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Muggle Inventions are Wonderful Things
Topic Started: Jul 29 2012, 10:40 PM (126 Views)
Kian Maher
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“So skip it already.” John Sanders, Kian’s team mate, said with a grin. As though he couldn’t understand how this was even a question. “It’s Muggle Studies… What’s to know? They’re morons who don’t know about magic. There, done. Now you don’t have to go.”

The two boys were heading through the front doors of the castle. They’d had an early morning quidditch practice to get ready for the big game against the Slytherins next weekend. The boys were covered in mud and grass stains but they both wore bright smiles. The Gryffindor house team was ready for the game. It had been a great practice.

Kian couldn’t help but chuckle and shake his head at his friend. John could never understand why Kian enjoyed that class. That’s likely because he didn’t know about Kian’s ridiculous obsession with things that were so completely muggle. Computer games, movies, television shows, superheroes and comics. He couldn’t even imagine what John’s reaction would be if Kian began to discuss the recent Avengers movie and how, despite how much he loved the movie, he felt that Ant Man and Wasp should have been involved even if it was just a small cameo.

Yeah, John would think he was mental. He was a good guy but he would never see the same ingenuity and imagination in the muggles, that Kian had grown to appreciate.

And the very fact that Muggles didn’t know about magic was probably why their games and fiction was so fantastic. They created a variety of rich and detailed worlds that were built around magic and the supernatural. Almost none of those worlds even remotely resembled the reality of the magical community that did exist, but that didn’t matter. The fictional magic was far more interesting than the reality.

“Thanks Professor Sanders, but I still think I’ll go just the same.” Kian said with a laugh. He tossed the quaffle at John before jogging down the hall. He didn’t have time to go change. He was already running late and Professor Williams was usually understanding but Kian wasn’t about to push his luck.

He could hear Professor Williams starting the class as Kian skidded through the doorway. A sheepish grin lit his face as he entered the room. Every set of eyes in the room were now focused on him. Luckily, he was raised as the son of Robbie Maher, quidditch star, so being the center of attention wasn’t something new to him.

“Mr. Maher, how lovely of you to join us today.” Professor Williams said wryly. A small grin lit his face as he looked at the dirt covered boy before him. “Take a seat so we can continue.”

Kian looked around the room as he stepped toward the students. He spotted a frantic hand waving him over. A petite blonde with a ridiculous pile of meticulously sculpted curls on top of her head flashed a toothy grin at him and gestured at the empty chair beside her. Viola Beaufort. Every movement she made caused the curls to bounce and wobble around her overly made up face. She was the very definition of ditzy blonde. She was apparently majoring in gossip and makeup application at Hogwarts, with a minor in boys.

Not exactly the brightest bulb in the bunch.

And for some reason, she’d set her sights on Kian as her latest conquest. Kian quickly averted his eyes and found another empty chair, next to Vivian, the strange girl he’d met in the woods after the last Hogsmeade weekend. He’d never admit it to her, but he was intrigued by her. She seemed to like all the same things he did, even if he couldn’t admit it.

Without a seconds hesitation, he made his way to sit beside her. Viola’s too bright smile dimmed as he passed her without a word. Even her bouncy curls seemed to wilt slightly as he ignored her.

He dropped his rucksack beside the desk as he sat down in the empty chair next to Vivian. Professor Williams began to speak.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” the professor grinned at Kian with a shake of his head. “After a lot of paperwork and many discussions with Headmaster Reynolds, I have managed to secure permission and the proper spells needed to go ahead with our big class project.” With a wave of his wand, every student suddenly had flat black object in front of them.

A laptop.

Kian’s eyes widened and his face split into a bright smile. Hogwarts just became the perfect school. Ever.

He immediately opened the lid and clicked on the power button. As the Windows logo appeared on his screen, Kian was elated. He glanced around the room to note that most of his classmates hadn’t quite figured out how to open the computers much less turn them on.

This was going to be a great year.


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Vivian Bancroft
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You’re traveling a long cobbled path out of the city of Eberron with a mule at your side and a satchel filled with gold on your hip. The innkeeper baked you loaf of bread for your trip and gave you only one slight, vague piece of advice: never stray to the bank of the river after dark. Being the devilish rogue that you are, you shrugged off the innkeeper’s advice and begin to trek through the rough woodlands in search of a water spring. It’s been a tiring journey already; you aren’t about to dehydrate yourself for the sake of tall tales.

