfuji Kang • Pokemon Trainer • Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: 1000 • Location: Seldia Town My Pokemon
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24 Jul 2013, 09:49 PM Post #2 | ||||
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finished | ||||
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Kyfuji Kang • Pokemon Trainer • Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: 1000 • Location: Seldia Town My Pokemon
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24 Jul 2013, 10:26 PM Post #3 | ||||
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Alright, it's nice to see you here and for you to have your character up, but there's a bit of work you need to do. First and foremost, you need to pay attention to your syntax. About 90% of all your sentences are structured as "Subject, Predicate, Direct Object" "He Did this, He did that, He Did X, He did Y, He Likes this, He hates that" Quite frankly it's exhausting to read. Think more about what you write and try to restate your history in more of a summary and less of a list. It would also be nice if you could give more about Kyfuji's demeanor or outward appearance in his General Appearance. And you messed up a bit in the pokemon section too. For Speed all you need to put is 18 (32%). You also need to put something in Attack, you can't just leave it blank. Also, currently your stats add up to 60 so you need to remove 5 points overall (not from speed). Your moveset it also messed up, check the pokedex, Poliwag learns Water sport and Bubble. And they're numbered based on the level they're learned. Look at any of the other accepted profiles for examples. Otherwise very good work. |
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![]() Seth Halley Thawyer • Astronomer • Total EXP Gained: 369 • Dians: 300 • Location: Serenity LakePokemon | |||||
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25 Jul 2013, 08:09 AM Post #4 | ||||
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edited | ||||
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Kyfuji Kang • Pokemon Trainer • Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: 1000 • Location: Seldia Town My Pokemon
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25 Jul 2013, 04:59 PM Post #5 | ||||
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The Lord of the Cookies and Other Ill-Mentioned Things
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Alright, this is much better. However, it still needs a slight bit of work. The Personality still seems a bit too much like a list, though it's not too terribly bad, and your history is fine. Revision isn't absolutely necessary, but it'd be good to look over it again and try to make it a bit more interesting to read. The only major problem here is that your stats are still incorrect, though on the other end of the spectrum. Firstly, 32% of 55 would be 17, not 18, because it is to be rounded down. Also, your current stats only add up to 47, which means, after subtracting the extra one from Speed, you have 9 more points to assign to your other four stats. Just fix that, and you'll be golden~ |
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Alexander Caeruleus Laurenia Rosa Varaeine Teh Triforce!
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25 Jul 2013, 06:10 PM Post #6 | ||||
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edited | ||||
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Kyfuji Kang • Pokemon Trainer • Total EXP Gained: 0 • Dians: 1000 • Location: Seldia Town My Pokemon
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25 Jul 2013, 07:07 PM Post #7 | ||||
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The Lord of the Cookies and Other Ill-Mentioned Things
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Excellent, thank you~ Have fun out there. ^^ Approval 1/2 |
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Alexander Caeruleus Laurenia Rosa Varaeine Teh Triforce!
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26 Jul 2013, 02:25 PM Post #8 | ||||
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Your character application has now been accepted! Please make sure to create a signature of your character. Once that is done, you are now free to RP! If you made a personal mistake with your character, please submit a modification process involving a revamp. This topic is now closed without further ado. |
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![]() Seth Halley Thawyer • Astronomer • Total EXP Gained: 369 • Dians: 300 • Location: Serenity LakePokemon | |||||
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