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Collapse; A story by Carter.
Topic Started: Aug 21 2012, 12:36 PM (122 Views)
cmarrin1
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Prologue

There’s corruption, there's injustice, and then there’s Dissidia. A world of unbalance, and immorality. A constant battle for power.
Ages ago, Queen Jezmerel and her forces were attacked by a cult known as The Divine Society. Ever since, the entire kingdom has been in unrest. Some disbanded, and surrendered to the Divine, pledging loyalty to a dark, evil force. Wars take place each day, and the Royal Castle has become a place of refuge. Nearly everything along the border belongs to The Divine Society, madmen driven by senseless greed.
Not a soul knows about the dealings of The Divine Society, the only thing they’ve revealed is that they have no limits to their power. Only few people have survived their attacks, and those few claims have been discarded as insane. Tales of “gifts” from a higher power, that separate the Divine from ordinary men are the kind of tales these ruined souls tell.
The Monarchy has gone into hiding, labeled cowards by the public. The Divine holds Dissidia in siege, holding its citizens in suspense of their fate. They’ve allowed the public to feel as if they can still prevail, and overcome The Society. This, no one understands.

ACT 1: Undermined

Chapter 1


His arms ache, sweat beads above his brow, and the Dissidia Mines echo with the sound of steel against stone. Liam Machale’s pickaxe continuously strikes, falling in line with the rest of the working miners. He is just one of thousands of men, put to work by The Society, with a small but huge payment of survival. “As long as you provide us with the materials we demand,”, they decreed, “you may continue your pathetic existence.”.

A buzzer sounds, and each miner almost simultaneously drops their pickaxe. A thick, metal door at the end of the tunnel retracts into the ceiling, and Liam silently falls into line. At the supervision of a Society member, donned in the traditional Divine grey hooded cloak, the men are guided back to the surface, and released into Castle Town. Some men head to the tavern, drinking for any kind of feeling. Others spend their time mourning their lost family, many of these people lost ones close to them in struggles against The Divine. Including Liam.

He, however, has somewhere to be. He’s the kind of person who doesn’t ask for much, instead gives everything they have. After walking across the entire town, past the ruined statues and memorials, past the newly reinforced castle walls, he finally arrives in the town square. The whole square is empty, except for a woman, standing right in the middle. Liam’s mouth stretches into a grin, the first of that day. This woman is Karmin, and she’s something special to Liam. You'd think that they would have something connecting them, but there's little similarities. Liam’s hair falls parted down the middle, and his face stays gruff and unshaven a majority of the time. Karmin’s straight black hair compliments her eyes, as sparkling as the blue sea on a starry night. While she is an optimist, and most times disregards her situation, Liam takes in everything he does, always analyzing for a solution. In this case, he doesn’t have a solution for any of this. He, like all the other Dissidians, wouldn’t dare try and fight his way out, he’d be dead in a second. That, and Karmin would be nothing without him. Literally. Instead of common interests, these two have no one else to go to.

The day they met was a few days after processing. As usual, at the end of every year, the citizens are sorted into their rooms, and they had all been called into the main square for a ceremony. There, at the center of the stage with a rope around her neck, was Karmin, waiting for death. She was found outside of the gates, and as punishment, she was being publicly executed. Liam's eyes almost instantly met hers. It was almost as if she was waiting for him to look at her, silently pleading for him to do something. Liam didn’t hesitate. He fought his way to the front of the crowd, past several members of The Society, and released her from her holds. The Society finally caught up, detaining both of them. After several days, they were released, on the condition that Liam would be responsible for Karmin in every way. He still wonders why they didn’t just kill them both.

Karmin and Liam share an embrace. As punishment for Liam’s rebellion, they weren’t given anywhere to sleep. Instead, the two spend all night together, in the moonlit square. They’ve developed something of a routine, something to keep their minds off of their torturous holds. After watching the sunrise, both of them head off to work. No one knows how long this will keep up, some are counting on The Monarchy to make a heroic return. Others have simply given up. And others, like Liam and Karmin, just wait.


Hey guys, this is my new story. I've actually been working on this one for a while now, and I've planned it out almost entirely. I know this first chapter isn't the most exciting, but the next is when it all starts. You'll see.
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tashfin64
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Man, that was pretty interesting. As you have promised, it has much potential, so I'm excited on which way it'll go! I love the way of how you set up the stage, High and Mighty, Small and Insignificant. Being the first chapter, it's hard to tell much, but as Maha had said before; your detail and placement of every sentence really hooks us. I found the prologue a tad bit confusing (aren't they all), but I'm sure your story will unveil itself. Chapter 2 plz...
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maha123
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The prologue was just... amazing. AMAZING. You have wowed me again. I agree tashfin.
The way you write... makes you seem like you're some fully experienced, old and aged writer, yet you're just a teen...
Can't wait for chapter two.
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cmarrin1
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Thanks guys. I really mean that, your feedback means a lot. Chapter two will be coming soon, maybe even TODAY?
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cmarrin1
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Chapter 2

Steel against stone echoes throughout the cavern once again, accompanied with idle conversation. The reddish gray stone walls are suffocating, but no one else seems to mind. “What’s wrong Mac? You’re awfully quiet today. Karmin okay?”, the man a station over from Liam inquires.
“I thought I told you not to talk about her, Memphis.”, Liam snarks, shooting him a look. Memphis stays quiet for a second, until shaking his head and returning to his work.
Chink, chink chink.
“She’s fine.”, Liam mutters. He suddenly feels a tough punch in the arm, and hearty laughter follows. “You had me going there for a sec, Mac. You know, you ‘oughta feel lucky you even got a woman like that.”, Memphis says. Liam still stays quiet, keeping a steady rhythm with his pick. Memphis decides to continue. “So what’s your deal? I mean, no offense you know. All you seem to do is eat, sleep and work. Scratch that first part, eating don’t always come to us right?”
This is true. Citizens rarely get food drops other than gifts for specific people. But you’d have to do your job extra well for a gift. After a few seconds to collect his thoughts, Liam responds.