As you approach the steady, babbling brook, the sun descends into the earth and the night sky blankets the world around you. You tie your mule to a tree and fish through the rucksack he’d been carrying, trying to find a flint to light a small fire. Scuttling in nearby brush catches your attention. You pause every motion and listen with curious intent. The sound is getting closer. Closer. Closer. Breathing fills your ears, but it’s not yours.

You spin around on the tips of your toes and come face to face with a gigantic, gooey goblin-


“Goblins aren’t gigantic. They’re little.”

“And they’re not gooey, either.”

“Muggles are the worst kind of bigot. To think that the small, intelligent goblins are like your common troll… Ugh.”

“You guys, shut up, it’s part of the game.” Vivian pulled the red hood down from her head and placed the book she was reading from on the game board in front of her.

“Well this game sucks, Vivian.”

Three of Vivian’s housemates stood from the table and wasted no time in scampering out of the common room. Vivian sighed. Another game that she could share with no one from Hogwarts. Her house mates had already banned Pokemon, Magic and Warhammer. Now they were going to ban Dungeons and Dragons because of the Muggles’ vision of goblins. Vivian found it colorful, inventive and fun. Sometimes she wished she knew more Muggles. Or that she went to Muggle school.

Sadly, all that she could compromise with her parents was taking the Muggle Studies class offered by Hogwarts. It would have been a better class if they hadn’t spent the entire year learning about toasters, vacuums and cars. No computers, no classic games, no televisions. It was the worst class. Ever.

There was still a half an hour until classes started, so Vivian packed up her game and placed it in her enchanted purse. Maybe if there was time left at the end of Muggle Studies, she could try to convince Professor Williams to give it a go. There was no harm in trying.

Vivian took off to class early, as she typically did, and found the classroom empty. A small trickling of students filled the room. One by one, they passed her up and sat at different tables, leaving her to sit by herself. Again. She didn’t mind it so much. Most of the people in the class only took it because it was an easy O. None of them were interested in how Muggles have survived without magic for millennia.

“We’ve spent the majority of our time together learning about the fundamentals of the Muggle world,” Professor Williams lectured the class. “We’ve learned how they use electricity, how they’ve managed to make their own radio frequencies. But that’s hardly the icing on the biscuit. Today, we’re going to learn-”

Kian Maher flew into the classroom, a cheeky grin set on his lips. Vivian rolled her eyes as the whispers began to pour around her. Kian, the quidditch star. Probably had a romp on the pitch before coming to class. Probably that Johanna Marquess exchange student from Beauxbatons. Right, Vivian thought with her eyes to the ceiling. Like Johanna would ever allow herself to get that filthy.

“Mr. Maher, how lovely of you to join us today. Take a seat so we can continue.” Vivian hated how he was treated by the faculty. If she strolled into class late, her mother would be owled and she’d be grounded from her PS3 for a month during the summer. ‘Course, if they ever thought to tell her dad, she would have gotten off lighter. Maybe with some ice cream.

But then something odd happened.

Kian sunk into the chair beside her. Vivian didn’t look at him, she just stared forward. All of the girls in the class were suddenly staring at the pair of them. Vivian’s face glowed red. An angry blonde girl scowled in her direction and then flung her curls like a whip when she spun around in her chair. Vivian was stuck with the sudden urge to laugh at the girl, but Professor William began his lecture again.

“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted… After a lot of paperwork and many discussions with Headmaster Reynolds, I have managed to secure permission and the proper spells needed to go ahead with our big class project.”

Instantly, every desk had a laptop. Vivian shrieked, unable to help herself, though her sound was drowned out by other people in the class babbling about what this strange contraption was. She wasted no time, however. She lifted the lid and fired it up.

Now she could check her email, her Twitter, her Facebook, her Tumblr, her Reddit, her GoodReads, her Pintrist, her games, her MSN, her Skype and all of the blogs she followed. Suddenly, Muggle Studies had turned into the best. Class. Ever.

Glancing to Kian, she smiled when she saw his computer was already functioning. Not bad for a complete meathead. As far as she could see, they were the only two to have turned the machine on. And Professor Williams made certain to point it out.

“Miss Bancroft and Mister Maher, fantastic use of curiosity and deduction. Ten points to Gryffindor and Hufflepuff.”

Vivian grinned. Finally, her love of technology was paying off. She lifted a flexed fist and bumped it into Kian’s shoulder.

