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Prove you're not a zombie
Topic Started: Feb 15 2013, 03:45 AM (286 Views)

You've been picked up by the Zombie Patrol! You need to prove you're not a zombie or they'll shoot you in the head. So prove it.
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Sorry for the self-reply - separating my proof from the problem statement.

I have a picture on my cell phone of me purchasing pizza. This is proof positive that I'm not a zombie.

A.) While it may not be the only thing they eat, zombies are known to have a strong fondness for brains.
B.) Pizza places are in business to make money
C.) No pizza place offers brains as a pizza topping.
D.) I have proof that I purchase pizza.

Assume the following premise: "Zombies do purchase pizza."
1.) By premise and A, if zombies were capable of ordering pizza, when asked what toppings they wanted, at least some of the time the zombies would have requested "Brains."
2.) By 1 and B, if there were customer demand for pizza with brains, at least some pizza places would have decided to serve this market demand by offering pizza with brains.
3.) 2 and C are a logical contradiction - if the premise were true, there would exist pizza places that offer brains as a topping. But this is not observed.
4.) Therefore, the premise must be false, and therefore we know zombies do NOT purchase pizza.
5.) By 4 and D, it must be the case that I am not a zombie.
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Sound logic... for a zombie spy!

Romero-style zombies have been shown to learn over time... so clearly you learned how to dial a cellphone and order food in order to trick us.

However zombies never cluck like a chicken, any style of them. Probably due to degraded vocal cords. Therefore, I will now cluck like a chicken to prove I am not a zombie!

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An admirable effort indeed! However, it is a well-known fact that zombies have no need for internal organs (being powered by magic.) So, how are we to know that you have not simply hollowed out your chest cavity and concealed a chicken inside? I find this all highly suspicious.

Now, it also a well-known fact that zombies lack fine motor control, and an appreciation for quality entertainment. I will thus demonstrate both, with a splendidly executed Vulcan Salute. Clearly, a zombie could not manage such a difficult gesture, and would most likely identify more strongly with the Borg that the Vulcans. Ergo, I am not a zombie.
Edited by aridchef, Feb 18 2013, 07:11 AM.
Also know as Dave B.
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