“I’m not a “faithful” kind of person.”.

“Really? Well, you could at least come to the tavern every once in a while, is Karmin as fun-hating as you too?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Chink, chink chink.

“A couple other guys were gonna go to the tavern tonight, I can buy for you two, you know.”, Memphis suggests. At this point he’s feeling a bit let down. Liam looks up to him, holding his pick to the side. “We’ll be there.”

-------

“Karmin, you here?” Liam calls out in the empty square. She peeks out from behind a statue, and motions for Liam to come over. “What are you up to now..”, Liam mumbles. Behind the statue, Karmin has a gourmet picnic set up, a full loaf of bread, and a plate full of cheese. Liam stares in awe. “You didn’t.”, he begins, cut off by Karmin. “Oh calm down, these were just the leftovers. They just throw them out anyway, what’s the harm?”

“This has to stop. If they catch us with this, I don’t think any other Liam’s are out there to save you. You and I will be dead.”

“When’s the last time you saw any guards out here in the square? No one else comes out here.”, Karmin counters. She rips a piece off of the loaf, and eats. The bread was still steaming hot.

She was right, her and Liam aren’t really pursued by anyone, oddly enough. Liam sighs, and sits down for his meal. Both the bread and cheese are delicious. What a waste, he thinks. He’s thinking, of course, to The Divine. No one knows what they do with their offers, all the precious minerals and food made for them just disappear. The two stay silent for a while, and eat. Liam doesn’t bother telling Karmin about Memphis’ suggestion. And then it starts.
At first a small rumbling, and Liam and Karmin exchange glances. As the rumbling grows louder and more intense, people start to run. No one is around to stop them, all the members of the Society have vanished. Soon enough, the rumbling is so loud Karmin and Liam can’t hear each other. Without hesitation, Liam grabs Karmin and runs. She struggles to keep up with him, and he swoops her up into his arms. People are gathering around the castle grounds, struggling to climb up. Liam doesn’t know where to go. There’s no way they could climb the walls, it’s at least fifteen feet straight up.
“Mac! Over here!”, calls Memphis, standing next to the gate, his voice still as friendly as ever. He doesn't seem angry at all that Liam blew him off. Liam rushes over to him and they immediately understand the plan. He sets down Karmin, and climbs up onto his shoulders. Karmin steps onto Memphis’s linked hands, and Liam grabs both of her hands. On a silent count of three, Memphis and Liam vault her over the wall, and she grabs safely to the top.
“Liam! Quick, grab my hand!”, Karmin shouts. The castle grounds are caving in, and the square has sunken into an enormous sinkhole. Liam quickly looks back, and watches their picnic fall into an endless abyss, glowing a sinister orange. He snaps back to reality, and grabs onto Karmin’s hand. She struggles to pull him up, but with the help of Memphis, he safely lands. The other end of the wall was endless. Ruined cities, torn down years ago in terrible wars. A barren wasteland. “Quick, Memphis! This is the last chance!”, Liam calls down. The grounds are almost entirely ruined. The cracks of the abyss are stretching towards where Memphis stands. Memphis gives one final jump, and for a second the world freezes.
Liam watches as the ground below caves in, and reveals a fiery pit, hot as a thousand suns, and blindingly bright. The terror underneath Dissidia Castle was inexplicable. Memphis’s hand brushes Liam’s fingertips, but the horror of it all leaves him in shock. Realization strikes Memphis, who cries out in fear, as he plummets into what may as well have been Hell itself.
Liam has no time to react. “Karmin, hold on!”
He pulls her up onto his back, leaps off of the wall, knowing it might even be his last. The two crash into the ground, rolling and tumbling along the dusty earth. Just as they land, the entire castle collapses into the ground, leaving nothing but a vast pit. For a minute, they stand in silence. Liam trudges over to it, dragging his feet. He collapses onto his knees at the edge, left speechless. The pit was no longer searingly hot, nor was it glowing in any way. Probably hundreds of feet down, was the ruined remains of Castle Town. And along with it, countless bodies. One of which, was Memphis.

Karmin breaks the silence, in a quiet, fearful voice. “What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know, but whatever was in that pit, was definitely much worse.”



Here's chapter 2 guys. There might be some mistakes in odd places, I don't have time to edit it right now. P.S. Tash, you got your wishes.

Edited by cmarrin1, Aug 23 2012, 08:45 PM.
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maha123
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Please don't leave Karmin broken-hearted at the end. ;)
Haha great chapter, I was hooked all the way through. Keep writinggggg!
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tashfin64
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YES! I would've kept Memphis alive longer, but atleast we have our tragic heroic death, which should give Liam a motive to fight for (as of now). And I love the cliff-hangar! Really good job, but we need more!
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