“I have no doubt that you will make excellent partners for your assignment.” Professor Williams announced, leaving Vivian’s fist falling limply from Kian’s shoulder.

“What?” She voiced louder than her usual, quiet tone.

Professor Williams chuckled and gestured around the room. “Each partner, that is the person sitting next to you, will be responsible for one half of the project.”

“And what’s the project?” A rather unhappy Gryffindor asked; he was sitting next to the boy they called Smelly Shelly.

“You will work closely with your partner to produce a prolific report of Muggle socialization on the internet.”

“The what?”

Vivian laughed, this time unable to keep the sound quiet. She glanced quickly at Kian and then forced her eyes back to the professor.

“Today’s lesson will teach you about how to navigate the internet. At the end of it, you will be required to choose one social website-”

“Web site? I’m not going near a bloody acromantula.”

“A website is an address on the internet.” The professor was very patient.

“Will we have to apparate? I haven’t gotten my license yet.” The blond girl that had been ogling Kian when he came into class asked.

“I will explain everything today.” The Professor began his new lecture, but Vivian had tuned him out.

She spun around to Kian and whispered excitedly. “There’s this game called World of Warcraft. I think we should use that. I know that most of these people are going to choose Facebook and Twitter, but those are lame in comparison. I’ll walk you through it, step by step, okay?”

Vivian clicked on her mouse and opened a browser. She put the words “World of Warcraft” in the little google box and clicked search. When she peered over to Kian’s computer, she saw that he already had the website up on his screen.

“Wow, you’re a quick learner,” she told him, unable to keep the shock out of her voice. “So, we have to choose whether to be in Horde or Alliance. Usually, I’m horde, but I know you’re a Gryffindor and you have that nobility thing, so we can work with it if you want. Basically, the Alliance and the Horde are at war. They always will be, so if it makes you feel any better, there are no winners, really.”

Vivian clicked the download button. She was commandeering this project. And they were going to pass with Outstandings. With every little inch that the download bar gave her, Vivian’s excitement grew. Not only was she going to be able to socialize like she did at home, but she was going to be able to chat with all of her friends. And Azareal. She missed him already.

“Once it’s downloaded – that means that the game is being placed on the laptop,” to Vivian was trying to remember that he was Kian Maher, pureblood wizard and a too cool for school kind of chap. “You’re going to want to register an account… but first you need an email… that’s mail received over the internet… which is a faster way than snail mail, which is the Muggle way of delivering letters – bloody slow, that… so instead they send it all electronically.”

Vivian reached over to Kian’s computer and smiled up at him. “I prefer Gmail, which is Google based. Google is the most well known search engine, and a search engine allows you to find anything. And I mean anything. Once, I found this video – that’s people in movies, which is motion captured on a special device called a camera – of a group of school kids dancing to a really catchy Muggle song.”

She quickly typed the gmail web address on Kian’s computer and sat back in her seat. Pride radiated from the grin on her face. For once, she felt uber-smart in this class.
Edited by Vivian Bancroft, Aug 4 2012, 10:42 PM.
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Kian Maher
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“Miss Bancroft and Mister Maher, fantastic use of curiosity and deduction. Ten points to Gryffindor and Hufflepuff.” Professor Williams said with a note of surprise in his voice. Kian smothered a small smile. If the professor only knew just how adept he was at using a computer, he’s likely get a O in this assignment before he even touched a single key.

He cast a curious glance over at Vivian as she bumped her fist into his shoulder. He had to admit he was only half surprised when he noticed her computer already up and the web browser had multiple tabs loading – Facebook, Gmail and tumblr. This was not this girl’s first time using the internet.

“I have no doubt that you will make excellent partners for your assignment.” Professor Williams continued.

“What?” Vivian cried out in a tone that he could only characterize as ‘alarmed’.

Professor Williams chuckled and gestured around the room. “Each partner, that is the person sitting next to you, will be responsible for one half of the project.”

“And what’s the project?” A rather unhappy Gryffindor asked; he was sitting next to the boy they called Smelly Shelly.

“You will work closely with your partner to produce a prolific report of Muggle socialization on the internet.”

“The what?” The boy asked again, and Kian managed to stop himself from slapping a hand to his forehead. Though he couldn’t help but grin as Vivian’s laughter rang out. She had a great laugh. It was light and seemed to brighten the entire room with the sound.

