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More Jokes
Topic Started: Feb 16 2008, 11:12 PM (268 Views)
old dog
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Larry gets home late one night and, Becky, his wife says, 'Where in
The hell have you been?'

Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.'

'A tattoo?' she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?'

'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,' he said proudly.

'What the hell were you thinking?' she said, shaking her head in disgust.

'Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed
On his privates?'

'Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.

Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.

Three, I like how money feels in my hand.

And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right
here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.'

Larry is now recovering in room 233 at the local hospital
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MarkP
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A dog is truly a man's best friend.

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
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c.ha.c.ha
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NICE ONE MARK I WILL HAVE TO TRY THAT ONE :lol:
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MarkP
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"Doctor, Doctor, how did my operation go?"

"Not so good, mate. I'm Saint Peter."

------------------------

To do my bit for charity, I'm running a stall at the church fair.

I've tied an African to a post and I'm selling stones at 50p each.

It's my brick-a-black stall.

------------------------

My wife said she was bored this morning so I said "Fancy going to the coast and having a swim?"

She said "It's fecking minus 2 out there - I'll freeze to death or drown!"

I said "Fancy going to the coast and having a swim?"

--------------------------

Little Johnny is in class, and the teacher is asking the children what their parents do for a living. She asks a non-too-bright pupil what his father does, and he answers "he's a sheet metal worker."
The teacher says "OK, can you spell that for me?"
"S-H-E-T..."
"No, that's not quite right, try again."
"S-H-I..."
"No, sorry, that's not it either. Go round the back of the blackboard and write it out with this chalk until it looks right."
The kid takes the chalk and dutifully walks around the blackboard and starts writing. The teacher says, "Right, Johnny, what does your father do for a living?"
Johnny says, "he's a bookie."
"You mean a bookmaker. Can you spell that for me?"
"No, but I'll give you two to one he writes sh*t on that blackboard"

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Maddie McCann.

Carlsberg don't do child abduction, but if they did...

-------------------------

If women are so perfect at multitasking

How come they cannot have a Headache and Sex at the same time ?

-------------------------

My Uncle was jailed for his beliefs..

He believed you could wank on the bus.

-------------------------

Saw my mate outside the Doctors today looking really worried,
"What's the matter?" I asked.
"I've got the big C."he said.
"What cancer?"
"No, Dyslexia."
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