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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 9 2013, 12:54 AM (391 Views) | |
| Cleorara | Apr 9 2013, 12:54 AM Post #1 |
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Em.. I have to tell some jokes in class tomorrow as a assignment and i want to try and do some funny ones... I'm going to post a few, please tell me what you think... (They said it has to be school appropriate and we can do blonde jokes. Heres the first one --blond joke, im blond too so no offense if I upset you...) A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." |
| Don't steal my gold. -_- | |
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| Kyokuku | Apr 9 2013, 12:56 AM Post #2 |
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(( omg that was great xD I'm laughing so much )) |
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| Cleorara | Apr 9 2013, 12:57 AM Post #3 |
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heres another. A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?" She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!" |
| Don't steal my gold. -_- | |
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| Seroro | Apr 9 2013, 12:59 AM Post #4 |
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Ooh! Ooh! Heres one! A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £250,000 Rolls as collateral against a £5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow £5,000?" The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?" |
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| Cleorara | Apr 9 2013, 01:02 AM Post #5 |
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Oh my. xDDDD Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? A: Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper |
| Don't steal my gold. -_- | |
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| Cleorara | Apr 9 2013, 01:13 AM Post #6 |
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(im going to use this one too) The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50. The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play his game. The lawyer fires his first question "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. The blonde then asked the lawyer "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?" The lawyer's face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.00. The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word. The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, "Well, what is answer?" The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and handed him a $5 bill. |
| Don't steal my gold. -_- | |
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| Umimi | Apr 11 2013, 10:19 PM Post #7 |
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Hey, hey; I gotta joke! So... Uhm... Why was the apple alone wid the orange? |
| At least people can't ask if I'm right-handed. Heheh. | |
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| Cleorara | Apr 11 2013, 11:09 PM Post #8 |
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i duno why? |
| Don't steal my gold. -_- | |
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| Umimi | Apr 11 2013, 11:33 PM Post #9 |
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Because the banana split! Hehehe... |
| At least people can't ask if I'm right-handed. Heheh. | |
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| Cleorara | Apr 11 2013, 11:35 PM Post #10 |
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Lol!! i luve it! xD |
| Don't steal my gold. -_- | |
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| Baruru | Apr 12 2013, 12:01 AM Post #11 |
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i got a blonde joke: Once there was a blonde woman driving in her car along some fields. she was fed up about all the stereotypes of blondes being dumb. she saw another blonde woman in the middle of a field in a canoe trying to paddle around. the woman in the car parked it on the side of the road and yelled out at the other woman "You know, it's blondes like you that give blondes a bad name! .... i would come over there and kick your *ss if i knew how to swim!" |
| Bububu! don't take it personally~ | |
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| Farara | Apr 12 2013, 11:23 AM Post #12 |
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haha.. *doesnt get it* |
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I will boast in the lord; let the opressed hear and rejoice! sorry i love that though. ^^ | |
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| Kyokuku | Apr 13 2013, 01:42 AM Post #13 |
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Laura: here's a joke that reminds me of my favourite blond man in the world! Haha... A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question. "If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?" After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet." They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her. Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her. Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun." The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?" The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!" ((Laura counts herself of a mix between brunette and redhead, it's more of an amber color, Ulliam's blond and Idelle is brunette xD this joke is so perfect. )) |
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| Cleorara | Apr 13 2013, 01:46 AM Post #14 |
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PPFFFFFFFFFFSSSHTT! *bursts out laughing* xDDDDDD lol and you do just realize you called Ullium a blonde... the stupid type i mean. (not all blondes are stupid. just some. --including meh-- xDDD) |
| Don't steal my gold. -_- | |
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| Kyokuku | Apr 13 2013, 01:49 AM Post #15 |
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(( I know lol Ulliam's actually the smartest of the trio but Laura is evil like that and stuff xD )) Ulliam: Not amused. -_- |
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| Baruru | Apr 13 2013, 02:06 AM Post #16 |
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It's a hypocritical joke. the blonde in the car was mad about people thinking blondes were stupid, and wanted to beat up the blonde in the canoe for being stupid... but she said "if i knew how to swim!" ... but she wouldn't need to swim in a field. |
| Bububu! don't take it personally~ | |
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| Kyokuku | Apr 13 2013, 02:07 AM Post #17 |
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I can't stand hypocrites. >.< |
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| Baruru | Apr 13 2013, 02:22 AM Post #18 |
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Bubu! but are you a hypocrite? would that mean you hate yourself too? HYPOCRITE-CEPTION! |
| Bububu! don't take it personally~ | |
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| Kyokuku | Apr 13 2013, 02:24 AM Post #19 |
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I-I'm not a hypocrite I swear! I-if I was a hypocrite not only would I hate myself but then I'd also be hypocritical on my hating of hypocrites thus making a vicious cycle.... B-but I'm not! |
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| Baruru | Apr 13 2013, 02:34 AM Post #20 |
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EXACTLY! that is where the "Hypocrite-ception" comes in my dear. Bubu~! |
| Bububu! don't take it personally~ | |
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| Kyokuku | Apr 13 2013, 02:37 AM Post #21 |
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((Unrelated, sort of- what if equestria is actually a room in fosters home since there were so many pony imaginary friends? FAUSTCEPTION. A LAUREN FAUST SHOW IN A LAUREN FAUST SHOW! )) I can't stand vicious cycles.... W-why do I always get caught in them... |
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| Tsububu | Apr 13 2013, 02:41 AM Post #22 |
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Nitohei
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(( Heheh I've thought about that before. )) Neheheh. Drugs will get out out of a vicious cycle. Well given you have a rich friend you can bail you out of a mess. |
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| Baruru | Apr 13 2013, 02:42 AM Post #23 |
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Bububu~! don't overreact~ |
| Bububu! don't take it personally~ | |
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| Kyokuku | Apr 13 2013, 02:44 AM Post #24 |
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Trust me even if someone had all the money in the world I wouldn't be able to be bailed out... |
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| Baruru | Apr 13 2013, 02:48 AM Post #25 |
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You're not very optimistic are you? Bububu! |
| Bububu! don't take it personally~ | |
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