“Today’s lesson will teach you about how to navigate the internet. At the end of it, you will be required to choose one social website-” While still half listening to the group, Kian quietly typed in the address for several pages in different tabs. Facebook, World of Warcraft and Gmail. He had a lot to get caught up on. As the pages quickly loaded, he paused for only a second before opening one more tab and typing in MSN. He missed X and was hoping to find her online.

“Web site? I’m not going near a bloody acromantula.”

“A website is an address on the internet.” The professor was very patient.

“Will we have to apparate? I haven’t gotten my license yet.” Viola asked, her disdain for this project was apparent in her tone.

“I will explain everything today. First things first. I want you all to open the lid and locate the small button with a circle and a little line on it. That is the power button…”

Kian had stopped listening and was already clicking on the download button for WoW. He was contemplating the very real possibility of skipping the rest of his classes this afternoon to spend a little quality time in the land of Azeroth.

“There’s this game called World of Warcraft. I think we should use that. I know that most of these people are going to choose Facebook and Twitter, but those are lame in comparison. I’ll walk you through it, step by step, okay?” Vivian’s words were spoken quickly and excitedly. Kian couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Wow, you’re a quick learner,” she told him, unable to keep the shock out of her voice. “So, we have to choose whether to be in Horde or Alliance. Usually, I’m horde, but I know you’re a Gryffindor and you have that nobility thing, so we can work with it if you want. Basically, the Alliance and the Horde are at war. They always will be, so if it makes you feel any better, there are no winners, really.”

She had him pegged as a newb and as far as anyone else knew, he was. He’d built up a reputation in school and it was one that he’d like to maintain. Muggle things like the internet and online gaming were definitely not things that a school jock should be into. And he knew that he shouldn’t really care about what others thought of him… but he couldn’t help it. He did care. He was a sixteen year old boy and for nine months of the year, Kian’s entire social network revolved around the people he went to school with. Becoming a social pariah would severely limit his social life.

So if Vivian Bancroft wanted to think he was completely clueless when it came to computers and the internet, he’d damn well let her think that way. With a click of his trackpad, he quickly closed all windows before she could see everything he had open.

“Once it’s downloaded – that means that the game is being placed on the laptop. You’re going to want to register an account… but first you need an email… that’s mail received over the internet… which is a faster way than snail mail, which is the Muggle way of delivering letters – bloody slow, that… so instead they send it all electronically.” She reached over and took control of his keyboard, quickly typing in the address for Gmail. She glanced up at him and flashed that bright smile of hers once again. “I prefer Gmail, which is Google based. Google is the most well known search engine, and a search engine allows you to find anything. And I mean anything. Once, I found this video – that’s people in movies, which is motion captured on a special device called a camera – of a group of school kids dancing to a really catchy Muggle song.”

Kian nodded along, as though he had no clue what she was saying. The urge to laugh was strong but she seemed so proud of this knowledge, he hated to be the one to burst her bubble.

“So, I should create an electronic mail account then?” He asked, playing dumb. She nodded absently as her eyes turned back to her own screen. He could see her fingers moving quickly over the keyboard. It was then that he decided to have a bit of fun with Vivian.

He leaned forward slightly, his lips near the trackpad and spoke in a very loud clear voice. “Register account.” He looked up at the screen, a puzzled expression on his face. “Create account.” He spoke even louder. Several other students glanced his way and began to mimic his actions.

Finally he sat back a little and stared at the computer for a few long moments before he jabbed his finger at the red button at the top of the screen that read ‘Create an account’ as though he had an iPad in front of him rather than a laptop.

“I think mine is broken.” He turned to Vivian. Though he could keep his face straight, there was nothing he could do to stop the mischievous gleam in his eyes.

Just as she began to patiently explain what he had to do, Kian grinned at her and reached up to type his login information into the appropriate fields. As his fingers flew across the keys in the familiar pattern, he tossed a wink and a smile her way and said, “I think I might have figured it out.”


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Vivian Bancroft
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A blinking orange light lit up the task bar as Vivian logged herself in to her various accounts. The internet to her was like water to a fish; how she survived without it for nine months out of the year was beyond her understanding. She clicked on the little box that said MSN and quickly scanned the list to see who was online. Almost the second her eyes met the box, Az’s name popped into existence. Vivian tried her best not to tackle him on sight. The last thing she needed was to appear desperate. For a friend. Just a friend.

