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Jonathan "Rook" Rooks
Topic Started: Apr 4 2013, 09:24 PM (134 Views)
Firedog
Citizen
[ *  * ]
Name: Jonathan “Rook” Rooks
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Faction: Rebel

Appearance: Rook stands at a height of six feet three inches and weighs 160 pounds. His hair is a solid black and is very long coming down to his shoulders. His eyes are brown, but Rook wears white colored contacts so that they appear to be clouded over. There is a scar beneath his left eye which reaches from the bottom of the eye to the bottom of his jaw touching the left side of his mouth on the way down.

He wears a trench coat inscribed with random symbols all around in patterns of swirls and flames. Underneath he wears a long sleeved white shirt and dark colored dress pants. Overtop his shirt is a pentacle. He also wears black leather combat boots.

Biography: Rook was born to parents Daniel and Marie Rooks in Brockton. His father was a librarian and his mother was the owner of a small occult store. Throughout most of his childhood Rook was taught about the occult and although he believed that it was a bunch of lies it still greatly interested him. With his father being a librarian he spent a lot of time in the library after schools where he would read books about the occult.

In school Rook received straight A’s in all of his subjects. Most of the time he was the weird kid because he was so attached to learning more about the occult. The main thing he focused on early into his studies was alchemy and the Wicca religion. Alchemy was the most interesting to him when he was able to find the roots of chemistry and medicine. What he found most interesting in Wicca was the magic.

He also had a strong sense of justice and would protect others should they ever get bullied. His sense of justice came about from his study of Wiccan magic. Common spells that would be used were those for healing, protection, fertility, and to banish negative influences. Even though he didn’t believe in the magic Rook felt that what they tried using it for was a good and noble purpose. He got a few loyal friends this way who would stay with him even with his lack of sociability.

After high school Rook went off to the University of Massachusetts and studied esotericism. What he majored in was Literature, but he would take all the electives he could to study what he loved. Rook graduated Summa Cum Laude. Even with his outstanding academic record Rook decided to return to Brockton and take over his mother’s occult shop because it was what he loved.

When the water became contaminated Rook ingested a large amount. It gave him the great power of control over flame, but it also messed with his mind. It caused him to develop schizophrenia. Although he once believed that the occult was a bunch of lies he started believing. He believed that the voices he heard were the whispers of the divines. He began thinking that he was a wizard.

The first thing that Rook did was start referring to himself as Rook; he felt it was a better name for a wizard than Jonathan. After that he burned a scar into his face and put in colored contacts to give him a more Arcane look. He also inscribed his trench coat with runes and sigils that he had learned while studying esotericism.

Another thing he did was create a tome of spells. He grabbed a blank book and began writing random sigils inside. At the start he only had two “spells” inside which was bringing flames to the tips of his fingers and a weak fireball. Rook claimed that he discovered the “tome” and that it was meant for him. He claimed that he didn’t write the spells in it and that it was connected to him spiritually. Occasionally he will blackout long enough for him to write more sigils inside. When this happened he would say that a new spell appeared because his spirit grew stronger and that he gained more mana.

His sense of justice was greatened with his schizophrenia and he believed that the military was in the wrong with quarantining the town. Because of this he joined the Rebels so that he could free the citizens and help them. Many were reluctant to let a schizophrenic join in at all out of fear of what he might do, but he was rather in control of himself. His only true troubles were his delusions of him being a wizard. He doesn’t harm anyone unless in an act of justice. He is looked over heavily by other members to make sure he doesn’t do anything horrible.

Power: Rook has control over the element of fire, although there are severe limitations on how he can use it. The contaminated water also gave him mental delusions. He believes that he is a wizard and cannot use his magic power of flames without his tome of spells. He also believes that he cannot handle firearms and whenever he holds one he releases a massive amount of heat subconsciously which forces the gunpowder to explode. Another weakness of his is that he believes that certain materials restrict his powers and that pure gold drains his mana. Since gold actually does no such thing, as long as Rook is in the presence of something he believes to be pure gold he will be unable to use his powers.

For a minor fireball he is able to create a sphere of fire with a diameter of six inches and it can reach a length of two meters away without diminishing in size. It can reach a length of five meters though it will be an inch in diameter at the five meter mark. His greatest fireball can be a foot in diameter although it diminishes faster and has the same length restriction as his minor fireball. His flames are generally at a temperature of 800 degrees Celsius. With great effort, however, Rook can make his flames reach temperatures of 2000 degrees Celsius. He is unable to raise the temperature of his greatest fireball as the effort alone required to make it exerts great amounts of his “mana” and will cause him to pass out. Rook is only able to maintain his hottest temperature of his fire for four seconds without risk and any longer and he has the risk of passing out with it being a certainty at twelve seconds.

Starting belongings: He has his tome of spells and a unique staff with a green colored crystal at the top.
Edited by Firedog, Apr 8 2013, 05:05 AM.
Jonathan "Rook" Rooks
Faction: Rebel
Power: Pyromancy
Items: "Tome of Spells" and a Unique Staff with a Green Crystal
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MK Kilmarnock
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I am your god now! There's sand on my boots!
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Okay. On one hand, I find Jonathan's self-styled image and his neuroses to be absolutely hilarious. There's a clear attempt to make him seem cool, but it's him doing it in character because he thinks he's a wizard or... something. Alright, I can deal with that. This isn't SotF, I'm trying to relax things a bit.

I was actually going to call out on the water causing schizophrenia, but I do know schizophrenia could develop as a result of chemical inbalances introduced by poisoning (mercury poisoning, for instance), and we're dealing with some mystery chemical in the water that gives you superpowers. Okay, so we have some room to work. So, instead, some smaller things.

Give the whole bio a whole proofread for grammar and punctuation. Things to watch for in particular are commas where commas don't belong, and places were a comma should be.

How did 'Rook' administer the scar that runs from his eye to his lip? Knife? Burn?

Why does he have a strong sense of justice even before the schizophrenia?

The occult (which should not always be capitalized as you have here) is a very, VERY broad subject, so I'd like to know a little more on what sort of things Jon learned when he was younger, and how it has affected him.

Concerning his power, I love the mental drawbacks (as long as he doesn't suddenly overcome them). However, I would like to know more about the upper end of his pyrokinesis. Powers in Riverside are generally weak and Rook has one of the more directly offensive powers, so I want to take care to ensure what it's capable of.

Also, I'm writing this critique at 3:38 AM, so hopefully I'm coherent. Apologies if I'm not. Just make those edits and we'll take another look.
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Firedog
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Alright, I edited it with what I believe is what you asked for. I understand that with the power it might need a bit more work with the limits as I was unsure what would be good, and if that is what I need to edit again I think it would be best for us to discuss what would be appropriate. Thanks for the critique.
Jonathan "Rook" Rooks
Faction: Rebel
Power: Pyromancy
Items: "Tome of Spells" and a Unique Staff with a Green Crystal
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MK Kilmarnock
Member Avatar
I am your god now! There's sand on my boots!
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
The only thing I still have a bit of issue with is his convictions coming from the occult when he has no faith in it, but that's really just a discussion at this point rather than requested edits.

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