Instead, she lowered the box with a satisfied, content smile and checked her on her WoW download. It was moving right along; almost playable. She didn’t even care what the graphics were like… it had been too long a time away from Azeroth. She missed mounts and grunts and the crazy dungeon raids.

“So, I should create an electronic mail account then?”

Vivian vaguely heard Kian’s question. She nodded, though for all she knew, she was telling him that, yes, he should paint his toenails a bright pink color. There were more interesting things afoot in her inbox, where several of her friends had bludgeoned it with messages and threats because they hadn’t heard anything from her in ages. Vivian clicked on a rather interesting subject line that read “I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my email, check it maybe.”

Vivian laughed as she scrolled through four huge paragraphs that prattled on about absolutely nothing important at all. She was pulled from the email, though, when she heard Kian. Talking to his computer.

She was horror struck for a moment, staring at him with a slack jaw and wide eyes. Her face turned a deep crimson color on his behalf. It took her a whole minute to realize that the entire class began to follow his lead. Vivian glanced around the room as her heart hammered a death metal beat against her chest. She was so embarrassed for all these poor, sad noobs.

“I think mine is broken,” Kian’s deadpan voice drew her away from the horror around her.

She took a steady breath in through her nose to try and calm herself, and smiled patiently at Kian. As if explaining to a child, she started to talk him through the process of using a mouse to click on boxes on the screen. His smile stopped her immediately. It was devious.

“I think I might have figured it out.” His fingers sped along the keyboard as he typed information into the screen. His eyes met hers and he winked.

Without missing a beat, Vivian’s smile crinkled the corners of her eyes and her words flew loudly around the room. “And finally, Kian Maher proves that there’s hope for the human race.”

Her eyes met his for a brief moment before they landed on her little MSN window and double clicked Az’s name. Fingers in hyper drive, Vivian greeted her much needed friend.

‘I’m surrounded by Orc-Ape hybrids from the planet Unicron. And yes, I’m sure they are evil robots.’

She stared at the box for several minutes, waiting for that familiar message that would tell her that Az was typing, but nothing appeared. Vivian sighed to herself and lowered the box down. Turning to Kian, she plastered her brightest smile back on her face. He looked far too happy, though, she noticed; a big grin was crawling its way up his face.

“Just so you know, everything you view online can be seen by other people, so don’t go looking for hot muggle girls with big jugs.” Vivian’s nothing-short-of-awkward, deep and near-snort capacity laughter bellowed through the classroom.

“No, no, Cassiopeia, you don’t have to flick the box, no. You click the box with the arrow on the screen… no, it doesn’t drag like that, you have to use the mouse… no!” The professor looked helpless as his class burst into screams.

Several of the girls jumped onto their desks and clung to whoever was closest. Poor Kian was knocked sideways by Blonde Bint’s stupidly tone and tanned legs. Vivian sighed and checked back to her MSN box.

‘That bwoiersdlsdfjksdf’

She blinked. Did he learn a new language while she was locked up at Hogwarts? Leaning forward, she peered at the letters as if some code was going to pop out at her. After a second, she gave up and typed back to him.

‘That was fancy. :P I don’t speak Unicronian.’

Blonde Bint’s shrieks filled the room again and she plopped down in Kian’s lap, wrapping her stupid arms around his neck. Vivian rolled her eyes and glanced back to her screen.

‘alksejfoiuwegassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssskkkkkkkkkkkknnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiisssssss’

And he was still typing according to MSN. She wondered if he had a dog that was attacking his computer or something. She laughed and shook her head.

‘I’m bunking class today. Catch you on later, I hope?’

‘asssssssssssssssssdkkkkkkkkkkkkkkjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’

‘Right on.’

Vivian closed down MSN just as soon as Professor Williams made his way over to her desk. He glanced down at her, pushed his glasses to the bridge of his nose and pointed at Blonde Bint.

“Muggles shouldn’t name their things after rodents, I reckon.”

Indeed, Vivian snorted a laugh. “Professor, I’m feeling a little ill… and all of the screams are killing my head. Can I bunk for the day?”

“Given that you know the subject matter, I think I can approve that Miss Bancroft. Do you need a note for the hospital wing?”

“No, that’s okay. I think just a little sleep will help.”

But really, she was going to create a fort in her dorm, put a sign on it to keep people out and hook up to WoW for a long weekend. Score.

She threw an apologetic glance to Kian and then packed her stuff up and left him in the clutches of the frisky, shrieky blonde on his lap.


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